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CharlesXII here, doing a readthrough+review of Ready Player One

For four years, I have been searching for a book sufficientl...
CharlesXII
  04/25/19
subscribed
Maori woman performing defiant haka
  04/25/19
...
Driving back in silence from retirement home
  04/25/19
aw hell yeah
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  04/25/19
...
a den of proles
  04/26/19
...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  04/26/19
...
Tratyush Abhimanyu Darshkarthik
  04/26/19
...
I blank bump 100% of kenny threads
  04/26/19
...
GOY
  04/26/19
...
Sporting Events
  04/26/19
...
owl dood
  04/27/19
...
The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest
  05/02/19
...
'''''''"'"
  05/05/19
...
,..,;,,..,.,.,.,;.,;.,,..,,..,,;,,....,,;.;..,.;,.
  05/09/19
The obvious next level in JJC threading: http://www.autoa...
N904PD
  04/25/19
...
faggy retard
  04/25/19
Ready Player One:JJC::Jason Mraz:TSINAH
Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?
  04/25/19
...
Taylor Swift is not a hobby she is a lifestyle
  04/26/19
I thought this book was fun but ridiculous and well worth a ...
Cock McStuffins
  04/25/19
Fully erect in anticipation of this thread.
rear naked choke
  04/25/19
>professional writers and critics said about the book: ...
animeboi
  04/25/19
Charles has a writing style similar to my own. Perhaps not i...
TRUMPdog Billionaire
  04/25/19
I really do think that if you're shooting for clarity the be...
anal sex
  04/26/19
I largely agree. But very few people seem to have the kna...
TRUMPdog Billionaire
  04/26/19
also no evidence you are actually "good"at any of ...
'''''''''''"'
  04/26/19
I think having experts in a particular field tell you that t...
TRUMPdog Billionaire
  04/26/19
My review: Premise was good and 80's nostalgia was entert...
""""''
  04/25/19
PROLOGUE
CharlesXII
  04/25/19
has "everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their c...
fri3nd
  04/25/19
I think they stop living there because of the cockroaches
parzival
  04/26/19
...
fri3nd
  04/26/19
...
Sporting Events
  04/26/19
subscribed
anal sex
  04/25/19
...
King Stannis
  04/25/19
can't wait
Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?
  04/25/19
...
gravelgang
  04/25/19
CHAPTER 1 Part 1
CharlesXII
  04/25/19
Technically you are right about tricks/johns but Ive heard d...
EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!
  04/26/19
Did they cut out all the r/EuphoricAtheist crap?
animeboi
  04/26/19
I watched it on an airplane so memory isn't great.. but I th...
EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!
  04/26/19
subscribed
Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success
  04/26/19
...
ESL TM..,..;;.
  04/26/19
...
Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes
  04/26/19
Subbed. Would probably be inappropriate to squee, but...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  04/26/19
CHAPTER 1 Part 2
CharlesXII
  04/26/19
...
Whitechapel Fatberg
  04/26/19
lol, is the narrator really a FAT? that's some serious manif...
anal sex
  04/26/19
Yes, even though "he has a bunch of old car batteries t...
animeboi
  04/26/19
this is why science fiction books shouldn't be published wit...
anal sex
  04/26/19
That's what made Michae Crichton such a great author: He was...
Taylor Swift is not a hobby she is a lifestyle
  04/26/19
Exactly. Crichton and Peter Watts wrote some of the only gre...
anal sex
  04/26/19
...
The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest
  05/02/19
...
faggy retard
  05/03/19
[Why would that be a rite of passage? Learning to code an At...
animeboi
  04/26/19
...
Don Kihote
  04/26/19
just to expand on this, the atari 2600 is definitely the har...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  04/29/19
...
CharlesXII
  04/29/19
i saw that shitty movie, but didnt realize just how truly vi...
prince
  04/26/19
Jfc if the prose Charles quotes from the book is any indicat...
black, queer, poz-writer/artist/nigga
  04/26/19
The book is terribly written, but a fun ride.
Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?
  04/26/19
People like you make bad things happen.
CharlesXII
  04/26/19
The movie sucked.
Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?
  04/26/19
...
faggy retard
  04/26/19
glad you're finally coming around.
fri3nd
  04/26/19
...
black, queer, poz-writer/artist/nigga
  04/26/19
...
GOY
  04/26/19
...
prince
  04/26/19
enjoy life mang
exeunt
  04/26/19
(Well-known arbiter of culture visiting from the year 1682)
Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?
  04/26/19
that’s y we love him
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  04/29/19
...
zarathustra
  04/29/19
...
The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest
  05/02/19
...
SomeOtherGhost
  04/26/19
Chapter 2 Part 1
CharlesXII
  04/26/19
"my eyes would scan the lunchroom like a T-1000" ...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  04/26/19
...
anal sex
  04/26/19
This is fucking awful
faggy retard
  04/26/19
a lot to unpack here.
prince
  04/26/19
This is amazing, I can’t wait for more How many cha...
Sporting Events
  04/26/19
Not sure but i know chapter 32 is a exegesis on how the synd...
animeboi
  04/26/19
Flame?
