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The most prestigious law school admissions discussion board in the world. I admit defeat It appears I check in here whenever I hate my life. Hai! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 2 cans of trader joe’s turkey chili bearded cyan box office round eye   04/12/19 ... crawly curious lettuce   05/05/19 ... geriatric legend   02/06/21 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 󠀠󠀠󠀠 Soul-stirring nursing home coldplay fan   04/09/19 SURRENDER TO SOVIET FORCES. Slate fear-inspiring famous landscape painting   04/12/19 ... Low-t aqua really tough guy   01/01/20 ... poppy 180 hissy fit   03/29/20 ... Costumed Hall   07/21/20 hey appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 Hi! I'm not up on monikers. Who are you? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 i don't know. i was just trying to be friendly, jeez appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 Oh, sorry. Hai! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 jesus christ life blows appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 ??? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 isn't this a hate life thread appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 Yes. Why do you hate your life? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 biglaw and stuff. i guess my life is fine appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 It can be survived. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Hi! Which one are you, Beckett or Ionesco? Well-lubricated Ocher Corner   04/07/19 Wait! I think I know you based purely on poasting style,and ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 oh ffs. sorry married life isn't working out so great appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 Sorry, you're really distinctive. I have terrible judgmen... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 i don't know what i'm doing with my life appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 What do you think you are doing with it? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 i think my midlife crisis is starting appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 How is it manifesting itself? Do you think everyone has one?... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 it's a pretty boring midlife crisis. no motorcycle or sport... appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 Is that even a midlife crisis at all? Sorry you're anxio... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 i can't even midlife crisis right :( appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 What kinds of things are you anxious about? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 should i move to another city? should i have a kid!? appetizing place of business senate   03/29/19 Those sound like pretty good things to be stressed about. An... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 that's spaceporn's newest moniker trip base   03/29/19 In this subthread it sounds like JCM talking to herself. fighting vibrant crackhouse   03/31/19 previous monikers? Coiffed Passionate Lodge   03/29/19 I would say Lonely Hunter is my best known persona Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 never heard of you, sorry Coiffed Passionate Lodge   03/29/19 That's ok. I have been away for many years. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 JFC this is very sad Boyish Unhinged Locale   03/29/19 ??? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 When did you find XO? Less than 5 years ago? Amber school faggot firefighter   03/29/19 2014 Coiffed Passionate Lodge   03/31/19 I remember you. Promise your life is going better than mine... red dingle berry sneaky criminal   03/31/19 Holy shit, 180. I love it when old-time XO posters check in... blathering state   03/31/19 Sigh Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I'll bite. Why do you hate your life? U married? deep institution   03/29/19 Yes Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 And my husband is an abusive fuckstick. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Oh nvm hey doobs Boyish Unhinged Locale   03/29/19 Believe it or not, no! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 ... adventurous hairless public bath   03/29/19 ... bronze irate library water buffalo   03/29/19 ... twinkling background story wrinkle   03/29/19 ... fragrant ticket booth headpube   03/29/19 ... judgmental messiness preventive strike   03/31/19 ... internet-worthy aphrodisiac pit doctorate   03/31/19 DESCRIBE the abuse Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/29/19 Constant, endless criticism. Complete lack of empathy. Remin... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 How does he require you to go to bed at the same time as him... deep institution   03/29/19 Oh sorry, I didn't see this before. He previously told me... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 And if I don't go to bed at the same time he is angry and me... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 he sounds alpha I think you need a soyboi Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 If this is alpha, maybe so. Maybe so. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 I was kidding. he sounds like an insecure control freak Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 Yeah, sounds right. I think he wants to push his wife around... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 Can I lick your pussy and/or his asspussy? buff kitty cat cuckoldry   03/31/19 oh the abuse! chrome queen of the night   04/01/19 "withholding affection" is abuse? is withholding s... stimulating heaven shitlib   04/02/19 Idk man I'm not the one who came up with the idea that this ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 It's odd because I am not sure it sounds that bad when the i... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 So, you've clearly communicated this to him? You have kids,... deep institution   03/29/19 We did counseling for a while but he became more insanely cr... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 get a divorce. self-centered violet cuck   03/29/19 I have some very complicated problems which means I can't re... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Can't pass a drug test? vivacious pale friendly grandma   03/31/19 No. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 ... vivacious pale friendly grandma   03/31/19 Ty for your kind thoughts. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I look forward to the day I can be the OP of this thread. ... vivacious pale friendly grandma   04/01/19 Why don't you do it? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 his state is especially savage against men in family law pro... nofapping stag film   04/01/19 Why didn't I do it? 100% fear of losing custody of my child... vivacious pale friendly grandma   04/02/19 Wow, that's brutal Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Yea, so there's nothing to do except just keep doing my best... vivacious pale friendly grandma   04/02/19 This seems correct crawly curious lettuce   04/17/19 Ok. He sounds like a psychotic dick. Was he always this way?... deep institution   03/29/19 I think he was but he hid it to a certain extent and I didn'... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 I'm sorry. Take care of yourself for your kid(s)' sake. deep institution   03/29/19 Ty. Is this nutella? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 no deep institution   03/29/19 BPM? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Clearly not! Sorry. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 that's the sort of a moniker a dude poster would use. bpm's... Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 I know, it was very thoughtless of me. I am out of practice ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 mailbox and fml seem like possibilities, but i haven't been ... Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 I always sniff out fml. I don't think it's mailbox. But thes... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 "the poster didn't seem wholly misogynistic and therefo... blathering state   04/03/19 It was a judgement based on the typical male xo poster. I do... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 lol, XOers are actually better than average because we're a ... blathering state   04/03/19 So the site isn't full of sexist trolls? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Both male and female. And it is still better than IRL. blathering state   04/03/19 No xo posters are much more misogynistic than the average ma... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 Arguing with you on this topic is truly pointless, but I'll ... blathering state   04/05/19 She doesnt work a low paying or public sector job you moron.... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 You, fucking up again? In other news, it is a day of the we... blathering state   04/05/19 How is he in bed and how often do you have sex? Amber school faggot firefighter   03/29/19 We have sex about twice a year when I throw myself at him. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 how fat are you? turquoise legal warrant   03/29/19 TITCQ deep institution   03/29/19 I weigh like 101 pounds. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Ungh disturbing balding garrison   03/31/19 Prestigious. blathering state   04/01/19 I am old. Xo would probably attribute it to that? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Conspicuous lack of discussion of his penis/cock size. Seem... Amber school faggot firefighter   03/31/19 Hey shit, you okay? jade digit ratio native   03/30/19 worthless without pics pearl flirting marketing idea   03/29/19 Who do you want pics of? I'm old. He's pretty attractive. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 both of you. full bodies at an absolute minimum. preferably ... pearl flirting marketing idea   03/29/19 Face without makeup? No one wants to see that. Despite the f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 I'm trying to help and engage with you fairly and openly. If... pearl flirting marketing idea   03/29/19 I appreciate your concern. Ty. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_ezLVkoU2k wonderful new version   03/29/19 wtf, sorry to hear man. I hope things work out for the bett... Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   03/29/19 Hai! Thanks! Just one kid. He's kind of a dick to her, too, ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Yeah it sounds overall like a bad relationship. If it doesn... Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   03/29/19 Glad to hear it! I probably would have left already but I... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Also, I am terrified of leaving as I am pretty sure he will ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 I know above you said individually this doesn't sound bad, b... Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   03/29/19 Are you sure the problem is him? Seemed like you were hitch... Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 My other dood actually had many of the same characteristics.... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Assuming they’re bad in the same ways, why did you pic... Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 I assume I have a personality defect /basic insecurity (prob... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 Important to look for laidback and nice Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 I think I need a lot of counseling to help me with this. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 sounds like you need marital counseling. divorce is sometim... Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 We actually saw a marriage counselor before and I have been ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 then you should divorce him. anyway very sorry; sounds like... Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 Thanks! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/29/19 It took me to this post to be sure that we weren't married vivacious pale friendly grandma   03/31/19 lol didnt you cheat on your ex husband at law school and rui... Glittery psychic national   03/29/19 she covers that ground in the subthread above. Floppy ladyboy   03/29/19 Is OP lonely hunter? Provocative crimson resort mexican   03/30/19 that's what she said dude. Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 Hey girl! Long time no see! I miss our days painting ... French multi-billionaire   03/30/19 Thanks, I really appreciate it! I miss those days too. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 wtf citrine trailer park boistinker   03/30/19 ? French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 firing off some dick pics, brb Indecent big tattoo   04/08/19 1) your husband is a dickwad and probably a fag. he gives y... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 I am actually quite good about not spending money. I am not ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 if he only licks your snatch a few times a year anyway maybe... Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 I have told him we should sleep in different rooms but he do... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 i'm surprised he doesn't want to. that's kind of weird give... Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 People who are into abuse theory think it's all about contro... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 possible. seems to be your read and you haven't said anythi... Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 how the fuck is it "not realistic"? you both make... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 He definitely doesn't think it's realistic. We could afford ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 “From the center”. Jfc you need to go the fuck b... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 I'm American, you cretin. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 So your retarded and just don’t know how to talk or sp... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 What did I misspell? My speech patterns aren't fully Amer... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 You need to go back Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 Seriously, what did I misspell? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 Go back Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 Ok,I take it I spelled nothing wrong Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 Yes I know my behaviour is quite outlandish Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 Oh yes. Idk what to tell you man. I am an immigrant, but not... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 Also, I don't think he likes dick. I guess I could be wrong ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 LOL you are psychotic. A woman's life doesn't have to revol... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 LJL at marriage-havers federal location   03/30/19 yea man being 55 and alone seems awesome. i bet you can sti... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 Yea same I feel sorry for this woman who has all these se... French multi-billionaire   03/30/19 Sounds fulfilling Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 My life is no responsibility and non-stop fun Ill take th... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 This is her second marriage and she already had a nice, chil... blathering state   03/31/19 Please see elsewhere in the thread. He wasn't nice or chill. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I didn't see you discuss your original husband from Wisconsi... blathering state   03/31/19 Whoa got busy yesterday and lost track of this thread. LH... Amber school faggot firefighter   03/30/19 Everyone is biased toward their own account. I didn't rea... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 was it a subreddit about shitty husbands? Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 No. It was in a general chat forum. One or two were in a for... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 yea being shitty to young fairly low-paid hired help isn't a... Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 He has told me with respect to the au pair that we "lit... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 That’s exactly what they are. You can rape them, beat ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 poasting about your husband online is a sign there's a probl... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 ... zippy mad cow disease organic girlfriend   03/30/19 Ok. I was looking for another perspective on his behaviour b... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 there's nothing wrong about posting about it online anonymou... Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/30/19 let's be honest, this is thread is typical woman behavior wh... exciting tanning salon tank   03/30/19 Ok. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 do either of you want more kid(s)? why force the same bed... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/30/19 He is pushing for more kids. I would like them but he was qu... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 idk what advice to give you it's tough with a kid. do not... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/30/19 cheer up, crablegs! Alcoholic range reading party   03/30/19 Law shrews always end up miserable when they shoot for these... High-end frum area   03/30/19 If he’s a screamer and also a control freak, that can ... Floppy ladyboy   03/30/19 he’s saying that the OP has agency and is at least par... Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 Well, I never said I don't hold some responsibility. I obvio... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 As I say elsewhere, I didn't realize it was abuse for a long... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 if nothing else he seems stable and he wants kids maybe y... Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 Honestly, if all men are like this and my standards are just... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 I’m not saying he’s a treat but most of his beha... Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 I am not great at standing up for myself. I think in part I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 well you sound like a meek person who wants more from life t... Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 Jesus Christ. I don't really see why it has to be one extrem... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 ok then get divorced and be a meek woman with a kid. that&rs... Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 This is probably what I have to do :( Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 But I will say that part of the problem, conversely, is that... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 that’s basically what I said above. you want “eq... Razzle-dazzle House Selfie   03/30/19 yeah Mandy is happy with TMF. jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 To be fair, we have a pretty good setup that works well for ... blathering state   03/31/19 lol dont take relationship advice from people on xo self-centered violet cuck   03/30/19 To be fair, I'm not sure we're worse than IRL. People gener... blathering state   04/01/19 "either go all alpha female yourself or go all supporti... blathering state   03/31/19 I told you he was abusive like 3 months after you met him. jade digit ratio native   03/30/19 How did you know? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 this thread is a great “in the wild” example of ... ivory arrogant circlehead   03/30/19 I skipped over most of it, and it sucked ass. Hate the lose... lascivious ebony gas station   03/30/19 You have the perspective of a gnat. red dingle berry sneaky criminal   03/31/19 yeah people discussing actual shit is inferior to a bunch of... Abnormal excitant potus brethren   04/01/19 lawman is a weird, stupid aspie who spams reptile political ... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 You have been here since like 2017 and know nothing about th... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   03/30/19 My threads really shouldn't be the benchmark for this. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/30/19 ... Sticky honey-headed international law enforcement agency cuckold   03/30/19 (34 year old pumo drooling on self as he reheats 4chan copyp... Alcoholic range reading party   03/30/19 ... fragrant ticket booth headpube   03/30/19 that wasn’t funny Drab Karate Fortuitous Meteor   03/31/19 ... Abnormal excitant potus brethren   04/01/19 ... Abnormal excitant potus brethren   04/01/19 ... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 ... hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender   04/13/19 ... High-end frum area   03/31/19 You mean back when XO was just normal people that talked to ... blathering state   03/31/19 look I'm just here for the gay shit Yapping Hairraiser Theater   03/31/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 (XO 2019) blathering state   03/31/19 cr, it's almost like none of these xo2019 4chan NEETs aspire... fishy swashbuckling office   04/01/19 ... ruddy set   04/01/19 ... blathering state   04/01/19 this comment gets at something: xo is at its best for absurd... nofapping stag film   04/01/19 ... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 ... Aquamarine Mewling Athletic Conference   04/02/19 ... Charismatic home   04/04/19 180 to Fish French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Can you describe... jade digit ratio native   03/30/19 It's difficult to describe, and sometimes he will be really ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 call me crazy but this seems entirely reasonable on his part Drab Karate Fortuitous Meteor   03/31/19 Before we had children I told him I didn't want it to ruin m... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 fair enough, thats on him if he forced the children issue Drab Karate Fortuitous Meteor   03/31/19 We pay proportionate amounts of our income into a joint acco... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 This is your first problem. You don't really have a marriage... Massive main people   04/11/19 holy shit lol. you make $75K and have an au pair raising you... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 She's not raising my kid. She picks my daughter up from dayc... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 don't engage with the pure trolls it won't make you feel bet... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 fuck you asshole. I have kids and real life experience with... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 her reasonable husband: just make a lot more money and do a... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 she has a law degree and makes $75K and considers that worth... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 Perhaps you didn't see the part where my husband requires me... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 how the fuck does he "require" shit from you? do ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 we have like a 1000 emo posts in this thread now so i'm not ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 fuck him then. she has a kid and can skullfuck him in divor... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 yeah if no prenup. i don't know why any man of means would ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Eh, people overestimate this. He earns $200k to her $75k. ... blathering state   04/08/19 so some $10/hr daycare chimp is raising your kid and you don... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 yeah so "reasonable" that he won't allow her to be... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 he's def an asshole but he's also correct that her job in he... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 ok but his solution is for her apparently to just make more ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 if you have a law degree and can't pull six figures then han... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 seems cr. she should either get a better paying job or stay ... insanely creepy patrolman   03/31/19 he seems to want better pay with more hours and less respons... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 I also really like my job and I am good at it. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 so fucking what? you have a kid. whether you like your job... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 i don't care about leaning in but come on. of course she ca... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 yea, and meanwhile men have to continue at biglaw or keep ma... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 plenty of guys move on to the government or inhouse rather t... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 for $75K? Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 well guys don't generally go to non-profits at all, for that... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 $150K > $75K Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 has she actually said she's unwilling to trade up from whate... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Where I work is actually equivalent to DOJ, sec, ofac. It's ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 most prestigious i don't doubt, but it's not among the "... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Best paid? At $75k? No, it isn't. blathering state   03/31/19 I don't live in the US Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Ah. Fair enough, that matters. blathering state   03/31/19 she says biglaw pays 90k in tokyo or wherever this mystical ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 it's true. They live in Europe. Non US biglaw pays absolut... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 i thought she was talking about us biglaw in that city thoug... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 That's true of a lot of the world. Australia is like this, ... blathering state   03/31/19 yeah like working at Latham in Paris will get you NYC biglaw... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 i thought she was claiming a us based firm like latham would... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Depends on whether you were hired as a US expat or a local a... blathering state   03/31/19 yep jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 And disputes/litigation lawyers are NEVER hired as US associ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Agreed. blathering state   03/31/19 Yep, it was the same in Moscow. Many US firms also had two ... blathering state   03/31/19 but the expat jobs are MUCH MUCH harder,. jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 lulz. They are definitely less stable though, and combined... blathering state   03/31/19 instability isn't your fault and can be career fucking, whic... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 For expat jobs they outright lie. They tell you that people... blathering state   03/31/19 people in or around good law schools should tell the truth. Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 I've been fighting this battle every summer for years. Our ... blathering state   03/31/19 This is the most aspie thing ever poated on here and that's ... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 we all hate our jobs but we do them anyway because that's wh... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 ? I don't hate my job. I actually enjoy going to work ev... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 beyond that (and those are important points), unless you're ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 for $75K you should never work past 5. period. Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 i'm familiar with non-profit and governmental legal jobs. y... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 $75K isn't worth a shit. go be a teacher and leave at 3 and... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 yea she's going to take up teaching at 40. come on dude. Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 she could. it would be better than what she's doing now. li... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 I should probably mention that payscales for lawyers are dif... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 sounds like you should quit the job and stay at home with yo... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 This would not work out well for me. He is already quite wei... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 He’s going to be a dick regardless so fuck it. Grow so... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 He will be a dick but he already believes he should make all... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 numbers are important in these situations. if we're talking... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 ... blathering state   03/31/19 So I think it's possible he would actually withhold money if... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I have to ask - is he Jewish? blathering state   03/31/19 No, but to perpetuate stereotypes his dad is Indian, tight a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Ah, I wondered if there was something cultural going on here... blathering state   03/31/19 I kind of feel like he wants me to be a sahm like his mother... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Right, so he wants the impossible. blathering state   03/31/19 You don't think he is frustrated that he is not able to take... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 That's possible and that would be sad. Unfortunately, if tha... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Like a first year in a decent biglaw firm would get 90k Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 then there isn't a "decent biglaw firm" in the cit... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Haha the best law firms in the world have offices here. They... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 OK I’ve never heard of a BigLaw firm paying that far b... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 this seems remarkably dismissive for no reason. teaching sho... insanely creepy patrolman   03/31/19 if she can work at a good school for 50k than maybe that wou... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 it makes sense to her because HER JOB. the guy still soun... Provocative crimson resort mexican   04/02/19 My contractual hours are 35 hours a week. He is angry if I d... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 why do you get home so late? Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 what would be the consequences if you stuck to the contractu... insanely creepy patrolman   03/31/19 the poors would die and she'd get fired. Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Then her work would get more unpleasant because she would cl... blathering state   03/31/19 My feeling is that he wants me to make a lot of money and ha... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 someone above suggested he's a rich doctor. if that's right... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 He insists that I have a job but it has to be the right kind... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 sounds like he has a secure very high paying job, so again, ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 $125K. that's the number. if you make less than that then ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   03/31/19 Based on this thread sounds like you need to divorce TBH. I ... smoky very tactful rigor alpha   03/31/19 He is occasionally nice but not usually. And usually it's no... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I haven't followed up on this because I don't really want to... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 How old is daughter? If not for her, would you still be with... smoky very tactful rigor alpha   03/31/19 this guy's a piece of shit and she already divorced someone ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Just trying to work her toward seeing that he will likely tr... smoky very tactful rigor alpha   03/31/19 Yeah, I am concerned about this. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 i'm often an advocate of sticking it out on behalf of the ch... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 She is 2. Sometimes he gushes about how cute she is and h... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 He also acts like childcare is all my responsibility. My mom... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 He's a controlling narcissist. Divorce. smoky very tactful rigor alpha   03/31/19 Hey! We met at NYC meet up many many moons ago. Did you end ... startling comical stage   03/31/19 Yes Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Protip- if you love your daughter and want the best for her,... Bisexual brilliant foreskin people who are hurt   03/31/19 harsh truth insanely creepy patrolman   03/31/19 yeah nothing is better for a kid than being raised by a dad ... Alcoholic range reading party   03/31/19 he might just end up with occasional weekend custody if they... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 (boomercuck who can't recognize the narcissistic wreckage of... Bisexual brilliant foreskin people who are hurt   03/31/19 This. Also, you'll be twice-divorced with a kid in your 30s... blathering state   03/31/19 Just saw this. I am well aware of all of these things. Still... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Yeah, I'm having a hard time arguing with this. blathering state   03/31/19 mentally ill controlling fucks who make $$$ and want childre... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 Because he’s greedy. Assuming white and not Jewish, s... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 She makes 75K in a HCOL and they have costs associated with ... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 He makes 500k or whatever and wants her to make 150k. If ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 I think you're underestimating how much her job likely incon... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 ok well regardless of whether i was making 100k or 500k or 5... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 cr that you acknowledge sub 6 figure jobs are for HER not fo... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 He makes more like 200k Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 what he's doing is dumb but not inscrutable in the sense tha... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Geez. $275k/year in something like London is kind of rough. blathering state   04/02/19 needs her out of the house during the day. hmm. appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 Lol. But he’s mean to the nanny which isn’t con... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 LMAO Coiffed Passionate Lodge   03/31/19 titcl appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 i intended to suggest something FAR MORE SINISTER. appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 oh that there's some reason beyond the purely paternal that ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 wtf is wrong with you i meant vampirism jfc appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 well this is xo, and that humor is a staple here, so i thoug... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 He is motivated almost 100% by money, so it makes sense in h... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Yea but wives who make a lot of money are not wives who will... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 right but this guy is some combination of asshole/idiot. yo... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 You have to get to know someone quite well before you see th... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 Well you’re not a lawyer so you don’t necessaril... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Just wanted to say I agree with this! It's difficult to know... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 ... Sickened Kitchen Coffee Pot   03/31/19 he doesn't make enough money for that. jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 he makes enough for that, just not enough for that + andover... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 $275K per year will pay for the mortgage and full time child... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 look i don't know what city they're in, but you don't need a... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 I’m not sure if it’s a secret but they live some... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 yeah i don't know what they going rate is for an apartment i... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 nyc/london are prolly harder for families. hk has extreme... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 Taxes are also higher. jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 Depends on the expat setup. Some places pay package that in... blathering state   03/31/19 Reading this thread - the way he approaches things sounds so... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 there's a reason you used to get trolled here for being insa... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Other posters are a lot cheaper than I am, they just aren&rs... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 I remember Don too but some of what you posted indicated tha... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 How are you cheap where's that thread where you said you sp... pontificating heady spot corn cake   04/04/19 Do you think I am like that? I buy most of my daughter's clo... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 no. My wife likes to shop. She buys mostly cheap stuff, bu... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 No, we have plenty of money. We have like 60k cash that we h... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 See you think $60K saved is enough, but that is not enough t... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 year over year, it's enough for a reasonable retirement and ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 He's not a doctor. Not sure why people think he's a doctor. jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 ok. but is he actually at any real risk of a layoff or othe... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 i believe he is a lawyer like the rest of us. I'm not sure ... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 they probably aren't subject to the kind of insane job insec... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 So based on your responses it seems like the primary thing t... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 Yes, he also is mean and has a bad temper. Any time it's pos... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 So he is judgmental, cheap and controlling. How is your t... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 If I tell him that he is hurting my feelings he just tells m... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 It's like listening to a worse description of me, before I l... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 Oh, and sometimes we get into shouting matches. I am startin... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 yeah the autistic judgmental thing does not work with someon... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 I kind of feel like you are suggesting that my personality d... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 no i meant I understand exactly how he is autistic and cheap... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 have you tried hurting his feelings? tell him he's not a hig... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 If I did this he would lash out with something ten times mor... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 just match it. do you think he'd ever get physical? Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 I don't like being gratuitously mean Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 it also won't lead to any good. he'd act like a much bigger... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 what if she just acts like an asshole back? Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 doesn't sound like he'd get physical but he'd just continue ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 this is not a good idea. jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 i'm trying. i mean well. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 it's really dumb but very bpm. Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 explain i'm definitely inexperienced with this level of r... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 you're smart and socially smart, but sometimes you have real... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 who the fuck is this Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   03/31/19 i'm totally new here; just started poasting last week. Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 cr, fucking nuclear option Crusty aromatic market   03/31/19 (bpm) appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 It's constant low-level anger and criticism, often when I le... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 yeah but you are also prone to bouts of low self esteem and ... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 I think he takes advantage of my low self esteem to manipula... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 See you tomorrow! Titillating Shivering Factory Reset Button Knife   03/31/19 ??? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I feel really badly for OP, but this thread is a terrific ca... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 I don't really feel bad for her. She had a nice, chill husb... blathering state   03/31/19 well that's what i said originally but she claims that first... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 My mom has drawn the comparison between his personality and ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 i'm in no position to disagree. Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Yeah, I wonder how much of that is revisionist history. I r... blathering state   03/31/19 that sounds similar to what i'd surmised but again i don't k... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 That's my take too. Like yeah, just get some high earning t... blathering state   03/31/19 Noted! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I didn't fully understand what was happening at the time. I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 and your current husband wont have sex with you either? wha... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 I'm ugly and bad at sex? Idk. I think in part the current... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Hold on, let me find Beta795 to show and and blow sunshine u... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 I have suspected infidelity but I have no way of proving it.... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 but you arent exaggerating? jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 No Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I mean, it's gotten worse and worse. Last year maybe it was ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Is he gay or something? Even if he were cheating on you, th... blathering state   03/31/19 Not that I know of? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 "twice a year is really bad and even weird dudes want s... blathering state   03/31/19 maybe he's just not a sexual person, jeez appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 lol blathering state   03/31/19 "I'm ugly and bad at sex? Idk." I remember seei... blathering state   03/31/19 she said she won't let him take control and be a king, whate... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 There are no specific complaints about our sex life that he ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 have you asked him why you barely ever fuck now? seems impo... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 He says that we get into a vicious cycle of arguing. The ins... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 i guess i'm of somewhat mixed minds on this. part of me, ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 ... blathering state   03/31/19 I'm not going to argue that I am perfect or that I have alwa... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 i agree that he treated the au pair like shit and that's a h... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 I mean, I'm convinced he is an asshole but I'm not convinced... blathering state   03/31/19 I can see why you would say that. The problem is that I w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 i think it's possible you both thought you were being clear ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 Fair enough! Unfortunately this issue is only one aspect of ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 well i'm not telling you to suck it up for the sake of him o... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 I appreciate that. It is something I will think about and ma... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I actually don't even think there is a way to deal with this... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 And also part of the point isn't that he treated the au pair... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I thought that was a general statement on their relationship... blathering state   03/31/19 ah yes i guess i misconstrued; i thought she said that in th... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 You may ultimately have been right, I just can't tell from t... blathering state   03/31/19 Honestly my ex was pretty mean and judgemental. I also had t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 I'm starting to think that any guy you would be married to w... blathering state   03/31/19 she's a sensitive soul but she might well be right. hard to... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 :-( I have worried about this too. But I have talked to p... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Protip: Anyone can nitpick on their spouse and come up with ... blathering state   03/31/19 to be fair you are probably also a controlling judgmental as... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 Hey, I've put a lot of effort into getting her making almost... blathering state   03/31/19 i have a colleague whose wife also has a job that is beyond ... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 This is common among Russians. In the USSR there was no con... blathering state   03/31/19 right but the condescending attitudes you guys have with res... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 "right but the condescending attitudes you guys have wi... blathering state   03/31/19 women everywhere tend to want to date/marry up at least slig... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 American women are unusually accepting of marrying men that ... blathering state   03/31/19 yeah american women are more like that but i think it makes ... Floppy ladyboy   03/31/19 For sure. But I know several women that fit this descriptio... blathering state   03/31/19 Speaking for myself I can't really imagine being in a relati... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 While that's true, it can't be the case that both spouses ar... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 but you do seem to repeatedly get into similar situations th... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 I am fairly certain this is part of it Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Oh that absolutely can be and often is the case. And even i... blathering state   03/31/19 whoa. whats up old timer? uvt here. unfortunate that you... Offensive Parlor   03/31/19 we also havent had good relationship threading in years with... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 Agreed. Part of that is we have few normal posters here any... blathering state   03/31/19 Hai! Thanks for checking in. I can see a lot of sense in wha... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 seems cr the problem really seems to be that pretzel still ... Charismatic home   04/04/19 wow 400 comments! good job! appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 Thanks! I'm feeling really proud right now. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 next time someone tries to belittle you, point out that you ... appetizing place of business senate   03/31/19 Right. The thread was all about admitting defeat but instea... blathering state   03/31/19 ILLUSTRATIVE UPDATE I mentioned above that my husband was... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 That sucks but you also have to try and control your anger i... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 He just acts like a massive jerk, all self-assured and entit... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Actually, I take it back. He yells kind of a lot. But then w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 Like, why would you yell at and criticize your wife under th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 i guess the only thing I can say from his perspective is tha... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 Actually, it was less than an hour after he yelled at me. I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 You have to call them out but you need to remain calm the en... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Is this what you mean with all the comments about how you kn... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 sorry I dont follow. jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Oh, sorry, you may not have said exactly that. You said t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 if you cry, yell or otherwise lash out, even if he deserves ... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Your descriptions make me sound like a crazy person. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 no just like a human. but he's right--showing intense negat... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Swallow the feels. Ok, thanks! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 you are a woman and you react how women do when you are upse... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Also, if I do remain calm and he continues to be an asshold ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 this six month thing is kind of odd. seems like you should ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Not as simple as it sounds Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 you'd get a good job there or somewhere else anyway; is cust... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 It's kind of complicated but suffice it to say that the alte... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 i think i might be understanding this better now. you feel ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 He has said in house at a bank. I don't actually think doing... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 is applying for those jobs and doing an interview or two act... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 He can't work there without a huge opportunity cost and more... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 if your marriage was a good one (doesn't sound like it), the... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 what does 6 months have to do with anything? Have you eve... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 I'm pretty sure I have. It's like talking calmly into the et... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Sounds like you're mouthy and need to be put in your place outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   03/31/19 see this is an example where you escalated the situation unn... insanely creepy patrolman   03/31/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Ok. How would you have addressed the situation instead? I de... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 I’m not sure he was being as vicious in this instance ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 He yelled VERY angrily and did not back down even a little w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 it sounds like you both yell at each other and should try to... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 My belief is that I only yell when he does something mean to... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 i'm not saying that you're unjustified when you retaliate by... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 "behave in a superficially reasonable way while doing t... Offensive Parlor   04/01/19 Yeah, I kind of think I need to tell him I will leave him im... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Like if you witnessed that, what would you think? Toddler an... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 i'd probably think he was an asshole but my perspective hypo... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Ok. How would you have addressed the situation instead? I de... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 You've got a kid, you owe it to her to keep it together in f... insanely creepy patrolman   04/01/19 I agree a shouting match on front of a toddler is not ok. Th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 you both feel that the terms of your marriage are a raw shit... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Tbf if he's a lawyer, very high chance he is an unfeeling so... insanely creepy patrolman   04/01/19 A counselor I have spoken with has determined he is a narcis... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 To be fair, she is a lawyer too. blathering state   04/01/19 Ty. What does this mean? he likely feels (if he's not an ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Eek, sorry for your sister. That must be unpleasant Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 just note here that you say things like: "I don't ... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 ... insanely creepy patrolman   04/01/19 I see what you mean. I have tried this before, most notably ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 you tend to take a fatalistic view of things and view yourse... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Ok, I accept your assessment and recognize the truth in it. ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Part of you looking for men to dad you around is because you... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 That might be the key now that I think of it. Try to ge... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 I think it's a good idea to try this, but I am not 100% conv... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 as i suggested above, maybe you should more concretely show ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Maybe there is no harm in it. Possibly the main issue I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 like i and others have said, you either need to try to think... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   03/31/19 By the way I read this thread to my wife and she cooked me a... jade digit ratio native   03/31/19 Congrats! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 I'm not one for whiteknighting, but your husband seems incre... disturbing balding garrison   03/31/19 2.25 years. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Come up to AK and I'll ditch my fat gf Three thumbes up e... disturbing balding garrison   04/01/19 Lmao @ xo 2019 bossy multi-colored whorehouse   04/01/19 More like xo 2005 Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 lol pretty sure none of us saw this as our xo 2019 (i was ar... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 xo men were all on track to be V10 equity partners banking 3... insanely creepy patrolman   04/01/19 it was a beautiful and pure dream, brother. Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 lol blathering state   04/01/19 ... disturbing balding garrison   04/01/19 I truly never could have predicted what my life would be lik... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 We all feel this way. Especially Doobs. blathering state   04/01/19 try getting fat appetizing place of business senate   04/01/19 Come on man, getting fat won't solve anything...will it? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 husband could be a secret chubby chaser. you never know appetizing place of business senate   04/01/19 He does sometimes complain that I am too thin but then he co... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 there you go. your two best options are to hurt his feeling... appetizing place of business senate   04/01/19 Top tips on achieving each of these goals? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Rnpy3cC673o appetizing place of business senate   04/01/19 or just dump kid on him and bounce more often. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 Ugh but he will ignore her and/or snipe at her all the time.... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Would you say he is a bad dad. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 Would you say he is a bad dad. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 He is inattentive and critical, but occasionally gushing. He... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Is this board record thread? Boyish Unhinged Locale   04/01/19 I think she'd do OK even as a 2x divorcee with a kid. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 No! Who would date someone like this? Let's discuss. blathering state   04/01/19 maybe fratty would appetizing place of business senate   04/01/19 can confirm histrionic hairy legs   04/01/19 can you imagine being able to go places without everyone lau... appetizing place of business senate   04/01/19 yes instead I can have everyone on xo mock me for raising an... histrionic hairy legs   04/01/19 an indian chad's kid, no less. Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 I mean no doubt her dating options would improve if her chil... blathering state   04/01/19 What you all don't seem to realize is that my child is objec... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 he has mandy, and a pit bull. he understands that kind of l... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 To be fair, I don't actually have a pit bull. blathering state   04/01/19 used to right? Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Many years back had a pit bull / rottweiler mix who died of ... blathering state   04/01/19 ic. Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Do you feel your dog is the most precious creature ever to g... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Definitely. blathering state   04/01/19 Really looking forward to your threads about taking LH's 15 ... Amber school faggot firefighter   04/01/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 ... blathering state   04/02/19 I'm quite interested in what the conjecture will be here. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 See below. Also, divorced once is bad. But I guess people ... blathering state   04/01/19 You're wrong. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 someone would date her. a man "worthy" of her, ch... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Exactly. She might be attractive enough for some loser who ... blathering state   04/01/19 U r such faggot. She just needs to open it up to divorced da... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 Hey, hey HEY, there's no reason to really be that mean to he... blathering state   04/01/19 If I got divorced NOW I'd prefer single dads (ideally just 1... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 you'd probably just get married to one of the chad bosses yo... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 ... blathering state   04/01/19 they all love me yea they're all married or divorced with... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 BPM is being real. Values change when you are an old with ki... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Very kind of you. blathering state   04/01/19 i know lots of 40ish women who aren't at all open to that. Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 The problem is that a lot of women like LH divorce with the ... blathering state   04/01/19 women understand declining marketability viscerally and are ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Don't worry, this site has rammed into my head that I have d... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 I mean, my own husband apparently thinks I am gross. Why wou... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 random 45 year old dad would. don't know if you're open to ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 You lost me at 'random'. I don't think online dating is goin... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 i don't know that meeting a harvard grad on match would nece... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 i also don't think your husband thinks you're gross. i thin... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 LOL, I could be MAF at my wife and if she says "we're h... blathering state   04/01/19 my preference has always been to end a night in tranquility ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Yes, we have a rule that we don't go to bed fighting. blathering state   04/01/19 https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/63968241.jpg jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 I'm just venting my frustration! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 you do have a pattern to your frustration venting! jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Well, it's quite shit and it's something I have been insecur... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 imagine how the other late 30's women feel when a twice marr... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Oh it's not just about that. I am thinking of the whole pack... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 it's not disgust. universal approval from the opposite sex ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 it's not as bad as you're making it out to be depending on w... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 To be honest, meeting someone else sounds exhausting at this... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 the weight of this 700 post thread has caused it to collapse... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 It took me too long to understand this joke. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 one of them might be interested; would hardly be unprecedent... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Also, it's how people here are making it out to be! It's ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 7 years blows your mind? you wouldn't be the only woman wit... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 I mean guys who date women who are 25 to 38. Seems like the ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 you will probably have better luck long term with a 45 year ... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 this is all true. Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 and stop flirting and considering your alternatives while tr... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 that's very true too and the most important part. Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 What! How dare you accuse me of flirting! These sorts of ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Remember you can only control what you feel and what you do.... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Wtf! More like 36. Things are truly on life support now. ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 i can say the chances are 0% if you are lining up alternativ... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 they also need to get real and agree within the next year on... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 while her job is a bit of a hobby job (personal fulfillment ... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 i don't substantively disagree, but my point is that their n... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 tcr blathering state   04/02/19 your age isn't your only salient attribute (claiming that it... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 but are they divorcees with kid(s) who are done having kids? Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 to be frank, my smv is at a very low ebb relatively speaking... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 Jesus Christ. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 different guys value different things though, and gunt's rig... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 ... blathering state   04/01/19 Not yet, but we can keep this going. blathering state   04/01/19 it's probably close to a record for a thread with almost no ... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 Some election threads in 2016 were insane. blathering state   04/01/19 it's not even the longest thread in the last month histrionic hairy legs   04/01/19 It isn't over yet! blathering state   04/01/19 LH, if you could buy a performance SUV, which one would you ... blathering state   04/01/19 I don't even have a car! If I wanted to do this I would need... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Why not at least a Grand Cherokee? Or maybe a BMW X5? In E... blathering state   04/01/19 I would probably just buy whatever do recommended as the bes... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 do? blathering state   04/01/19 Xo. Autocorrect. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/01/19 Ok, when the time comes we'll be here for you. blathering state   04/01/19 Is he from a middle-class English family? Elite education? I... thriller property   04/01/19 i've visited england once and have like two indian american ... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 why would any non-turd marry a turd. their entire culture is... nofapping stag film   04/01/19 some of the nicest people i know are indians. Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 are they SCHOLARLY -- i.e. well educated for 3+ generations,... nofapping stag film   04/01/19 wonder how often you get out--non-scholarly brahman parents;... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 i live IRL breh. there are no unicorn "nice hindoostani... nofapping stag film   04/01/19 ... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 lol @ a certain person's level of participation ITT dead church building dysfunction   04/01/19 ... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/01/19 ... jade digit ratio native   04/01/19 it's actually kind of heart-warming right? and good thing... Floppy ladyboy   04/01/19 ... blathering state   04/01/19 Stfu already you crazy bint outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/01/19 LH, I’m truly sorry you’re having a hard time. ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/01/19 Hey, thanks! Yes, I am very worried about messing up my poor... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 How many people telling you to stay are parents? Earl isn&rs... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 I'm not suggesting she stay, but I do see a lot of myself in... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 XO (and indeed, modern society) underestimates the harm that... blathering state   04/02/19 even if the dude is partially right, if he does not respect ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 It also sounds like he is having serious career issues and p... blathering state   04/02/19 He got some very good career news Friday and he has already ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Look, hopefully it doesn't get in bad shape again. blathering state   04/02/19 But he isn't even that nice, just not psycho. Though TBF I c... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Look, I've seen below that you've been together for at least... blathering state   04/02/19 He is being kind of nice right now in response to me basical... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 "I am not convinced he is able to sustain the nicer beh... blathering state   04/03/19 His issue is insecurity. You’re not insecure so even ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 his insecurity is due to being a brahmin poor who cant provi... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 My self pity derives from insecurity. I think I am incompete... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 and you have not put any more effort into changing that than... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 I really have! It's probably most evident at work. Deciding ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 No he can’t get over it because he’s probably al... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 "Hard for men to come to terms with disappointment and ... blathering state   04/02/19 the difference is your are married to mandy who is more like... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 She absolutely has a dog personality. So do I. Marriage an... blathering state   04/02/19 Oops nm Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 lol, legit curious as to what this originally said. blathering state   04/03/19 If the guy is not even a doctor, just a $200kfag then there ... nofapping stag film   04/01/19 Posting in a historic thread twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage   04/01/19 the fuck happened to this thread. nuke it into oblivion Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   04/02/19 Why? This is solid content. blathering state   04/02/19 No one cares. I would tell you to get help but you're obviou... Galvanic field milk   04/02/19 This is a bit nonsensical. what kind of help? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 By the way, to those of you saying that the higher earner sh... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Tell me about yourself. I didn’t really start poasting... wonderful new version   04/02/19 "Maybe stay-at-home moms can decide on what tp feed the... blathering state   04/02/19 "By the way, to those of you saying that the higher ear... blathering state   04/02/19 I should possibly qualify this by saying that this is most s... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 At this point, I'm not even sure it is that much more common... blathering state   04/02/19 Where i live you have a right to one year mat leave and most... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 "I am the kind of person who would give my all to my jo... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 Way to misrepresent what I said. I love spending time wit... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 he's making all the money that allows you to live your lifes... insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 at their income level, all the extra money should go to the ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 I don't think we really understand their financial state. I... blathering state   04/02/19 Really? I don't make any money that contributes to the house... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 the harsh truth is that 75k isnt much of a contribution. if ... insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 He only makes $200k. The difference between $200k and $275k... blathering state   04/02/19 the issue is she could make $90K easily. Should she? jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 God these numbers all suck. That's not enough of a differen... blathering state   04/02/19 there is no inhouse for litigators in Europe. jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Nor in the US or anywhere else. But presumably she is in a ... blathering state   04/02/19 she is probably a consumer advocate or housing advocate or s... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 She said it was prestigious, so I assume it is something mor... blathering state   04/02/19 I don't suppose she could just ask the current job for a rai... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 I just got a raise! A lot of people didn't. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 She should not if the $90k job is going to make her miserabl... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 I think its probably harder for her to just find a job that ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 They both have to give and have an honest conversation with ... blathering state   04/02/19 I don't know what taxes and childcare costs are like in the ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 "I said above how $125K should be the magic number but ... blathering state   04/02/19 it's not a 1 to 1 trade off. If you only make what childcar... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 I understand that. But I have trouble understanding how you... blathering state   04/02/19 your talking to TMF Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 I get that you place no value on the time a parent spends ra... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 That is obviously a personal call but then people should say... blathering state   04/02/19 how is your trash job at all a competing priority over your ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 Fuck off. I told my husband that this was a great fear of mi... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 By the way, I respect this and think you're right. blathering state   04/02/19 Your right. I don't get to, nor have the ability to, tell y... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 Hey bro, you need some more nails for that cross or what? blathering state   04/02/19 First, don’t put too much stock into what the boards h... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 Ofs and I have dialed it way back. Fortunately my job is ins... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 you haven't really given us a realistic picture of what alte... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 I have not really explored them much and my husband only act... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 and what options are there for less work less or equal pay? jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Uh I don't think there are any. I would really at a loss to ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 your daughter cant buy shoes with prestige. jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Why do you HAVE to do more than your contractual hours? You... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 It's definitely expected. If he wouldn't complain about /... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 What is this nonsense? Most women aren't really all about t... blathering state   04/02/19 you literally have done nothing itt other than troll for you... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 I just have happened to meet an extraordinary people who spo... blathering state   04/02/19 she makes $75K. her career is shit and she should get the f... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 She makes almost 1/3 of the HHI (27%) and if her husband los... blathering state   04/02/19 He likes to tell me we couldn't when he points out that he i... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Savings + your salary couldn't let you survive for say, 6 mo... blathering state   04/02/19 Of course it could, with no problem at all. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Ok, then maybe you need to show him that. Like look at budg... blathering state   04/02/19 These days women also get an explicit leg up in the workplac... blathering state   04/02/19 and I'm sure you feel your husband should have equal say wit... chrome queen of the night   04/02/19 ... blathering state   04/02/19 To be honest, he is an authoritarian dickhead who constantly... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 get divorced so he can marry someone else. dead church building dysfunction   04/02/19 I suspect that IRL they're both equally obnoxious. He can't... blathering state   04/02/19 i think if you want to focus on your career and make tons of... insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 I think her in-between approach can be fine assuming that wo... blathering state   04/02/19 i basically agree with this. my point was more that if youre... insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 I think you end up with that conversation no matter what. I... blathering state   04/02/19 Seriously what the fuck are you talking about. My husband de... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Is he more of a cheapskate or more of a striver and want you... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/02/19 All of the above. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Does the family have money? Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/02/19 No Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 He sounds financial insecure. Sucks. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/02/19 non partner lawyers should feel financially insecure insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 Non-partner law firm lawyer making $200k in a major Euro cit... blathering state   04/02/19 sounds dreadful tbh insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 When we had their HHI in the NYC area with no kids we were a... blathering state   04/02/19 The alternative stance she could take is to twist the knife ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 jfc insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 am I wrong. I can sense his seething inadequacy contributin... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 he clearly feels inadequate, but a senior non partner attorn... insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 If maturity is impossible go for lulz blathering state   04/02/19 I already said this. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/02/19 ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 ... blathering state   04/02/19 Why are you such a victim? If you don't want to work and wou... chrome queen of the night   04/02/19 If I don't do what he wants he punishes me. It's hard to des... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 "If I don't do what he wants he punishes me." W... blathering state   04/02/19 spanking, obviously histrionic hairy legs   04/02/19 They never have sex, so... blathering state   04/02/19 Sounds like you guys need to have a discussion on how this s... blathering state   04/02/19 in my household, we strive for consensus-based decision maki... appetizing place of business senate   04/02/19 True, but even within that approach there are power-dynamics... blathering state   04/02/19 maybe, but it would be dickish to ever try to leverage that ... appetizing place of business senate   04/02/19 People in relationships can be dickish. That's life. blathering state   04/02/19 why do i even talk to you, you short, low-earning buffoon appetizing place of business senate   04/02/19 I read that in Mallory Archer's voice. blathering state   04/02/19 ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Actually xoxo is pretty consistent about this stance. The d... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 Yep, we all told TC to stuff it too. blathering state   04/02/19 And that was after his pants-wearing wife literally beat him... Amber school faggot firefighter   04/02/19 lmao, I missed that blathering state   04/02/19 There are a few issues here: you are working the job you ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 He is also probably in a horrible time in his career and tha... blathering state   04/02/19 haven't read through the whole thread. Is OP Pretzel? Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 yes op is pretzel/lonely hunter histrionic hairy legs   04/02/19 Sorry for her situation, but always found her to be a preten... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 That's odd. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Maybe a little harsh, but I recall your poasting because we ... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 What a return lhtp! Welcome back. This is bloodacre btw thou... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 Of course I remember you! I was trying to put a name to a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 I can't believe I read this whole thread, but the one inesca... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/02/19 "With the possible exception of a mortgage payment, the... blathering state   04/02/19 yeah this is not Silicon valley where $150K jobs jump out at... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 tcr. Also, having been in the position of me making aro... blathering state   04/02/19 You told me my job is "shit" because I make 75k ... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 She will 100% confirm that I absolutely did and spent a ton ... blathering state   04/08/19 From the sounds of it, I'm guessing she can probably work 15... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/02/19 well if we're just going to make shit up, let's assume she c... appetizing place of business senate   04/02/19 The whole point of my original comment is that THEY SHOULD N... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/02/19 ok, ok, maybe $400k 10-4 would be a better option appetizing place of business senate   04/02/19 the biggest thing I learned from this thread is that the UK ... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 Lawyers in most countries make way less generally. blathering state   04/02/19 That's $15k a year going towards the "luxury" of h... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/02/19 $75k/year is public sector and $90k/year is private sector. ... blathering state   04/02/19 Of course they could end up concluding her current job is th... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/02/19 This is why I go back to my original conclusion that they're... blathering state   04/02/19 Something that people seem to be missing is that he simultan... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 tell him you would be grateful if he actually worked hard as... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 I think that would be difficult but slightly less (like 115k... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 $115 is a lot more than $75, though its no $150. How much l... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Does that exist in law? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 probably not, but I didn't think jobs paid that little for l... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 i think your original advice was credited but i think you mi... histrionic hairy legs   04/02/19 "1. $15k (pre-tax) is a significant sum, yes, but... if... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/02/19 I think the $90k came from the discussion of what she would ... blathering state   04/02/19 the 90k was basic first year starting salary right? surely t... insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 this is the in-house salary, iirc, not law firm. razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/02/19 I thought 1st year law firm associate at local salary. blathering state   04/02/19 *LH is unreliable narrator* Explain I can and do work ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 I get that impression too. Those old-timers like myself com... blathering state   04/02/19 I have intentionally told you unflattering things about myse... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Let me put it this way - I don't think you're intentionally ... blathering state   04/02/19 she does not like having agency, except when someone tries t... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 From your posts ITT, it appears you are angling to be next i... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/02/19 lol no, I know her IRL and I heard her bitch about her husba... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 how hard did you choke her when you were banging her after s... Offensive Parlor   04/03/19 the wind cries jewdood insanely creepy patrolman   04/02/19 ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 This is the longest thread in Autoadmit history, right? concupiscible volcanic crater love of her life   04/02/19 stanford vs. berkeley, though that was on PR Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/02/19 I don't think so. That thread about two lawyers in a nasty d... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 holy shit blathering state   04/02/19 this has got to be one of the longest threads on a single to... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Could also be longest in terms of amount of text spilled. In... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 TJs turkey chili Glittery psychic national   04/02/19 Ok, LH, I just stalked you on LinkedIn to see where you&rsqu... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 "Sounds like what would actually make the most sense is... blathering state   04/02/19 People are right that he is likely in the middle of career t... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 Idk, my wife is another lawyer too and it was fine. I was a... blathering state   04/02/19 I have never said one negative thing about his career and fa... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Is there some way his career can get better? Maybe that will... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/02/19 It's just now gotten a bit better and he has been a bit nice... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 is he working at a firm? jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 No Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 shit so when he hits a rough patch in his career he takes it... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 I think everyone does that to at least some degree. He just... blathering state   04/03/19 The Asian wife chimes in: "CAN'T HE JUST MAKE MORE M... Provocative crimson resort mexican   04/03/19 I do that to my wife all the time but try to be apologetic. ... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 Aw :( Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 remember at the NYC meetup in 2010 you ordered sushi that ha... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 Yeah, it was gross. But baller. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 very baller. one of my fondest xo memories. sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 your wife is submissive and clueless and the fact that she m... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Can you say something about me. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/02/19 your ethereal beauty shames us all. It's not fair for you t... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 ok now do me, earl! sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 the stain of watchmen's scrotum sweat on your shoulder will ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 i would delete this post before he sees it. you don't want t... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 lol that clown took the biggest L ever when his IRL was sadl... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 ? sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 tcr blathering state   04/09/19 die Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/02/19 <3 jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 "the fact that she makes almost as much as you do says ... blathering state   04/08/19 Why r there so many poasts itt Sexy stage skinny woman   04/02/19 Welcome to XO's most SUCCESSFUL thread. blathering state   04/02/19 maybe this thread should be continued in a volume 2 type of ... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 You're missing the point here. I really, really want to see... blathering state   04/02/19 So if you suggested to you husband that you both move to Chi... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 what's this guy's nationality/ethnicity? i'm late to the par... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 i believe he is partially indian or from the subcontinent. jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 oh man. sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 I don't think he would like that. I think he would feel very... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 I don't know why everyone is focused on his career/ her care... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 idk, just because a wife considers her husband to be a dick ... blathering state   04/02/19 I am sure my wife has considered me to be a dick many times ... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 Yeah, but she is also more of a cat, as Earl mentioned, than... blathering state   04/02/19 or she wants help getting out of her head/viewpoint, especia... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/02/19 Earl's advice above is to move to Chicago, where she can get... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 uh have you read the other 99% of his responses? razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/02/19 Here and there. Agian, the bizarre thing to me is the focus ... Translucent windowlicker   04/02/19 part of my posts ITT are genuine advice. part of them are n... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Are you actually putting genuine thought and strategy into t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 making fun of your husband is second nature. But I didn't... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Update: he came home and I made him dinner. He became very p... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Geez, why can't everyone just be nice? blathering state   04/02/19 damn, girl. sounds like you need a latte! am i right? sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 Maybe a wine latte! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 don't even get me started! i'd just love to hit a pilates cl... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 Oh hell yes I live for wine o clock! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 last week i got, well, let's just say a little too tipsy. lo... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 I enjoyed this, ty Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 Further update: took a shower. Realized after that the curta... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 you yadda yadda'd the best part sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 ? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 your erotic shower was the best part of your post. here is t... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 pretty dumb if he cares about such things. even women shoul... Floppy ladyboy   04/02/19 This is the kind of thing he would be likely to scold me ove... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 yea certainly some signs in this thread that he's a control ... Floppy ladyboy   04/02/19 my wife yells at me all the time for leaving water on the ba... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 But I think he would be angry to see evidence that I got wat... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 what is his yelling like? is he especially vicious? My w... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 It varies. In this sort of case it would be contemptuous sco... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 and if you were to talk to him in that tone? sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 He would probably lash out at me. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 does he raise his voice? call you names? is it a cycle where... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 He raises his voice sometimes. No names. Constant miserly cu... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 did you used to have fun together? what was the foundation o... sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 I think the foundation of our relationship was a few shared ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 so he is extremely critical and you are defensive and don't ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 He hasn't hit me. He is very fussy and gets very annoyed ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 whoever said you are in a negative feedback loop is correct.... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 If he thought I was going to leave him imminently I think he... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 maybe you should do some divorce planning of your own. sapphire double fault shrine   04/02/19 how does divorce law in the old world work? jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xe0rfb Floppy ladyboy   04/02/19 You said you guys went to counseling already, right? This i... Amber school faggot firefighter   04/02/19 Yes, we did some counseling. I thought the counselor wasn't ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 So is/was his dad a huge asshole? Also I asked you nicely t... Amber school faggot firefighter   04/02/19 His dad seems sweet but I have come to believe he is an assh... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 I know you've been gone a while, but this shitbort became th... Amber school faggot firefighter   04/02/19 They never have sex anyway. Who cares? blathering state   04/02/19 (Clitpeen haver) Among many other reasons, if he’s ... Amber school faggot firefighter   04/02/19 on the other hand, if he were cheating, he would arguably be... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/02/19 Agreed. blathering state   04/03/19 This thread should hit 1000. Sorry pretzel you’re goi... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 I'm just pleased that my misery brings others joy Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 you do such an impressive job wallowing - you've made r-thre... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 Plus I supplement with analysis and a drip feed of anecdotes... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/02/19 tbh it's the steady drip of info that does it. gotta keep c... Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   04/02/19 ... jade digit ratio native   04/02/19 ... blathering state   04/02/19 It brings me no joy, but it does makes me feel better about ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/02/19 you should probably get a divorce too. just sayin! sapphire double fault shrine   04/03/19 Let's push for a 1000 like the old days! Anyway, let's al... High-end frum area   04/02/19 nah she just needs to find a nice version of this guy who ma... Floppy ladyboy   04/02/19 You forgot to include 'xoxohth!' High-end frum area   04/02/19 i've read through this entire thread. i have observations, ... cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate   04/02/19 ruh-roh... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 Hey, thanks! In response to your questions: 1) no ED, ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 what about the length/girth of his penis though? you've bee... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 I've got to leave some mystery, you know? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 3) yeah,I am not sure how to deal with this. Maybe therapy. ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Yeah wtf. Dunno why he’d turn down a young girl who wa... wonderful new version   04/03/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 jfc blathering state   04/16/19 5) thanks. I have struggled with this. I keep asking myself ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Out of curiosity, what attracted you to your husband in the ... wonderful new version   04/03/19 i think it's more cyclical and two-sided than it seems to yo... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIOY2ezMy9A wonderful new version   04/03/19 That was really unfunny. And also a bit classist. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Sometimes comedy is more about making a point than making yo... wonderful new version   04/03/19 The issue is that it's missing the point. He is making an im... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 "The issue is that it's missing the point. He is making... wonderful new version   04/03/19 It appears to me that the primary reason someone would want ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Yeah, but in many situations, the victim is partially to bla... blathering state   04/03/19 That's nice. It's such a funny joke since literally everyone... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 I didn't even watch the video. It is just a fact of life. ... blathering state   04/03/19 you've conceded in this thread that you're often angry at th... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 Listen, this thing about my job is just the latest issue. Th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 if he's actually bullied you throughout the entire relations... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 The thing is that from my perspective, he creates impossible... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 You have no one to blame but yourself for not vetting your m... wonderful new version   04/03/19 Well, we are where we are now. If you believe abuse theory, ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Men aren't that smart or calculating. Translucent windowlicker   04/03/19 I don't think that it's necessarily supposed to be a fully c... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 women ignore the shitty behavior (which is often blatant but... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 titcr. I remember sitting in a bar with a drinking buddy a... Translucent windowlicker   04/03/19 i think it's possible he'd behave more reasonably if you did... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 Nailed it. blathering state   04/03/19 7) absolutely not. I am not sure I am even capable of having... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 lol "not capable of having an affair", didnt you c... pearly puppy   04/03/19 that was only a night or a week of hot sex with some latin l... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 Nailed it. And hilariously, I think she believed it when sh... blathering state   04/03/19 see above. i don't think she counts that as an "affair... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 I don't comment on the board's assumptions about my past rel... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 I get it, it wasn't "carrying on" or "underha... blathering state   04/03/19 I was fully aware of what people here would say but I have r... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 By the way, your policy here is unhelpful to your cause. M... blathering state   04/03/19 Ok. Well I am not discussing people's conjecture or any unde... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 No, I think we all get how to reconcile what happened with y... blathering state   04/03/19 I clearly was aware of what people here would say. I clearly... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 I understand your point. It may even be accurate. I'm not ... blathering state   04/03/19 Jesus don't be so aspie. She said she doesnt have it in her... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 I don’t know if this will bring you comfort, but child... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 "children growing up don’t realize there is any o... blathering state   04/03/19 Your dad sounds like a fuck. Like he owed you nothing and vi... sapphire double fault shrine   04/03/19 I'm not the one who came up with the idea that he is abusive... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Well you've described him as abusive multiple times througho... sapphire double fault shrine   04/03/19 I feel uncomfortable about it. However I know something is s... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Also, I was first told it was abusive by people on another c... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 if he's never hit you its probably not considered abuse unde... jade digit ratio native   04/03/19 Look up 'coercive control'. I am very torn because I kind... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 at least for civil restraining orders, the standards in diff... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 untrue re first part. sapphire double fault shrine   04/03/19 If her husband is a narcissist, which seems to be based on w... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 Have you had a relationship with your dad as an adult? I... sapphire double fault shrine   04/03/19 I mostly just want to have primary custody in the event we w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 oh, yeah you'll get that. sapphire double fault shrine   04/03/19 Yeah I don’t mean she should fight to the death for fu... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 Ok yeah i'm definitely in agreement that LH should have prim... sapphire double fault shrine   04/03/19 This might sound dumb, but how do you know your dad was a na... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 I really would listen to me over Nutella here. (props, btw,... cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate   04/03/19 "unscathed" she POSTS ON XO nofapping stag film   04/03/19 That's terrible. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 "my parents divorce have any ill effects on me at all&q... fishy swashbuckling office   04/03/19 Reading comprehension fail Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 Hi there. I don't really have anything to add and I haven't... Burgundy theater stage   04/03/19 we're not there yet man! wonderful new version   04/03/19 almost though! Burgundy theater stage   04/03/19 969 brother....only 11 to go! wonderful new version   04/03/19 (Xo 2019 nofapping stag film   04/03/19 ? wonderful new version   04/03/19 ... blathering state   04/03/19 this meme is never funny or clever but is particularly stupi... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/03/19 ... lascivious ebony gas station   04/03/19 We maed it. Over 1k! blathering state   04/03/19 - kind of shitty for earl to out her husband as a turdskin b... Provocative crimson resort mexican   04/03/19 I never said he was a doctor Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 why would you marry a non-doctor you should just take dotte... nofapping stag film   04/03/19 uh, yeah about the wall. it's not going that great appetizing place of business senate   04/03/19 do you disagree that CBP would exclude a reported psycho mur... nofapping stag film   04/03/19 cpb has bigger fish to fry, like travelers with undeclared f... appetizing place of business senate   04/03/19 I got busted for a pear I forgot in my bag once. That beagle... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 XO beagle Motley Therapy   04/03/19 is that how you lost your citizenship appetizing place of business senate   04/03/19 His ethnicity was mentioned a few times ITT before I posted ... jade digit ratio native   04/03/19 ... talented erotic abode   04/03/19 That's really not funny and I hope you will clarify that it'... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 what was the unfunny joke Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 my 1000 post marriage thread was unsuccessful appetizing place of business senate   04/03/19 Keep trying! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 how do you like motherhood btw? Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/03/19 My daughter is the light of my life, seriously. People tell ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 just 1. That's great! I've found it incredibly grounding and... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/03/19 I would love to have another one but it's difficult to imagi... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 I'm not sure I can handle it honestly but yea. Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/03/19 Oh yes, there's that. Do you have 24/7 help? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 not at all. just preschool + afterschool + part time sitter Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/03/19 + school? that's a fair amount of childcare. Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 no shit it's 40 hours a week. mind you i get off by 4:30 95%... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/03/19 lol no reason to get mad at me moonape. glad all is well an... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 You guys have money, do it and don’t wait until #1 is ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 i don't feel like getting pregnant. i just got back to pre-b... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/03/19 You’re asian, you’ll be fine. I’m back to... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 Btw I asked you a question above that may have been buried. ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 edit: found your question. I started seeing a therapist a... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 is narcissism a real thing or is that just what all assholes... jade digit ratio native   04/03/19 It's a recognized personality disorder: https://www.psycholo... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 Show him this thread. plum spectacular forum   04/03/19 Thanks for your thoughtful advice Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 I give great advice which is why I won Rookie of the Year th... plum spectacular forum   04/03/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 thread is proof women should not be allowed to vote/have any... Saffron Nudist Associate   04/03/19 Yes, it would appear to be objective proof of all those thin... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 u mad? Saffron Nudist Associate   04/03/19 So very mad Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 you know this situation is entirely your fault, correct? you... Saffron Nudist Associate   04/03/19 one of the chinese women married a banker making 500k+ annua... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 relevance? Saffron Nudist Associate   04/03/19 the economics are different such that whether bpm works and ... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 irrelevant. good try Saffron Nudist Associate   04/03/19 very relevant. easy to sound reasonable when life's bountie... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 the zen lessons don't change when you're poor. hth Saffron Nudist Associate   04/03/19 Rich people never divorce! Also, pretzel is far from poor. ... Translucent windowlicker   04/03/19 https://www.cnbc.com/2018/10/10/being-rich-may-increase-your... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 We have zero problems paying our bills. My husband is fixate... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 that wasn't my implication. i'd surmised that the affluent ... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 One thing all the xo livelihood insecurity has brought to li... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/03/19 i think what law beaver was saying expressly/implicitly abov... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 "you guys could do OK on his income alone" Not ... blathering state   04/03/19 The financial aspect is not ultimately the problem. I firml... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 the guy sounds like an asshole and i'm not trying to discoun... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 the issue is that LH avoid acknowledging that she has any co... jade digit ratio native   04/03/19 i agree with all of that. you and nutella are saying differ... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 nutella views it through the prism of her shitty dad cheatin... jade digit ratio native   04/03/19 i can see all of that, but without being able to someone mea... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 she is not a reliable narrator. It's hard to tell if these ... jade digit ratio native   04/03/19 lh, reliable/unreliable? i don't know. far from clear? ab... Floppy ladyboy   04/03/19 Self awareness requires first acknowledging your weaknesses.... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/03/19 Ok, so she goes through divorce #2 for some silly, nebulous ... blathering state   04/03/19 Why are you saying I am not a reliable narrator? Why do you ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 you've said you're mean to him but believe it's justified. ... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 Have i said I am mean to him? I don't think I have? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 you yell and prod harshly when you feel wronged. you believ... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 Ok, that makes sense. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 yeah by unreliable I mean you approach the issue from the se... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 "you aren't approaching this issue from a "how do ... blathering state   04/04/19 Neither of these people married out of love. They used each ... plum spectacular forum   04/03/19 Whoah! Chilmata preaching truth. Didn't know you had this ki... Translucent windowlicker   04/03/19 there's some truth in this, but jesus i think there's con... cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate   04/03/19 They rented out part of the house to pay for the mortgage wh... blathering state   04/03/19 I don't think that people here understand how obsessed he is... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 (he's obsessed with money) (i agreed because i am too) sr... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 No, I am not obsessed with money. I'm just quite tolerant of... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 do you have it in your heart to love this man if he's more r... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 The main question is how can you confirm if someone is redee... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 i'd speak very frankly with your husband when you feel you'r... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 The thing is that I have done this many times before. He... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 you can't ban him from discussing your salary. You can ask ... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 I have told him not to bring it up in situations like the on... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 given that some people view money as an abstraction I don't ... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 But I had already told him that I didn't think it was fair o... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 I'm probably projecting my experience with women and money g... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 He's definitely better at that. But that doesn't mean he can... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 "But I had already told him that I didn't think it was ... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/04/19 Ok. This was a discussion about getting an allergy test f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 And I might add that even when I made more money than he did... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 to be fair, you did quit pretty quickly no? What took his... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 I changed jobs on mutual agreement fairly soon after I moved... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 also not once in the 1200 posts have you acknowledged that y... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 I would have preferred not to balance a child and work. I we... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 And everyone here seems to ignore my point that literally in... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 Wait, how is that intellectually inconsistent? Just take a j... wonderful new version   04/04/19 He has pushed me to do this in my current job. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 jfc. Yeah just do ask for a 40% raise and not get laughed at... wonderful new version   04/04/19 Oh, and in response to your question: I'm not sure if I coul... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 the question is have you already made up your mind. and i'm... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 I think what's happening here is I am struggling with that q... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 maybe he says all the right things in part because he believ... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 He has lots of friends. He is very charming. His friends def... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 i wonder whether he often lashes out inappropriately at othe... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 He is nice to his friends and family. He can be really n... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 good sign if he's actually nice to his friends and family ... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 I think he's ok with people as long as they do what he wants... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 then i suppose we're left with your relationship and what yo... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 It's a weird situation. We were working in the same office t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 if it was supposedly a love relationship at that point he sh... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 Ugh it's all coming back to me now. We discussed that. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 He’s a narcissist. Leave him. Stop wasting your life b... twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage   04/04/19 He showed me his emails to the electrician and I was like wt... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 if the electrician was trying to rip him off or your husband... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 I'm all for being a snippy dick where warranted. He escalate... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 who the fuck are you loser pontificating heady spot corn cake   04/04/19 Rate me as a poster. supple swollen dragon   04/04/19 Other/previous monikers? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 whok wonderful new version   04/04/19 180 Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 TY :))))) dashing sepia feces church   04/21/19 Why did you marry a fucking non-westernized turdskin Indian?... wonderful new version   04/04/19 He is extremely westernised. I didn't understand his family ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 Westernized aside from his draconian perspective on women&rs... wonderful new version   04/04/19 If you met this guy you would probably find him very charmin... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 I would probably think he’s a striving lawyer douche w... wonderful new version   04/04/19 Hey I looked you up on Facebook (haven't checked your profil... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 You just like gettin pounded out don’t you? wonderful new version   04/04/19 ofc and he looks like he could do it rill good French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 But only twice a year insanely creepy patrolman   04/04/19 No no no I could change that. French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 180 insanely creepy patrolman   04/04/19 How hard could it be? Just roll over and start sucking hi... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 I reckon that'd do the trick insanely creepy patrolman   04/04/19 was going to do a blank bump but sounds like he would push h... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 There is a very hard-line rule against cuddling when he is s... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 lol and him forcing you to go to bed when he does. have you... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 well if a week night, that could wake him up. Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 Do those big black titties bounce around a lot when you&rsqu... wonderful new version   04/04/19 This isn't the Hustler message board. French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 It was just out of concern. Might make sense to strap those ... wonderful new version   04/04/19 Wow sounds like an appropriate thing to say to a "frien... pontificating heady spot corn cake   04/04/19 Face palm. He’s not hot, nor is he Chadly. And this sp... twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage   04/04/19 How so you know whether hes hot or not? French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 Lol, never change bluesmoke. “Hey it doesn’t ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/04/19 she doesn't know any better but it should be easy to grasp e... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 Wow I didn't expect these responses I was just joking.. ... French multi-billionaire   04/04/19 I can’t believe some cunt’s shitty marriage thre... shimmering beady-eyed cruise ship   04/04/19 LEAVE HIM. You should’ve left him yesterday. It’... twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage   04/04/19 OP, question for you. I'm not expecting you to answer these ... plum spectacular forum   04/04/19 This is a reasonable question. The main difference betwee... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 I thought you said he was the frugal one always complaining ... plum spectacular forum   04/04/19 It's ok to spend money on his goals. The house is an investm... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 Ok, I think I see what the root of the problem is then. Two ... plum spectacular forum   04/04/19 he likes to spend big money on big stuff (like many men), sh... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 Business class? That's really unfair. Have you flown wit... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 tone doesn't always carry over. i was exaggerating for effe... Floppy ladyboy   04/04/19 Understood :) Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 ... Tan confused plaza mental disorder   04/04/19 Yeah, that's what this thread needs--more blank bumps. plum spectacular forum   04/04/19 Oh I didn't realize he wants to spend lots of money on shit ... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 He conceptualises the renovation as an investment so he does... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 You are just choosing sides which isn't going to help her. ... plum spectacular forum   04/04/19 No, what is happening is he complains about how I want to sp... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/04/19 that you are married and have your own money is a problem it... jade digit ratio native   04/04/19 Yeah, we have all joint bank accounts so I have no idea how ... blathering state   04/04/19 The arrangement works out quite well for him as he obviously... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 You know, we had a time when we argued over money when she m... blathering state   04/05/19 Lol I hope he was kidding. The only time I’ve reimburs... jade digit ratio native   04/05/19 He said it by text and I ignored. He later mentioned it a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 This morning's illustrative example: The au pair is sick.... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 pretzel that sounds maybe just like a busy guy aside from th... Floppy ladyboy   04/05/19 I think the key is "aside from the anger". He... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 you're not shit and you're good and trying to do your best. ... Floppy ladyboy   04/05/19 Well, I have texted him to say that he was out of line blami... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 you're a notoriously good cook here. look you hate this g... Floppy ladyboy   04/05/19 Thanks. I appreciate your advice and support! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 Wow it sounds like he remembers. EVERYTHING and holds grudge... French multi-billionaire   04/05/19 I mean, in this case I didn't even perceive myself as doing ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 Sigh I really don't know what to say *hugs* French multi-billionaire   04/05/19 you're a great cook but both of you could've made a more tha... Floppy ladyboy   04/05/19 You nevet answered me! Why did you laugh at mw in that ot... French multi-billionaire   04/05/19 link? friends can laugh at friends, and i think you're stuc... Floppy ladyboy   04/05/19 I actually don't think I could have. I think he is bad at pr... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 I have to do the dishes so I get annoyed when my wife uses e... jade digit ratio native   04/05/19 Thanks for sharing your highly relevant experience :) I d... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 it is relevant! when you cut up 5 different veggies for the... jade digit ratio native   04/05/19 I didn't make a sauce! It was a hunk of meat, some potatoes,... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 ha okay - well it sounds absurd that your husband would bitc... jade digit ratio native   04/05/19 I think he was angry he had to watch our daughter Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 He has now replied apologizing for being grumpy. That's some... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 This falls into the typical marriage bickering category. Ev... blathering state   04/05/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/05/19 I’d agree if it’s not in front of the child. Ch... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/05/19 I take it your view hasn't changed the more you have read? O... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 My view hasn’t changed. You may be an unreliable narr... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/05/19 Thanks. Sadly, not lying. It has occurred to me that he l... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 And have you yourself learned to be the victim from your mom... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/05/19 Probably, it's gross. I have tried to model calmly standi... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 Sounds like you both have some immature tendencies that feed... blathering state   04/05/19 I definitely am at a loss as to how to respond to someone wh... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 You tell him to cut it out and to stop being a dick over sma... blathering state   04/05/19 Or at least keep it together in front of my daughter, as Nut... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/05/19 You’re right that’s really sad. You need to prot... twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage   04/05/19 I agree, though I'll note that my parents absolutely never h... blathering state   04/08/19 I'm just saying, if we have kids I'm sure we will snap at ea... blathering state   04/05/19 Yep My father always puts down my mother and says misogyn... French multi-billionaire   04/06/19 Gross Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/06/19 As a note: women tend to be much worse drivers. That's just... blathering state   04/07/19 link? appetizing place of business senate   04/07/19 Do you not drive? blathering state   04/07/19 i asked for a link appetizing place of business senate   04/07/19 http://gothamist.com/2011/07/07/study_says_women_really_are_... blathering state   04/08/19 Jesus, seriously? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 In most of the world this statement wouldn't even be controv... blathering state   04/07/19 tl;dr OP is a skank free-loading jewess   04/05/19 Lol @ this thread concupiscible volcanic crater love of her life   04/05/19 It is officially XO's longest/most successful thread. What ... blathering state   04/05/19 We went on our weekly date night yesterday and I had an insi... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/06/19 LOL I was peeping all the fancy spots you guys are at in you... French multi-billionaire   04/06/19 No, those will largely be from nice (but usually cheap) vaca... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/06/19 could be worse. I just finished revising loan documents for... jade digit ratio native   04/06/19 Is this every week? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/06/19 and you guys don't have sex afterwards.... Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig   04/06/19 Who has the energy when you have an annoying baby at home, a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/06/19 sex is something young people do. appetizing place of business senate   04/07/19 Nah. Not to be Doobs but the pics I saw are post-baby. I d... French multi-billionaire   04/06/19 God, he is just subtly a dick all the time. We agreed to ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 How did he react when you hugged him? French multi-billionaire   04/07/19 He hugged me back Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 Well that's good at least! French multi-billionaire   04/07/19 lunch and dinner dates don't always come off. kids enjoy te... Floppy ladyboy   04/07/19 He just didn't feel like it and he isn't worried about other... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 Agreed..this doesn't seem like something worth creating an i... Insecure laughsome point   04/07/19 You should see how he flips out constantly over extremely mi... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 ... blathering state   04/07/19 You sound like you're mentally ill. Doesn't mean your hu... Slimy nighttime son of senegal center   04/07/19 Probably not. This situation isn't helping. I can't really f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 A few observations: 1. So remember above how you said he ... blathering state   04/07/19 yeah but she is justified to be mad because he is a jerk to ... jade digit ratio native   04/07/19 I don't disagree but I wonder to what extent she is in a pas... blathering state   04/07/19 im being sarcastic. jade digit ratio native   04/07/19 So you think that this is what is happening? I'm just as bad... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 it's clear you don't love this guy and want out of the relat... Provocative crimson resort mexican   04/07/19 ... plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 I'm also not detailing every single shitty thing he has done... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 This seems like silly bickering. blathering state   04/07/19 Ok. Well when the pattern of silly bickering over years goes... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Yeah, your examples demonstrate it isn't "one way."... blathering state   04/08/19 He is suddenly making a big effort to be less of a dick. I'm... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 obviously he's a poster appetizing place of business senate   04/07/19 I'm sure he's not but that would be quite the twist! He d... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 Sounds like most of your resentment towards him centers on t... Insecure laughsome point   04/07/19 No, I also have a lot of resentment which derives from his l... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 Not sure if this was addressed in one of the 1000+ posts abo... Insecure laughsome point   04/07/19 Not really. He has bullied me into a lot of things and disre... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 So basically there's nothing to save here and you're going t... Insecure laughsome point   04/07/19 I don't know. I am ashamed of myself for being annoyed with ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 Probably shouldn't be ashamed. He sounds like an asshole. Th... Insecure laughsome point   04/07/19 We had some marriage counseling. I was very, very angry i... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/07/19 "People who believe in abuse theory (eg the ladies on m... Provocative crimson resort mexican   04/07/19 You can already tell from this thread that she loves feminis... blathering state   04/07/19 I couldn't understand why he was so mean and uncaring of my ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 190 post nofapping stag film   04/08/19 The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of the... nofapping stag film   04/08/19 I seriously suggest you see a psychiatrist. Your husband mi... blathering state   04/08/19 ... plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 This is such minor shit it seems like you're just grasping a... insanely creepy patrolman   04/07/19 Who the fuck gets mad over a magazine? Provocative crimson resort mexican   04/07/19 Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 180 post nofapping stag film   04/08/19 Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I ... nofapping stag film   04/08/19 Who has paper magazines anymore anyway? blathering state   04/08/19 dude, step back for a second. magazines... jade digit ratio native   04/08/19 It's not just about the magazine. He pays basically zero att... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 yea what a fucking dick. also you totally aren't batshit ins... Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/08/19 youre unhinged. jfc insanely creepy patrolman   04/08/19 Remember when I said she was an unreliable narrator and that... blathering state   04/08/19 I asked an IRL friend about this and she agreed it was dicki... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 "I asked an IRL friend about this and she agreed it was... blathering state   04/08/19 My friend has a baby and it wasn't difficult to explain the ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 I get that, but that doesn't lend itself any more credibilit... blathering state   04/08/19 Maybe I am surrounded by dicks, but this is like 80% of dads... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/08/19 I am sure that mothers are more in tune with their babies on... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Hey, asshole. I said she was an unreliable narrator, and you... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/08/19 So I don’t know what happens every time your husband w... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/08/19 You make $500k and are clipping subway coupons lol 180 milky sinister idiot brunch   04/08/19 ... blathering state   04/08/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 like when my husband let my toddler draw all over some subwa... Narrow-minded address death wish   04/08/19 ljl. I guess he isn't allowed to cum tonight. blathering state   04/08/19 why are they going to subway. isn't LA lousy with cheap heal... nofapping stag film   04/08/19 She doesn't have a strict napping schedule but he takes zero... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 "He just doesn't care that much about anyone else and h... blathering state   04/08/19 Was that a fair statement? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Not really. I mean, everyone is ultimately selfish but he g... blathering state   04/08/19 Ah, I see. Well, my husband is very self serving. He may ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 I'm just saying, at 2 I think I may have preferred my mom to... blathering state   04/08/19 Do you know any 2 year olds? They're really not. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 they're cute but objectively dumb. Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 tcr blathering state   04/09/19 Did you ask him to put her down for a nap or do bedtime? Do... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/08/19 On this occasion I did not say those words, no. However, we ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 I don’t think I’m changing my view but just sayi... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/08/19 Seems fair. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Seems fair. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 what you describe is typical selfish behavior but its not ab... jade digit ratio native   04/08/19 I didn't say it was? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Hi. I miss you. I just found this thread. What is the bes... flatulent electric furnace indian lodge   04/08/19 Holy crap. Here's another 100+ posts. How have you been ... blathering state   04/08/19 Hi TMF <3 Glad to see you still here, too. I've onl... flatulent electric furnace indian lodge   04/08/19 "japanese forest" o_O sounds scary ... nofapping stag film   04/08/19 Great to see you too! You're not derailing this at all. ... blathering state   04/08/19 holy shit sup rina! Charismatic home   04/08/19 hello flatulent electric furnace indian lodge   04/08/19 Hi! I miss you, too. I am sorry that I have been a bad frien... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Ok, awesome. Sucks that it has blown up; you seemed so happ... flatulent electric furnace indian lodge   04/08/19 Wow, going to get to 1400 posts. This is how you bad-marria... vivacious pale friendly grandma   04/08/19 You have to step up your game bro -- you and Thunder Collins... Translucent windowlicker   04/08/19 ... plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 She is phenomenal at it. The slow drip-drip of info. The t... blathering state   04/08/19 Guys, if you have a wife at home that changed all the diaper... Narrow-minded address death wish   04/08/19 Do you really believe our issues are petty BS? