Impossible to succinctly explain the dozens of mindfucks that have occured along the way

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274209)

I showed up to play college ball, just on top of the world.

Upon showing up, in my initial physical, the doctor noticed I had pain in my wrist. He took an x-ray and found that I had a bone that was severely broken in my wrist (it had been hurting for two years, team doctors had told me it was ok, take advil, etc.).

I red-shirted on the scout team with an arm cast on. After the season, I had surgery to try to correct the problem. The surgery failed and I had to do two more surgeries and there was some talk that I may lose my hand.

I realized how fucked I was right before spring ball. Not only was my dream of playing college ball fucked, because I was a red shirt on the scout team I was never really fully accepted as a football player at my school (to this day). Further, my entire personal shtick was a tough guy from LA, and I was defenseless in an arm cast and sling for 24 months.

In short, my dream of college football was crushed, I was stuck at this school 2500 miles away from home that I had only really picked because I wanted to play football there, and I was physically defenseless. Further, that was 1996 and I was prescribed percoset like it was candy, I'd get the big ones at 60 pills at a time.

EDIT: to explain, the injury ripped from me my entire identity, not only as a football player, but basically cut out everything that I was proud of. I was a tough athlete. Without being able to lift a weight for 2 years, my body changed. After a year or two, I was physically unrecognizable. So much of my confidence was wrapped up in this identity, and with it stripped away from me, it felt like I was left with nothing. You can try to argue that this injury stripped away the childish bullshit that I clung to, and maybe there is some truth to that, but it was emotionally brutal. Also, to this day, my wrist still fucking hurts.

I showed up to school like a world beater, and 18 months later I was a pain killer addicted has been loser suffering from severe depression.

Tough rub.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274263)

What do you do now? My guess is shitlaw.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274287)

I can imagine this woman you describe being age adjusted stunning. The fucking crazy ones are always hot

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274380)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fourth_Man_(1983_film)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274327)

I knew a girl back in LA that was like this. She was a magnet to people, everyone loved her. She was also totally unmoored from any code of decency. She got arrested at 14 for taking her mom's car and leading police on a chase down a mountain road that ended with her crashing. She was my first hook up, I was 13 and she was 12, and it was all her idea and i had no idea what the fuck was going on (I can still see her sucking my dick, with my pubes barely growing in). She was kicked out of regular high school and had to finish at a continuation high school - she was class president, but still never finished. Of course, that did not stop her from having a very successful entertainment industry career where she's made a fortune. She's been married 2 times (3, really, but not many know about the 1st one), and one of her husbands killed himself. She remains gorgeous, with her broad welcoming smile, magnetic personality, and drips of sexuality.

I hooked up with her once or twice a year for almost 10 years. She flew out to go to a military school function where I was getting an award and it was one of most sexual weekends of my entire life.

About 10 years ago I made the decision to cut ties with her. However, I've seen recent photos, and she is just as beautiful as the first time I laid eyes on her (1990).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274432)

She's about 5'11" with the D cups and to the hips of an Olympic swimmer, very magnetic very beautiful and once you get to know well, downright terrifying. It's just like you said, she has absolutely no sense of playing by any rules- constraints of any kind were for other people not her.

To someone hearing of this from the outside, a woman like her may sound irresistibly exciting, but when you're interacting with her everyday I'm putting up with her unprovoked narcissistic rage and her gaslighting Ambush attempts, the adrenal fatigue sets in causing real health problems. And if you stick around long enough, you either grow extremely angry with yourself for putting up with the abuse, or You Lose

Yourself in her completely.

There is no dominating a person like this, they would rather face death then not continue trying to dominate you completely. So the only answer is to walk away. Until someone actually meets a person like her, there is nothing to compare a person like her to.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274547)

It's a freeing realization that who you are is more important that what happened.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274348)

Almost failing out of grad school

General constant social humiliation

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274377)

Crypto

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274379)

casting about for some alternative, i decided to become a rat-faced man. now i post on xoxohth dot motherfucking com and juul my way to success, defined as "not being homeless", at 11:52 pm two days before thanksgiving.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37274760)

That was the first time I got SUSPENDED bc I had 2 F's that semester

Then I came back, took 6 classes and but missed the midterm paper and wrote 30 pages in 30 hrs GAKKED out on addy and again failed that class b/c the midterm paper was half of the final paper (never went to class after wk 4 so didn't know this) and so they just graded me for the final paper and gave me a 0 for the midterm.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37279364)

had a gf of four years who was obsessed with italy and accepted an opportunity to come here thinking she would come with me. my sanity is still too fragmented to recover.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4138722&forum_id=2#37279368)