Sporting Events
  04/26/19
something tells me ur not flaming
King Stannis
  04/26/19
39 chapters. We're about 10% through.
CharlesXII
  04/26/19
CHAPTER 2 Part 2
CharlesXII
  04/26/19
lol @ that photo. grotesque human beings.
prince
  04/26/19
Savage takedown of bald Chucks, but holy shit @ that dude's ...
anal sex
  04/26/19
So your review is ad hominems against chubby balding nerds?
Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?
  04/26/19
(Cline)
Fammi vedere quello che Chad t'ha fatto
  04/26/19
she is reubensandwichesque
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  04/29/19
CHAPTER 3 Part 1
CharlesXII
  04/26/19
That nerdfight gave me an aneurysm
anal sex
  04/26/19
Holy shit
Sporting Events
  04/26/19
[double poast]
Sporting Events
  04/26/19
[Yeah, people love to watch other people have retarded nerdf...
chill im a nice person! i just hate everybody
  04/27/19
...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  04/27/19
...
anal sex
  04/29/19
...
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  04/29/19
literally could not finish reading this poast.
animeboi
  04/27/19
At what point in the future are people going to start callin...
Hungry, forkless and losing patience.
  04/30/19
Didn't Mike Nelson from MST3K do a whole podcast about this ...
Guy Debord
  04/26/19
That’s probs how he’s developing his material
SomeOtherGhost
  04/26/19
Very sad to see Charles devolve like this.
Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?
  04/27/19
kys tyia
Sporting Events
  04/27/19
No idea. I don’t listen to many podcasts and I don&rsq...
CharlesXII
  04/27/19
For some reason I liked this book but I wonder if it’s...
.....................:......:::.......;...........
  04/27/19
great thread chaz not flame, actual 180
vice writer
  04/27/19
...
Sporting Events
  04/27/19
Moar pls
Fammi vedere quello che Chad t'ha fatto
  04/28/19
*bangs dog food bowl on table* MOAR MOAR MOAR
Sporting Events
  04/28/19
...
anal sex
  04/28/19
Been volunteering this whole weekend. I can get back at it t...
CharlesXII
  04/28/19
Unfuck your priorities
Wilbur Mercer, the supreme gentleman
  04/28/19
...
Sporting Events
  04/28/19
Chapter 3 Part 2
CharlesXII
  04/29/19
...
King Stannis
  04/29/19
LMAO this book sounds horrible
gravelgang
  04/29/19
...
les paul
  05/10/19
Started legit lol'ing at 'The crowd burst into applause' ...
anal sex
  04/29/19
good god
vice writer
  04/29/19
lol hooly shit this is bad
Sporting Events
  04/29/19
This is worse than I remembered
Cock McStuffins
  04/29/19
Again literally could not get through the nerdfight.
animeboi
  04/29/19
this guy is a monster
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  04/29/19
lmao he sure pwned that poseur
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  04/29/19
it sounds like in this book, you become a hero by reading &q...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  04/29/19
Chapter 4
CharlesXII
  04/29/19
ty for ur service I'm mostly loling here at the attempts ...
anal sex
  04/29/19
Chapter 5
CharlesXII
  04/29/19
Does he mention if they can fuck each other in the oasis or ...
EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!
  04/29/19
I've read this trash, and can tell you that this does come u...
100%Diverse LiberalPoliceState
  04/29/19
With the standard equipment it seems like at best you’...
CharlesXII
  04/29/19
"Halliday becomes a recluse, staying glued to a compute...
animeboi
  04/29/19
There’s a Hillbilly Elegy angle - JD Halliday is from ...
N904PD
  04/29/19
https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/decentraland/ "...
King Stannis
  04/29/19
2397846298374, i demand charles forego dating until we have ...
acoustic thugicide
  04/29/19
...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  04/30/19
holy fuck this is amazing
Fammi vedere quello che Chad t'ha fatto
  04/30/19
Chapter 6 Part 1
CharlesXII
  04/30/19
To repeat my previous comment: technical people who actuall...
animeboi
  04/30/19
Okay, let's break this down. Wade, by his own admission, has...
CharlesXII
  04/30/19
u forgot learning assembly 2 program his Atari game (rite of...
animeboi
  04/30/19
Fuck, you’re right.
CharlesXII
  04/30/19
Just learn to write coherent functioning code in 6507 machin...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  04/30/19
More research was put into writing this post than into writi...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  04/30/19
...
Sporting Events
  04/30/19
if you give up xoxo, you'll be surprised at what you can acc...
sealclubber
  05/01/19
Another thought: While this book is clearly supposed to be a...
CharlesXII
  05/01/19
Wade's memories are probably based on the author's who was b...
animeboi
  05/01/19
...
Whitechapel Fatberg
  05/01/19
Gee, I wonder what's more pathetic, a shittily written book ...
.,.,.,.,.,.,...,..,..,...,...,..,..,.,..
  05/01/19
The shittily written book is more pathetic, hth
gravelgang
  05/01/19
titicr. The criticism is more entertaining than the book.
animeboi
  05/01/19
...
Sporting Events
  05/01/19
you're literally JJC, so not sure you're the "final arb...