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 I'm not going to dissect this whole thread but all the nappi... Narrow-minded address death wish   04/08/19 no, but you dwell on the petty stuff as well as the big stuf... jade digit ratio native   04/08/19 Got it. I think in some ways pettier things matter more when... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 These threads definitely remind me that I'm very lucky. blathering state   04/08/19 Nutella: your poast above could be read to say that you now ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 What do you consider to be the top 3 most abusive things you... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/08/19 Wow, this is tough. I may have to do multiple posts as I thi... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 If this is what qualifies as 'abuse' these days, we've water... Glittery psychic national   04/08/19 ... plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 The current definition includes coercive control, which incl... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 If abuse is a spectrum, what you are experiencing is at one ... plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 Ok? So my husband treating me like crap therefore doesn't ma... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 we cant take what you say at face value. second you are defi... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 Nothing about his behaviour seems a bit off and I am just a ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Bingo. And none of that is "abuse." Abuse is put... blathering state   04/08/19 Well, to start I am terrified of what he will do to me if I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Also not abuse. You don't mean "he might beat me to de... blathering state   04/09/19 to be fair, that's exactly the sort of abuse that got dan ma... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 Oh people absolutely do resort to outright violence over it.... blathering state   04/09/19 nah i'm giggling that some jewish bitch in miami cried "... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 It definitely matters, but labeling his behavior as abusive ... plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 ... Glittery psychic national   04/08/19 Other people informed me that he is abusive based on daily u... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 So is he abusing you or not? If you think he's abusing you, ... plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 So your definition of abuse is behavior that would provide g... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 We have the most watered down definition of abuse in Califor... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 I am interested in your concept of a 50/50 dad. To me it... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 you frame him being an asshole as him punishing you as if yo... jade digit ratio native   04/08/19 It's funny because the marriage counselor asked why I didn't... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Do not give him ANY of your USD. Under any circumstance. jade digit ratio native   04/09/19 Exactly right. This is an insult to legitimate abuse victim... blathering state   04/08/19 i know recounting this cute story is emotionally cathartic b... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 See above. Do you think it's cute? Because it was fucking... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 i meant cute sarcastically duh. but 99.99% of married couple... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 Ok, well I moved far far away from my family for him. I spen... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 "Do you believe in the concept of emotional abuse?"... blathering state   04/08/19 I constantly do feel unsafe and on edge. I am always tiptoei... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Yeah, holding to my position that he might be a dumb asshole... blathering state   04/09/19 Not enough detail about how he treated you horribly or thing... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/08/19 Ok. Well he didn't communicate any of that to me in a way th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 I don’t want or mean to discount anything he has done,... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/08/19 Does he still sound narcissistic to you? I have spent so muc... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Yes. I don’t consider my dad abusive either. Narciss... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/08/19 “Wow, this is tough. I may have to do multiple posts a... nofapping stag film   04/09/19 Oh and PS my daughter was in very little danger on the escal... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 I dunno, I am not a fan of the modern parenting idea that yo... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/08/19 He puts very little thought into her as far as I can tell ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 2. Our baby was a couple of months old and he decided we nee... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 dude, this is life annoyance, not abuse. He is an asshole a... jade digit ratio native   04/08/19 to be fair i support her here. taking in a lodger even i... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 We could pay all our bills no problem. He felt insecure abou... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 i agree with everything you said - which is why i concluded ... jade digit ratio native   04/09/19 I honestly don't think she understands that these are differ... blathering state   04/08/19 Dude do you have any other hobbies besides posting? You&rsqu... twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage   04/08/19 I waste entirely too much time on this, no doubt. blathering state   04/08/19 When I brought this up in front of the marriage counselor, s... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Yes, because think about the sort of people that are marriag... blathering state   04/09/19 Was this entire thread flame on your part? Contagious mauve casino mood   04/08/19 I think this is a ljl @ cawgs thread. blathering state   04/08/19 the biggest problem here is that is that is both of you have... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 What? I wanted to live in a cheaper area. I am way more chil... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 you dont come across as chilled out here. a chilled out wome... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 cr this is what emotional abuse looks like plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 ... blathering state   04/08/19 tc is so alpha appetizing place of business senate   04/08/19 I'm distorting how bad it is? How do you know? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/08/19 Are you sure you aren't johnsmeyer? plum spectacular forum   04/08/19 my personal opinion based on what you said ITT. you are comp... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 I read this and feel sorry for you. only you can decide the ... Motley Therapy   04/08/19 Because when asked to give your worst examples of abuse you ... blathering state   04/08/19 I don't understand why the fact that other people have dealt... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 I don't understand why the fact that other people have dealt... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 i don't understand why you had to say that twice. Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 I apparently hit the back button and it looked like it hadn'... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 figured something of the sort. just trying to have fun with... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 I REALLY needed TMF to heed my point!!!!!111 Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 tmf is heedless tho so it's probs hopeless. Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 ... blathering state   04/09/19 Who says it's ok? Why do you keep doing this? We are trying ... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 I know the nap and magazine are molehills. Obviously a re... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Ps please see my q for you above about 50/50 dad's! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 he's saying he's likely not the kind of dad who would want t... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 This sounds correct. He's the type that will fight for 50/50... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 ... blathering state   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ok I'll check when I get to the office plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 Ty! I am quite interested in this. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Guaranteed he will fight for 50/50 custody just to make your... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/09/19 I have been urged to do this by friends but I appear to be v... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 you need to start printing out and copying any bank, brokera... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/09/19 Please link to the bipolar poster’s thread twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage   04/08/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 the worst abuse was (based on what you've said above) ~abuse... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 I disagree about my career moves. I think he is resentful ab... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 i think he wants you to be in-house. didn't you say that's ... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 he wants you to either work less or to make more. He wants ... jade digit ratio native   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 This seems accurate Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 you both sound pretty insufferable. Offensive Parlor   04/09/19 ... outnumbered site scourge upon the earth   04/09/19 My god, what happened here? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 So this is what I posted above in response to your question ... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 I think they're in the UK though. They're not in the US at ... blathering state   04/09/19 My point is that nowhere is more shitlib then where I am and... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 My point is I'm not trying to get a TRO. However, the behavi... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 You are either being abused or you aren't. If you are be... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 How would you characterize the behavior I have described her... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 No, he may legit be unpleasant/not nice. But stop calling i... blathering state   04/09/19 I concur with the numerous posters above who say that you ar... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 No, I don't think the counselor was very good. However,I tri... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 You guys need to take ecstasy or shrooms together or somethi... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 I would also say that I have been very respectful of his wis... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 "I've seen a judge grant a restraining order because he... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 I defended literally hundreds of DVTRO trials and lost only ... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 I'm confused. Wouldn't most loving mothers who had concerns ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 yeah i don't think it's a fair question for that reason but ... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 In the hundreds of cases I've done not a single child was ev... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 Most people on the non-defense side think that abusive behav... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Because their stories had lots of holes in them that I would... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 oh shit you forgot to spell behavior with a fucking u Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin   04/09/19 My autocorrect uses a u. I override if I feel like it but I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Oh, so you're just doing defense? I see. Would you answe... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 I didn't only do defense. I also filed for restraining order... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 That's interesting. What is your opinion on dads that just w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 I don't really understand dads like that. I'm about to go to... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 Oh congratulations! In contrast, my husband didn't want ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 I don't do family law anymore. I have a boring desk job now.... plum spectacular forum   04/09/19 https://i.ibb.co/6mrWFGr/1904092131.jpg Soul-stirring nursing home coldplay fan   04/09/19 Ty Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/09/19 Can we get to 2000? LH, let’s hear some more anecdo... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/09/19 they broke up before they got engaged because he wanted to b... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 oh damn. did they ever get back together appetizing place of business senate   04/09/19 yeah they're "together" now hence all the joyitt. Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 you are so low IQ schtick blathering state   04/09/19 i think that's five mechanical lions fucking around with eve... Floppy ladyboy   04/09/19 I enjoy his schtick. the other day I read a thread where peo... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 oh it's pure delight and at least close to genius. Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 He's super smart Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 2000 wont count anymore because some spammer asshole tried t... jade digit ratio native   04/09/19 Oh, wow! What you may remember is a special valentine's D... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Is this before or after marriage nofapping stag film   04/10/19 Before, in the era when he was ignoring me at work when he f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Um, what were you thinking marriage/kids would be like? Not... blathering state   04/10/19 Re this particular incident, I think I felt like it was my f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 bad judgment, why did you marry if rlsp was this troubled in... nofapping stag film   04/10/19 ... blathering state   04/10/19 I thought it was a situational problem. After he dumped me h... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 An update from this morning which you all will hate, but is ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 is the au pair hawt? Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 No. She is very overweight. He previously didn't want to ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 "very overweight" :(. well guess i won't ask for... Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 Sorry, man Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 I still don't know who you are. Where are you? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 My grades were SPS but I am an amazing writer so I got on la... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 we were xo friends i think but i wasn't in or around nyc way... Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 you sound a bit like twist, or at least someone just as cuck... Offensive Parlor   04/10/19 twist hated law school and dropped out after like his first ... Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 Or that poaster from the west coast who had yellow fever razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/10/19 oh whom was that? anyway i like white girls primarily. Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 The monk will come to me eventually, I think it had a ch and... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/11/19 CHALMERS razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/11/19 can't be him: i hate asian girls and fuck asian men for mon... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 you both sound miserable, but this stuff is all normal marri... Offensive Parlor   04/10/19 I can make a distinction between crazy controlling behavior ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 that's a byproduct of him being in a neurotic striver profes... Offensive Parlor   04/10/19 Things have gone so badly that I would probably want to go t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Your husband sounds like a typical uptight, overworked assho... arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band   04/10/19 The "other option" is that she continues to whine ... blathering state   04/10/19 He actually just had an opportunity to take some time off (h... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 "However, if I ask him if he is unhappy in our relation... blathering state   04/10/19 Edited Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 I would feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such an asshol... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/10/19 Yeah. I realized this shit early and went to BigState job wi... arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band   04/10/19 He believes he is eminently reasonable. Sometimes he admits ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 "Exit the rat race and live someone cheap!" the la... blathering state   04/10/19 The difference is that I’m getting somewhere while he&... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/10/19 Or change strategy or whatever. But I'll note that a lot of... blathering state   04/11/19 He has changed strategy and I have encouraged him and advise... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 Sounds good. Does he appreciate your advice/support? blathering state   04/11/19 It was clear he was hopelessly plugging away at partnership ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/11/19 I agree. But XO was basically telling both my wife and I to... blathering state   04/15/19 "I would feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such an ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Sad when a 40 year old man doesn’t want to disappoint ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/10/19 His mother would accept him no matter what he did. His fa... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 ... blathering state   04/15/19 nothing anyone has ever said about their lives is worth this... dead church building dysfunction   04/10/19 I laughed at this, ty Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 lol plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 ... sapphire double fault shrine   04/10/19 I haven't given #3 It probably is actually the bathroom t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 can we get a close up picture of your tired face sans makeup... appetizing place of business senate   04/10/19 Just imagine the most withered lips and sagging jowls you've... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Can you please post as objectively as possible those things ... plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 It's all things I am really embarrassed about. One less emba... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Is it all cleanliness related stuff? What about personality? plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 It was all things about sharing a physical space with someon... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 We may be onto something here. Is this the first time he's b... plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 This was a couple of months ago. It was the first time he me... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 For the first time I'm beginning to think his issues are ste... plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 He was angry because he is obsessed with his sleep. He has l... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 But you've always done these things that annoy him? Resentme... plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 Nice try. The point is he decided to rant about things I... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 the kleenex thing isnt a 'normal human thing', it is incredi... Glittery psychic national   04/10/19 Leaving dirty kleenex everywhere is not a normal human thing... plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 stop using passive descriptions as if you have no agency. jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 Can you explain what you mean please Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 "I have been required to go to bed at the same time as ... jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 I just described what happened when for once I didn't come t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Tbf, sleep is a big deal when you have a particularly stress... Insecure laughsome point   04/10/19 He is very obsessed with his sleep in a way that I can't con... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 I can understand that...obviously he has issues with type A ... Insecure laughsome point   04/10/19 Did you edit? Some of this stuff he hadn't really mentioned ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Your appearance almost has nothing to do with his reluctance... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 Leaving dirty kleenex everywhere is disgusting and demonstra... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 Ok, thanks. As mentioned I hate myself for these things. The... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 I have been rather critical of you throughout this thread. T... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 I'm actually a very empathetic person. My husband is not. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Your posting ITT (assuming it is not all flame) demonstrates... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 I agree with Royall Jenkins. You exhibit a clear lack of emp... plum spectacular forum   04/10/19 you are empathetic, but also a bit self centered, if not out... jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 If she were the slightest bit empathetic, why can't she demo... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 you have met women before I assume. They understand the fee... jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 They understand the feelings, but are completely clueless of... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 I have described in this thread that I understand the source... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 He frequently becomes irrationally angry. He yells at or cri... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Hint: his actions are not irrational. You may not agree with... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/10/19 Ouch, but fair. I try not to be self centered. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 she said, perusing her 1700-post thread. jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 I mean with respect to him obviously. This is MY space to... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 "I came back to the bedroom and he started ranting at m... jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 they never loved each other to begin with. they are one of t... Offensive Parlor   04/10/19 seems pretty clear to me based on this thread that they are ... Glittery psychic national   04/10/19 her husband sounds like a dumb, turdskin striver who can't e... Offensive Parlor   04/10/19 I don't know how to explain this to you. I came back from th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 "hey turdskin, I was taking a shit and changing my tamp... jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 Ok. I can see what you are saying. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Also, if he would say vaguely nicely that he is tired and ca... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 you both actually sound really immature for your age as well... Offensive Parlor   04/10/19 I mean I can't argue with that. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 Your observation is exactly what I was getting at in my abov... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 try communicating rather than reacting. jade digit ratio native   04/10/19 I described above how I tried to do this the other day. He t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 You two are so ridiculously far out of alignment at present ... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 I mean, I have described elsewhere itt that he has a long pa... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/10/19 And from what you have described, you, likewise, have a long... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/10/19 How have I demonstrated not giving a shit about him? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 You came off as pretty dismissive of his career/job issues. ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/11/19 He did not really give me an opportunity to do this. He lash... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 The reason this thread keeps on going is that you have been ... plum spectacular forum   04/11/19 The reason it is embarrassing is because I am very self crit... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 But every one of us has identified what you could do better,... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/11/19 otoh i think its WAY more than 50. Infuriating codepig   04/11/19 I think we will hit 2000. I think what the male posters d... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/10/19 Just saw this. Yes, I have been more careful about Kleene... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 the kleenex thing seems fine to me. now speaking of tampons... Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 the fuck, how is that fine? its barely a step over using sme... Glittery psychic national   04/10/19 i'm way more tolerant of filth than most. but yeah i was tr... Floppy ladyboy   04/10/19 Few poasts I read aloud to my black fiancee, but this was on... plum spectacular forum   04/11/19 As a board moderator, at this point, i feel obligated to nuk... sapphire double fault shrine   04/10/19 Literal asshole razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/10/19 The husband is very clearly a serious aspie..Has this issue ... Insecure laughsome point   04/10/19 I told a friend who knows both of us about this. He wasn't s... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 ... Sickened Kitchen Coffee Pot   04/10/19 this relationship is beyond saving. Not bc either one is mo... Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   04/10/19 Shrooms or molly razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/10/19 why not both Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 yeah. my subthread got buried 100 poasts above but OP said h... arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band   04/11/19 Except he will take any measure to make me do whatever 'reas... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 gonna need you to explain how someone can overestimate how m... bipolar amethyst space   04/11/19 I don't want to go into the details but she is self employed... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 just have your mom move in so she can talk some sense to hub... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 She's not allowed :( She could come on a tourist visa for... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 it was kind of a joke--unless you're very wrong or at least ... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 tbf prob like less than 1% of dudes would be ok with their m... bipolar amethyst space   04/11/19 I would 100% ding it. Tbf, I'd ding my own parents doing th... blathering state   04/11/19 My parents come for a couple weeks a couple of times a year.... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 I have been amused to see my LinkedIn metrics/info following... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 I feel that he MUST be cheating on me. Do people care to giv... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 why do you think he must. does his dick smell like STRANGE ... appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 What an odd question Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 not sure what else would give rise to suspicion appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 I can only refer to my previous poasts (see above) Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 perhaps when he sleeps he is transported to a dreamworld fil... appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 I don't even have big tits :( Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 next time it seems appropriate to hit him with a batshit que... appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 Nice, I like it How batshit would you rate the cheating ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 you didn't describe a question above, though. you said you ... appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 More in the context of 'why aren't you interested in having ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 he's just not a sexual person, shit appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 Why is this so obvious to you???? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 it's a meme! appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 Is that a thing for guys? razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/11/19 i'm sure there are generally asexual guys, or guys who do no... appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 EDIT: nevermind. blathering state   04/11/19 The guy who was the biggest cheater on his wife I ever met a... blathering state   04/11/19 "I don't even have big tits :(" maybe ask him i... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 "perhaps when he sleeps he is transported to a dreamwor... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 I don't think he lets her smell his dick any more. razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/11/19 Also, maybe it's even preferable to thinking he just hates m... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 He seems too uptight and stressed out to cheat because I can... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/11/19 earl did say he really relates to this other 100% str8 guy w... Infuriating codepig   04/11/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 ... blathering state   04/11/19 it's mean and i'm sure untrue but too funny not to bump. nofapping stag film   04/11/19 This would surprise me, but it's not impossible I guess. ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 You know who else isn't into sex? People who are depressed. razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/11/19 Man, he's been depressed for a long time then. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 The odds of him cheating are substantially less than the odd... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/11/19 Honestly, if he were cheating on you he would be nicer. He ... blathering state   04/11/19 Lost track of the relevant sub thread so posting here I'm... arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band   04/11/19 I appreciate the point you're trying to make, but I am very ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 Well there's a tangible step that could significantly help. ... arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band   04/11/19 She is super thin, actually. A lot of us have seen her pic.... blathering state   04/11/19 but she sounds uninterested in boob job and one would suspec... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 Ah, well that's odd. arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band   04/11/19 One more reason I don't think he is cheating: he is super ch... blathering state   04/11/19 I can see this argument. He can be quite charming (how I got... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 well as carl spackler tp taught us women are excited by reve... appetizing place of business senate   04/11/19 Yeah, but the cheapness becomes a real issue. So he won't g... blathering state   04/11/19 Sorry to post in the other thread, Nutella. Would everyon... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 Oh I’m posting in that thread too. Tbf I do think m... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/11/19 Burn! Harsh but fair. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 Right, therapists are like a drug. They on one hand stroke ... blathering state   04/11/19 Also, I think I may know why he is acting nicer. He uses my ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 Oh yeah, you just "accidentally" left it in your s... free-loading jewess   04/11/19 This was definitely an accident. I had a friend buy it for m... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/11/19 and yet he ended up knowing despite all your supposed terror... Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 And then her worst fears were realized! She was so SCARED h... blathering state   04/11/19 worse than that: he was nicer. Floppy ladyboy   04/11/19 UGH, can you IMAGINE? blathering state   04/12/19 It could still come back to bite me. I am treating this as a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 lol blathering state   04/11/19 you should accidentally leave this thread open on your compu... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/12/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 Update: this morning I forced myself to give him a hug goodb... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 you know if you were really nice to him for an entire day or... Floppy ladyboy   04/12/19 This is sad Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 jfc lady, warm the fuck up, this is your husband youre talki... Cerebral Mustard Orchestra Pit   04/12/19 I know. I wish it weren't. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 man, you are victimized by both your unfeeling husband and b... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 nothing but hate but she's virtuous and wants to feel the lo... Floppy ladyboy   04/12/19 This is why I feel wary. I realize that the psychobabble ter... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 i dunno. i kind of sort of feel that you should get him out... Floppy ladyboy   04/12/19 He doesn't do this in front of other people. I have a. FR... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 start surreptitiously recording and like send it to earl and... Floppy ladyboy   04/12/19 What could go wrong? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 i wonder if the two of you tried to love one another for a w... Floppy ladyboy   04/12/19 I don't think I can bear to watch it again I just read th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 i felt really bad for dean and frankie and on rare occasion ... Floppy ladyboy   04/12/19 I don't know quite what to make of this. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 nice, very WASP. my wife and i hug constantly like proles appetizing place of business senate   04/12/19 That must be pleasant. People here have told me to be nic... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 yeah it's hard to turn it back when it's been going on for y... appetizing place of business senate   04/12/19 so brave Infuriating codepig   04/12/19 Ty Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/12/19 ... blathering state   04/17/19 ... bearded cyan box office round eye   04/12/19 Keeping things ITT, here is a repoast from the xo poll threa... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 Tonight I asked about his plan for the extension, and paying... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 good on you for refusing to give him cash. seriously do not... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 He doesn't like to engage over messenger. I agree, that woul... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 compartmentalize everything. one issue at a time. treat hi... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 I actually think that was an illogical bullying tactic. It d... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 explain your arrangement. If the house is in his name only ... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 I mean I also put all of my assets into its purchase. It sho... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 you are smarter than this. why do you let him do this? ... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 The initial reason is that I am still subject to US tax and ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 how much did he put into it? did he sell an old place? jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 Yes. He put a lot more into it because he had big profits fr... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 so I bought my place before I got married and paid 100% of t... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 It's like $1.5 mil and fairly central. The kitchen is tru... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 well one problem is that you guys bought a $1.5 million hous... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 The figures keep changing. Let's say 80k USD TBF he got a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 and how did he pay the down payment for the last place? jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 I think his parents helped Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 tell him to be a man and make more money if he wants to spen... jade digit ratio native   04/12/19 Ahhhh! But do you really think it's HIS house? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 sure, sounds like he paid for almost all of it besides your ... insanely creepy patrolman   04/12/19 And also all my contributions to the monthly payment the pas... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 oh i thought you said he paid the whole mortgage. if thats t... insanely creepy patrolman   04/12/19 the scary thing is that accounting wise it could look that w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 He is the worst kind of cheap...someone who spends beyond hi... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/15/19 you are poison and need to be kept away from your daughter. Infuriating codepig   04/12/19 Do you really believe my husband is better Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 well he hasn't turned his innocent child against zher parent... Infuriating codepig   04/12/19 If I have, this has been completely unconscious or it's been... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 no, you evil freak. its been because of your actions. n... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 this is stupid even for you appetizing place of business senate   04/13/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 you seriously dated the box as an adult "man." ... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 your underlying premise is that a 2.5 year old can't recogni... appetizing place of business senate   04/13/19 unfuck your iq and read it in the form of the question i pos... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 are you really that incapable of examining your underlying a... appetizing place of business senate   04/13/19 question doesnt require any assumptions. its a thought exper... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 "seriously"? didn't sound that serious--didn't se... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 but he took her to per se. thats as serious as it gets. Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 well, i'm not saying the life of biglaw misery + occasional ... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 appreciate the spirited defense, but i'm happy to cop to bei... appetizing place of business senate   04/13/19 weird that in this hypo the biglawyer is "miserable&quo... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 even an elevated mind & soul might find him or herself e... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 he might also find himself "embedded" in a "c... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 i've fucked posters, you've fucked posters (maybe i'm wrong ... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 youre also a weird autistic freak. remember when i poste... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 actually i don't but of course i remember your animus, which... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 no, seriously, explain this post. like, you looked at ... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 pointing out that weird dork musicians often get laid like m... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 how about you stop being an autistic dork who thinks i want ... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 Like fml said it was actually your posts in that subtrhead a... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 ? ive already put fml in his cage and im putting you in y... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 it's hard to leave you alone, though. it's like being able ... appetizing place of business senate   04/13/19 http://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=4240790&mc=1&... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 ... hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender   04/13/19 Wow, you spent a lot of time on this, huh? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 no Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 let me put this in the form of a question you can ask any ps... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 She prefers me because she feels safe and loved with me. I w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 ask the question as written to a professional. Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 This question makes no sense in the context. 2 year olds don... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 ? youre the one who said she takes your side. so as... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 No, I said she prefers me Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 not true. but anyway ask as written as a *hypo* (not... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 Are you familiar with the opening lines of Anna Karenina? ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 bitch, dont talk to me about literature. im the one who gave... Infuriating codepig   04/13/19 Did you? Thanks for that. Thanks also for the totally irr... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/14/19 ... hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender   04/13/19 ... hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender   04/13/19 shut the FUCK up. wonderful new version   04/12/19 Ty for another bump Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/12/19 kill yourself. wonderful new version   04/12/19 dat's not nice pumo. Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 ... blathering state   04/15/19 i do think your husband is a narcissist. i think you're b... cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate   04/12/19 this will fall on deaf ears. this bitch is delusional. wonderful new version   04/12/19 daughter first means suck it up and dont divorce insanely creepy patrolman   04/12/19 one might think so, but when the relationship is super toxic... wonderful new version   04/12/19 this is not true cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate   04/12/19 This, especially since she is likely to get into a marriage ... blathering state   04/13/19 Hi again! It appears that 1500 more posts or whatever hav... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 box was bpd and fml "dated" her, so maybe check wi... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 Reading the description of the way a borderline personality ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 what is it that would distinguish you from an anxious depres... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 Idk. I don't know anything about it other than what I have b... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/13/19 you seem like a melancholic anxious depressive to me, at lea... Floppy ladyboy   04/13/19 bump crawly curious lettuce   04/14/19 Well, since you asked. Last night my husband hassled me a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/14/19 Ask him if he is aware of his autism and lack of empathy. jade digit ratio native   04/14/19 I think this would just lead to more unpleasantness. Things ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/14/19 Christ, now he has invited his entire family over for Easter... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 "Christ, now he has invited his entire family over for ... blathering state   04/15/19 pls refer to the subthread above where she has previously ha... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/15/19 absurdly prole. id never insult a host by trying to cl... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 You wouldn't offer to help clear the table or something at a... blathering state   04/15/19 We would not normally ask them for help and if they offered ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 not in a house id never lived in (ie, where the owners are p... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 You wouldn't offer say, siblings, grandparents, etc.? I'd s... blathering state   04/15/19 im white. i dont have familiar relations with family members... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 I must have missed that subthread but will be sure to wade t... blathering state   04/15/19 Yes, he was awful last Easter. I happily made them dinner an... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 The word "suggested" is odd here. Actually talk a... blathering state   04/15/19 My view is that he gets very stuck on certain ideas and then... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Oh and I say "suggested" because I don't really tr... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Seriously, make him help if he is going to be difficult. ... blathering state   04/15/19 You guys sound like you've got a nice relationship. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Ha, her mother was recently complaining to my mother that we... blathering state   04/15/19 holy shit fish eggs from all over Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 Chicken eggs too! Really just eggs from all over! blathering state   04/15/19 #ballin #thatlife Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 Is your caviar sounds delicious. How will you serve it? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 In the following ways: 1) with fresh baked bread and butt... blathering state   04/15/19 What is the BEST way? I have fairly limited caviar experienc... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Depends on who you ask. In addition to what I wrote, some a... blathering state   04/15/19 on the other hand polacks had thousands of years to develop ... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 OTOH, pierogi are really, really tasty! And it isn't &quo... blathering state   04/15/19 indeed. i talked to the the polack nobel peace prize wi... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 Talking to Lech Wałęsa? All you needed was Pope John Paul... blathering state   04/15/19 i didnt mention jp we did have a weird conversation abo... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 this other slav was also trashing vaclav havel at some point... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 So far none of this is surprising. blathering state   04/15/19 "theese is number one fish reproductive output. you kno... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 Caviar on egg involves no carbs, silly American... blathering state   04/15/19 "even make egg have carb because we make any feast we w... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 We Russians do not conform to your silly Western expectation... blathering state   04/15/19 Ty for the analogy. I can see that these are just another ty... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Here's what I would say - if you're totally new to caviar, b... blathering state   04/15/19 I have had a bit of mediocre caviar with blini, chopped egg,... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Nah, mediocre caviar is just bad. Either have good black ca... blathering state   04/15/19 I think what I had was probably ok-ish. It was the cheapest ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Since when do turds celebrate Easter? bateful light locus half-breed   04/15/19 He's mixed race. And the whole family totally embraces local... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 FFS. The au pair is leaving early tomorrow. I told her she d... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 invite him to cook next time. jade digit ratio native   04/15/19 I have come full circle and now believe you two are perfect ... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/15/19 I don't care that much about washing the dishes but he is aw... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 So you're paying $$$ for an au pair and you're running on tw... free-loading jewess   04/15/19 She's leaving forever tomorrow morning Edit: and I made a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Wtf, this person lived in their house for quite some time. ... blathering state   04/15/19 what sort of life insurance does he have? Vigorous vengeful roast beef   04/15/19 lol, jfc blathering state   04/15/19 what i'm saying is might have a solution which is best for e... Vigorous vengeful roast beef   04/15/19 I actually have a serious question for you all. His birthday... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Well, he is cheap so probably doesn't want something expensi... blathering state   04/15/19 He definitely doesn't want me to spend much money. He buys w... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 "But I think he also doesn't want sex from me." ... blathering state   04/15/19 When I have been keen and attempted to initiate he has said ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 Not getting laid on my birthday is the sort of thing that wo... blathering state   04/15/19 I don't know how to explain how much he seems not to give a ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 This is fundamentally perplexing to me. Something is going ... blathering state   04/15/19 https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/02/hes_just_not_that_in... nofapping stag film   04/15/19 While this is SCHOLARSHIP it is also BS. blathering state   04/15/19 I wouldn't read too much into it. Briefly and broadly there ... nofapping stag film   04/15/19 I have read similar things. Just to be clear, despite his... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/16/19 i dont think youre going to be very useful in this investiga... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 Space consist of: 1. LH not understand that he make reque... blathering state   04/15/19 I would add depression and feeling of emotional detachment f... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/15/19 Sentence 1: lolno. My wife and I have been in bitter argume... blathering state   04/15/19 By depression I meant actual chemical imbalance in his brain... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/15/19 I've been depressed for long periods of time in my life due ... blathering state   04/15/19 but were not talking about you for the moment. im not a... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 I not understand why LH's husband not also sex law shrew wif... blathering state   04/15/19 well but thats where were headed. youre just going to ha... Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 What sort of stuff does he buy himself? I’m just cu... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/15/19 No cheese or cauliflower pls. razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/15/19 Noted! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/16/19 He is generally very cheap with himself. He agonizes over ev... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/16/19 At least he is not a hypocrite. I can relate to the inabili... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/17/19 I mean, I also wouldn't normally buy things not on sale. I'm... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/17/19 generic v name brand savings don’t matter a bit in the... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/17/19 True. Too bad there is no easy solution since we are now in ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/17/19 Though not an easy solution, the only way you get more lever... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/17/19 your US money for the kitchen extention PSYCH razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/15/19 I think he believes he is due that anyway Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/15/19 a genetic female who doesnt make his penis sad Infuriating codepig   04/15/19 like Co. Custer use to say: the only good Indian is a dead I... Vigorous vengeful roast beef   04/15/19 If you're going for a Hail Mary, you could write him a nice ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/15/19 This sounds nice. I will do this. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/16/19 Make him something with your daughter, include the words 'we... insanely creepy patrolman   04/15/19 Ty. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/16/19 ... crawly curious lettuce   04/17/19 ... Sickened Kitchen Coffee Pot   04/17/19 30 more to go! We got this. razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/17/19 ... blathering state   04/17/19 The bottom line is that I believe he essentially is a self-o... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/17/19 as someone who has mixed feelings about their own spouse but... histrionic hairy legs   04/17/19 Thanks. I barely understand sports but I think I get the gis... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/17/19 You shouldn't make American football analogies from Australi... plum spectacular forum   04/17/19 I feel that I am learning a lot about sports here. It appear... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/17/19 Wtf, you're from Wisconsin! Even I knew this one. :) blathering state   04/17/19 ... disturbing balding garrison   04/18/19 I think you can throw one before halftime as well Floppy ladyboy   04/18/19 Guy at my high school threw them in the first quarter it&rsq... histrionic hairy legs   04/18/19 I have an idea. Maybe you guys need to introduce a villain o... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 You’re a softy. But the problem perhaps as much or mo... Floppy ladyboy   04/18/19 I agree, and that's why I think there needs to be some kind ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 No this all makes sense and your kindness and understanding ... Floppy ladyboy   04/18/19 Yes, his behavior absolutely has been exacerbated by his own... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 But aren't you doing exactly the same thing? Ultimately, ev... blathering state   04/18/19 He blamed me for external events unrelated to me. I am blami... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 How often do you encourage him and tell him what he's doing ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Probably not enough. I used to frequently show affection ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Every human cares and everyone wants affirmations, whether w... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 It's too bad his response is to treat me like shit and like ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 I get exactly how you feel because I am struggling with simi... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Just saw this. Sorry you're having similar troubles :( It... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Yeah, I know how it feels and how it's impossible not to let... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Please do update us. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 This may come off as a surprise, but a lot of people do this... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/18/19 Notable is that when she talks about her ex-husband he appar... blathering state   04/18/19 I wasn't interested in talking about my marital problems her... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Uh, everyone is "controlling" in marriage. You're... blathering state   04/22/19 Eh I don't think there's such thing as viewing anything havi... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 That's fair, but I'm sure we can think of examples where som... blathering state   04/22/19 agree, seems like there is nothing the dude could do to salv... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 I take this point. Unfortunately, there is so much more b... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 two year olds can be annoying, especially when you're exaspe... Floppy ladyboy   04/18/19 honestly not wanting to cuddle in a particular moment doesnt... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 tcr blathering state   04/18/19 Are you a parent? (Not meant to be aggressive, serious quest... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 So he was tired and sleepy, she woke him up, and he was like... blathering state   04/18/19 No, he was completely awake. He just withheld affection beca... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Ok, so he was tired, cranky and annoyed. So what? Jfc. blathering state   04/18/19 JFC. You and Mandy don’t have kids and you’ve... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/18/19 Right, but I've seen a lot of people have kids. blathering state   04/18/19 not going to go into my personal details, but i think plenty... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 You know what is a big deal? Divorce. blathering state   04/18/19 How would you feel being married to someone who constantly t... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 About like someone who constantly nags over stupid trivial B... blathering state   04/18/19 1. I don't nag constantly. He does though. 2. I am not th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 1. This thread proves otherwise. 2. What? You absolutely... blathering state   04/18/19 I didn't make up the idea that he is abusive. Other people o... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Did you miss the part where he insisted on buying a $1.5m ho... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/18/19 People generally strive for their own goals. I'm not really... blathering state   04/18/19 I mean, I think his job disappointment or the shitty au pair... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Those are mundane events. I think the suggestion was someth... blathering state   04/18/19 He reacted to both of these things pretty drastically. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 This too. I was thinking more along the lines of a catastrop... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Yep. One of the most damning thing ITT is the extent to whi... blathering state   04/18/19 I was clear that the examples you mention are just minor irr... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Wtf, I don't know anyone that doesn't do that when woken up ... blathering state   04/18/19 He was awake anyway. He was fully awake and she went in for ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 I'm pretty sure I've said exactly that when my wife woke me ... blathering state   04/18/19 He woke naturally. He was just angry with her Children th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 its a huge stretch from 'tired dude doesnt want to cuddle fi... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 He didn't say "I don't want to cuddle right now." ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 jfc. Bros on XO, can you imagine being married to someone t... blathering state   04/18/19 dude, this is not a big deal or a huge difference. youre blo... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 Seriously, just like the escalator incident was not a big de... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 ... blathering state   04/18/19 Then why did he YELL AT ME PUBLICLY AND NOT BACK DOWN? I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 It's how he reacted in a stressful (to him) situation. It ha... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 It is his way of dealing with stress and it's not ok. He als... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Maybe he doesn't apologize because you frame the situation a... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 I don't attack him. I defend myself. So in that situation I ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 And when I brought it up later that's how I framed it. I did... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 So each of you is trying to prove to each other why your act... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Ok, but what you seem to miss is that he is almost always th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 No, I don't miss that at all. What you seem to miss is ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 I do note the different viewpoints. This is why I am questio... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 No normal loving parent would ever in a million years say th... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/18/19 To be fair to him, he sometimes does pay attention to her an... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 He may be capable of change but more likely he’s just ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/18/19 Which is it? Did she disturb his sleep or not? "C... blathering state   04/18/19 She disturbed his sleep in the night He held a grudge abo... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 I know you think this is crazy, but again, this lacks perspe... blathering state   04/18/19 I really do think this is a thing only parents will get. You... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 I'm an uncle. Definitely have done it. Pretty much all the... blathering state   04/18/19 Lol at saying no lasting damage from such behavior from pare... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/18/19 Oh they're assholes in much more tangible ways and even that... blathering state   04/18/19 I am fully aware he will fuck me over any way he can. He bel... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 TMF is aspie. The issue is not that your husband is not bei... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 I never said he wasn't being a dick. I'm saying she overrea... blathering state   04/18/19 Why should he have to fight for 50/50 custody and why would ... disturbing balding garrison   04/18/19 Otoh, raising her daughter in a home with resentful or abusi... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Yeah, maybe. I'm generally against this but this situation ... blathering state   04/18/19 i pretty much disagree with this, if the parents are resentf... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 To clarify, I wasn't referring to this particular situation ... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Actually, I was thinking just putting the house up for sale ... blathering state   04/18/19 I don't like to admit this, but I think I agree with you. razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 Also, it will shatter the idea that I suspect LH has that sh... blathering state   04/18/19 Are you insane? He is very mean and vindictive. I of course ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 You took the au pair's side, though, making him feel like yo... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 I took his side. I said he was obviously really upset and I... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 How much effort to you spend trying to communicate this to h... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 I have tried to communicate this many times over the years. ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 tell him that he is not getting your USD and to stop asking ... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 Honestly, her holding onto her USD + insistence of retaining... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/18/19 And he is being a shithead for insisting on separate finance... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 Don't disagree with any of this. In fact, it is the exact co... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/18/19 When I told him that my USD was for this, he angrily said th... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 bitching about your job once a week is no big deal. It's a ... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 It's not just a little complaint. He forced me to engage wit... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 "It's not just a little complaint. He forced me to enga... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/18/19 He does this at least once a week. I don't want to be forced... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 I might add that this is the approach he takes about everyth... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 Tell him that he is a fucking 40 year old man and should not... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 I feel he would get really nasty if I did this, but I can tr... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 try to stand up for yourself without getting angry. jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 Fine. I can pretty much guarantee that if I say things like ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 stop being a pussy pushover about it. Commit to 1) callin... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 Ok What about the fact that (as you say elsewhere ITT) he... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 you had a moral obligation not to have a daughter with someo... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 Honestly, I think it's gotten a lot worse since I got pregna... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 if you try to cut the pity party out of you mind it will pro... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 This can't be real. If you are not flame, you are easily ... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/18/19 can you believe this fucking psycho sincerely thought she wa... Infuriating codepig   04/19/19 That's why I am assuming this flame. Contagious mauve casino mood   04/19/19 Virtually everyone on here thinks he is a dick. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/19/19 She values being right and playing the role of the victim ov... Contagious mauve casino mood   04/18/19 You clearly have ignored everything I have said in this thre... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 you are just as responsible for the power dynamics in your r... jade digit ratio native   04/18/19 You and others should really stfu and quit poasting ITT. Tal... wonderful new version   04/18/19 this is are group chat. you should just unsubscribe. razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/18/19 except it's distracting and I have to see it on the front pa... wonderful new version   04/18/19 ... blathering state   04/18/19 stfu bro. why are YOU invested in this shitthread? doesn't s... wonderful new version   04/18/19 I'm invested for 3 reasons: 1. I've known LHtp since befo... blathering state   04/18/19 ... plum spectacular forum   04/19/19 Hey man, thanks for another bump Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/18/19 hurr durr....good one. it was worth it to me to speak my min... wonderful new version   04/18/19 We're now at over 2k posts. Whatever bullshit you post will... blathering state   04/18/19 "success" is one way of putting it. wonderful new version   04/18/19 But hey, I have an actual important question for you....is j... wonderful new version   04/18/19 Google the pic. Does that seem remotely edible to you? blathering state   04/18/19 I saw the pic, I can't taste things with my eyes. I eat plen... wonderful new version   04/18/19 It looks like a Russian/Ukrainian dish called holodets which... blathering state   04/18/19 vice did a video on a store that sells these in london. id g... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 same. no clue whether it's any good, but id have to find out... wonderful new version   04/18/19 I didn't actually think this was a real thing (in sandwich f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/19/19 your job, which is essentially your financial contribution t... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/18/19 ... blathering state   04/18/19 Rate me as a poster. supple swollen dragon   04/18/19 Who are you? Your moniker is awesome, fwiw. blathering state   04/18/19 Whok razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/18/19 178 http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=4241906&a... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 Down to 177 disturbing balding garrison   04/18/19 LOL dashing sepia feces church   04/21/19 Do you think it is fair for one partner in a marriage to bel... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/19/19 I honestly can't believe I read the whole thread. But I sta... Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   04/18/19 ... blathering state   04/18/19 would have been cool if they figured this out before they ha... insanely creepy patrolman   04/18/19 that spilled milk has sailed brother. I honestly don't kn... Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster   04/18/19 Thanks for your assessment. Regarding your criticisms, al... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/19/19 your husband is black and you're a white woman? free-loading jewess   04/19/19 I don't see the relevance, but no. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/19/19 Of course its relevant. Why do you think I refer to my black... plum spectacular forum   04/19/19 ... free-loading jewess   04/19/19 ... plum spectacular forum   04/19/19 I thought maybe it was virtue signaling? Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/19/19 Isn't that the beauty in it? There are so many interpretatio... plum spectacular forum   04/19/19 lol birdbrain free-loading jewess   04/19/19 no you're not white or no your husband is not black or bi-ra... free-loading jewess   04/19/19 Update: tonight I made him a steak dinner. He suggested agai... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/20/19 Response: no fucking way, I'm not happy with the way things ... blathering state   04/20/19 I just sort of asked vague surprised questions about his des... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/20/19 It’s his birthday and you like to cook. You should do... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 I did. But it was late and this meant that we would not spen... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 you should've asked him if he could spare five minutes for a... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 ... insanely creepy patrolman   04/21/19 ... blathering state   04/21/19 Lol at grumbling about the dishes on his fucking birthday insanely creepy patrolman   04/21/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 I said in my poast it'ss fine and I said nothing to him. But... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 its really, extremely not you psychotic piece of garbage Infuriating codepig   04/23/19 Tell him calmly, no other kids, no kitchen renovations. Not... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/20/19 Re 4 days, I would actually love to spend more time with my ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/20/19 4 days + extension = marriage saved ur gonna maek it after a... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 The extension is a disaster waiting to happen, just say no ... insanely creepy patrolman   04/21/19 2 days in-house 7 figs and they can do that extension no pro... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 Cr nutella must need a London counsel, help a girl out insanely creepy patrolman   04/21/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 Under no circumstances go off birth control mind-boggling principal's office   04/20/19 ... blathering state   04/20/19 I still can't believe you think a forum full of aspie lawyer... wonderful new version   04/20/19 You didn’t hit him with the “I think it’s ... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 No. I was a bit amazed by the suggestion because he seems to... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 Yeah, but things aren't working. blathering state   04/21/19 Easter. I got up at 7:30 with the baby and immediately start... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 none of that sounds all that bad unless he truly didn't want... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 It doesn't sound that bad to just expect me to make the enti... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 his mom should've helped. it's his birthday weekend and he ... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 The date of Easter changes every year. Can be March 22 to Ap... tripping anal pervert rehab   04/21/19 good point. i haven't been an observant christian for more ... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 You truly don't think there is anything dickish about inviti... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 You pretend like you’re an abused woman and buy into y... wonderful new version   04/21/19 Easter is over. This doesn't actually respond to the ques... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 I didn’t read the question (or anything) you’ve ... wonderful new version   04/21/19 I have put him and his family first all weekend. Why do you ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 I don’t necessarily think you did anything wrong today... wonderful new version   04/21/19 Ok, thanks I am an excellent cook and very self critical.... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 are you ugly? disturbing balding garrison   04/22/19 Yes Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 She isn't. blathering state   04/22/19 FUCK Lonely Hunter. That is all. Mischievous frozen stain philosopher-king   04/21/19 (not her husband) (apparently) (although he'd have to do tha... Floppy ladyboy   04/21/19 ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/21/19 ... blathering state   04/22/19 just skimmed this thread. pretty crazy that a woman that doe... ultramarine submissive parlour   04/21/19 I am able to poast during my commute and I have been very de... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 ... Diverse Ruby University Idea He Suggested   04/27/19 reading this thread, you just seem resentful of the traditio... Racy laser beams   04/21/19 My job isn't a cushy mommy job. It's a serious career that i... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 You should just text his this poast and hit him with a &ldqu... Floppy ladyboy   04/22/19 Perhaps he doesn't act like a traditional man because you do... Charismatic home   04/22/19 I think this is a little backward. Everyone seems to assume ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 what i'm suggesting is that perhaps you're projecting a bit.... Charismatic home   04/22/19 I don't think you understand. He insists I work. I could bri... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 Agreed that this is a horrible idea. One of the most bizarr... blathering state   04/22/19 I’m in the camp of you getting a higher paying job. I... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/22/19 ... blathering state   04/22/19 I told her to look around 1800 or so posts back. Floppy ladyboy   04/22/19 I bet you have not done your homework and communicated a sin... jade digit ratio native   04/22/19 I have. He was surprisingly responsive on this occasion. I f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 So if he blows you off - you sulk and act confused and post ... blathering state   04/22/19 TBF I posted here because I am at the very end of my rope af... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 this is a theme throughout the thread, you have no idea what... Charismatic home   04/22/19 I think the thought process generally is: what can benefit m... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 He worked yesterday to buy all that yummy food and to buy al... Floppy ladyboy   04/22/19 I know, poor put-upon big strong breadwinner :( Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 he was literally slaving away over the weekend to buy you st... Floppy ladyboy   04/23/19 is making dinner and entertaining guests a chore for you? be... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/24/19 she likes cooking to show off to herself. her husband and h... Floppy ladyboy   04/25/19 I do enjoy it, but it's a lot of work and can be exhausting.... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/25/19 So to be crystal clear: I think that he believes he deserves... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 i believe you that he's obsessed with money, but he also sou... Charismatic home   04/22/19 I alluded to this earlier with him following reading all you... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/22/19 Serious q - why do you think he wants her to quit her job? blathering state   04/22/19 Update: he has instructed me to send the financial spreadshe... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/25/19 Response: "no, I will not. Here's why" blathering state   04/25/19 I thought battered wife syndrome or whatever was when the wo... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/25/19 Maybe it doesn't come through here how broken I am or how mu... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/25/19 Under no circumstances can he wear you down on this issue. ... exhilarant stead useless brakes   04/25/19 *Also beyond just saying no, reiterate the reasoning behind ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/25/19 stop acting like a child. he does not instruct you to do an... jade digit ratio native   04/25/19 This is more a description of his attitude I guess. He behav... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/26/19 what if you demand that he add you to the house title if you... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   04/26/19 "If that doesn't work, he plays sneaky tricks to force ... blathering state   04/26/19 No, as an example I think he intended to wait until we had a... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/27/19 ... Diverse Ruby University Idea He Suggested   04/27/19 Why does he have a private bank account? Why does he insist ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/30/19 Really need lonely hunter to rate herself as a farter becaus... odious orange hell   04/26/19 You need to do what he wants. I don’t know what your... Lilac Seedy Station Indirect Expression   04/26/19 I took this job with his full knowledge and agreement. Yo... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   04/27/19 put a range of realistic options on the table and try to agr... Floppy ladyboy   04/27/19 ... Diverse Ruby University Idea He Suggested   04/27/19 He agreed but obviously he likely didn’t expect you to... exhilarant stead useless brakes   05/01/19 ... blathering state   05/02/19 ru tryin lure her back here? Floppy ladyboy   05/02/19 I want to hit 3000 blathering state   05/05/19 I have not been able to face thinking about this. We now hav... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/08/19 "Now he has been behaving just nicely enough that I am ... Floppy ladyboy   05/08/19 Is this sarcasm? I know the consensus here is that he is not... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/08/19 i've been consistent in saying that the guy sounds like kind... Floppy ladyboy   05/08/19 I guess a separate issue I have not wanted to face is that I... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/08/19 Can't believe you're so fucking stupid that you're asking a ... wonderful new version   05/08/19 Oh, it's absolutely retarded to post here for advice. TBF... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/08/19 let's see your scholarly deconstruction of clique theory fag... Floppy ladyboy   05/08/19 if you're doing well at a competitive government law job, th... Floppy ladyboy   05/08/19 Being “bad” at law is not actually an issue, jus... exhilarant stead useless brakes   05/10/19 I would actually love to do this except I don't trust my hus... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/11/19 Cr. She's being insane indigo keepsake machete weed whacker   06/21/20 My husband has an odd mark like a rugburn on his chest. I as... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/09/19 Uh oh good mood EXPLAINED. Is the new au pair hot? Has she... Floppy ladyboy   05/09/19 I realize this is a joke, but it's definitely not the au pai... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/09/19 Rugburn on chest? Wtf, is he a bottom or something? blathering state   05/09/19 Idk it's maybe not like a rugburn exactly. It looks like if ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/09/19 he's definitely a bottom Vigorous vengeful roast beef   05/09/19 So his boyfriend bent him over a table and some hard object ... blathering state   05/10/19 The whole lack of interest in sex thing would make a lot mor... exhilarant stead useless brakes   05/10/19 You know, I'm not sure it does. Maybe if she were 300 lbs o... blathering state   05/10/19 rugburns on the chest... he is definitely getting his boihol... Vigorous vengeful roast beef   05/10/19 ... Floppy ladyboy   05/10/19 ... blathering state   05/10/19 Tonight I said that I disagree with some aspects of his home... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/11/19 he's paying for it with his money right? Floppy ladyboy   05/11/19 He plans to use all my local money too. Edit: also, even ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/12/19 ic. Floppy ladyboy   05/12/19 How did you react to the injunction comment? Did you point o... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   05/14/19 (dd going in for the potential lowkey pwn again) Floppy ladyboy   05/14/19 We had already gone over that ground by that time. It was a ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   05/15/19 ... canary den   06/11/19 A bump! Looking for an update? The situation is largely the ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   07/02/19 ... wonderful new version   07/02/19 I hope the very last point made you very sad, and you are ac... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   07/02/19 It makes me a little sad, but I think it's probably better f... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   07/02/19 https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-fall-back-in-love-148216... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   07/02/19 Ty, will read. Don't you think his attitude toward me is ... Marvelous regret meetinghouse   07/02/19 He is definitely an asshole, there is no question about that... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   07/02/19 Story blocked! Marvelous regret meetinghouse   07/02/19 Good news: You can rekindle love. Researchers call it &ld... razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter   07/02/19 Well, this is a very nice article. Marvelous regret meetinghouse   07/02/19 ridiculous thread crawly curious lettuce   09/05/19 ... Low-t aqua really tough guy   12/31/19 Decided I’m going to finally read this thread today. khaki deer antler step-uncle's house   06/21/20 ... bull headed irradiated bawdyhouse prole   09/02/20 ... razzle garnet theatre gaming laptop   04/09/21 ... Electric menage kitty   07/02/21 ... Narrow-minded address death wish   12/24/22 Poast new message in this thread Date: March 29th, 2019 5:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It appears I check in here whenever I hate my life. Hai! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011812) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:48 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062116) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:48 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062119) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:48 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062122) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:52 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062135) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:52 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062137) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:52 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062140) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:52 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062141) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:52 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062143) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:53 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062144) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:53 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062145) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:53 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062146) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:53 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062147) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:53 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062148) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:54 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062149) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:54 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062153) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:54 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062154) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:54 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062156) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:54 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062157) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:55 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062158) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:55 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062159) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:55 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062162) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:55 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062164) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:56 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062165) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:38 AM Author: bearded cyan box office round eye 2 cans of trader joe’s turkey chili (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077413) Date: May 5th, 2019 8:30 PM Author: crawly curious lettuce (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38191880) Date: February 6th, 2021 11:38 AM Author: geriatric legend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#41896452) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:52 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062134) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:09 PM Author: Soul-stirring nursing home coldplay fan 󠀠󠀠󠀠 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38063518) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:04 PM Author: Slate fear-inspiring famous landscape painting SURRENDER TO SOVIET FORCES. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080936) Date: January 1st, 2020 2:57 PM Author: Low-t aqua really tough guy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#39360139) Date: March 29th, 2020 2:23 PM Author: poppy 180 hissy fit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#39892422) Date: July 21st, 2020 8:06 AM Author: Costumed Hall (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#40638371) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:28 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate hey (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011817) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:29 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hi! I'm not up on monikers. Who are you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011823) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:30 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate i don't know. i was just trying to be friendly, jeez (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011830) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh, sorry. Hai! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011844) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:33 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate jesus christ life blows (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011850) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:34 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse ??? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011853) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:39 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate isn't this a hate life thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011887) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes. Why do you hate your life? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011896) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:59 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate biglaw and stuff. i guess my life is fine (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012003) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:14 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It can be survived. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012076) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:05 PM Author: Well-lubricated Ocher Corner Hi! Which one are you, Beckett or Ionesco? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054585) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Wait! I think I know you based purely on poasting style,and on one poast from another thread. Hai! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012088) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:21 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate oh ffs. sorry married life isn't working out so great (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012112) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Sorry, you're really distinctive. I have terrible judgment so I suppose it shouldn't be a surprise. How are you? Other than biglawpwned. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012119) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:27 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate i don't know what i'm doing with my life (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012132) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What do you think you are doing with it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012146) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:33 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate i think my midlife crisis is starting (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012175) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse How is it manifesting itself? Do you think everyone has one? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012216) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:42 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate it's a pretty boring midlife crisis. no motorcycle or sports cars or anything like that, just a lot of anxiety about the future! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012245) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Is that even a midlife crisis at all? Sorry you're anxious though (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012267) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:54 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate i can't even midlife crisis right :( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012315) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What kinds of things are you anxious about? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012309) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:54 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate should i move to another city? should i have a kid!? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012322) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Those sound like pretty good things to be stressed about. And there is no clear answer, so you can really get a lot of mileage out of obsessing over each of these things! Children are magical, etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012373) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:41 PM Author: trip base that's spaceporn's newest moniker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012869) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:58 PM Author: fighting vibrant crackhouse In this subthread it sounds like JCM talking to herself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019742) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:31 PM Author: Coiffed Passionate Lodge previous monikers? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011834) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:33 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I would say Lonely Hunter is my best known persona (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011849) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:35 PM Author: Coiffed Passionate Lodge never heard of you, sorry (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011856) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That's ok. I have been away for many years. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011858) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:57 PM Author: Boyish Unhinged Locale JFC this is very sad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011995) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse ??? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012074) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:01 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter When did you find XO? Less than 5 years ago? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012017) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:25 PM Author: Coiffed Passionate Lodge 2014 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019584) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:11 AM Author: red dingle berry sneaky criminal I remember you. Promise your life is going better than mine right now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018655) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:02 PM Author: blathering state Holy shit, 180. I love it when old-time XO posters check in so you can see how their lives evolved. This one went pretty predictably. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020077) Date: March 31st, 2019 7:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Sigh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021528) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:48 PM Author: deep institution I'll bite. Why do you hate your life? U married? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011948) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011987) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And my husband is an abusive fuckstick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011994) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:57 PM Author: Boyish Unhinged Locale Oh nvm hey doobs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011996) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Believe it or not, no! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012048) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:34 PM Author: adventurous hairless public bath (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012180) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:20 PM Author: bronze irate library water buffalo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012772) Date: March 29th, 2019 9:13 PM Author: twinkling background story wrinkle (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38013028) Date: March 29th, 2019 10:49 PM Author: fragrant ticket booth headpube (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38013424) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:11 PM Author: judgmental messiness preventive strike (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019800) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:59 PM Author: internet-worthy aphrodisiac pit doctorate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020830) Date: March 29th, 2019 5:57 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie DESCRIBE the abuse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38011998) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Constant, endless criticism. Complete lack of empathy. Reminds me daily that I make less money and that he therefore should have greater say over all decisions. Publicly humiliates or otherwise punishes me if he thinks I am going to spend more (of my own money) than he thinks is reasonable. Requires me to go to bed at the same time as him. Withholds affection. Demands that I compensate him if I spend more joint cash than he considers acceptable (for example, getting a medical test for our child). Ignores what I want and bullies me until I agree to whatever he wants, which is usually a cost-saving measure of some kind. Pretends he has forgotten things we agreed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012065) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:50 PM Author: deep institution How does he require you to go to bed at the same time as him? What happens if you don't? A lot of this sounds like you just need to stand your ground with him. You sound severely depressed and ineffectual. My wife had a similar spell with me, and, given that I'm a highly autistic XO poaster, I was mostly oblivious to the extent of her misery. Once she made it known how unhappy she was and the specific things she needed to see and hear from me, things improved pretty quickly. She also put an emphasis on doing little "acts of kindness" for one another and that really helped us grow close again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012294) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh sorry, I didn't see this before. He previously told me that he ignored my feelings because I didn't express them in the right way (too naggy/angry), so then I tried doing it in a calm way. This did not work. I have been extremely clear and I have spent a very large amount of time articulating what he does that is hurtful and suggesting ways to stop being hurtful. He always has an explanation of why actually his behaviour is ok. It has occurred to me that he is perhaps aspire but he doesn't seem that interested in my feelings or happiness, other than playing occasional lip service to it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012605) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:03 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And if I don't go to bed at the same time he is angry and mean. A couple of months ago he angrily demanded to know what I had been doing in the bathroom for so long. He didn't like my answer and kept ranting at me for a long time about how shit I am, with specific examples. He explained that he did this because I should understand how difficult I am to live with and therefore how much forbearance he normally demonstrates. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012685) Date: March 30th, 2019 7:07 AM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie he sounds alpha I think you need a soyboi (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014312) Date: March 30th, 2019 7:15 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse If this is alpha, maybe so. Maybe so. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014319) Date: March 30th, 2019 7:16 AM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie I was kidding. he sounds like an insecure control freak (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014320) Date: March 30th, 2019 7:19 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yeah, sounds right. I think he wants to push his wife around to feel alpha. wanker. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014323) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:15 PM Author: buff kitty cat cuckoldry Can I lick your pussy and/or his asspussy? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020901) Date: April 1st, 2019 11:20 PM Author: chrome queen of the night oh the abuse! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028285) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:25 PM Author: stimulating heaven shitlib "withholding affection" is abuse? is withholding sex abuse as well? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030811) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:47 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Idk man I'm not the one who came up with the idea that this situation is abuse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030905) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:38 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's odd because I am not sure it sounds that bad when the individual behaviours are listed. But it is making me hate my life and I am kind of having a breakdown or something. I can't even focus on my job, which I love. I have just stopped doing much of anything over the past few weeks. I keep crying in the bathroom at work. People who don't know I have been crying in the bathroom keep asking if I am ok. I am very, very depressed. My husband knows all of this and why I feel this way but I don't think he cares. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012207) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:40 PM Author: deep institution So, you've clearly communicated this to him? You have kids, so I'd recommend counseling ASAP. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012223) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:43 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We did counseling for a while but he became more insanely cruel and controlling. We had an au pair who he hated and he decided she should be responsible for all cooking and shopping and meal planning. During this period he was extremely angry if he found out I went to the grocery store. He would tell me that I know I don't have time for that. He says he would be willing to go to counseling again but there is no time when he is available to do this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012256) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:46 PM Author: self-centered violet cuck get a divorce. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012276) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:47 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have some very complicated problems which means I can't really leave easily for at least 6 months (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012281) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:41 PM Author: vivacious pale friendly grandma Can't pass a drug test? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021775) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:42 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021780) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:53 PM Author: vivacious pale friendly grandma (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021835) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:58 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty for your kind thoughts. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021861) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:11 PM Author: vivacious pale friendly grandma I look forward to the day I can be the OP of this thread. Get out of that marriage while/ if you can and don't look back. That's the advice I've gotten here for years. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025782) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:42 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Why don't you do it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026015) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:12 PM Author: nofapping stag film his state is especially savage against men in family law proceedings. he needs six months to establish texas residency for divorce purposes. that, and motivation to get off his ass. i now ship lonely muscadine wine hunter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026204) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:39 AM Author: vivacious pale friendly grandma Why didn't I do it? 100% fear of losing custody of my children. I could care less about losing the money, losing my house would hurt but would be worth it, losing my dog would hurt but would be worth it. I'll miss my boat, but I have friends with boats. My relationship is so toxic that I can't put much value on the companionship at all (it has been at least a week since I've even slept in the same bed together). Considering I pay quarterly taxes more often than I have sex, I will not miss that at all, and what little sex I have is depressingly bad. I would give it all up to be rid of that sadistic, angry, selfish person. However, I live in mortal peril of losing my children. She's still a woman, and she can put on a face when she wants to. She would be a fearsome adversary in family court. My fear of losing custody is two fold: first, my children are my best friends and my world; if I only saw them every other weekend, I could see becoming depressed to the point where my life would completely fall apart. Second, that woman I married is so selfish and incompetent with children, she would make my children's life a living hell if she had custody. She cannot - cannot - be granted custody of those kids. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029719) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Wow, that's brutal (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030965) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:23 PM Author: vivacious pale friendly grandma Yea, so there's nothing to do except just keep doing my best and keeping a stupid hope alive that things will change somehow. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031093) Date: April 17th, 2019 4:52 PM Author: crawly curious lettuce This seems correct (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38102550) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:52 PM Author: deep institution Ok. He sounds like a psychotic dick. Was he always this way? Divorce sounds reasonable given your situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012310) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:54 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think he was but he hid it to a certain extent and I didn't want to believe it for a long time. It's gotten worse since I became pregnant three years ago. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012319) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:02 PM Author: deep institution I'm sorry. Take care of yourself for your kid(s)' sake. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012387) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:04 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty. Is this nutella? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012399) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:06 PM Author: deep institution no (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012411) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse BPM? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012442) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Clearly not! Sorry. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012610) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:44 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy that's the sort of a moniker a dude poster would use. bpm's kind of a dudetee, but not a lawyer, so would be an unlikely fit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012878) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I know, it was very thoughtless of me. I am out of practice here. I was clutching at straws a bit because the poster didn't seem wholly misogynistic and therefore seemed more likely to be female. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012895) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:53 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy mailbox and fml seem like possibilities, but i haven't been here much for the past few years and can't be sure myself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012921) Date: March 29th, 2019 9:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I always sniff out fml. I don't think it's mailbox. But these were good guesses. Hmmmmm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012964) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:27 AM Author: blathering state "the poster didn't seem wholly misogynistic and therefore seemed more likely to be female" Typical feminist. "I want to have a fulfilling but low paying public sector job and play with my kid while my husband works a hard, high hours job that he hates (which makes him MEAN!), hire childcare but fuck men, they're misogynistic assholes! But maybe I'll divorce him and take half the money that I didn't really contribute much to. Hold on, let me calculate if that financially makes sense..." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034350) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:46 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It was a judgement based on the typical male xo poster. I don't assume that about random men I meet in the world, but this is a bit of an, um, self-selected group (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034432) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:49 AM Author: blathering state lol, XOers are actually better than average because we're a bunch of UMC lawyers. If you talk to average Joe types this shit will seem tame and there won't be any humor involved. We're just more honest than whoever you meet in your office or is a friend of a friend. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034443) Date: April 3rd, 2019 11:11 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse So the site isn't full of sexist trolls? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034549) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:44 PM Author: blathering state Both male and female. And it is still better than IRL. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034993) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:20 AM Author: French multi-billionaire No xo posters are much more misogynistic than the average man, largely because a lot of you are bitter at not doing very well with women. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038932) Date: April 5th, 2019 10:23 AM Author: blathering state Arguing with you on this topic is truly pointless, but I'll note that your posting is usually insanely bitter these days. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044798) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:18 AM Author: French multi-billionaire She doesnt work a low paying or public sector job you moron. EDIT: MY bad. Apparently she changed jobs since I last knew her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038930) Date: April 5th, 2019 10:21 AM Author: blathering state You, fucking up again? In other news, it is a day of the week ending in 'y'. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044781) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:02 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter How is he in bed and how often do you have sex? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012020) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We have sex about twice a year when I throw myself at him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012071) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:35 PM Author: turquoise legal warrant how fat are you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012186) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:37 PM Author: deep institution TITCQ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012199) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:38 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I weigh like 101 pounds. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012211) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:42 PM Author: disturbing balding garrison Ungh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022634) Date: April 1st, 2019 9:15 PM Author: blathering state Prestigious. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38027532) Date: March 29th, 2019 6:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am old. Xo would probably attribute it to that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012311) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:18 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter Conspicuous lack of discussion of his penis/cock size. Seems like you should divorcepwn him though (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020525) Date: March 30th, 2019 9:55 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Hey shit, you okay? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017447) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:08 PM Author: pearl flirting marketing idea worthless without pics (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012428) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:15 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Who do you want pics of? I'm old. He's pretty attractive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012449) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:21 PM Author: pearl flirting marketing idea both of you. full bodies at an absolute minimum. preferably front and back. face without makeup. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012468) Date: March 29th, 2019 7:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Face without makeup? No one wants to see that. Despite the fact that I regularly go out like that, ahhhhh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012473) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:22 PM Author: pearl flirting marketing idea I'm trying to help and engage with you fairly and openly. If you are only interested in the run around, I'll pass. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012787) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I appreciate your concern. Ty. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012800) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:06 PM Author: wonderful new version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_ezLVkoU2k (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012710) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:14 PM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster wtf, sorry to hear man. I hope things work out for the better, especially for your kid (kids?) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012745) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hai! Thanks! Just one kid. He's kind of a dick to her, too, which is also worrying.(not in the same way - just benevolently neglectful or a bit too snappish) How are you?? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012765) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:33 PM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster Yeah it sounds overall like a bad relationship. If it doesn't improve, though, you need to cut your losses. Life is too short to be "very very depressed" all the time. doing well, in the same job I had before and living in DC now (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012841) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:36 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Glad to hear it! I probably would have left already but I have separate things keeping me in the relationship for the time being, sort of like a prison. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012851) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:38 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, I am terrified of leaving as I am pretty sure he will go mental and be very vindictive. He has a far greater interest and ability than I do in punishing those who have crossed him, and he thinks he has a moral right to all our shared assets. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012861) Date: March 29th, 2019 9:09 PM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster I know above you said individually this doesn't sound bad, but when you type it all out it looks incredibly toxic. Easy to say from my perspective but regardless I'm sorry for this and hope you find happiness soon :( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38013002) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:18 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Are you sure the problem is him? Seemed like you were hitched to a good dood back in the day and then hypergamously decided to chase law review chads (and earl). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012763) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:23 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My other dood actually had many of the same characteristics. He was very critical and controlling and had trouble managing his anger. My mom actually has compared the two. I don't doubt that I can be difficult/am not perfect, but I don't think it warrants the way my husband treats me. And actually, I think I was more of a dick in the past. I have been very respectful of my husband's desires but he is not satisfied unless he gets his way about everything. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012795) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:25 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Assuming they’re bad in the same ways, why did you pick the same kind of wrong guy twice? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012804) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I assume I have a personality defect /basic insecurity (probably originating in being abused as a child) that causes me to be drawn to people who are bossy and controlling and like to make decisions so I don't have to. In both cases, they also came on strong and I interpreted this as meaning they weren't going to jerk me around. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012813) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:29 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Important to look for laidback and nice (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012820) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:31 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think I need a lot of counseling to help me with this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012834) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:40 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy sounds like you need marital counseling. divorce is sometimes the best bad option, but it's a shitty thing to have to do at your age, with a kid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012864) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:47 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We actually saw a marriage counselor before and I have been seeing her for individual sessions. She has said that it's obviously not salvageable. She also seemed to keep pushing the idea that we both have valid viewpoints. I cried in despair during one such discussion and she ended up saying she thinks he is abusive and that she found him very unpleasant and vaguely menacing in our sessions. Even still, I have pushed for additional counseling and he has agreed but he can't seem to find a time in his schedule. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012889) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:52 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy then you should divorce him. anyway very sorry; sounds like a shit situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012913) Date: March 29th, 2019 8:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38012919) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:45 PM Author: vivacious pale friendly grandma It took me to this post to be sure that we weren't married (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021790) Date: March 29th, 2019 11:10 PM Author: Glittery psychic national lol didnt you cheat on your ex husband at law school and ruin your marriage? ljl (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38013526) Date: March 29th, 2019 11:12 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy she covers that ground in the subthread above. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38013533) Date: March 30th, 2019 3:32 AM Author: Provocative crimson resort mexican Is OP lonely hunter? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014179) Date: March 30th, 2019 4:17 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy that's what she said dude. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014218) Date: March 30th, 2019 7:42 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Hey girl! Long time no see! I miss our days painting NYC red. I am the only one of our old guard (Nutella, Rina, you, me, BPM) who isn't married with child. Well, actually maybe BEL and Rowan aren't eithe. I'm sorry your husband sucks. Do you want me to get my BF to fuck him up for you? Seriously if you feel like talking, to someone who (used to) know you, email me at bluesmoke@gmail.com. Tell me if you email me though because I never check that shit. I hope you feel better!*hugs* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014337) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:11 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks, I really appreciate it! I miss those days too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014594) Date: March 30th, 2019 11:40 AM Author: citrine trailer park boistinker wtf (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014833) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:23 AM Author: French multi-billionaire ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038942) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:51 PM Author: Indecent big tattoo firing off some dick pics, brb (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058422) Date: March 30th, 2019 9:28 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin 1) your husband is a dickwad and probably a fag. he gives you shit about money both because he is a little faggot and also because you are bad with money. still he should let you buy shit or have housebroken you a long time ago before you had kids. also, doctors are grifter faggots who only want to take your money and not have you sue them. they're not some altruistic class of noblemen like they claim to be and they use the "but it's for the children" line to do unnecessary bullshit that insurance used to pay for before obama made high deductible plans the norm. 2) going to bed at the same time is good and healthy. he doesn't trust you because he's not retarded. you are a divorcee who cheated on her last husband and the guy probably went with you because you checked enough boxes but he also knew that was a big fucking red flag and he's an insecure faggot who likes dick. either way he's correct to assume your sending pics of your blown out twat to some dude when you spend too much time in the bathroom. 3) who the fuck with kids "loves their job"? do you know what an insane selfish bitch you sound like saying that shit? every second you spend at work is a second you aren't being a parent to your children and you should approach work as such. This guy sucks and you should probably leave him and quit your job and take all his money. also you should be less of a dumb selfish cuntbag and not poast on xo. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014459) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:05 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am actually quite good about not spending money. I am not good at investing etc He objects to me being awake because his sleep is more important than anything. I would just be reading in bed next to him or something. He also is angry if I get up early, but then he says I am not committed enough to the family to go in early and leave work early. To be honest I would theoretically rather not work and have kids at the same time, but it's not realistic and my husband would never permit this. But I can't do a job and not try hard. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014574) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:07 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy if he only licks your snatch a few times a year anyway maybe just sleep in another room? but if half of what you say is true, you probably need to exit the union. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014582) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:18 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have told him we should sleep in different rooms but he doesn't want to. He usually gets up in the night when our daughter wakes up and moves to the spare room so it doesn't disturb his sleep, though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014635) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:20 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'm surprised he doesn't want to. that's kind of weird given that you're not regularly having sex anyway. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014639) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:22 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse People who are into abuse theory think it's all about control. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014648) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:23 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy possible. seems to be your read and you haven't said anything here indicating to the contrary. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014654) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:10 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin how the fuck is it "not realistic"? you both make like $200K or so I take it? maybe more maybe less, whatever. save a few hundred K and go live somewhere cheap and buy a $300K house. it's not "realistic" because you both are all in on your dumb umc big city bullshit and the status signaling it affords you. you husband is also a fag, fyi. like a takes dicks in the ass type. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014588) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:15 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He definitely doesn't think it's realistic. We could afford it. I would have moved to a cheaper house farther from the center but he refused to consider this. He wanted to buy the most expensive house we could afford. Unfortunately the jobs in smaller towns where we live are SPS and I probably am not qualified for them. But he would never, ever move away from our city anyway. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014612) Date: March 30th, 2019 11:38 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin “From the center”. Jfc you need to go the fuck back. Get the fuck out of here and go to whatever euro shithold your from. Dumb fucking ho (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014826) Date: March 30th, 2019 11:49 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm American, you cretin. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014855) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:17 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin So your retarded and just don’t know how to talk or spell words? Just be happy you found someone to take care of you. Jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014934) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What did I misspell? My speech patterns aren't fully American. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014992) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:36 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin You need to go back (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015007) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Seriously, what did I misspell? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015033) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:41 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin Go back (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015042) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok,I take it I spelled nothing wrong (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015083) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:51 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin Yes I know my behaviour is quite outlandish (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015094) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:54 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh yes. Idk what to tell you man. I am an immigrant, but not in the way you think (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015107) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:26 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, I don't think he likes dick. I guess I could be wrong though (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014659) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:26 AM Author: French multi-billionaire LOL you are psychotic. A woman's life doesn't have to revolve around her children 100%. You can both love your job and be a mother. People need an outlet other than their kids. You would never say this to a male poster. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038948) Date: March 30th, 2019 9:34 AM Author: federal location LJL at marriage-havers (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014479) Date: March 30th, 2019 9:37 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin yea man being 55 and alone seems awesome. i bet you can still pull 18 year olds too (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014492) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:28 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Yea same I feel sorry for this woman who has all these serious problems with her husband and job and kid and shit My most pressing issue is figuring out what club to go out to tonight. This thread reinforces my desire to remain single and childless, hardcore. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014667) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:37 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin Sounds fulfilling (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015014) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:11 AM Author: French multi-billionaire My life is no responsibility and non-stop fun Ill take that over "fulfilling" if fulfilling means an as whole husband and a kid to protect from him (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038913) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:03 PM Author: blathering state This is her second marriage and she already had a nice, chill husband for her first marriage. She dumped him because she wanted an ambitious, career driven guy. Well, here he is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020083) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:04 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Please see elsewhere in the thread. He wasn't nice or chill. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020089) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:11 PM Author: blathering state I didn't see you discuss your original husband from Wisconsin ITT, though I admit that I only skimmed this 300+ post thread. Also, I'll note that when I made way more I did the whole "I make way more, I get more say" thing. That's just common sense. I do side with you on the notion that at $75k it still doesn't make sense for you to quit. In addition to the fact that an au pair is cheaper, your resume looks better than it would otherwise so you could hopefully step up to a $150k+ job in a few years (maybe something like in-house or better gov or whatever). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020118) Date: March 30th, 2019 9:46 AM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter Whoa got busy yesterday and lost track of this thread. LH better divorcepwn the fuck out of this dude ASAP. I’m sure we’re getting a biased account but he doesn’t seem to understand how badly she could wreck his life and how much he deserves it. My wife is so goddamn spoiled. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014517) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:09 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Everyone is biased toward their own account. I didn't really realize how bad it all was until I started posting on a different forum about discrete issues (sometimes not even about my husband directly), and everyone there always ended up telling me he is an abusive dick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014586) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:11 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy was it a subreddit about shitty husbands? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014591) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:18 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No. It was in a general chat forum. One or two were in a forum about au pairs and everyone was like, wait a minute, why is your husband being such a dick? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014627) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:20 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy yea being shitty to young fairly low-paid hired help isn't a great sign. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014642) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:46 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He has told me with respect to the au pair that we "literally have a servant" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014716) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:41 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin That’s exactly what they are. You can rape them, beat them, make them eat dog food, sleep in the basement, whatever the hell you want. Or you could just give up your retarded job stop buying so much fucking furniture and other dumb shit and raise your own children and not give your fag husband his own personal bangslave (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015040) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:12 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin poasting about your husband online is a sign there's a problem with you. pretty big one actually (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014600) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:14 AM Author: zippy mad cow disease organic girlfriend (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014606) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:16 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. I was looking for another perspective on his behaviour because he basically just told me I was crazy for being unhappy. Posting about it online helped me to realise that he is actually a gaslighting asshole. Before that I did just feel like there was something wrong with me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014621) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:27 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy there's nothing wrong about posting about it online anonymously. that poster's being an ass. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014662) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:38 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015020) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:27 AM Author: exciting tanning salon tank let's be honest, this is thread is typical woman behavior where you paint a picture as skewed as possible to your own side to make you feel better about your own conclusions. all the xo poas expressing sympathy are enabling your surely shitty behavior. your husband may be a fag, but he prob isnt half as bad as you make it out to be and youre prob a turbo bitch ready to slide on some side dick at a moment's notice anyway. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014665) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:29 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014668) Date: March 30th, 2019 11:56 AM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig do either of you want more kid(s)? why force the same bedtime if he's not into having sex with you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014876) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:00 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is pushing for more kids. I would like them but he was quite a cunt through the last pregnancy and he basically refuses to contribute to childcare so probably a bad idea. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014887) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:22 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig idk what advice to give you it's tough with a kid. do not have another ofs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014949) Date: March 30th, 2019 12:00 PM Author: Alcoholic range reading party cheer up, crablegs! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38014889) Date: March 30th, 2019 3:12 PM Author: High-end frum area Law shrews always end up miserable when they shoot for these power couple matchups. Either pull the plug on your inconsequential career or marry somebody you really like with substantially inferior or at least not comparable earning power. Shrews seek out these instragamable 'he checks all the boxes' guys who are inevitably very uptight douches who mentally aren't too far off from the red pill comics loser characters no matter how hard they try to push the image of a jocular, prosocial stud with good professional creds. You have always seemed like a nice person, but you're also morose, self-pitying, and you put yourself in untenable situations then bitch about the unfairness of it all. Then you feel victimized. Sell all your shit, take your kid, and move to ARE country or something because you're not built for the life you keep striving for. Your definition of abuse is also cringe-worthy for people who have dealt with real abuse. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015784) Date: March 30th, 2019 3:40 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy If he’s a screamer and also a control freak, that can be pretty badly abusisive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015941) Date: March 30th, 2019 3:50 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie he’s saying that the OP has agency and is at least partly responsible for her predicament this is not a defense of the husband (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38015987) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Well, I never said I don't hold some responsibility. I obviously made a mistake committing to a mean control freak. There are other factors that mean he has extra control over me that I can't do much about for the time being, so I am pretty trapped now. Otherwise I probably would have left by now. I also have often blamed myself for having a bad personality, not being patient enough, not being thoughtful enough, not being forgiving enough, but I no longer even care. My husband has demonstrated many times that it doesn't matter what I do or what I sacrifice, he will probably always be mean to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38016967) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:06 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse As I say elsewhere, I didn't realize it was abuse for a long time. I am only calling it this because it has been 'diagnosed' as such by professionals and it has had a very bad effect on me. If you want, you can just think of him as a grade A dickhead. What kind of life do you think I should have instead? I am very good at my job (not biglaw, which I hated and found untenable) and I have a lot of friends. You're correct that I can be morose and self-pitying. I think part of this is personality (not proud) but also in law school and after felt out of my depth and always as if I wasn't good enough. I have gotten over a lot of that. Also, what kind of man should someone like me go for then? This guy threw himself at me and seemed like a stable person who was interested in the same things and cared about family. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38016954) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:08 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie if nothing else he seems stable and he wants kids maybe you just want fantasyland? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38016960) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Honestly, if all men are like this and my standards are just too high I would rather be single. I have listed out some of his behaviors above. If that sounds good to you, then fine. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38016995) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:18 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie I’m not saying he’s a treat but most of his behavior would not be possible if not for your acquiescence also, probably 60% of American wives treat their husbands the way he treats you (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017009) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:23 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am not great at standing up for myself. I think in part I am afraid of him. He has me in a bad position where I can't really walk out. Otherwise I think I would take more drastic action. He has a habit of denying anything is wrong when I call him out on his shittiness. It's hard to convey what it's like. If 60% of wives are like that (sounds like a very scientifically deduced figure), then that's not right. I just know that it's slowly draining all life and joy from me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017039) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:27 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie well you sound like a meek person who wants more from life than can be possible given your attributes either go all alpha female yourself or go all supportive submissive wife who will make him your vessel for achieving your goals (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017053) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:34 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Jesus Christ. I don't really see why it has to be one extreme or another. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017095) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:38 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie ok then get divorced and be a meek woman with a kid. that’s the middle ground (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017121) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This is probably what I have to do :( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017135) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:42 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse But I will say that part of the problem, conversely, is that I am not meek enough. If I just accepted that my husband can call all the shots, and I treated him like a God because he makes sooooo much money, and if I accepted that I will work because he demands it but I will not be too committed to it because he doesn't like that, then he would probably like me better. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017156) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:45 PM Author: Razzle-dazzle House Selfie that’s basically what I said above. you want “equality” even though he is more assertive and makes more money, so you are both unhappy. lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017171) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:46 PM Author: jade digit ratio native yeah Mandy is happy with TMF. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020347) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:14 PM Author: blathering state To be fair, we have a pretty good setup that works well for us. I'm not asking for more from her and she isn't asking for more from me at this point. The problem is that neither her or her husband are happy with what is going on now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020507) Date: March 30th, 2019 9:44 PM Author: self-centered violet cuck lol dont take relationship advice from people on xo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017420) Date: April 1st, 2019 9:15 PM Author: blathering state To be fair, I'm not sure we're worse than IRL. People generally give SPS relationship advice, usually what they think the person wants to hear. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38027530) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:18 PM Author: blathering state "either go all alpha female yourself or go all supportive submissive wife who will make him your vessel for achieving your goals" What terrible advice. You've never been married. Why would you try to give her advice? The correct answer is that they should try to find some compromise that makes both parties happy. Not some extreme likely to lead both to be unhappy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020528) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:06 PM Author: jade digit ratio native I told you he was abusive like 3 months after you met him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017480) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse How did you know? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020626) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:26 PM Author: ivory arrogant circlehead this thread is a great “in the wild” example of how insipid “classic xo” and it’s poasters were. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017049) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:27 PM Author: lascivious ebony gas station I skipped over most of it, and it sucked ass. Hate the losers who always go on and on about the "glory days" of XO. It is so much better now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017058) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:14 AM Author: red dingle berry sneaky criminal You have the perspective of a gnat. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018657) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:43 PM Author: Abnormal excitant potus brethren yeah people discussing actual shit is inferior to a bunch of unemployed dudes non-stop spamming political bullshit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025587) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:41 AM Author: French multi-billionaire lawman is a weird, stupid aspie who spams reptile political shit all day and thus thinks a board where people spam weird political ahit is better than a board where normal, whole people discuss their lives and real shit that matters. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038963) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:39 AM Author: French multi-billionaire You have been here since like 2017 and know nothing about the board. The fact that this thread is gwtting so many posts is proof that lonely hunter was a good, important poster and people care about her. There are few posters these days who are willing to reveal anything about their lives because when you do psychotic pumos and quotemos stalk you and try to make your life miserable (look at me). The board is so much worse now. Its heyday was 2004-2012 or more narrowly 2004-2007. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038962) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:29 PM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017064) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:33 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My threads really shouldn't be the benchmark for this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017085) Date: March 30th, 2019 8:50 PM Author: Sticky honey-headed international law enforcement agency cuckold (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017201) Date: March 30th, 2019 9:47 PM Author: Alcoholic range reading party (34 year old pumo drooling on self as he reheats 4chan copypasta and throws the sludge on the XO cafeteria plate) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017428) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:35 PM Author: fragrant ticket booth headpube (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017581) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:13 PM Author: Drab Karate Fortuitous Meteor that wasn’t funny (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019249) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:44 PM Author: Abnormal excitant potus brethren (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025591) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:09 PM Author: Abnormal excitant potus brethren (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025769) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:42 AM Author: French multi-billionaire (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038964) Date: April 13th, 2019 7:26 PM Author: hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38084489) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:29 AM Author: High-end frum area (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018263) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:04 PM Author: blathering state You mean back when XO was just normal people that talked to each other like normal humans? Oh no, how insipid! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020090) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:28 PM Author: Yapping Hairraiser Theater look I'm just here for the gay shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020226) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:30 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020235) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:31 PM Author: blathering state (XO 2019) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020249) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:51 AM Author: fishy swashbuckling office cr, it's almost like none of these xo2019 4chan NEETs aspires to multiple properties (to both use and rent out), millions in the bank and in various securities, great car, great apartment in the city and a great villa outside the city, the ability to travel the world, eat a great restaurants, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023038) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:55 AM Author: ruddy set (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023535) Date: April 1st, 2019 9:27 AM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023586) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:28 PM Author: nofapping stag film this comment gets at something: xo is at its best for absurdist humor, whether it's striver lawyers from old xo lifethreading or modern xo neets poasting gay shit. the specific content doesn't matter; anything that detracts from the core mission is 120 SPS (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026310) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:18 AM Author: Translucent windowlicker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029585) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:44 AM Author: Aquamarine Mewling Athletic Conference (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028651) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:15 AM Author: Charismatic home (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039087) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:42 AM Author: French multi-billionaire 180 to Fish (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038965) Date: March 30th, 2019 10:34 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Can you describe his emotionally abusive behavior a little more? Is it just controlling or intentionally mean? Manipulative? Does he have a bad temper? How do you guys share expenses and how do you guys share earnings? Housing? Childcare? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38017576) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:52 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's difficult to describe, and sometimes he will be really nice for a while (though his really nice night just be normal nice). This is part of the reason it took so long to understand what is happening. I think that he is emotionally manipulative but also likes to use me as a punching bag a bit, and to put me down so he can feel important. Here are some examples: Regarding my salary: 1. he complains about how low it is all the time. He says this is because my job's supposed to be family friendly but they ask too much. Therefore, if I need to work more than he thinks I should (only my strict contractual hours) he becomes very angry with me. He is especially enraged if he has to watch our daughter while I make up work at the weekend or something. It's a sort of public interest job which pays fairly well (around 75k). It does not pay as well as biglaw by a longshot, but it's a prestigious role and obviously is a serious job. 2. He also has decided that any childcare we use has to be a good value in comparison to my salary. His attitude is that childcare is my full responsibility because I have the lifestyle job and I should be able to pick our daughter up every day by 6 pm. He can never promise to be available to do this. So after he was extremely mean to our last au pair, I said I wasn't sure if this is the right childcare choice for us anymore. He then went on the attack and said that I can't afford the kind of childcare I want (I hadn't said what I want - I just floatedthe idea of using a babysitter to help with daycare pickup sometimes. He said people who work where I go don't get to have luxury wraparound childcare. When I told him that my colleague has a full time nanny, he established that the colleague's wife is a teacher and then said that this is ok because my colleague is the breadwinner and HE needs the nanny. 3. He has been urging me to move to a 4 day week at work so we pay for one less day of childcare. He came up with some weird rationale where he concluded that I only make as much as our cleaner on Fridays when you take into account taxes in the higher bracket that I pay for that 5th day of work. When I have explained that ladies who do this end up still doing 5 days of work but being paid for 4, he said that if I refuse to push back this shows that I don't value time with our daughter. He also said that he feels sorry for her because his mommy was always around but I am not. 4. But he also constantly complains about how I don't contribute enough money to the household and he wants me to get an in house job or something so I can make more money. So it's all framed in a way where I can't win, if you see what I mean. I have also told him to shut the fuck up about my job and my salary. I have told him I find it hurtful and it is making me depressed to have someone needling me constantly about how shit my job. He will not stop. He says it's because (a) we NEED to talk about my salary of we are discussing finances and (b) I should understand that insults to my job aren't insults to me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018625) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:58 AM Author: Drab Karate Fortuitous Meteor call me crazy but this seems entirely reasonable on his part (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018633) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:21 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Before we had children I told him I didn't want it to ruin my life. I explained that I was very frightened of having to balance work and a baby. I was clear that I can't just do a half assed job at work. I also did not really want children. He did. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018680) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:27 AM Author: Drab Karate Fortuitous Meteor fair enough, thats on him if he forced the children issue (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018691) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:17 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We pay proportionate amounts of our income into a joint account which pays the bills. We each keep the rest of our own incomes in our own accounts. For context, he paid 35% of his income to pension last year and we mutually saved 60k (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018665) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:45 PM Author: Massive main people This is your first problem. You don't really have a marriage. You are like two roommates. People who are married combine finances. It is insane not to do so. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073477) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:39 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin holy shit lol. you make $75K and have an au pair raising your kids? quit your job and take care of your daughter you stupid bitch. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018709) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:41 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse She's not raising my kid. She picks my daughter up from daycare and takes her in the morning. She also does some babysitting. I am normally home by 6:30 or 7 and then I take over looking after my daughter. I also plan and make all of her meals. My daughter and I are very close. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018712) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:43 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy don't engage with the pure trolls it won't make you feel better and is unlikely to educate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018716) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:45 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin fuck you asshole. I have kids and real life experience with this shit. she is being a retard and needs to be told so since she apparently doesn't listen to her husband. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018723) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:47 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy her reasonable husband: just make a lot more money and do a lot less. ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018728) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:53 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin she has a law degree and makes $75K and considers that worth it to not stay home with her kid. she should either make more money or stay at home. if the guy won't let her stay home she could leave and just take all his money. keeping the current job is stupid. i've been saying above how the husband is being a faggot too. he's not without fault. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018735) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:55 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Perhaps you didn't see the part where my husband requires me to work. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018739) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:16 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin how the fuck does he "require" shit from you? do what you need to do that's in the best interest of the kid and tell him to fuck off. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018789) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:56 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy we have like a 1000 emo posts in this thread now so i'm not going to look it up, but pretty sure she said she'd like to stay at home and he won't allow that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018741) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:03 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin fuck him then. she has a kid and can skullfuck him in divorce. she owns his ass. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018754) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:10 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy yeah if no prenup. i don't know why any man of means would do no prenup these days tho. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018773) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:22 PM Author: blathering state Eh, people overestimate this. He earns $200k to her $75k. It isn't like she makes $75k and he makes $500k+. And he'll fight for joint custody. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058062) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:44 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin so some $10/hr daycare chimp is raising your kid and you don't get home until 7 at this shit job? your husband is being entirely reasonable that your job is bullshit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018721) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:46 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy yeah so "reasonable" that he won't allow her to be a sahm and wants her to just do make more money for less responsibility/pay. tbf, can be hard for outsiders to understand how much cock legal jobs typically suck, but get real, the guy's being an asshole. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018725) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:15 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin he's def an asshole but he's also correct that her job in her current form ($75K + long hours/weekends) makes no sense. there are several courses of action she could take is currently taking the dumbest one. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018787) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:17 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy ok but his solution is for her apparently to just make more money for less work. come on: not everyone can be doing the nutella 11-2pm 500k hedge fund inhouse thing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018792) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:33 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin if you have a law degree and can't pull six figures then hang it up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018845) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:17 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman seems cr. she should either get a better paying job or stay at home. this current position makes zero sense (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018794) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:25 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy he seems to want better pay with more hours and less responsibility, but not everyone can just do get a nutella 10-2pm hedge fund 500k inhouse cush job. come on; this guy isn't being real. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018807) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:26 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I also really like my job and I am good at it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018811) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:30 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin so fucking what? you have a kid. whether you like your job doesn't matter any more. all that matters is how much it pays and how demanding it is for you. that's it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018827) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:33 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i don't care about leaning in but come on. of course she cares about having a meaningful job she likes after living through biglaw/bigshit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018844) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:35 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin yea, and meanwhile men have to continue at biglaw or keep making biglaw money for the rest of their lives in order to keep their wives happy. of course it's better to have a job you like but once you have a kid then that moves way down the priority ladder. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018858) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:37 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy plenty of guys move on to the government or inhouse rather than continuing to grind themselves to dust at some shit firm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018869) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:38 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin for $75K? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018876) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:40 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy well guys don't generally go to non-profits at all, for that reason, but they do go to the government for jobs that have payscales that start between 80-120k and top out somewhere between 150-300k. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018883) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:44 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin $150K > $75K (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018899) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:48 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy has she actually said she's unwilling to trade up from whatever aclu type shit she's doing now to the doj or whatever? you can't make that transition in an instant, and the upshot would be less time and flexibility, not more. the doctor douche would still be complaining, plenty. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018919) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:08 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Where I work is actually equivalent to DOJ, sec, ofac. It's one of the best paid and most prestigious government lawyer jobs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019001) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:43 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy most prestigious i don't doubt, but it's not among the "best paid." maybe it's purely a geographical thing, but the sf mofo studs heading over to the Santa Clara City Attorney's Office start at like 120 or 130k. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019146) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:07 PM Author: blathering state Best paid? At $75k? No, it isn't. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020100) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:11 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't live in the US (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020115) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:12 PM Author: blathering state Ah. Fair enough, that matters. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020122) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:13 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy she says biglaw pays 90k in tokyo or wherever this mystical city is. just roll with it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020124) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:15 PM Author: jade digit ratio native it's true. They live in Europe. Non US biglaw pays absolute shit in Europe. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020132) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:20 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i thought she was talking about us biglaw in that city though, which is why it made no sense to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020159) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:19 PM Author: blathering state That's true of a lot of the world. Australia is like this, as is much of Europe. Law school is a ugrad degree in these places. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020151) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:20 PM Author: jade digit ratio native yeah like working at Latham in Paris will get you NYC biglaw plus a living stipend. Working at the best local french firm will pay $80K. To be fair they work half as much and get the 2 months vacation thing. US firm employees dont get European schedules. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020168) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:26 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i thought she was claiming a us based firm like latham would be paying that much there, which wan't consistent with anything i'd heard before but whatever. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020221) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:27 PM Author: blathering state Depends on whether you were hired as a US expat or a local attorney. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020225) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:30 PM Author: jade digit ratio native yep (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020239) Date: March 31st, 2019 6:42 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And disputes/litigation lawyers are NEVER hired as US associates on an expat package (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021224) Date: March 31st, 2019 7:09 PM Author: blathering state Agreed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021335) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:27 PM Author: blathering state Yep, it was the same in Moscow. Many US firms also had two payscales - one for local attorneys that was similar to top of local rates, and one for expat attorneys that was NYC + expat bonus. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020222) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:31 PM Author: jade digit ratio native but the expat jobs are MUCH MUCH harder,. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020246) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:32 PM Author: blathering state lulz. They are definitely less stable though, and combined with the fact that the experience is less marketable it isn't the awesome deal dumbasses like me thought they were. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020257) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:34 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy instability isn't your fault and can be career fucking, which is a point no one in or around a good law school will bother to tell you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020267) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:41 PM Author: blathering state For expat jobs they outright lie. They tell you that people just "can't hack" the expat lifestyle and that's why there's turnover and shit. IRL, whenever there's a downturn they fire everyone without hesitating. I was told about a guy that "walked off" because he just couldn't hack it. Turns out that guy not only didn't "walk off", but was married to a local, had a car and an apartment he bought, etc. Because he recently got permanent residency he was able to stick around and ended up recovering, but not only did he not "walk off" because the expat lifestyle was too hard, he positioned his entire life to stay in Moscow permanently. But in general, a lot of what we heard in law school was just silly lies. The problem is that very few people have an incentive to tell the truth. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020306) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:43 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy people in or around good law schools should tell the truth. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020327) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:58 PM Author: blathering state I've been fighting this battle every summer for years. Our company gets law school interns and my former boss used to tell them a bunch of bullshit every single summer. Like "oh, you don't need real technical skills for this technical job, just common sense!" (same guy would never hire someone without technical skills for this). "You don't need a large firm or a top law school, just common sense and a good heart." (total lie) So on and so forth. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020412) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:50 AM Author: French multi-billionaire This is the most aspie thing ever poated on here and that's saying a lot Of course whether you like yoyr job matters. You spend most of your life at your job and if you hate it you will be miserable. You seem to think mothers have no rights and have to devote every inch of their being to their children or they're horrible people. As I said earlier you would never be saying this to a man. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038972) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:14 AM Author: jade digit ratio native we all hate our jobs but we do them anyway because that's what men with responsibilities for others do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039033) Date: April 4th, 2019 8:28 PM Author: French multi-billionaire ? I don't hate my job. I actually enjoy going to work everyday. That's why I just laugh at aapie idiots like Fish who make fun of me for "only" making 75k. You couldn't pay me a million dollars a year to work a job I hate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38042438) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:30 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy beyond that (and those are important points), unless you're doing sporadic contract work, you basically can't work less in the law than you are. i think that's hard for outsiders to understand, but it is the reality. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018829) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:36 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin for $75K you should never work past 5. period. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018864) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:38 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'm familiar with non-profit and governmental legal jobs. you will not find many or any, and certainly not ones worth a shit, that allow you to punch out at 5 every single day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018875) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:39 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin $75K isn't worth a shit. go be a teacher and leave at 3 and ahve summers off then. or get a better paying job. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018878) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:41 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy yea she's going to take up teaching at 40. come on dude. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018886) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:45 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin she could. it would be better than what she's doing now. literally anything would be better. i have no idea what her options are like. if $75K is the best she can do then hang it up. not worth it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018906) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:50 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I should probably mention that payscales for lawyers are different where I live (lower overall) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018929) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:58 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin sounds like you should quit the job and stay at home with your daughter. don't even debate it with your husband. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018956) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:24 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This would not work out well for me. He is already quite weirdly obsessive about money and resents all expenditures. I mentioned elsewhere here that he was very irritated when I got our daughter a second pair of shoes for example. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019055) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:27 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin He’s going to be a dick regardless so fuck it. Grow some balls. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019071) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He will be a dick but he already believes he should make all financial decisions because he makes more money. Another (more minor) example: we have to make transatlantic flights fairly often. I have a strong preference to only do direct with a toddler and he (a) refuses to do this if indirect flights are substantially cheaper and (b) is highly resentful that I am so wasteful with money. However, it works out well for him I guess. After our last 8 hour flight the woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and complimented me on managing so well on a flight by myself with a toddler. OFS my husband was there too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019246) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:50 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin numbers are important in these situations. if we're talking thousands of dollars then yea you should stop over or just not go. if it's hundreds of dollars he should not be a fag about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020791) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:00 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020834) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:14 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse So I think it's possible he would actually withhold money if he could. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019250) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:19 PM Author: blathering state I have to ask - is he Jewish? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020920) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, but to perpetuate stereotypes his dad is Indian, tight after, and treats his mom like a slave. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020933) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:31 PM Author: blathering state Ah, I wondered if there was something cultural going on here. Seems like that's definitely part of the problem here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020982) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:33 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I kind of feel like he wants me to be a sahm like his mother but also to make a lot of money. I don't think he is emotionally intelligent enough to have worked this out for himself. So he is constantly angry and frustrated that I'm not meeting expectations. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020989) Date: March 31st, 2019 7:20 PM Author: blathering state Right, so he wants the impossible. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021386) Date: March 31st, 2019 7:20 PM Author: jade digit ratio native You don't think he is frustrated that he is not able to take care of his family on his own and this is leading to him lashing out at you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021387) Date: March 31st, 2019 7:50 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That's possible and that would be sad. Unfortunately, if that's his motivation, he is still lashing out at me, pushing me away, and making my life shit by creating a situation where nothing I do is right. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021505) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:27 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Like a first year in a decent biglaw firm would get 90k (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019070) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:44 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy then there isn't a "decent biglaw firm" in the city you now reside. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019149) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Haha the best law firms in the world have offices here. They can just get away with paying less due to geography. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019237) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:27 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy OK I’ve never heard of a BigLaw firm paying that far below he big city market rate, but I’ll trust your representation given I know you as a poster. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019304) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:53 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman this seems remarkably dismissive for no reason. teaching should be easy to pick up and if it allows more time at home with comparable salary, it should be a consideration (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018937) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:54 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy if she can work at a good school for 50k than maybe that would be better, but i don't think i'm being dismissive--i just think those kinds of career transitions are much tougher in practice than they sound in theory. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018942) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:35 PM Author: Provocative crimson resort mexican it makes sense to her because HER JOB. the guy still sounds like an ass, but we're only getting one side. she's essentially saying they need to pay at a wash so she can feel important at a meaningless job aside from her rat race self-esteem house of cards. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032411) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:26 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My contractual hours are 35 hours a week. He is angry if I do any more than that. If I work during the weekend it's during a crunch time or because I took our daughter to an appointment during the week and is no more than 4 hours (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018809) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:31 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin why do you get home so late? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018836) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:53 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman what would be the consequences if you stuck to the contractual hours (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018938) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:55 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy the poors would die and she'd get fired. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018944) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:21 PM Author: blathering state Then her work would get more unpleasant because she would clearly be not doing well? I get why she wants to actually complete her work. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020551) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:57 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My feeling is that he wants me to make a lot of money and handle all the childcare, and he feels he has a right to complain and browbeat and criticize me until I fall into line with his exact desires. But I also need to acknowledge that he is the breadwinner and not spend more money than he thinks is right. For example, when I bought our daughter an extra pair of shoes because the ones she wears to daycare are covered in paint and dirt, he was really annoyed. He doesn't yell, he just makes really mean comments in a very angry, low voice, and he puts me down all the time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018631) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:16 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy someone above suggested he's a rich doctor. if that's right, what a fucking asshole, all the more so. the point of getting a "good" job is to attract a wife and to be able to pay for having a family (including allowing the woman to have no job or low pay job, and to pay for you kid's clothes) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018662) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:18 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He insists that I have a job but it has to be the right kind of job that pays enough and also allows me freedom to take care of all childcare (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018667) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:21 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy sounds like he has a secure very high paying job, so again, this is dumb/shitty on his part. maybe he just doesn't understand the legal world (which to be fair is a shit world), but you have basically the best kind of legal job for raising children. if he wants different he should pay for you to stay at home and/or pay for a nanny (and not treat the girl like a slave) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018681) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:46 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin $125K. that's the number. if you make less than that then stay the fuck home. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018724) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:18 AM Author: smoky very tactful rigor alpha Based on this thread sounds like you need to divorce TBH. I mean is he ever NICE to you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018668) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:25 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is occasionally nice but not usually. And usually it's not very sincere. This may sound princessy, but after I had our baby he was very impressed by how I handled childbirth etc. He took me out for a nice drink and said that he wanted to buy me a specific pair of earrings that I had coveted for years. I was very touched. A few weeks later he told me that actually they were a bad value so I would have to choose a different pair that he considered to be worth the expense. He is being nice today because it is mother's Day where we are. He was also nice on valentine's Day. Being nice means he looks after our daughter a bit without complaining and he might take me for a meal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018687) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I haven't followed up on this because I don't really want to go on a long hunt for some acceptable earrings that he likes. I am not very materialistic and my feelings are hurt over the whole thing. He seems to have forgotten all about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018693) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:28 AM Author: smoky very tactful rigor alpha How old is daughter? If not for her, would you still be with him? How does he treat her besides being unwilling to care for her most days? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018694) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:31 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy this guy's a piece of shit and she already divorced someone else. entirely clear that only the kid would keep her joined at the hip to such an asshole. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018697) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:35 AM Author: smoky very tactful rigor alpha Just trying to work her toward seeing that he will likely treat daughter the same way. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018699) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:39 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yeah, I am concerned about this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018711) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:41 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'm often an advocate of sticking it out on behalf of the children, but i'm not seeing that here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018713) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:38 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse She is 2. Sometimes he gushes about how cute she is and he will cuddle her extravagantly when he feels like it. I think he occasionally will patiently show her how to do something. If he is forced to look after her, sometimes he meets up with other people who have children at a park or something. He often shows great irritation about looking after her in front of her. He often talks about how annoying she is. He snaps at her easily. He never, ever takes her out for a special daddy daughter event. If I am taking her somewhere during the weekend, he is relieved that she will be out of his hair and he usually doesn't want to join She has an extremely clear preference for me. A few weeks ago I left her in the bath with him watching her and she cried so hysterically she vomited. This doesn't always happen, though. Sometimes she is happy or ok with him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018706) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:16 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He also acts like childcare is all my responsibility. My mom came to visit last autumn and we went away for a long weekend, taking my daughter with us. He had an entire 4 day weekend to himself. The next weekend we wanted to go out for brunch and shopping on Saturday without my daughter. He was very angry about this because we had the day before to do this already. He claimed at the last minute to have a sore throat (which I never heard about again). When I said that it was important to have this little bit of time to ourselves and pointed out that I took our daughter away the entire preceding weekend, he said, "but you didn't do that to help ME." He basically takes no interest in her unless other people are watching. The rest of the time I am expected to do all childcare. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018661) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:20 AM Author: smoky very tactful rigor alpha He's a controlling narcissist. Divorce. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018677) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:18 AM Author: startling comical stage Hey! We met at NYC meet up many many moons ago. Did you end up marrying that British dude you were with? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018795) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:30 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018823) Date: March 31st, 2019 10:28 AM Author: Bisexual brilliant foreskin people who are hurt Protip- if you love your daughter and want the best for her, you will not get divorced (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38018816) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:09 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman harsh truth (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019007) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:07 PM Author: Alcoholic range reading party yeah nothing is better for a kid than being raised by a dad who clearly resents you because you weren't a boy and basically does fuck all parentally except be an asshole (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019513) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:08 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy he might just end up with occasional weekend custody if they got divorced. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019519) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:47 PM Author: Bisexual brilliant foreskin people who are hurt (boomercuck who can't recognize the narcissistic wreckage of divorce) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019988) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:09 PM Author: blathering state This. Also, you'll be twice-divorced with a kid in your 30s. If you think the heart was a lonely hunter before, lol @ what dating would look like now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020106) Date: March 31st, 2019 6:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Just saw this. I am well aware of all of these things. Still, unless he starts being less of a dick, I won't be able to stick with the marriage much longer. I'm already like a single mom in many ways given that he hates helping with our daughter, he gives me shit if I spend money (including my own), and he won't have sex with me. If I were alone the main difference would be that he would not be constantly criticizing me or expecting me to cook him dinner. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021241) Date: March 31st, 2019 7:11 PM Author: blathering state Yeah, I'm having a hard time arguing with this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021342) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:23 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig mentally ill controlling fucks who make $$$ and want children usually prefer sahms ime. why does he want you to work? this all makes 0 sense. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019290) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:28 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Because he’s greedy. Assuming white and not Jewish, she ended up with the worst kind of WASP. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019314) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:29 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig She makes 75K in a HCOL and they have costs associated with that, esp with child(ren)? He wants another kid too. It all makes 0 sense. I know a slightly abusive controlling fuck who is very successful but wants like 4 kids and his wife sahms and he does no childcare, and does not fuck her. He is also handsome as f. similar to LH's DH. That makes more sense to me. Wife also moved very far for him similar to LH. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019317) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:32 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy He makes 500k or whatever and wants her to make 150k. If he made 5 million maybe he’d calculate the sums differently. And some dudes like SAHMW as a status symbol, even if they’re not loaded. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019327) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:34 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig I think you're underestimating how much her job likely inconveniences and costs their family given they have a kid. IMO in most US cities, once you're past 250K, an extra income of 75K is fucking gravy if you have kids. IDK the childcare costs and tax situation where she is though. IME most guys making that much with kids make it very clear to their SOs that they're working for themselves, not really their families for incomes around 75K. Which is fine too imo. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019341) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:45 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy ok well regardless of whether i was making 100k or 500k or 5 million, any hypothetical wife of mine could do basically whatever the hell she cared to, so i have a hard time thinking myself into the headspace of some selfish asshole. but this particular selfish asshole wants his wife to make 150k plus and also to always be free for the kid, and that basically just doesn't happen in the law, so he's out of luck. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019395) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:48 PM Author: jade digit ratio native cr that you acknowledge sub 6 figure jobs are for HER not for us. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020366) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:57 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He makes more like 200k (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019471) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:06 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy what he's doing is dumb but not inscrutable in the sense that bpm is making it out to be. but then she's always been a daffy one, bless her heart. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019505) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:43 AM Author: blathering state Geez. $275k/year in something like London is kind of rough. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029746) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:50 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate needs her out of the house during the day. hmm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019439) Date: March 31st, 2019 12:54 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Lol. But he’s mean to the nanny which isn’t conducive to fucking her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019452) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:27 PM Author: Coiffed Passionate Lodge LMAO (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019594) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:39 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate titcl (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019656) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:40 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate i intended to suggest something FAR MORE SINISTER. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019658) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:46 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy oh that there's some reason beyond the purely paternal that he finds dotter so cute? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019675) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:48 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate wtf is wrong with you i meant vampirism jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019684) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:55 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy well this is xo, and that humor is a staple here, so i thought maybe that's where you were going. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019724) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is motivated almost 100% by money, so it makes sense in his world (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019549) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:23 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig Yea but wives who make a lot of money are not wives who will take care of everything with the kids and at home. Nutella has her mom and a nanny and preschool and dads around her husband. Ur DH can't get everything. Generally successful guys end up preferring wife concentrate on home and kids because they are good at the money part. You can't want a high earning wife but not the other stuff that comes with that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019570) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:24 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy right but this guy is some combination of asshole/idiot. you've never met a smart person who behaved in a stupidly selfish manner? come on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019581) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:49 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig You have to get to know someone quite well before you see these aspects. I've not had the chance to get to know that many people that well. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019691) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:02 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Well you’re not a lawyer so you don’t necessarily run into them on a daily basis; I am and do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019757) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:31 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Just wanted to say I agree with this! It's difficult to know what people are like until you are in deep (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028878) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:25 PM Author: Sickened Kitchen Coffee Pot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019587) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:28 PM Author: jade digit ratio native he doesn't make enough money for that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019598) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:34 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy he makes enough for that, just not enough for that + andover and all the other shit the umc is obsessed about. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019625) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:37 PM Author: jade digit ratio native $275K per year will pay for the mortgage and full time childcare, but OP wont be able to travel back to the states to see her family, or save money for the future, or spend shit on themselves. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019638) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:44 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy look i don't know what city they're in, but you don't need a palace to raise a family, and childcare doesn't have to cost a fortune. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019671) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:50 PM Author: jade digit ratio native I’m not sure if it’s a secret but they live somewhere more expensive than the US. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019695) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:54 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy yeah i don't know what they going rate is for an apartment in london or hong kong or tokyo, but i'd guess you don't actually need to clear 500k to live ok there. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019722) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:57 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig nyc/london are prolly harder for families. hk has extremely cheap 24/7 help and far lower taxes. tokyo has stay at home mom culture more so than nyc and hk. japanese salarymen want wife at home. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019737) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:07 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Taxes are also higher. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019781) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:58 PM Author: blathering state Depends on the expat setup. Some places pay package that includes housing allowance. Some pay for private schools. The more shit that the package covers the less you have to make to feel ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020823) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:31 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Reading this thread - the way he approaches things sounds so similar to me - except that he is probably 50-70% worse than I am. It's not easy for autistic cheap people to cope with the irrational spending that is a wife and the perpetual money pit of a child. Of course he should have known this ahead of time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019609) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:43 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy there's a reason you used to get trolled here for being insanely cheap. it's not the worst thing in the world but it's also not necessarily normal either. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019664) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:00 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Other posters are a lot cheaper than I am, they just aren’t married. The struggle is reconciling cheap money saving behavior with typical female tendencies, like shopping as a hobby, or never checking how much ingredients cost at the grocery store. Basically just never being money conscious despite making a lot less money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019752) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:14 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy I remember Don too but some of what you posted indicated that you were pretty cheap especially so far as women were concerned (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019814) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:59 PM Author: pontificating heady spot corn cake How are you cheap where's that thread where you said you spent like new car money on postmates last year ljl (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040432) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Do you think I am like that? I buy most of my daughter's clothes on eBay. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019981) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:48 PM Author: jade digit ratio native no. My wife likes to shop. She buys mostly cheap stuff, but she will buy something or other 3 times a week probably. It's not that bad - I just don't like clutter or waste. Do you feel like money is tight for you guys? The separate acocunt stuff doesnt help. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019993) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:58 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, we have plenty of money. We have like 60k cash that we have saved over the past year. He obviously would disagree. He is quite insane over money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020059) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:17 PM Author: jade digit ratio native See you think $60K saved is enough, but that is not enough to prevent $ insecurity for someone who worries about that often. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020141) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:31 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy year over year, it's enough for a reasonable retirement and college for the kid. he's a doctor and doesn't have to worry about getting "lathamed" and she works for the government and doesn't have to worry about that either. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020253) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:34 PM Author: jade digit ratio native He's not a doctor. Not sure why people think he's a doctor. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020264) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:36 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy ok. but is he actually at any real risk of a layoff or other form of involuntary separation? if so maybe i can understand where he's coming from; otherwise not. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020280) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:37 PM Author: jade digit ratio native i believe he is a lawyer like the rest of us. I'm not sure what career stability is like in Europe now, but i guess he is on the 2 months vacation but make half as much as Americans pay scale. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020288) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:40 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy they probably aren't subject to the kind of insane job insecurity that is the new normal at most good american firms. also if he's a lawyer she probably shouldn't be posting all this shit here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020301) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:28 PM Author: jade digit ratio native So based on your responses it seems like the primary thing that he is an asshole and controlling about it money. And he makes a fair bit more than you - but not Kobe Bryant more - you said around $200K. He doesn't yell but does he have a bad temper? Or is he calm all the time and just mean? How mean are you when you are angry getting into fights? As someone who is also cheap and worried about money all the time, and who is maybe 40% as controlling as he is, I kind of understand where his motivations come from, but it sounds like he is too selfish or narcissistic to compromise in a way that works for both of you, even if it isn't the most fiscally efficient. This was a struggle for me, and if money is actually a little bit tight with your living situation and your high costs of living city, I can understand the stress a little bit. It's how we deal with the stress that makes a difference. It's a bit of a luxury for you to have the job that you want, versus the job that you need - and this is a luxury reserved for wives with husbands who make more. That said he does not seem to appreciate that if he expects you to take on most of child rearing duties, you need a sort of mommy job, and its unreasonable for him to get mad that you care about your job enough to do it well, even if that means a LITTLE extra time. If your job is actually taking you 50 hours per week and really cutting into your ability to be primary child care person, then it's something to reconsider. Is his job really so busy that he cant help or he just doesn't want to help? This is why people say you need to make $400K to raise a kid in a city. It's not just so you can pay the rent and expenses, but that you have enough comfort from you salaries that little expenses like buying new shoes to paying for a direct flight (indirect flights are ghastly) don't cause too much stress. It's a shitty situation - though from your detailed description its not as "abusive" as I feared - he's just being a controlling selfish asshole - which you knew about for 7 years :) That said if the kid is making it worse rather than better, and if he forced you to have the kid - then fuck him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019597) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:37 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes, he also is mean and has a bad temper. Any time it's possible to blame something on me he takes it. It's just overshadowed by the constant complaints about my shitty job, which always has overtones of suggesting i am inferior and less important. For example, just now we were returning from our outing. I let our daughter ride the escalator and I was holding her hand and explaining how it works. She toppled over mone reached the bottom. I ineffectually pulled on the hand I was holding to hike her up and she sort of slid along. I quickly picked her up and brushed her off, no harm done. My husband said in a VERY angry, scolding, and raised voice "fucking hell! You have to hold on to her!" When I defended myself and explained, he doubled down and criticized me more. He was very angry at how poorly I had done and he said other people were running to the rescue because of how slow and ineffective I was. His voice was raised, but not exactly yelling. Following this, there was no softness or kind word about how I had done my best and it's ok etc. Another example is when there was a very bad mixup when I was supposed to have my driving test a couple of months ago, and my instructor took me to the wrong testing center. I was heartbroken and very upset, and I felt dumb, and my husband was FURIOUS with me for being so stupid and losing money. It was angry, cold rage for days. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019945) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:47 PM Author: jade digit ratio native So he is judgmental, cheap and controlling. How is your temper nowadays? You are sensitive but do you get super angry and get into shouting matches when this stuff happens? Have you tried telling him that he is being an insensitive asshole? I hear it all the time and it helps me a little. I am tempted to show my wife this thread so she understands how much worse it can be. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019986) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse If I tell him that he is hurting my feelings he just tells me in an irritated way why my feelings are wrong and actually he is justified in whatever mean thing he has said or done (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020019) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:53 PM Author: jade digit ratio native It's like listening to a worse description of me, before I learned how to deal with other people. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020033) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh, and sometimes we get into shouting matches. I am starting to give up though. He gets very mean and critical, and makes very personal comments very easily. It is never tempered by humor or anything. It's always clear that he thinks I am a dumb asshole. Lots of eyerolling and silent fuming anger (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020046) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:58 PM Author: jade digit ratio native yeah the autistic judgmental thing does not work with someone who has a temper as well. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020053) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:05 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I kind of feel like you are suggesting that my personality defects mean that this is largely my fault. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020092) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:14 PM Author: jade digit ratio native no i meant I understand exactly how he is autistic and cheap and judgmental, because I am the same way (as you know a little). Difference is I have no temper at all so I am usually trying to make things better or at least defuse the situation. I value peace more than I value being right. This thread is a little eye opening for me, that's all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020130) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:56 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig have you tried hurting his feelings? tell him he's not a high earner. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020043) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:57 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse If I did this he would lash out with something ten times more mean. He seems to think if he is angry (whether about me or something else) he has a right to vent his anger toward me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020051) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:58 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig just match it. do you think he'd ever get physical? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020054) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't like being gratuitously mean (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020062) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:00 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy it also won't lead to any good. he'd act like a much bigger asshole in response. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020068) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:01 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig what if she just acts like an asshole back? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020074) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:03 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy doesn't sound like he'd get physical but he'd just continue to escalate his own bad behavior upwards. ultimately though the guy is hopeless and pretzel needs to either make her peace being miserable with him, or find a way to leave. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020080) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:58 PM Author: jade digit ratio native this is not a good idea. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020055) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:59 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig i'm trying. i mean well. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020063) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:59 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy it's really dumb but very bpm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020064) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:00 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig explain i'm definitely inexperienced with this level of retarded assholdry in men (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020067) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:01 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy you're smart and socially smart, but sometimes you have really odd ideas about people and social relations. it's fine and endearing even. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020075) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:01 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig who the fuck is this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020076) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:03 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'm totally new here; just started poasting last week. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020088) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:29 PM Author: Crusty aromatic market cr, fucking nuclear option (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020231) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:41 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate (bpm) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021006) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:46 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's constant low-level anger and criticism, often when I least expect it or I am clearly doing my best. He is always there to let me know how shit I am. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019985) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:50 PM Author: jade digit ratio native yeah but you are also prone to bouts of low self esteem and a little bit of self pity for some of this stuff. I get how it is a shitty daily drain being around someone who is judging you constantly though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020008) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think he takes advantage of my low self esteem to manipulate me. I have come to think that he chose me (consciously or not) because he felt he could bully me into doing what he wants all the time. It's probably also exciting to have an American wife who is thin and has a respectable career background (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020099) Date: March 31st, 2019 1:44 PM Author: Titillating Shivering Factory Reset Button Knife See you tomorrow! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019669) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse ??? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019957) Date: March 31st, 2019 2:48 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy I feel really badly for OP, but this thread is a terrific case in point of a phenomenon common and obvious enough to be a movie trope, but that somehow isn't really often discussed in polite society: the "prize" of marrying a rich accomplished "chad" is ending up with an entitled piece of shit. be careful whom you fuck and let into your lonely hearts, women. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38019992) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:06 PM Author: blathering state I don't really feel bad for her. She had a nice, chill husband that she left in order to get a hard driven, successful guy. I do think it is pretty hilarious that after all her "I can't stay in Wisconsin with a normal job, I *have* to be a driven career-woman" she ended up with a salary that she may have had (or better) had she stayed in Wisconsin with hubby number 1. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020096) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:08 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy well that's what i said originally but she claims that first husband supposedly wasn't "nice, chill" either but was instead some sort of evil control freak (i don't remember her describing him that way then but whatever). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020103) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My mom has drawn the comparison between his personality and my current husband's, so it's not just me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020119) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:15 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'm in no position to disagree. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020136) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:17 PM Author: blathering state Yeah, I wonder how much of that is revisionist history. I remember her posting about her original husband way back when and that wasn't what was coming out. What I remember is that she thought he wasn't ambitious enough and she wanted that SATC lifestyle in New Yawwwwwk City and thought she could do better. She did a Latin America trip where she cheated on her hubby, came back, divorced him, moved to NYC and started over. Then posted a bunch of "oh no, dating in NYC isn't puppies and rainbows, wtf?" type posts for years. Now here we are with her marrying the type of guy who, to be fair, she was pursuing and she *still* isn't happy because type A personalities (which, she also is) tend to be, well, type A personalities. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020143) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:21 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy that sounds similar to what i'd surmised but again i don't know either of these guys. new guy sounds like a huge asshole, and as i said, guys who check every conceivable box often are pretty big dicks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020177) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:35 PM Author: blathering state That's my take too. Like yeah, just get some high earning type A that also wants someone from that background that likes that jet setting lifestyle and is cool with a divorced woman and not judgmental and just nice. Protip: type A high earning professional types have outrageously high divorce rates, ESPECIALLY when they marry other type As because they're just as hard-driving and judgmental as they are. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020274) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:14 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Noted! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020897) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I didn't fully understand what was happening at the time. I also was more of a selfish dick and it probably wasn't a good match. I have kind of blocked a lot of the relationship out but a friend who knew me then just told me what she recalls - she said that he seemed to think I was a child who needed to be taught how to be a better person and he was always annoyed by me and trying to fix me. I also probably didn't want to linger on the bad sides then (like he wouldn't have sex with me) because I was embarrassed or wanted to be private. Apparently now I don't give a shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020182) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:25 PM Author: jade digit ratio native and your current husband wont have sex with you either? what's going on there? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020212) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:43 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm ugly and bad at sex? Idk. I think in part the current husband doesn't like that I won't just roll over and let him act like the fucking king of the castle (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020324) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:51 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Hold on, let me find Beta795 to show and and blow sunshine up your ass and tell you that you aren't ugly :) Do you have any concern that he is being unfaithful? twice a year is really bad and even weird dudes want sex more often than that. Unless you are exaggerating every 2-3 weeks for twice a year. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020379) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have suspected infidelity but I have no way of proving it. I have actually angrily accused him in frustration and he said I am crazy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020462) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:17 PM Author: jade digit ratio native but you arent exaggerating? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020519) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020634) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:36 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean, it's gotten worse and worse. Last year maybe it was 6 times. I really did throw myself at him almost every time (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020715) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:46 PM Author: blathering state Is he gay or something? Even if he were cheating on you, there's no reason he couldn't also have sex with you regularly. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020769) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:09 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Not that I know of? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020870) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:11 PM Author: blathering state "twice a year is really bad and even weird dudes want sex more often than that." That is outrageously bad and I would say if this is true then your marriage is on life support. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020491) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:25 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate maybe he's just not a sexual person, jeez (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020949) Date: March 31st, 2019 7:19 PM Author: blathering state lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021382) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:13 PM Author: blathering state "I'm ugly and bad at sex? Idk." I remember seeing your pic years ago. You're not ugly. Bad at sex? Unless you're outrageously bad (like whine and complain throughout) I would assume your husband should want to have sex with you over just not getting laid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020498) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:19 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy she said she won't let him take control and be a king, whatever that means (could range from "i don't like missionary" to "i don't like anal while being choked"). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020531) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:25 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse There are no specific complaints about our sex life that he has expressed. Since I had my baby he is just not interested. I pretty much immediately went back to my former weight and shape so unless my face is gross and old I don't think it's physical. He has been extra stressed and pissed off since then, though. He was expecting to be made partner around a year after the birth and wasn't. He just treated me worse and worse during this time - I think basically taking his frustration out on me. He was really mean but didn't open up about his feelings. Therefore, I wasn't able to be supportive because he didn't express feelings to me and he treated me like trash. Things have gone downhill more and more since then (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020611) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:28 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy have you asked him why you barely ever fuck now? seems important to the relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020637) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He says that we get into a vicious cycle of arguing. The insinuation is that he would want to have sex with me if we were getting along better. But then he will be horrible in some way and I will get pissed off and we will obviously argue again. Once when I told him that he knows this is a point of insecurity because of my ex, he said, "were you a fucking bitch to him too?" But there have been several times when he has promised me we would do it later in the evening, we have had a perfectly nice time, and then he has "forgotten". When I have expressed hurt about this, he says stuff like he thought I could see he was tired and I would understand (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020702) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:42 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i guess i'm of somewhat mixed minds on this. part of me, the larger part, thinks you're right that perfect on paper is just a huge dick--like i said, that script plays itself out in movies and in real life all the time. but another part, the smaller part, thinks you're both being hugely passive aggressive to one another because you haven't been able to agree on the fundamental terms of the relationship as to jobs, income, and child care. if that's right, you need to find a way to discuss those matters openly and come to actual agreement. otherwise you'll probably both be miserable so long as you're together, even if he's not a huge asshole and you just haven't figured out the right set of terms. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020749) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:55 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020815) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm not going to argue that I am perfect or that I have always behaved impeccably. But I truly think he has taken his frustration and anger out on me. I think he is too emotionally retarded to understand that when he is sad about his career prospects, this is a separate feeling from your wife being a bitch. He feels annoyed and attributes it to the closest target. He also becomes more controlling when stressed and since he is unable to tolerate the idea that he is at fault, he can't stand back and admit it. Last autumn when he was super stressed about his job search, we simultaneously hired the crappy au pair. She was a kind of selfish brat who didn't do anything other than look after our daughter (she always forgot to do her extra chores like tidying toys etc), and she wanted clarity about her schedule rather than being on call 24/7. He became insanely, irrationally angry toward her and I said I would handle it. When she didn't instantly improve, he started treating me like shit because I supposedly wasn't firm and mean enough with her (definitely not my style so whatever). Then he doubled down and demanded MORE of her, stuff she never agreed to. He wanted her to plan, shop for, and cook all of our meals. He would announce to her less than 24 hours ahead of time that she would have to do this. If I wanted to cook something, he would scold me and be angry. If he found out I stopped into a grocery store even to pick up a snack, he would become very angry and tell me I know I don't have time for that. If I cooked something anyway, he would purposely do things to mess up my plans and then he would punish me later for daring to defy him. He was also really vindictive with her. He would plan ahead mean things to do. One example is he purposely wanted to stay out late when she was babysitting because he wanted to mess up her social plans. So even though everyone was tired, he was pushing to stay out later. It all got worse and worse until the au pair just quit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020819) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:11 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i agree that he treated the au pair like shit and that's a huge red flag, but it's not enough on its own or even with the rest of what you've said to make me certain that he's just a huge asshole. like i said, there are fundamental terms of the relationship that it seems to two of you never came to any real agreement on, and maybe that's the biggest overarching problem here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020882) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:15 PM Author: blathering state I mean, I'm convinced he is an asshole but I'm not convinced that this means that she doesn't also provoke him and overreact in her own right. "like i said, there are fundamental terms of the relationship that it seems to two of you never came to any real agreement on, and maybe that's the biggest overarching problem here." Totally agree with this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020900) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I can see why you would say that. The problem is that I was pretty clear about things before I had a baby - I would find it hard not to still try to do well at work, I didn't want a baby to ruin my life, I like my job, we will need extra help at home. But he doesn't seem to accept that. Also, I kind of think he would be angry either way because he doesn't know what he wants. Does he want me to move to a 4 day week because he feels sorry for our poor deprived daughter and my pay is shit anyway, or does he want me to make a lot more money, which obviously would involve longer hours? He will say I should do both of these things in the same day without a hint of irony (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020917) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:27 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i think it's possible you both thought you were being clear but misconstrued one another. happens all the time, especially in relationships. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020957) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Fair enough! Unfortunately this issue is only one aspect of our problems. The criticism of my job combined with expecting me to do all childcare, combined with constant angry sniping whenever I am not perfect, combined with constant angry sniping whenever I spend money, combined with no sex, combined with general dismissive and rude behavior, combined with many broken promises is a killer. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020980) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:38 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy well i'm not telling you to suck it up for the sake of him or the kid. i'm just trying to give you a potentially different but reasonable pov on the possible facts as i've gleaned them based on what you've shared itt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021001) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I appreciate that. It is something I will think about and maybe try to incorporate into future discussions with him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021005) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:31 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I actually don't even think there is a way to deal with this constructively anymore. I truly feel that he hates me and it is hard to feel any affection for him now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020984) Date: March 31st, 2019 5:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And also part of the point isn't that he treated the au pair like shit. He was frustrated about her and he terrorised ME as well. He just thought that was his right. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020928) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:26 PM Author: blathering state I thought that was a general statement on their relationship, not an explicitly sexual one. But maybe it applies to that too. Either way, I suspect that he does not, in fact, only get laid twice a year. Maybe he is fucking whores or has a side piece or whatever. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020617) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:27 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy ah yes i guess i misconstrued; i thought she said that in the context of sex in particular too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020629) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:28 PM Author: blathering state You may ultimately have been right, I just can't tell from that. The general may also carry over into the specific here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020645) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Honestly my ex was pretty mean and judgemental. I also had to go to biglaw to pay off my crushing debt. I managed to do that in 5 years and now I am doing exactly the kind of job that led me to law school in the first place. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020111) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:14 PM Author: blathering state I'm starting to think that any guy you would be married to would be "mean and judgmental". Back many years ago when you posted about him he sounded pretty nice and normal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020127) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:17 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy she's a sensitive soul but she might well be right. hard to argue otherwise based on xo posts alone correct? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020142) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse :-( I have worried about this too. But I have talked to people IRL about stuff he has done and said on an ongoing basis and there seems to be consensus that he's a pretty big asshole. I am definitely sensitive but my husband really lacks empathy and doesn't really demonstrate an interest in my happiness I could list dozens of examples of him being cruel to me purely by virtue of being emotionally dead and kind of aspie - but instead of caring when it's called to his attention, he just disregards it or tells me my feelings are invalid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020144) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:24 PM Author: blathering state Protip: Anyone can nitpick on their spouse and come up with a million examples where, when taken out of context would also paint a picture that the other person is an asshole. I'm sure if he showed up here he could paint a picture of you that wouldn't be flattering either. And we already know what it would look like if your ex-husband came here and gave his side of the story. The point is, both XO and your friends are getting YOUR story. Hell, I've done plenty of what you've written about before at one time or another. My wife has done plenty of things too. People get stressed, tired, grouchy, whatever over the years and behave poorly because that's life. That's especially true whenever anyone has a young kid and everyone is worried about time, money, etc. Honestly, the most damning thing you've written about is that he was a dick to the au pair, because being a dick to hired help that is largely powerless is usually a bad sign. But again, I don't have any context here. Also, I really wonder what my life will be like if we have kids in the next year or so. I have pretty much zero desire to do any baby stuff and will also have an au pair (though, I'll be really nice, I swear!). This will be interesting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020206) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:26 PM Author: jade digit ratio native to be fair you are probably also a controlling judgmental asshole with a bad temper - but mandy is a lot more tolerant and accepts that position. Which is why I rip you constantly and her supposedly making almost as much money as you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020219) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:29 PM Author: blathering state Hey, I've put a lot of effort into getting her making almost as much as me. It is pretty great from a large number of angles. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020232) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:33 PM Author: jade digit ratio native i have a colleague whose wife also has a job that is beyond her station (they are also Russian incidentally). He keeps talking about how he got her the job because otherwise it would be shameful to him that his wife who is so much less smart and accomplished than him would be so successful relatively. Shame on you insecure Russian pigs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020261) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:47 PM Author: blathering state This is common among Russians. In the USSR there was no concept of the stay at home mother. My grandmother was a radiologist back when in the US the idea of women working was bizarre. My father in law got my mother in law some of her jobs too. Same idea too: the guy becomes some technical expert in something, then the wife, who isn't, can learn some basics and for the tough shit come to the husband who will explain it and solve the problems that you have to be an expert in the area to solve. Over time, the wife learns the common issues and becomes an expert herself. Look, everyone has joint bank accounts. It is much easier (and sustainable) to get a $400-500k HHI with the guy making $250ish and the wife making $200ish than the guy making $400k+ and the wife making peanuts. And if the guy loses that job in the latter scenario they're fucked. If I lose my job tomorrow, we'll be ok while I get back setup. Same with my wife. Also, this is why Russians tend to have a much higher HHI. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020356) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:54 PM Author: jade digit ratio native right but the condescending attitudes you guys have with respect to your wives is NBD. I'm not I agree than $250+200 is better than $400 or 450 plus peanuts. Peanuts can always quit and take care of kids. I think you guys are in a pretty good situation, i just think its funny that everyone openly says you are a lot smarter than mandy and you don't disagree. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020393) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:05 PM Author: blathering state "right but the condescending attitudes you guys have with respect to your wives is NBD." Explain why you think we have condescending attitudes. Look, these women may get a hand up but they still do a fairly tough job and do it well. "I'm not I agree than $250+200 is better than $400 or 450 plus peanuts. Peanuts can always quit and take care of kids." And then what? Then you have one income that might go away at any moment, one person who now has a gap in their resume, a strained relationship (person who earns money expects more control over finances over the person who doesn't), a legal system that will DESTROY the person that earns in the event of a divorce and gives the person staying at home a real financial incentive to leave if the going gets even a little tough, etc. No, two incomes at $200k and $250k is better. Also, OP has hired help for the kids anyway even though she earns far less than her husband. For my wife and I, we're just going to hire an au pair. No problem. "I think you guys are in a pretty good situation, i just think its funny that everyone openly says you are a lot smarter than mandy and you don't disagree." I think I'm smarter but she is still pretty smart and she is better looking and very loyal. Russian women tend to demand that their husbands are smarter than they are. This situation is a perfect example of why. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020455) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:22 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy women everywhere tend to want to date/marry up at least slightly in terms of intelligence. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020576) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:27 PM Author: blathering state American women are unusually accepting of marrying men that aren't as intelligent/successful if they're taller or whatever. Look at a Russian woman's face as you tell her of a female executive married to a fireman or whatever. She will react as though the woman is insane or damaged in some serious way. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020630) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:31 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy yeah american women are more like that but i think it makes them unhappier, rather than happier as some feminist narratives would have it. for a smart yuppie woman, it's easier to make peace over time with having a 5'10" husband than an iq 110 guy who does mediocre in his lame sales job. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020671) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:38 PM Author: blathering state For sure. But I know several women that fit this description. Some are obviously miserable, some seem ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020724) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Speaking for myself I can't really imagine being in a relationship with a dumb guy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020744) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse While that's true, it can't be the case that both spouses are always equally bad or equally to blame. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020258) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:36 PM Author: jade digit ratio native but you do seem to repeatedly get into similar situations that contribute to you being unhappy. Maybe you look for someone who seems like they want to take care of you and dad you around - but then are surprised when they end up being controlling. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020277) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am fairly certain this is part of it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020536) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:09 PM Author: blathering state Oh that absolutely can be and often is the case. And even if one pulls ahead temporarily, it often very much evens out over time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020482) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:15 PM Author: Offensive Parlor whoa. whats up old timer? uvt here. unfortunate that you are in this situation, but i more or less agree with Fat Prodding Law Beaver. you basically pursued and achieved the "law shrew dream", of moving to NYC from the midwest, then again across the pond, marrying another "high earning professional". and yet to what end? you should have had the foresight to either never have kids or marry if you are set on being a "travel shrew", or if you were still interested in having a family, then reverse course on aspirations of some jet setting lifestyle sold to you by GC. i've gotten to known quite a few people from the midwest over the years, they tend to be still quite traditional even when they seem to be living an expat lifestyle, so i would guess this also played into why you are in this situation, you are still quite conservative at the core, and you couldn't make the decision to go childless/unmarried. but i agree this guy sounds like an abusive, loser and you should prob divorce pwn him. ignore the likes of that weirdly aggressive pumo and pedestrian, they are abject losers. hope things work out for you, always appreciated you as a poaster. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020134) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:18 PM Author: jade digit ratio native we also havent had good relationship threading in years with all this political posting and weird spaceporn pedo posting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020148) Date: March 31st, 2019 3:30 PM Author: blathering state Agreed. Part of that is we have few normal posters here anymore. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020244) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hai! Thanks for checking in. I can see a lot of sense in what you're saying. It was very hard for me to imagine just being a single person. I wasn't sure about kids but kind of accepted it as part of the deal (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020728) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:21 AM Author: Charismatic home seems cr the problem really seems to be that pretzel still has hidden midwestern values but married an absolute wagecuck who views human value as driven by profit, while as she simultaneously wants to be appreciated for her wealth AND her value as a mother. wealth is not a problem at their income level, even in london, unless that's all your warped 21st c. mind can value because you want more "nice things" and financial numbers to show up your coworkers. doesn't seem like there's a good solution here, except perhaps talking through it calmly and honestly, if that's possible at this point. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039096) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:29 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate wow 400 comments! good job! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020654) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:42 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks! I'm feeling really proud right now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020747) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:50 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate next time someone tries to belittle you, point out that you can get on autoadmit at post a 400+ comment thread any day of the week (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020788) Date: March 31st, 2019 4:59 PM Author: blathering state Right. The thread was all about admitting defeat but instead, it was a massive success! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38020826) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse ILLUSTRATIVE UPDATE I mentioned above that my husband was nasty to me about our daughter tipping over on the escalator and my apparently not jumping to action fast enough. By way of background, I am an extremely anxious mother, I was carefully watching my daughter at the time, and I love her more than anything. The idea that I haven't cared for her properly is very upsetting and my husband would know it. After we got home, I got my daughter's dinner and my husband fucked off somewhere. He came in while she was eating and I was a bit cold to him. He asked in an annoyed way what was wrong. I calmly told him i had thought it was uncalled for to yell at me over that. He responded that I didn't intervene fast enough. I said I had done my best. He doubled down. I raised my voice and asked what I was supposed to do then, because I was being careful and doing my best. He angrily said it was a dangerous situation. I became more shouty. He raised his voice. I became more agitated. Then my daughter shouted at him, "My MUMMY!" a couple of times. He backed down and said he was sorry for yelling but it had been a dangerous situation. My daughter shouted some more. He sort of laughed it off and left. Then she turned to me and said, "mummy, what's wrong?" Nothing about this situation is healthy. I am at a loss about how to avoid these scenes other than just letting him be a dick to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021737) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:42 PM Author: jade digit ratio native That sucks but you also have to try and control your anger in front of your daughter. No need to ever raise ones voice. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021779) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He just acts like a massive jerk, all self-assured and entitled talking down and rarely raises his voice. I think he believes that this gives him moral authority. It's absolutely enraging. How would you respond? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021791) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Actually, I take it back. He yells kind of a lot. But then when he's confronted, he retreats to a smug, snide, authoritative voice that's low but mean, and makes him appear more reasonable even when he's talking absolute nonsense. (I want to say bollocks) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021988) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Like, why would you yell at and criticize your wife under those circumstances? If called out on the unfairness of this, why would you not apologize for hurting her feelings? Clearly if your wife is fucking neurotic about your child's safety, you're not going to make her more careful by doing this. You're just being mean and venting your spleen, and you will just make her feel worse about not doing as well as she could have. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021848) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:20 PM Author: jade digit ratio native i guess the only thing I can say from his perspective is that you approach the issue as if being neurotic and sensitive and reactive to his shittiness is a given that cannot be helped. You were rightly annoyed with him earlier, but this incident started because you were cold to him hours later. While overall i think you are in the right, knowing you and knowing what you have said about him, if you are trying to get through this in a way that works out, you may want to examine how you respond to things and whether you are able to confront him in a manner that does not let him dismiss you as irrational or unreasonable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022513) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:29 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Actually, it was less than an hour after he yelled at me. I just thought of describing the incident here hours later. How would you suggest raising something like this with someone who himself cannot tolerate being called out on his shittiness? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022963) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:23 AM Author: jade digit ratio native You have to call them out but you need to remain calm the entire time. At some point you need to make this clear that his disrespect for you is untenable and that regardless of whether or not he thinks he is right, he needs to treat you respectfully in public and in private and think about the feelings of his wife before he opens his mouth. Frame it as you two can have different views on housing and childcare and responsibilities, but no matter what he needs to be a decent person. If you can stay calm it helps a lot more. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023145) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:27 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Is this what you mean with all the comments about how you know what I'm like? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023157) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:30 AM Author: jade digit ratio native sorry I dont follow. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023163) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:42 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh, sorry, you may not have said exactly that. You said this: knowing you and knowing what you have said about him, if you are trying to get through this in a way that works out, you may want to examine how you respond to things and whether you are able to confront him in a manner that does not let him dismiss.... I am not clear what I would do that makes it easy to dismiss me other than show emotion. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023186) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:49 AM Author: jade digit ratio native if you cry, yell or otherwise lash out, even if he deserves it, he will focus on your reaction and not the substance of what you have to say. Don't give him that excuse. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023214) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:51 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Your descriptions make me sound like a crazy person. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023222) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:54 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy no just like a human. but he's right--showing intense negative emotion in a visceral way, though probably justified, will be used against you. so try to be calm about the feels (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023233) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:01 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Swallow the feels. Ok, thanks! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023250) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:57 AM Author: jade digit ratio native you are a woman and you react how women do when you are upset. Nothing wrong with that, but I'm asking you to be better, just for a little bit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023242) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:31 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, if I do remain calm and he continues to be an asshold (high likelihood), what do you suggest I do? He knows I basically don't even have an ability to leave him for at least six months so I have no leverage. Hurting my feelings doesn't matter to him at all if he believes my feelings are irrational, which he inevitably does given they don't correspond with his worldview (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023165) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:33 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy this six month thing is kind of odd. seems like you should always have liberty to say "nah not doing this, we'll do the divorce thing" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023168) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:43 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Not as simple as it sounds (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023190) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:46 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you'd get a good job there or somewhere else anyway; is custody the concern? otherwise don't know that i'd wait six months to have the tough global discussions you two should probably be having soon. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023195) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:54 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's kind of complicated but suffice it to say that the alternative options are far inferior to sticking around for a few more months. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023232) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:02 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i think i might be understanding this better now. you feel trapped and unable to have the kinds of conversations that are obviously necessary, so now you feel trapped and desperate. i don't know how to fix that, necessarily, but still seems to me that you might as well ask him: what job do you think i should be aiming for? his answer could be interesting and you've made no commitment of any kind, right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023252) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:26 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He has said in house at a bank. I don't actually think doing investigations (what I would be best suited to) would actually pay that well or be as family friendly as my job, which I told him. Are you suggesting I should try to do thinks his way and submit to the situation for a while? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023336) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:25 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy is applying for those jobs and doing an interview or two actually "submit[ting]"? i think you can shop yourself a bit, and the more you learn, the more concrete you can be about what the salaries would be and what the work/life balance would be like. unfortunately, sounds like lawyering just isn't that lucrative in london/paris/tokyo whatever; you guys would conceivably be better off in madison or milwaukee not even accounting for cost of living. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025069) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He can't work there without a huge opportunity cost and more education! Nothing is lost by shopping around for jobs except I might be pressured into taking a different job that I don't really want. Also, I think usually it takes two years or something for your rights for things like maternity leave to vest and supposedly he wants more kids. (He will be fully aware of this, which is part of why I think he just likes to put me down). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025431) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:33 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy if your marriage was a good one (doesn't sound like it), the opportunity cost and llm might be worth it. he can't actually compel you to take an offer you don't want. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025509) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:48 AM Author: jade digit ratio native what does 6 months have to do with anything? Have you ever had a discussion about him being a jerk to you and why he does it without you getting agry and yelling or crying? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023206) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:50 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm pretty sure I have. It's like talking calmly into the ether. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023220) Date: March 31st, 2019 9:35 PM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Sounds like you're mouthy and need to be put in your place (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022049) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:35 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman see this is an example where you escalated the situation unnecessarily by being cold and raising your voice. not to say your husband wasnt a dick for yelling too, but it seems to me that you need to look inside to see what youre doing to exacerbate this situation, as i reckon there is much more to it than your husband just randomly being an ass all the time (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022602) Date: April 1st, 2019 12:04 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022727) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. How would you have addressed the situation instead? I defended myself in the moment but he was only mean and angry then. I raised it calmly later and he did not care to examine his behavior or to consider that he might have been wrong. I don't really respond well to being angrily yelled at and criticized when I have not done anything bad so I'm not sure it's realistic to constantly suck it up and approach him warmly and sweetly when this happens. Is this what you think I should do? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022975) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:37 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy I’m not sure he was being as vicious in this instance as you inferred. Do consider that you seem to be a rather sensitive person, as others have noted. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022992) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:54 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He yelled VERY angrily and did not back down even a little when I defended myself. Maybe he was motivated by concern for our daughter but it only manifested itself as anger at my incompetence. And it was in front of a bunch of people. I think it was a slight scene the way he yelled (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023053) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:02 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy it sounds like you both yell at each other and should try to stop doing that. yelling is common in romantically intimate relationships, but isn't a pleasant, good, or productive thing. i imagine your counselor told both of you all of this; what did he have to say? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023091) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:09 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My belief is that I only yell when he does something mean to me. The counselor basically said I should stand up for myself and ignore a lot of his shit. But she also said to him that he is abusive. He felt she was exaggerating. In our sessions he kept calm and I shouted a bit but the counselor still surmised that he was quite unreasonable. He likes to behave in a superficially reasonable way while doing things that are emotionally cruel. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023115) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:23 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'm not saying that you're unjustified when you retaliate by yelling (look i've done that plenty in the kinds of situations you've described--you can be an asshole without ever raising your voice, so i think morally it's fine to call that out plainly)--i'm just saying i wouldn't expect good results to come from it, and he'll view himself as being under attack when you do (indeed i've turned the tables on abusive sociopaths myself, and i know they really hate that and feel like they're the one with a legitimate gripe) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023147) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:49 AM Author: Offensive Parlor "behave in a superficially reasonable way while doing things that are emotionally cruel" that basically sums up English people. i've dated English girls so some of this sounds similar. look, you need to call him out on his shitty ways, and maintain your frame (i.e. not being a little bitch). you might need to wait until after your immigration papers or whatever are finished tho, otherwise he might have too much leverage on you if you both refuse to yield. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023300) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:13 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yeah, I kind of think I need to tell him I will leave him imminently if he doesn't start treating me respectfully, but such threats don't work if they are clearly without basis. The main question is whether I can hold out until then. I already have been kind of too depressed to go to work a few days etc and I can't keep this up for 6 more months if I like having a job. I have seriously considered screwing myself over and leaving. It's SPS to live like this feeling like a dried up old hag who's failing at work and at home and generally being reminded of this at least a few times a week. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023322) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:06 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Like if you witnessed that, what would you think? Toddler and mom holding hand, mom interacting closely with toddler, toddler wipes out and slides toward end of escalator, mom looks a bit panicked but warmly picks toddler up and brushes her off. all is ok. Dad is following with buggy and shouts angrily at mom. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023109) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:09 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'd probably think he was an asshole but my perspective hypothetically in the crowd is not the one that matters. if he's not a sociopath, maybe he was really scared on behalf of his daughter and took it out on you (although of course you yourself love her at least as much and are probably lots better at caring for her). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023114) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. How would you have addressed the situation instead? I defended myself in the moment but he was only mean and angry then. I raised it calmly later and he did not care to examine his behavior or to consider that he might have been wrong. I don't really respond well to being angrily yelled at and criticized when I have not done anything bad so I'm not sure it's realistic to constantly suck it up and approach him warmly and sweetly when this happens. Is this what you think I should do? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022978) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:47 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman You've got a kid, you owe it to her to keep it together in front of her. You can calmly say listen I think I handled the situation appropriately. I don't think it's helpful to be passive aggressive and act coldly if it's bothering you that much. Sounds to me like you are both very stubborn and convinced of your own view of things. At some point you have to just say alright I disagree with your version of events but let's move on. Also that he can take her down the escalator next time if he thinks there's more that can be done to ensure safety. There's nothing to be gained from a shouting match in front of a toddler (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023023) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:59 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I agree a shouting match on front of a toddler is not ok. That's why I used the example. I'm purposely using examples that don't show me in a fully positive light because I am trying not to be biased. The problem I guess is that he's cold as ice, angry, and critical. It's not like he would later counteract this by being warm and cuddly or saying something positive. He feels a lot of anger and believes it's his right to express it toward me. I just don't know what to do with that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023073) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:06 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you both feel that the terms of your marriage are a raw shitty deal. either renegotiate and more openly the next time or exit. it probably won't be helpful to tell him to stop being angry/mean/rude though, because he likely feels (if he's not an unfeeling sociopath) that energy as to him from you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023108) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:09 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman Tbf if he's a lawyer, very high chance he is an unfeeling sociopath (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023117) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:12 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse A counselor I have spoken with has determined he is a narcissist. Not sure how ok it is for them to make these kinds of armchair diagnoses but whatever. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023127) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:13 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023129) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:58 PM Author: blathering state To be fair, she is a lawyer too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026867) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:10 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty. What does this mean? he likely feels (if he's not an unfeeling sociopath) that energy as to him from you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023121) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:16 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023133) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:20 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Eek, sorry for your sister. That must be unpleasant (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023139) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:26 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023153) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:28 AM Author: jade digit ratio native just note here that you say things like: "I don't really respond well to being angrily yelled at and criticized when I have not done anything bad" as if this is the nature of the world and is unchangeable and he needs to deal with it. We are all ultimately responsible with how we deal with stress and sometimes you need to be the bigger person and stop "not responding well" and choose to de-esclate things. I am not saying he deserves it, or that he is right, but you can only control how you act and, to a lesser extent, how you feel. So if you are committed to trying to make it work, you have to be willing to act in the best interests of the relationship - that does not mean be a pushover, but it does mean control your temper and emotional response so that you give him no excuse for disrespecting your and the way you feel. If you can lay it out for him and refuse to get angry, at the very least you can say you did everything you possibly could. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023161) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:40 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023174) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:49 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I see what you mean. I have tried this before, most notably when he insisted on spending all weekend every weekend during the summer doing some construction work on our house when we had a 9 month old baby, with help from a friend. After a couple of weeks I realized that I would not be able to handle this and I calmly explained this. we agreed he would take a certain day off and then when that day came the friend arrived and work continued as usual. He 'forgot'. I mean, maybe I need to try it again just to survive. But he truly doesn't give a shit if I am happy so it doesn't usually matter if I remain calm or not. If he is being disrespectful and I say this he just tells me he's not being disrespectful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023211) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:55 AM Author: jade digit ratio native you tend to take a fatalistic view of things and view yourself as a victim. This might be appropriate, but it's not helpful. Your current attitude leaves no chance to make this work - and maybe that's for the better. But if you want to give it a shot, try again. Really fight to keep your own emotions in check. Set ground rules at the start of the conversation - no yelling, no being dismissive. If he says he is not being disrespectful remind him that you are a human being with feelings that are not that easy to control and that he owes you as much effort as you are trying to put in (by staying calm). Start off by letting him know that you are fundementally unhappy in the situation and let him know exactly why. Frame things in terms of how you feel in reaction to things he does - rather than saying "you are abusive and say shitty things" say "when you chide me about money, you make me feel XYZ" At the very least try to understand his motivations for the way he acts the way he does. Get him to explain why he is such a tyrant about money and remind him that life is about happiness not just striving for efficiency in a way that inconveniences him as little as possible. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023236) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:00 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok, I accept your assessment and recognize the truth in it. I think I lack agency. It does sound like you understand what drives him! I think I do, too, but his angry and lashing out behavior makes it difficult to be sympathetic. This is very good advice, thanks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023247) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:12 AM Author: jade digit ratio native Part of you looking for men to dad you around is because you partially find solace in giving up your agency - if the guy treated you like prince charming - which doesn't exist IRL. I really do feel like I have some insight into the way your husband is, if not his thought process. I swear I am almost exactly the same way except not nearly as bad, and most importantly I am not stubborn or prideful and I don't get angry. I'm cheap and sometimes emotionally manipulative and an aspie control type who thinks I am correct and the rest of the world needs to acknowledge that I am right. The difference is that I have made significant strides in realizing that if I want my wife to be able to tolerate me, I need to rethink the way I treat her and think about her, even if I will never change my mind about the aspie details of life. What worked is constant communication. Talk about how you feel and about how things make you feel all the time. For instance, I get stressed out when my wife changes plans for some reason. She thought I was being selfish and not caring about what she had to do and what she thought. In reality I am an aspie and plan everything 12 steps in advance and so changes in the plan effect all sorts of long term plans - not anything selfish on my part. By explaining this shit in detail we now have an understanding about how I am and how she is and how communication can help resolve differences without hurt feelings. I see similarities between me and your husband and I feel like I have made a lot of progress in being someone easier to get along with. At one point I had to step back and think - you know, I believe i am right, and I still think that - but would anyone want to spend their lives with me when I am constantly critical of what they do, even if I am right? That realization helped. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023271) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:17 AM Author: jade digit ratio native That might be the key now that I think of it. Try to get your husband to step back and reflect on how critical he is of you. How often he rolls his eyes and disapproves of everything you do, because it is not according to his plan, or not exactly the way he would do it. Even if he is objectively right (and he isnt all the time) ask him to think about how it feels to be another person living in this home, bound to a person for the rest of their lives, when that person thinks so critically of them every single day in every single interaction. Does he have any idea how exhausting it is to live life like that for you? I am sure he doesn't. But if he cares about you, it is worth stepping back to consider it. Without thinking about things from your perspective for a bit he will never believe he needs to change anything. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023277) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:23 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think it's a good idea to try this, but I am not 100% convinced it will work. I think a key difference between him and you is that you care about other people's feelings, or at least you are able to weigh such feelings more precisely when determining what you can get away with. I have clearly and calmly told him that it makes me feel angry and bad about myself when he insults my job and salary and that he is not to do it. You can see that he sometimes glories in doing it anyway when he gets on a self-righteous roll. Last week he told me that he feels like my job is a charity we pay into since the pay is so shit. (I just told him to go fuck himself and walked out, which actually worked better than yelling). He was very delighted to think of a novel way to put me down even though I have clearly told him how it makes me feel. His answer is that it SHOULDN'T make me feel that way because it's just a job etc. Additionally, I think you have a sort of patronisingly indulgent perspective on female behavior which you factor in when deciding what might constitute reasonable behavior on your own part. In contrast, my husband's model for womanhood appears to be his mother, who is like a slave to his father and the family with no apparent gratitude for this effort. (She wanted to go back to work after children, but he wouldn't let her. And yet he begrudges her extremely minor purchases and they live like paupers). So I am fairly pessimistic but I think it's probably worth some sort of last ditch effort. The question is timing. I'm not sure I can hold out another 6 months while he continues to treat me like trash. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023331) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:32 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy as i suggested above, maybe you should more concretely show him that the other options he has in mind for you aren't real upgrades. othoh, i don't know what the relevant payscales are, and if you could make 130k in-house at a bank working 40-60 hours a week, maybe that would be a reasonable option. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025115) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Maybe there is no harm in it. Possibly the main issue I have with it is that he makes everything into a personal insult. It's just not nice to know you are in a relationship who thinks nothing of bullying you and putting you down to get their way. And he really does. I know I am not being oversensitive. He definitely insults me to try to humiliate or goad me into doing what he wants. But I suppose your advice is geared toward eliciting a better response (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025331) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:31 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy like i and others have said, you either need to try to think of ways to try to potentially elicit better, or you need to leave. you can do the former before the latter, and that's typically the customary order of operations once you've married, and certainly once you've married and birthed a child. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025487) Date: March 31st, 2019 8:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38021739) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:22 PM Author: jade digit ratio native By the way I read this thread to my wife and she cooked me a nice meal appreciating that I am less shitty than I could otherwise be. This thread is now about Stabby. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022525) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:26 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Congrats! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023337) Date: March 31st, 2019 11:48 PM Author: disturbing balding garrison I'm not one for whiteknighting, but your husband seems incredibly insecure and controlling. Usually chicks say "he was too controlling" or "I'm not happy" and when they list the controlling things it doesn't seem that bad. If what you said is true, what he's doing is narcissistic and incredibly unhealthy. How old is Dotter? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38022656) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:00 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse 2.25 years. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023080) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:11 AM Author: disturbing balding garrison Come up to AK and I'll ditch my fat gf Three thumbes up emojis and winky smiley face (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023122) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:00 AM Author: bossy multi-colored whorehouse Lmao @ xo 2019 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023246) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:32 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse More like xo 2005 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023290) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:35 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy lol pretty sure none of us saw this as our xo 2019 (i was around in 2005 as well). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023292) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:54 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman xo men were all on track to be V10 equity partners banking 3M a year minimum by now xo women were to be sent out to pasture and replaced by the nubile modelesque 20 year olds who desperately wanted to hook up with xo men (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023303) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:58 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy it was a beautiful and pure dream, brother. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023305) Date: April 1st, 2019 9:30 AM Author: blathering state lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023590) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:00 AM Author: disturbing balding garrison (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023306) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:34 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I truly never could have predicted what my life would be like today, nor that I would post such intricate personal details on a racist chat forum as a very grown woman. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023345) Date: April 1st, 2019 9:28 AM Author: blathering state We all feel this way. Especially Doobs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023587) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:29 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate try getting fat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023499) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:35 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Come on man, getting fat won't solve anything...will it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023505) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:40 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate husband could be a secret chubby chaser. you never know (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023508) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:40 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He does sometimes complain that I am too thin but then he complains about everything sooo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023510) Date: April 1st, 2019 9:09 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate there you go. your two best options are to hurt his feelings and/or get fat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38023564) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Top tips on achieving each of these goals? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38024684) Date: April 1st, 2019 1:45 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Rnpy3cC673o (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38024781) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:25 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig or just dump kid on him and bounce more often. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025438) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:29 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ugh but he will ignore her and/or snipe at her all the time. It's bizarre to think of doing an every other weekend dating round. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025472) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:32 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig Would you say he is a bad dad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025506) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:33 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig Would you say he is a bad dad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025512) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is inattentive and critical, but occasionally gushing. He's probably ok as an old fashioned dad who drops in now and then to be a disciplinarian or to provide occasional guidance. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026191) Date: April 1st, 2019 2:45 PM Author: Boyish Unhinged Locale Is this board record thread? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025197) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:17 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig I think she'd do OK even as a 2x divorcee with a kid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025375) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:18 PM Author: blathering state No! Who would date someone like this? Let's discuss. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025386) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:28 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate maybe fratty would (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025468) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:31 PM Author: histrionic hairy legs can confirm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025489) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:34 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate can you imagine being able to go places without everyone laughing at you behind your back because your wife is fat. man (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025526) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:38 PM Author: histrionic hairy legs yes instead I can have everyone on xo mock me for raising another man's child :) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025545) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:40 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy an indian chad's kid, no less. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025563) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:51 PM Author: blathering state I mean no doubt her dating options would improve if her child had an accident off a cliff or something.* *Not legal advice. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025640) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:00 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What you all don't seem to realize is that my child is objectively the most amazing creature who has ever lived. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026147) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:03 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy he has mandy, and a pit bull. he understands that kind of love. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026161) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:27 PM Author: blathering state To be fair, I don't actually have a pit bull. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026302) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:33 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy used to right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026344) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:36 PM Author: blathering state Many years back had a pit bull / rottweiler mix who died of old age. Now, my dog's best friend is a pit bull that we occasionally dogsit. Our dog is a Great Pyrenees. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026365) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:52 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy ic. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026484) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Do you feel your dog is the most precious creature ever to grace the earth? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026516) Date: April 1st, 2019 10:30 PM Author: blathering state Definitely. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028007) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:52 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter Really looking forward to your threads about taking LH's 15 year old daughter and her friends to the pool. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025648) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:58 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025712) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:41 AM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029730) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm quite interested in what the conjecture will be here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025481) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:49 PM Author: blathering state See below. Also, divorced once is bad. But I guess people can make a mistake or be abused or whatever. Divorced twice? lol. How do you even explain that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025632) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:36 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig You're wrong. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025528) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:39 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy someone would date her. a man "worthy" of her, checking all the boxes? perhaps not. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025557) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:49 PM Author: blathering state Exactly. She might be attractive enough for some loser who is basically reaching to accept the flaws. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025631) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:52 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig U r such faggot. She just needs to open it up to divorced dads. There are plenty past 40. She's close to that anyways. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025649) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:55 PM Author: blathering state Hey, hey HEY, there's no reason to really be that mean to her. She's already hurting ITT. Now you're just kicking her while she is down. As an aside, women really are more vicious to other women than men could ever be. I mean Jesus H. Christ. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025675) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:05 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig If I got divorced NOW I'd prefer single dads (ideally just 1 kid). Things change. If I were childless, probably not. This preference isn't really a function of my age, more just a function of my having a kid, which is also LH's situation. And if I got divorced I'm definitely done having kids for life. Don't want kids from multiple dads. Also single dads would have more of a concrete idea of what they're getting vs. no-kidmos. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025750) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:24 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy you'd probably just get married to one of the chad bosses you've lusted after for years but that's neither here nor there as to lh. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025876) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:25 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025886) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:05 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig they all love me yea they're all married or divorced with kids too (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026578) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse BPM is being real. Values change when you are an old with kids. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026140) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:27 PM Author: blathering state Very kind of you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026294) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:56 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i know lots of 40ish women who aren't at all open to that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025681) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:26 PM Author: blathering state The problem is that a lot of women like LH divorce with the expectation that they're going back to where they were before they got married. That, of course, isn't the case. They're older, have a kid, are now divorced, etc. All of those are huge red flags. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025893) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:32 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy women understand declining marketability viscerally and are typically very fearful of it from a very young age (probably no later than 22-25 in most cases; sometimes even in their teens). doesn't mean they'll actually eat the bitter pill when it's the only medicine on offer later. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025954) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:48 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Don't worry, this site has rammed into my head that I have declining marketability and that a woman my age is basically worthless for years. It's probably part of why I was so keen to get married to my current man and just get on with things. So I am not expecting that anyone is going to be interested in me. Quite the opposite! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026046) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean, my own husband apparently thinks I am gross. Why would a random guy with loads of 20 somethings at his doorstep give me the time of day? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026052) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:51 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy random 45 year old dad would. don't know if you're open to that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026060) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse You lost me at 'random'. I don't think online dating is going to be for me. Not that you mentioned this, but it's kind of how people meet randoms now? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026151) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:05 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i don't know that meeting a harvard grad on match would necessarily be such a bad thing for you. just try to find someone who comes from humble beginnings like yourself (i mean that as a tribute, not an insult) next time and you might do better. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026168) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:02 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i also don't think your husband thinks you're gross. i think the two of you massively resent one another, and he doesn't like sleeping with women in that fact pattern (that might actually speak well of him--sex should be an act of love, ideally, right?). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026156) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:30 PM Author: blathering state LOL, I could be MAF at my wife and if she says "we're having sex" then it is happening. This isn't really an excuse here and I don't get why it "speaks well of him." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026323) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:32 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy my preference has always been to end a night in tranquility (no one mad, sex, sleep). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026336) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:55 PM Author: blathering state Yes, we have a rule that we don't go to bed fighting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026849) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:05 PM Author: jade digit ratio native https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/63968241.jpg (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026169) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm just venting my frustration! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026197) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:14 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you do have a pattern to your frustration venting! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026208) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Well, it's quite shit and it's something I have been insecure about for a long time so that's not so surprising. To be sadly honest, reassurance from people who haven't seen me in years would just be false flattery when I am obviously aging and the realities of modern dating are harshly against my favor. I don't care if this is self pitying, I'm owning it! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026231) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:22 PM Author: jade digit ratio native imagine how the other late 30's women feel when a twice married 100 pound woman who looks younger than them complains about her looks being the reason she won't be able to find a(nother) man. We are all obviously aging - it's a matter of degree. I have a little less hair and more grey hair than I did 8 years ago, but I am happy with the way I look. You should probably be too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026256) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:31 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh it's not just about that. I am thinking of the whole package. It's odd to imagine men being disgusted by who I am and what I have experienced. I think overall I am ok for my age and I feel pretty good about that, and fortunate in many ways. But it's not like dating is great for divorced moms in their late 30s. Or anyone. Christ, online dating etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026329) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:36 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy it's not disgust. universal approval from the opposite sex is something only fairly young fairly pretty fairly smart women can reasonably expect--men on the other hand are generally pretty used to rejection, recognize it's a numbers game, and try to grind through and find a decent one. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026369) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:22 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy it's not as bad as you're making it out to be depending on whom you're looking to meet. i know 40ish women who worry about whether a 7 year age gap is "too big" (in one case, in the context of a guy who had recently dated a few 25 year olds) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026257) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse To be honest, meeting someone else sounds exhausting at this stage. I have been having unfortunate crushes on people in my proximity recently and it's quite pathetic. Thus far all have been a couple of years younger, which doesn't bode well for my future in the event I do get divorced. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026399) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:44 PM Author: jade digit ratio native the weight of this 700 post thread has caused it to collapse on itself and the time dilation is now causing posts from 2009 to appear! Either that or time is a flat circle... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026428) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It took me too long to understand this joke. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026466) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:46 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy one of them might be interested; would hardly be unprecedented. just wouldn't count on it. meeting someone can be hard and sometimes that's just reality. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026441) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, it's how people here are making it out to be! It's definitely strange to think about dating dudes who have such a wide age range! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026434) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:49 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy 7 years blows your mind? you wouldn't be the only woman with that perspective (like i said i have irl friends who share it to some extent), but seems strange. 40 year old women with 50 year old men isn't an uncommon sight, and sometimes they got married at e.g. 35/25 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026461) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean guys who date women who are 25 to 38. Seems like the choice is clear :-/ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026483) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:54 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you will probably have better luck long term with a 45 year old divorced guy than the 32 year old guys from work who flirt with you and who you may have a crush on. But you should probably focus on trying to fix things with your husband - give it the 6 months at least. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026498) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:55 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy this is all true. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026507) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:57 PM Author: jade digit ratio native and stop flirting and considering your alternatives while trying to fix shit with your husband. This one foot in, one foot out bullshit never works and is a type of self sabotage. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026520) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:59 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy that's very true too and the most important part. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026526) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:09 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What! How dare you accuse me of flirting! These sorts of thoughts have only really been bubbling up very recently, following years of trying desperately to get him to care about hurting me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026597) Date: April 1st, 2019 7:02 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Remember you can only control what you feel and what you do. Removing your own agency and framing this as him doing something to you is not productive, even if his behavior is primarily in the wrong. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026891) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Wtf! More like 36. Things are truly on life support now. Aren't you worried about the fact that he constantly intentionally puts me down? What do you think the chances are of fixing things with someone who fits the profile I have described? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026525) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:03 PM Author: jade digit ratio native i can say the chances are 0% if you are lining up alternatives or considering cheating while you address the problems in your marriage. You guys need to communicate and you need to have a in depth conversation about what sort of criticism is okay and in what measures, and what is overly hurtful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026564) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:07 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy they also need to get real and agree within the next year on what kind of job she should have. otherwise hard to see the marriage working. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026590) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:11 PM Author: jade digit ratio native while her job is a bit of a hobby job (personal fulfillment for her, not $$$ for them), lol at him making $200K and lording over her $75K job when he does not contribute to childcare. He is probably just insecure that he can't support his family on his own. If she wants to twist the knife on the way out, she could just call him a loser for wanting kids and a wife who is focused on caring for them, but not being man enough to support his family, and hiding behind his Brahmin judgmental sociopathy is not fooling anyone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026606) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:14 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i don't substantively disagree, but my point is that their needs to be a meeting of the minds between the two of them on this subject that hasn't happened yet, or otherwise the odds of creating or recreating a tolerable marriage are basically nil. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026625) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:36 AM Author: blathering state tcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028617) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:55 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy your age isn't your only salient attribute (claiming that it's not salient at all like say julia basically has in the past would of course be retarded), and there are some benefits to dating closer to one's own age anyway. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026502) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:00 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig but are they divorcees with kid(s) who are done having kids? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026532) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:54 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy to be frank, my smv is at a very low ebb relatively speaking (for guys it's weirdly related to how much money you have on hand, who knew?), but pretty sure if i knew of a lonely hunter irl i'd still stick to the 22 year old dating app girls to see whether i might find a smart one with a genuine interest (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025669) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:42 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Jesus Christ. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026013) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:48 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy different guys value different things though, and gunt's right that divorced dads would be good targets (many of them would also prefer to date someone who is familiar with the rigors of parenting) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026044) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:56 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026852) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:19 PM Author: blathering state Not yet, but we can keep this going. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025395) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:25 PM Author: jade digit ratio native it's probably close to a record for a thread with almost no blank bumps. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025439) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:52 PM Author: blathering state Some election threads in 2016 were insane. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025644) Date: April 1st, 2019 4:38 PM Author: histrionic hairy legs it's not even the longest thread in the last month (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025989) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:57 PM Author: blathering state It isn't over yet! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026861) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:18 PM Author: blathering state LH, if you could buy a performance SUV, which one would you buy? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025391) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't even have a car! If I wanted to do this I would need to do loads of research. The only one I can think of is a Jeep Cherokee so maybe that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025455) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:48 PM Author: blathering state Why not at least a Grand Cherokee? Or maybe a BMW X5? In Europe you have a X5 available as an M50d or an Audi SQ7. Both are great options! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025625) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I would probably just buy whatever do recommended as the best option. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026240) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:25 PM Author: blathering state do? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026282) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Xo. Autocorrect. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026339) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:37 PM Author: blathering state Ok, when the time comes we'll be here for you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026372) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:54 PM Author: thriller property Is he from a middle-class English family? Elite education? I saw above that he's half-indian. I've met a few of those types. Obsessively class-conscious, stiff, and insecure. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025662) Date: April 1st, 2019 3:58 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i've visited england once and have like two indian american friends and i can still have a strong sense of what the guy is like based only on that and what she's already said here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38025708) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:49 PM Author: nofapping stag film why would any non-turd marry a turd. their entire culture is founded on cruelty and manipulating others into a station from which they can be cruel without consequence. don't you lawyers do due diligence? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026464) Date: April 1st, 2019 7:12 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy some of the nicest people i know are indians. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026940) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:04 PM Author: nofapping stag film are they SCHOLARLY -- i.e. well educated for 3+ generations, hippie leftists ljl at your average 7-11 owner or IT consultant piperapist being "nice" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38027208) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:09 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy wonder how often you get out--non-scholarly brahman parents; kids don't necessarily pick up every parental eccentricity, and the parents seemed very nice notwithstanding their eccentricities. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38027237) Date: April 1st, 2019 10:09 PM Author: nofapping stag film i live IRL breh. there are no unicorn "nice hindoostanis" out here (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38027902) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:38 AM Author: Translucent windowlicker (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029709) Date: April 1st, 2019 5:59 PM Author: dead church building dysfunction lol @ a certain person's level of participation ITT (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026528) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:00 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026537) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:06 PM Author: jade digit ratio native (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026580) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:02 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy it's actually kind of heart-warming right? and good thing box is too busy making rock music to still poast. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026557) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:56 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026856) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:08 PM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Stfu already you crazy bint (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026594) Date: April 1st, 2019 6:22 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes LH, I’m truly sorry you’re having a hard time. I’d divorce him the soonest chance you get and don’t warn him such that he can block you or try to get custody. He sounds like a bad father too and your daughter is better off with just you in a stable environment where the parents aren’t either yelling or passive aggressively giving each other the cold shoulder (can speak from personal experience of my childhood). Edit: I had a chance to actually read the thread instead of skimming. I still think you should leave him, but I don’t think it’s so easy given that he’s the breadwinner and you will need support (from family, if possible) if you end up being a single parent. Ideally you move closer to your family and they help you with childcare. But that is complicated in that he probably won’t let you leave the country without a fight. Again, I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. Since becoming a mother, the primary thing I value is a man’s ability to be a good father and he sounds like the type of person who enjoys the status of being a “family man” but doesn’t contribute any meaningful childcare. At the same time, he doesn’t actually make enough money to be a proper provider such that you can quit your job. The worst of all worlds. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38026690) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:23 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hey, thanks! Yes, I am very worried about messing up my poor daughter. A lot of people here are encouraging me to keep trying to fix the relationship. Is there any particular reason why you think I should just cut my losses now? He's very vindictive and no doubt would feel like a victim in the event I left, so I'm sure you're right that the safest strategy would be to blindside him even though this seems very shitty to me. He has signalled to me that he would not be afraid to use our daughter to punish me, and he would probably try to get custody so he could avoid paying child support. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028871) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:49 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes How many people telling you to stay are parents? Earl isn’t and TMF is the last person you should listen to on matters involving children. I am telling you to leave because it’s in the best interest of your daughter. At some point your daughter is going to be older and realize that her father sucks. He sounds exactly like my father - enjoys the status that having a wife and children confers on him but does not take care of the child. Its better for men to be reluctant to have a child because they don’t want to the responsibility instead of pushing for them and then expecting someone else to take care of them. And on top of that, he’s cheap and doesn’t want to pay for childcare but he also doesn’t want to lose your income for you to stay home. Being annoyed with and losing your temper and not spending time bonding with your child is not normal. I’m not even focusing on his behavior toward you because even if that’s being a jerk, I don’t consider it abusive and you’re an adult. Not enough people focusing on the fact that he’s a bad father. If he was involved with her and a good one, I would tell you to work on your marriage. But he’s not so I’d cut your losses now. Btw, my dad wasn’t having sex with my mother because he was cheating on her. So what is he doing when he’s out of the house? Or maybe he’s actually gay. Who knows. Your daughter is going to realize that her parents hate each other and think that’s a normal dynamic. That is extremely damaging for children to be in that sort of environment long term. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029444) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:34 AM Author: jade digit ratio native I'm not suggesting she stay, but I do see a lot of myself in how she described him. He's much worse, but similar to the way I used to approach things. I talk, I listen and I got better. I don't think he will have the same interest in trying to change like I did because of his temper, his defensiveness, and it sounds like he doesn't love or respect her enough, but I think it's worth having the conversation to see if he's just super aspie instead of a little aspie. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029691) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:38 AM Author: blathering state XO (and indeed, modern society) underestimates the harm that comes from divorce. Before she does this (which will make everyone poorer and make everything a huge mess), they should probably really try to avoid this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029713) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:01 PM Author: jade digit ratio native even if the dude is partially right, if he does not respect LH she should not have to live with it. Most people have no idea how exhausting it is to be around someone who does not respect or support you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029832) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:46 PM Author: blathering state It also sounds like he is having serious career issues and probably in a terrible mood and taking it out on her. Everyone here is a lawyer who probably has some idea how this goes. The key is that a) he recognizes that he is doing it and try to improve, and b) that he has some plan to fix his career. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030606) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He got some very good career news Friday and he has already been less of a dick. Not sure whether it will last. It concerns me that this is what he reverts to when his career is in bad shape. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030786) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:22 PM Author: blathering state Look, hopefully it doesn't get in bad shape again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030798) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse But he isn't even that nice, just not psycho. Though TBF I could probably live with this level of dickishness. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030808) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:34 PM Author: blathering state Look, I've seen below that you've been together for at least 7 years. Can't you talk to him and be like "please be nice to me."? Honestly, my wife has done this before and it worked. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031164) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:17 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is being kind of nice right now in response to me basically doing that. However, I am not convinced he is able to sustain the nicer behaviour. I think he wants me to instantly forgive him and forget about all of the cruel things he has said and done. I can see that he senses I am losing interest in the relationship, and this led to his blowing up at me last night. (And even though he supposedly is being nicer, my telling him I am depressed last night just pissed him off and led to implicit threats he will leave) I have asked him to be nicer in the past with mixed results. He usually just thinks I am lying about my feelings being hurt to hassle him or something. For example, when I was pregnant we had lodgers to help pay the mortgage. He was afraid if the lodgers knew I was pregnant they would move out. Therefore, if I ever talked about my pregnancy in a common area where it could conceivably be overheard (say over dinner) he would angrily glare at me and shush me. This made me feel very bad because I was kind of freaked out about being pregnant and I wanted to talk about it and process all the things that were happening, and I thought it would help me become more excited I told him this was hurtful and why but he ignored me and kept doing it for several months and bullied me into going along with it. We didn't tell them until I was several months along. I guess if I just wanted to avoid conflict I could have pretended that the pregnancy was a disgusting shameful secret only to be discussed in our bedroom late at night, so there is a way in which I could be blamed for this. A couple years later he admitted that maybe he had been wrong and I wasn't exaggerating when I told him my feelings. But at the time he just acted on the basis that I was being an irrational bitch. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035190) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:28 PM Author: blathering state "I am not convinced he is able to sustain the nicer behaviour" LOL, one time my wife said "please be nice to me" and I became super-nice. Her response was "hold up, pace yourself. You can't keep this up, so let's keep it sustainable". Also, you're one of those people that resurrect fights from years ago, aren't you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037895) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:49 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes His issue is insecurity. You’re not insecure so even though you think you’re right all the time, you don’t have the same need to win or appear right all the time. It’s not the aspieness that is problem, it’s the insecurity. She can’t fix his insecurity and insecurity in men leads to lashing out to overcompensate whereas female insecurity leads to meekness. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029778) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:00 PM Author: jade digit ratio native his insecurity is due to being a brahmin poor who cant provide for his family, so he deflects blame. You don't think people can get over that? LH should also try to work on the self pity, but I guess we've been telling her that for 13 years. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029829) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:05 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My self pity derives from insecurity. I think I am incompetent and ugly and dumb so I never think I can overcome whatever issue it is I am facing. (Ie I feel i lack agency) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029844) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:10 PM Author: jade digit ratio native and you have not put any more effort into changing that than you husband has into listening and being more respectful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029875) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I really have! It's probably most evident at work. Deciding not to be insecure and accept yourself with your flaws isn't that easy though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030443) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:23 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes No he can’t get over it because he’s probably already 40 or close to it and isn’t making partner and is going to be wagecucking until death to fund a barely upper middle class lifestyle. I assume he’s not relying upon an inheritance if he’s this cheap about money. Hard for men to come to terms with disappointment and failure when they had delusions of grandeur. Just look at xoxo. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029936) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:27 PM Author: blathering state "Hard for men to come to terms with disappointment and failure when they had delusions of grandeur. Just look at xoxo." I can't think of any examples on here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029950) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:30 PM Author: jade digit ratio native the difference is your are married to mandy who is more like a puppy than a woman. LH is more like a cat. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029963) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:33 PM Author: blathering state She absolutely has a dog personality. So do I. Marriage and people with cat personalities are destined for serious problems and likely divorce. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029976) Date: April 3rd, 2019 2:54 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oops nm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035835) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:25 PM Author: blathering state lol, legit curious as to what this originally said. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037887) Date: April 1st, 2019 8:05 PM Author: nofapping stag film If the guy is not even a doctor, just a $200kfag then there is no justification for acting like an acidulous faggot. ATD immediately (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38027216) Date: April 1st, 2019 10:16 PM Author: twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage Posting in a historic thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38027936) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:23 AM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster the fuck happened to this thread. nuke it into oblivion (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028572) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:37 AM Author: blathering state Why? This is solid content. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028622) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:39 AM Author: Galvanic field milk No one cares. I would tell you to get help but you're obviously not ready to take responsibility for the role you've played so help won't do you any good (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028631) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:04 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This is a bit nonsensical. what kind of help? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028964) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:12 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse By the way, to those of you saying that the higher earner should get the most say over decisions, I think that is quite fucked up and patriarchal. I know the preference here is to say the concept of patriarchy is bullshit, but the more I get wrapped up in family life, the more I see it. Ladies are the ones who have to have babies and whose careers therefore will most likely suffer as a result of bearing children. I also happen to believe it is natural for children and mothers to want to spend a lot of time together. And caring for children is quite exhausting and difficult. Therefore, in most cases the lady will be the lower earner but she still adds a great deal of non-pecuniary value to the household (and society). To say that the higher earner should make the decisions because they are out earning money is utter fucking bullshit and ignores the essential role of women in the family structure. We live in a world where women are just as intelligent and well-educated as men. They make compromises on career for family by necessity and should not be treated as nonequal partners because they have had the good grace to do this. Leaning in is also bullshit that just perpetuates the idea that women can have it all if they just work harder and smarter. Fuck that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028989) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:15 AM Author: wonderful new version Tell me about yourself. I didn’t really start poasting until 2009 or so and don’t know anything about you. Edit: Or figure out some way to entertain me in the 5-10 mins it’ll probably take me from now to get to sleep. Btw your logic fails to consider cases in which the couple bears no children and alsp fails to take into account the DEGREE of income separation vs the DEGREE of domestic/familial sacrifice. Also, frankly yhere is something to be said about being in charge of making decisions regarding the money you earned (or mostly earned), regardless of domestic sacrifice. Maybe stay-at-home moms can decide on what tp feed the kids for lunch. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38028991) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:07 AM Author: blathering state "Maybe stay-at-home moms can decide on what tp feed the kids for lunch." Even more. I suspect that LH would be outraged if her husband felt equally entitled to dictate how the children should be raised given that he contributes far less. Why would it be any different with finances? You get more say in areas that are "yours". (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029113) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:04 AM Author: blathering state "By the way, to those of you saying that the higher earner should get the most say over decisions, I think that is quite fucked up and patriarchal." It is not. There is a male poster here married to a doctor that earns way more than him and takes this approach. A bunch of us told him tough shit, that's life too. Don't like it? Earn more. But pretty much no one is going to be cool with the idea of lopsided earnings but equal say in spending. "I know the preference here is to say the concept of patriarchy is bullshit, but the more I get wrapped up in family life, the more I see it." Protip: many successful females have kids too. I know two at work where their husband largely stays home. I expect they get more say in financial matters too. "To say that the higher earner should make the decisions because they are out earning money is utter fucking bullshit and ignores the essential role of women in the family structure" idgi, you have an au pair/nanny anyway. It isn't like you stay home with the kid. You have a job, just not one that pays well. "Leaning in is also bullshit that just perpetuates the idea that women can have it all if they just work harder and smarter. Fuck that." So is the idea that women have equal say in spending. Generally, men have been head of the household, king of the castle, etc. This is what I hate about feminism - it wants to have it all ways but always in favor of the female. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029105) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:40 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I should possibly qualify this by saying that this is most salient in the context of a family with children. 1. It's also not ideal for that male poster to have to cede decision-making authority to his higher-earning wife. 2. Obviously there will be exceptions. I am talking of the usual dynamic, which is the lady's career takes the backseat. 3. My job is amazingly flexible and I am always the main person looking after our daughter and ensuring her needs are met even with the au pair. 4. No, it's not all in favor of the female to say this. Both partners should respect and be grateful for the other's contribution. Decisions should be made on a mutual basis. Having to be the primary caretaker of the children is something that usually falls to women and they should not be punished for this. Your model presupposes some sort of benevolent dictator who can choose to grant his wife's wishes sometimes. Fuck that. What about a situation with an unreasonable breadwinner? The wife is just supposed to accept his decisions because he makes more money? Even though she may work longer hours doing a job and all the childcare? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029411) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:56 AM Author: blathering state At this point, I'm not even sure it is that much more common that the lady's career takes the back seat. In my office, I know more semi-employed or unemployed husbands raising kids than vice versa. The reality though, is that YOU want this because working hard sucks. But you don't want to give him credit for doing that. By the way, when we have kids I have the WFH job, so while we'll have an au pair I'll be dealing with more crap than my wife. And in general, everyone should have an understanding on the value of their contributions. I'm not saying it should be to the penny or whatever, but in general, I can totally see your husband's POV here. And yes, women that don't pull their weight should understand that they will have less say in spending. "What about a situation with an unreasonable breadwinner? The wife is just supposed to accept his decisions because he makes more money? Even though she may work longer hours doing a job and all the childcare?" She should understand that he makes more money but he should also understand her preferences and they should come to a consensus on decisions given the overall framework of their contributions. If that isn't working they should come to an agreement on how contributions should be adjusted so everyone is comfortable. That might mean him focusing less on career and more on childcare, for example, and her focusing more on career and less on childcare. However, I suspect in your case you don't actually want this. You want to have it all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029460) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:10 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Where i live you have a right to one year mat leave and most people do this because it's obviously better for the children. Even just for biological reasons like breastfeeding This very obviously has a greater impact on the wife's career if you're putting the children first. I personally didn't want children in part because I really didn't want to have to balance career and a family. I definitely know it's best for my daughter to be able to spend more time with me than for me to give my all to my job. And my husband isn't very attentive to our daughter so it definitely has to be me. I am the kind of person who would give my all to my job. I like doing well and I fucking hate having to rush home to see my baby. However that's what I do because I love her and I am putting her needs first. Though I love my job I don't think another, higher paying role would be as compatible with family life as this one. It's pathetic to say that a woman who puts her children first should be punished by having less say over household finances. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029525) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:16 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin "I am the kind of person who would give my all to my job. I like doing well and I fucking hate having to rush home to see my baby." this is probably the most mentally ill and irredeemably selfish statement in the ocean of mental illness and selfishness that is this thread. no wonder your husband hates your fucking guts (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029564) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:19 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Way to misrepresent what I said. I love spending time with my daughter. I despise having to balance these competing priorities. The difference is that my husband doesn't make this compromise. And apparently he should be rewarded by making all our financial decisions too! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029592) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:23 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman he's making all the money that allows you to live your lifestyle, of course he doesnt make this compromose. jfc! if youre cool ditching the au pair and living a lower middle clsss existence with your husband in a similar lifestyle job as you then thats one thing, but somehow i doubt that would be ok for you as well (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029618) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:29 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin at their income level, all the extra money should go to the kid or to savings. whichever wants to waste more on themselves should have the lesser say (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029656) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:37 AM Author: blathering state I don't think we really understand their financial state. If she makes $75k, he could be making only $200-300k and if they're living in say, London they're definitely not wealthy. I suspect that this is a major part of the problem here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029695) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Really? I don't make any money that contributes to the household? That actually would be ok for me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029686) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:38 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman the harsh truth is that 75k isnt much of a contribution. if the job makes you happy, thats fine but you should understand its a luxury, and its being massively subsidized by your husband's work commitment to make more money. everyone would probably be better off if you just stayed at home. no idea what your husband thinks of that idea, but thats my objective view of the situation (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029715) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:45 AM Author: blathering state He only makes $200k. The difference between $200k and $275k/year HHI is substantial in a major urban area. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029761) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:57 AM Author: jade digit ratio native the issue is she could make $90K easily. Should she? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029811) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:01 PM Author: blathering state God these numbers all suck. That's not enough of a difference to really move the dial. But at $75k vs. $90k lifestyle and long term progression matters more than the $15k. If $75k is a prestigious gov job she is probably better off staying there unless she can get something in-house for like $130k or something. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029835) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:03 PM Author: jade digit ratio native there is no inhouse for litigators in Europe. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029839) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:07 PM Author: blathering state Nor in the US or anywhere else. But presumably she is in a gov job to get a specialization that isn't shittigation, right? Or at least that should be her game plan. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029858) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:10 PM Author: jade digit ratio native she is probably a consumer advocate or housing advocate or some kind of government job like that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029868) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:14 PM Author: blathering state She said it was prestigious, so I assume it is something more desirable than that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029900) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:18 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin I don't suppose she could just ask the current job for a raise? They probably have laws against doing that in whatever socialist pit she lives in. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030184) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:15 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I just got a raise! A lot of people didn't. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030457) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:29 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes She should not if the $90k job is going to make her miserable. Maybe $125k+, then misery is more warranted. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029958) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:32 PM Author: jade digit ratio native I think its probably harder for her to just find a job that pays $50K more in Europe. Everything is compressed for lawyers who arent working for US firms. Which is why I dont think her job is unreasonable, but she should still acknowledge she is doing it for her and not for them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029970) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:37 PM Author: blathering state They both have to give and have an honest conversation with each other about what that will look like. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030005) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:36 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin I don't know what taxes and childcare costs are like in the UK but between the two is she even making ANY money from her $75K job? I said way above how $125K should be the magic number but that was based on American costs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029998) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:52 PM Author: blathering state "I said above how $125K should be the magic number but that was based on American costs" Seems wrong. An Au Pair costs like $1-2k/month. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030059) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:59 PM Author: jade digit ratio native it's not a 1 to 1 trade off. If you only make what childcare costs, you are working just to avoid spending time with your kid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030094) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:03 PM Author: blathering state I understand that. But I have trouble understanding how you get to a point where you only make what childcare costs. Also, you have to consider the fact that having nothing on your resume destroys your long term career too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030109) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:03 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin your talking to TMF (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030110) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:11 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin I get that you place no value on the time a parent spends raising their child, either from the child's or the parent's perspective, but that's not how normal people think. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030146) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:09 PM Author: blathering state That is obviously a personal call but then people should say "yes, I am foregoing X amount of money for purely personal reasons" and the couple should decide that together. Sounds like that isn't the approach they're taking, and everyone prefers a two-income household. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030727) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:26 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin how is your trash job at all a competing priority over your daughter other than that it is necessary for you to provide for her? your statement should have literally been the opposite: "I fucking hate every second at spend at my job because it is a second I don't get to spend with her". You like "doing well"... just not as a parent. for that you do the minimum necessary and what financial decisions? you wanting to buy some dumbass earrings or wanting to buy your kid extra shoes that she'll wear like 5 times before she outgrows them? financial decisions don't necessarily belong to the highest earner, but they should belong to the person who is better with $. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029635) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:32 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Fuck off. I told my husband that this was a great fear of mine before I had children at his request. You don't get to tell me how to feel about family life. If I have to do a job I will be utterly miserable if I am doing shitty work and that's just how my personality is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029676) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:35 AM Author: blathering state By the way, I respect this and think you're right. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029692) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:38 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin Your right. I don't get to, nor have the ability to, tell you to not be a terrible broken person who values a job in of itself over their child. I would sell my ass on the street every night if it meant I could be a better father and provider for my kids. TMF agrees with your thinking. let that sink in. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029710) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:39 AM Author: blathering state Hey bro, you need some more nails for that cross or what? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029718) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:15 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes First, don’t put too much stock into what the boards has to say about working mothers and spending time with your children. I’m sure you’re a great mother. That said, you need to stop the “I had children at husband’s request” as a cop out. Ultimately if you really didn’t want a child, it could’ve been a hard no and you didn’t have to have one. It was still your choice to have one. And because you made that choice to have a child, it is necessary to make certain sacrifices and put your job on the back burner if it objectively doesn’t pay well enough to warrant putting in the hours. I know you say it’s your personality to care about your job and doing well at it, but you need to rewire your thinking about career. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029902) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ofs and I have dialed it way back. Fortunately my job is insanely family friendly so this is relatively ok. I still can't really just do only my contractual hours. I just mention that I wasn't sure about kids because I am annoyed by my husband's snide attitude and I am explaining some potentially nonobvious difficulties with the idea that supposedly I now have it all with my lazy job. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030482) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:27 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you haven't really given us a realistic picture of what alternative employment options you have - more money and less work wise. your current job is one you want, but it is not the most efficient - that's okay but you gotta realize it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030517) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:36 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have not really explored them much and my husband only actually started suggesting I should get a different job (rather than just complaining about my current job) a week ago. I honestly think he's just enjoyed putting me down more than anything as he has been sad about his career. I have therefore not looked into other options There might be in house options at a financial institution paying like £90k. Not sure a firm would hire me and the hours would be SPS q (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030559) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:39 PM Author: jade digit ratio native and what options are there for less work less or equal pay? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030573) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Uh I don't think there are any. I would really at a loss to identify such an option. Part of the issue, which he would acknowledge, is that my job is quite prestigious so it would be bad for long-term prospects to move to a job that's very low-key. I kind of think part of the problem goes back to ego as well in that when people hear about our jobs they think mine sounds really cool and they just nod with glazed eyed over his. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030679) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:24 PM Author: jade digit ratio native your daughter cant buy shoes with prestige. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031097) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:03 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Why do you HAVE to do more than your contractual hours? You’re not saving lives and there are no emergencies. You have good job security. I bet a lot of it is in your head that you need to be dedicated to your job and be a diligent employee. Hell I pull the “mom card” all the time to leave early and not go on business travel and the US is a lot less tolerant of that sort of stuff than Europe. You have to just let go of your own hang ups about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030689) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:23 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's definitely expected. If he wouldn't complain about /more entertaining me from getting up and going in a bit earlier meeting this expectation would be no problem. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030801) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:34 AM Author: blathering state What is this nonsense? Most women aren't really all about their kids and have other competing priorities. 99% of women that claim to be "all about their kids" are outrageous liars that are purse shopping while leaving their kids with an au pair, sitter or family. A job is always going to be a competing priority. And if you look at stay at home moms, they aren't necessarily even better with the kids. Many of them suck as mothers, wives, etc. LH should be realistic in what her ideal effort is with her kid, how much she wants to rely on external help, what she wants to do with her job, and yeah, the expectations on what her husband does or doesn't do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029689) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:40 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin you literally have done nothing itt other than troll for your own shitty life and demented worldview like you do in every other thread. yea your right, many sahms are shitty parents. also 100% of mothers who say things like "I fucking hate having to rush home to see my baby" are shitty mothers. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029727) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:52 AM Author: blathering state I just have happened to meet an extraordinary people who spout this "I LIVE FOR MY KIDS" bullshit and have it be utter horseshit. IRL, almost no one is like this, so when someone says something honest like "hey, I invested a lot in my career and while I love my kids, I don't want it to turn to shit" I don't think it is fair to say "omg, you HORRIBLE PERSON!" That's like 99% of people. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029788) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:51 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin she makes $75K. her career is shit and she should get the fuck over herself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030052) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:44 PM Author: blathering state She makes almost 1/3 of the HHI (27%) and if her husband lost his firm job (and people do) they could survive on her salary while he got a new job. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030596) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He likes to tell me we couldn't when he points out that he is the breadwinner. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030764) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:24 PM Author: blathering state Savings + your salary couldn't let you survive for say, 6 months? Because if not then that's pretty bad from a financial POV. Presumably he would get severance too but if that was where I was right now, I'd definitely be nervous. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030806) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Of course it could, with no problem at all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030824) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:30 PM Author: blathering state Ok, then maybe you need to show him that. Like look at budget vs. income. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030833) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:26 AM Author: blathering state These days women also get an explicit leg up in the workplace that more than trumps taking some maternity leave. But in general, the value of the contribution and whether it makes more sense to hire external help should be agreed upon by both parties. I will note that being a cheap asshole is generally not a great plan. My wife and I tend to let the other person do what they want within reason, and we take a consensus approach to any major purchase (my expensive BMW involved a ton of back and forth, for example). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029633) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:09 AM Author: chrome queen of the night and I'm sure you feel your husband should have equal say with all parenting decisions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029120) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:11 AM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029122) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:20 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse To be honest, he is an authoritarian dickhead who constantly wants to punish a 2 year old, so no. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029597) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:59 AM Author: dead church building dysfunction get divorced so he can marry someone else. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029260) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:02 AM Author: blathering state I suspect that IRL they're both equally obnoxious. He can't really do better and neither can she. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029268) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:05 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman i think if you want to focus on your career and make tons of money and delegate child care to nannies/daycare/au pairs, then go for it. but you cant have it both ways and take the lifestyle job, rely on your husband for financial needs and expect to have equal say on everything. honestly, thats kind of a bullshit approach, trying to get the best of both worlds. either do whats best for the kid, i.e. SAHM, or go full on career woman and maximize earnings. but bottom line, money is fucking important and there's a ton of pressure on the breadwinner. raising a child isnt easy, i get that, but if you're relying on one person to put bread on the table its reasonable for that person to have final say over financial issues IMO (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029284) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:14 AM Author: blathering state I think her in-between approach can be fine assuming that works for everyone. But you can't really have it all ways where she makes less, expects to get credit for earning as much (she doesn't), also gets credit for "sacrifices for the child" (she is still using daycare/nannies/au pairs), etc. She is trying to set up a head's I win, tails you lose sort of conversation with her husband. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029316) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:19 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman i basically agree with this. my point was more that if youre saying youre taking a lifestyle job to 'focus on the child' then go all the way and just stay home. if you value the job, thats fine, but then you need to accept that its a luxury and i think its fine for the breadwinner to want greater say on financial issues given the relative contribution (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029322) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:23 AM Author: blathering state I think you end up with that conversation no matter what. If she stays home and earns nothing, she gets even greater say on childcare and he gets even greater say on finances. This isn't never-never land and choices have consequences. She wants a setup where she gets whatever she wants with zero consequences. It doesn't work that way. And if she gets divorced, the truth is that most end up poorer despite the system being stacked against men. Men have less incentive to strive, many do give up, those monthly checks do eventually get smaller, her career is still SPS, etc. Now she isn't sharing a house, food, responsibilities, and so on with a spouse. Suddenly, she realizes that she never worried about maintaining the car or fixing things around the house, that her ex-husband did that. Oops! Of course, too late by then. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029337) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:03 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Seriously what the fuck are you talking about. My husband demands that I work and also that I do the lions share of childcare and he wants to make all the decisions because he makes more money. Sounds to me like he is the one who has everything his way. It's not framed as me having any choice in the matter. I realize that people here idolize money like my husband does, but I honestly would rather make less money and have a more low-key life. He is an insane gunner who is completely consumed by an obsession with money. It's truly not fair to say that because he chooses to make a lot of money that I should be punished for not doing so by not having decision-making power in my own household. There are values in life other than financial gain. And where is the boundary? In the case of my relationship, my husband flips out if I want to spend my own money on something he doesn't approve of. He told a shopkeeper that I couldn't afford a coat I tried on, thus demonstrating his power over all our financial decisions and seeking to humiliate me for daring to even think of buying myself something nice. If he makes SO much more money, do I even get any say over any money that I bring into the household? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029492) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:14 AM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig Is he more of a cheapskate or more of a striver and want you guys to be ultra umc? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029548) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:16 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse All of the above. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029565) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:22 AM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig Does the family have money? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029613) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:32 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029681) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:40 AM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig He sounds financial insecure. Sucks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029725) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:45 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman non partner lawyers should feel financially insecure (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029756) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:54 AM Author: blathering state Non-partner law firm lawyer making $200k in a major Euro city? How could he not? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029799) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:55 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman sounds dreadful tbh (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029801) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:57 AM Author: blathering state When we had their HHI in the NYC area with no kids we were absolutely slumming it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029817) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:06 PM Author: jade digit ratio native The alternative stance she could take is to twist the knife and blame her husband for being a failure of a man for being unable to support his family and for then cowardly taking it out on her. If he made $400K this would not be an issue and she could afford shoes for their daughter and not have to work weekends. That's probably how people of that culture end up murder-suiciding the family, but if not it would be lulzy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029850) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:07 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029855) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:09 PM Author: jade digit ratio native am I wrong. I can sense his seething inadequacy contributing to him lashing out. But she has to acknowledge that she has a job for her, not for them. Regardless if he can't treat her better this is not a tenable situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029865) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:16 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman he clearly feels inadequate, but a senior non partner attorney at a law firm making only 200k prob feels like the axe could drop any minute, he fucking should feel insecure. agree he needs to treat her better and shouldnt take out his stress and frustrations on his wife. however, from this thread, i dont think she appreciates that their lifestyle is basically on his back either. they both need to take a step back and talk shit over, though it sounds unlikely that will happen (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029906) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:14 PM Author: blathering state If maturity is impossible go for lulz (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029895) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:19 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig I already said this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029916) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:23 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030494) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:50 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031273) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:23 AM Author: chrome queen of the night Why are you such a victim? If you don't want to work and would rather stay home with your child, just do it. Why do you need permission? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029615) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:43 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse If I don't do what he wants he punishes me. It's hard to describe but he would be fucking awful to me if I just quit my job and announced I was going to be a sahm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029749) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:53 AM Author: blathering state "If I don't do what he wants he punishes me." What does this actually mean? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029792) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:59 AM Author: histrionic hairy legs spanking, obviously (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029824) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:15 PM Author: blathering state They never have sex, so... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029903) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:28 AM Author: blathering state Sounds like you guys need to have a discussion on how this shit should actually work, what everyone has as their responsibilities, what that entitles them to, etc. Not sure how you guys got this far in the marriage without this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029652) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:40 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate in my household, we strive for consensus-based decision making, and to my view any other approach is asking for constant conflict and resentment (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029410) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:42 AM Author: blathering state True, but even within that approach there are power-dynamics based on contributions and such. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029418) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:46 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate maybe, but it would be dickish to ever try to leverage that explicitly (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029436) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:49 AM Author: blathering state People in relationships can be dickish. That's life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029446) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:54 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate why do i even talk to you, you short, low-earning buffoon (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029456) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:58 AM Author: blathering state I read that in Mallory Archer's voice. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029471) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:02 PM Author: jade digit ratio native (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030967) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:19 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Actually xoxo is pretty consistent about this stance. The difference is when the woman outearns the man, the man typically is rational about it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029596) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:26 AM Author: blathering state Yep, we all told TC to stuff it too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029637) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:09 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter And that was after his pants-wearing wife literally beat him lol. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030432) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:22 PM Author: blathering state lmao, I missed that (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030485) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:56 AM Author: jade digit ratio native There are a few issues here: you are working the job you have because you find personal fulfillment from it and you like it. You have that job for you, not for your family. Your husband has his job for your family. Your job does not maximize your income or the amount of time you can dedicate to your child. Your husband is annoyed at this inefficiency because he is aspie. That doesn't mean you should not get fulfillment from your job or that you should take a job you hate for $10K more or for 5 hours per week less, and you should not blow off your job - but realize that having that job is a concession that your husband and your child are making - a sacrifice in the name of your personal fulfillment. The fact that your husband makes more money does not mean he gets to control all spending decisions and he should be respectful. But unless he is spending a lot of money on himself and not letting you spend money, he is trying to set a baseline of what lifestyle you can afford. The overall issue is that your husband is an insensitive dick and does not respect you. But he is not mostly wrong about broader issues with money and your career - he just is approaching it like a shithead. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029805) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:26 PM Author: blathering state He is also probably in a horrible time in his career and that is spilling over into his family life. A lot of us can relate to that too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029944) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:16 AM Author: Translucent windowlicker haven't read through the whole thread. Is OP Pretzel? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029560) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:19 AM Author: histrionic hairy legs yes op is pretzel/lonely hunter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029595) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:21 AM Author: Translucent windowlicker Sorry for her situation, but always found her to be a pretentious, striver shrew. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029606) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:22 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That's odd. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029610) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:28 AM Author: Translucent windowlicker Maybe a little harsh, but I recall your poasting because we both went to law school around the same time and you had a geographical connection (Wisconsin). You wouldn't know me as a poster because I rarely posted then, even though I have been stuck on this fucking site since 2001. BTW, you should divorce and I do have some sympathy. Adjust your expectations from a relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029645) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:43 AM Author: sapphire double fault shrine What a return lhtp! Welcome back. This is bloodacre btw though you may not remember me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029742) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:14 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Of course I remember you! I was trying to put a name to a poaster who I met up with once in Brooklyn. Was it you? I remember you as a poaster but just can't remember if the poaster I saw was you iyswim (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031043) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:19 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood I can't believe I read this whole thread, but the one inescapable conclusion I reached is that LH is unreliable narrator, which makes it impossible to offer her advice, with a reasonable degree of confidence, on whether to stay or go. The very first thing you need to do is have an honest, comprehensive discussion with him concerning both of your careers and establish an agreed upon universe of practical, obtainable career paths for yourselves over the next couple of years and the resulting consequences to your personal lives. I personally believe you need to enter this discussion with the understanding that your current job, in conjunction with how you balance it with your household/childcare obligations, is a HUGE personal luxury for you. With the possible exception of a mortgage payment, the luxury of this job is likely the single largest financial drain on your household. By insisting on staying in this particular job, you, not your husband, are exercising, in effect, the most control over your household's financial decisions. Your failure/refusal to acknowledge this likely is a huge contributing factor to your situation. I would strongly encourage you to give good faith consideration to other employment options during discussions with your husband. However, you should also keep him honest during this discussion by insisting that the discussion of your employment options be tied to real world possibilities. This means you two looking at job posting together and/or talking to a recruiter together (if recruiters are thing where you live). Once you determine the salary range and likely hour requirements of available jobs, you two can have a discussion on what is best for your household. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029914) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:29 PM Author: blathering state "With the possible exception of a mortgage payment, the luxury of this job is likely the single largest financial drain on your household." Explain this to me. She is making $75k, not $30k public interest or volunteering or whatever. Whatever she is spending on childcare is still far less than what she is earning. It also sounds like her alternative is $90k in the private sector, so not giving up much there either. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029961) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:33 PM Author: jade digit ratio native yeah this is not Silicon valley where $150K jobs jump out at you. She can probably work 5 hours less per week for $70K or hate her job for $90K. If those are her options its not worth giving up a job she likes, assuming she needs to work. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029980) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:36 PM Author: blathering state tcr. Also, having been in the position of me making around $200k and wife making around $75k/year, that extra $75k/year is really, really important in a high COL area. All of your savings and luxuries are coming from that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38029997) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:11 AM Author: French multi-billionaire You told me my job is "shit" because I make 75k Did you tell Mandy her job was shit when she made that amount? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039031) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:20 PM Author: blathering state She will 100% confirm that I absolutely did and spent a ton of time and energy to ensure that she didn't remain in that salary range. Now she makes about what I make. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058055) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:50 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood From the sounds of it, I'm guessing she can probably work 15 hours less per week (50 vs 35) for $70k per week. As for the $90k but hates her job option, they may end up agreeing that it is not worth it for LH to give up her $75k job, but she needs to appreciate what is being given up by the household for this luxury. I also think your $90k option presents a false dichotomy. It is entirely possible she could find a $90k job that she doesn't hate or even likes similarly to her current job. Regardless, the only hope they have for this marriage is having this discussion. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030048) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:52 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate well if we're just going to make shit up, let's assume she can cop $300k 10-3 60% wfh, but she doesn't, because she's STUPID AND SELFISH. god, what a shitty person. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030056) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:59 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood The whole point of my original comment is that THEY SHOULD NOT JUST MAKE STUFF UP. It is way too easy to use hypotheticals, which may or may not bear any semblance to reality, to torpedo these types of discussions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030093) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:12 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate ok, ok, maybe $400k 10-4 would be a better option (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030148) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:01 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin the biggest thing I learned from this thread is that the UK sucks major big fat rhinoceros cock. like we knew it sucked ass but I thought ppl at least made money there. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030101) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:08 PM Author: blathering state Lawyers in most countries make way less generally. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030428) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:45 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood That's $15k a year going towards the "luxury" of her staying in her current job. What other luxury do they spend $15k a year on? Further, it is entirely possible that $90k a year job will entail fewer hours and permit them to spend less on childcare, thus increasing the real cost of her current job. Further, approaching this question solely from the perspective of LH increasing her salary is unnecessary. The benefit to her household may be maximized by working in a job that entails a $40k a year salary but allows for substantial work from home. I don't know if this is an option where she lives, but that is precisely why I said they need to have this discussion in the context of real, practical employment options for LH. They may also have this discussion, and realize the only practical option is for LH to be a SAHM. Regardless, they need to have this all-encompassing discussion so that they can ensure they are having the same discussion with each other and not proceeding from different, impractical premises. However, I suspect what is really going on here is that LH is simply unwilling to consider alternative employment options, and a large part of what she wrote is the product of her pigeon brain justifying her actions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030035) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:48 PM Author: blathering state $75k/year is public sector and $90k/year is private sector. I would say it is safe to say that the latter is not going to be less stress/hours/etc. Also, $15k/year is without taxes in a Euro country. IRL, it'll be like $8k/year difference. In reality, she and her husband need to both sit down and plan out their careers. I don't think the $15k/year is a big deal, but I think her and her husband have very different ideas of what they are supposed to be doing and where they are supposed to be going. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030041) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:53 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Of course they could end up concluding her current job is the best option, but as you said, they need to have a discussion of this subject involving a good faith exploration of all options. Based upon what I know of LH, she likely is incapable or unwilling to do this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030064) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:00 PM Author: blathering state This is why I go back to my original conclusion that they're both being assholes here and that IRL, they're probably both the best that the other can do. They both need to grow up and start communicating like a married couple instead of like two kids that need a time out in a corner. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030095) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Something that people seem to be missing is that he simultaneously is guilting me for not moving down to a 4 day week He actually only recently has said I should get a different job. Previously he has just gone on about how he is the breadwinner and I should be grateful, and has complained that my job asks too much for my shitty pay (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030143) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:18 PM Author: jade digit ratio native tell him you would be grateful if he actually worked hard as a lawyer and made real money like your American friends who do not get to take 8 weeks vacation and have 12 months maternity leave. Tell him to stop projecting his insecurities about his failures as a man and a Brahmin onto you - and pretending like it makes a difference if you have a European job that pays $75K versus $90K. Am I correct that it would not be easy for you to just get a job that pays $150K? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030179) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think that would be difficult but slightly less (like 115k) maybe not impossible? If he approached it as a serious discussion rather than a personal attack it's something that I potentially would consider. But as I said he's only recently raised it at all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030938) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:11 PM Author: jade digit ratio native $115 is a lot more than $75, though its no $150. How much less would you make for a real 35 hr mommy job with no weekend or late nights? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031023) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:15 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Does that exist in law? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031050) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:23 PM Author: jade digit ratio native probably not, but I didn't think jobs paid that little for lawyers with a decade of experience who have good backgrounds either. Other than public interest stuff - and that is a hobby not a job. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031092) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:51 PM Author: histrionic hairy legs i think your original advice was credited but i think you miss two things in this follow up poast: 1. $15k (pre-tax) is a significant sum, yes, but... if it's the difference between spending 2000hrs a year doing something you enjoy vs something that makes you miserable, it's a justifiable expense (imo at least) 2. The whole WFH thing is a red herring: aside from eliminating a commute (which is valid), it's not like you can simultaneously do a 9-5 job *and* properly take care of a 2yo just because your're physically at home (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030053) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:59 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood "1. $15k (pre-tax) is a significant sum, yes, but... if it's the difference between spending 2000hrs a year doing something you enjoy vs something that makes you miserable, it's a justifiable expense (imo at least)" I didn't miss this point. First, $90k is just a number TMF pulled out of his ass. The most important part of my post is that LH and her husband need to discuss real, practical alternative employment options for LH. It is too easy to use hypotheticals, such as TMF's $90k, to poison the well and prevent meaningful discussion. If they conclude the real alternative options for LH entail $90k a year and that is not a sufficient increase to justify changing jobs, so be it, but BOTH OF THEM would have reached this conclusion together. That is the important part. "2. The whole WFH thing is a red herring: aside from eliminating a commute (which is valid), it's not like you can simultaneously do a 9-5 job *and* properly take care of a 2yo just because your're physically at home" Same as above. They may conclude that there are no alternatives that allow LH to devote more time to childcare/home responsibilities. The important part is they reach this conclusion together. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030088) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:01 PM Author: blathering state I think the $90k came from the discussion of what she would make at a law firm where she lives, which is her best alternative. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030102) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:04 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman the 90k was basic first year starting salary right? surely thats not the right number for someone who must have like 10 yrs exp (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030116) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:58 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter this is the in-house salary, iirc, not law firm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030366) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:29 PM Author: blathering state I thought 1st year law firm associate at local salary. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030531) Date: April 2nd, 2019 12:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse *LH is unreliable narrator* Explain I can and do work from home A LOT in my current job. I cannot care for my child while doing that. My contractual hours are 35 and I would be expected to work maybe 40 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030091) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:04 PM Author: blathering state I get that impression too. Those old-timers like myself compare your discussion of your ex-husband here and what we used to read and it definitely gives the impression that your mind stacks facts massively in your favor. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030117) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have intentionally told you unflattering things about myself. If anyone asks a question I will be honest (without giving too much personal info) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030128) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:11 PM Author: blathering state Let me put it this way - I don't think you're intentionally being dishonest. I really do think that's how your mind structures the info. I know people like this IRL too. That's what makes it such a problem. You legit think you're a victim and that he is just an evil bully because your mind forgets his contributions but elevates yours. Just like when you talk about your ex-husband you remember he was "sometimes mean" but don't really remember that you left him, cheated on him, then divorced him because you thought he wasn't ambitious enough. I'm not saying this to be a dick to you. I'm just noting that's how your mind assembles fact patterns. I suspect the same thing is going on here. Either way, your path forward is the same. This weekend, plan some time together to sit down and talk about a path forward. You're not happy and he's not happy and you should at least try to get a plan. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030145) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:19 PM Author: jade digit ratio native she does not like having agency, except when someone tries to take agency away from her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030190) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:48 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood From your posts ITT, it appears you are angling to be next in line to take some agency from her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030324) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:22 PM Author: jade digit ratio native lol no, I know her IRL and I heard her bitch about her husband 7 years ago or whatever. Definitely negging though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030491) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:09 PM Author: Offensive Parlor how hard did you choke her when you were banging her after some nyc xo meetup? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034832) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:00 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman the wind cries jewdood (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030096) Date: April 2nd, 2019 1:19 PM Author: jade digit ratio native (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030187) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:03 PM Author: concupiscible volcanic crater love of her life This is the longest thread in Autoadmit history, right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030406) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:11 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin stanford vs. berkeley, though that was on PR (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030441) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:12 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker I don't think so. That thread about two lawyers in a nasty divorce where the husband claims, in a court filing, that his ex poasted on xoxo as TBF was pretty long. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030445) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:22 PM Author: blathering state holy shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030487) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:24 PM Author: jade digit ratio native this has got to be one of the longest threads on a single topic (i.e. not "election day thread") and with very few blank bumps. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030499) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:25 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker Could also be longest in terms of amount of text spilled. Interesting thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030507) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:59 PM Author: Glittery psychic national TJs turkey chili (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030955) Date: April 2nd, 2019 2:54 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Ok, LH, I just stalked you on LinkedIn to see where you’re working and (I think) I found your husband’s too. This makes more sense now since he posts a lot on linked in about how “my firm did this, I worked on this case” blah blah. He’s the hardworking but not brightest type that is always attending conferences and writing articles on his very important cutting edge area of law. All for no career advancement or more money. Sounds like what would actually make the most sense is if you guys moved out of your very expensive city and moved to Wisconsin or something and you made $200k at foley and Lardner and he stayed home. But that’s never happen. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030645) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:08 PM Author: blathering state "Sounds like what would actually make the most sense is if you guys moved out of your very expensive city and moved to Wisconsin or something and you made $200k at foley and Lardner and he stayed home. But that’s never happen." I think if she told her husband this he might actually break down and cry. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030709) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:17 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes People are right that he is likely in the middle of career turmoil given what I saw on LinkedIn and LH is not the right partner to prop up his ego through it all. A man who cares deeply about his career and defines himself by it needs a submissive wife who isn’t a career shrew herself. It’s not even about money. I bet he’s irritated that she has a prestigious job. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030771) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:20 PM Author: blathering state Idk, my wife is another lawyer too and it was fine. I was also more of a dick during bad times, but she also helped me pursue credited strategies and because she was able to produce a second income there was less pressure on just me. Some submissive clueless girl would just be annoyed he wasn't earning what he hoped he would and now she doesn't have the money she thought she would. People like this have no perspective on how this shit actually works. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030787) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have never said one negative thing about his career and failure to earn more money. I have also given him advice about jobs etc when he has asked for it. Sometimes he has even asked for my advice in his job. He doesn't really seem to appreciate this. He mostly thinks I am a bitch because I get annoyed when he comes home later than expected and doesn't bother telling me this (eg he says 8, I make dinner for 8, he texts at 8:05 to say now 8:30). Then when I complain he says angrily I need to support his career. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030874) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:50 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig Is there some way his career can get better? Maybe that will solve things for y'all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030920) Date: April 2nd, 2019 3:57 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's just now gotten a bit better and he has been a bit nicer. I am not sure it will last. I think he is in a honeymoon period. I am troubled that this is his response to stress though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030943) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:06 PM Author: jade digit ratio native is he working at a firm? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030999) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031036) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:17 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine shit so when he hits a rough patch in his career he takes it out on his family? what a fuck. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031057) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:01 AM Author: blathering state I think everyone does that to at least some degree. He just doesn't sound like he has any awareness/self-control. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034268) Date: April 3rd, 2019 11:27 AM Author: Provocative crimson resort mexican The Asian wife chimes in: "CAN'T HE JUST MAKE MORE MONEY???" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034615) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:10 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine I do that to my wife all the time but try to be apologetic. She's kind of a lousy cook though so it's not like i'm missing much. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031017) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Aw :( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031033) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:16 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine remember at the NYC meetup in 2010 you ordered sushi that had caviar, foie gras and like a sheet of gold on it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031054) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yeah, it was gross. But baller. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031070) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:23 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine very baller. one of my fondest xo memories. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031091) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:04 PM Author: jade digit ratio native your wife is submissive and clueless and the fact that she makes almost as much as you do says more about you than her. You also need to break down and cry. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38030985) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:07 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig Can you say something about me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031006) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:10 PM Author: jade digit ratio native your ethereal beauty shames us all. It's not fair for you to provide advice on how to deal with life's difficulties when the very moon and starts are dedicated to your well being. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031016) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:10 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine ok now do me, earl! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031020) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:22 PM Author: jade digit ratio native the stain of watchmen's scrotum sweat on your shoulder will never wash off. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031082) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:24 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine i would delete this post before he sees it. you don't want that. trust me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031100) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:26 PM Author: jade digit ratio native lol that clown took the biggest L ever when his IRL was sadly exposed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031106) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:27 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031113) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:32 AM Author: blathering state tcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061748) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:37 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig die (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031430) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:45 PM Author: jade digit ratio native <3 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031733) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:31 PM Author: blathering state "the fact that she makes almost as much as you do says more about you than her" Sure, but we're ultimately both looking for a combo of high HHI and high QOL, which is really hard to get. We're not about maximizing income at all costs (otherwise, we would be on the West Coast). "You also need to break down and cry." Why? We have an awesome thing going. Good HHI, our expenses are reasonable, our debt is very manageable, etc. No one is pulling all nighters or hates their jobs, both of us like our area, etc. After work, both of us can talk about our issues and the other person 100% gets it because we do the same job at different places. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058088) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:11 PM Author: Sexy stage skinny woman Why r there so many poasts itt (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031024) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:37 PM Author: blathering state Welcome to XO's most SUCCESSFUL thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031186) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:18 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine maybe this thread should be continued in a volume 2 type of new thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031059) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:36 PM Author: blathering state You're missing the point here. I really, really want to see this go over 1000 posts. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031180) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:28 PM Author: jade digit ratio native So if you suggested to you husband that you both move to Chicago, you can work midlaw for $250K, he can drive uber for $25K until he finishes whatever legal requirement lets him practice law - then he can make $60K doing insurance defense. You can get a bigger house for less money and have more stuff because you are an American again. Would he murder suicide your family? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031119) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:41 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine what's this guy's nationality/ethnicity? i'm late to the party here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031224) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:43 PM Author: jade digit ratio native i believe he is partially indian or from the subcontinent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031237) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:52 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine oh man. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031281) Date: April 3rd, 2019 5:43 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't think he would like that. I think he would feel very threatened by my earning more. Sometimes he says things about how he would love to be a sahd rather than the breadwinner etc but I think he just does this because it gives him an opportunity to suggest that my lower status in the family is self-imposed. "I would happily stay at home and let you earn more. But you don't want that, DO YOU?" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033723) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:34 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker I don't know why everyone is focused on his career/ her career as if a change in job for one or the other will solve the problem. This marriage is over. Just her explanations about how he treats her -- whether or not they are true, exaggerated, whatever -- show that she is done. She just wants validation for it. The problem is how he is going to react when the inevitable service of divorce papers occurs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031160) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:51 PM Author: blathering state idk, just because a wife considers her husband to be a dick when he is having a rough time in his career doesn't mean it is 100% over. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031275) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:59 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker I am sure my wife has considered me to be a dick many times during our marriage. I have also considered her to be irrational. But neither of us has admitted defeat. This guy gets a better job and he still isn't going to be less controlling-- chances are he gets more controlling. Just the way pretzel is describing her husband means she is gone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031303) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:05 PM Author: blathering state Yeah, but she is also more of a cat, as Earl mentioned, than a lot of women. She's just very independent and that doesn't really work in marriage. Especially a marriage where she took a "chill" job and he is still spending his life gunning. It sounds like she has bitched about all of this for years and they're still together and had a kid. By the way, they REALLY shouldn't have more kids. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031325) Date: April 2nd, 2019 4:57 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter or she wants help getting out of her head/viewpoint, especially if she can't have the same candid discussion irl with people like earl who seems to get it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031297) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:01 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker Earl's advice above is to move to Chicago, where she can get a better job and he can work towards a better job. That sounds good but the chances of this guy agreeing to that is less than 1% (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031312) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:09 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter uh have you read the other 99% of his responses? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031350) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:24 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker Here and there. Agian, the bizarre thing to me is the focus on switching jobs as a cure all. Interesting thread and some good insight I guess. I am just telling you that, even if she is here to get out of her own head and vent and maybe see some light at the end of the tunnel, it ultimately is just a break from her reality (she doesn't like her husband) and she will realize that she has to move on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031395) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:39 PM Author: jade digit ratio native part of my posts ITT are genuine advice. part of them are negging pretzel and AMOGing her husband. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031704) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Are you actually putting genuine thought and strategy into this or is it just second nature? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031764) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:17 PM Author: jade digit ratio native making fun of your husband is second nature. But I didn't realize until this thread that i share a lot of personality traits with him - and honestly I did not realize these things about myself either until I was married and could no longer live my life without anyone elses leave. The key difference is that I love and respect my wife and even more importantly I have no temper, am not insecure and I compartmentalize things exceptionally well so that I can talk about any issue at length without it affecting how I view my relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031882) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Update: he came home and I made him dinner. He became very pissed off that I wasn't attentive enough (probably fair. I am finding it hard to care about hearing his stories etc). He stormed off leaving me to finish my dinner alone. Then he came in again and I brought up how I have been very depressed because of how he treats me and I have missed work due to it. He said that I don't have a right to continue to be sad about things that happened in the past especially when he is angry about my mistreating him today. He said that if I continue being sad about the past this won't work out for me because I am miserable to be around (I guess threatening implicitly to leave me). Then he yelled at me a little more for not caring enough when he talks. I stared at my plate until he left. I came to the living room where he is watching TV and explained that I don't like it when he yells at me and all the yelling and criticism is driving me away. He said but i was showing a lack of interest just now when he wasn't yelling. I explained that the ongoing yelling is having an effect. He said he doesn't yell much I brought up the escalator incident from Sunday. He burst out angrily that I was WRONG in that situation, I guess implying that I deserved to be yelled at. I told him I didn't think it was ok to yell at me because I was doing my best. He said my best wasn't good enough. I said, well you still yelled at me. We established that he believes this was an exception because he was pissed off at me for putting our daughter in danger. I said again that I had done nothing wrong in that instance. He said I had. I left the room. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031415) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:42 PM Author: blathering state Geez, why can't everyone just be nice? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031440) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:45 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine damn, girl. sounds like you need a latte! am i right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031445) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:48 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Maybe a wine latte! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031452) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:56 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine don't even get me started! i'd just love to hit a pilates class and then go out for some sangrias with the girls! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031469) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh hell yes I live for wine o clock! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031490) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:10 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine last week i got, well, let's just say a little too tipsy. long story short, i ended up with a black eye and barfed on my toddler. #coolmom (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031524) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I enjoyed this, ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031543) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Further update: took a shower. Realized after that the curtain wasn't properly in place. My first thought was FUCK husband is going to be so pissed. How can I hide evidence that there was water on the floor? I have placed the bathmat over the bathtub in a way that disguises the big water mark. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031456) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:57 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine you yadda yadda'd the best part (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031478) Date: April 2nd, 2019 5:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031487) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:06 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine your erotic shower was the best part of your post. here is the pop culture reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CKyWu87W78#t=1m10s (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031514) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:01 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy pretty dumb if he cares about such things. even women shouldn't worry about them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031492) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This is the kind of thing he would be likely to scold me over angrily. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031496) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:09 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy yea certainly some signs in this thread that he's a control freak douche. still instead of relitigating the past, still think you need to do what earl suggested re discussing communication styles, and what fish and i have suggested in terms of concretely discussing (and exploring in advance if that's necessary to be appropriately concrete) your other professional options. what earl says above i don't think should be dismissed either. you could conceivably already be marketable for 200k+ inhouse opportunities in the US--i know why your spouse wouldn't be receptive, but it could make it seem like you're quite open to other opportunities so long as the mix of money and work/life balance would actually be an upgrade, given your situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031521) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:13 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine my wife yells at me all the time for leaving water on the bathroom floor or not removing my dirty clothes. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031548) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:15 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse But I think he would be angry to see evidence that I got water on the floor at all. So I hid evidence I wiped up water too (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031556) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:22 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine what is his yelling like? is he especially vicious? My wife is a nitpicker and ball buster and has basically no filter but she's cute so it's usually not particularly hurtful. like she will ridicule me for being fat and yell at me for leaving my socks in the living room etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031603) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:25 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It varies. In this sort of case it would be contemptuous scolding with an undercurrent of real anger (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031633) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:33 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine and if you were to talk to him in that tone? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031678) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He would probably lash out at me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031712) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:53 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine does he raise his voice? call you names? is it a cycle where things are OK for a while and then get more severe until things boil over and there is a big incident? Or is he just constantly a miserly cunt? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031779) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:58 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He raises his voice sometimes. No names. Constant miserly cuntiness and sniping criticism. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031789) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:03 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine did you used to have fun together? what was the foundation of your relationship early on? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031813) Date: April 3rd, 2019 5:48 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think the foundation of our relationship was a few shared interests, that he is attractive and charming, and he chased me when I needed to be chased. I also saw signs that he can be caring and considerate. We also think similarly about a lot of things / have some shared values - for example I actually am quite frugal despite his constant criticism of me. This all sounds retarded but I think it's probably true in retrospect? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033724) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:42 PM Author: jade digit ratio native so he is extremely critical and you are defensive and don't deal with criticism well. Yikes. Does he smack you around? Honest question - fear of water spilling on the floor really is not normal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031720) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:46 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He hasn't hit me. He is very fussy and gets very annoyed about all sorts of things. You should see how pissed he is if I don't close the curtains. In the discussion above, I was very calm and firm and the opposite of hysterical when I explained that the yelling is driving me away. I was straight up just trying to get through to him and explain that this is why I don't care about his dumb stories (I did not say that part). He doesn't want to hear it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031745) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:52 PM Author: jade digit ratio native whoever said you are in a negative feedback loop is correct. You dont want to be nice to him cause he is a dick. he acts like a dick because you don't want to be nice to him. The way to fix this is for the person you have control over (you) to be the bigger person and make an effort - be calm all the time and not let your emotions run away or make you mean. If he is capable of responding respectfully you should tell him you expect that from him. Tell him to step back and imagine how exhausting it is to be married to someone who is critical of literally everything you do and say. Given that you are a human with feelings and not a robot, ask him how he thinks this should be addressed. Is he willing to be the bigger person sometimes and get over his insecure victim complex (like you need to as well)? If the thought of doing this is gross to you, thats cause you dont love him anymore and its probably doomed - but you owe it to your kid to give it one more shot with you putting in the right kind of effort. What do you think would happen if he legit thought you would leave him imminently? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031773) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse If he thought I was going to leave him imminently I think he would immediately take action to lock me out of any assets and fuck me over as much as he could. He may plan something else vindictive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031778) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:02 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine maybe you should do some divorce planning of your own. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031806) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:14 PM Author: jade digit ratio native how does divorce law in the old world work? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031874) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:47 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xe0rfb (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031747) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:32 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter You said you guys went to counseling already, right? This is such basic communications stuff that it can't have lasted long or else your counselor was terrible. Tell him he has to read one Gottmann book (or even just listen to it as an audiobook) or you're going to leave him. You are in a classic negative-negative trap i.e. neither of you takes any responsibility for how much you are provoking each other through various overtly hostile and passive-aggressive "bids" toward each other. Nothing will be fixed until you are both able to accept responsibility for your part in changing that dynamic between you. Though it sounds like he's worse than you are, presumably because his dad was/is a huge asshole to his mom and him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031675) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes, we did some counseling. I thought the counselor wasn't great for couples counseling. She said he is abusive. she also observed that we have very competitive interactions. I have looked this up and forwarded him a link to the website (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031710) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:45 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter So is/was his dad a huge asshole? Also I asked you nicely to describe his dick like four days ago and you just left us all hanging. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031740) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:48 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse His dad seems sweet but I have come to believe he is an asshole. He definitely was very controlling with my mother in law, and still is actually (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031751) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:03 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter I know you've been gone a while, but this shitbort became the preeminent cocksize discussion forum on the web in the past few years. So you can't just come on here, go into all of this excruciating detail about the problems in your marriage and then just refuse to discuss the key variable that would likely explain the entire dynamic between you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031812) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:44 PM Author: blathering state They never have sex anyway. Who cares? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032463) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:16 PM Author: Amber school faggot firefighter (Clitpeen haver) Among many other reasons, if he’s packing then he’s almost certainly cheating. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032656) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:45 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter on the other hand, if he were cheating, he would arguably be in a better mood at least sometimes (from sex), and coupled with some guilt, would be nicer to LH, at least sometimes. he's angry at least in part because he isn't getting any. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032803) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:28 AM Author: blathering state Agreed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033233) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:11 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes This thread should hit 1000. Sorry pretzel you’re going through real shit, but your r-threading is good content and my own life is so damn boring. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031533) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:33 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm just pleased that my misery brings others joy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031676) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:44 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you do such an impressive job wallowing - you've made r-threading an art form. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031731) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Plus I supplement with analysis and a drip feed of anecdotes and facts (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031774) Date: April 2nd, 2019 6:59 PM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster tbh it's the steady drip of info that does it. gotta keep coming back for dat seratonin rush (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031791) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:13 PM Author: jade digit ratio native (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031868) Date: April 2nd, 2019 8:36 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032202) Date: April 2nd, 2019 7:02 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes It brings me no joy, but it does makes me feel better about the petty gripes I have about my own marriage. I do feel bad for you and hope you will work out your situation soon, whether it’s to stay put or to leave, for the sake of your daughter and yourself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38031807) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:46 AM Author: sapphire double fault shrine you should probably get a divorce too. just sayin! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033281) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:42 PM Author: High-end frum area Let's push for a 1000 like the old days! Anyway, let's also skip the relationship advice portion since it's falling on deaf ears. You're headed toward divorce. I stand by my previous advice to get your head on straight and make some adult decisions about what you want out of life. You married a person you apparently don't understand and agreed to have a kid at his insistence. There is no sustainable way out of this and into life satisfaction. You won't change this guy our gain the upper hand. Even if those options were feasible, they lead to domestic warfare that you're not equipped to win. Figure out what's actually important to you and make plans. You'll never be rich and you're going to have to compromise on what you think the world owes you. Accept that now and make moves or you'll be back here in 20 months whining to the wind with even less ability to dig out. You're never going to be 'well off' rather than merely comfortable at this point. You need to be in a good position to parent your kid and find a healthy balance. You clearly fucking hate this guy. Sign up for continued misery or advocate for yourself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032452) Date: April 2nd, 2019 9:55 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy nah she just needs to find a nice version of this guy who makes three times as much. titcr, much like 10-1 400k in-house (assuming you're not breadwinner; how could a family actually live on that?) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032516) Date: April 2nd, 2019 10:03 PM Author: High-end frum area You forgot to include 'xoxohth!' (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032564) Date: April 2nd, 2019 11:06 PM Author: cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate i've read through this entire thread. i have observations, take them or leave them as you might so be inclined: (1) i do think your husband sounds like a narcissist, both based on the comments you've made designed to illustrate this (more on that later) and based on some of the hidden tells. one of the biggest is the lack of sexual activity. do not disclose this online if it's true (as it would be cruel), but i'll take a shot in the dark: has he struggled with erectile dysfunction in the past with you, and did he react angrily or shamefully based on the failure to perform? lack of sexual function is a common narcissist symptom because proper sexual functioning is actually closely tied to intimacy. narcissists can fuck during the "impress the partner" stage but then it dies down and they can't keep the fire burning during the "grow the relationship" stage. (2) i ask this without a hint of judgment: do you think you may have borderline personality disorder, or did you live with/were you raised by someone who did? (3) earl is right in one regard: your posts show an almost willful attempt to view yourself as lacking agency. that's not good dude, and it's not good because it brings you pain! work on that (4) this forum has really weird views about divorce. as an only child of two parents who hated each other passionately and frequently fought bitterly, i can tell you that my ability to form meaningful relationships was crippled and i required years of self-directed therapy to even get close to being safe. i do not doubt divorce is always tough for kids and can be catastrophic, but the key to a happy healthy kiddo is lessening the degree of conflict, not maintaining the union itself. (5) you do not deserve to feel the way you presently feel regardless of what the "facts" might be (6) ...but i also see a lot of "emotional" language when you describe your husband's conduct. i have no doubt that he has rage radiating off of him, and it's difficult to transcribe that feeling into text. but you're unintentionally showing me based on your word choices that you very badly want to be seen as the victim in this circumstance, beyond simply conveying that you don't like your life (7) i don't want you to disclose this if it's true because it won't help anyone. are you having an affair? if you are, please don't take this as judgment, but you definitely, one hundred percent (a) need to divorce and (b) need to make sure that you don't marry/date your affair partner after it's done. i'm getting that read intuitively from your posts but i might just be reading into it whole cloth (8) the most disturbing story in this thread is your daughter coming to your aid during the argument. as much as this will bite you, you need to actually double down and reinforce to your kid that daddy loves her and that she doesn't ever need to defend mommy. i cannot stress this enough - your 2.5 year old will be very, very fucked up at this stage and will end up enormously codependent unless you nip her compulsion to defend you from your husband immediately. it might be too late. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38032925) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:49 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy ruh-roh... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033292) Date: April 3rd, 2019 3:52 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hey, thanks! In response to your questions: 1) no ED, just no apparent interest. It's kind of an emotionally charged issue at this point though. 2) my mom was an alcoholic and had a very abusive husband for a while and my stepmom is a critical loon. I have seen various therapists over the years and there has never been a hint that I may have a personality disorder. I looked at the spectrum of symptoms and I can see why you mentioned this. I find it a bit difficult to regulate my emotions and I seem to experience strong emotions, usually related to feelings of inadequacy. I may have fear of abandonment and I probably have a poorly defined sense of self. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033668) Date: April 3rd, 2019 4:12 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy what about the length/girth of his penis though? you've been asked squarely about that elsewhere in this thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033673) Date: April 3rd, 2019 4:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I've got to leave some mystery, you know? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033675) Date: April 3rd, 2019 4:27 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse 3) yeah,I am not sure how to deal with this. Maybe therapy. From my first boyfriend, I have allowed men to treat me like crap / I have chosen to stay in situations that made me unhappy for far too long, mostly because I didn't feel able to do anything else. I have always waited until I have reached almost a breaking point. In this case, I kind of feel like I'm having a breakdown. Skipping work due to depression is really uncharacteristic of me. It's certainly not doing me any favours. If it weren't for my separate issue I probably would have left my husband by now, even despite my feeling that I lack agency. I have spent years explaining how he is hurting me every which way. He generally tells me my feelings are wrong or else says he will change the shitty thing but doesn't. He believes he should be judged on all the times he is being nice, not the times when he is being mean. 4) I agree about divorce. My own parents divorced when I was very young and it horrifies me when I imagine growing up with them married to each other. And though I can alter my own behaviour, there is little I can do about my husband. I think separating my daughter from him may be the most healthy thing for her. Another little story: she was very annoying in the night last night and moved to our bed, where she wiggled around and kicked for an hour. It was disruptive to everyone's sleep. This morning when i woke up she had her little head on his shoulder and was snuggling him. He said, "I don't want to snuggle YOU." To his 2 year old daughter. (I said, "why would you say that to her" and he responded that she ruined his sleep) However horrible he is to me, his treatment of her enrages me 10 times more. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033674) Date: April 3rd, 2019 5:48 AM Author: wonderful new version Yeah wtf. Dunno why he’d turn down a young girl who was all over him. Sure he’s not gay? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033725) Date: April 3rd, 2019 5:53 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033731) Date: April 16th, 2019 11:46 PM Author: blathering state jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38099586) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:34 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse 5) thanks. I have struggled with this. I keep asking myself how we got to this place. Relatedly, this may not be what you're getting at but the abuse advocate people I have spoken with basically say that some people are just abusive and there is not much that the recipient of the abuse can do about this. 6) I can see what you mean. I am not totally sure of the reason for that. It might be because I am extremely unhappy and I feel that I have tried very hard to improve the situation, primarily by attempting to clearly communicate how his treatment of me hurts me. I have thought that if he only understood how worthless he makes me feel, he might change his behavior. However, I have come to believe that he just doesn't care, or even that he intentionally hurts me to emotionally manipulate me. It's difficult for me not to feel victimised when i have devoted your life to someone and he has betrayed your trust. I think I also can't bear to feel like I am the 'bad guy' in the situation because I feel that I have acted in good faith and he has not. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033986) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:35 AM Author: wonderful new version Out of curiosity, what attracted you to your husband in the first place? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033990) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:38 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i think it's more cyclical and two-sided than it seems to you, although i don't dispute that he's quite possibly the primary bad actor by a huge margin. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033996) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:40 AM Author: wonderful new version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIOY2ezMy9A (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38033998) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:50 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That was really unfunny. And also a bit classist. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034025) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:51 AM Author: wonderful new version Sometimes comedy is more about making a point than making you laugh. And the problem with the generic "that was a bit ----ist" statement? Well, the interesting thing is that it doesn't matter if it's true. jfc no wonder your husband beats you (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034029) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:01 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The issue is that it's missing the point. He is making an implicit assumption that both parties are equally to blame when this may not be warranted. This minimizes the impact of the behavior on victims of domestic assault. And obviously the guy who actually does hit the woman in the end was wrong. Therefore I question why this guy feels the need to fixate on whether there is a reason the man doing the hitting was angry. So what if he was? He should not have hit her. There are domestic abuse campaigns precisely because historically it hasn't been taken seriously and victims of domestic assault tend to blame themselves for their part in the situation. Then they get beat up again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034071) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:09 AM Author: wonderful new version "The issue is that it's missing the point. He is making an implicit assumption that both parties are equally to blame when this may not be warranted. This minimizes the impact of the behavior on victims of domestic assault." I'm pretty sure that at no point does he "implicitly assume" both parties are equally to blame. He's simply saying...well.....sometimes there's a trigger for the abuser's behavior. And it's important to see this, because it's always important to see a situation as accurately as possible. "And obviously the guy who actually does hit the woman in the end was wrong. Therefore I question why this guy feels the need to fixate on whether there is a reason the man doing the hitting was angry. So what if he was? He should not have hit her." Yeah no shit. The reason he fixates on it is because the converse is bullshit that is perpetuated constantly and the truth is that relationships are complicated and one person is almost never ENTIRELY at fault. So yeah he's presenting a counterargument. He's a comedian. He plays Devil's Advocate (in a minor way here). Clearly he doesn't actually defend the actions of abusive men (as he repeatedly states). He's also partly pandering to his fanbase, but his point stands. "There are domestic abuse campaigns precisely because historically it hasn't been taken seriously and victims of domestic assault tend to blame themselves for their part in the situation. Then they get beat up again." That's unfortunate, but not really a relevant counterargument to the point: it's almost always a two way street. Just sometimes there's more traffic flowing one way, sometimes more flowing the other. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034096) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:06 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It appears to me that the primary reason someone would want to fixate on the small, obvious point that there is often a trigger for inappropriate behavior is because they want to muddy the waters about who is to blame in a situation where only one person has been violent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034281) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:15 AM Author: blathering state Yeah, but in many situations, the victim is partially to blame too. I get that in our society we don't like saying that, but it is usually true anyway. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034310) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:23 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That's nice. It's such a funny joke since literally everyone kind of thinks that. It's also undoubtedly a big reason why ladies stay in abusive relationships. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034331) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:47 AM Author: blathering state I didn't even watch the video. It is just a fact of life. Some women seek out abusive men or men that can be pushed to become abusive. Some women like to push the boundaries to bring out consequences. Some women like the drama and being victims. Some of this actually applies to men in relationships instead of women. This shit is rarely black and white. Kind of how cops realize that a domestic violence situation is the most dangerous call because you never know when the poor woman will decide to go on the attack and direct it at you. Some people go looking for trouble/drama in life or do things that will have predictable negative consequences but for which there's a payoff. Note that rich people with known terrible tempers never seem to have an issue finding women to date/marry them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034438) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:56 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you've conceded in this thread that you're often angry at the guy, that you show that, and that you yell at him. maybe it's mostly justified, but are you truly puzzled that he doesn't instantly concede same? and maybe he's so shitty that you'll never be able to show him that he's shitty, but i'm less convinced of that now than i was when i read the first 1 or 200 posts in this thread. i'm becoming a broken record, but i don't think there was ever a true meeting of the minds on your career, your kid, and how finances and childcare would work. so now you're both very pissed off because neither of you have gotten what you thought was either agreed to or would be the only reasonable way to do things. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034044) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:56 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Listen, this thing about my job is just the latest issue. There's a whole background here that I'm not dredging up for simplicity's sake. We definitely have a pattern of him bullying me into things I don't want to do, me getting angry, and then him becoming resentful. He has a basic lack of respect for me such that he doesn't give a shit whether I am happy about any situation he forces me into. Just standing up to him and refusing to concede to what he wants doesn't work. He just becomes more angry and bullying and takes action to get what he wants. Recently he completed a credit card application on my behalf which I didn't want. Seriously, who the fuck does that? why exactly are you now less convinced that I'm half to blame? When I brought the escalator incident up again I was extremely calm. I think actually that someone acting in good faith might have taken that opportunity to examine the situation and apologize for being unnecessarily mean. I am at a loss to know how I should have handled this differently, other than maybe addressing it again outside the presence of my daughter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034255) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:25 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy if he's actually bullied you throughout the entire relationship even before any job/kid conflict then yeah he's probably a huge asshole and you probably can't salvage a relationship with him. i don't advocate that people stick it out with sociopaths, even when there are kids involved. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034337) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:56 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The thing is that from my perspective, he creates impossible situations and then punishes me for not responding in an optimal way. Of course I am not perfect. When he is a dick to me, I sometimes (often!) respond with anger. Then he of course focuses on my anger and ctiticizes my response rather than looking critically at his own provoking opening shot. Do you really believe there is any possibility of successful interactions with someone like this? So is the solution that when he acts insane, I always take the high road and behave impeccably? The thing with the escalator is a great example because it's not atypical. I think he was obviously being totally unreasonable to yell at me, but he would never retract or apologize. He thinks I deserved it. He thinks in fact that I have a duty to admit that I was at fault. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034043) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:01 AM Author: wonderful new version You have no one to blame but yourself for not vetting your mate more thoroughly. I mean, you know that thing called "dating"? That's when you're supposed to see warning signs for shit. If you missed them, you weren't paying attention. Or you didn't date long enough. I apologize if I've been kind of an asshole ITT, but I don't know you and you're distracting poasters from producing CONTENT by sucking them into this massive shitshow abomination of a thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034069) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:54 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Well, we are where we are now. If you believe abuse theory, men wait until they have you really hooked before they show the full extent of their shittiness. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034250) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:26 AM Author: Translucent windowlicker Men aren't that smart or calculating. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034343) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:32 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't think that it's necessarily supposed to be a fully conscious thing. It's all about power and once someone has less ability to get out obviously one has greater capacity to exert control. It's just logical (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034374) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:34 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy women ignore the shitty behavior (which is often blatant but focused on others) when they're creaming over chad. but the reality of being married to chad isn't always a happy one. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034382) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:43 AM Author: Translucent windowlicker titcr. I remember sitting in a bar with a drinking buddy a few months before my wedding. Talking about my then fiancee. I said she doesn't like the fact that I drink and stay out late. I indicated that it isn't a big deal. He said -- and it is a simple thing -- she will never accept it and she will try to change you and you, being who you are, will resist and think she should accept you as you are. It will be a source of tension. And it was, until I got old and had kids and stopped carousing. The point being, women will ignore warning signs or think that they can change the guy. Bad idea. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034418) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:02 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i think it's possible he'd behave more reasonably if you didn't mirror his shitty behavior back at him (although i understand the difficulty with that--i get very angry when i'm not treated reasonably by family, and i often don't make any attempt at all to hide that), and i also think it's possible he'd behave more reasonably if you expressly renegotiated the terms of your relationship (including job and finances) in a manner you both truly found more than merely tolerable at best. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034075) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:23 AM Author: blathering state Nailed it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034333) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:41 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse 7) absolutely not. I am not sure I am even capable of having an affair. I'm not really very good at being secretive or subtle, or lying. 8) yes, it is very horrible. I will try to give her that reassurance the next thing something like that happens. I will never tell her her daddy doesn't love her, but I fear that his own behavior may suggest otherwise. Who the fuck holds that kind of grudge against a 2 year old and refuses to hug her? As an aside, it is interesting that she viewed it as me being victimized. She won't understand what exactly is happening but she will be able to see body language/hear tone of voice. It therefore seems possible that this reflects how his anger comes across (aggressive, attacking). Or else she may just take my side because she loves me best. Who knows. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034000) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:56 AM Author: pearly puppy lol "not capable of having an affair", didnt you cheat on your ex husband? gotta agree with the guy above who says you seem to be an unreliable narrator (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034045) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:05 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy that was only a night or a week of hot sex with some latin lover or tourist dude (i don't recall whether those details were ever made plain on board). don't you dare call it an "affair"! ;) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034080) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:29 AM Author: blathering state Nailed it. And hilariously, I think she believed it when she wrote it. She just conveniently forgot that little fact. But it sounded great in her head! Of course, as she recounts the whole event of her original divorce what does she remember? Well, he was mean sometimes. Really, it was his fault they got divorced. He sucked. Me cheating on him and leaving? Oh yeah, I suppose... That's the problem with the fact that we're getting only one side of the story here and that LH is the narrator. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034167) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:30 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy see above. i don't think she counts that as an "affair." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034173) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:53 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't comment on the board's assumptions about my past relationships. I will continue ignoring any references to this. You can believe what you want but it would be extremely unlike me to carry on a sneaky underhanded affair. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034247) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:05 AM Author: blathering state I get it, it wasn't "carrying on" or "underhanded" if it was a one time fling in a foreign country that your husband wasn't even in, as the other person noted. But the point is that the version of events as presented is almost certainly colored by your narration, as the original statement here was... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034279) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:13 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I was fully aware of what people here would say but I have responded honestly to the question that was asked. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034302) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:11 AM Author: blathering state By the way, your policy here is unhelpful to your cause. Mostly because people are already aware of certain facts, and if you truly just didn't cheat you would say so (indeed, tripping over yourself to note that you have never and would never do that). Not discussing details is whatever, but we already know enough to know that the original statement needs an asterisk and a disclaimer. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034291) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:16 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. Well I am not discussing people's conjecture or any underlying facts. I am fully aware that this appears to all of you to be an inconsistent statement but I nevertheless stand by it. I cannot imagine carrying on an affair. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034312) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:21 AM Author: blathering state No, I think we all get how to reconcile what happened with your statement and have everyone be 100% accurate. But it is a great example of how a narrator can say something that is technically correct (at least by a certain definition) but present a picture that is heavily colored. I think many people's concern is that you're likely doing that in other areas too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034325) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:26 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I clearly was aware of what people here would say. I clearly was aware of what they would think. I don't really care if you all believe that my being honest to my detriment is actually further evidence of my dishonesty. If I tried to carry on an affair under my husband's nose it would all fall apart and I would not be able to keep it a secret. This is fact. Believe it or don't believe it. I don't care. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034346) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:32 AM Author: blathering state I understand your point. It may even be accurate. I'm not asserting that you can carry on a real affair and keep it secret. I am, however, noting that one has to read between the lines of your posts and have background not in your narrative to get the full picture. Reminds me of another thread where a guy says "I don't like the idea of cheating on my wife, which is why I fuck whores." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034369) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:48 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Jesus don't be so aspie. She said she doesnt have it in her to have an affair. She had a one night stand which is not an affair. She meant she's not good at lying sneaking around planning shit explaining where she's been etc. An affair requires a litany of behavior that cheating on someone once does not. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039065) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:05 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I don’t know if this will bring you comfort, but children growing up don’t realize there is any other way of being raised by parents and think it’s all there is. They won’t see that their parent or parents are treating them poorly or that there should be another way (since this is the only way they know). I can’t speak to outright abuse, but I can speak to cold, distant, negligent parenting. I was raised by a narcissist father who was occasionally over the top gushing toward me but mostly distant. His gushing though was often in weird public situations in front of people. As I got older, his praise was only when things I did that reflected well on him (school, achievement etc). Once we took a daddy daughter trip as a 7 year old and he brought me to his mistress’s home out of state and introduced to her to me as her friend and ignored me all weekend. I was just happy to go on a trip with him, even though I thought the lady thing was inappropriate (yes even young children understand). The funny thing as a child is that you’re happy with any sort of attention and still love them. You don’t really see what you’re missing or how it should be. It was only as an adult once I had my own children that my rage toward him eacalated became untenable because I couldn’t understand how a parent can treat their child that way. Every childhood memory became magnified 10x worse. Your daughter is likely happy as she is. Don’t stress about how she’s feeling about daddy. Don’t talk shit about him but frankly, do get her away from him and she can choose to have a relationship with him later on if she chooses. I can say my father has added nothing to my life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034278) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:07 AM Author: blathering state "children growing up don’t realize there is any other way of being raised by parents and think it’s all there is" What? You didn't go over to friend's houses and see their families? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034284) Date: April 3rd, 2019 11:24 AM Author: sapphire double fault shrine Your dad sounds like a fuck. Like he owed you nothing and viewed you as a prop to enhance his stature to the outside world. Praising you publicly made him look like a great family man and good dad. Introducing you to his mistress probably came with benefits to him as well like making her feel like she was more than just a mistress. I think i hate narcissistic behavior more than anything. That said, I don't think it's really the right advice to suggest she should withhold their 2 year old child from her father. Even if he has negative traits, he's not abusive in any real sense (LH's somewhat hyperbolic language notwithstanding). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034603) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm not the one who came up with the idea that he is abusive. I still have trouble believing this is how it should be framed. I am not sure if there is a much better description for a father telling his two year old that he doesn't want to cuddle her, however. Two year olds don't know anything. What she will learn from this is that her daddy doesn't think she is good or loveable enough to cuddle. At least, that's my fear. Nutella's comments suggest she may just get a very warped view of what a normal father does. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034869) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:49 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine Well you've described him as abusive multiple times throughout this thread. You are kind of playing both sides here. You like saying he is abusive but you distance yourself from this designation by attributing it to mental health professionals as though it's a fact that cannot be questioned. I think describing him as abusive supports your view of yourself as a somewhat helpless victim. Reading some of the posts in this thread, I think if you found yourself in a custody evaluation, you might be surprised at the psychologist's findings and recommendations. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035412) Date: April 3rd, 2019 2:44 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I feel uncomfortable about it. However I know something is seriously wrong and that he usually doesn't give a shit if he does something that he actively knows will hurt me in order to exert control over me. Whether it's labelled as abusive or not is a bit beside the point because it's shit either way. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035783) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:00 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, I was first told it was abusive by people on another chat blog. Then I talked to professional people who agreed. The legal status of this kind of behaviour here would be a little hazy - like I could maybe flee to a government funded shelter but it's not criminal in nature. It's all quite hazy. The primary relevance to me is that I feel I have no autonomy, but if I view the behavior as obviously bad it's easier for me to be selfish. Not sure if that makes sense. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036784) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:08 PM Author: jade digit ratio native if he's never hit you its probably not considered abuse under the law. You really need to decide if your goal is to get people to help convince you to leave, or to see what you can do to make it work for one more try. either way you need to break out of the mind frame where you are always a victim that things happen to - as opposed to a person with agency and responsibility for what happens in her life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036820) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Look up 'coercive control'. I am very torn because I kind of think he has a personality disorder (or whatever narcissism is) which is incurable but I also want things to work so I don't have to fuck over my whole life. This is the thing that keeps me in the relationship (plus the other logistical issue I mentioned) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036870) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:25 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy at least for civil restraining orders, the standards in different us states for "abuse" can be quite capacious. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036915) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:32 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine untrue re first part. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037414) Date: April 3rd, 2019 2:27 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes If her husband is a narcissist, which seems to be based on what she has described, then yes, I think she should get her daughter away. The thing that really resonated with me is that her husband pushed for children and wants more. That’s when you know the family is a prop. My father did the same but did 0% of the work. I have literally no memory of being home with him alone without my mother other than when I was 5, my mom left to go the store and I started crying due to separation anxiety and he told me in a really irritated voice that I was being a baby, my behavior was unacceptable, and then he closed the door to his bedroom and told me not to bother him. This sounds like something her husband would do. Only as an adult did I realize that it’s not fucking normal for a 5 year old to start crying when mom leaves you, esp when it’s with your dad and it’s also not normal for a dad ignore you like that. But what’s also weird is that when he did pay attention to me, i felt really special and it made up for all the times he ignored me. And he sometimes showered me with gifts and attention. It’s a total mind fuck. My mom experienced 10x worse than me and they should’ve divorced long before they actually did. Especially for girls, the self esteem could be hard to build as she grow older. With a narcissist, they are never wrong and you should feel bad or guilty for your own behavior. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035690) Date: April 3rd, 2019 2:46 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine Have you had a relationship with your dad as an adult? I think there's no good way to deal with 1 parent being shitty. If your mom shielded you from your dad and prevented you from having a relationship with him and then as an adult you found all this out, what effect do you think that would have had on you? And that would be after having grown up thinking that your dad wanted nothing to do with you. Of course, the shitty alternative is exposing the child to the narcissist's behavior. Yeah I don't have the right answer but I don't think one parent should have discretion to decide that the other parent shouldn't get to be part of their child's life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035792) Date: April 3rd, 2019 2:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mostly just want to have primary custody in the event we would break up (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035844) Date: April 3rd, 2019 3:06 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine oh, yeah you'll get that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035944) Date: April 3rd, 2019 4:58 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Yeah I don’t mean she should fight to the death for full custody and talk shit about her father and poison her daughter’s mind about him. Too many parents use the kids as pawns in divorce. She shouldnt prevent a relationship but she should get primary custody and I do think she should divorce. My mom never talked shit about my dad until they got divorced when I was an adult. I do appreciate that greatly because children should make their own decisions when they’re older about their parents. Actual abuse or violence is obviously an exception. Now I see my dad twice a year when he visits and awkwardly talks to me to see what he can get out of me. He asked me last time about helping him buy an apt so “he could be closer with his grandchildren.” He knows that I helped buy my mom an apt. He said “I did raise you and you’re successful because of me.” WTF. I know he goes around bragging about his “family.” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036479) Date: April 3rd, 2019 5:29 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine Ok yeah i'm definitely in agreement that LH should have primary custody and should divorce. Narcissistic dads are the worst. They treat the closest people to them like shit and use them to get attention and perceived admiration from strangers or people who shouldn't matter. It's a shit feeling even as an adult when you consciously know it's not you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036630) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:29 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This might sound dumb, but how do you know your dad was a narcissist? Like my husband clearly isn't going to go in for an evaluation and I assume your father didn't either. I think something is wrong with him but I keep wondering if maybe it's me or I am exaggerating or something. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036935) Date: April 3rd, 2019 11:32 AM Author: cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate I really would listen to me over Nutella here. (props, btw, Nutella, from emerging from that utter nightmare of a father unscathed) I had extremely bad codependency that took me years to overcome from my own upbringing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034634) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:25 PM Author: nofapping stag film "unscathed" she POSTS ON XO (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037639) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That's terrible. Thanks for sharing your perspective. I kind of get this too as I called my mother's frankly abusive husband 'dad' and I was upset when they got divorced. Also, my parents were divorced when I was very small and I just kind of accepted this was how my family was without worrying what I might be missing (even though as xo would say a broken home will DESTROY you etc). So your explanation of how children may process information in the moment makes sense and is a bit reassuring in the sense that I maybe don't have to worry that my daughter feels actively rejected by her father. A serious and slightly separate concern I have is that the behaviour will be normalised. For the moment my focus has been on being as loving and supportive as I can be to counteract his shitty influence. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035045) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:56 PM Author: fishy swashbuckling office "my parents divorce have any ill effects on me at all", said the soon to be twice-divorced single mother with a straight face (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035066) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Reading comprehension fail (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035205) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:43 AM Author: Burgundy theater stage Hi there. I don't really have anything to add and I haven't read any of this thread but I just wanted to be included in a 1,000+ post thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034002) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:45 AM Author: wonderful new version we're not there yet man! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034008) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:54 AM Author: Burgundy theater stage almost though! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034034) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:54 AM Author: wonderful new version 969 brother....only 11 to go! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034038) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:16 AM Author: nofapping stag film (Xo 2019 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034116) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:19 AM Author: wonderful new version ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034127) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:24 AM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034150) Date: April 3rd, 2019 11:11 AM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin this meme is never funny or clever but is particularly stupid in a thread that shows how fucking awful everyone from the late 2000s era was/is (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034553) Date: April 3rd, 2019 3:07 PM Author: lascivious ebony gas station (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035953) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:33 AM Author: blathering state We maed it. Over 1k! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034377) Date: April 3rd, 2019 11:38 AM Author: Provocative crimson resort mexican - kind of shitty for earl to out her husband as a turdskin but surprised that XO isn't toasting this example of NOWIG success. - wasn't LH indicating he was a doctor and then Nutella outed him as a hard-striving lawyer who isn't all that prestigious? also kind of shitty but hilarious in the context of everything else LH is saying. doctors being controlling narcissistic shitheads is well known. beta cuck lawqueers who lash out due to their profound insecurity is a different breed of awful. especially when you combine the NOWIG striver mindset. - LOL at TMF trying to act like a person with normal, comparative relationship experience ITT. he has gotten his dick wet with exactly one person and he married her at an extremely young age. It's like your 86 year old grandfather giving you advice about the job market. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034656) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:09 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I never said he was a doctor (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034830) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:14 PM Author: nofapping stag film why would you marry a non-doctor you should just take dotter on overnight flight and hie to chicago or milwaukee, work 200k midlaw and let do. claims of spousal abuse is a perfect reason to bring up in interviews for your sudden change of position. report the guy to homeland security, president TRUMP and his WALL will protect you against this abusive, murderous maniac (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034850) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:17 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate uh, yeah about the wall. it's not going that great (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034860) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:22 PM Author: nofapping stag film do you disagree that CBP would exclude a reported psycho murderer from our great country I am over the wall actually. $1000 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034882) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:42 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate cpb has bigger fish to fry, like travelers with undeclared fruit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38034985) Date: April 3rd, 2019 12:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I got busted for a pear I forgot in my bag once. That beagle sniffed me right out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035060) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:14 PM Author: Motley Therapy XO beagle (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035159) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:59 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate is that how you lost your citizenship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035494) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:11 PM Author: jade digit ratio native His ethnicity was mentioned a few times ITT before I posted anything about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035142) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:19 PM Author: talented erotic abode (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035199) Date: April 3rd, 2019 1:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That's really not funny and I hope you will clarify that it's a joke. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035215) Date: April 3rd, 2019 2:10 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy what was the unfunny joke (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38035585) Date: April 3rd, 2019 5:07 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate my 1000 post marriage thread was unsuccessful (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036518) Date: April 3rd, 2019 5:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Keep trying! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036749) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:04 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig how do you like motherhood btw? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036800) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:05 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My daughter is the light of my life, seriously. People tell me that I glow when I talk about her; it's weird. Do you have children now? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036806) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:10 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig just 1. That's great! I've found it incredibly grounding and stabilizing. Do you think you're done given all of this? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036827) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:11 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I would love to have another one but it's difficult to imagine how that would work. Do you plan to have more? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036835) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:19 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig I'm not sure I can handle it honestly but yea. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036879) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh yes, there's that. Do you have 24/7 help? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036893) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:22 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig not at all. just preschool + afterschool + part time sitter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036901) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:27 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy + school? that's a fair amount of childcare. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036923) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:29 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig no shit it's 40 hours a week. mind you i get off by 4:30 95% of the time and have a 15 min commute so have it easier than most. also my husband frequently does drop off. now do what this faggot wants his wife to do - 55 hours a week in house bank job - lol those extra hours kill at this juncture in life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036940) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:34 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy lol no reason to get mad at me moonape. glad all is well and hope you guys move into a baller house soon. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036958) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:32 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes You guys have money, do it and don’t wait until #1 is too old since they’re less likely to play together. I’d have 3 but I’m too old and tired. Going from 1 to 2 was a breeze. 0 to 1 was harder. You already reconfigured your life by #2. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036953) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:33 PM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig i don't feel like getting pregnant. i just got back to pre-baby weight and am enjoying dressing slutty again. also we just got back from japan and i just started working at new place half a year ago. i'm only going to be youngish for so long i kind of want to enjoy more of it. it kind of sucks to be one of the earlier moms in age group. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036955) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:38 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes You’re asian, you’ll be fine. I’m back to pre-baby weight quicker than even after #1. The job thing may be an issue since you want to qualify for leave benefits, but you should after a year of full time. Start trying later this year!! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036976) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Btw I asked you a question above that may have been buried. I mention this not to nag (it was posted recently even) but just because this thread is a monster. BPM I agree that you should go for it, though I can see it involves a bit more stress. It doesn't seem like a thing one would regret! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037026) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:17 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes edit: found your question. I started seeing a therapist a few years ago after my anger toward both my parents (for different reasons) was reaching a boiling point. Therapist says my father sounds like a classic narcissist and my mom suffers from anxiety and depression (she has been on and off various medications and also see therapists). All the signs fit. That particular marriage combo is also not good. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037152) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:18 PM Author: jade digit ratio native is narcissism a real thing or is that just what all assholes are, like how insecurity is the source of all bad behavior? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037597) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's a recognized personality disorder: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039043) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:12 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Show him this thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036837) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks for your thoughtful advice (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036877) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:21 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I give great advice which is why I won Rookie of the Year three times in a row. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036894) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:27 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036928) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:27 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036925) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:35 PM Author: Saffron Nudist Associate thread is proof women should not be allowed to vote/have any voice in discourse whatsoever. especially embarrassing for lh as the chinese women seem more reasonable by comparison. lmao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036967) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes, it would appear to be objective proof of all those things (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036983) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:40 PM Author: Saffron Nudist Associate u mad? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036987) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse So very mad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037032) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:56 PM Author: Saffron Nudist Associate you know this situation is entirely your fault, correct? you've already divorced once, why this idiot would marry you is beyond me. you're just validating your mindset. you already know what you want. any man with half a brain should avoid you like the plague. also, you don't sound supportive at all. again, this is all your fault. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037054) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:42 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy one of the chinese women married a banker making 500k+ annually and the other chinese woman makes 700-900k per year working 10-2 hedge fund in-house, telecommuting wherever, whenever. very different from what's happening on lh's side of the pond. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38036995) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:48 PM Author: Saffron Nudist Associate relevance? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037014) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:51 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy the economics are different such that whether bpm works and whether nutella's husband works are clearly pretty optional. less pressure and strain. less pressure and strain, and you end up sounding more zen generally, oddly. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037028) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:53 PM Author: Saffron Nudist Associate irrelevant. good try (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037039) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:56 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy very relevant. easy to sound reasonable when life's bounties are great, its misfortunes relatively few and far between, and its problems small and soluble. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037052) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:56 PM Author: Saffron Nudist Associate the zen lessons don't change when you're poor. hth (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037059) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:37 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker Rich people never divorce! Also, pretzel is far from poor. She has a fucking au pair. Money is not the issue here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037226) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:42 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy https://www.cnbc.com/2018/10/10/being-rich-may-increase-your-odds-of-divorce.html you might be right about that. i'm just saying tons of money can make things a lot easier, and the difference between 200k and 600k can be quite quite significant. but as i've said elsewhere, i believe 200k is enough to make a go of it virtually anywhere. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037239) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:17 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We have zero problems paying our bills. My husband is fixated on money. My mom thinks he has an addiction to it, like an alcoholic. It's difficult to describe. But we could definitely afford many pairs of shoes for our daughter. He just is against spending any money ever. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038997) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:21 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy that wasn't my implication. i'd surmised that the affluent were less likely to divorce, but i looked it up and based on the info referenced in that article, looks like i was mistaken. and i don't think all divorces amongst the affluent are driven by living beyond means or by money troubles; many other and more potential problems under the sun, as you well know (although career choices seem to me to be an important part of what's driving you two apart right now) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040537) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse One thing all the xo livelihood insecurity has brought to life is how real these concerns are for my husband. Though he is a real dick about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037051) Date: April 3rd, 2019 6:59 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i think what law beaver was saying expressly/implicitly above is true too: you guys could do OK on his income alone. if he's inhouse his stability and marketability would probably allow for that too. anyway oh well, and it's clearly different from a situation where he was making two or three or four times as much and your savings were commensurately higher year over year. i agree he ought not be a real dick about it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037068) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:40 PM Author: blathering state "you guys could do OK on his income alone" Not in a place like London with a kid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037944) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:11 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes The financial aspect is not ultimately the problem. I firmly believe her husband would be equally neurotic and stressed about money making $250k or $500k. I also think he’d continue to insist LH to work even if he made more because, if he is in fact obsessed with money, he will always want more. Fact is people adapt incredibly quickly to higher income and just keep seeing the next level. I also don’t believe LH’s husband would tolerate being married to high earning wife. If LH had my job, I think they’d still have the same problems in their marriage. He’d be totally resentful of her and lash out. I can lose my job tomorrow and my marriage and life would be fine. It’s about being on the same page as your spouse in terms of communication and values. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037136) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:13 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy the guy sounds like an asshole and i'm not trying to discount that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037143) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:17 PM Author: jade digit ratio native the issue is that LH avoid acknowledging that she has any control or agency with respect to the situation. She is in a shitty situation and probably will get divorced again - being able to remove her child from Europe is another matter if she wants to move back. But if she wants to give it another chance and see if the relationship can be repaired, she needs to stop the self pity and thinking of herself like a victim, and engage her husband as an adult speaking to another adult, rather than a poor soul to whom awful things just happen and so her responses are always justified. If you do not want to actively and genuinely support your husband anymore because you can't stand him, then there is no point trying. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037153) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:20 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i agree with all of that. you and nutella are saying different things in this thread, but i don't take them to be contradictory. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037163) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:25 PM Author: jade digit ratio native nutella views it through the prism of her shitty dad cheating on her mom and treating the family like shit. This is definitely a future to avoid whether or not LH acknowledges her own agency and stops thinking like fulano's sacred cows who move through the world ignorant of the deference others must pay. I view it through the prism of myself as a judgmental, aspie husband who has improved my relationship with my wife by forcing myself to be more respectful and listening outside of my own narrow frame of mind (efficiency is everything). I'm not saying I have hope for LH's marriage, but there is hope for aspie dickhead men to get better. One problem is that if LH wont commit to being the bigger person for a few weeks she wont be able to get her point across and force her husband to acknowledge what he is doing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037176) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:29 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i can see all of that, but without being able to someone measure this man's true thoughts and intentions, hard for an outsider to say whether this guy is more like nutella's dad or you. the millions of words lh has shared in this thread point in somewhat different directions, as to that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037186) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:36 PM Author: jade digit ratio native she is not a reliable narrator. It's hard to tell if these are fights with mean words spoken, or if LH is meekly staring into space while her husband heaps abuse on her. I'm not sure if the issue is so much that I am so vastly different from LH's husband or nutella's dad, so much as the circumstances of the relationships are different and that drives how we handle things. I assume both the husband and nutella's dad are smart enough to be self aware and think about the impact of their behavior, if actually pressed. Honestly if I was in a marriage where my wife showed no interest in being with me and i felt she resented me despite everything I put into the family, I would probably make much less of an effort trying to consider her feelings and think about how what I say and do impacts her - versus just thinking of her like every other trifling pigeon brained twat that sexist men like me harp on about on the internet. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037219) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:39 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy lh, reliable/unreliable? i don't know. far from clear? absolutely i agree from the little that nutella has said that her father was an awful father to her, and essentially only cared for her at all as either a status symbol, or when pressed by his wife/circumstance/social convention. nutella sounds reliable and clear on that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037229) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:51 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Self awareness requires first acknowledging your weaknesses. If you’re talking about a narcissist, there is no self awareness. Given that LH is not actually a damsel in distress, it’s possible that her husband isn’t actually a narcissist. But I don’t think it matters at this point. They clearly don’t respect each other and I think it’s a waste of time to try to salvage the marriage because that would require maturity from both people. I just hope she comes to a course of action rather than being stuck at indecision. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037276) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:32 PM Author: blathering state Ok, so she goes through divorce #2 for some silly, nebulous reason rather than fixing her marriage (which, she also did for divorce #1). Then what? She isn't going to do better third time around, and might do worse. Don't believe me? Those of us from way back remember her talking about her marriage with husband #1. Does this really sound like an improvement? She also isn't really going to stay single. She has r-threaded for many years after her divorce. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037909) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:00 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Why are you saying I am not a reliable narrator? Why do you seem to assume I am mean? When he treats me disrespectfully I tell him I don't like the way he is treating me. Sometimes I am angry. I have not hidden this fact. My parents have stayed with us for weeks at a time and my mom recently told me that my stepfather refers to my husband as "his lordship". She also said that she thinks he is a mean bully and I need to stand up to him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038880) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:04 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you've said you're mean to him but believe it's justified. "unreliable" is a stretch as i suggested above but "unclear" is not. you probably already told mom you thought he was a bully right and she is your mom so... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038893) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:18 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Have i said I am mean to him? I don't think I have? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038928) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:22 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you yell and prod harshly when you feel wronged. you believe it's justified and you're quite possibly right, but it's still at least not pleasant even if not mean right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038938) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:45 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok, that makes sense. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038967) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:48 AM Author: jade digit ratio native yeah by unreliable I mean you approach the issue from the sense that you are a victim - which is honestly how you seem to have approached a lot of problems as you share them on here. So the way you present things is skewed. When you yell or get angry, you don't focus on how this escalates the situation or makes it less likely for either of you to show the affection or respect it takes to simply want to be around each other. You assume your reaction is justified, and maybe it is, but you aren't approaching this issue from a "how do I fix my marriage" perspective - you are approaching it from a "xo please tell me I am justified in leaving my husband" perspective. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039017) Date: April 4th, 2019 8:44 PM Author: blathering state "you aren't approaching this issue from a "how do I fix my marriage" perspective - you are approaching it from a "xo please tell me I am justified in leaving my husband" perspective." This is dead on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38042498) Date: April 3rd, 2019 7:27 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Neither of these people married out of love. They used each other as means to their selfish ends. Now that the superficial attraction has worn off for both of them, neither can really stand the other and the child is delaying the inevitable. OP keeps admitting her flaws and personality defects, but unconvincingly so. It is just an act for us here. She truly doesn't realize how her negativity has impacted the marriage. I don't think she cares, but the real problem is that she *believes* she does. My guess is that he's probably satisfying himself to internet porn every day. You can't be a nagging, insufferable bitch all day and night and then when you are feeling horny expect him to go down on you and pound you out until climax. OP just has unrealistic expectations all around. This is the problem with telling little girls they are princesses entitled to Prince Charming. All the guys they date/marry are compared to this magical Prince Charming and when their man inevitably falls short it is HIS fault. Not saying that the husband is blameless here, but it is clear to me that OP really doesn't care about how he's feeling. The other issue is that since they have crossed what I consider to be an income threshold, money issues dominate their lives. Poor people are overall happier. But good luck to you, OP, your Prince Charming is out there, somewhere. His entire existence is to make you happy. Swipe right. How do you like me now? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037178) Date: April 3rd, 2019 8:11 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker Whoah! Chilmata preaching truth. Didn't know you had this kind of insight. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037332) Date: April 3rd, 2019 9:12 PM Author: cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate there's some truth in this, but jesus i think there's considerable evidence itt of OP's expectations being unrealistic, but it is not unrealistic to expect your husband not to verbally criticize your parenting loudly in public. it's also not unrealistic to expect your husband to show love and care for your kiddo. again: i clearly see a victim mentality being expressed and op needs to attend to that personality deficiency. but she is either fabricating events or she is not being treated with dignity by her spouse. as for you, you can be critical without being brutal you know (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037569) Date: April 3rd, 2019 10:38 PM Author: blathering state They rented out part of the house to pay for the mortgage while she was pregnant. I don't think this is like them arguing about whether they can afford the Bentley or if *sniffle* they may have to settle for a lowly BMW. The problem is that $275k/year isn't a ton of money in places like London, NYC, SF/SV, LA, etc. The rest seems right though, especially the screed about princess and prince charming syndrome and everyone marrying out of selfish reasons instead of out of love/compatibility. That said, neither is likely to do better next time around. The older you get the more likely you are to be pragmatically settling. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38037936) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:53 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't think that people here understand how obsessed he is with money. We didn't have to rent rooms, he just wanted to to improve our financial position because he is completely fucking fixated on money. I agreed because I like having money too. But it wasn't essential. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038866) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:58 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (he's obsessed with money) (i agreed because i am too) sry couldn't resist. could you love this man again? i guess i see the force of the point from some other posters that even if you might be able theoretically to change things, perhaps in practice that just ain't gonnna happen (because you already totally hate him) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038876) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:09 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, I am not obsessed with money. I'm just quite tolerant of plans he might make. I had believed that letting him do what he wants most of the time might result in his being appreciative and caring about my opinion when I feel strongly about something but he has trouble tolerating doing anything not his way (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038905) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:13 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy do you have it in your heart to love this man if he's more redeemable than you feel at the moment? i don't really like the world to be this way, but if you don't those other posters are probably right. you're done with the guy and want validation. but if you're done you don't need the validation; you just need to plan your exit and i guess play pretend and flirt with the 32 year olds for the next 6 months so you can have some romance in your life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038916) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:29 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The main question is how can you confirm if someone is redeemable. Years ago he dumped me after having created a situation that I found untenable. I was very unhappy and he didn't alter his behavior despite knowing that it was hurtful to me. One might say that we were both insistent on having our own ways but what he was doing was hurting me. I clearly told him what the problem was over and over and he just didn't believe me. He read a stupid diary I kept at the time to try to understand what the problem was because he couldn't believe me. And then he still didn't change his behavior. I fear this is the pattern we have followed through our relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038951) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:35 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'd speak very frankly with your husband when you feel you're able to have the sorts of conversations that could either move things forward, or end them. i'd also try to follow earl's tips to the letter. you need to try to show him how he's hurt you without being overly emotive about, and without being overly accusatory about it, and try to see whether he can do differently. it's more complicated by all the custody shit really. a good starting point otherwise would be: do you love me now? did you love before? then why a and b and c and why not x and y and z? even if he's an asshole, his answers to such questions could be illuminating (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038956) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:14 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The thing is that I have done this many times before. He is able to say the right things in the moment but then we always end up back where we started. A recent example is that he apologised for yelling at me on the escalator after I confronted him, but then when I brought this up (calmly) two days later as an example of how he yells at me a lot, he reverted to saying that actually I deserved to be yelled at then so it was an exception. He doesn't want to believe he yells and criticises a lot, so he denies it. When we talk about these things (calmly) he usually does the same thing - minimizes them or explains why actually I am wrong. For example, I have told him he's not allowed to bring up my salary in every discussion about money because it's extremely disrespectful and hurtful. He can't manage this for more than a few weeks. When I wanted to take our daughter to an allergy test that she definitely needed but we would have to pay for (350), he was immediately outraged because we could have it for free if we waited several months and went to a lot of extra appointments. He immediately asked me how long I personally would have to work to pay for the test. When I was upset afterward he denied that he had said this. I don't think that he can tolerate being wrong, nor can he tolerate denying himself the pleasure of insisting on his own way for long. I also think he has a basic lack of respect for me. It's frustrating, but perhaps inevitable, that people here assume that I am largely to blame for this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038995) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:53 AM Author: jade digit ratio native you can't ban him from discussing your salary. You can ask him not to be a dick about it and call him out when he is a dick, but the fact is that your job is something you are doing for self actualization more than family efficiency. That's not necessarily wrong but it is a fair topic of discussion and by blocking any discussion of it, you may be trying to avoid coming to terms that you work for you, and that he works for you (and the family). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039021) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:31 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have told him not to bring it up in situations like the one above. Do you believe that's unreasonable? He brings it up when he wants to attack me for wanting to make an expenditure that he considers unreasonable. He does not bring it up as part of a calm discussion about our finances (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039042) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:35 AM Author: jade digit ratio native given that some people view money as an abstraction I don't think its unreasonable to frame spending in terms of how much you have to work to afford whatever expenditure. His attitude sucks but the point is not unreasonable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039047) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:48 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse But I had already told him that I didn't think it was fair or constructive to mention my salary in this context. I had already explained that it is hurtful. I know the value of money and continuing to treat me like I don't and like I need to be educated on it is insulting and mean, particularly when we have had a discussion where I have drawn a bright line about this particular method of making the abstract real. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039066) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:50 PM Author: jade digit ratio native I'm probably projecting my experience with women and money generally. From my experience women are not as good at planning long term and realizing how much money that takes. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041003) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He's definitely better at that. But that doesn't mean he can continually insult my intelligence and remind me of my meager contribution whenever we have a disagreement (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041140) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:23 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood "But I had already told him that I didn't think it was fair or constructive to mention my salary in this context. I had already explained that it is hurtful." This sounds like you are are shutting down the conversation by being emotionally manipulative. Going by your definition, it may even be "abusive." "I know the value of money and continuing to treat me like I don't and like I need to be educated on it is insulting and mean, particularly when we have had a discussion where I have drawn a bright line about this particular method of making the abstract real." And yet you steadfastly refuse to acknowledge how you have unilaterally decided to allocate a significant portion of your household earning potential towards satisfying your personal needs, wants and desires. Then, to add insult to injury, you forbid him from mentioning this subject in a way that hurts your feelings, i.e., a complete ban on saying that is remotely critical. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041493) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. This was a discussion about getting an allergy test for my child. Yes, her health is a top priority for me and I do have to admit it was very emotionally manipulative of me to shut him down. If he disagrees about an expenditure, he has many other lines of attack available that don't amount to a personal insult to me. And that IS the tone when he brings this up. It's not a neutral discussion about the value of my income. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041651) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:35 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And I might add that even when I made more money than he did, he would refer to himself as breadwinner on the basis that I hated my job and therefore I might quit it at any second (in his opinion) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039046) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:37 AM Author: jade digit ratio native to be fair, you did quit pretty quickly no? What took his balls? Why is he so insecure about his abilities as a provider that he cant get over that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039051) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:44 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I changed jobs on mutual agreement fairly soon after I moved. Two things: 1) He is completely obsessed with money so I doubt he could ever make enough. 2) He didn't get made partner as he had been led to believe and he became very angry at the world. I assume this hit his confidence but he hasn't said that and I haven't probed because I know he would not like that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039058) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:41 AM Author: jade digit ratio native also not once in the 1200 posts have you acknowledged that you are working for you and he is working for "us" - that makes a difference in how men perceive employment and earning money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039054) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:46 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I would have preferred not to balance a child and work. I went back to work at his insistence and because I saw it was the most sensible thing for the household. And I didn't try to refuse or anything. I just expressed reservations about balancing everything. Though he also did something fucking awful when I had to go back which caused a lot of arguments. He has long complained about my shitty salary but only recently has he begun suggesting I should look at other options. We both know that he doesn't want to take any responsibility for our daughter and that other jobs would not offer the same flexibility. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039061) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:11 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And everyone here seems to ignore my point that literally in the same day he will pressure me to move to a 4 day week and then he will complain about my salary and suggest I should take a higher paying job. It's not even intellectually consistent. Being on the receiving end I find it quite bewildering and it feels like there is no correct answer that would result in him respecting my contribution and treating me respectfully. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039083) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:27 AM Author: wonderful new version Wait, how is that intellectually inconsistent? Just take a job that pays > 25% more! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039106) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:29 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He has pushed me to do this in my current job. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039109) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:32 AM Author: wonderful new version jfc. Yeah just do ask for a 40% raise and not get laughed at. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039113) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:17 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh, and in response to your question: I'm not sure if I could trust him not to hurt me. I also see the way he treats other people and it's hard to respect him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038924) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:20 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy the question is have you already made up your mind. and i'm not claiming necessarily that you don't already have enough evidence to think the guy is an awful partner, and even that you should try to minimize his role in parenting the daughter you love (without affirmative trying to poison that relationship) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038936) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think what's happening here is I am struggling with that question. I feel that I have tried to do all the things that are being suggested here. I have not always handled everything perfectly but I have made a good faith effort and I have certainly had calm conversations where I have set out my feelings. I have treated him like someone who cares how I feel and who will respond rationally to rational requests. But he rarely does respond that way other than a few conversations where he says all the things he is supposed to say. (As an aside, he also appears to believe he has no control over himself. He always says, "I don't want to yell at you" but then he does. Constantly over stupid petty shit. I think he believes that if he feels anger he is justified in taking it out on me. He doesn't seem to have much self awareness.) He also vociferously defends himself when he has been unreasonable and unkind. Sometimes far after the incident he will admit he was wrong. He will say, "I go too far sometimes". But if it is pointed out to him in the moment he won't acknowledge any fault. He will blame everyone else. At the same time, the people on the other forum are very convinced that my husband is abusive (based on many updates over a matter of months) and they have tried to convince me that this is true. I also have talked to a counselor who believed he is a narcissist and to other professionals who specialize in abuse and they seem to think his behavior is abusive. People who know about those kinds of things believe that abusive people don't really change. But that's hard for me to accept and I still feel like I am equally to blame somehow. As I have mentioned, I have been so upset about things that I have missed work and cried in the bathroom at work etc. It is having a very adverse impact on me. This has been going on for months now Basically I am very confused. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039041) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:16 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy maybe he says all the right things in part because he believes some of them (not necessarily true as you well know, but i'd take his willingness to say them on occasion as a potential positive sign) i don't think you can ban him from talking about your job in the context of financial expenditures. i know this isn't the only source of conflict in your marriage, but i think it's a major and unresolved source. if you make further efforts to repair the marriage, i highly highly highly urge you to be very concrete about all the reasonable alternatives. hopefully you won't end up disagreeing on which one offers the best mix of money and work life balance, but i think you need to have those talks in any event. what the clinician said from a distance (key part: distance, based on what you were able to share when prompted from your perspective), and what the abuse victims and advocates has also said from a distance, are relevant but not dispositive. i'd be interested to know whether the guy has any close friends, what they're like, and what they think of him, among other things. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040196) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:29 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He has lots of friends. He is very charming. His friends definitely think he is arrogant and very cheap. His best man's speech and our wedding basically was a series of amusing anecdotes about my husband's extreme cheapness. It was all a laugh at his expense. The same friend was clearly annoyed on my behalf over the issue my husband dumped me over several years ago (before then chasing me and convincing me to get back together with him) I don't think he confides in his friends. It's possible he tells them I am an unreasonable bitch but if I ask whether he has asked other people about X specific issue (like how they handle household finances or whatever) he always says no. He doesn't talk about my salary in a constructive way in these discussions. It's always an angry attack. My feeling is that he just wants to make me do what he wants and it is a weapon he can use to achieve this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040294) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:33 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i wonder whether he often lashes out inappropriately at other people he knows well (and/or people he doesn't know that well). i realize that domestic abuse can in some cases be purely a family affair, but in my experience, sociopathic/narcissistic/abusive personalities generally abuse a wide range of others. they either don't care to help it or just can't understand why the behavior is unacceptable (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040312) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is nice to his friends and family. He can be really nasty to service providers. Like to the point that one guy angrily pounded on our door and seemed murderously angry one time, and an electrician threatened to sue him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040361) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:45 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy good sign if he's actually nice to his friends and family mistreating hired help is bad, but not sure from what you've said that he's doing it with the frequency or intensity that would be truly worrying (no one's ever come to my door or threatened to sue me, but i don't know the underlying facts in those instances, and i also don't know how often he's being a dick) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040374) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think he's ok with people as long as they do what he wants. His mom does what he wants at all times. He expects nothing from his father. His friends have no reason to be disappoint him He went mental when the au pair didn't make herself available 24/7. I think he felt he had a right to control what she did, so he was outraged when she didn't fall in line. Similarly, I think he is very angry when I don't do what he wants because he views me as someone whom he has a right to control. He will say we are a partnership but he will only take my views on board if I can explain why this is objectively reasonable and will benefit him. If I want something just because that's how I feel he doesn't care. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040417) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:06 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy then i suppose we're left with your relationship and what you have to say about it. the break up seems interesting. was he a serial cheat or something? that would be a pretty bad sign. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040469) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's a weird situation. We were working in the same office temporarily in his city. I asked to work on the project to be closer to him, at his insistence. He wanted to see me all the time in the office but sometimes he would randomly decide to pretend he didn't know me. So if I texted him to ask for gum or something he would put it in the copy room. But he also wanted to eat dinner with me every night and eat lunch together in the public cafeteria. Once, we were approaching the office together to go in just as we always did. It was raining. Suddenly he said, can I go in first so no one sees us together? (I said fuck you, I'm not waiting in the rain and walked ahead) Basically he would be weird and cold seemingly randomly. He would be angry if he thought I was going to expose our relationship. But when he felt like it he would pay attention to me. It all was on his terms. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040532) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:23 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy if it was supposedly a love relationship at that point he shouldn't have been trying to hide it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040544) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ugh it's all coming back to me now. We discussed that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040557) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:18 PM Author: twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage He’s a narcissist. Leave him. Stop wasting your life being controlled and berated. Do you want your daughter growing up seeing that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040524) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:44 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He showed me his emails to the electrician and I was like wtf there's a chance you're right about this dispute but your messages are extremely rude and seem designed to incite his anger. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040373) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:46 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy if the electrician was trying to rip him off or your husband reasonably thought that, being a snippy dick in correspondence wouldn't shock my conscience. i might do it myself (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040381) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm all for being a snippy dick where warranted. He escalated it REALLY fast. I can't remember the details but I am pretty used to snippy correspondence and I was still quite shocked. I think the electrician was probably in the wrong though (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040400) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:43 AM Author: pontificating heady spot corn cake who the fuck are you loser (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38038966) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:39 AM Author: supple swollen dragon Rate me as a poster. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039053) Date: April 4th, 2019 5:58 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Other/previous monikers? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039069) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:16 AM Author: wonderful new version whok (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039089) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:19 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039093) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:07 AM Author: dashing sepia feces church TY :))))) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118247) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:18 AM Author: wonderful new version Why did you marry a fucking non-westernized turdskin Indian? You think they let women do what they want? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039092) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:20 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is extremely westernised. I didn't understand his family dynamic, which obviously shaped his view on the role women are supposed to play in a relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039095) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:23 AM Author: wonderful new version Westernized aside from his draconian perspective on women’s freedoms within a relationship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039099) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse If you met this guy you would probably find him very charming and enlightened. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039107) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:31 AM Author: wonderful new version I would probably think he’s a striving lawyer douche who is glibly affecting charm, and there is no chance I would find him intellectually interesting or enlightened based on what you said. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039112) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:37 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Hey I looked you up on Facebook (haven't checked your profile in a minute) to do some recon and find out what this guy is about. Wow hes hot! I'm not normally into Indian guys at all but he doesnt look at all Indian, just like a tanned white guy. He is super Chad and studly. You did good for yourself. If you break up with him can I have him? He can tell at me and boss me around all he wants. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039118) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:40 AM Author: wonderful new version You just like gettin pounded out don’t you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039123) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:46 AM Author: French multi-billionaire ofc and he looks like he could do it rill good (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039128) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:47 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman But only twice a year (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039130) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:54 AM Author: French multi-billionaire No no no I could change that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039140) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:58 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039145) Date: April 4th, 2019 7:00 AM Author: French multi-billionaire How hard could it be? Just roll over and start sucking his dick. What, is he going to pushe her off him? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039150) Date: April 4th, 2019 7:03 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman I reckon that'd do the trick (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039156) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:32 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy was going to do a blank bump but sounds like he would push her off. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040584) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse There is a very hard-line rule against cuddling when he is sleeping fwiw (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041023) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:55 PM Author: jade digit ratio native lol and him forcing you to go to bed when he does. have you considered asking him to stop being a silly twat. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041042) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:15 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy well if a week night, that could wake him up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041165) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:50 AM Author: wonderful new version Do those big black titties bounce around a lot when you’re getting slammed? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039132) Date: April 4th, 2019 6:54 AM Author: French multi-billionaire This isn't the Hustler message board. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039139) Date: April 4th, 2019 7:00 AM Author: wonderful new version It was just out of concern. Might make sense to strap those things down. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039152) Date: April 4th, 2019 12:53 PM Author: pontificating heady spot corn cake Wow sounds like an appropriate thing to say to a "friend" you drug addled nigger OP since you've been away from xo for a while or whatever let me tell you this ape is an opioid addict LJL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040403) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:01 PM Author: twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage Face palm. He’s not hot, nor is he Chadly. And this specific piece of info is so inappropriate to say to a “friend”. He sounds abusive and she should leave him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040444) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:31 PM Author: French multi-billionaire How so you know whether hes hot or not? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041531) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:09 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Lol, never change bluesmoke. “Hey it doesn’t matter if your husband is borderline abusive and a shitty father, he’s hot!” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040736) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:12 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy she doesn't know any better but it should be easy to grasp even without the relevant experience. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040749) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:33 PM Author: French multi-billionaire Wow I didn't expect these responses I was just joking.. Oh, I don't really think you should stay with him just because he's hot if you really are as unhappy as you say you are (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041535) Date: April 4th, 2019 7:04 AM Author: shimmering beady-eyed cruise ship I can’t believe some cunt’s shitty marriage thread got 1200 posts. Wtf. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38039160) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:03 PM Author: twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage LEAVE HIM. You should’ve left him yesterday. It’s never too late to restart your life, don’t be scared. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040453) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:16 PM Author: plum spectacular forum OP, question for you. I'm not expecting you to answer these questions here, but you should answer them honestly to yourself. How much money do you have saved in the bank? When you were in your early 20s, what kind of "cushion" did you need in the bank to feel secure? For example, when I was a waiter, I liked to keep a $1,000 cushion in my bank account for emergencies. What kind of cushion do you need now to feel secure? Same question for your husband. Now, look at what you currently have versus what you and your husband's expectations are. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040513) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This is a reasonable question. The main difference between my husband and me is that I'm ok spending less. He is desperate to do a big home renovation project. He wants to send our daughter to private school, etc. I would just...not do those things and enjoy life a bit more. He actually wants to spend ALL our cash, including all of my personal savings in the US, on this renovation thing. He has talked about getting a second mortgage. I would prefer not to. I would love to have as much money as possible saved. He is apparently ok not having a cushion on a short term basis so he can meet his goals. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040549) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:31 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I thought you said he was the frugal one always complaining about how much money you were spending. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040582) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:34 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's ok to spend money on his goals. The house is an investment etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040593) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:51 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Ok, I think I see what the root of the problem is then. Two parts. 1. Your financial goals/priorities are not aligned. 2. You don't respect each other. You both need to do some sacrificing to show the other one you respect their wants/needs/desires. What kind of sacrifice can you make to ensure he gets his big picture dreams? What kind of sacrifices can he make to ensure you have all your bells and whistles? He needs to pay more attention to his tone when he talks to you. You need to give him the attention he needs when he tries talking to you. One of you is going to need to fall on your sword first and that should probably be you. "Honey, I'm sorry. I've realized I've been a fucking bitch and have treated you like shit. I love you and want to make this work. I've been pushing you away." And then don't segue into his faults. Guys HATE to reminded of their faults. Take full responsibility even though you are only half to blame. If he's redeemable he will do the same to you in return. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040664) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:34 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy he likes to spend big money on big stuff (like many men), she likes to spend money constantly on smaller stuff like direct business class and shoes for the daughter (like many women) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040595) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:37 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Business class? That's really unfair. Have you flown with a toddler? It's truly a nightmare, and he does fuck all to help (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040605) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:40 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy tone doesn't always carry over. i was exaggerating for effect for the sake of humor. still, i do think there is a gendered character to the spending priorities in your union, and i'm not saying he's right (in fact i'd side with you: lots of nice things for the kidlet matters more than big house) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040616) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Understood :) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040620) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:17 PM Author: Tan confused plaza mental disorder (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040514) Date: April 4th, 2019 1:33 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Yeah, that's what this thread needs--more blank bumps. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040589) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:49 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Oh I didn't realize he wants to spend lots of money on shit he wants. It's one thing if he is cheap and applies that cheapness to his own life and interests, but to make you live a different standard of living because you make less money is shitty. Does he spend more on himself besides home improvement shit? Do not EVER let him touch your sole premarital assets in the US. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38040992) Date: April 4th, 2019 2:57 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He conceptualises the renovation as an investment so he doesn't see it that way. Our kitchen is truly shitty but I'd rather wait until we can pay for the extension without stress. He doesn't usually spend much money on other things tbf (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041051) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:16 PM Author: plum spectacular forum You are just choosing sides which isn't going to help her. She needs to stop invalidating what he wants to spend money on. She clearly thinks their money should be spent on the things *she* wants and not on the things *he* wants. There is $100. He wants to invest it in the house. She wants to buy something for the kid. What is happening is that they are arguing over the best use of that money as if there is a right or wrong answer. $50 of that money is his and $50 is his. The solution is that they invest $50 towards the house, and use the other $50 to buy shit for the kid. Both are sacrificing, both are getting what they want. That is how a marriage should work. Instead, we have two selfish, self-righteous individuals digging in their heels pointing fingers. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041173) Date: April 4th, 2019 3:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, what is happening is he complains about how I want to spend any money because he considers that it all needs to go into his project. I have never complained about any money he has spent ever. He complains about how I spend my own money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041301) Date: April 4th, 2019 4:09 PM Author: jade digit ratio native that you are married and have your own money is a problem itself - though I guess I understand why. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38041423) Date: April 4th, 2019 8:00 PM Author: blathering state Yeah, we have all joint bank accounts so I have no idea how I would identify "her money" or "my money" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38042335) Date: April 5th, 2019 3:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The arrangement works out quite well for him as he obviously makes more money and therefore controls more money. Though if we shared all the money he would then be even more angry about my expenditures. In the medical appointment example he angrily said that I could use my own money for it. You maybe could say that I was being stubborn not to agree to this. When he then insisted on getting her the free appointment (which took many extra appointments, at least one of which I attended), he suggested to me that the joint account should pay his personal account the sum for having saved us this money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044080) Date: April 5th, 2019 10:13 AM Author: blathering state You know, we had a time when we argued over money when she made far less and my wife suggested splitting bank accounts. I bitterly opposed it because I knew perfectly well that who pays for what out of what account would become a daily argument. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044758) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:12 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Lol I hope he was kidding. The only time I’ve reimbursed my personal (premarital) account for anything was when I paid $5000 in property taxes on the deadline because I couldn’t find our joint checkbook. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045891) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:25 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He said it by text and I ignored. He later mentioned it as a dig when I said something that annoyed him (he was due to take her to one of her extra appointments the next day and tried to make me prepare her bag at like 11:30 pm. I said it was his job and then expressed sincere surprise that he still had so much to do to prepare for it). After a lengthy argument he claimed he had just said it to make a point about how I don't value money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045941) Date: April 5th, 2019 4:04 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This morning's illustrative example: The au pair is sick. My husband asked me to get our daughter ready and he will take her to daycare on his way to work (I am working from home). I did this, no problem. When she was nearly ready, he called up to complain that there weren't enough diapers in her bag. I asked if he could get them because I was brushing her teeth. He said he was busy getting ready so no. I did it. We were downstairs 2 minutes later. He became increasingly impatient as I put on her shoes and coat. This takes a long time because she is 2 and wants to do everything herself. After all this he started berating me for not getting her ready faster. I said in bewilderment that he hadn't said she needed to be ready by a certain time. (I had gotten her ready on time for the daycare deadline). He said it was OBVIOUS when he would have to go. (In no way obvious. His schedule just changed and he either takes his bike or public transport and I have no idea how long either takes). He continued telling me off as I shut the door behind them. To me he obviously was just angry and wanted to take it out on someone. He refused to get the diapers so he either wasn't ready to go or wanted to make a power play because he thinks I should take care of this (it's normally the au pair's job). If he had given me a deadline, I would have met it. Instead I just went for the default and he waited until it was all done to yell at me. He probably went to work and told them that he was late because he was such a good father doing the drop-off / his wife held him up (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044213) Date: April 5th, 2019 4:09 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy pretzel that sounds maybe just like a busy guy aside from the anger. you two don't communicate well and maybe neither of you have the time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044220) Date: April 5th, 2019 4:20 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think the key is "aside from the anger". He feels entitled to take his stress out on me. He definitely won't realize later that he was snappy and apologize. More likely he will bring this up again as an example of how shit I am. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044237) Date: April 5th, 2019 4:25 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you're not shit and you're good and trying to do your best. but either a) you haven't talked this out and come to agreements previously properly or b) it's hopeless and you need to go. i'm not sure earl and nutella can really help you distinguish a from b without more than either can know. you should probably talk to your husband again, even though he always says the right things and always does the wrong things (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044244) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:12 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Well, I have texted him to say that he was out of line blaming me and if he has a time he needs to leave he needs to communicate this. I did say I'm sorry if he was late. Thus far he has ignored A problem here is that not every situation is foreseeable, so you can't always have contingency plans. If the response in the moment is always negative, blaming, and dysfunctional it's hard to work with that. If questioned, he will say that I am a great mother and they are lucky to have me. If he is annoyed he will point to a list of things he has decided are bad about me with examples. Last year he invited his parents for Easter lunch, obvious assumption I will make it. I made a very simple meal except I marinated the lamb (which everyone wanted) and I made a dessert the day before. I told him the night before that I needed to get up at X time to prepare everything for 1 pm, including the time consuming potatoes everyone expects. He was OUTRAGED and tried to convince me I was wrong. I know how to plan a meal so I ignored him and went ahead as planned. After the meal he was OUTRAGED by all the dishes. He said he had invited his parents because this would be easier than going to their house. I ruined this plan. He has since brought this up several times as an example of how I always go overboard with cooking. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044308) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:26 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you're a notoriously good cook here. look you hate this guy right now and maybe he's incapable of love and thus you should hate him. maybe it's fixable (but it's interesting right: not many itt claim to know whether it is), but if not i'd cook a tasty easter dinner with you. there are lots of conversations you're desperate to have with this man (i.e. hubby) and yet can't right now. i hope they happen soon. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044327) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:32 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks. I appreciate your advice and support! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044335) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:27 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Wow it sounds like he remembers. EVERYTHING and holds grudges forever. I hate people like that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044329) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:38 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean, in this case I didn't even perceive myself as doing something wrong. I love cooking and I didn't mind making a meal. I was very happy to host his parents. He took issue with the way I did it. He insisted that if I weren't such a perfectionist I could have made an adequate meal in less time. He said he will do it next time to prove this to me. I just don't know how to deal with this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044341) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:41 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Sigh I really don't know what to say *hugs* (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044346) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:44 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you're a great cook but both of you could've made a more than adequate meal in less time. tell me where to buy your delicious kitchen stylings and maybe i could help solve all these terrible money troubles (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044350) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:50 AM Author: French multi-billionaire You nevet answered me! Why did you laugh at mw in that other thread I thought we were FRIENDS I ALWAYS defend you when people like earl make fun of you Wtf (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044355) Date: April 5th, 2019 11:28 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy link? friends can laugh at friends, and i think you're stuck in a pretty unhealthy posting loop at the moment. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045059) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:08 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I actually don't think I could have. I think he is bad at project planning and management and just imposed his unrealistic ideas on me. If they wanted to eat a large number of crispy delicious potatoes and a large piece of lamb (which they did), it simply was going to take a long time to prepare. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045875) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:16 PM Author: jade digit ratio native I have to do the dishes so I get annoyed when my wife uses every single container possible to House every single ingredient separately. Also spending $$$ on weird random and easily substituted ingredients which will be wasted after one meal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045904) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:20 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks for sharing your highly relevant experience :) I don't do that. If you cook a roast and make a shitload of roasted potatoes for a group the mess will look substantial afterward. That is the nature of making a holiday meal for family. The menu was non-negotiable. I already described the only extra bits I added in. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045921) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:30 PM Author: jade digit ratio native it is relevant! when you cut up 5 different veggies for the sauce it makes a difference if each ingredient gets it own container or you dump them in a big bowl! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045965) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:37 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I didn't make a sauce! It was a hunk of meat, some potatoes, and a simple veg! If I am cutting up a lot of ingredients for a sauce and they need to be cooked for different periods of time I put them in separate containers (all chopping should be done first). If they get dumped in together I would not. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046008) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:52 PM Author: jade digit ratio native ha okay - well it sounds absurd that your husband would bitch at you for getting up early to cook and then cooking a big meal for everyone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046100) Date: April 5th, 2019 3:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think he was angry he had to watch our daughter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046224) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:42 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He has now replied apologizing for being grumpy. That's something. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044348) Date: April 5th, 2019 10:15 AM Author: blathering state This falls into the typical marriage bickering category. Everyone is tired and busy and in a rush so everyone ends up snappy over small shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38044763) Date: April 5th, 2019 11:29 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045063) Date: April 5th, 2019 1:13 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I’d agree if it’s not in front of the child. Children are very sensitive to this stuff and internalize it. My son gets visibly distressed amd starts saying “you don’t talk to mommy/daddy that way!” if either of us raises our voice at the other. Also esp bad for a father to berate mom in front of daughter and she thinks it’s normal for men to talk to women like that at some point. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045533) Date: April 5th, 2019 1:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I take it your view hasn't changed the more you have read? Or has it? Edit: I ask because you are one of the few people with children, and who has seemed to think maybe the problem is unsolvable by me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045690) Date: April 5th, 2019 1:59 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes My view hasn’t changed. You may be an unreliable narrator or provoke/react poorly to your husband but unless you’re straight up lying and making stories about how he treats your daughter and how you speaks to you in front of her, I don’t find his behavior acceptable. Neither TMF nor earl has focused on that at all since they are both childless freaks. Perhaps if they ever have their own child, they might recognize how egregious it is for a father to act like that in front of a child. In fact he probably learned it from his own dad and thinks it’s normal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045835) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks. Sadly, not lying. It has occurred to me that he learned this from his father. I have grown to dislike his father in part because I kind of assume he has. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045852) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:12 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes And have you yourself learned to be the victim from your mom? Sounds like she wasn’t in the best relationship either with your (ex?) stepfather. One of the most important things we do as parents is to model positive human interaction for our kids. We want to teach them to be respectable toward everyone and show them that yelling and sulking and tantrums dont work. If adults are acting like toddlers, how do you expect the actual toddler to learn the proper way to behave? This can cause life long harm. I will point out that you yourself also need to keep anger and emotions in check if he starts with you in front of her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045894) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Probably, it's gross. I have tried to model calmly standing up for myself but he always acts like a dick so greyrock may be the way forward. I really don't think I have tantrums and I don't sulk much. I just let his unreasonable behavior get under my skin and I become defensive. Edit: and yes, I know it's not that mature. But I think he actually tries to needle me and say hurtful things so it's difficult not to respond. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045932) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:28 PM Author: blathering state Sounds like you both have some immature tendencies that feed off of each other. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045956) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I definitely am at a loss as to how to respond to someone who's supposed to love me but constantly puts me down and/or ignores/invalidates my explicit wishes. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045998) Date: April 5th, 2019 3:01 PM Author: blathering state You tell him to cut it out and to stop being a dick over small shit because it ruins your relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046151) Date: April 5th, 2019 6:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Or at least keep it together in front of my daughter, as Nutella says. It was extremely upsetting when she tried to defend me. It's not healthy for children to think they need to protect their parents. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046883) Date: April 5th, 2019 6:13 PM Author: twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage You’re right that’s really sad. You need to protect her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046899) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:24 PM Author: blathering state I agree, though I'll note that my parents absolutely never hid their drama from me (huge blowout fights) and often put me right in the middle of it and I turned out surprisingly ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058066) Date: April 5th, 2019 2:27 PM Author: blathering state I'm just saying, if we have kids I'm sure we will snap at each other, especially in the AM in front of them. That's just life, and with kids everyone is even more stressed and tired and in a bad mood. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045948) Date: April 6th, 2019 3:43 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Yep My father always puts down my mother and says misogynistic shit like "women are bad drivers." My brother definitely internalized it and he's a huge misogynist himself now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048619) Date: April 6th, 2019 3:53 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Gross (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048631) Date: April 7th, 2019 6:58 PM Author: blathering state As a note: women tend to be much worse drivers. That's just a fact. It isn't universal, but lol @ giving this as an example of misogyny. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054544) Date: April 7th, 2019 8:20 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate link? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054994) Date: April 7th, 2019 10:28 PM Author: blathering state Do you not drive? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055487) Date: April 7th, 2019 10:30 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate i asked for a link (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055495) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:39 PM Author: blathering state http://gothamist.com/2011/07/07/study_says_women_really_are_bad_dri.php (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057625) Date: April 7th, 2019 8:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Jesus, seriously? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055036) Date: April 7th, 2019 10:21 PM Author: blathering state In most of the world this statement wouldn't even be controversial. It would just be accepted as a given. Sort of like "women care more about fashion than straight men." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055464) Date: April 5th, 2019 1:16 PM Author: free-loading jewess tl;dr OP is a skank (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38045550) Date: April 5th, 2019 4:56 PM Author: concupiscible volcanic crater love of her life Lol @ this thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046657) Date: April 5th, 2019 5:57 PM Author: blathering state It is officially XO's longest/most successful thread. What does that say about us? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38046851) Date: April 6th, 2019 3:35 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We went on our weekly date night yesterday and I had an insight: he's always been a bit of a dick, but a lot of our immediate, acute problems stem from the fact that he truly hates being a parent. Lots of the conversation turned on the fact that he finds our daughter extremely annoying and he despises having his freedom constrained. Don Draper style dickheads live! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048607) Date: April 6th, 2019 3:52 AM Author: French multi-billionaire LOL I was peeping all the fancy spots you guys are at in your facebook page and thinking "wow he seems like such a nice guy in pics and he still makes it a priority to have romantic dates with her." Are these pics all from your scheduled weekly date nights? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048630) Date: April 6th, 2019 3:55 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, those will largely be from nice (but usually cheap) vacations we took before having a child. Our date nights are usually to local restaurants, which is fine because our neighbourhood is pretty great. Edit: I will admit that he does want to have a date night every week. It's odd given he seems to hate me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048635) Date: April 6th, 2019 4:07 AM Author: jade digit ratio native could be worse. I just finished revising loan documents for my date night and my mother in law is staying with us for a week. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048645) Date: April 6th, 2019 4:10 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Is this every week? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048647) Date: April 6th, 2019 4:09 AM Author: Cocky charcoal chapel rigpig and you guys don't have sex afterwards.... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048646) Date: April 6th, 2019 4:12 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Who has the energy when you have an annoying baby at home, amirite??? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048648) Date: April 7th, 2019 2:35 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate sex is something young people do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053364) Date: April 6th, 2019 4:17 AM Author: French multi-billionaire Nah. Not to be Doobs but the pics I saw are post-baby. I didn't go three years back on your page lol I'm way too lazy for that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38048651) Date: April 7th, 2019 12:57 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse God, he is just subtly a dick all the time. We agreed to go somewhere for lunch and he unilaterally changed his mind at the last minute and said we would go for dinner instead. Then later he remembered that I need to make up work due to taking our daughter to an appointment and he said we wouldn't go for dinner either. He watched our daughter while I went to the grocery store. He didn't put her down for the nap she desperately needed but I have discovered that he did let her rip up a magazine I had on my desk. I texted him "you let our daughter rip up my magazine" and he simply responded that he assumed i didn't need it. No apology or acknowledgement that this might be annoying. I separately tried to articulate why the restaurant thing was annoying and i gave him a hug. I am really trying. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38052908) Date: April 7th, 2019 1:50 PM Author: French multi-billionaire How did he react when you hugged him? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053147) Date: April 7th, 2019 1:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He hugged me back (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053153) Date: April 7th, 2019 2:26 PM Author: French multi-billionaire Well that's good at least! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053303) Date: April 7th, 2019 3:32 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy lunch and dinner dates don't always come off. kids enjoy tearing stuff up and you have to decide in the moment whether the destruction is worth making an issue of. the new yorker and london review of books are online anyway (as is vanity fair) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053623) Date: April 7th, 2019 3:37 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He just didn't feel like it and he isn't worried about others' feelings. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053645) Date: April 7th, 2019 6:58 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point Agreed..this doesn't seem like something worth creating an issue. Kid probably enjoyed ripping it up (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054541) Date: April 7th, 2019 8:25 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse You should see how he flips out constantly over extremely minor stuff. He shouts at her if she even comes near his speakers. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055011) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:00 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054557) Date: April 7th, 2019 3:41 PM Author: Slimy nighttime son of senegal center You sound like you're mentally ill. Doesn't mean your husband isn't a neurotic turdskin asshole, but you're not a healthy individual either. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053660) Date: April 7th, 2019 3:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Probably not. This situation isn't helping. I can't really fully convey how fucking bizarrely crazy and controlling he was for a few months. I've been flipping out since. Edit: also it's true that the stuff I mentioned here is kind of petty bullshit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38053677) Date: April 7th, 2019 6:54 PM Author: blathering state A few observations: 1. So remember above how you said he never helps with the kids? You've now told two real-life stories where he has clearly parented your daughter. The one above where he took her to daycare and this one. 2. Remember the big fight over not watching your daughter on the escalator or whatever and you were mad that he questioned you're parenting? Here you're mad he didn't put her for a nap and she destroyed a magazine. The point I'm getting at is that you can discern from your posting that if he were ITT that we would get a very different side to this entire story from him. I agree with what another poster said that none of this is to say he isn't legitimately a dick, but you sound like you deal plenty back in that regard too. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054523) Date: April 7th, 2019 6:55 PM Author: jade digit ratio native yeah but she is justified to be mad because he is a jerk to her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054529) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:00 PM Author: blathering state I don't disagree but I wonder to what extent she is in a passive-aggressive manner also pushing his buttons. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054553) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:05 PM Author: jade digit ratio native im being sarcastic. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054582) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:08 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse So you think that this is what is happening? I'm just as bad? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054610) Date: April 7th, 2019 9:20 PM Author: Provocative crimson resort mexican it's clear you don't love this guy and want out of the relationship. that's not mutually exclusive with him being a dickhead, but you're clearly crafting the narrative to justify eventually breaking up the family because you're not happy. i remember you going through similar self-serving and tortured rationalizations for your cheatmo adventures back in the day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055212) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:36 PM Author: plum spectacular forum (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057605) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm also not detailing every single shitty thing he has done. I don't think he even is aware of a lot of it. Like he just assumes I will do everything childcare related. This morning we had to go to a special event at her daycare and it was my turn to sleep in. He woke me up with just enough time for me to get myself ready but she wasn't ready either. I had to get her ready too (because if we are both available she will cry hysterically until I take care of her instead of him) and we were late. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054637) Date: April 7th, 2019 10:27 PM Author: blathering state This seems like silly bickering. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055483) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:03 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. Well when the pattern of silly bickering over years goes one way all the time it's pretty exhausting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38056368) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:46 PM Author: blathering state Yeah, your examples demonstrate it isn't "one way." I get it, you post hoping everyone will say your husband is terrible and you should divorce. In this day and age it isn't hard to get people to say that. But just remember, the consequences of doing that is on you. At the end of the day, you end up alone, aging, with a kid from a dad that now legitimately hates you and who will fight you at every step because he can. Whatever financial issues you have now are going to get worse. And you'll be dealing from the fallout from this marriage/child many, many years regardless. It won't be like first one where you can walk away and everyone will just move on because now there's a kid involved. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057667) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is suddenly making a big effort to be less of a dick. I'm not sure why. These are very rare examples of him being ok with looking after her. Usually I am punished later if he has to do it much. People who believe in abuse theory (eg the ladies on my other message board) would say that right now he is trying to hook me back in by acting like a decent human being. It's actually something of a mindfuck if I'm honest. All he did when he took her to daycare was just that. I had to fully get her ready and he was already leaving the house. And he laid into me for doing it wrong. On the escalator he publicly yelled at me with real anger over a few seconds where I was doing my best. On this occasion I sent him an annoyed text. He responded acknowledging that he allowed her to rip up my magazine. I replied with irritation. That was the end of it. I'm not going to lie about being annoyed with him frequently. He is usually a very lazy parent and he yells at our daughter constantly. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054602) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:20 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate obviously he's a poster (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054679) Date: April 7th, 2019 8:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm sure he's not but that would be quite the twist! He definitely is keen for me to put all of my money into the extension he wants to get done imminently. So this may be part of it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054918) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:28 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point Sounds like most of your resentment towards him centers on the fact that he won't help with child care. From his perspective, he hates his job and feels he'll never be able to escape it because his wife is always trying to spend money. So he thinks why should he help with child care when he slaves in an office all day? Frankly, neither of you really understands where the other is coming from, and all of your actions collectively are spent on what's best for yourselves as individuals (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054720) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, I also have a lot of resentment which derives from his lack of empathy and treatment of me as his personal assistant. He may think I am constantly wasting money but...I don't. For his part, he is now planning to spend like 400-500 on a mirror we don't need. I am confused about how he has time to think about this but I don't care about the expenditure other than thinking it's misguided. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054748) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:37 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point Not sure if this was addressed in one of the 1000+ posts above, but was your relationship good before the kid came along? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054771) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Not really. He has bullied me into a lot of things and disregarded my feelings many times over the years. He was also frequently insensitive and dismissive during my pregnancy. My resentment has definitely built up over the years and I regret this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054818) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:48 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point So basically there's nothing to save here and you're going to divorce and that'll be it. Is that correct? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054842) Date: April 7th, 2019 7:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't know. I am ashamed of myself for being annoyed with him today. I don't understand why I don't seem to be able to just suck it up and forget about the past. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054872) Date: April 7th, 2019 8:00 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point Probably shouldn't be ashamed. He sounds like an asshole. The two of you need marriage counseling for the good of the kid. If that doesn't work, then divorce, life is too short (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054909) Date: April 7th, 2019 8:03 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We had some marriage counseling. I was very, very angry in the sessions. He was extremely defensive and explained why my anger was all wrong. Then he was extra mean and controlling outside the sessions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054926) Date: April 7th, 2019 9:25 PM Author: Provocative crimson resort mexican "People who believe in abuse theory (eg the ladies on my other message board)" LMAO, so you require two message boards to properly vent our angst? And FYI, XO's commentary might be a bit harsh but it's objective and realistic. A board full of clucking urban shrews is going to indulge your ego and victimhood fantasies to negative results. You're clearly eager to be consoled as a victim and you're going to warp your mind by only soliciting the feedback you want. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055233) Date: April 7th, 2019 10:19 PM Author: blathering state You can already tell from this thread that she loves feminist bullshit, so yes, no doubt this is exactly what is going on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055451) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:07 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I couldn't understand why he was so mean and uncaring of my feelings in a number of situations and I posted about a few discrete issues on the message board. Every time I did so, people eventually were like, uh your husband sounds abusive. The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, who completely fucked up her childhood and caused her lasting emotional trauma. I think I have been fairly clear that I am having an emotional breakdown or something and that posting here is a self-destructive act since you all would obviously never in a million years agree that someone is being abused unless they were actually being beaten daily or something. Posting on multiple forums shouldn't be that surprising. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38056372) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:33 PM Author: nofapping stag film 190 post (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057587) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:37 PM Author: nofapping stag film The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, The ladies there are not clucking urban shrews. A lot of them are like stay at home moms or have five kids or whatever. One lady registered because she was lurking on my threads and she says that my husband reminds her of her father, (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057611) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:35 PM Author: blathering state I seriously suggest you see a psychiatrist. Your husband might want to see one too. I'm generally against pills but you two might be an exception. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057603) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:39 PM Author: plum spectacular forum (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057629) Date: April 7th, 2019 8:17 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman This is such minor shit it seems like you're just grasping at reasons to continue being angry at him. Lunch plans change, it's no big deal. Toddlers rip things. No use getting angry about it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38054987) Date: April 7th, 2019 9:21 PM Author: Provocative crimson resort mexican Who the fuck gets mad over a magazine? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38055218) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:09 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. He was looking after her for literally 25 minutes and couldn't be bothered to play with her or pay attention to her, so he gave her my magazine or was relieved when she started ripping it up rather than requiring attention from him (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38056374) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:33 PM Author: nofapping stag film 180 post (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057586) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:36 PM Author: nofapping stag film Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. Really? Then why didn't he give her one of his magazines? I know exactly what was happening. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057607) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:34 PM Author: blathering state Who has paper magazines anymore anyway? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057590) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:35 PM Author: jade digit ratio native dude, step back for a second. magazines... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057601) Date: April 8th, 2019 1:31 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's not just about the magazine. He pays basically zero attention to our child. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057882) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:36 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin yea what a fucking dick. also you totally aren't batshit insane and insufferable (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057609) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:42 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman youre unhinged. jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057648) Date: April 8th, 2019 12:49 PM Author: blathering state Remember when I said she was an unreliable narrator and that all of this is skewed towards her POV? This is basically proof of that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057679) Date: April 8th, 2019 1:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I asked an IRL friend about this and she agreed it was dickish. I didn't say it was the worst thing in the world. It was just obnoxious. My irritation was compounded by the fact that he should have been putting our daughter down for a nap during this time, but he doesn't take responsibility for doing parenting tasks. She was an absolute manic mess after this. This wasn't the topic of a big fight contrary to what people seem to think. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057875) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:18 PM Author: blathering state "I asked an IRL friend about this and she agreed it was dickish." Ok, this is relevant when you say "my friend who was there", but otherwise, your friend knows exactly what we know, right? "My irritation was compounded by the fact that he should have been putting our daughter down for a nap during this time" I get that, but this is the sort of thing he complains about too, right? Sounds like you two just like to nitpick everything the other person does and doesn't let things go. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058046) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My friend has a baby and it wasn't difficult to explain the situation. I basically asked dick or not dick, and she said dick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058484) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:36 PM Author: blathering state I get that, but that doesn't lend itself any more credibility than anyone else's response here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059686) Date: April 8th, 2019 5:08 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Maybe I am surrounded by dicks, but this is like 80% of dads I know. They just don't relate to their toddlers the same way mothers do. I am not trying to say it's ok, just that it's hardly unique, and it's definitely one of those instances where you need to adapt rather than fight. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058754) Date: April 8th, 2019 5:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am sure that mothers are more in tune with their babies on average. That's only natural. I would say my husband is less in tune with our daughter than most dads I know of. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058786) Date: April 8th, 2019 5:10 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Hey, asshole. I said she was an unreliable narrator, and you agreed with me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058768) Date: April 8th, 2019 1:37 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes So I don’t know what happens every time your husband watches daughter alone, but what you described could be completely innocuous. Dinners and lunches get cancelled easily, esp with changing schedules and children. I hate missed naps too, but sometimes inevitable. If he doesn’t actually know her napping schedule at all, that more problematic, esp since a 2+ year old takes just 1 nap. As for the magazine, I can think of plenty of examples where my toddler drew on or ripped up things from both of us since that is what toddlers do. Of course, if he really is giving her specifically your magazine on purpose instead of his magazine because he views his as off limits, that is a dick move, but also, sometimes people just grab whatever is around or available in front of them (like when my husband let my toddler draw all over some subway coupons i specifically told him I wanted to use). Are you sure you’re not reading too much into his motivations? So much of what you described can just be slightly annoying things in all child rearing and marriages. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057902) Date: April 8th, 2019 1:42 PM Author: milky sinister idiot brunch You make $500k and are clipping subway coupons lol 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057920) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:33 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058093) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:30 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061179) Date: April 8th, 2019 1:45 PM Author: Narrow-minded address death wish like when my husband let my toddler draw all over some subway coupons i specifically told him I wanted to use If you thought this guy had it bad because he needs laser hair removal for his back and botox, just add to it that Nutella is on his ass over not being able to score that free chips & soda w/ her cold cut combo + avo ($1 extra, but she can afford that luxury) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057926) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:34 PM Author: blathering state ljl. I guess he isn't allowed to cum tonight. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058097) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:09 PM Author: nofapping stag film why are they going to subway. isn't LA lousy with cheap healthy fast casual places (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058220) Date: April 8th, 2019 1:48 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse She doesn't have a strict napping schedule but he takes zero responsibility for putting her down. If she doesn't want to go to sleep he just won't put her to bed (including at night. It's all on me if I am available). I'm sure he wasn't being vindictive about the magazine. He just doesn't care that much about anyone else and he refuses to admit fault, no matter how big or small the issue. With the lunch/dinner thing nothing specific changed other than his whims. He just didn't feel like it anymore and he doesn't really care that I might have been excited or planned my time around our agreement. Similarly, starting in early February he made a huge deal about how we would go on a trip at the end of March. But then he refused to plan it and just said that it was too expensive and it would be miserable with our daughter so there is no point. I had gotten excited about the options, mentioned lots of ideas and suggestions, and then he just unilaterally decided to shut it down after having been the one to suggest it in the first place. He acted like I was an unreasonable bitch and said that if I need to plan ahead, we won't go anywhere (I had told them I needed to give work more than a week's notice if I was going on vacation for two weeks). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38057937) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:35 PM Author: blathering state "He just doesn't care that much about anyone else and he refuses to admit fault, no matter how big or small the issue." (my mom, bickering at my dad verbatim but in Russian) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058098) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:44 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Was that a fair statement? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058121) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:38 PM Author: blathering state Not really. I mean, everyone is ultimately selfish but he genuinely meant well and means well, while she often did self-suffering bullshit and caused drama. Overall, to this day I'm happy to spend time with dad while I can't stand mom and will get into fights with her if I spend too much time with her (more than a day). This is probably one reason why I instinctively react negatively to many of your posts. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058348) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ah, I see. Well, my husband is very self serving. He may give off a more low key vibe to someone who doesn't know us well, but he is insanely type A and far more nitpicky and critical than I am. Fwiw my daughter would MUCH rather spend time with me. Obviously she is 2 and this may change. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058416) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:35 PM Author: blathering state I'm just saying, at 2 I think I may have preferred my mom too. 2-year-olds are braindead. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059674) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:16 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Do you know any 2 year olds? They're really not. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061167) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:57 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy they're cute but objectively dumb. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061190) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:35 PM Author: blathering state tcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062359) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:11 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Did you ask him to put her down for a nap or do bedtime? Does he flat out say no if you ask? We have a strict napping and bedtime schedule, which greatly simplifies our lives and we alternate who does bedtime with each child since the baby still goes to sleep earlier around 7. We also do not allow children in our bed and never have. Children’s sleep causes a lot of marital problems and disagreements. You guys would need to really sit down and have a conversation about who does what on what days, if you have any hope of making this work. As for unilaterally deciding on canceling or changing plans for dinner and vacations, I honestly don’t know how you resolve that other than express your disappointment calmly without anger. I suppose you might’ve already done that and he doesn’t care. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058230) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse On this occasion I did not say those words, no. However, we had just discussed that she desperately needed a nap. A day or two before he wanted me to make dinner and I asked him to put her to bed and he basically refused on the basis that she didn't want to. I can see that children's sleep causes a lot of issues, and why. * if you have any hope of making this work.* Are you changing your view re whether this is a good idea? Yeah, he just doesn't care about what I want generally. I can say it calmly or not calmly with about equal results usually. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058277) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:19 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I don’t think I’m changing my view but just saying that if you reframed the way you looked at some of the anecdotes, it amounts to normal marriage and child rearing annoyances and friction. If you guys can communicate (a big if), then theoretically this friction can be solved by coming up with a concrete plan for getting along (bed time is X, you do bedtime every other day, alternate picking a place to eat etc). But that seems pretty much impossible in your situation, esp if he unilaterally decides on your plans day to day or refuses to do anything other than minimal childcare. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058543) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:44 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Seems fair. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058657) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:46 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Seems fair. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058669) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:20 PM Author: jade digit ratio native what you describe is typical selfish behavior but its not abuse. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058264) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I didn't say it was? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058282) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:41 PM Author: flatulent electric furnace indian lodge Hi. I miss you. I just found this thread. What is the best way to contact you? I haven't read this whole thread yet, but I'm sorry things are so rough and I haven't been a better friend lately. I'd love to just talk. Sent you a Christmas card but not even sure it went to the right address. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058113) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:45 PM Author: blathering state Holy crap. Here's another 100+ posts. How have you been Rina? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058124) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:57 PM Author: flatulent electric furnace indian lodge Hi TMF <3 Glad to see you still here, too. I've only read the first 10% or so of this thread, but sounds like things are still going strong with you and MND--awesome. Definitely don't mean to derail this even more with more posts. Poasts, heh. But we're doing well. Still living in same place, etc. About to dash my kids off to this Japanese nature forest group thing we do on Mondays. So I guess things are a little different, too! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058164) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:11 PM Author: nofapping stag film "japanese forest" o_O sounds scary ... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058228) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:40 PM Author: blathering state Great to see you too! You're not derailing this at all. This is XO's most successful thread and the aspie in me LOVES seeing the numbers increase. :) Glad to see you guys are doing well too! Japanese nature forest sounds awesome. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058356) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:48 PM Author: Charismatic home holy shit sup rina! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058132) Date: April 8th, 2019 10:00 PM Author: flatulent electric furnace indian lodge hello (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38060070) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hi! I miss you, too. I am sorry that I have been a bad friend and I don't think that you have been! I have been consumed with this situation since things really blew up in October and I have been even worse at communicating than usual. You can reach me at my usual email! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058295) Date: April 8th, 2019 9:59 PM Author: flatulent electric furnace indian lodge Ok, awesome. Sucks that it has blown up; you seemed so happy even last summer. I've been kind of an equal opportunity bad friend, esp since new baby was born in Nov. It'll be good to reconnect. Please hang in there. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38060067) Date: April 8th, 2019 2:53 PM Author: vivacious pale friendly grandma Wow, going to get to 1400 posts. This is how you bad-marriage thread, top shelf. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058149) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:39 PM Author: Translucent windowlicker You have to step up your game bro -- you and Thunder Collins. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058355) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:41 PM Author: plum spectacular forum (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058360) Date: April 8th, 2019 3:45 PM Author: blathering state She is phenomenal at it. The slow drip-drip of info. The twists where she starts telling stories and it is clear that it isn't black and white like she claimed. The side-plots of their career drama and financial stuff (each creating several hundred post threads by themselves). See, you and TC are guys where you start a thread that goes "my problem is A, what do I do?" Posters: "You have options A, B and C". You reply "Yeah, option A makes sense but can't happen now, so I'll do B until it can. Thanks." /thread. That is never going to be as successful as this. Also, for many of us old-timers we posted with her all the way back from the beginning of the board. I think she was even part of our crew that exchanged admissions essays for law school (we proofread and made comments to each other's essays). So we remember the drama from marriage #1. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058387) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:01 PM Author: Narrow-minded address death wish Guys, if you have a wife at home that changed all the diapers, sucks your dick each week, and doesn't bring up shit like marriage counseling over petty BS go home and tell them you love them! Let this thread be your insight into what sort of bullet you dodged. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058463) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:04 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Do you really believe our issues are petty BS? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058474) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:10 PM Author: Narrow-minded address death wish I'm not going to dissect this whole thread but all the napping and magazine talk is absurd. Also, you claim to just now be realizing he's a dick to you, but how much of that did you enjoy when dating? Your husband's child rearing responsibility is to earn $, coach kids sports, teach them math, how to fix shit with tools, shoot a gun and not turn into a shitlib. That's pretty much it, asking more than that is petty and selfish. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058501) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:11 PM Author: jade digit ratio native no, but you dwell on the petty stuff as well as the big stuff, so people are more likely to think you are not looking at everything from an even handed perspective. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058508) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:43 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Got it. I think in some ways pettier things matter more when the fundamentals are off - like if someone shows you in big ways that your feelings are dumb and don't matter you are less likely to be charitable about small petty things. (At least that's the case for me!) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058649) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:38 PM Author: blathering state These threads definitely remind me that I'm very lucky. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059693) Date: April 8th, 2019 4:37 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Nutella: your poast above could be read to say that you now think it's worth trying with him. Have you changed your view? Edit: i see your response. Ty! I think an issue here is that he does and has done some really horrible stuff that some people would say is obviously abusive. Other stuff he does is just selfish and petty. I mention both of these categories of behaviour because they both piss me off but I am not saying every single thing he does is abusive. The ladies who believe he is abusive may disagree though - they say that even his being nice right now may be because he wants something from me / to keep me sweet enough that I don't walk out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058615) Date: April 8th, 2019 5:28 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood What do you consider to be the top 3 most abusive things your husband has done to you? Did it occur to you that your husband despises parenting your child in the manner you insist upon and not necessarily parenting in general? Short of acts that pose a grave risk of significant bodily harm to the child (ahem ESCALATOR ahem), there is very little about parenting that is objectively correct. Perhaps it would be better to encourage your husband to spend time with your daughter entirely on his own terms. Let him define how he interacts with her. At this point, your husband strengthening his bond with your daughter is a higher priority than her getting her nap or all of your magazines surviving in one piece. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058860) Date: April 8th, 2019 5:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Wow, this is tough. I may have to do multiple posts as I think of them. 1. my mother desperately wanted to go on a family holiday with me, my daughter, and my husband. He was kind of against it but I insisted (very rare for me). There ended up being a hurricane and our daughter became very ill and a few other things went wrong. It was so bad it was comical but there were some nice moments and my parents enabled us to go on some date nights. He was FURIOUS about the stuff that had gone wrong and blamed me. He treated me like absolute and utter shit. The idea was that I would always stay behind with our daughter so I did. He was very unpleasant until he left. Where i live the father can take part of the mother's maternity leave. My husband wasn't sure if he was going to make partner and he wanted to take some of my leave if he wasn't (to screw them over). I was ok with him using some of my leave but I wanted to know his plan so I could plan my life and return to work. I was VERY anxious about going back. I kept asking and he put me off every time. I became quite frustrated. The firm dragged out their decision. Finally, they told him suddenly while I was still in the US that he wasn't being made partner that year. (In the meantime he had been telling me daily i had to support him and I was too demanding) He TEXTED to tell me that he wasn't going to be partner. In the same text he announced that he wanted to take some of my maternity leave. He insisted that I make the arrangements that day because it was literally the last day it could be done. I called him and he bullied me and pushed about how he deserved this until I gave in. So I had to go back to work earlier than expected to benefit him, he pushed me away emotionally, and he treated me horribly for this entire period. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058951) Date: April 8th, 2019 5:58 PM Author: Glittery psychic national If this is what qualifies as 'abuse' these days, we've watered down the term so much as to be meaningless (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38058981) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:07 PM Author: plum spectacular forum (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059016) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:09 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The current definition includes coercive control, which includes constant subtle putdowns, demeaning treatment, and power plays/bullying. I can tell you that he made my life utterly miserable and he ensured that my return to work was as unpleasant as possible. As usual, everything was on his terms. He punished me when we did things my way and it didn't work out. It didn't matter how I felt about my return to work. It had to be on his terms. If you don't agree it's abusive (again, I find it difficult to accept that word), do you not think it's extremely emotionally cruel? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059020) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:16 PM Author: plum spectacular forum If abuse is a spectrum, what you are experiencing is at one of the ends. At the other end of the spectrum, women are being beaten to death. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059044) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok? So my husband treating me like crap therefore doesn't matter? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059099) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:37 PM Author: Motley Therapy we cant take what you say at face value. second you are definitely not listing all the incidents where you behaved like an asshole/fcked up (human nature so nothing shocking here) nobody is mr perfect. does your husband behave like an asshole some times? sure. but so does every husband/wife in the world. does he have flaws? sure. but nothing you said raises a red flag imo. he just seems like a stressed out slightly cheap dood. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059123) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Nothing about his behaviour seems a bit off and I am just a liar? Well, I can't argue with that logic. Edit: even when questioned he can't even really list times when I have been a dick. His complaints are things like I take my job too seriously, I am not mean / strict enough with au pairs, I am not as engaged with home stuff as he is (he is an insane control freak and nothing I do in this front is sufficient) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059130) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:44 PM Author: blathering state Bingo. And none of that is "abuse." Abuse is putting someone in some in some actual harm or, at the very least, real fear of actual harm. Being somewhat dickish or snide or whatever isn't "abuse", it is just being dickish and snide. If you want to leave him over it then fine, but don't pretend it is because he is being abusive. Just admit that you don't like him and don't think he is nice enough (which is not the equivalent of him being abusive). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059727) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:37 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Well, to start I am terrified of what he will do to me if I leave. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061183) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:26 AM Author: blathering state Also not abuse. You don't mean "he might beat me to death". You mean "he might fight for custody and prevent my child from leaving the country and fight to protect his assets". (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061718) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:28 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy to be fair, that's exactly the sort of abuse that got dan markel shot in his fool head. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061728) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:31 AM Author: blathering state Oh people absolutely do resort to outright violence over it. But that doesn't mean it is, in itself, abusive. Especially considering that she would be the one initiating it. What would she expect? That he make it easy for her to fuck him over? Why on earth would he do that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061737) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:34 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy nah i'm giggling that some jewish bitch in miami cried "abuse" over nothing and her family ordered up an execution of her husband for the following actual grievances: 1) her husband wasn't tall and 2) husband wanted to share custody (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061756) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:42 PM Author: plum spectacular forum It definitely matters, but labeling his behavior as abusive is melodramatic. He's disrespectful because he doesn't respect you. You are probably being disrespectful in your own passive-aggressive way, but it is impossible to tell because he isn't here to give us his side of the story. Listen, I used to defend Family Law restraining orders, that was my specialty. I've seen allegations of abuse that cover the entire spectrum and what you have relayed ITT is on one of the extreme edges. I don't know what to tell you. It appears you get some satisfaction out of believing you are a survivor of domestic abuse when, in reality, your husband is just an asshole. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059140) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:55 PM Author: Glittery psychic national (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059206) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:09 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Other people informed me that he is abusive based on daily updates about the way he was treating me. I have repeatedly said in this thread that I have trouble accepting this and I have come here to be punished by people like you who will make me hate myself for being fucking miserable with someone who has zero respect or apparent love for me. It's working, Ty. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059266) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:18 PM Author: plum spectacular forum So is he abusing you or not? If you think he's abusing you, try filing a DVTRO against him with all your stories of abuse and see what the judge does. I've had plenty of women come into my office alleging the same exact type of abuse. Do you know what I told them? I told them that I would file a restraining order for them, but that it is most likely going to be denied and then the judge is going to think you filed this just to gain a custody advantage over him. Still want me to do it? My point is that not one of your stories would earn you a restraining order even in shitlib SoCal. So if a Family Law judge wouldn't even consider it abuse then who does exactly? If you can't call the police and state facts that would objectively lead to his arrest then you are doing yourself, your marriage and your kid a huge disservice. Now, having said that, I can gather from this thread that he's an "alternate weekend" dad. He probably doesn't even want 50/50. When dads would walk into my office saying they want 50/50 I would first figure out whether they were really 50/50 dads deserving of 50% custody. Your husband is definitely not a 50/50 dad. If you are REALLY abused, you need to file a restraining order and get him kicked out of the house. Good luck. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059301) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:19 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse So your definition of abuse is behavior that would provide grounds for some kind of legal action in your particular jurisdiction? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061170) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:22 PM Author: plum spectacular forum We have the most watered down definition of abuse in California when it comes to domestic violence. All you need to get a Domestic Violence Restraining Order is to prove by a preponderance that the Respondent "disturbed your peace." That's it. That is all you have to show. In my experience, I have seen a judge grant a restraining order because the husband turned over a bookcase in the house because he was angry at his wife. He wasn't trying to harm the wife. He was mad and tipped over the bookcase. That resulted in a DVTRO which also created a presumption that he was an unfit parent. Because he's an unfit parent he has to have professionally supervised visits with his kids for a couple of hours a week. A DVTRO takes an otherwise 50/50 parent and knocks them down to a few hours a week with a professional supervisor. That is 5% custody at the most. I've seen a judge grant a restraining order because he texted her that she was a cunt. I've seen a judge grant a restraining order because he sent *too many* texts in a month (nothing wrong with the content of the texts. How many texts were enough to "disturb her peace" and take the kids away from him? 42. In a month. So what I'm telling you that when you run around claiming you are a victim of domestic violence you are going to lose credibility because not even the most shitlib of shitlib judges would give you a restraining order. You are what we call in the legal profession an "eggshell psyche" which takes me back to my first day of torts class when I was a 1L: "The law does not redress eggshell psyches." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062279) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:32 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am interested in your concept of a 50/50 dad. To me it seems pretty extreme not to allow a parent half custody of their child. To me this suggests the parent is not a good parent or something else about their behavior means that it's not in the best interests of the children to have frequent contact with them. What makes you peg someone as not a 50/50 dad? Do you have a sliding scale of shittiness that you mentally refer to when dealing with shitty behavior? Like: abusive at the top, not a 50/50 dad, A-OK? Do you ever feel bad for these ladies? Or do you just assume they are to blame for their husbands' treatment of them? My husband is extremely controlling and I am very certain he would try to use our daughter as a bargaining chip/pawn in a divorce. I am also terrified of what he would do to me generally. Like I can't imagine him hitting me but I can imagine him using any legal and barely legal means to ruin my life for years (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061217) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:03 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you frame him being an asshole as him punishing you as if you are a child and have control over the situation. Adults who do not have literal physical or financial control over you cannot punish other adults unless you let them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059491) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:24 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's funny because the marriage counselor asked why I didn't just stand up for myself. My mom has said the same. The lodger story kind of shows how this works. If I disagree with him, he puts me down, throws his weight around, reminds me he is the breadwinner, pretends like I haven't said things I have said,badgers and hounds me, and generally makes life miserable (or is vaguely nice if it serves him) until he gets his way. Currently this is what is probably happening with his niceness. He is desperate to use all my money and his on this home extension. I don't really want to do it and I have shown no enthusiasm. He still insists that I engage and if I say I don't want to do it he is really angry and tells me how it is essential etc. I am pretty sure he is gearing up to take all my USD to put it into this. If I am right about this and I refuse to do what he wants he will make my life hell daily. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061177) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:41 AM Author: jade digit ratio native Do not give him ANY of your USD. Under any circumstance. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061184) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:40 PM Author: blathering state Exactly right. This is an insult to legitimate abuse victims. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059707) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:10 PM Author: Motley Therapy i know recounting this cute story is emotionally cathartic but can we get to the "abuse" part? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059025) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse See above. Do you think it's cute? Because it was fucking awful. The coercive control concept is that sustained emotional cruelty and controlling behaviour is abuse. Do you believe in the concept of emotional abuse? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059034) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:18 PM Author: Motley Therapy i meant cute sarcastically duh. but 99.99% of married couples in human history have had such arguments/fights in stressful scenarios (family vacations by definition are stressful). its not "abuse" imo and hint - no man (or woman) in the world wants to spend extended time with in laws. it doesnt matter how nice/well adjusted they are. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059051) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok, well I moved far far away from my family for him. I spend loads of time with his family, it's just not compressed. What if one partner behaves like that consistently over a matter of years? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059104) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:50 PM Author: blathering state "Do you believe in the concept of emotional abuse?" Emotional abuse is about the concept of leaving you constantly feeling unsafe and on edge. Constantly threatening to leave or become violent or whatever. It isn't "he sometimes makes snide remarks when things go wrong." Not everything that might be dickish is abusive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059764) Date: April 9th, 2019 2:50 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I constantly do feel unsafe and on edge. I am always tiptoeing around worrying about whether he will flip out at me about something. I throw away all receipts for minor purchases before I go home. Somewhere else in this thread I described being afraid he would know I spilled water on the floor. He is constantly angry about weird inconsequential shit and he acts like you have caused him great offence. He also reminds me constantly that I don't make enough money to survive on my own. He's not an idiot. He would not say things that are obviously going to get him in trouble. I am describing big picture things he has done which had a massive impact on my life for months. I assumed this would be the best illustration. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061145) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:28 AM Author: blathering state Yeah, holding to my position that he might be a dumb asshole, but this isn't actual abuse. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061727) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:41 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Not enough detail about how he treated you horribly or things he said to you in these examples. In the maternity leave example, I actually see it more from his perspective that he just failed at the one thing he was striving for his entire career and he’s probably devastated and wants to screw over his firm last minute. Even though that shortens your leave in the process and makes you more anxious, his particular problem at that moment was more urgent than yours. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059137) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:57 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. Well he didn't communicate any of that to me in a way that was warm or suggested he needed anything from me other than to take something from me in rage. He was mean and cold and just erupted at me in anger at the end of the holiday. If I questioned what was going on or why he was being like this he claimed that it was foreseeable the holiday would go wrong and it was my fault. He didn't even pretend to care about the impact on me of making it impossible to know when I was going back to work. He didn't say sorry or thanks for your patience or anything. He felt fully entitled to jerk me around. I was dreading it and I was extremely stressed about leaving my baby. Perhaps he could have called me with the news and said something in a way that conveyed he needed me or valued my support. Instead he texted his enraged demand. Oh, I also forgot the part where our daughter was already scheduled to be in day care for the entirety of his paternity leave I did all of the settling in at nursery and he then was having a holiday using my mat leave after I worked my ass off taking care of everything at home and supporting him for almost a year. I also tried to persuade him to go to marriage counseling during this time but he refused because he needed his full holiday and he didn't think it was urgent even though I said it was very important to me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059216) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:09 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I don’t want or mean to discount anything he has done, but I think we are only talking about verbal or emotional abuse and I wouldn’t consider it to be. I don’t think you even consider it to be abuse, however terrible it is. I’m sure you will find people who say it is though. Xoxo loves to play the blame game but it really doesn’t matter who is more responsible for the relationship being what it is. It’s obviously not an healthy relationship though and there is no mutual respect. You don’t need abuse to realize that a divorce is the better choice. I really think you need to plan a way out that gives him no warning or he will be extremely vindictive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059264) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Does he still sound narcissistic to you? I have spent so much time wondering why he doesn't care at all when he bullies me into doing what he wants or he chooses to do things that he actively knows will hurt me or he just withholds affection because he feels like it or for some inexplicable reason. I keep treating him like someone who will care about me and rate me as a priority and he just never does. It's been indescribably painful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059278) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:23 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Yes. I don’t consider my dad abusive either. Narcissists are manipulative but not often outright abusive. They care deeply about the appearance of things. He’s not going to call you a dumb bitch to your face. No, that’s some low class trailer park shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059319) Date: April 9th, 2019 2:05 AM Author: nofapping stag film “Wow, this is tough. I may have to do multiple posts as I think of [ways to milk this thread for 2000 posts]” FTFY ALSO for JJ JR’s sake WE NEED WAY MORE detail on the lodgers vegetarian logs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061093) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh and PS my daughter was in very little danger on the escalator. She had my complete attention and I am an extremely neurotic mother. The point is that he would have given her the magazine so he could do what he wanted and ignore her. He only spends time with her when he has to. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059047) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:50 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I dunno, I am not a fan of the modern parenting idea that you’re supposed to be your child’s playmate or have them constantly engaged. I think teaching them to play independently and entertain themselves is very important. I don’t see giving them a magazine to tear up is a bad thing (not the same as giving them an iPad), without knowing the motivation behind it. Of course he has to put thought behind his actions instead of just doing it to ignore her. You know his motivations better than we do, but just letting you know that the action itself isn’t bad on its face. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059177) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:03 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He puts very little thought into her as far as I can tell I also let her play and intentionally don't engage her all the time because I don't want her to be pathetic and dependent. She is very good at imaginative play by herself! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059244) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse 2. Our baby was a couple of months old and he decided we needed another lodger. I told him I did not want a lodger. We in no way required the extra income. He put up an advertisement for the room anyway. By way of background, During the week, he slept in the spare room and came home late. I did all baby care and made dinner for him when he came home. Weekends were when I theoretically could have some downtime with my family. For a few weekends, he brought loads of people by to look at the room. I must have looked utterly miserable because one of these ladies apologised to me. He was uninterested in my feelings about this. He continued pushing me and talking about it constantly and showing the room until I just gave up. His friend knew someone who was moving to this country and looking for a room for few months while she settled in. I agreed because I knew he would never stop hounding me until I gave in. This girl was always in the fucking kitchen when I wanted to be there. She also did enormous vegetarian poos that didn't flush so on multiple occasions I went into the spare bathroom to be confronted by enormous logs in the toilet I told him I was unhappy with the situation and he told me that she was never around. When I explained that actually she was, just not when he came home after 8:30, he ignored. He kept saying that if I wanted her to leave i should just say the word but I told him I was unhappy at least 3 times a week and nothing changed She eventually found another apartment of her own volition. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059372) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:06 PM Author: jade digit ratio native dude, this is life annoyance, not abuse. He is an asshole and selfish. But this example is not abusive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059506) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:13 PM Author: Motley Therapy to be fair i support her here. taking in a lodger even if its a female MUST be a mutual decision. it has a significant impact on your privacy/lifestyle so one person should never decide on his own to do so. and definitely not completely override her even if he was paying 100% of the rent finally their financial situation better be dire for him to be even thinking of taking a lodger when he has a wife and infant. it can't be just to make an extra buck or afford a slightly bigger apartment. if their financial situation was indeed dire a reasonable person would agree to such an arrangement for me of all the incidents she described this seems to be the worst assuming that he was just trying to save money. his behavior seems very insensitive to her feelings. and ofcourse the sex frequency. these two are what stand out for me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059537) Date: April 9th, 2019 2:51 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We could pay all our bills no problem. He felt insecure about our finances because he literally will never feel we have enough money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061146) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:07 AM Author: jade digit ratio native i agree with everything you said - which is why i concluded he is a selfish asshole. But that's not abusive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061159) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:52 PM Author: blathering state I honestly don't think she understands that these are different concepts. She legit has no idea what real abuse is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059776) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:53 PM Author: twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage Dude do you have any other hobbies besides posting? You’re insane. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059784) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:56 PM Author: blathering state I waste entirely too much time on this, no doubt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059805) Date: April 9th, 2019 2:43 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse When I brought this up in front of the marriage counselor, she gasped in horror and said "that's abuse!" It was the only time she seemed to lose her cool. What would constitute emotional abuse in your opinion? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061139) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:34 AM Author: blathering state Yes, because think about the sort of people that are marriage counselors. These people are the worst which is why I would never consider going to one. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061757) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:16 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Was this entire thread flame on your part? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059556) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:52 PM Author: blathering state I think this is a ljl @ cawgs thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059780) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:22 PM Author: Motley Therapy the biggest problem here is that is that is both of you have similar type A striver, high strung personalities. those relationships descend into passive aggressive control showdowns 1) one of you needs to take the chill pill 2) downsize to a city that reduces financial stress (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059065) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:36 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What? I wanted to live in a cheaper area. I am way more chilled out that he is. What makes you believe his job is more stressful than mine? What makes you believe that I believe I should be pampered at all times? Edit: and of course I have thought about things from his pov. Unfortunately he treats me like trash when I could be supportive. When he is unhappy with life he feels entitled to take it out on me and he doesn't open up emotionally. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059120) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:47 PM Author: Motley Therapy you dont come across as chilled out here. a chilled out women wouldn't even register a magazine being torn by her own 2 year old daughter as note worthy. you would have laughed it off. instead you are neurotically speculating on his intentions and registering it as a discussion worthy incident to a forum of internet strangers i dont know who you are. but it seems like he is in some kind of UMC profession - biglaw, consulting whatever. any corporate job is 1000x stressful than sahm/non profit make believe jerb. you are constantly mistreated and abused by your superiors, have to deal with performance issues, layoff stress etc etc. you worked in biglaw for a while so you must know all this. i may be wrong on this because i started posting only in 2015 so no idea about your lifestory except what i can glean from this thread not saying that your husband is blameless or perfect. he can and should definitely improve his relationship with you. but you are seriously distorting how bad it is. for comparison we have another poaster here who has to deal with a crazy wife and the shit he has to deal with is actually 100x worse. he actually has a reason to be melodramatic but he is not a birdbrain SATC shrew so he tries to make the best out of it and moves on here are some of his wife texts. get back to us when you have to deal with shit like this https://imgur.com/a/qhBMpoA https://imgur.com/a/AoAG1q5 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059163) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:49 PM Author: plum spectacular forum cr this is what emotional abuse looks like (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059171) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:53 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059786) Date: April 8th, 2019 6:58 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate tc is so alpha (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059223) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:06 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm distorting how bad it is? How do you know? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059249) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:10 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Are you sure you aren't johnsmeyer? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059270) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:11 PM Author: Motley Therapy my personal opinion based on what you said ITT. you are complaining to a group of internet strangers about how bad your husband is and gave us some data points/incidents i am just saying that in my personal opinion based on what you described your husband doesn't seem to be far out of the ordinary with his behavior. thats all. ofcourse nutella/earl/rina could think the opposite that he is irredeemable. and some other poaster could split the difference my guess is that lot of this has to do with your daughter being 2. once she grows up and doesn't have to be taken care of/watched 24/7 both of you will get along better. just my 2 cents. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059273) Date: April 8th, 2019 7:20 PM Author: Motley Therapy I read this and feel sorry for you. only you can decide the nature of your relationship. dont let us influence you one way or the other. most of our advice is colored by our own personality/personal lives so dont read too much into it good luck http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059266 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059306) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:56 PM Author: blathering state Because when asked to give your worst examples of abuse you gave some absolute mundane nonsense that wasn't abuse at all. Anyone who has dealt with legit abusive people could easily throw 10 stories that make all of these look like nothing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059802) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:46 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't understand why the fact that other people have dealt with worse behaviour makes his behaviour ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061185) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:03 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't understand why the fact that other people have dealt with worse behaviour makes his behaviour ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061195) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:06 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i don't understand why you had to say that twice. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061199) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:17 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I apparently hit the back button and it looked like it hadn't posted (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061205) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:23 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy figured something of the sort. just trying to have fun with it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061209) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I REALLY needed TMF to heed my point!!!!!111 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061219) Date: April 9th, 2019 5:01 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy tmf is heedless tho so it's probs hopeless. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061223) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:29 AM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061732) Date: April 9th, 2019 9:42 AM Author: plum spectacular forum Who says it's ok? Why do you keep doing this? We are trying to get you to stop calling it abuse. If he's abusing you then file a restraining order. There are laws protecting you from actual abuse. Stop making mountains out of fucking molehills. Nap and magazine are molehills. Your histrionics aren't doing you any good. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061546) Date: April 9th, 2019 9:51 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I know the nap and magazine are molehills. Obviously a restraining order is not going to stop him from being a dick to me. The only thing that can stop it is possibly leaving him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061583) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:36 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ps please see my q for you above about 50/50 dad's! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061764) Date: April 9th, 2019 10:42 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy he's saying he's likely not the kind of dad who would want to have actual physical custody half the time and certainly not the kind who "deserves" that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061794) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:26 AM Author: plum spectacular forum This sounds correct. He's the type that will fight for 50/50 just to lower the support payments and stick the kid in front of the TV on his time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061999) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:35 AM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062046) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:43 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062088) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:23 AM Author: plum spectacular forum ok I'll check when I get to the office (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061980) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:46 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062107) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty! I am quite interested in this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062277) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:56 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Guaranteed he will fight for 50/50 custody just to make your life difficult. Have you thought about how you will support your daughter with your salary? Presumably you will have child support and/or alimony payments too (not sure how it works over there), but maybe it’s time to start speaking with a lawyer just to get your ducks in a row. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062443) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have been urged to do this by friends but I appear to be very depressed and unable to do anything these days. Hopefully it will pass. Yes, life is extremely expensive in this SPS city but I could manage. I have no doubt he would be outraged at having to hand money over to me and he would do anything he could to avoid this, including dirty tricks (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062478) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:05 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes you need to start printing out and copying any bank, brokerage, tax records of your joint assets and of his assets that you can access. Giving yourself something to do may help you get out of your depression and feel like you have more agency in the situation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062503) Date: April 8th, 2019 8:52 PM Author: twisted mint twinkling uncleanness blood rage Please link to the bipolar poster’s thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38059781) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:50 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062128) Date: April 9th, 2019 3:59 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy the worst abuse was (based on what you've said above) ~abuse. but wanting to hide your existence when you were supposedly kind of sort of serious was a big dick move, and it sounds like he's been unreasonable about your potential career moves and inappropriately resentful as a result. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061192) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:20 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I disagree about my career moves. I think he is resentful about his own career and he is (A) taking it out on me and (B) sees my career as something he can push me around about I disagree about my career moves. I think he is resentful about his own career and he is (A) taking it out on me and (B) sees my career as something he can push me around about As I said several times above, in the same day he has tried to make me move to a 4 day week but also complained that I should get a higher paying job. It doesn't make much sense unless you step back and think, is he looking for a stick to beat me with? I think he really likes that he can use the fact that he makes more than I do to suggest he should have more control over our finances. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061207) Date: April 9th, 2019 5:00 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i think he wants you to be in-house. didn't you say that's what he's told you when you've tried to level on this before? i agree that the trade offs may not be worth it and he's quite possibly not being remotely realistic. not sure he's just looking for a stick to beat you with tho (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061222) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:37 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062057) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:39 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062066) Date: April 9th, 2019 5:09 AM Author: jade digit ratio native he wants you to either work less or to make more. He wants your job to be efficient either way and contribute primarily to the family unit rather than to your own personal fulfillment. His desire on this front is not unusual, but it displays a poor understanding of women. Men who want to be able to deal with women peacefully understand that women seek personal fulfillment from their jobs more so than men. It is a man's job to make enough money to allow women to work for themselves rather than the family. It's an inefficiency that buys peace and quiet. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061225) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:38 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062062) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:39 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062065) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:42 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062084) Date: April 9th, 2019 2:08 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This seems accurate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062888) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:37 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062052) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:44 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062098) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:51 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062133) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:36 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062048) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:42 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062080) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:22 AM Author: Offensive Parlor you both sound pretty insufferable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38061971) Date: April 9th, 2019 11:44 AM Author: outnumbered site scourge upon the earth Post removed by moderator for violating The Law of The Land. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062090) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My god, what happened here? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062278) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:23 PM Author: plum spectacular forum So this is what I posted above in response to your question about whether my definition of abuse is based on legal remedies in my jurisdicition. I'm repasting so you don't have to find your way through the subthreads: We have the most watered down definition of abuse in California when it comes to domestic violence. All you need to get a Domestic Violence Restraining Order is to prove by a preponderance that the Respondent "disturbed your peace." That's it. That is all you have to show. In my experience, I have seen a judge grant a restraining order because the husband turned over a bookcase in the house because he was angry at his wife. He wasn't trying to harm the wife. He was mad and tipped over the bookcase. That resulted in a DVTRO which also created a presumption that he was an unfit parent. Because he's an unfit parent he has to have professionally supervised visits with his kids for a couple of hours a week. A DVTRO takes an otherwise 50/50 parent and knocks them down to a few hours a week with a professional supervisor. That is 5% custody at the most. I've seen a judge grant a restraining order because he texted her that she was a cunt. I've seen a judge grant a restraining order because he sent *too many* texts in a month (nothing wrong with the content of the texts. How many texts were enough to "disturb her peace" and take the kids away from him? 42. In a month. So what I'm telling you that when you run around claiming you are a victim of domestic violence you are going to lose credibility because not even the most shitlib of shitlib judges would give you a restraining order. You are what we call in the legal profession an "eggshell psyche" which takes me back to my first day of torts class when I was a 1L: "The law does not redress eggshell psyches." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062284) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:34 PM Author: blathering state I think they're in the UK though. They're not in the US at all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062353) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:47 PM Author: plum spectacular forum My point is that nowhere is more shitlib then where I am and she couldn't get a TRO here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062404) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:58 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My point is I'm not trying to get a TRO. However, the behavior has been destroying me. As Earl has pointed out ITT, having someone constantly criticizing and undermining you for years takes its toll. I don't think I'm unique in this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062456) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:01 PM Author: plum spectacular forum You are either being abused or you aren't. If you are being abused, you should take legal action to address it. If you aren't being abused you need to stop calling it abuse and go see a shrink. It is really that simple. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062477) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse How would you characterize the behavior I have described here? You think the problem is all in my head? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062510) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:10 PM Author: blathering state No, he may legit be unpleasant/not nice. But stop calling it abuse because it isn't. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062527) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:13 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I concur with the numerous posters above who say that you are experiencing normal marital issues, but the problem is your mutual selfishness and lack of respect for each other. If you truly love someone you care about what that person feels and thinks and I don't see that going on. I see a bunch of resentment that keeps building up. I do not see his behavior as abusive. It is toxic, but doesn't cross that line. Why didn't counseling work again? You didn't like what the counselor was telling you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062554) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, I don't think the counselor was very good. However,I tried to get him to go like a year earlier and he refused because he wanted to enjoy a staycation during the maternity leave I shared with him. Then it was delayed for a long time for various reasons. In the counseling. I openly acknowledged that I was very angry about the way he had treated me and that my resentment had built up. He just acted like he was super reasonable and had an explanation at the ready all the time. He is good at not losing his temper and i am more emotional (though I honestly do try to be fair). We just talked past each other. The marriage counselor urged me to stand up to him more because he clearly called all the shots. He said he would like this but I don't actually think that's true. During the period we were doing counseling he became insanely cruel and controlling outside of the sessions. (He hated our au pair and blamed everything on me. If he found out I had gone to the grocery store he flipped out at me because he had decided to assign all food shopping, planning, and prep to her - that's not all but that was the most bizarrely controlling stuff he did (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062631) Date: April 9th, 2019 2:13 PM Author: plum spectacular forum You guys need to take ecstasy or shrooms together or something. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062912) Date: April 9th, 2019 2:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I would also say that I have been very respectful of his wishes and I generally let him have his own way most of the time I feel that he has totally abused this and rather than appreciating how I have always tried to respect his wishes, he feels this is his entitlement. My mom told me that my stepfather refers to my husband as 'his lordship' if that tells you anything, I think in part because of how much I always try to cater to my husband's wishes Years of it has me frustrated and worn out though and I probably now feel I need to look out for myself because he isn't going to. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062914) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:40 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy "I've seen a judge grant a restraining order because he texted her that she was a cunt." what in the fuck? but tbf many judges still won't grant the orders when they're actually warranted, and i think the custody presumption is part of the reason (judges more suspicious because they see the petition and testimony as a weapon) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062380) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:47 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I defended literally hundreds of DVTRO trials and lost only nine in three years. You essentially have to prove the ulterior motive which is quite easy on cross. One tactic I liked to use was go, "Mrs. Smith, you aren't afraid of your husband are you? You don't really need this restraining order do you? This is just a custody grab isn't?" Then the mother goes, "No, I'm afraid of him. I need the restraining order. This is NOT a custody grab. I'm afraid of him!" Then I would say, "Okay. Well how about this. How about we leave the restraining order for you in place, but we remove the kids and let him have 50/50?" And then every single time the mother would object to removing the kids showing the judge what the real motivation is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062399) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm confused. Wouldn't most loving mothers who had concerns about their husband being dangerous or abusive to them choose to keep their kids out of the abusive environment if at all possible? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062426) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:55 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy yeah i don't think it's a fair question for that reason but do you think cross exams are all fair questions? and the responses in some cases at least could be genuinely telling. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062438) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:59 PM Author: plum spectacular forum In the hundreds of cases I've done not a single child was ever harmed from the alleged abusive behavior. Children develop bonds with both parents, but mothers like to think their bond is superior to the father. American mothers, white and Mexican women especially, like to use their children as weapons in family court. They like to poison their children against the dad. They think this is somehow getting even for all the evil things dad has done to her. White and Mexican mothers will lie their asses off in court to gain this custody advantage solely to frustrate the father, never stopping to consider how this is going to affect the children. What winds up happening is that when the child becomes a teenager she will want to live with her dad and begin to resent her mother for poisoning their relationship. But to answer your question, if the abuse is between the parents and the parents are separated then there is no more abuse in the household. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062463) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:03 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Most people on the non-defense side think that abusive behavior ends up being directed at children. Of course this all depends on your definition of abuse. How do you know these ladies are lying? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062490) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:09 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Because their stories had lots of holes in them that I would exploit on cross. Every story has holes in it. Liars make more holes. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062521) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:15 PM Author: Ungodly Old Irish Cottage Turdskin oh shit you forgot to spell behavior with a fucking u (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062560) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My autocorrect uses a u. I override if I feel like it but I have been quite lazy here (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062578) Date: April 9th, 2019 12:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh, so you're just doing defense? I see. Would you answer my question about the 50/50 thing? I think I have been clear about this but I am not seeking a restraining order or anything. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062445) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:07 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I didn't only do defense. I also filed for restraining orders on behalf of my clients if they experienced actual abuse. As for the 50/50 thing: In SoCal the judges try to preserve the status quo when it comes to custody. So if the mother has been doing all the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting, then she will be the primary parent and the father will get visitation. If the father has been equally involved in parenting then the judges will award 50/50. How do we come to that determination? By talking to them. During my consultation I'll ask questions like, "What are the names of your kids' friends? What are their teachers names? Do you make them breakfast? Take them to school in the morning?" Shit like that. If guys come in for a consultation and the first question is how much they are going to have to pay in child support I already know what kind of parent they are. Guys that come in and their first question is whether they're going to get 50/50 usually have their hearts in the right place. Guys that went to the early doctor visits and ultrasounds usually turn out to be 50/50 dads. Did I answer your question? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062509) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:10 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062532) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That's interesting. What is your opinion on dads that just want every other weekend? Have you seen lots of dads that just seemed to want to fuck exes over by making custody etc difficult? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062565) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:24 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I don't really understand dads like that. I'm about to go to my black fiancee's first doctor's visit now that she's pregnant. I'll be at the ultrasounds. I'm going to be a 50/50 parent so I'm not sure how some people can't be invested in their kids. Yes, I've seen lots of that on both sides. In my experience, women are much more vindictive and evil when it comes to exploiting the family law system for their own ends. The craziest thing about divorce I've found is that in almost every single case (I can only remember one time I saw an exception) the spouse that cheated on the other one is the spouse who want war. The spouse that got cucked just wants to move on with their lives. Whenever a client would sit down and say, "I just want to make this divorce as easy as possible but she said get ready for war." I'd go, "Oh, so she cheated on you?" "How'd you know?" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062621) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:29 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh congratulations! In contrast, my husband didn't want to bother coming to an ultrasound that they scheduled to make sure my baby was ok. He thought it would be fine for me to deal with that alone. I It's very interesting hearing your observations. How do you deal with vindictive clients? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062657) Date: April 9th, 2019 1:51 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I don't do family law anymore. I have a boring desk job now. I would try to reason with them and if they weren't taking my advice then I'd bill the shit out of them until they couldn't afford me anymore. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38062789) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:09 PM Author: Soul-stirring nursing home coldplay fan https://i.ibb.co/6mrWFGr/1904092131.jpg (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38063522) Date: April 9th, 2019 4:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38063577) Date: April 9th, 2019 6:46 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Can we get to 2000? LH, let’s hear some more anecdotes about your asshole husband. Also curious if you had doubts before you got married. I vaguely remember a thread way back when when you were unhappy about what he did or didn’t do for Valentine’s Day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38064204) Date: April 9th, 2019 7:04 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy they broke up before they got engaged because he wanted to be able to see her for sex at the office but didn't want anyone to know they were dating. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38064267) Date: April 9th, 2019 7:29 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate oh damn. did they ever get back together (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38064406) Date: April 9th, 2019 7:40 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy yeah they're "together" now hence all the joyitt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38064457) Date: April 9th, 2019 9:38 PM Author: blathering state you are so low IQ schtick (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38065013) Date: April 9th, 2019 9:39 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i think that's five mechanical lions fucking around with everybody. that is part of his schtick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38065020) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:16 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I enjoy his schtick. the other day I read a thread where people were talking seemingly knowledgeably about some economic concepts and he came in and enraged them with obvious flame by suggesting he knew more than they did. Very amusing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066280) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:19 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy oh it's pure delight and at least close to genius. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066287) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:23 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He's super smart (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066298) Date: April 9th, 2019 7:27 PM Author: jade digit ratio native 2000 wont count anymore because some spammer asshole tried to ruin the thread apparently. Need to account for that in the totals. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38064394) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:34 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh, wow! What you may remember is a special valentine's Day dinner that I made. I spent a lot of time developing a menu and sourcing ingredients: I made homemade pate, scallops with a brown butter hazelnut sauce (this is kind of a double entendre too) on top of a very smooth cauliflower puree, salad, and chocolate pots de creme. He saw the chicken liver and barked "I don't like liver!" Which is odd because he does like pate. When I explained that all pate is made of liver, he was still annoyed. Then he found out that I was cooking cauliflower. He scowled and said that I KNOW he doesn't like cauliflower. I don't think I was aware of that, actually, and I kind of thought a little puree on the plate was quite different from cauliflower florets. He was super pissed at me at this point and I felt terrible. I spent the meal trying to reassure him that I had been trying very hard to make a special meal and I hadn't just been thoughtless about him. He believed that I just hadn't cared enough about his preferences to make something nice that he would enjoy. It was all very disappointing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066212) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:27 AM Author: nofapping stag film Is this before or after marriage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066937) Date: April 10th, 2019 11:00 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Before, in the era when he was ignoring me at work when he felt like it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067101) Date: April 10th, 2019 11:05 AM Author: blathering state Um, what were you thinking marriage/kids would be like? Noting that things are always tougher with kids and there are always tough situations in marriage (people lose jobs or whatever). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067134) Date: April 10th, 2019 11:27 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Re this particular incident, I think I felt like it was my fault for some reason. I didn't understand why he was so upset and though I thought he was being mean, I felt that maybe I was to blame in some way for choosing food he didn't like. I can't fully remember the chronology but another possible factor is that he had some insecurities about someone I had been involved with before (and after) I met him and I felt guilty about this. I explained my thoughts and requirements around having children and he seemed to agree so I thought we had a shared understanding of this. I now see that I missed warning signs about his personality, but I guess I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I wanted it to work? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067215) Date: April 10th, 2019 1:37 PM Author: nofapping stag film bad judgment, why did you marry if rlsp was this troubled in the first place (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067797) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:05 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067986) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:11 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I thought it was a situational problem. After he dumped me he ended up chasing me hard and subsequently being happy for people at work knowing about the relationship. It was all very dramatic, which probably should have told me it was bad news. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38068039) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:42 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse An update from this morning which you all will hate, but is a little gaslighty. The au pair is supposed to be available from 7:15. This morning I am going to work early because I am super stressed about a deadline. My husband slept in the spare room so I would not disturb him getting up at 6:30. Our daughter woke up at 6:40 and I looked after her while I got ready. Then at 7 I was ready to go and I took her up to my husband. He angrily asked why I hadn't taken our daughter to the au pair instead since her start time is 7. I was confused. He insisted that we wrote 7:15 in the agreement but then changed it, so why am I bugging him. I went back through old texts with her and we definitely have stuck to a 7:15 start time the entire time she has been here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066226) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:43 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy is the au pair hawt? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066227) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:49 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No. She is very overweight. He previously didn't want to even consider heavy au pairs but I think he was desperate this time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066235) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:51 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy "very overweight" :(. well guess i won't ask for her number then. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066238) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:55 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Sorry, man (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066252) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:09 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I still don't know who you are. Where are you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066272) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:15 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066279) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:22 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My grades were SPS but I am an amazing writer so I got on law review and was also made to be an editor. Yeah, I understand the terror. And yet here I am poasting the most intimate details of my life. Did I know you? Were we FRIENDS? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066294) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:30 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy we were xo friends i think but i wasn't in or around nyc way back when and never did nyc meetups (seemed like a cool group of people but outing is like bad and stuff). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066312) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:22 AM Author: Offensive Parlor you sound a bit like twist, or at least someone just as cucky and beta. or maybe askav? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066296) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:32 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy twist hated law school and dropped out after like his first year. i hated it and stuck with it. i'm a very smart guy, but twist is probably a bit smarter and has certainly proved to be far more prudent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066316) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:29 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Or that poaster from the west coast who had yellow fever (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070725) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:17 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy oh whom was that? anyway i like white girls primarily. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071516) Date: April 11th, 2019 10:25 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter The monk will come to me eventually, I think it had a ch and an l, and it’s been a while. Also went by ||||||||. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38072422) Date: April 11th, 2019 10:04 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter CHALMERS (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076226) Date: April 11th, 2019 11:23 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy can't be him: i hate asian girls and fuck asian men for money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076637) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:14 AM Author: Offensive Parlor you both sound miserable, but this stuff is all normal marriage shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066278) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:19 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I can make a distinction between crazy controlling behavior (yelling at me for going to the grocery store and for trying to prevent him from bullying the au pair) and normal marriage shit(being grumpy in the morning). The normal marriage shit is worse due to his other toxic behaviors, and the way it manifests itself (lying about the start time which we both know, generally being very angry and abnormaly protective about his sleep) is emblematic of the more serious problems. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066286) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:29 AM Author: Offensive Parlor that's a byproduct of him being in a neurotic striver profession, but you would have been unlikely to want to marry someone who was in a more chill profession. i.e. you made your own bed in a lot of ways, but you will never be willing to make the changes to really change your situation, other than maybe going through a divorce, which would still be a temporary reprieve, and the cycle will likely repeat. i met a young couple who from london just a few days ago, i honestly felt sorry for them. it's a ridiculously overpriced city. but that's what you want, and what you strived for all the way from the midwest, you aren't gonna give it up now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066310) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:37 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Things have gone so badly that I would probably want to go through a lot of counseling to help me identify the patterns in my choice of relationship and choose someone who doesn't dad me around if I got together with someone again. (Earl has correctly identified the issue I think). I am indecisive and seek security and consequently seem to be drawn to controlling personality types. They like me at first but then either am annoyed with me for not being as uptight or maybe would just grow to hate any partner eventually. I thought it would be interesting to live in some big cities etc but it was never a long-term plan for me. I'll admit that I would find it difficult to do lower level work than what I am doing now, even though I am frequently a bit terrified of fucking up. The only reason I would not want to live somewhere cheaper is because I am very lazy and hate commuting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066325) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:44 AM Author: arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band Your husband sounds like a typical uptight, overworked asshole. I don't know you, though I've lurked since 2009 and been a casual poaster since 2011. Your thread, while mundane, is still interesting as a play by play of how marriages fail. Is your husband unhappy? Dude sounds like he needs to meditate or go on a silent meditation retreat or vacation. He sounds like the typical "before" testimonial of high stressed father in demanding job constantly snapping at his family and being a total asshole. You both need to take a step back, him especially, and do some internal work. I also say this having just read "Why Buddhism Is True" and "10% Happier." That or just get a divorce. Not seeing any other options. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38066992) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:55 AM Author: blathering state The "other option" is that she continues to whine about it but takes no substantive steps to do anything. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067059) Date: April 10th, 2019 11:22 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He actually just had an opportunity to take some time off (he switched jobs a while ago) but he chose not to because he felt it would be a waste of time to go with our annoying daughter and it was too expensive in any case. So he took zero time off. I feel sorry for him because he seems to be so fixated on money he can't even take time to relax and take care of himself. I feel that I am collateral damage I think he is very unhappy. However, if I ask him if he is unhappy in our relationship, he says he broadly is happy but we have a few things to work out. I think he is slightly happier in his career at this moment but if it goes south I am sure he will be very unhappy again. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067192) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:04 PM Author: blathering state "However, if I ask him if he is unhappy in our relationship, he says he broadly is but we have a few things to work out." Is there a "not" missing here? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067979) Date: April 10th, 2019 2:09 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Edited (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38068022) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:28 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I would feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such an asshole. Was he propped up by his parents as a child as smart and special and the one to “make it”? He grinds through school and became a lawyer thinking he’s going to work hard and it’s meritocratic, but 10 years later, hes burned out and surpassed by people who have more family money, better connections, better luck, etc. I can see how that can be incredibly demoralizing for a man but seems like he doesn’t have the self awareness to accept this and just step out of the rat race and move somewhere cheap instead of still trying to make it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38068431) Date: April 10th, 2019 3:55 PM Author: arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band Yeah. I realized this shit early and went to BigState job with great hours and lower pay. I'm in a very expensive city but just commute a little extra. You guys can make it work on less but should be willing to downsize for more happiness. How are you guys doing materially? Eg house, cars, savings, dining out, vacations, etc. Also, does he think he's being mean or just rationally/calmly trying to reason with you and your being overly sensitive? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38068562) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:23 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He believes he is eminently reasonable. Sometimes he admits later that sometimes he "goes too far." We usually just go to cheap local restaurants. We usually only go on vacation to see and stay with my family or to his parents'holiday home in Europe. He doesn't want to waste money going somewhere nice with my daughter being annoying. The last time we went to a very nice restaurant was when he took a new job a few years ago and he convinced his recruiter to take us to a very fancy place I wanted to try. (Weird side note: while he was in the bathroom his recruiter tried to recruit me!) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069715) Date: April 10th, 2019 4:00 PM Author: blathering state "Exit the rat race and live someone cheap!" the lawyer making $500k+ in LA says... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38068597) Date: April 10th, 2019 6:45 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes The difference is that I’m getting somewhere while he’s running around in circles and works a lot harder than me, prob his entire career. When you’re struggling and it’s futile, time to opt out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069469) Date: April 11th, 2019 10:38 AM Author: blathering state Or change strategy or whatever. But I'll note that a lot of people work quite a bit before it paying off. I remember when I was working to get my career back on track XO was laughing at me and telling me to give up. It paid off. Meanwhile, "giving up" is a guaranteed path to failure. OTOH, sometimes you work super hard on a path that is silly. The only reason my efforts paid off was totally changing strategy. You have to work smart in addition to working hard. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38072495) Date: April 11th, 2019 10:44 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He has changed strategy and I have encouraged him and advised him in his choice. I think that his new venture will open up additional options to him and is a good choice. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38072522) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:37 PM Author: blathering state Sounds good. Does he appreciate your advice/support? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073435) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:36 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes It was clear he was hopelessly plugging away at partnership for a long time. Now he’s forced to change which is a good thing. Also changing strategy for career is one thing but also changing lifestyle is important. Even you guys moved to the burbs. Now maybe they already live in the equivalent of the burbs but if not, maybe it’s time to reassess and do so. But looks like he’s doubling down and wants to take on money intensive home renovations. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073433) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:19 PM Author: blathering state I agree. But XO was basically telling both my wife and I to "give up" on ever expecting to have good jobs/careers again. Neither ended up being correct. So "stop striving" isn't necessarily correct, but "stop banging your head against a wall" generally is. My understanding of London is that real "burbs" are far away if he works in the city. It is probably a London neighborhood with houses kind of like Brooklyn/Queens. The real question is whether their careers justify staying in London at all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093295) Date: April 10th, 2019 4:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse "I would feel sorry for him if he wasn’t such an asshole" I have said this to myself so many times. Yes, his parents beam with pride over him. I have not seen evidence that they have done the same with his sister. She has moved far, far away. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38068730) Date: April 10th, 2019 6:47 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Sad when a 40 year old man doesn’t want to disappoint his parents. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069479) Date: April 10th, 2019 6:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse His mother would accept him no matter what he did. His father maybe not so much? He recently went on a rant about how people who didn't go to one of like 6 universities in the world aren't worthwhile (mine wasn't on the list, nor was my MIL's, nor was my SIL's) it was quite unpleasant. I can imagine what that was like growing up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069507) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:23 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094776) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:48 AM Author: dead church building dysfunction nothing anyone has ever said about their lives is worth this much text. shut the fuck up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067016) Date: April 10th, 2019 11:02 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I laughed at this, ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067112) Date: April 10th, 2019 12:27 PM Author: plum spectacular forum lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38067426) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:16 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070079) Date: April 10th, 2019 6:46 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I haven't given #3 It probably is actually the bathroom thing described above. We discussed getting ready for bed and then I went to wash my face etc. While there I zoned out and stared at my face and got distracted and absorbed in things like ladies can do when they are very tired and self critical. I came back to the bedroom and he started ranting at me for ruining my sleep. He demanded to know what I was doing in the bathroom. I asked if he really wanted a blow by blow tampon description (also true). I said he had no right to demand to know about my bathroom activities. Then he became enraged and just began listing everything that is annoying about me that he tolerates. Imagine your intimate partner listing everything you hate about yourself but you would hope your loved ones might politely ignore or accept. He listed all of them. Our daughter started crying and I went in her room. He followed me there and continued ranting about how I hadn't tidied her toys or spent enough time with her. When I weakly defended myself, he said that he thought I should know how difficult I am to live with. He listed all those things so I would know what he tolerates normally. If I understood how much forbearance he normally shows then I wouldn't make comments about how he has no right to be angry about my disrupting his sleep that way. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069473) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:01 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate can we get a close up picture of your tired face sans makeup to help us understand the story (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069549) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:05 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Just imagine the most withered lips and sagging jowls you've ever seen (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069579) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:11 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Can you please post as objectively as possible those things he listed? This is the closest we can get to hearing his side of the story. I promise I won't be mean. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069621) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:14 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's all things I am really embarrassed about. One less embarrassing thing is that I leave Kleenex everywhere. It's obviously kind of annoying but I have hayfever or something. I try to tidy them away and pick them up but I tend to leave them in my side of the bed etc. Imagine similar things to this, but more personal and said in a very devastating way. Edit: and then he went on to list household tasks either of us could have done, but it was a sort of seemingly unbridled rant where he just went off on any conceivable thing he dislikes about me or which I could be interpreted as doing wrong. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069650) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:16 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Is it all cleanliness related stuff? What about personality? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069665) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:17 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It was all things about sharing a physical space with someone and as previously mentioned my not being available for my daughter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069675) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:21 PM Author: plum spectacular forum We may be onto something here. Is this the first time he's brought these things up to you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069702) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This was a couple of months ago. It was the first time he mentioned it with rage. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069723) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:33 PM Author: plum spectacular forum For the first time I'm beginning to think his issues are stemming from being frustrated with things that *you* do. You appear to be focused on *your* frustrations with *him*. Maybe these things are really bothering him and he has trouble opening up because of how you will typically react. Maybe you get defensive and start attacking him for the way he treats you when he raises these things? Regardless, my advice would be to make a *good faith* effort to remedy the things that are bothering him, try to care about eliminating those triggers you are possibly creating for him and then see if that changes. I have a feeling that if you change your perspective and treat *him* as the victim you will see a turnaround. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069791) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:37 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He was angry because he is obsessed with his sleep. He has literally always been mean and angry if I do anything to disrupt his sleep. I have been required to go to bed at the same time as him. On this occasion I took longer rather than scurrying around like a frightened mouse. He decided to punish me. Nothing he named about me was novel and it would all be hard to change. It's very possible be just hates me more than he once did so he is willing to tolerate even less now (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069817) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:41 PM Author: plum spectacular forum But you've always done these things that annoy him? Resentment builds. I'm trying to figure out the root cause of your problems and I think we are onto something. I wouldn't be so dismissive. 1600 posts and you aren't any closer to solving your problem. Until now. I think the fact that you won't even post what it is you are doing is a huge red flag. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069845) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:43 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Nice try. The point is he decided to rant about things I am extremely and fundamentally embarrassed about. Realistically it is just normal human things. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069851) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:50 PM Author: Glittery psychic national the kleenex thing isnt a 'normal human thing', it is incredibly disgusting. it doesnt matter if you 'hate yourself' for it if you keep doing it, it shows a profound lack of respect for the people you live with. if the other things are along those lines, it seems the issue here may be that you downplay how your actions are contributing to the marital situation, while building a seething hatred inside yourself for your husband, egged on by internet retards convincing you you've been 'abused'. in any event, the situation seems very unlikely to be salvageable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069898) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:52 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Leaving dirty kleenex everywhere is not a normal human thing and now we are talking about things that, if not remedied, can build resentment. Look at how you are pushing back with me. You even got a little snarky with the "Nice try." I really wish you would tell us some of the other things, but it doesn't matter. We can safely assume that these other things (plural) are *worse* than leaving dirty kleenex around. Again, look at how dismissive you are about that *one* thing that clearly annoys him: they are only on your side of the bed as if that matters and you consider them to be normal. What you are really saying (and what he hears) is "I don't consider this a big deal and you shouldn't either." I think maybe you are lacking some self-awareness and you need someone (hint: therapist) who (a) you will respect and (b) keep it real for you without you getting offended and fire him for not validating your [selfish] feelings. You also might have a problem with sympathy. When my black fiancee tells me I'm doing something that irritates her I really try to fix it. A lot of my habits are very old as I was single for quite a long time and I relapse often. Every time I relapse and do something she has already asked me not to do she gets angrier. We have a very open relationship. We don't keep anything bottled up, but if we did, I can see our relationship going down the same path that yours is. I see someone who, for 1600 posts, has continued to dig in her heels and continue to point the finger. Time to stop. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069902) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:49 PM Author: jade digit ratio native stop using passive descriptions as if you have no agency. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069892) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:05 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Can you explain what you mean please (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069992) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:11 PM Author: jade digit ratio native "I have been required to go to bed at the same time as him" You aren't six years old and he isn't your dad. Nothing is "required" or "demanded" of you other than what you willingly give up yourself. You can say he is a big asshole and keeps asking me to go to bed at the same time because his sleep is easily disturbed. And maybe you should be cognizant of that - though there is nothing worse in the world than sleeping with a cranky light sleeper. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070042) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:14 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I just described what happened when for once I didn't come to bed the instant he snapped his fingers. It was all out war where he attacked me about things he would know will make me feel bad. This is why I don't stand up to him more. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070061) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:13 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point Tbf, sleep is a big deal when you have a particularly stressful job. I was in a previous relationship where gf never went to bed the same time I did and stayed up all hours of the night. It annoyed the fuck out of me. Relationship didn't last...Current wife goes to bed the same time I do and it makes things 100x better. Sleep is a really big deal to some people (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070056) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:15 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is very obsessed with his sleep in a way that I can't convey (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070069) Date: April 10th, 2019 9:02 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point I can understand that...obviously he has issues with type A perfectionism. Failures like not making partner probably make life a living hell for him. And when he can't get to bed at a decent hour, makes things much worse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070330) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Did you edit? Some of this stuff he hadn't really mentioned that much before. I am fully aware that I'm getting older and everything about me is more disgusting. You might hope your partner of all people might give you a break but he is clearly repulsed by me given I basically had to beg him to have sex with me (several months) after I had my baby. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069846) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:44 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Your appearance almost has nothing to do with his reluctance to fuck you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069855) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:29 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Leaving dirty kleenex everywhere is disgusting and demonstrates a profound lack of respect for those who live with you. Time and time again, you give examples where you expect your husband to expend effort to accomadate you, but you won't expend the effort to do something as simple as ensuring you don't leave your repulsive used kleenex around the house. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069755) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok, thanks. As mentioned I hate myself for these things. They are mostly on my side of the bed. I'm going to sleep now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069763) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:42 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood I have been rather critical of you throughout this thread. To be clear, I think you are both likely pig-headed, petty individuals who are far too comfortable with engaging in a prolonged passive-aggressive war against each other. I also think your marital problems could be resolved somewhat easily if you both were committed to the idea and were willing to engage in some genuine empathy for each other. I am almost never in favor of people turning to therapists to solve their problems, but I think you two are a rare exception. However, you need to find the correct therapist, which may be impossible. You need someone who is no-bullshit and willing to be assertive, but will not resort to simply adjudicating who is right and wrong. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069850) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I'm actually a very empathetic person. My husband is not. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069860) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:50 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Your posting ITT (assuming it is not all flame) demonstrates you may be the least empathetic poaster of all time, and that's quite an accomplishment. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069897) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:02 PM Author: plum spectacular forum I agree with Royall Jenkins. You exhibit a clear lack of empathy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069968) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:51 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you are empathetic, but also a bit self centered, if not outwardly selfish like he is (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069900) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:55 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood If she were the slightest bit empathetic, why can't she demonstrate anything approaching a insight into her own husband's state of mind and frame of reference? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069923) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:00 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you have met women before I assume. They understand the feelings of others but are incapable of compartmentalizing their own feelings when their feelings conflict with others. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069958) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:04 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood They understand the feelings, but are completely clueless of the underlying state of mind that is the source of those feelings, i.e., they lack empathy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069987) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have described in this thread that I understand the source of his feelings. He is like a weird robot and pushes me away angrily and is mean to me when he feels bad. It's very hard to work with this. People I know irl would probably say that I am socially awkward but overly apologetic and nice. I do not lack empathy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070036) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:01 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He frequently becomes irrationally angry. He yells at or criticises me all the time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069961) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:17 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Hint: his actions are not irrational. You may not agree with his rational framework, but it exists and he is acting in accordance with it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070081) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:08 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070648) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ouch, but fair. I try not to be self centered. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069931) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:01 PM Author: jade digit ratio native she said, perusing her 1700-post thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069964) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:04 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean with respect to him obviously. This is MY space to shine. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069986) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:48 PM Author: jade digit ratio native "I came back to the bedroom and he started ranting at me for ruining my sleep. He demanded to know what I was doing in the bathroom. I asked if he really wanted a blow by blow tampon description (also true). I said he had no right to demand to know about my bathroom activities. Then he became enraged and just began listing everything that is annoying about me that he tolerates." Reread this part of the exchange and ask yourself if you are explaining or painting yourself as a victim? "demand" "enraged" Dude, its an argument. He asked you what took you so long and you snapped at him and he got mad back. This is a stupid fight in a long string of stupid fights. Yes he is an asshole, but you have a deep unrelenting victim complex. This is a shitty relationship and you should probably divorce him to save all three of you the future stress - but he is more of a self centered asshole inconsiderate of your feelings than an abusive monster. And you are a sensitive person lashing out at criticism. But you are also lashing out. This is a bad situation because neither of you love or respect each other enough to really be the bigger person and put yourself in the shoes of the other. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069889) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:53 PM Author: Offensive Parlor they never loved each other to begin with. they are one of those gay, middle class (not even UMC) "power couples". LH should have just stayed in the midwest and cooked more. london is gay. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069916) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:55 PM Author: Glittery psychic national seems pretty clear to me based on this thread that they are both assholes to each other, probably in the most snide, nasty way. what a shitty relationship (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069930) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:00 PM Author: Offensive Parlor her husband sounds like a dumb, turdskin striver who can't even do well in a grinding rat race profession requiring a passing level of intelligence. she sounds like a brainwashed modern white woman who thinks she can "have it all" and too good for her midwestern roots, and is surprised she is miserable in one of the most expensive cities in the world. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069956) Date: April 10th, 2019 7:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't know how to explain this to you. I came back from the bathroom and it was a sustained barrage of criticism. He literally demanded to know what I had been doing there. My first response was to splutter and ask if he really wanted to know. He was ENRAGED. Nothing could have stopped him from yelling at me. The fact that I told him that he didn't have a right to know the specific facts of what I was doing in the bathroom just threw him into even more of a rage What should I have done in your opinion? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069953) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:05 PM Author: jade digit ratio native "hey turdskin, I was taking a shit and changing my tampon. Would you like to see either? I would appreciate it if you cut me some slack - this is all difficult for me as well and your constant criticism is not helping anything. We need to both have a lot more patience for each other if this is going to workout, so please calm down and save angry comments for things that are actually important. You aren't the only person who needs to sleep - sorry we have to make sacrifices for each other and both need to make sacrifices for our daughter." You dont frame things this way because you are so focused on how he hurts your feelings that you can't engage him from a problem solving perspective. To some extent because being a victim is a place where you are comfortable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069991) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok. I can see what you are saying. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070105) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:03 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, if he would say vaguely nicely that he is tired and can we please go to sleep I would be agreeable. But he doesn't. He immediately becomes mean and critical the instant he feels annoyed. Also sometimes he decides it's ok to stay up late because he wants to but then if I do something similar he flips out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069980) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:06 PM Author: Offensive Parlor you both actually sound really immature for your age as well. getting into these petty arguments, hold long grudges and can't even find a way to reset. prob has something to do with spending your years doing law instead of something meaningful instead. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069998) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:15 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean I can't argue with that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070075) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:19 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Your observation is exactly what I was getting at in my above comment about their marital problems being relatively easy to solve. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070087) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:07 PM Author: jade digit ratio native try communicating rather than reacting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070012) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I described above how I tried to do this the other day. He typically just refuses to accept that he might be wrong or might have done something hurtful. Instead he says my feelings are wrong. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070046) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:22 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood You two are so ridiculously far out of alignment at present that efforts to reestablish meaningful, effective communication will need to be sustained consistently for a prolonged period of time before anything will change. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070104) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean, I have described elsewhere itt that he has a long pattern of not actually giving a shit about me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070111) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:38 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood And from what you have described, you, likewise, have a long pattern of not giving a shit about him. When I said I think you are both to blame, I meant it. You are not the primary problem in this relationship, but neither is he. Both of you share a huge part of the blame. Whether one of you is more to blame than the other is largely beside the point. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070166) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:48 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse How have I demonstrated not giving a shit about him? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071552) Date: April 11th, 2019 10:29 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter You came off as pretty dismissive of his career/job issues. Having gone through something similar myself, I can tell you it can be the worst time in someone’s life, and when we as humans go through an experience like that, yeah it absolutely overcasts everything else, and having an understanding and supportive partner in that moment - even if it means overlooking the partner’s needs - is incredibly important. I can see how he thinks you’ve failed him there. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38072447) Date: April 11th, 2019 10:39 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He did not really give me an opportunity to do this. He lashed out at me very angrily throughout and then when he got his bad news his first instinct was to bully me. I also had my own stuff going on. This doesn't mean I should not worry about his feelings but he certainly wasn't worrying about mine. In the best of times he is emotionally stunted and selfish. Edit: and I wanted to be there for him, but he could not have pushed me away and shut me out emotionally more effectively. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38072501) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:02 PM Author: plum spectacular forum The reason this thread keeps on going is that you have been consistently given the same advice by multiple posters and you refuse to acknowledge you are equally to blame. EVERYONE here sees that you are an equal part of the problem. 1700 posts worth. But you continue to dig in your heels and point the finger at him. You just simply refuse to accept blame. That shows a lack of accountability among other things. You are now striking me as one of those people who, when in conversations, is just waiting for the other person to stop speaking so you start talking again. It is clear that after ALL these replies, you are still fixated on yourself as a survivor of domestic abuse. This entire thread is basically you being dismissive to every single criticism in here. Its unbelievable. I still want to know what the other disgusting things are that you do that makes him not want to have sex with you. I'm guessing you fart a lot in front of him and probably forget to flush the toilet when you take a shit. How close am I? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073218) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:08 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The reason it is embarrassing is because I am very self critical and easily embarrassed by my flaws. I am not a disgusting person. I would be extremely upset if I farted in front of him or anyone. I wouldn't even like burping in front of someone. He is constantly picking his nose in front of me, which I think is way worse than leaving a Kleenex on my side of the bed. He didn't list it as a reason why he doesn't want to have sex with me. It was about how it's so difficult to just tolerate living in the same space as me. I don't think all posters have said I bear 50% responsibility actually. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073257) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:18 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter But every one of us has identified what you could do better, and you have either given us an excuse or an explanation for why not. Listen to earl. Start with your own actions and reactions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073626) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:20 PM Author: Infuriating codepig otoh i think its WAY more than 50. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073635) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:42 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I think we will hit 2000. I think what the male posters don’t understand is that it’s profoundly shitty for a husband to criticize a wife for being a shitty mother because it’s one of the most sensitive areas for a woman, esp when you’re doing the best and clearly doing 90% of the work. I think it’s worse than calling your wife fat and ugly and criticizing her looks since being a mother brings up all sorts of insecurities. My husband and I don’t always agree on how to handle parenting issues, but he always makes it a point to tell me I’m an awesome mom esp when I doubt myself and worry about if I’m doing something right. I would be devastated if he criticized me about it. I do think you can realistically change some of the behavior he hates (like Kleenex). There are plenty of things that annoy couples about living each other and there are small steps you can take to at least eliminate that friction. But you can’t change things about your personality obviously and the criticism about not being there for your daughter is unacceptable and extremely hurtful. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070183) Date: April 11th, 2019 6:02 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Just saw this. Yes, I have been more careful about Kleenex since his rant. (And I honestly think it was a bit of an exaggeration on his part, but not totally unfair.) Your point about criticising me as a mother is a good one. He definitely knows that my daughter is the most important thing to me and it's rare that he has to take much responsibility for her. He separately in one or two nasty arguments has made indirect threats about my visa status and he told me that if I were not able to be in the same country she would be fine. When I said, "but she needs me!" He said that she doesn't, actually, plenty of children are separated from a parent and turn out ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071738) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:02 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy the kleenex thing seems fine to me. now speaking of tampons, if she was leaving the used ones out on the bedroom floor regularly, that would be kind of dirty. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069969) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:04 PM Author: Glittery psychic national the fuck, how is that fine? its barely a step over using smeared toilet paper all over the house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069984) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:06 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i'm way more tolerant of filth than most. but yeah i was trying to think of where the line would be for me, and it's basically used tampons and toilet paper, i think. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38069993) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:08 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Few poasts I read aloud to my black fiancee, but this was one of them. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073253) Date: April 10th, 2019 8:17 PM Author: sapphire double fault shrine As a board moderator, at this point, i feel obligated to nuke this thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070082) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:13 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Literal asshole (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070658) Date: April 10th, 2019 9:06 PM Author: Insecure laughsome point The husband is very clearly a serious aspie..Has this issue been explored? Sounds like any break in routine very much sets him off (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070359) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:50 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I told a friend who knows both of us about this. He wasn't surprised because he thinks my husband is an asshole and he also said, "well, it's pretty clear that he's somewhere on the spectrum." But he doesn't have any sort of diagnosis like that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071555) Date: April 10th, 2019 9:06 PM Author: Sickened Kitchen Coffee Pot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070365) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:13 PM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster this relationship is beyond saving. Not bc either one is more of an asshole or more sensitive than the other, but because they are so clearly resentful of each other that there's no coming back. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070660) Date: April 10th, 2019 10:22 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Shrooms or molly (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38070694) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:32 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy why not both (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071580) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:51 AM Author: arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band yeah. my subthread got buried 100 poasts above but OP said he thinks he's being reasonable and not mean. i guess the silver lining is that he is unintentionally hurting OP. i'm a strong believer in self-improvement and the ability to change for the better. i wouldn't give up after only trying counseling. shrooms, lsd, ecstasy, or other transformative psychedelics could easily accomplish this but i'm guessing neither OP or her husband are open to seriously considering this due to the fear and anxiety of giving up control and ego-preservation. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071481) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:47 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Except he will take any measure to make me do whatever 'reasonable' thing he wants. Then he will deny it's mean even if it obviously was. As an example, my mother had a personal financial crisis last fall that wasn't really her fault where it turned out that her annual income had been miscalculated for years and she actually made a lot less than she believed. It was all so bad that I flew home to help and it was absolutely miserable and stressful. Fairly soon after when he was angry and critical about how I want to spend so much money on childcare he sent me a text that said "you just want to live beyond your means, like your mom." Then he took a moment to think of something even more mean and he wrote, "except unlike her you actually *could* make more money" It was just nasty. He took a very cheap shot af my mother, who immediately made huge changes to her lifestyle to fix her problem and has developed health problems as a result of the stress, in addition to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071551) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:29 AM Author: bipolar amethyst space gonna need you to explain how someone can overestimate how much money they are earning over a period of YEARS and the reason isnt just they are a dumbass, hoss (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071575) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:35 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't want to go into the details but she is self employed and it's due to an error by her accountant. She should have paid more attention but she trusted them (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071583) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:38 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy just have your mom move in so she can talk some sense to hubbie + care 4 dotter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071585) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:42 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse She's not allowed :( She could come on a tourist visa for like 6 months of the year but that's it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071588) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:46 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy it was kind of a joke--unless you're very wrong or at least sort of wrong about this guy (possible), he'd probably be nasty to your mom or at least say mean things about her to you, so in that way it would just compound shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071592) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:51 AM Author: bipolar amethyst space tbf prob like less than 1% of dudes would be ok with their mother in law just moving in for months, sounds like hell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071595) Date: April 11th, 2019 10:41 AM Author: blathering state I would 100% ding it. Tbf, I'd ding my own parents doing that just as fast. Either of them in my house means I'm going to be yelling at them for assorted reasons and I hate yelling at people. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38072511) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:59 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My parents come for a couple weeks a couple of times a year. They have always come when we don't have an au pair. He is mostly ok with them because they do chores around the house and my mom cooks food and looks after our daughter. He assigns tasks to them. They have their own floor of the house and bathroom so they aren't really in the way. He was pretty nasty and resentful when my mom and I wanted to go out and leave our daughter with him during the last weekend she was here last time (I think I detailed this above) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071598) Date: April 11th, 2019 5:51 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have been amused to see my LinkedIn metrics/info following this thread. Edit: obviously I will do nothing about this other than be privately amused (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38071723) Date: April 11th, 2019 12:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I feel that he MUST be cheating on me. Do people care to give their odds on this? When I said this to him (that he must be cheating) he told me I am crazy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073005) Date: April 11th, 2019 12:21 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate why do you think he must. does his dick smell like STRANGE SLIME (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073015) Date: April 11th, 2019 12:23 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What an odd question (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073029) Date: April 11th, 2019 12:41 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate not sure what else would give rise to suspicion (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073118) Date: April 11th, 2019 12:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I can only refer to my previous poasts (see above) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073191) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:23 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate perhaps when he sleeps he is transported to a dreamworld filled with cheerful big titted young women who don't hassle him, and that's why he values his sleep so much. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073339) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:24 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't even have big tits :( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073342) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:36 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate next time it seems appropriate to hit him with a batshit question, you can ask if the reason he hates you is that you don't have big tits (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073428) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Nice, I like it How batshit would you rate the cheating question to be? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073534) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:13 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate you didn't describe a question above, though. you said you told him that he must be cheating. it's fun to imagine the context of that outburst. perhaps he had just said, "jellied eel," (i choose to believe this is his pet name for you) "have i not instructed you to stop leaving bodily-fluid tainted tissues scattered about my house?" and you snapped back, "you MUST be cheating on me!" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073606) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:20 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse More in the context of 'why aren't you interested in having sex with me'. When I informed him recently that it's been like twice in the past year, he expressed surprise (???) Like he hadn't noticed? Does this help you to imagine the scene? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073636) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:23 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate he's just not a sexual person, shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073652) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:29 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Why is this so obvious to you???? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073674) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:30 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate it's a meme! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073679) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:30 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Is that a thing for guys? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073677) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:31 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate i'm sure there are generally asexual guys, or guys who do not feel sexual desire or are otherwise uncomfortable having sex outside of a relationship in which they feel comfortable (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073687) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:31 PM Author: blathering state EDIT: nevermind. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073682) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:30 PM Author: blathering state The guy who was the biggest cheater on his wife I ever met also had a ton of sex with his wife too. The guy was just hyperfocused on getting laid all the time and would spend his day messaging various women. He would then stop on the way home or whatever. The point is, whether he cheats or not isn't explanatory of not having sex with you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073678) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:18 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy "I don't even have big tits :(" maybe ask him if you can use joint funds for enlargement. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073630) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:52 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy "perhaps when he sleeps he is transported to a dreamworld filled with cheerful big titted young women who don't hassle him, and that's why he values his sleep so much." lol. never change, friend. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073516) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:21 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter I don't think he lets her smell his dick any more. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073638) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:02 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, maybe it's even preferable to thinking he just hates me that much? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073219) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:44 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes He seems too uptight and stressed out to cheat because I can’t imagine him going out and secretly meeting women because it takes away from working and billing (and it costs money and he’s cheap)! Even if he met someone at work, I can’t imagine him risking it at this point in his career since there’s more at stake for him if it got discovered. Could he be a deeply closeted homo? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073475) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:19 PM Author: Infuriating codepig earl did say he really relates to this other 100% str8 guy who has also fucked lh a handful of times (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073631) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:21 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073641) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:23 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073650) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:48 PM Author: nofapping stag film it's mean and i'm sure untrue but too funny not to bump. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074131) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This would surprise me, but it's not impossible I guess. I have read a few things that suggest narcissists aren't necessarily that into sex and this is typical behavior, assuming that he has this disorder. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073668) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:52 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter You know who else isn't into sex? People who are depressed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074169) Date: April 11th, 2019 4:00 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Man, he's been depressed for a long time then. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074213) Date: April 11th, 2019 1:58 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood The odds of him cheating are substantially less than the odds that this thread has largely been flame on your part. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073551) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:23 PM Author: blathering state Honestly, if he were cheating on you he would be nicer. He sounds pretty frustrated. If he popped out and fucked some whore he would come home with a spring in his step, give you a kiss on the cheek and ask how your day was or whatever. Since that isn't happening I'm going to assume he didn't get laid. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073648) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:40 PM Author: arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band Lost track of the relevant sub thread so posting here I'm pretty nice to my GFs but have occasionally been accused of being mean when I say something real or call it like it is. Sometimes I get annoyed with the delusions or bullshit mental maps my partner has built up in her mind and want to shatter them. I try to do this without raising my voice or directly insulting her but sometimes it can come off harsh. For example, if you keep wanting to buy stupid, impractical and expensive shit and whining about me being cheap I may call it out. If you would never make the purchase on your own income because you couldn't afford it then it's a purchase that I would definitely scrutinize in terms of overall benefit to the household. Yes, it's joint income but if I'm contributing 66% of it, I need to trust your financial judgement before giving you free reign over the pocket book. If you're irresponsible, consumerist, or if we aren't saving 33% of our income, then there's an issue. If you cried about it and called me a meanie then I might suggest you grow up and engage in a rational discussion about family budgeting and long term planning. The thing about your mom's finances sucks but it drives home how important it is to save. He could've been a dick bringing this up or you could've been overly sensitive, crying foul at a legitimate point he was trying to make. It's hard to know without context. If financial problems are the main source of argument, you guys should sit down with a planner and set a budget. I'd suggest you do it yourselves but sounds like it's too contentious. A 3rd party may be worth it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073728) Date: April 11th, 2019 2:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I appreciate the point you're trying to make, but I am very sensible with money. I paid off my full price law school debt in 5 years with no prior savings and no help from anyone. He treats me like this because he has a problem with money. I agree that your solution could be sensible, particularly third party help because he doesn't value my views (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073777) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:03 PM Author: arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band Well there's a tangible step that could significantly help. Let me know how it works out. You also seem to have poor body image issues. Are you fat? Start working in some regular exercise and learn how to cook healthier meals maybe. I know it's hard with a kid and work but it could be a simple 30 min walk around the block with the kid in the stroller after dinner. If you don't feel attractive it's hard for him to find you attractive. Maybe he joins you or maybe just listen to a podcast on the walk. This might not fix the sexless part but if you aren't happy with your body you should do something about it for yourself out of self respect. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073824) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:09 PM Author: blathering state She is super thin, actually. A lot of us have seen her pic. She is attractive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073858) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:11 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy but she sounds uninterested in boob job and one would suspect is not cheerful, so ~cwwbt (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073880) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:23 PM Author: arousing chest-beating dilemma elastic band Ah, well that's odd. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073973) Date: April 11th, 2019 3:07 PM Author: blathering state One more reason I don't think he is cheating: he is super cheap so he won't just drop $$$s to get laid and frankly, considering how busy and neurotic he is that's basically his primary cheating option. Unless he really is gay, of course. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38073849) Date: April 11th, 2019 4:02 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I can see this argument. He can be quite charming (how I got hooked in) and he is often out late in the evening though - tonight, for example. When we were long distance he once told me about how he cheated on a long distance gf in college. He seemed to think it was an amusing anecdote. I was like wtf and a bit annoyed and he was surprised. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074220) Date: April 11th, 2019 5:25 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate well as carl spackler tp taught us women are excited by reverse-cuckoldry (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074775) Date: April 11th, 2019 11:06 PM Author: blathering state Yeah, but the cheapness becomes a real issue. So he won't get a hotel room, he won't presumably spend to take her out, so what - he is going to go to her place, have her cook for him and then fuck her? Idk, it is possible, but then I get back to "then he would be in a better mood." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076543) Date: April 11th, 2019 5:08 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Sorry to post in the other thread, Nutella. Would everyone like to continue telling me why my therapist is a quack here? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074668) Date: April 11th, 2019 6:09 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Oh I’m posting in that thread too. Tbf I do think most therapists are quacks and is basically like reddit which constantly advocates therapy. I also think you’re 25% responsible for your marital woes but 100% responsible for having bad taste in men. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38075017) Date: April 11th, 2019 6:17 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Burn! Harsh but fair. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38075054) Date: April 11th, 2019 11:08 PM Author: blathering state Right, therapists are like a drug. They on one hand stroke your ego and tell you what you want to hear and on the other the solution is inevitably more therapy. It is their business model. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076552) Date: April 11th, 2019 5:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Also, I think I may know why he is acting nicer. He uses my Amazon account sometimes but usually tells me first. He announced a week or two ago that he had bought something using it. Yesterday I went to buy a book for my daughter and saw that there was a book about emotional abuse (subtitle something like 'angry and controlling men') in the shopping cart which I thought I had removed. He must have seen it... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074756) Date: April 11th, 2019 5:27 PM Author: free-loading jewess Oh yeah, you just "accidentally" left it in your shopping cart (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074783) Date: April 11th, 2019 5:31 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This was definitely an accident. I had a friend buy it for me so it wouldn't be in my history. I thought it was removed from the cart but I may have added it on accident when I didn't realize I was logged in or something. Edit: and I had my friend order it because I was very scared of him knowing (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38074808) Date: April 11th, 2019 11:09 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy and yet he ended up knowing despite all your supposed terror and horror... hmmmm........ (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076555) Date: April 11th, 2019 11:10 PM Author: blathering state And then her worst fears were realized! She was so SCARED he might find out and when he did ... fuck ... nothing happened! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076568) Date: April 11th, 2019 11:17 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy worse than that: he was nicer. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076604) Date: April 12th, 2019 12:20 AM Author: blathering state UGH, can you IMAGINE? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076876) Date: April 12th, 2019 3:58 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It could still come back to bite me. I am treating this as a possible come to God moment on his part but due to many years of his occasionally being nice I am not counting on it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077275) Date: April 11th, 2019 11:08 PM Author: blathering state lol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38076553) Date: April 12th, 2019 1:48 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter you should accidentally leave this thread open on your computer. just make sure to redact some of it first. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38079227) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:41 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083033) Date: April 12th, 2019 4:00 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Update: this morning I forced myself to give him a hug goodbye. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077279) Date: April 12th, 2019 4:02 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you know if you were really nice to him for an entire day or two maybe you guys would fuck; maybe it would nice; maybe you could pretend there was still some luv in it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077282) Date: April 12th, 2019 4:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This is sad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077310) Date: April 12th, 2019 4:36 AM Author: Cerebral Mustard Orchestra Pit jfc lady, warm the fuck up, this is your husband youre talking about, this shouldnt be labor. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077321) Date: April 12th, 2019 4:46 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I know. I wish it weren't. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077345) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:10 AM Author: jade digit ratio native man, you are victimized by both your unfeeling husband and by your own cold feelings towards him, when you should feel nothing but love. double misery! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077384) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:12 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy nothing but hate but she's virtuous and wants to feel the love but still just feels the h8 u dig bro? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077385) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:15 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This is why I feel wary. I realize that the psychobabble terms in here are nauseating: https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58c61f37e4b070e55af9f0f0/amp (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077386) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:21 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i dunno. i kind of sort of feel that you should get him out and do stuff with your friends and see what they think. if you have no friends (there) just do make nice deep friends within the span of a few months and ask them what they think + for halp. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077391) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:24 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He doesn't do this in front of other people. I have a. FRIEND who I text often. She says she's not there to see it but some of what I have described is pretty objectively not ok (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077397) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:30 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy start surreptitiously recording and like send it to earl and nutella and rowan and they can tell you (and xo) what they think? if he doesn't yell/cuss it's going to be hard to make the abuse case. the lack of love case seems easier. he doesn't sex you and i suppose never kisses you with passion either so like it's not much of a romantic relationship right now (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077403) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:37 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What could go wrong? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077412) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:40 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i wonder if the two of you tried to love one another for a weekend whether it could work or whether it would be a blue valentine sort of thing (watch the movie if you haven't already) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077419) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:53 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't think I can bear to watch it again I just read this review and it reminded me of the key bits: https://www.google.com/amp/s/filmschoolrejects.com/blue-valentine-and-the-inevitability-of-toxic-relationships/%3famp (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077429) Date: April 12th, 2019 6:02 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy i felt really bad for dean and frankie and on rare occasion cindy. bobby was bad dude. the potential abortion scene was way sadder than the end of the movie, which was also beyond sad and bad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077437) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:22 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't know quite what to make of this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077393) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:05 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate nice, very WASP. my wife and i hug constantly like proles (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077616) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:07 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse That must be pleasant. People here have told me to be nice to him even though he has pushed me away over years. This is a description of my effort. It is very lucky that my daughter loves cuddling so I don't feel completely dead inside/completely lack human warmth (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077621) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:21 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate yeah it's hard to turn it back when it's been going on for years. we've been pretty good about not letting fights spill into the next day, and cuddling most nights highlights when somebody still has a problem (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077647) Date: April 12th, 2019 6:31 PM Author: Infuriating codepig so brave (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080590) Date: April 12th, 2019 6:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080606) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:20 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081001) Date: April 17th, 2019 8:49 AM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38100305) Date: April 12th, 2019 5:37 AM Author: bearded cyan box office round eye (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077411) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:08 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Keeping things ITT, here is a repoast from the xo poll thread: No, I never said that he does this. I have explained that according to a current, noncriminal definition of abuse, the key is anger and control. You all can apply the label if you want or not, but it's stifling and overwhelming and is destroying me. Someone like my husband knows it's obviously not ok to call me vile names. But he definitely will stop at nothing to get his way, including undermining and manipulating me. He explodes in anger at the slightest provocation (but not consistently so I never know what to expect) There are lots of rules I have to follow, like going to bed at the same time and never, ever bothering him while he is sleeping. If I don't do things the way he wants he will explode in anger or gaslight me (like yesterday when he said that I know the au pair is on duty from 7, when it's definitely 7:15). He puts me down in more subtle ways very frequently. It's difficult to think of an example because it's all so low level. He has made indirect threats about my visa and told me my daughter doesn't need me. In the context of what is supposed to be a family relationship, he constantly makes it very transactional and tells me I ask too much, complains about and insults my job, and makes it clear that he believes he has more decision-making authority due to this. (Like he told me that people who work where I do "don't get to have" the kind of childcare I want - the context being that I told him I wasn't sure an au pair was the right choice for us and he immediately went on the attack. I didn't even have a chance to suggest other childcare options before he started lobbing insults at me. He said before i suggested any kind of alternative that what I wanted was unreasonable and "I ask too much") He is very entitled and seems to believe that I owe him the services of a 1950s housewife and mom while bringing in a shitload of money. Example: we recently had his cousin over for dinner. His expectation was that I would cook all the food (but nothing that took too much time), look after our daughter, and serve him. He did not lift a finger the entire time to help with our daughter. At one point I left for several minutes to change her diaper and deal with a tantrum, and when I came back he asked in a pointed, angry way if I thought it wasn't time for dessert. Then I had to clear everyone's dishes and bring the next course. Again, it's hard to explain but he just treats me like I am his accessory. He didn't thank me or say anything showing recognition that I had enabled him to have a bit more time with his cousin. At the time he also didn't pretend to care that I was missing out on part of the conversation. Obviously it was my job to do all of this and facilitate his life Similarly, he often insists I do admin things, but then he will stand over me directing me. Like this morning he wanted me to send a text to the au pair. I started doing it and he began critiquing what I was writing and telling me exactly what to say. I apparently can't even send a text correctly! I mentioned the credit card application in the other thread. I had always been pretty clear I didn't want this card. He filled out the application and bullied me into signing it in that moment (he guilted me, said it was my turn, explained why I was unreasonable). He said he was 'helping' me. With respect to this extension he wants to do, I really don't want to spend all of our cash, the plans are all centered on what he wants, and he has suggested I am a big unreasonable baby for not wanting to live on a building site for several months. He will definitely try to make me bring my USD over for this. I think his strategy is to wait until we actually owe the money. Then what he will say is that I don't contribute enough, he will say things about how it's not fair always to depend on his parents for loans so we should use my money instead (he will probably make a mean remark about how my parents don't have any money), and any other mean and manipulative thing he can think of. I know he will do this because these are things he has already said in a slightly different context. I think this is why he is being nice to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38077624) Date: April 12th, 2019 6:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Tonight I asked about his plan for the extension, and paying for it. He started talking about my USD. I said no. As predicted, he began saying this is horrible of me and I am basically forcing us to ask his parents for a loan. I said we don't have to build it this year. He said that we do, and I will have to repay a loan with interest to the joint account or get a credit card if I refuse to bring my money over. I did talk to him as if he were a toddler through this and it helped. Then I made an effort to chat pleasantly. I mentioned the drafting I am doing. He was greatly offended and said that this is the kind of work only juniors do. He kept talking about it in an insulting way I explained that it works differently where I work and then told a funny story. He was clearly fixated on the pathetic low level work I do and brought the conversation back to it. He kept pushing me on my future career plans and insisted that I should try for a promotion. I asked why we had to discuss this and pointed out that he makes me talk about how shit my job is constantly. He explained that this conversation is different because it's about my career advancement rather than switching jobs or moving to a 4 day week. I have a deadline on Monday and I need to work some this weekend toward it. This angers him. He again began complaining about how I don't spend enough time with our daughter. Separately, when he came near her tonight she kicked at him and said "I don't like it!" I encouraged her to see daddy and she refused, clinging to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080570) Date: April 12th, 2019 6:29 PM Author: jade digit ratio native good on you for refusing to give him cash. seriously do not give him your separate American money under any circumstance. Tell him not to spend money you don't have. He needs to be responsible with spending if he wants you to be responsible with spending. I wish XO could help with these argument Cyrano-style, that would be 180 content creation and would push this thread to 3000 easily. Can you argue with him over messenger or whats up or whatever you foreign commies use now. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080585) Date: April 12th, 2019 6:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He doesn't like to engage over messenger. I agree, that would be amazing. I also feel that if xo saw how swiftly he turns to manipulative attacks this might change the collective view. This will probably be an ongoing argument, but at least in the moment when I talked to him like a naughty toddler, he kind of backed down (since obviously everything he was saying was pathetic - srsly, I will have to pay the joint account with interest? Just before that he had said that my upcoming bonus is clearly part of the pot). So you all may be helping! This advice worked very well. Thanks, nutella, et al! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080626) Date: April 12th, 2019 6:46 PM Author: jade digit ratio native compartmentalize everything. one issue at a time. treat him like a child - nutella is spot on about that it seems. most importantly dont get angry - at this point you have nothing to lose, so consider it liberating. explain the joint account interest shit? Why is this house extension so important? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080655) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:00 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I actually think that was an illogical bullying tactic. It doesn't seem to make sense? He is VERY desperate to do it now. I don't fully know why. He's very obsessive so that could be part of it. I have also wondered if he is thinking of leaving me and this is a way to wrap up all the assets in some way that may be advantageous to him Something bad is that the house is in his name only and all financial records will show he pays the mortgage (even though our arrangement is that I pay funds that do go to it in theory). I am worried that he could try to exploit this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080697) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:06 PM Author: jade digit ratio native explain your arrangement. If the house is in his name only you absolutely should NEVER put a cent of your sole property into it. This should be obvious. Are you basically paying for certain family expenses and he pays for others, but the mortgage payments come from his account? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080714) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:09 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean I also put all of my assets into its purchase. It should also be considered mine. We each pay a proportionate amount of our incomes into a joint account which pays bills. However, how this happens in practice is he pays some bills (including mortgage) directly and then some small amount into the joint account. I just pay my whole sum into the account. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080719) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:11 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you are smarter than this. why do you let him do this? how much did you put into the down payment (of your English assets I guess?) versus how much did he put in? Why is your name not on the title? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080726) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The initial reason is that I am still subject to US tax and therefore it seemed sensible to stay out of it. My thought was that I am still due half of all assets in the event the marriage fails. I only recently realized how bad it looks that he pays the mortgage himself. I put like 100k USD in I think. Maybe a bit less. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080738) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:17 PM Author: jade digit ratio native how much did he put into it? did he sell an old place? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080742) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes. He put a lot more into it because he had big profits from his last place. He loves to talk about how we have the house thanks to him and he put in X percent so I am very lucky erc. If we broke up he would have no compunction about screwing me out of the money I have put in. I know it's dumb, but I was taking a joint assets kind of view to it all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080776) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:31 PM Author: jade digit ratio native so I bought my place before I got married and paid 100% of the down payment. But the mortgage is paid 100% from joint assets. If my wife and I got divorced we would split the equity from the mortgage and I keep the equity from my down payment. I would probably end up paying her $100,000 to move out for the house (not counting splitting the rest of our assets). That seems fair to me. How much was your house and how much is the extension. If you guys are buying $2 million homes in the london burbs, you should tell him to fuck off with his extension. If you put in $100K that is nothing to scoff at. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080790) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's like $1.5 mil and fairly central. The kitchen is truly horrible so I can see why he wants to do it. It's just that his fixation seems unnecessary and I don't love the idea of draining all liquid assets for this. It's nice that this seems fair to you. He is a very different person and is filled with resentment, so I am very certain he would be upset about anything I got in a divorce settlement since I am so lazy and he is the breadwinner etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080820) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:56 PM Author: jade digit ratio native well one problem is that you guys bought a $1.5 million house when you make $275K between the two of you. And you know his family paid for the down payment on his first house, so he can fuck off. how much would the extension be? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080887) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:04 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The figures keep changing. Let's say 80k USD TBF he got a big windfall through insane property value rises with the last place, so the house is more affordable than it may appear. (But of course he believes he deserves and earned this) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080935) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:06 PM Author: jade digit ratio native and how did he pay the down payment for the last place? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080950) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think his parents helped (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080986) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:18 PM Author: jade digit ratio native tell him to be a man and make more money if he wants to spend more money on his house. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080994) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ahhhh! But do you really think it's HIS house? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081007) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:23 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman sure, sounds like he paid for almost all of it besides your portion of the down payment (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081022) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And also all my contributions to the monthly payment the past few years? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081053) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:27 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman oh i thought you said he paid the whole mortgage. if thats the case then no, its both of your house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081060) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse the scary thing is that accounting wise it could look that way, but he isn't. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081079) Date: April 15th, 2019 1:30 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes He is the worst kind of cheap...someone who spends beyond his means on big items but is cheap with small daily things. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38091480) Date: April 12th, 2019 7:58 PM Author: Infuriating codepig you are poison and need to be kept away from your daughter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080894) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Do you really believe my husband is better (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081016) Date: April 12th, 2019 9:25 PM Author: Infuriating codepig well he hasn't turned his innocent child against zher parent so yes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081299) Date: April 13th, 2019 2:59 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse If I have, this has been completely unconscious or it's been due to her being in situations where she sees us arguing. Unfortunately he goes from fawning over her to refusing to cuddle her so it is logical that she would be wary of him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082285) Date: April 13th, 2019 10:43 AM Author: Infuriating codepig no, you evil freak. its been because of your actions. no fucking 2.5 year old moron toddler organically hates zher father or has analyzed the situation like your online therapist and reached the objective rational conclusion that youre 100% the victim and therefore zhe should choose to take your side. you fucking mentally ill psycho. think about how fucking insane you have to be to think thats what going on. THE ONLY REASON YOUR FUCKING CHILD IS AGAINST YOUR HUSBAND IS BECAUSE YOURE AN ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT WHO HAS DEMANDED THAT SHE BE. SERIOUSLY THINK ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK YOURE SAYING. YOU ARE LITERALLY SAYING YOU THINK YOUR FUCKING TINY BABY HAS EXAMINED THE EVIDENCE AND DECIDED YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING INSANE YOU ARE? THAT IS NOT WHAT FUCKING BABIES DO. THE BABY SIDES WITH YOU AGAINST YOUR HUSBAND BECAUSE YOU--YOU YOU YOU--DEMAND SHE SIDE WITH YOU. BECAUSE YOURE AN ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT. THE BABY DOESNT PREFER YOU. THE BABY KNOWS THAT YOU--YOU YOU YOU---WILL WITHHOLD LOVE IF SHE DOESNT INDULGE YOUR TWISTED, PSYCHOTIC VENDETTA AGAINST YOUR HUSBAND. YOUR BABY KNOWS THAT YOU--YOU YOU YOU--WILL ONLY LOVE HER IF SHE TAKES YOUR "SIDE" AGAINST HER OWN FUCKING FATHER. SHE HAS NO FEAR THAT HER FATHER WILL BASE HIS FEELINGS ON HOW SHE RESPONDS TO YOUR ARGUMENTS SO SHE SIDES WITH YOU. FUCKING CONGRATULATIONS YOUVE SUCCESSFULLY TORTURED AND MANIPULATED A FUCKING TODDLER. SHE IS ON YOUR "SIDE" LIKE YOU WANT. ENJOY IT. YOUR CHILD KNOWS YOU ONLY LOVE HER AS LONG AS SHE PROPS UP YOUR PSYCHOTIC NARRATIVE. SHE TAKES YOUR SIDE BECAUSE SHE KNOWS YOU WOULD TOSS HER OVERBOARD IF SHE DIDNT. KILL YOURSELF YOU TWISTED PIECE OF SHIT. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082652) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:10 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate this is stupid even for you (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082698) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:13 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082706) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:29 AM Author: Infuriating codepig you seriously dated the box as an adult "man." youre therefore not allowed to talk about sanity or human psychology or anything really you retarded autistic freak (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082761) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:31 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate your underlying premise is that a 2.5 year old can't recognize on their own that someone is mean, but can be subtly manipulated. that's just dumb, man. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082767) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:35 AM Author: Infuriating codepig unfuck your iq and read it in the form of the question i posed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082783) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:40 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate are you really that incapable of examining your underlying assumptions? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082799) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:59 AM Author: Infuriating codepig question doesnt require any assumptions. its a thought experiment where ive stipulated the conditions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082867) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:35 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy "seriously"? didn't sound that serious--didn't seem to be aiming to wife or common law marriage wife that shit like sabu or straighttttt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082782) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:37 AM Author: Infuriating codepig but he took her to per se. thats as serious as it gets. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082791) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:44 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy well, i'm not saying the life of biglaw misery + occasional splurges is a sensible or good one, but if you're in biglaw, you're miserable, and you're making lots of money, going to a restaurant like per se every now and then doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world (certainly not as bad as spending another week straight in the office). you're probably not going to want to eat alone, so why not bring some 19 year old with big tits along for the ride? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082817) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:50 AM Author: appetizing place of business senate appreciate the spirited defense, but i'm happy to cop to being a retarded autistic freak (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082837) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:03 PM Author: Infuriating codepig weird that in this hypo the biglawyer is "miserable" and literally dates the box but still feels like he can and should run above-it-all shtick for a dozen fucking years on an anonymous unemployed fordham shitlawyer message board. but, as you said, why not? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082886) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:22 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy even an elevated mind & soul might find him or herself embedded in miserable circumstances, with the mood to match. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082951) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:27 PM Author: Infuriating codepig he might also find himself "embedded" in a "circumstance" with another xo woman. perhaps he would like me to talk about that instead of his per se dates with the box? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082970) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:47 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i've fucked posters, you've fucked posters (maybe i'm wrong about that), he's fucked posters (i guess? don't recall whether he ever put in box's vajay and i've no clue who else may have transferred under him), but why talk about any such particular events that aren't matters of documented board record? on occasion there could be good reason i suppose; doubt there is here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083059) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:55 PM Author: Infuriating codepig youre also a weird autistic freak. remember when i posted a factual response to a thread that "x didnt fuck y" and you bizarrely replied, "actually, sometimes people like x sometimes fuck people like y"? what exactly was going through your head when you decided to post that? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083092) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:57 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy actually i don't but of course i remember your animus, which of course you just think means you're a cool chill bro who "gets" xo. ok whatevs big guy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083102) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:04 PM Author: Infuriating codepig no, seriously, explain this post. like, you looked at this and *decided* to hit reply and type in this response: http://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=4216477&mc=19&forum_id=2#38066247 walk me through your mental illness here. youve been on a crusade to "correct" me when i literally never need your low iq autistic help. here are the facts: it was a flame thread about delilah and i reference the funny story about how the dork didnt fuck delilah. thats an actual irl fact, not my interpretation. you decide to respond to me for no reason at all to say that sometimes musicians get laid. why would you do that? like, what went through your head? did you think i was unaware that at some points in time some musicians have gotten laid? precisely how was that responsive to my reference to the funny irl story about the delilah guy getting nowaged? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083126) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:09 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy pointing out that weird dork musicians often get laid like mega chads fits fine in that thread imo--i'll let others beyond the two of us judge whether i'm an "aspie retard" and whether you're an "aspie asshole" based on our posts in that thread, and this subthread. thanks much. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083154) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:20 PM Author: Infuriating codepig how about you stop being an autistic dork who thinks i want your help reading nutella posts? we can just get this out of the way ahead of time: i will never need your interpretation of anything, ever. theres zero chance you have understood something ive missed and i dont want your opinion. seriously, make your own posts. stop following me around and asking for my attention with weird replies (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083205) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:26 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Like fml said it was actually your posts in that subtrhead as well that merited the autist beeps. Why don’t you just stop being such an asshole it’s not actually just “cool xo bro” stuff I don’t think (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083231) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:31 PM Author: Infuriating codepig ? ive already put fml in his cage and im putting you in yours now. find a new hobby besides riding my dick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083250) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:43 PM Author: appetizing place of business senate it's hard to leave you alone, though. it's like being able to poke the shrieking homeless guy on the street with a stick, but without the risk of feces (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083291) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:58 PM Author: Infuriating codepig http://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=4240790&mc=1&forum_id=2 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083346) Date: April 13th, 2019 7:33 PM Author: hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38084513) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:18 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Wow, you spent a lot of time on this, huh? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082721) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:22 AM Author: Infuriating codepig no (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082732) Date: April 13th, 2019 11:19 AM Author: Infuriating codepig let me put this in the form of a question you can ask any psychologist. this is not a trick question; there is only one right answer. two parents, one young child. parent A is abusive and manipulative. parent B is not. parent A's "love" for the child (or anyone) is based on what the child can do for them and varies from 0-100 depending on how much the child does or does not "support" them. parent B's love for their child is based on their role as parent to child. parent A and parent B are fighting with each other but not with the child. whose side does the child take? parent B because the child thinks parent B is in the right? or parent A because the child's relationship with parent A depends on the child taking A's side? the child will always run right to the abusive parent. every single time. why? because the abusive parent needs them to and the non-abusive one doesnt. you are completely nuts if you think the child will choose who is morally superior. please go ahead and ask your fake therapist this question. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082722) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:02 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse She prefers me because she feels safe and loved with me. I would never reject her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082882) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:04 PM Author: Infuriating codepig ask the question as written to a professional. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082888) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:20 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This question makes no sense in the context. 2 year olds don't really give much back other than cuddles (which are lovely). They're mostly demanding and annoying, which is why my husband ignores or is annoyed with our daughter much of the time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082944) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:25 PM Author: Infuriating codepig ? youre the one who said she takes your side. so ask the question as written in your written psych session. thank (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082962) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:35 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, I said she prefers me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082992) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:43 PM Author: Infuriating codepig not true. but anyway ask as written as a *hypo* (notice i didnt even use your name!): Reply FavoriteEdit Your Message Date: April 13th, 2019 11:19 AM Author: deus vult (from Contantinople to the stars) let me put this in the form of a question you can ask any psychologist. this is not a trick question; there is only one right answer. two parents, one young child. parent A is abusive and manipulative. parent B is not. parent A's "love" for the child (or anyone) is based on what the child can do for them and varies from 0-100 depending on how much the child does or does not "support" them. parent B's love for their child is based on their role as parent to child. parent A and parent B are fighting with each other but not with the child. whose side does the child take? parent B because the child thinks parent B is in the right? or parent A because the child's relationship with parent A depends on the child taking A's side? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083046) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:34 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Are you familiar with the opening lines of Anna Karenina? Your hypothetical is dumb and is built on many assumptions. Clearly with the specific fact pattern you have created in your imaginary world (which is apparently how you think all relationships where a child prefers or takes the side of one parent works), the answer is A. There is no way my daughter believes my love is contingent on anything. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083256) Date: April 13th, 2019 1:35 PM Author: Infuriating codepig bitch, dont talk to me about literature. im the one who gave you your moniker. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083263) Date: April 14th, 2019 4:57 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Did you? Thanks for that. Thanks also for the totally irrelevant hypothetical (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38085647) Date: April 13th, 2019 7:30 PM Author: hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38084509) Date: April 13th, 2019 7:28 PM Author: hyperventilating big-titted halford sex offender (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38084498) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:00 PM Author: wonderful new version shut the FUCK up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38080910) Date: April 12th, 2019 8:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty for another bump (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081012) Date: April 12th, 2019 9:30 PM Author: wonderful new version kill yourself. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081321) Date: April 13th, 2019 12:32 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy dat's not nice pumo. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082020) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:00 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092246) Date: April 12th, 2019 9:22 PM Author: cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate i do think your husband is a narcissist. i think you're borderline. i also think there's a chance you're having an affair on him. if i'm right on the latter, i'm actually asking you NOT to confirm it. this is beyond toxic. i DO think you should divorce. but after you do, you need about a three-year hiatus from men. and you need to throw yourself into therapy. your husband is an utter dick. but you for some reason want to be a damaged victim, and you're acting out a play together where you're each paying archetypical roles. daughter first. daughter first. daughter first. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081284) Date: April 12th, 2019 9:42 PM Author: wonderful new version this will fall on deaf ears. this bitch is delusional. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081381) Date: April 12th, 2019 9:44 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman daughter first means suck it up and dont divorce (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081394) Date: April 12th, 2019 9:46 PM Author: wonderful new version one might think so, but when the relationship is super toxic the kid ends up witnessing a bunch of shit they shouldn't and the parents are on edge and more likely to take shit out on the kid. also, murder-suicides more likely (including possibly the kid). the "stay together for the kid" thing only works in mild-moderately bad relationships. like two people who don't really like each other but are otherwise fairly stable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081403) Date: April 12th, 2019 9:46 PM Author: cracking cruel-hearted piazza degenerate this is not true (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38081407) Date: April 13th, 2019 3:27 PM Author: blathering state This, especially since she is likely to get into a marriage with exactly the same type of person. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38083648) Date: April 13th, 2019 3:15 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hi again! It appears that 1500 more posts or whatever have just confirmed your views! I promise that I am not having an affair. I can see why this would appear logical but I really don't think I could emotionally handle the stress of this (in addition to the fact that it's morally not ok and would definitely only cause me problems down the line). My self esteem is also fairly low in this moment and I feel ugly and worthless, which probably doesn't attract the suitors (or maybe it does attract predators, hence your advice) I didn't really know anything about borderline personality disorder until I read your earlier post. Looking at descriptions of it, I can see why you would think this. If you're correct, i would guess I would have only a mild case of it if that's possible? There are logistical reasons for me to stay in this relationship for a while even though this is very difficult to face. Taking a hiatus from men definitely sounds like a good idea. I don't think I engage with men in healthy ways. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082303) Date: April 13th, 2019 3:21 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy box was bpd and fml "dated" her, so maybe check with him to see whether he sees any of her in you. based on the virtual evidence alone, not sure i'm seeing it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082308) Date: April 13th, 2019 3:23 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Reading the description of the way a borderline personality person feels, I can see it. I don't know if I come across as being very unstable IRL, but my emotional life is a turmoil of abandonment issues and I basically never feel at ease. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082309) Date: April 13th, 2019 3:28 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy what is it that would distinguish you from an anxious depressive (the two disorders are generally co-morbid) with a fucked up childhood with abandonment issues? i don't see that short form description as necessarily or even generally co-extensive with bpd. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082315) Date: April 13th, 2019 3:30 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Idk. I don't know anything about it other than what I have briefly read on the internet. I have always assumed I had more anxiety than anything. SUPER anxious. I kind of think mental disorders are difficult to define anyway. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082319) Date: April 13th, 2019 3:34 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you seem like a melancholic anxious depressive to me, at least when things aren't going well. you have an ego and some anger issues like most smart accomplished women would but i don't know that that makes you narcissistic, bipolar, or bpd. i would surmise (like i said, based on the little i know of you) you're probably not any of those three things. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38082326) Date: April 14th, 2019 6:21 AM Author: crawly curious lettuce bump (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38085723) Date: April 14th, 2019 6:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Well, since you asked. Last night my husband hassled me about my job some more. He said I should 'take some time back' next week and not do my contractual hours. I told him no. He kept pushing me and I lost my temper. I think he enjoyed this. He just watched me with a little smile while I told him that I have repeatedly asked him to lay off about my job, it's not helpful to push me on this, and I asked him if he is aware I want him to stfu about it. He agreed but then continued to tell me that he can't help himself because he's so offended by my job and I refuse to push back. This morning I told my daughter that we will go get a goodbye present for the au pair. My husband objected to doing anything nice for the au pair and he said that our daughter needs to understand that the au pair is leaving because of our daughter. I hope it's obvious why this is fucked. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38085733) Date: April 14th, 2019 2:54 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Ask him if he is aware of his autism and lack of empathy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38087236) Date: April 14th, 2019 3:25 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think this would just lead to more unpleasantness. Things really go best when I ignore his idiocy and pretend like it's normal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38087384) Date: April 15th, 2019 1:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Christ, now he has invited his entire family over for Easter. Now I have the conundrum of the fact the he clearly will want me to cook but he will then be pissed off regarding the mess and the time involved (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38091619) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:00 PM Author: blathering state "Christ, now he has invited his entire family over for Easter" That's CRAZY! His FAMILY for EASTER? Even I'm having friends and family over for Easter. "Now I have the conundrum of the fact the he clearly will want me to cook but he will then be pissed off regarding the mess and the time involved" Idk, maybe talk to him about this? Crazy, I know. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092242) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:03 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter pls refer to the subthread above where she has previously had a bad experience cooking for his family. LH, why don't his family help with the cleanup? seems pretty standard, at least it has been at every single family gathering (mine and others') I've ever been to. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092269) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:11 PM Author: Infuriating codepig absurdly prole. id never insult a host by trying to clean their own fucking house. "offering to help" is saying theyre not capable of serving a meal without everything collapsing around them. thats some real embarrassing shit behavior (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092334) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:41 PM Author: blathering state You wouldn't offer to help clear the table or something at a family gathering? It is normal for us. We won't really clean the house in advance. The maid will come on Saturday. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092566) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:45 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We would not normally ask them for help and if they offered we would refuse. I would not be offended or think less of them, though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092603) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:54 PM Author: Infuriating codepig not in a house id never lived in (ie, where the owners are people i never lived under). i think offering in that circumstance is absurd and tacky because they will have to refuse so all im doing by "offering" is forcing them to refuse and thank me for being so generous as to offer, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092665) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:57 PM Author: blathering state You wouldn't offer say, siblings, grandparents, etc.? I'd say it is more about familiarity than anything else. I agree that general the offer is refused but not always and I don't think there's anything wrong with the host taking people up on it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092702) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:13 PM Author: Infuriating codepig im white. i dont have familiar relations with family members at the aunt-uncle + level. i could see it with my sibling. i wouldnt in my particular case (for reasons irrelevant here) but i guess i could see it. but i dont picture easter or thanksgiving at a family members house as the kind of informal chill sesh where itd be normal for me to help my sibling clean up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092835) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:39 PM Author: blathering state I must have missed that subthread but will be sure to wade through 1800+ posts above to find it! But seriously, this is all weird issues. Agree that family always should help cook/clean. For this Easter family and friends are already bringing some dishes, we'll make others (and are ordering expensive black caviar), etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092558) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:44 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes, he was awful last Easter. I happily made them dinner and then he was very angry because he apparently expected that I could make a big holiday meal in an hour or two while producing no dishes. It was bizarre. I have talked to him about what's involved in making this dinner (more people this year) and he has suggested he will not hassle me. Hopefully true! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092588) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:51 PM Author: blathering state The word "suggested" is odd here. Actually talk and agree about how this will work. The biggest issue with your marriage is that shit like this appears to be a challenge. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092640) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:59 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My view is that he gets very stuck on certain ideas and then gets angry when things don't turn out the way he expected. Perhaps you could say I made a mistake in that I assumed he would understand that it takes a long time to make a big roast dinner. Last year I did give him warning the night before that I would have to get up at X time and start cooking. He kicked off as soon as I said that and refused to believe it was true. He decided I was going overboard and he stuck to that belief. Since then he has brought this up multiple times as an example of how I always go overboard cooking. But it was practically the most basic Easter dinner I could make while meeting expectations. The only extra things I did were marinate the lamb overnight and make some Panna cotta the night before. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092723) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:00 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh and I say "suggested" because I don't really trust him not to be a jerk again this time if he sees an opportunity. Like he might say he gets it will take a while but it would not be uncharacteristic for him then to turn on me later and pretend he hadn't agreed (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092735) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:59 PM Author: blathering state Seriously, make him help if he is going to be difficult. This is our rule with everything. If you're going to give me shit, you're helping me do it. Don't like how I'm fixing the car? Grab a wrench. I don't like how she is gardening? I have to help. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093161) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:03 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse You guys sound like you've got a nice relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093194) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:11 PM Author: blathering state Ha, her mother was recently complaining to my mother that we fight all the time. So I suppose everything is a matter of perspective. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093247) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:55 PM Author: Infuriating codepig holy shit fish eggs from all over (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092677) Date: April 15th, 2019 3:58 PM Author: blathering state Chicken eggs too! Really just eggs from all over! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092710) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:31 PM Author: Infuriating codepig #ballin #thatlife (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092952) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:38 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Is your caviar sounds delicious. How will you serve it? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093023) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:55 PM Author: blathering state In the following ways: 1) with fresh baked bread and butter; 2) with potatoes; and 3) with eggs (of course) Also, this is some of the best Sturgeon out there, not some bowfin or other US nonsense. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093128) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:31 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse What is the BEST way? I have fairly limited caviar experience (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093367) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:38 PM Author: blathering state Depends on who you ask. In addition to what I wrote, some also like them on Crepes. Some Polish friends just eat caviar with sour cream. There isn't one "best way" to eat it. In other words, this is a bit like asking "what is the best way to eat an egg? Soft boiled? Hard bioled? Omlette? Poached? Scrambled? On an egg, cheese and bacon sandwich?" etc. Usually people eat all of those at different times and enjoy them all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093407) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:17 PM Author: Infuriating codepig on the other hand polacks had thousands of years to develop a cuisine and the best they could come up wtih was a fucking potato piece wrapped in fucking dough. its literally dough wrapped around a potato. seriously think about that. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093601) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:32 PM Author: blathering state OTOH, pierogi are really, really tasty! And it isn't "just a potato" - it is mashed potato with whatever flavors you want to add in (like cheese, for example). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093706) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:36 PM Author: Infuriating codepig indeed. i talked to the the polack nobel peace prize winner at a pierogi festival. i guess he was potus of polacks too. dis top pierogi experience, no? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093732) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:48 PM Author: blathering state Talking to Lech Wałęsa? All you needed was Pope John Paul II there too... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093805) Date: April 15th, 2019 7:12 PM Author: Infuriating codepig i didnt mention jp we did have a weird conversation about margaret thatcher and ronald reagan with some other slav interjecting with STRONG hot takes. i had to put the brakes on bc i didnt know who this other slav was but based on lech's reactions he must have also been a big swinging dick (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093948) Date: April 15th, 2019 7:14 PM Author: Infuriating codepig this other slav was also trashing vaclav havel at some point if that narrows it down for you soviet experts (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093958) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:04 PM Author: blathering state So far none of this is surprising. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094700) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:31 PM Author: Infuriating codepig "theese is number one fish reproductive output. you know this. finest russian foodstuffs in all of staten island easter feasts. and we eat with bread, potatoes, pretty much any carb we want. we are king here, no?" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093368) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:34 PM Author: blathering state Caviar on egg involves no carbs, silly American... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093387) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:38 PM Author: Infuriating codepig "even make egg have carb because we make any feast we want" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093406) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:40 PM Author: blathering state We Russians do not conform to your silly Western expectations. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093416) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:57 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty for the analogy. I can see that these are just another type of egg Caviar with egg sounds like the best option of all of these (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093499) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:18 PM Author: blathering state Here's what I would say - if you're totally new to caviar, bread, butter and caviar is the most common and neutral introduction. But eggs and caviar is also up there. The only issue is that eggs have a strong taste on their own. On the bright side, eggs need some salt and caviar is naturally salty (even if it is to the malossol standard, which means "little salt" in Russian, and is what black caviar should be). I would recommend Russian Osetra sturgeon. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093604) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have had a bit of mediocre caviar with blini, chopped egg, red onion, and sour cream. And vodka obviously. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093668) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:29 PM Author: blathering state Nah, mediocre caviar is just bad. Either have good black caviar or skip it. Good red caviar is much, much cheaper and I'd much rather have good red caviar than mediocre black caviar. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093680) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:36 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think what I had was probably ok-ish. It was the cheapest option at Pravda on Lafayette if that means anything to you (I see it closed). I think it was red. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093727) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:57 PM Author: bateful light locus half-breed Since when do turds celebrate Easter? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093151) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:04 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He's mixed race. And the whole family totally embraces local culture to a weird degree (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093206) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse FFS. The au pair is leaving early tomorrow. I told her she didn't have to wash the dishes. My husband just said in an irritated way that he doesn't know why I told her that. I told him I will do it. Then he frowned at me and said, again in an irritated voice, that dinner last night was very salty. (I bought some prepared food that was easy to make because I was working.) It was chicken with a tiny bit of brie on it wrapped in bacon, with some potatoes and vegetables. He said, "I don't like to eat cheese at dinner. Next time I hope you can remember that." Guess I will go wash the dishes now. Again, I'm aware that this isn't horribly offensive. He just complains at me all the fucking time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38092900) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:42 PM Author: jade digit ratio native invite him to cook next time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093045) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:43 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood I have come full circle and now believe you two are perfect for each other. You deserve him, and he deserves you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093054) Date: April 15th, 2019 4:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't care that much about washing the dishes but he is aware that I had 2 hours sleep. He is just making me do the dishes to make a point. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093108) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:22 PM Author: free-loading jewess So you're paying $$$ for an au pair and you're running on two hours of sleep, but you tell your employee that they don't have to do the work you paid them to do? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093309) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse She's leaving forever tomorrow morning Edit: and I made a goodbye dinner (though just reheated today so not a massive mess). I thought it would be nice for her to have time to gather her stuff etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093329) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:42 PM Author: blathering state Wtf, this person lived in their house for quite some time. They're paid shit to look after their child. A nice gesture when they're leaving isn't ridiculous. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093427) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:07 PM Author: Vigorous vengeful roast beef what sort of life insurance does he have? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093220) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:11 PM Author: blathering state lol, jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093252) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:13 PM Author: Vigorous vengeful roast beef what i'm saying is might have a solution which is best for everyone (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093262) Date: April 15th, 2019 5:52 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I actually have a serious question for you all. His birthday is coming up very soon. What should I get him/do? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093484) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:11 PM Author: blathering state Well, he is cheap so probably doesn't want something expensive... So what is free and that he'll really like? Oh, I know! Unbelievably dirty sex - anal, choking, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093565) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He definitely doesn't want me to spend much money. He buys whatever he really wants and he is insanely picky. But I think he also doesn't want sex from me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093590) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:24 PM Author: blathering state "But I think he also doesn't want sex from me." So if you showed up and promised that he could do anything he wants to you that he would just be like "nah, I'm good"? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093650) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse When I have been keen and attempted to initiate he has said he is too tired. A few times when I have THROWN myself at him we have done it. I feel weird about it all under the circumstances. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093688) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:35 PM Author: blathering state Not getting laid on my birthday is the sort of thing that would cause me to start re-evaluating my entire life. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093723) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:37 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't know how to explain how much he seems not to give a shit about this. He basically only seems to want it on his own terms. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093738) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:45 PM Author: blathering state This is fundamentally perplexing to me. Something is going on here and I suspect if we understand this we can unravel the entire puzzle. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093784) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:50 PM Author: nofapping stag film https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/02/hes_just_not_that_into_anyone.html (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093825) Date: April 15th, 2019 7:34 PM Author: blathering state While this is SCHOLARSHIP it is also BS. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094057) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:48 PM Author: nofapping stag film I wouldn't read too much into it. Briefly and broadly there exists a narcissism in which an insult to the image the narcissist must at all costs to himself (and it is usually a he) keep up in the world ("keeping up appearances" gets at it) can cause impotence. In this case he can perform only with someone he can pretend to be a bigshot lawyer in front of -- not the nagging wife that knows the truth about his disappoinTTTing career and throws it in his face during fights. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094860) Date: April 16th, 2019 4:44 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have read similar things. Just to be clear, despite his many putdowns of my job, I have never once breathed a hint that his job isn't good enough or suggested that he really should have made partner but failed. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38095664) Date: April 15th, 2019 7:44 PM Author: Infuriating codepig i dont think youre going to be very useful in this investigation but ill let you try, i guess. step 1: do you think, perhaps, lh could be missing a possible case when she says he "doesnt give a shit" because he doesnt initiate sex with her? think hard now. lets suspend your own bias ("vat? if i care i make sex with law shrew wife"--yes, that is what you do, we got that) for a moment and treat this like an lsat problem--can you see a potential logical space--no matter how counter-intuitive to you--where hes not fucking her but does give a shit? ***protip***: this logical space, completely unexplored by lh, is where were eventually going to find our answer! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094120) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:02 PM Author: blathering state Space consist of: 1. LH not understand that he make request for sex 2. LH's husband actually homosexual 3. LH's husband have sex with many other women but not LH, but for reasons I describe above this least likely answer None of these really make much sense for why he not make sex with his law shrew wife. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094692) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:05 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter I would add depression and feeling of emotional detachment from her. I think the latter is more typical of biological females, but may be a possibility? Also literal low t and stress. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094707) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:12 PM Author: blathering state Sentence 1: lolno. My wife and I have been in bitter arguments at bad times in my life and she's like fuck it, sex. And my pants are off and I'm good to go in 2. Men don't work like that. Sentence 2: possible, especially if low T. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094741) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:22 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter By depression I meant actual chemical imbalance in his brain chemicals, not just being angry at his wife. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094775) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:25 PM Author: blathering state I've been depressed for long periods of time in my life due to specific circumstances. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094782) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:30 PM Author: Infuriating codepig but were not talking about you for the moment. im not arguing that you do not sex law shrew wife even if law shrew wife bad. i accept your answer on that topic as it relates to your personal approach. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094798) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:40 PM Author: blathering state I not understand why LH's husband not also sex law shrew wife even if law shrew wife bad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094829) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:47 PM Author: Infuriating codepig well but thats where were headed. youre just going to have to be a fish out of water to complete this journey. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094854) Date: April 15th, 2019 7:20 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes What sort of stuff does he buy himself? I’m just curious if his cheapness extends to himself or just you. I think it’s absolutely insane you guys bought a $1.5m property even if the previous property did appreciate a lot. It shows a lot about his need to keep up with the joneses and put up this image of a successful professional. As for his bday, I wouldn’t do anything other than cook a nice dinner (without making a mess of course lol). I would also decorate a cake with your daughter and encourage her take part in singing happy birthday to her dad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093976) Date: April 15th, 2019 7:32 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter No cheese or cauliflower pls. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094037) Date: April 16th, 2019 4:46 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Noted! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38095665) Date: April 16th, 2019 4:40 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He is generally very cheap with himself. He agonizes over every purchase. He is very into his stereo equipment and went through a lengthy process to find what he wanted used. I am not sure he is capable of buying anything that's not on sale. So at least he isn't applying a double standard! He just thinks I should do everything exactly the same way he does. I basically make him steak for every occasion because this is the only meal he ever wants. I guess I can do this again even though it's boring. He would probably be annoyed if I made a cake (too much effort, my time could be used more productively), but that all sounds good. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38095660) Date: April 17th, 2019 12:20 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes At least he is not a hypocrite. I can relate to the inability to buy anything that isn’t on sale. I’ve refused to buy things because I missed a sale. That said, spending that much on a house and making renovations when it is objectively out of reach financially for him to afford alone without accessing your separate property shows that he is unbelievably entitled. Do not let him get to it in a moments of weakness. Sounds like for his birthday it’ll be steak and ready made cake mix so you don’t have to spend too much time making it! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38099695) Date: April 17th, 2019 5:01 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean, I also wouldn't normally buy things not on sale. I'm very frugal.(yesterday I wore a dress I tried on in the shop and then bought used on eBay!) He takes it to extremes, though. We both drink vitamin tablets(like airborne) every morning and he seriously hassled me the other day because I was drinking a name brand (bought on sale) rather than the disgusting generic ones he purchased. He 'playfully' said we had to do a blind taste test and then when I immediately guessed right, he told me that the flavor doesn't matter and I should have the generic kind anyway. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38100038) Date: April 17th, 2019 9:26 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes generic v name brand savings don’t matter a bit in the actual financial picture, as you well know. The problem though is that he doesn’t want to appear cheap to the outside world. I’m sure $1.5 doesn’t buy much but it’s the location that makes all the difference. That signals prestige to others. He’s unwilling to let go of that. So he will penny pinch as much as he can in his daily life and your daily life but it won’t solve the fundamental problem that you’re living beyond your means, which will be a constant source of stress and tension in your marriage. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38100403) Date: April 17th, 2019 12:18 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse True. Too bad there is no easy solution since we are now in this pickle and he continues to push to spend MOAR to make the house better (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38101166) Date: April 17th, 2019 1:02 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Though not an easy solution, the only way you get more leverage is to make closer to what he makes, like $150k. I know that is no easy feat but it’d make him less of a provider. Then you have more veto power over major financial decisions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38101387) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:13 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter your US money for the kitchen extention PSYCH (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093578) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:16 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think he believes he is due that anyway (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093597) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:22 PM Author: Infuriating codepig a genetic female who doesnt make his penis sad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093637) Date: April 15th, 2019 6:46 PM Author: Vigorous vengeful roast beef like Co. Custer use to say: the only good Indian is a dead Indian (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38093795) Date: April 15th, 2019 7:48 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter If you're going for a Hail Mary, you could write him a nice card/letter, listing what you (used to) love about him. I realize with a baby breakfast is bed is unrealistic, so maybe just juice/coffee/tea and "I love you." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094137) Date: April 16th, 2019 10:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This sounds nice. I will do this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38096192) Date: April 15th, 2019 10:19 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman Make him something with your daughter, include the words 'we love you' somewhere too Give him a bj (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38094760) Date: April 16th, 2019 10:28 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38096195) Date: April 17th, 2019 8:57 AM Author: crawly curious lettuce (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38100325) Date: April 17th, 2019 8:50 AM Author: Sickened Kitchen Coffee Pot (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38100307) Date: April 17th, 2019 11:06 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter 30 more to go! We got this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38100808) Date: April 17th, 2019 7:56 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38103319) Date: April 17th, 2019 12:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse The bottom line is that I believe he essentially is a self-obsessed narcissist who will never care about my feelings, or my daughter's feelings, except to the extent convenient for him. I can respond rationally and perhaps manage/placate him, but I don't see how it could be a happy marriage long term. I kind of don't even respect him due to seeing how badly he treats people. The Hail Mary approach might be the right way to go as a last ditch (but likely short term) solution. It's all just so sad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38101209) Date: April 17th, 2019 1:17 PM Author: histrionic hairy legs as someone who has mixed feelings about their own spouse but who loves their kids and is disinclined to abandon the family unit i feel like there is a big sunk cost fallacy associated with divorce, i.e. so much time has been invested in the relationship, and it becomes harder to imagine replicating all that as we inexorably approach our 40s. i do know that making it work long-term can't be a unilateral proposition: to build on the sporting analogy, a hail mary might put you back in the game but to win you're going to need to put a long string of 3 yard plays together. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38101462) Date: April 17th, 2019 5:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks. I barely understand sports but I think I get the gist :) Yes, I feel like a sweet and loving relationship that feels deeply rooted in some sort of long term shared experiences may now be out of reach. It's most depressing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38102712) Date: April 17th, 2019 5:53 PM Author: plum spectacular forum You shouldn't make American football analogies from Australia. You throw a hail mary to tie or win the game on the last play of the game when there are like four seconds or less left on the clock. You don't throw one in the middle of the game. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38102843) Date: April 17th, 2019 6:11 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I feel that I am learning a lot about sports here. It appears I instinctively knew wtf this meant! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38102898) Date: April 17th, 2019 7:55 PM Author: blathering state Wtf, you're from Wisconsin! Even I knew this one. :) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38103316) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:04 AM Author: disturbing balding garrison (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38104698) Date: April 18th, 2019 9:47 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy I think you can throw one before halftime as well (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38105466) Date: April 18th, 2019 10:17 AM Author: histrionic hairy legs Guy at my high school threw them in the first quarter it’s nbd (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38105666) Date: April 18th, 2019 10:31 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter I have an idea. Maybe you guys need to introduce a villain or a stressful event that will unite you against that outside negative force, so that you may reconnect and remember that you're in it together, to make each other's lives easier. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38105784) Date: April 18th, 2019 10:34 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy You’re a softy. But the problem perhaps as much or more than anything is that she’s already decided she hates the guy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38105806) Date: April 18th, 2019 10:44 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter I agree, and that's why I think there needs to be some kind of a shift in perspective to snap them both out of it. I may be giving everyone involved too much benefit of a doubt, but I think he is miserable because he has a hard time coming to terms with his failures, and taking it out on her because she's giving all her love and attention to the daughter instead of showing her support. She is miserable because he is too focused on himself (extreme stress tends to make us closed off and self-absorbed) and not giving her and the daughter enough attention. I do believe that people are mean to others when they are hurt--happy people don't hurt other people--and the best way to address those issues is to address the underlying hurt, but I can also see how it's too soft/bs for xo. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38105865) Date: April 18th, 2019 10:56 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy No this all makes sense and your kindness and understanding is endearing. But her heart is now hard as to him, perhaps his as to her, and it sounds like they may be well past the point of no return in part because she has no willingness to change the way she feels. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106005) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:13 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes, his behavior absolutely has been exacerbated by his own unhappiness. Problem is that it's been so bad for so long. And is it a good idea to be with someone who is desperate to blame YOU whenever they are unhappy? Because that is what he does. He seems to believe that if he has had feelings he is justified in taking it out on me. He doesn't appear to even feel bad when it happens because he feels justified. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106191) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:16 AM Author: blathering state But aren't you doing exactly the same thing? Ultimately, everything in this 2000 post thread is you blaming him for your unhappiness. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106209) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:25 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He blamed me for external events unrelated to me. I am blaming him for his direct treatment of me. It has also dawned on me recently that he is also wholly unsupportive. When I was pregnant he would walk ahead as I waddled behind. He was annoyed that I was tired. He thought it was dumb that I was afraid of childbirth. He complains about my job constantly. He expects me to cook meals and then complains. He occasionally says I am a good mother but usually just complains about me not being around enough or whatever. I didn't realize this, but apparently most people encourage their partners or at least don't tell them that what they are doing is wrong all the time? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106273) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:30 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter How often do you encourage him and tell him what he's doing right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106320) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Probably not enough. I used to frequently show affection in small, thoughtful ways but he didn't seem to notice, care, or reciprocate, so I guess I stopped (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106344) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:42 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Every human cares and everyone wants affirmations, whether we express it properly or not. You're getting some here, you're definitely getting it at work where people tell you that you're an amazing writer, and you're getting it from your daughter. He, otoh, is not getting it at work and he's not getting it from you either, and feels even more of a huge failure as a result. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106417) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:48 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's too bad his response is to treat me like shit and like a slave who has failed constantly. I feel the main message here on xo is not validation but is that I'm not trying hard enough. I don't think there is anything i could tell you that would make you all believe that maybe my feelings are justifiable and that maybe I really have tried. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106457) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:55 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter I get exactly how you feel because I am struggling with similar issues myself. And what you said about blaming yourself for the shortcoming because that way, you think maybe you can fix things really resonated with me. But I think it's also not always clearly one or the other. And when you have a child together, whatever dignity or pride or ego that's suffering in this situation is definitely secondary to the potential for making a happy home for her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106503) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:10 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Just saw this. Sorry you're having similar troubles :( It's not so much an issue if dignity or pride. I feel crushed under his disapproval. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106807) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:26 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Yeah, I know how it feels and how it's impossible not to let it infect the rest of your life :( And I imagine it's magnitudes harder with a toddler. If I crack the code, I'll let you know. For now, I am trying to take earl's approach and change my own perspective. Tbd how well it works. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106866) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Please do update us. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106874) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:17 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter This may come off as a surprise, but a lot of people do this, whether they realize this or not. So a huge part to maintaining peace is acknowledging this and changing your reaction to it, not taking it personally. He obviously needs to work on this too, we all do, but I don't think this is so exceptional. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106216) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:25 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106275) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:34 AM Author: blathering state Notable is that when she talks about her ex-husband he apparently also was a meanie, even though at the time this never came up. My point is that she justifies her actions both before and after, rather than viewing realities objectively. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106353) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:41 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I wasn't interested in talking about my marital problems here at that time. He was actually quite mean. I have already acknowledged that I was more of a selfish dick then. But he definitely was mean and controlling. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106411) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:18 PM Author: blathering state Uh, everyone is "controlling" in marriage. You're not an independent person anymore. If you want someone uncontrolling then you shouldn't be married. As for mean, I've seen what you think is mean here. I don't think any guy wouldn't be considered mean by you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125192) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:48 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Eh I don't think there's such thing as viewing anything having to do with personal lives objectively. It's all naturally subjective, depending on our perception. Assuming neither partner is afflicted with a mental illness or disorder, when there's conflict, instead of focusing on our own demands/expectations/needs, it's helpful to empathize with our partner. See where they're coming from, even if the thought process is different from our own and even if their actions are hurting us. Validate their feelings before demanding that they validate ours. I think men are naturally worse at this, and this is traditionally a woman's role to soothe and placate, but it doesn't really matter who does this as long as one person in a relationship does. When you have two people neither of whom is willing to take on this role, the relationship is fukt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106458) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:22 PM Author: blathering state That's fair, but I'm sure we can think of examples where some people are reasonable at looking their situations and some that just are terrible at it. I have some family members that have, what others in the family have termed "a reality distortion field" when it comes to prior events. They can totally omit any bad acts they have done and 100% blame any issues on other people. I'm not saying LH is quite that bad, but I get the impression that she's well on the way. "Assuming neither partner is afflicted with a mental illness or disorder" LOL, I suspect both are nuts in this case. "I think men are naturally worse at this, and this is traditionally a woman's role to soothe and placate, but it doesn't really matter who does this as long as one person in a relationship does. When you have two people neither of whom is willing to take on this role, the relationship is fukt." I generally agree. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125239) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:02 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman agree, seems like there is nothing the dude could do to salvage the situation and she seems laser focused on finding anything that could debatably be considered a bad act and using that as confirmation for her view that she's being "abused". this marriage is fuckkkkked. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106062) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:10 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I take this point. Unfortunately, there is so much more bad than good from him that I'm not sure it would be salvageable with all the good grace in the world. I think he is just not very nice. And even now on his best behavior he isn't actually nice, he's just not a total dick all the time. The ladies on the other board point out that even if I assume that I'm a horrible bitch and I may deserve some of the poor treatment, our daughter certainly doesn't. I think Nutella is right that this is possibly the last straw (bad treatment of my child). I am not sure I can love a father who would irritably tell my two year old he doesn't want to cuddle her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106165) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:15 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy two year olds can be annoying, especially when you're exasperated. he didn't exactly pull an adrian peterson on her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106201) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:18 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman honestly not wanting to cuddle in a particular moment doesnt seem like a huge deal to me. certainly not as damaging as say being raised by divorced parents would be (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106225) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:19 AM Author: blathering state tcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106230) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:21 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Are you a parent? (Not meant to be aggressive, serious question) He said it in an irritated voice, emphasis on "you". It was first thing in the morning and she said, "Daddy, I want to cuddle you". He was angry she had disrupted his sleep. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106242) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:37 AM Author: blathering state So he was tired and sleepy, she woke him up, and he was like "no, I want to sleep"? 100% chance this will happen with me pretty much anytime I'm sleeping and still want to sleep and anyone wants to cuddle (or do anything else). The fact that you view this as somehow abnormal (or even abusive) is the sort of thing that makes me question your other complaints. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106378) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:40 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, he was completely awake. He just withheld affection because he was angry with her for having disrupted his sleep in the night. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106397) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:41 AM Author: blathering state Ok, so he was tired, cranky and annoyed. So what? Jfc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106408) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:00 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes JFC. You and Mandy don’t have kids and you’ve openly acknowledged that you don’t want kids and would only do it for her. Clearly you don’t have any normal view of parent-child relationships. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107075) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:39 PM Author: blathering state Right, but I've seen a lot of people have kids. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107348) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:41 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman not going to go into my personal details, but i think plenty of people dont want to cuddle first thing in the morning and its not a big deal for a kid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106413) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:43 AM Author: blathering state You know what is a big deal? Divorce. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106425) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:50 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse How would you feel being married to someone who constantly thinks that they know better than you what's good for you and forces you into that? And who thinks that if your feelings are objectively wrong that the feelings are fake or stupid and can be ignored? And who criticises basically everything you do? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106466) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:56 AM Author: blathering state About like someone who constantly nags over stupid trivial BS and makes mountains out of a bunch of molehills, throwing out terms like "abuse" without any real substance to back it up. Or living a lifestyle that they ultimately agreed to but now is unhappy with because there are certain things that come with that. Long story short, you both sound annoying. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106506) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:59 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse 1. I don't nag constantly. He does though. 2. I am not the one who called it abuse. 3. I don't even know what you mean about lifestyle. We live the lifestyle he insists on. He doesn't give a shit what I think (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106517) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:04 PM Author: blathering state 1. This thread proves otherwise. 2. What? You absolutely did earlier ITT. 3. When you married him, moved to Europe, had a kid and took a less paying job while he continued to strive, what exactly did YOU expect? Or do you claim that none of this involved you making decisions? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106551) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:26 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I didn't make up the idea that he is abusive. Other people observed what I described and informed me that it's abuse. I have explained repeatedly that he doesn't give a shit what I want. I wanted to not move. When he said we had to move, I wanted a cheaper house. He bullies me into doing what he wants all the time. My feelings are irrelevant to him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106640) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:08 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Did you miss the part where he insisted on buying a $1.5m house in a central location and now wants to spend $80k on kitchen renovations? None of this is at her insistence. He also pushed for the kid. The striving is all for himself, not for her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107132) Date: April 18th, 2019 9:02 PM Author: blathering state People generally strive for their own goals. I'm not really striving for my kids either. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109209) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:15 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I mean, I think his job disappointment or the shitty au pair could have been this - but in both cases he turned on me and blamed me or took it out on me in some way. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106200) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:20 AM Author: blathering state Those are mundane events. I think the suggestion was something far more drastic. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106236) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:26 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He reacted to both of these things pretty drastically. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106283) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:26 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106286) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:27 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter This too. I was thinking more along the lines of a catastrophic event. Something that would make you realize that bickering over whether the au pair was scheduled to come at 7am or 7:15am is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I think certain drugs may help with this too, but it's definitely not for everyone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106292) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:32 AM Author: blathering state Yep. One of the most damning thing ITT is the extent to which they act like minor events are significant. "OMG, he didn't want to cuddle our daughter once!" "OMG, he complained about my cooking!" "He let our daughter tear up a magazine!" This is seriously what she is using to justify a divorce and raising her daughter in a broken home. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106338) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:35 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I was clear that the examples you mention are just minor irritants. I am upset about big picture things and these small irritants just add color. Every parent I have told about this cuddling thing is horrified. This is a very fucked up way to treat a 2 year old. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106358) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:40 AM Author: blathering state Wtf, I don't know anyone that doesn't do that when woken up by a kid. I've done it with my niece, dogs, wife, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106399) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:42 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He was awake anyway. He was fully awake and she went in for a cuddle. He said to her "I don't want to cuddle YOU" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106421) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:51 AM Author: blathering state I'm pretty sure I've said exactly that when my wife woke me up before I wanted to get up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106470) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:54 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He woke naturally. He was just angry with her Children this age are developing their self esteem and it's very bad for them to suggest they are not lovable. They need to be shown that they are worthwhile and important. the father is one of two extremely important people in a baby's life. We are her world. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106485) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:59 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman its a huge stretch from 'tired dude doesnt want to cuddle first thing in the morning' to 'father tells daughter she isnt lovable' (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106516) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:00 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He didn't say "I don't want to cuddle right now." He said "I don't want to cuddle YOU" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106526) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:03 PM Author: blathering state jfc. Bros on XO, can you imagine being married to someone that nitpicks like this? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106540) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:03 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman dude, this is not a big deal or a huge difference. youre blowing it up cuz you hate this dude. your daughter will not be harmed in the slightest by this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106542) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:06 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Seriously, just like the escalator incident was not a big deal, or the magazine tearing incident. All parents fuck up in little ways all the time. It's ok. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106553) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:08 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106564) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Then why did he YELL AT ME PUBLICLY AND NOT BACK DOWN? I sent him a vaguely annoyed text about the magazine and never said a word again (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106620) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:31 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter It's how he reacted in a stressful (to him) situation. It happens, a lot of people do it. Doesn't make it ok, but also doesn't make it the end of the world. This is probably how he's been reacting to similar situations all along, no? Do you see how, instead of taking it personally and stewing and fighting about it, you could just let it go because it's not a personal insult but rather his way of dealing with stress? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106661) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:33 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It is his way of dealing with stress and it's not ok. He also doesn't laugh it off and apologise later If I drop some pasta on the floor he will yell at me. Everything sets him off. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106669) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:43 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Maybe he doesn't apologize because you frame the situation as an attack on him. You're a litigator, right? So you have been in situations where, in settlement or other negotiations, you sometimes need to give the other side a way to save face to get what you want. If you corner anyone, they will fight, even if they know they're wrong, just to save their ego and dignity. Men in general are more sensitive about this than women, I think, and it's important to be mindful of this when approaching any kind of conflict. Again, show him that you see his side of it before demanding that he sees yours. In that particular situation, to him, it appeared as if you weren't being attentive enough. He had no way of knowing that you were doing your best. So you could have said, hey I see why you got upset because from the outside, it looked like I fucked up, and I was actually down on myself because I let it happen, and so hearing you get down on me too made it even worse and made me feel like shit. Being a good mother is very important to me, and I do try my hardest, and it doesn't always work out the way I want it to, and this is why I need your help. Relationships are not about who's right and who's wrong. They're about maintaining peace. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106704) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:46 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't attack him. I defend myself. So in that situation I was bewildered that he yelled at me and I said that she was fine and I had been trying my best. He yelled at me that it wasn't good enough etc. I don't go on the attack. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106716) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:47 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse And when I brought it up later that's how I framed it. I did say I thought he was out of line but then I explained why: I was trying my best, no harm was done, etc. He doubled down and insisted that I had fucked up and he was right to yell. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106721) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:50 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter So each of you is trying to prove to each other why your actions are justified, and whether you frame is as an attack or defending yourself doesn't matter. You shouldn't frame it as a fight. What I am trying to say is, instead of justifying your actions, just ask for a different reaction from him. Instead of trying to make him see your side, see his and find some common ground. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106738) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:58 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok, but what you seem to miss is that he is almost always the aggressor. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106761) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:05 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter No, I don't miss that at all. What you seem to miss is that to maintain peace in any relationship, you need to let go of keeping score of who is right and who is wrong, i.e., who's the aggressor and who's the defender. [edit] Look, I am not trying to argue anyone's side or convince you of anything here. Just trying to help you see things from a different perspective in case it helps reassess the situation. But, as others have already pointed out many times, you don't seem interested in hearing anything other than validation of your feelings. Which is fine too, but may be better suited to your therapist sessions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106792) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:12 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I do note the different viewpoints. This is why I am questioning everything about myself and worrying about my contribution to the problems. People who have heard about the situation as it's developed have actually been disappointed by my seeming to back down from certainty that he has been wrong. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106814) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:15 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes No normal loving parent would ever in a million years say that to their child. You and TMF are both childless aspies. Her husband is also an aspie so no surprise there that he would act that way. It’s also not an isolated incident because he has made no efforts to bond with his child since she was a baby. Children learn very quickly if they’re cared for and can trust someone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107188) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse To be fair to him, he sometimes does pay attention to her and gush over her cuteness. But he doesn't really try to connect with her or play with her as far as I have seen. I was extremely shocked last weekend when he took her to a baby concert that I bought tickets for over the weekend to enable me to meet my deadline (I was going to take her and he usually would be very pleased for us to be out of his way) Obviously he was annoyed about this and threw it in my face later, but this is the only time I know of him taking her to something like this. He truly is on best behavior right now. Stuff like this makes me wonder if he is capable of change. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107283) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:55 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes He may be capable of change but more likely he’s just in a phase where he isn’t as stressed out at the moment about his job. It irritates me the double standard the many male posters (esp the childless ones) have toward being a father v being a mother. If a mother said “I don’t want to cuddle YOU” and did what he does, she would be the worst mother in the world and the child would be emotionally damaged beyond measure. In reality, children need both parents to be nurturing and loving. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107458) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:02 PM Author: blathering state Which is it? Did she disturb his sleep or not? "Children this age are developing their self esteem and it's very bad for them to suggest they are not lovable. They need to be shown that they are worthwhile and important. the father is one of two extremely important people in a baby's life. We are her world." Yeah, this is what I mean about you turning molehills into mountains. This is a crock of shit. Yes, it is true in a very general way but as applied to not wanting to cuddle once in the morning it is total nonsense. And while you LOVE to nitpick details (which, as a litigation shrew makes total sense), you miss the overall big picture which is that she probably forgot about it later that same day but that divorce 100% will fuck her up. Mind you, I will reiterate - you will not be able to make a clean break. He will fight for joint custody and if you think you'll be able to get rid of him and that he'll happily send a check every month that you're out of your mind. That will also mean you'll have a real problem trying to move back to the US and taking your daughter with you. All of that will become a family court issue. And meanwhile, you'll still be trading yoru daughter back and forth. But you don't think about this. What you think about is "I read this phrase in a book and dissecting the phrase into elements I believe I can apply the fact pattern to demonstrate that each element is satisfied and therefore, I can prove that he does that thing and is a BAD FATHER..." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106538) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:23 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse She disturbed his sleep in the night He held a grudge about it and wanted her to know she had pissed him off (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106627) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:27 PM Author: blathering state I know you think this is crazy, but again, this lacks perspective. He wasn't violent or flew off the broom handle. He was a little peeved and didn't cuddle her. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106875) Date: April 18th, 2019 1:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I really do think this is a thing only parents will get. You can't hold grudges against two year olds. They do annoying stuff literally all the time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106895) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:14 PM Author: blathering state I'm an uncle. Definitely have done it. Pretty much all the parents I've seen have done shit like this. Mine definitely did. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107178) Date: April 18th, 2019 2:18 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Lol at saying no lasting damage from such behavior from parents. You’ve always made it clear you can’t stand your parents. Maybe it’s from them being dicks. Also hilarious you talk about being an uncle as if that means anything. Like a shrew talking about her dog and being an aunt as being anything close to having and raising a child. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107210) Date: April 18th, 2019 4:08 PM Author: blathering state Oh they're assholes in much more tangible ways and even that would be forgiven if I could be in the same place as my mother and not get into a blowout fight. Protip: you really can tell how people will be with their own kids by seeing them with other family member children and dogs. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107845) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:32 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am fully aware he will fuck me over any way he can. He believes the house is his and he takes no pride in providing for his family. He resents me for not being a better mom and/or contributing more financially. He will also do anything he can to avoid paying child support, such as fighting for 50/50 custody (and then he will definitely make his mom or an au pair do the childcare). I would anticipate that I would get nothing from him I have been thinking about this for a long time and I truly believe my life would be happier living in a shitty apartment with no money than being subjected to daily putdowns and criticism. What you seem to miss is how much a pattern of behaviour can ruin one's life. I give examples here of stuff that happens every day to try to convey it. You all point to each example and say I am making a big deal of nothing. But it's the same shit every day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106666) Date: April 18th, 2019 4:44 PM Author: jade digit ratio native TMF is aspie. The issue is not that your husband is not being a dick - he clearly is - the issue is that you approach this from a helpless damsel perspective as if all this shit is just happening to you and you have no control or say over anything. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107982) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:20 PM Author: blathering state I never said he wasn't being a dick. I'm saying she overreacts and doesn't consider any of her actions or, as you note, decisions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108982) Date: April 18th, 2019 10:30 PM Author: disturbing balding garrison Why should he have to fight for 50/50 custody and why would you consider that "fucking you out of child support"? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109584) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:39 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Otoh, raising her daughter in a home with resentful or abusive parents may be worse, because this is the pattern of treating other people she will learn by growing up in that environment. In that case, a divorce would be preferable. Theirs may be a good case for trial separation, to see if they ever remember all the good things about the relationship and want to make it work, or if they're better off without each other in their lives. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106389) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:42 AM Author: blathering state Yeah, maybe. I'm generally against this but this situation has only bad options. Realistically, step 1 is going to be selling that massively expensive house and everyone moving back into rental apartments. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106420) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:44 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman i pretty much disagree with this, if the parents are resentful toward each other (im not using 'abusive' because i dont see any actual 'abuse' being described) but are still loving toward the child, the child will be better off if they stay as one familial unit. if the resentment turns toward the child, its a different story, but i dont see that here. children understand that parents will fight with each other and shit, but the idea of parents divorcing each other is a much more difficult thing to deal with (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106434) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:51 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter To clarify, I wasn't referring to this particular situation as abusive. And my thought of trial separation would be like that catastrophic even that might make them both rethink their positions. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106475) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:53 AM Author: blathering state Actually, I was thinking just putting the house up for sale might do that. The house seems to be both a major source of stress but also a major achievement for them. Taking a step back and putting it on the market so they could go back to renting (possibly seperately) might trigger some real reflection. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106480) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:04 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter I don't like to admit this, but I think I agree with you. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106547) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:07 PM Author: blathering state Also, it will shatter the idea that I suspect LH has that she will continue life as it is today, just without him. He is already at work a lot, now he'll just always be gone. She'll have the nice big house on her own, maybe an au pair without him bothering them. It'll be SWELL! No. She'll have a shitty rental apartment and have to still deal with him as he gets time with their daughter. She'll have less money and to the extent she gets money from him it'll be a constant battle. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106561) Date: April 18th, 2019 12:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Are you insane? He is very mean and vindictive. I of course would be living in a small apartment. He would do anything he could to destroy me if I left. I probably would have done so by now otherwise. I am fucking terrified of what he will do to me. I don't like conflict and I am not vindictive. He has boundless energy to punish people who he thinks has wronged him. I would rather move on with my lifw. I will be fucked if I leave him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106614) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:20 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter You took the au pair's side, though, making him feel like you don't support him. I don't know enough details about how you guys handled his job situation. It sounds like you were verbally reassuring, but that's about it, and it clearly wasn't enough for him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106238) Date: April 18th, 2019 11:29 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I took his side. I said he was obviously really upset and I would handle it. Then when her performance didn't improve he blamed me. He was very cruel. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38106309) Date: April 18th, 2019 4:21 PM Author: jade digit ratio native How much effort to you spend trying to communicate this to him versus communicate it to the board? Why don't you let him know all of this - without getting angry - and see his response? And when he says "you are being crazy" ask him if he honestly feels that it doesnt matter if someone is critical to their spouse constantly. I don't know why you fucking human apes have such a hard time communicating with other people. This goes for almost everyone. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107902) Date: April 18th, 2019 4:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have tried to communicate this many times over the years. Often with anger, but also not with anger. If I approach him calmly he says all the right things but then acts like a dick again the next chance he has. As I have probably said, currently he is on best behavior. But he still is being kind of a dick intermittently. Like last weekend when I made him his steak dinner he first made it clear he wanted my USD, then criticized my job some more. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107971) Date: April 18th, 2019 4:47 PM Author: jade digit ratio native tell him that he is not getting your USD and to stop asking about it. You USD is to help your parents if necessary when they are enfeebled. Let go of him criticizing your job. Your job makes you work too hard and doesn't pay you enough. Those are valid criticisms. When he is being a dick, call him out right there and then - in a calm manner. Just say you are going to call him out so he can see how he is doing it all the time. Maybe it will get him to think before he acts out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108003) Date: April 18th, 2019 4:53 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Honestly, her holding onto her USD + insistence of retaining underpaying, non-lifestyle job is probably the root cause of 85% of his anger and frustration. All the other shit is just a trigger to bring this to the surface. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108038) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:14 PM Author: jade digit ratio native And he is being a shithead for insisting on separate finances, but still wanting her to access her separate property to pay for shit. She already put $100K of her own money into the downpayment. Sure that is less than he put it, but he put in the appreciation from his old home that he bought with his parents help on the down payment so fuck him - and only his name is on the title. I blame LH for not communicating effectively and for wallowing in being a poor damsel in distress, but she is absolutely right about the husband being a fuckhead about money and finances. Sure her job does not pay quite as much as it could, but LOL at a fucking MAN complaining that his wife does not make enough when he keeps wanted to dump money into the house HE BOUGHT in HIS NAME like a drunk fucking rap star. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108118) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:20 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood Don't disagree with any of this. In fact, it is the exact conclusion that I would expect a well-adjusted married couple to reach. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108134) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse When I told him that my USD was for this, he angrily said that my parents should be giving ME loans. Then he said that this shows I am choosing my parents over his parents because we will have to borrow money from his parents to do this project. (Did I already explain all this here about how he then said I would have to pay him a loan with interest or something if I refused to bring the money over? Probably?) No, he seriously needs to shut the fuck up about my job. He can't go a week without badgering me about it and trying to make me change it. And it's not objective, it's in a nasty and insulting way. I have told him that this angers and hurts me and to stop. On this occasion he decided the work I do is too junior so he was nagging me to get a promotion (which won't pay more and will require a lot more commitment to the job) I can try the thing about calling him out for being a dick. I previously tried to institute a nasty tone jar but somehow it was too hard to enforce (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108115) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:16 PM Author: jade digit ratio native bitching about your job once a week is no big deal. It's a big deal to you because you are sensitive about your job which you are doing for yourself and not your family. The sensitivity is your self awareness poking its head through. Accept it and move on. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108120) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:28 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It's not just a little complaint. He forced me to engage with him and answer questions about why I haven't sought a promotion recently (even though he knows why). He also insulted my job some more. When I tried to change the subject he would not drop it. When I told him I am tired of talking about my job all the time he insisted this is different. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108177) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:32 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood "It's not just a little complaint. He forced me to engage with him and answer questions about why I haven't sought a promotion recently (even though he knows why)." LOL, it sounds like he is one that is trying to have an adult conversation about this subject, while you respond with temper tantrums since you know on some level that the outcome of a rational, fact-based discussion would support his position. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108197) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He does this at least once a week. I don't want to be forced to have these discussions constantly. And every time he is demanding some different course of action. He talked to me like a scolding parent. This was immediately following the discussion where he was angry about my USD, as well. I had tried to change the subject to something lighter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108254) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:44 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I might add that this is the approach he takes about everything. He picks and badgers and nags until I give in. Except when he is able to do things on his own. Then he just does them. In the case of this fucking extension he INSISTS on it and he lines up lots of meetings etc, then he rolls his eyes and scolds and talks down to me about how he has to take responsibility for everything. I have repeatedly told him I am not sure about this, I don't think it's the right time, etc. He does not give a shit. He just does what he wants. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108283) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:18 PM Author: jade digit ratio native Tell him that he is a fucking 40 year old man and should not be borrowing money from his parents or his wife's parents and if he does not make enough money to pay for the shit he wants, he should moderate his expectations as to the shit he wants. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108125) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:29 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I feel he would get really nasty if I did this, but I can try I guess (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108186) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:54 PM Author: jade digit ratio native try to stand up for yourself without getting angry. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108320) Date: April 18th, 2019 6:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Fine. I can pretty much guarantee that if I say things like this to him he will see it as fighting words and he will go for the (not literal) jugular. I can try it the next time he starts on me and report back. In this instance, as set out above I did just treat him like a toddler and tell him his comments were absurd. He sort of accepted it but then immediately picked a fight about my job - he had to find some way to let the aggression out and take the wind out of my sails. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108355) Date: April 18th, 2019 6:22 PM Author: jade digit ratio native stop being a pussy pushover about it. Commit to 1) calling him out when he is out of line, and 2) not getting angry when you do so. This exercise will also help you realize when you are being unreasonable because you are not allowed to be emotional when you are challenging his behavior. If you can't explain it in a way that doesn't sound petty and retarded... This needs to be an ongoing conversation - when he is hurting you, let him know, but don't show him that you are hurt. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108404) Date: April 18th, 2019 6:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok What about the fact that (as you say elsewhere ITT) he neither loves nor respects me very much? Do you think this is something I just have a moral obligation to accept due to having a baby and marriage? It seems depressing to think this is it for me, someone who doesn't really think that much of me. When I said something about this before you said it was a pity party but it's a legit concern I have There is of course the separate issue of my daughter's well-being that Nutella has mentioned. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108529) Date: April 18th, 2019 6:58 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you had a moral obligation not to have a daughter with someone who you think doesn't love or respect you. Aside from that, you should probably give it a real chance. Not meaning sit around feeling sorry for yourself for another 6 months. Be engaging and actually communicate and try to address the problems like a thinking adult with agency. And see if things improve - if not you can bail later and say you did your best. You tolerating abuse in your mind and complaining about it is not "doing your best" When I was more critical of my wife about stupid shit, her own insecurities sometimes led her to feel that I don't think much of her. That could not be further from the truth - but I approach and react to things differently. It's something that needs to be communicated. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108560) Date: April 18th, 2019 7:05 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Honestly, I think it's gotten a lot worse since I got pregnant (people who believe in certain theories of abuse believe men like this wait until you're well and truly locked down before showing the extent of their shittiness, fwiw!) I have incentive to try for another 6 months at least, so I will try these strategies. Not going to lie, I feel very bad about myself and sorry for myself that my husband doesn't seem to love me etc. My hurt and anger over that makes everything harder. Don't worry everyone who's about to flame me for this, I'm aware that if he doesn't love me it's my own fault for being terrible etc so you don't need to tell me this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108586) Date: April 18th, 2019 7:10 PM Author: jade digit ratio native if you try to cut the pity party out of you mind it will probably help you interact with him as an adult. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108602) Date: April 18th, 2019 9:09 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood This can't be real. If you are not flame, you are easily the worst female to have ever posted here. That's quite an accomplishment. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109259) Date: April 19th, 2019 12:52 AM Author: Infuriating codepig can you believe this fucking psycho sincerely thought she was going to convince all of xo she was the abused one and not the abuser. like, the audacity to think she could trick an entire message board of dozens of people, many of whom are smarter than her. its utterly insane. but hilariously it kind of worked at first when these fucking faggot beta gen x law dorks who either slept with her in 2007 or wanted to sleep with her in 2007 (earl, tmf, et al.) were dominating the subthreads. these fucking virginal losers were giving her the exact same fedora-tipping "m'lady" treatment shes gotten irl her whole life so she actually thought nobody else could see through her. its fascinating because perhaps nobody ever has called her out to her face irl--obviously tons of people talk about how shes an insane cunt behind her back--so she thinks she's fooling people when the truth is nobody is fooled but women are not confrontational and men are willing to pretend like she doesnt sound like a completely insane cunt because maybe they want slimepit, m'lady. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38110047) Date: April 19th, 2019 11:32 AM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood That's why I am assuming this flame. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38111160) Date: April 19th, 2019 11:44 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Virtually everyone on here thinks he is a dick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38111197) Date: April 18th, 2019 4:45 PM Author: Contagious mauve casino mood She values being right and playing the role of the victim over maintaining a stable, if not happy, marriage and tranquil home. This entire thread is basically her saying over and over again "why won't he simply accept my worldview as correct without justification and stop bothering me"? If she were to discuss all of this shit with him, she may have to face the fact that she is being unreasonable in many respects, which she apparently is simply not willing to entertain. What she ends up doing with her husband basically is of no consequence. Any man who is willing to capitulate to her in day-to-day life will be a beta cuck unmotivated loser, which she will not be happy with, or someone who is strong-willed and motivated and will not put up with her shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38107991) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:06 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse You clearly have ignored everything I have said in this thread about the power dynamics in the relationship. He has gotten his way about virtually everything in our lives. The two things he doesn't totally control are my job and my personal pre-marital assets. I generally defer to him because I care about a lot less stuff than he does and I don't need to be contrarian, and he insists on getting his way about pretty much everything else. He does not give a shit about my feelings or what I want. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108089) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:16 PM Author: jade digit ratio native you are just as responsible for the power dynamics in your relationship as he is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108121) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:28 PM Author: wonderful new version You and others should really stfu and quit poasting ITT. Talk to lonelyhunter via email if you’re so interested in discussing her relationship. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108175) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:29 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter this is are group chat. you should just unsubscribe. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108183) Date: April 18th, 2019 6:13 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108366) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:25 PM Author: wonderful new version except it's distracting and I have to see it on the front page all the time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109005) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:28 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109026) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:31 PM Author: wonderful new version stfu bro. why are YOU invested in this shitthread? doesn't seem in character. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109043) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:47 PM Author: blathering state I'm invested for 3 reasons: 1. I've known LHtp since before we went to law school, when my wife and I were in Minnesota and she was in Wisconsin. I think we even read over each other's personal statements. I've also watched the collapse of marriage 1, the dating foibles prior to this thread, and now fast forward to this. So it is just fascinating from that perspective. 2. I'm generally a huge marriage troll and r-threader. 3. I'm aspie as fuck and as a result have trouble letting threads go and LOVE seeing the numbers of this thread increase. I'm PART of the SUCCESS of this thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109115) Date: April 19th, 2019 12:31 PM Author: plum spectacular forum (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38111319) Date: April 18th, 2019 5:30 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Hey man, thanks for another bump (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38108190) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:25 PM Author: wonderful new version hurr durr....good one. it was worth it to me to speak my mind on this matter. i'm done after this message. my two poasts are but raindrops in this ocean of shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109010) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:29 PM Author: blathering state We're now at over 2k posts. Whatever bullshit you post will never approach the success of this thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109033) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:29 PM Author: wonderful new version "success" is one way of putting it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109037) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:30 PM Author: wonderful new version But hey, I have an actual important question for you....is jellied eel and mash sandwich any good? Never tried it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109041) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:42 PM Author: blathering state Google the pic. Does that seem remotely edible to you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109096) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:43 PM Author: wonderful new version I saw the pic, I can't taste things with my eyes. I eat plenty of shit that looks disgusting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109099) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:53 PM Author: blathering state It looks like a Russian/Ukrainian dish called holodets which is absolutely disgusting, and the description is similar too. I wouldn't go anywhere near it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109153) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:45 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman vice did a video on a store that sells these in london. id give it a try (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109102) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:49 PM Author: wonderful new version same. no clue whether it's any good, but id have to find out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109124) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:25 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I didn't actually think this was a real thing (in sandwich form). It was a sort of joke with myself based on my most recent name theme (sandwiches). I haven't had an opportunity to try jellied eel. Will come here first if I ever do. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112761) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:45 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman your job, which is essentially your financial contribution to the marriage, is a huge issue. because you have a luxury lifestyle type job, it is important that you see eye to eye with your spouse on what your goals are in this respect. thus i think it is very childish to ban any talk of your job when its clearly a source of tension by the same token, this house extension sounds like a retarded idea, particularly given it sounds like youre stretched financially already and your husband needs to be able to hear and respect dissenting views on this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109104) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:50 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109132) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:53 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109156) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:56 PM Author: supple swollen dragon Rate me as a poster. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109165) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:57 PM Author: blathering state Who are you? Your moniker is awesome, fwiw. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109176) Date: April 18th, 2019 9:13 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Whok (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109287) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:59 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman 178 http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=4241906&mc=11&forum_id=2 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109195) Date: April 18th, 2019 10:28 PM Author: disturbing balding garrison Down to 177 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109575) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:24 AM Author: dashing sepia feces church LOL (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118269) Date: April 19th, 2019 11:48 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Do you think it is fair for one partner in a marriage to belittle and criticise the other's job on a weekly basis? Like if your wife made you have a lengthy conversation about your job that frequently, and put it down as not being sufficiently lucrative, how would you feel? He agreed with my taking the job in the first place. He suddenly did an about face for some unknown reason. I don't believe this is really about my job so much as his not having the success he hoped for. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38111214) Date: April 18th, 2019 8:59 PM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster I honestly can't believe I read the whole thread. But I stand by my assessment above: these two people do not respect each other enough to make a marriage last. LH, you are very much invested in viewing your self as the victim here. I agree he is an asshole, but that doesn't mean you're not responsible both for the power dynamic and for reacting in ways that are petty and smack of score keeping on your own end. The fact that you can recall, in detail, real or perceived slights from months ago is mind boggling to me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109191) Date: April 18th, 2019 9:00 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109198) Date: April 18th, 2019 9:02 PM Author: insanely creepy patrolman would have been cool if they figured this out before they had a kid (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109205) Date: April 18th, 2019 9:23 PM Author: Jet Stirring Hospital Toaster that spilled milk has sailed brother. I honestly don't know what's better for the kid, I doubt anyone here does. but obviously a shitty situation. I feel for them all, since it seems no one in the relationship is even remotely happy. I do wonder if his career we're on a better trajectory if they would be doing better as a couple. I guarantee his stress is coming from feeling like a failure at work and being unable to provide a lifestyle he thinks he "deserves." Doesn't excuse the behavior but sure explains a lot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38109340) Date: April 19th, 2019 4:12 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Thanks for your assessment. Regarding your criticisms, all I can say is that this is a snapshot after years of having him treat me like nothing. It's taken a very long time and a lot of criticism from him (and a lot of attempting to reason with him every which way) to make me feel so hopeless. The things I have described from months ago have been quite bad, in my opinion. So they stick in my mind. He's actually been in a good mood since he recently started a new job that pays more. I just think that he probably has shown his true character and his true disregard for me and our daughter at this stage. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38110261) Date: April 19th, 2019 3:59 PM Author: free-loading jewess your husband is black and you're a white woman? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112390) Date: April 19th, 2019 4:02 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't see the relevance, but no. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112411) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:11 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Of course its relevant. Why do you think I refer to my black fiancee as my black fiancee? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112695) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:12 PM Author: free-loading jewess (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112701) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:14 PM Author: plum spectacular forum (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112710) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:19 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I thought maybe it was virtue signaling? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112734) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:22 PM Author: plum spectacular forum Isn't that the beauty in it? There are so many interpretations. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112753) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:23 PM Author: free-loading jewess lol birdbrain (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112756) Date: April 19th, 2019 5:12 PM Author: free-loading jewess no you're not white or no your husband is not black or bi-racial? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38112704) Date: April 20th, 2019 5:47 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Update: tonight I made him a steak dinner. He suggested again that we should have another baby. He also said again that I should move to a 4 day week in my current job because (a) our daughter is "getting a shit deal" not seeing me more, unlike the other families we know and (b) "there's no economic necessity" for me to earn more. So the complaints about my low salary seem just to be an excuse? Despite his alleged desire for more children there's no sign he is interested in anything other than the theoretical possibility. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38116430) Date: April 20th, 2019 5:51 PM Author: blathering state Response: no fucking way, I'm not happy with the way things are, no more kids unless things totally change. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38116443) Date: April 20th, 2019 6:05 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I just sort of asked vague surprised questions about his desire for more kids. It's actually his birthday. He has fucked off to let me do the washing up (fine) and also so I can do prep for his family's Easter dinner tomorrow. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38116489) Date: April 21st, 2019 2:37 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy It’s his birthday and you like to cook. You should do all of that shit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118217) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:40 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I did. But it was late and this meant that we would not spend any time together, which he purportedly wants. If he wanted to do anything other than eat a big meal, then fine. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118299) Date: April 21st, 2019 4:25 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy you should've asked him if he could spare five minutes for a blowjob between dishes + prepping next meal (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118369) Date: April 21st, 2019 4:34 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118378) Date: April 21st, 2019 8:26 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120970) Date: April 21st, 2019 2:58 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman Lol at grumbling about the dishes on his fucking birthday (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118235) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:00 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118238) Date: April 22nd, 2019 12:06 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I said in my poast it'ss fine and I said nothing to him. But if he is claiming to want to spend time with me or produce additional children, it's annoyingly inconsistent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38123864) Date: April 23rd, 2019 12:52 AM Author: Infuriating codepig its really, extremely not you psychotic piece of garbage (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38128017) Date: April 20th, 2019 6:10 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Tell him calmly, no other kids, no kitchen renovations. Not sure about moving to 4 days a week but that sounds doable. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38116502) Date: April 20th, 2019 7:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Re 4 days, I would actually love to spend more time with my daughter, so I think maybe I should just do it. It probably won't hurt me too much at work and apparently it's no problem financially. I'm fairly frightened of saying no to the extension. He is DESPERATE to do it. I think part of the reason he is in such a good mood is that it appears to be in sight. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38116745) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:02 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy 4 days + extension = marriage saved ur gonna maek it after all (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118240) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:04 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman The extension is a disaster waiting to happen, just say no Four days is a no brainer (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118242) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:08 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy 2 days in-house 7 figs and they can do that extension no problemo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118248) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:17 AM Author: insanely creepy patrolman Cr nutella must need a London counsel, help a girl out (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118260) Date: April 21st, 2019 4:59 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120180) Date: April 20th, 2019 6:25 PM Author: mind-boggling principal's office Under no circumstances go off birth control (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38116534) Date: April 20th, 2019 7:06 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38116678) Date: April 20th, 2019 8:59 PM Author: wonderful new version I still can't believe you think a forum full of aspie lawyers is a good place to go for relationship advice. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38117085) Date: April 21st, 2019 2:38 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy You didn’t hit him with the “I think it’s time to part actually”? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118218) Date: April 21st, 2019 4:49 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No. I was a bit amazed by the suggestion because he seems to be working in a different reality. At the same time I kind of hate him, I really wish things could work. I'd love to have more children. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38118386) Date: April 21st, 2019 8:27 PM Author: blathering state Yeah, but things aren't working. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120973) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:13 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Easter. I got up at 7:30 with the baby and immediately started cooking. He got up at 10 (his turn to sleep in), ate a leisurely breakfast, then announced he had to do work and left me to continue cooking the three course meal while watching our daughter. I asked if work actually emailed on Easter Sunday and he said no. He just saved it because he didn't want to do it yesterday (his birthday) and felt no need to give me advance notice. Then I washed basically all the dishes while he chatted to his family. A family photo was taken. He moved and had me take a bunch with him and everyone else. He then quite grudgingly took one with me in it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38119853) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:49 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy none of that sounds all that bad unless he truly didn't want to take a photo with you in it, which would not make much sense given that he apparently wants you to have more of his kids. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38119963) Date: April 21st, 2019 3:55 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It doesn't sound that bad to just expect me to make the entire meal, do almost all the washing up, and look after our child without any help all day when his family comes for a dinner? He also intentionally placed our daughter between me and his mom so he would not have to look after her. Edit: and he INTENTIONALLY saved the work for today and didn't tell me. Clearly I thought he was going to at least watch our daughter for at least a time so I could cook etc unencumbered. When I handed her over and said he had to look after her for a while, he immediately put her in her room with the stair gate in front of the door and told her to nap. (She of course didn't) Edit 2: lest anyone chimes in to say this isn't abusive, I have not said it is. It's just dickish, and extremely typical. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38119983) Date: April 21st, 2019 4:58 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy his mom should've helped. it's his birthday weekend and he was busy. in fact i guess every easter weekend is his birthday weekend so maybe that explains some other events recounted in this thread, as well. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120176) Date: April 21st, 2019 5:51 PM Author: tripping anal pervert rehab The date of Easter changes every year. Can be March 22 to April 25. Last year it was April 1 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120316) Date: April 21st, 2019 7:03 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy good point. i haven't been an observant christian for more than a decade so haven't had much reason to keep track of when that holiday falls. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120604) Date: April 21st, 2019 6:41 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse You truly don't think there is anything dickish about inviting your family over and expecting your wife to make an entire huge holiday meal single handedly (and do virtually all of the cleanup) while watching a toddler, and not even communicating that you will not even provide some minimal childcare? I will say that he somehow managed to set the table (as requested) and he didn't complain that the meal took a long time to cook, which is a huge improvement from last year. But on this occasion, he wanted to impress his sister's new boyfriend whereas last year it was just his parents. Btw the meal I made was truly superb. Nothing turned out badly and it all looked amazing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120491) Date: April 21st, 2019 6:53 PM Author: wonderful new version You pretend like you’re an abused woman and buy into your psychiatrists bullshit about how you need to stop blaming yourself, when the reality is you’re a self-centered bpd bitch who just wants external confirmation she’s in the right (also, hence this thread). You aren’t actually interested in fixing things, you just want attention and affirmation. If you were truly a self-blaming victim of abuse, you would’ve mentioned more things in this thread that you had done wrong. Instead, you have unilaterally criticized your husband. This not only is not indicative of a self-blaming victim but is also disengenuous, as I’m sure he isn’t always solely responsible for your problems. Now why don’t you stop being a piece of shit and go spend easter with your family? Before you accuse me of hypocrisy, I’m taking a shit right now otherwise I wouldn’t be poasting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120554) Date: April 21st, 2019 6:58 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Easter is over. This doesn't actually respond to the question presented. I also haven't said that I always handle everything perfectly. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120580) Date: April 21st, 2019 7:03 PM Author: wonderful new version I didn’t read the question (or anything) you’ve written in several days you fucking idiot. What timezone are you? No, but you also have very infrequently (if not never) ITT admitted guilt or talked about what you did wrong in a situation. Yet you have lambasted him thoroughly. The omission of self-criticism combined with explicit and repeated criticism of husband paints the entire picture. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120602) Date: April 21st, 2019 7:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have put him and his family first all weekend. Why do you think I have done something wrong? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120631) Date: April 21st, 2019 7:18 PM Author: wonderful new version I don’t necessarily think you did anything wrong today (although your probably overcooked dinner). I’m giving you the impression I’ve gotten from this thread. In any case, try to enjoy the rest of your day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120691) Date: April 21st, 2019 7:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ok, thanks I am an excellent cook and very self critical. On this occasion, everything was GREAT despite some stressful near disasters. Happy Easter! I am only posting about the misery. The lovely things (like my daughter's reaction to her Easter basket) are irrelevant to this thread. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120710) Date: April 22nd, 2019 6:06 AM Author: disturbing balding garrison are you ugly? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38122919) Date: April 22nd, 2019 12:08 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Yes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38123873) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:11 PM Author: blathering state She isn't. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125145) Date: April 21st, 2019 6:43 PM Author: Mischievous frozen stain philosopher-king FUCK Lonely Hunter. That is all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120502) Date: April 21st, 2019 7:06 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (not her husband) (apparently) (although he'd have to do that if they had more kids probably) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120624) Date: April 21st, 2019 7:21 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120715) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:19 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125204) Date: April 21st, 2019 8:22 PM Author: ultramarine submissive parlour just skimmed this thread. pretty crazy that a woman that does SO MUCH has somehow found the time to engineer a 2000+ poast thread over several weeks that said your husband sounds like a dick. that said it's wild that i can't recall a single positive characteristic you shared of this man, hard to believe someone can be that evil... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120956) Date: April 22nd, 2019 4:40 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I am able to poast during my commute and I have been very depressed and unfocused, as noted elsewhere. He is attractive and charming, and can be quite funny. He's quite devoted to his parents. I obviously wouldn't have married him if he were a total monster. He also occasionally acts very nice and this messes with my head and makes me believe he is capable of being a better partner (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38122852) Date: April 27th, 2019 6:47 PM Author: Diverse Ruby University Idea He Suggested (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38152396) Date: April 21st, 2019 8:30 PM Author: Racy laser beams reading this thread, you just seem resentful of the traditional role a woman is expected to play in a household. you're constantly complaining about waking up to take care of your kid, doing childcare generally, "washing up" and the like. it would be one thing if you were at least playing a non traditional role in terms of earning, but you dont. youve chosen a cushy mommy track job, which is meant to help play the role as mommy, but you seem to hate actually being the mom of the house. i am not really convinced that your unhappiness is the fault of your husband (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38120984) Date: April 22nd, 2019 4:35 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My job isn't a cushy mommy job. It's a serious career that is staffed with equal numbers of men and women. It just happens to have a culture of allowing more flexible working etc. My husband considers it a mommy job and is angry that it isn't. Yes, I think it's bullshit that he wants to treat me as anything other than equal. This isn't what I signed up for. I didn't realize how unequal his parents' relationship was and how much this must have influenced his understanding of relationships and family. (However, I don't actually mind cooking and looking after our daughter. My complaints in this regard relate more to his snide expectation, total lack of appreciation, and belief that it's his due to make all major family decisions). That said, these are differences that maybe could have been ironed out if he were less selfish and mean. The things I'm really angry about are not about traditional expectations, but rather constant putdowns and criticism combined with some big picture bullying. And I might add that even though he seems to have very traditional expectations of what I should be doing, he's not interested in holding up his end of the bargain. He certainly isn't doting or protective the way you might expect a traditional man to be. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38122850) Date: April 22nd, 2019 5:56 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy You should just text his this poast and hit him with a “pls respond, bitch?” (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38122910) Date: April 22nd, 2019 8:12 AM Author: Charismatic home Perhaps he doesn't act like a traditional man because you don't act like a traditional woman? You're ultimately still trying to compete with his job in male terms (salary), while he seems to want you to find something with fewer hours so you can spend more time being a mother. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38123046) Date: April 22nd, 2019 8:39 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think this is a little backward. Everyone seems to assume he is a rational actor and I am unreasonable. I think he is frustrated because he wants me to earn a lot of money (when he isn't complaining that I should work less, he is saying I should get a higher paying job) but he also wants me to be available for the family at all times and to provide the same support as his sahm mother did. He seems to be buying into the idea that women can have it all and he is frustrated and angry that I'm not doing it right or something. There aren't really a lot of jobs that he would consider acceptable that also have fewer hours. I think he would look down on me if I did not have the right kind of prestigious role. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38123086) Date: April 22nd, 2019 10:04 AM Author: Charismatic home what i'm suggesting is that perhaps you're projecting a bit. maybe why he talks about you not making more money is because you're taking this sort of middle position where you won't quit your job and be a full-time mother but will also never match his success. you might be sincerely surprised at his reaction if you raise the question of quitting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38123287) Date: April 22nd, 2019 10:08 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I don't think you understand. He insists I work. I could bring it up to him, but it seems quite stupid to put myself totally in his hands financially, especially given how ungenerous he has proven to be. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38123302) Date: April 22nd, 2019 10:31 AM Author: blathering state Agreed that this is a horrible idea. One of the most bizarre XO positions is that you should quit your job, given that the number 1 recurring issue is lack of money and arguments over money. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38123399) Date: April 22nd, 2019 1:32 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I’m in the camp of you getting a higher paying job. I don’t think he wants you to be a SAHM. You work quite a bit for somebody with a low paying job, even if it does come with some degree of flexibility. You mentioned above of how you had to leave early for work to meet a deadline and doing work on weekends occasionally. That just seems like too much stress for too little money. I know you’re saying this is a serious career and job, but ultimately the money is lacking and I bet his complaints would soften if you made more money (even if means you work a little more). He is too greedy to not appreciate more money for he household. Also given the place you work, I bet you can find an in-house job in a lucrative industry. That is certainly the case for the American equivalent agency. Why not just look around for options? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38124413) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:24 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125252) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:29 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy I told her to look around 1800 or so posts back. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125304) Date: April 22nd, 2019 1:16 PM Author: jade digit ratio native I bet you have not done your homework and communicated a single one of these annoyances to him. Jesus fucking Christ woman talk to your husband. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38124298) Date: April 22nd, 2019 1:22 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have. He was surprisingly responsive on this occasion. I feel very confused because this is uncharacteristic of him. It's nice now but I don't really trust it longer term. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38124329) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:10 PM Author: blathering state So if he blows you off - you sulk and act confused and post about it here. If he is responsive - you don't trust it, act confused and post about it here. Either way, this guy can't win. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125137) Date: April 22nd, 2019 4:54 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse TBF I posted here because I am at the very end of my rope after many years of him acting like a dickhead (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125910) Date: April 22nd, 2019 3:26 PM Author: Charismatic home this is a theme throughout the thread, you have no idea what your husband actually thinks so you have no idea how he's going react (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125272) Date: April 22nd, 2019 4:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I think the thought process generally is: what can benefit me? How have I been wronged? How can I leverage this to my benefit? Example: he worked yesterday on Easter Sunday by choice while I worked my ass off to make a big 3 course meal for his family (while watching a toddler). He did another 1 hour plus call today. Today, I also had to catch up on stuff I neglected to watch our daughter (and also a couple hours extra if you're carefully tracking my hours, as I'm in a busy patch). He is seething with resentment, had to have an argument about the fact that I was working. He said that I am tired today because I work too much. I pointed out that I made this dinner and entertained guests all day yesterday and he backed off slightly, but it's still clear that he is most annoyed. His sort of baseline is that if he is inconvenienced or has to watch our daughter, he will be pissy toward me. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125886) Date: April 22nd, 2019 5:26 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy He worked yesterday to buy all that yummy food and to buy all dose kitchen gadgets etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38126065) Date: April 22nd, 2019 5:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I know, poor put-upon big strong breadwinner :( (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38126155) Date: April 23rd, 2019 1:19 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy he was literally slaving away over the weekend to buy you stuff. sounds like maybe ultimately you just can't take a nowig seriously (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38128094) Date: April 24th, 2019 11:59 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter is making dinner and entertaining guests a chore for you? because he may be thinking that this is something you genuinely enjoy, so if you don't, you should just tell him. [as an aside, based on other comments here about you being a good cook and enjoying cooking, it sounds like you just lost your zest for life and you just hate everything you do. maybe instead of focusing on how shitty he is, try to focus on getting your mojo back?] also, does he know he will have to have sex with you to make another baby? have you mentioned this to him at all? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38138378) Date: April 25th, 2019 12:21 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy she likes cooking to show off to herself. her husband and his family should pay lots of compliments (and money) for the privilege of eating it all. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38138458) Date: April 25th, 2019 9:09 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I do enjoy it, but it's a lot of work and can be exhausting. What I would appreciate is for him to take our daughter off my hands for at least part of the process (because it's more exhausting and difficult when you have to entertain a toddler at the same time), and then to show at least basic gratitude / treat me like I am an important part of the family. I did make it clear that he should watch her but he just stuck her in her room and locked the door, meaning I obviously had to take over watching her again. Getting my mojo back is quite difficult with him breathing down my neck constantly, ready to criticize or attack when I don't do things as he would like. I looked after our daughter almost all weekend, but needed to do a few hours' work on Monday (a holiday), as described above. He suggested I was a bad mother because I was working for a few hours on Monday rather than spend time with her. I think that he actually was just angry he had to watch her (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38139403) Date: April 22nd, 2019 4:56 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse So to be crystal clear: I think that he believes he deserves to have all his needs and desires met and if I obstruct this in some way, he will probably use any means of attack to make me do what he wants (usually contribute as much financially as possible but also save him from watching our daughter). His reactions are unpredictable because nothing is really sacred and he sees no need to be consistent in his attacks when his desires are not satisfied. He will be perfectly pleasant as long as he is not inconvenienced and I do what he wants. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38125928) Date: April 22nd, 2019 5:31 PM Author: Charismatic home i believe you that he's obsessed with money, but he also sounds really stressed from work. i'd be sincerely curious how he'd react if you brought this up and suggested quitting your job. he might even have been waiting for you to suggest this for years and doing a shitty job at communicating it because y'all are both horrible at communication. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38126087) Date: April 22nd, 2019 5:53 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I alluded to this earlier with him following reading all your messages. TBF I did it in a vaguely confrontational way (he was attacking my job / me working and I said "but you want me to work"), but he seemed to concede he wants me to work I can bring this up more calmly and see his response. But I do know him and am pretty sure he will say I clearly have to work. Alternatively, he will want me to stay home and do things EXACTLY as he would want and will accept nothing less than perfection. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38126170) Date: April 22nd, 2019 6:22 PM Author: blathering state Serious q - why do you think he wants her to quit her job? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38126318) Date: April 25th, 2019 9:11 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Update: he has instructed me to send the financial spreadsheet back to him updated with my current figures, including USD. As I may have mentioned before, he just saves his new figures over his old ones but I am expected to add new figures in a separate column so he can check that I have been saving enough. Edit. Update 2: my online counselor (who I do video chat with) says I 100% don't present as having bpd or any other disorder. She said I do appear to have abused wife syndrome (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38139410) Date: April 25th, 2019 11:17 AM Author: blathering state Response: "no, I will not. Here's why" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38140183) Date: April 25th, 2019 12:28 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes I thought battered wife syndrome or whatever was when the woman justifies staying with an abusive husband because “he is nice some of the time” or some other bs reason. If anything, you seem to loathe him and don’t find any positive to being with him. Thunder Collins is an example of a battered wife (read his wife pregnant mentally ill theead). Anyway, don’t fill out the spreadsheet with your USD amount and reiterate that he can’t access it for the kitchen reno. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38140669) Date: April 25th, 2019 5:07 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Maybe it doesn't come through here how broken I am or how much I question myself. The therapist has said that my affect has degraded a lot in the time I have been talking with her. He started bragging about his big new paycheck tonight, and also alluded to some building plans, and I took the opportunity to bring up funding for the extension. His immediate answer was: well, we can use your USD as emergency funds. Me: no, we can't. I already said this. Him: but we can replace it Me: no. We aren't touching it. Him: well, you can take out a credit card Me: no. I already said I didn't want to do this. This is how he operates. He just pretends like we have not discussed things and brings them up over and over and over until he wears me down. Same with my job. It's fucking constant. Then he denies remembering the previous conversations. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38142214) Date: April 25th, 2019 6:32 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Under no circumstances can he wear you down on this issue. Also beyond just saying no, reiterate the reasoning behind it. If you need to take out credit cards or use separate funds for emergency fund, that means you can’t afford it. Full stop. His “bragging” about his new paycheck is also meaningless if he himself still can not afford to fund this project. Despite his cheapness it seems he’s actually quite bad with money and doesn’t understand the meaning of not stretching yourself financially. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38142643) Date: April 25th, 2019 6:47 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse *Also beyond just saying no, reiterate the reasoning behind it.* Yeah, I emphasized the fact that it needs to actually be affordable, which I think is great advice because it appeals to his sensibilities. I also noted that he has made my life miserable over the expense of our house when I agreed to the house purchase on the condition that it would not affect our lifestyle. He minimized and said that had only been for a short time (untrue) and that we would have regretted getting a cheaper house and being stuck there. (I note that transaction costs here are insanely high, so there is some logic to this). I am far more conservative with money than he is in the sense that I'm not interested in taking on any more debt than I feel I can easily affors (very little). He is ok taking risks and making LOTS of sacrifices for big picture expenditures. This makes me crazy, but obviously he does not care. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38142704) Date: April 25th, 2019 7:14 PM Author: jade digit ratio native stop acting like a child. he does not instruct you to do anything. have a mature conversation about anything you are not okay with and if he pushes, call him out on it. stop framing things on this board like you have no control over anything. How much more is his paycheck. Tell him to chill the fuck out. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38142808) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:44 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse This is more a description of his attitude I guess. He behaves as if he is smarter than me and he talks down to me frequently, especially when he is trying to intimidate me into doing what he wants. If that doesn't work, he plays sneaky tricks to force me into whatever (like dropping my USD while secretly maintaining an intention to take it when the project is happening). I have been afraid to make too many waves due to my precarious immigration situation, but I am kind of getting to a stage where I dgaf. Maybe this means I will stand up to him more. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38144774) Date: April 26th, 2019 9:14 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter what if you demand that he add you to the house title if you're going to use your money? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38145267) Date: April 26th, 2019 9:53 AM Author: blathering state "If that doesn't work, he plays sneaky tricks to force me into whatever" What, are you 5? Response: "No, I will not do 'whatever'". Problem solved. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38145396) Date: April 27th, 2019 6:09 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse No, as an example I think he intended to wait until we had a debt and then demand the USD. I have to proactively monitor the situation to be sure this doesn't happen. It's a bit exhausting. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38150029) Date: April 27th, 2019 6:44 PM Author: Diverse Ruby University Idea He Suggested (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38152378) Date: April 30th, 2019 2:11 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Why does he have a private bank account? Why does he insist that I will repay our joint account when he disagrees with things like me paying for a medical appointment for our daughter using joint funds? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38165429) Date: April 26th, 2019 10:09 AM Author: odious orange hell Really need lonely hunter to rate herself as a farter because of this thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38145448) Date: April 26th, 2019 2:50 PM Author: Lilac Seedy Station Indirect Expression You need to do what he wants. I don’t know what your situation was when you met the guy, but as a woman with a husband in a demanding job you have basically two choices with very young kids. You can either (1) take a family friendly job which pays shit and accept all child care responsibilities or (2) contribute on a near equal basis financially and farm out child care which you manage. Your husband seems pretty clear about this point and he is being reasonable. He is being pissy because you just don’t get it. You could easily do either of the options and yet you seem focused on the incorrect idea that he is demanding you do both. You are no longer a mid-20s single (albeit divorced) attractive woman who can demand the moon. You are now a mid-30s divorcee with a 2 year old kid. You have responsibilities and you need to suck it up. Your life, and your daughter’s life, will be much, much worse if you get divorced again, especially when she is this young and you are in a foreign country. Handle everything with the kid and put off work if need be. Stop spending money at all. It does not matter if it is for the kid. Just stop spending. Be incredibly cheap. Oh, and fuck him at least twice a week. He will be less pissy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38147121) Date: April 27th, 2019 6:11 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I took this job with his full knowledge and agreement. Your view isn't consistent with reality. The other day he was urging me to get a promotion, which would mean working more for minimally more pay and a lot more stress. I think he just felt irritable and wanted to criticize me (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38150030) Date: April 27th, 2019 6:27 AM Author: Floppy ladyboy put a range of realistic options on the table and try to agree to one of them. i don't think i'm the only one who has recommended that. i see little reason not to try it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38150043) Date: April 27th, 2019 6:46 PM Author: Diverse Ruby University Idea He Suggested (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38152391) Date: May 1st, 2019 12:37 PM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes He agreed but obviously he likely didn’t expect you to have to work as much given that it’s supposed to be a lifestyle job. Part of what you need to recognize is that your current job does not offer enough pay for the amount you have to work you have to do Once you have a child, working becomes primarily an exercise in balancing how much income you’re bringing in versus how much childcare you have to outsource. Right now, the balance is not good and he recognizes it. You don’t really recognize it because you like your job and want to do well in it. That’s the source of a ton of friction. What you’ve ignored throughout this thread is taking a real look at your career versus time with your daughter and figuring out what you want out of both. If a promotion at your current job will yield more stress and work and little money, then that begs the question where you’re going in your current trajectory. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38170104) Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:52 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38176025) Date: May 2nd, 2019 4:07 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy ru tryin lure her back here? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38176637) Date: May 5th, 2019 8:03 PM Author: blathering state I want to hit 3000 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38191771) Date: May 8th, 2019 12:27 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I have not been able to face thinking about this. We now have a new au pair. My husband is really happy because he no longer has to get our daughter ready in the morning and take her to daycare. He is also moving full steam ahead on the kitchen extension. He understands that I won't be using my USD on the project though he is annoyed about it. He has been behaving generally more nicely, maybe because everything is going his way. Bizarrely (for him), he went with me and our daughter to a funfair during the weekend and seemed to enjoy it. I was completely fed up and basically wanted to leave when I started this thread. Now he has been behaving just nicely enough that I am questioning everything that came before this and wondering if I imagined all the exceptionally asshole-ish behavior. (That said, I don't love having the au pair and he told me last week that if we don't have one, I will do all pickups and dropoffs because he only wants to do childcare when he feels like it) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38205153) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:39 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy "Now he has been behaving just nicely enough that I am questioning everything that came before this and wondering if I imagined all the exceptionally asshole-ish behavior." obvious stockholm syndrome just going to prove how bad the abuse really was. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207028) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Is this sarcasm? I know the consensus here is that he is not even abusive. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207035) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:49 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy i've been consistent in saying that the guy sounds like kind of a dick, but yes that's sarcasm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207072) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:36 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I guess a separate issue I have not wanted to face is that I am very stupid and bad at the law. I have found it relatively easy to do well in my current job and I am terrified of switching to a new environment and having to prove myself, especially when I am emotionally burnt out. I think this is also an issue of values. I care less about money than he does and I don't necessarily mind if I don't achieve maximum efficiency in the way you describe. I don't even think I would mind that much if he made less money (though obviously I enjoy and wouldn't complain about having more). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207016) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:39 PM Author: wonderful new version Can't believe you're so fucking stupid that you're asking a bunch of aspie lawyers for relationship help. Pathetic. Read some of the shit people on here refer to, like clique theory, and tell me whether or not these seem like people who understand human beings. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207033) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:47 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Oh, it's absolutely retarded to post here for advice. TBF I did say I am dumb. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207063) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:50 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy let's see your scholarly deconstruction of clique theory fag (jk the clique theory shit is beyond retarded, at least in the formulation created by the jdunderground loserscum.) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207080) Date: May 8th, 2019 6:41 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy if you're doing well at a competitive government law job, then you're probably a pretty good lawyer. one of the flame aspects of this dumb profession is the stupid notion that transitioning to a very different kind of role should be a simple matter. often it isn't. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38207036) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:47 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes Being “bad” at law is not actually an issue, just a mental hang up you have in your head. Nothing is that difficult in law that you won’t be able to do it. Your lack of self confidence is more the issue. As for not caring about money as much, achieving maximum efficiency is more about spending time with your daughter than about him. Given that young children should spend more time with their parents, it’s hard to justify spending time away from them unless you make more money. Now how much money does it justify coming home at 5pm v 7pm? How much to justify working some evenings and occasionally weekends? In my mind, that has to be at least low-mid 6 figures. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38215481) Date: May 11th, 2019 8:51 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I would actually love to do this except I don't trust my husband not to abuse my free time. I would absolutely love to spend more time with my daughter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38221836) Date: June 21st, 2020 11:54 AM Author: indigo keepsake machete weed whacker Cr. She's being insane (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#40466230) Date: May 9th, 2019 6:50 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse My husband has an odd mark like a rugburn on his chest. I asked him about it and he said he had no clue. He said maybe our daughter scratched him (definitely not that) or perhaps a name tag rubbed against him (he has been out late practically every night at work events) He looked like he was sort of smiling.i feel immensely suspicious. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38212168) Date: May 9th, 2019 6:58 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy Uh oh good mood EXPLAINED. Is the new au pair hot? Has she been “out with friends for drinks” while he “works l8”? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38212189) Date: May 9th, 2019 7:40 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse I realize this is a joke, but it's definitely not the au pair if nothing else (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38212425) Date: May 9th, 2019 7:05 PM Author: blathering state Rugburn on chest? Wtf, is he a bottom or something? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38212217) Date: May 9th, 2019 7:39 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Idk it's maybe not like a rugburn exactly. It looks like if someone twisted skin or like a hickey, that sort of popped blood vessel look (though it's not shaped like a hickey). It conceivably could be caused by a finger or thumb bracing against him hard. This obviously could be insane paranoia, but I am super sensitive about this issue. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38212413) Date: May 9th, 2019 7:42 PM Author: Vigorous vengeful roast beef he's definitely a bottom (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38212441) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:10 AM Author: blathering state So his boyfriend bent him over a table and some hard object got pressed into his chest, right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38215271) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:50 AM Author: exhilarant stead useless brakes The whole lack of interest in sex thing would make a lot more sense if he were cheating on you, not that I wish that to be the case for your sake. He sounds way too uptight to be cheating though. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38215497) Date: May 10th, 2019 11:53 AM Author: blathering state You know, I'm not sure it does. Maybe if she were 300 lbs or something but even if this guy occasionally gets strange on the side, you would still expect him to want to have sex with his wife who is right there. I've known a number of cheatmos and they're actually not the ones with dead bedrooms. Now, if his "strange" is boihole/cock then that's another matter. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38215510) Date: May 10th, 2019 1:12 PM Author: Vigorous vengeful roast beef rugburns on the chest... he is definitely getting his boihole pwned by darnell/chad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38215855) Date: May 10th, 2019 1:13 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38215858) Date: May 10th, 2019 4:42 PM Author: blathering state (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38216876) Date: May 11th, 2019 8:49 PM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Tonight I said that I disagree with some aspects of his home extension plans and that there are some points I consider non-negotiable. (They are seemingly small points like having a hot water tap or kitchen cupboards I like). He said that if I disagree with him, I can file an injunction to stop from carrying out the work. He also hassled me some more about how I have no right to comment if I refuse to bring my USD over. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38221831) Date: May 11th, 2019 11:54 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy he's paying for it with his money right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38222453) Date: May 12th, 2019 2:23 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse He plans to use all my local money too. Edit: also, even if only his name is on the house, it's definitely a joint asset that I have put loads of money into as well. It's really not ok for him to just do whatever he wants to the house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38222898) Date: May 12th, 2019 2:15 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy ic. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38224068) Date: May 14th, 2019 8:24 PM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter How did you react to the injunction comment? Did you point out that in a relationship, two people should be making major decisions on things like home renovation together, or just got offended and stormed off? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38235529) Date: May 14th, 2019 9:05 PM Author: Floppy ladyboy (dd going in for the potential lowkey pwn again) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38235750) Date: May 15th, 2019 5:19 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse We had already gone over that ground by that time. It was a long discussion that I had started cordially (but in a no nonsense way)where I explained that we need a solid, reliable budget and that there are some things that I do insist on which will have to be factored in. (None of these things are surprises, he has just been ignoring them) He gradually became increasingly angry, leading to this idiotic threat/comment. I didn't storm off but I stood my ground and he was infuriated by this. He was quite drunk and has subsequently apologized (with prompting - at first he stood by the comment) and said of course it should be a joint decision. He said the problem is that I should not have said that certain things are non negotiable (nevermind that he says the project itself is). I kind of feel that I am being suffocated by the whole thing. The general thrust of every argument goes kind of like this: 1) he says what we are doing or strenuously objects to a decision I have made 2) I say that this won't work for him or explain why he is being unreasonable about objecting to my decision 3) lots of arguments where he insults me, suggests I love wasting money, and otherwise throws his toys out of the pram because he can't bear not having everything exactly his way. 4) eventually he may concede and apologize 5) but the next time it comes up, we have to go through the same argument again as he has forgotten that he agreed to whatever (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38236957) Date: June 11th, 2019 9:57 PM Author: canary den (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38375774) Date: July 2nd, 2019 7:36 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse A bump! Looking for an update? The situation is largely the same as before except my husband has said a few more horrible things, including that I am just a tenant so I don't have any ability to stop the work if I tried. He actually apologized for this the next day (he was drunk when he said it), but then he went on to explain that in his mind we are tenants in common and we would have to work out what percentage of the house belongs to me. He also went away to a conference for a couple of days and our daughter never once asked for him. Since he returned, she has usually kicked him or pushed him away if he has gone in for a hug or something. It appears she has quite conflicted feelings toward him because this is not consistent. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472148) Date: July 2nd, 2019 8:04 AM Author: wonderful new version (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472174) Date: July 2nd, 2019 9:16 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter I hope the very last point made you very sad, and you are actively encouraging her to be more affectionate towards him, instead of feeling like that'll show him. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472285) Date: July 2nd, 2019 9:25 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse It makes me a little sad, but I think it's probably better for her not to be too attached to him. He doesn't believe other people's feelings are valid and he is extremely critical, so if she is too invested in him he will eventually really hurt her. I have encouraged her to hug him goodnight and told her not to kick him etc, but he will definitely dismiss her, possibly angrily, if she bothers him when he is not interested. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472323) Date: July 2nd, 2019 9:18 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-fall-back-in-love-1482164387 You both need to work on this. Even this thread is incredibly toxic to your relationship because it just focuses on and reinforces all the shitty things you're doing and saying to each other. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472290) Date: July 2nd, 2019 9:33 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Ty, will read. Don't you think his attitude toward me is a bit messed up? He treats me like I am a bad person who likes to waste money. And he said I am a tenant. It doesn't matter to him that I don't want to do this work now. All he cares about is that I am (or was) selfishly obstructing his plans. When I tell him why, he doesn't believe me. He truly believes that I simply enjoy complaining. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472351) Date: July 2nd, 2019 9:38 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter He is definitely an asshole, there is no question about that. My point is that both of you just focus on the negatives all the time now, and unless you BOTH change that, there is no happy ending to this relationship. It won't just miraculously become something different one day. So you BOTH either have to commit to making it better or just pull the plug asap. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472369) Date: July 2nd, 2019 9:34 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Story blocked! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472357) Date: July 2nd, 2019 9:40 AM Author: razzmatazz bonkers school cafeteria trump supporter Good news: You can rekindle love. Researchers call it “love regulation.” A new study by psychologists at the University of Missouri—St. Louis and Erasmus University Rotterdam found that people can use thoughts to increase how much they love someone. People can also willfully decrease love, say after a breakup. In the study, published in August in the journal PLOS One, 40 participants—half of whom were in a romantic relationship and half of whom had recently broken up with a partner—each brought 30 pictures of their beloved into a lab. First, they were instructed to look at the pictures while thinking positive thoughts about their partner, the relationship and their future together. Then, they were instructed to look at the pictures again and think negative thoughts about their partner, the relationship and their future. Before they started and after each task, the participants were asked how attached to and infatuated with their partner they felt. Researchers also measured their brain waves, homing in on the Late Positive Potential Brainwave, which becomes stronger when people focus on something they find emotionally relevant. When the participants had positive thoughts while looking at the pictures, they were able to “up regulate” their love—they reported feeling more attached to their partner, the researchers found. And their LPP Brainwave was stronger. When the participants had negative thoughts they “down regulated” their love, reporting less attachment and infatuation. The people in a relationship also had weaker LPP Brainwaves. “People think they can’t control love so they might not even try,” says Sandra Langeslag, lead researcher on the study and assistant professor in the department of psychological sciences at the University of Missouri—St. Louis. “But this study shows you that you can.” Psychologists are mixed on whether love is an emotion. Like emotions, it is complex and produces physiological and psychological changes. But it isn’t fleeting and doesn’t have a clear trigger as do anger or joy. Love may be more like a mixture of other feelings, some say. People often feel like love is something that happens to them rather than something they can influence. It is true we can’t control love, as “control implies suppressing it and being king or queen of it,” says Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School and author of “Emotional Agility.” But we can, and do, shape and manage our emotions every day, and love is no different, Dr. David says. LOVE IN CONTROL To regulate love, we need to use cognitive and behavioral tactics early and often: Think positive thoughts. Focus on what you like about your partner and the relationship. Imagine happy future scenarios, such as dancing at your child’s wedding. And write these things down. Research shows that people who write about loving their partner improve their relationship. Make small tweaks. Hug goodbye in the morning; greet your partner warmly when you come home; listen when he or she talks. Engaging with your partner is an antidote to apathy and complacency, which kill love. Smile at your partner. Smiling produces neural messaging in your brain that makes you happier. Some studies have shown that when we smile our facial muscles contract, which slightly distorts the shape of the thin facial bones. This leads to an increase in blood flow into the frontal lobes of the brain and the release of the feel-good chemical dopamine. And when we smile at someone, that person tends to smile back. So we’ve created a feel-good loop. Have sex. Even if neither of you really feels like it, advises Nando Pelusi, a clinical psychologist in New York. It too releases feel-good chemicals in the brain, including oxytocin, the bonding hormone. You can actually be more attracted and attractive to your partner after sex. Broaden your perspective. You see your partner a certain way. But how do others see him or her? Psychologists employ an “empty chair” exercise to help clients imagine having a conversation with another person. Envision your partner’s best friend or mother sitting in a chair across from you. What would that person say your partner’s best qualities are? Why does he or she love your partner? “We get consumed by focusing on what someone didn’t do, by the qualities a person lacks,” says Dr. David. “This helps us flip the focus.” Let it go. We all have the proverbial sock on the floor—the seemingly small thing our partner does that comes to represent everything wrong in the relationship. Dr. David suggests reminding yourself it is just a sock. Try to pick it up without resentment. This applies to any pet peeve you have about your partner. Your spouse didn’t leave the sock on the floor because he doesn’t love you. He’s just messy. “If he ever weren’t alive, you’d do anything to have that sock back on the floor,” Dr. David says. Remember that. Try new things together. Research shows that when romantic partners try something new together they feel more attracted to each other. So explore a new part of town or take up a new hobby jointly. Bonus tip: The more exciting the new thing is—the more adrenaline producing—the more attracted you will be. Ask questions. When people first meet, they talk nonstop. And researchers have learned they can foster intimacy, and even love, between two strangers simply by having them answer a set of questions that gradually become more intimate. Start talking about your hopes and dreams again. Ask each other what you’d each eat for a last meal, where you want to go before you die, what time of life were you happiest. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472372) Date: July 2nd, 2019 11:39 AM Author: Marvelous regret meetinghouse Well, this is a very nice article. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38472842) Date: September 5th, 2019 2:50 AM Author: crawly curious lettuce ridiculous thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#38788621) Date: December 31st, 2019 11:33 AM Author: Low-t aqua really tough guy (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4231801&forum_id=2#39355165) Date: June 21st, 2020 11:46 AM Author: khaki deer antler step-uncle's house Decided I’m going to finally read this thread today. 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