Sporting Events
  05/01/19
how does he have twelve hours a day if he goes to school ful...
anal sex
  04/30/19
Because Cline is a hack who fucking forgot about that detail...
CharlesXII
  04/30/19
incredible
anal sex
  04/30/19
...
gravelgang
  05/01/19
"I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls ...
Sporting Events
  05/01/19
this is Redditese
weather
  05/01/19
...
Don Kihote
  05/03/19
Chapter 6 Part 2
CharlesXII
  05/01/19
A. Magic Archway: When the party examines this arch give th...
animeboi
  05/01/19
Why wasn’t it a vagina? That’s the real tomb of ...
acoustic thugicide
  05/02/19
Chapter 7
CharlesXII
  05/01/19
...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/02/19
...
gravelgang
  05/02/19
...
''"'""''"''
  05/02/19
this terrible book is detonating my brain cells like atomic ...
anal sex
  05/02/19
...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/02/19
...
Sporting Events
  05/02/19
An idle thought: Building full-body "haptic rigs" ...
CharlesXII
  05/02/19
Doing God's work here.
Naked in his Chinkle Chankle
  05/02/19
180 thread
The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest
  05/02/19
this is what i look forward to everyday.
Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success
  05/02/19
Chapter 8
CharlesXII
  05/02/19
this book is obviously pulp shit. don't see the point of tes...
weather
  05/02/19
Because it's funny?
CharlesXII
  05/02/19
also an enormous exercise, keep going
weather
  05/02/19
bro i "get" that literature is sacred to you and y...
acoustic thugicide
  05/02/19
i definitely don't pull my weight with respect to ~CONTENT~ ...
weather
  05/02/19
That's where you're wrong, sadly. As the opening post shows,...
CharlesXII
  05/02/19
not much is worse than 50 shades so that's not the best comp...
weather
  05/02/19
Let the man entertain us pls
Lewis Powell
  05/03/19
jesus christ man nobody wants charles to read franzen and co...
anal sex
  05/03/19
(Cline)
Sporting Events
  05/03/19
Chapter 8 Part 2
CharlesXII
  05/02/19
*extremely autistic voice* the trash-80 is most properly ...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/02/19
(James Halliday)
CharlesXII
  05/02/19
I actually the played Dungeons of Daggorath cart on an old C...
Don Kihote
  05/03/19
science fiction is notorious for terrible writing. Even Dune...
solace and wallace
  05/02/19
to be fair dune was a thinly veiled WARS FOR OIL screed and ...
anal sex
  05/03/19
Yes but there is a difference btw. flat or cliched writing a...
animeboi
  05/03/19
...
Sporting Events
  05/03/19
Chapter 9
CharlesXII
  05/03/19
Enjoying this. Forgot how horrible book was
Lewis Powell
  05/03/19
Wait wouldn't Art3mis be a lowly level 1 noob after losing t...
gravelgang
  05/03/19
cq
King Stannis
  05/03/19
You actually just fight the monster, and she has been beatin...
CharlesXII
  05/03/19
wow thats dumb, should be certain death to make it more diff...
gravelgang
  05/03/19
...
Sporting Events
  05/03/19
lmao holy shit
Sporting Events
  05/03/19
If the narrator can more or less only experience reality thr...
Hungry, forkless and losing patience.
  05/15/19
Names can't be re-used and "Percival" was taken.
CharlesXII
  05/15/19
man I thought XO was being edgy cool bashing it but this is ...
Don Kihote
  05/03/19
I don't see how it can be enjoyable even on an escapist fant...
animeboi
  05/03/19
cr I figured the book was a fun adventure romp with probably...
Sporting Events
  05/03/19
Chapter 10
CharlesXII
  05/03/19
LJL at the author of Ready Player One not even getting his r...
Driving back in silence from retirement home
  05/03/19
actually per imdb Also Sprach was in it: https://www.imdb...
animeboi
  05/03/19
FMA
CharlesXII
  05/03/19
lol @ the entire score being one piece from kubrick and the ...
anal sex
  05/03/19
Chapter 11
CharlesXII
  05/03/19
Chapter 12
CharlesXII
  05/04/19
God's work Charles lol at this horseshit
Sporting Events
  05/04/19
...
biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm
  05/04/19
...
.,.,.,.,,.,.,,.,.
  05/07/19
this is unbelievably bad. It's like Cline is an alien who's ...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/04/19
And Cline wrote this *in his 40's*. Its not just that he w...
animeboi
  05/04/19
...
CharlesXII
  05/04/19
Yeah that’s one of the worst things about this. It mig...
Sporting Events
  05/04/19
...
gravelgang
  05/04/19
...
Don Kihote
  05/06/19
...
CharlesXII
  05/04/19
This book doesn't appeal to me at all, but I like Charles' t...
Such anathema to us!
  05/04/19
this is 180 c12
Sotomayor McCheese
  05/05/19
...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/05/19
...
King Stannis
  05/05/19
...
Driving back in silence from retirement home
  05/06/19
moar please
modeling stock prices as coin flips
  05/05/19
Chapter 12 Part 2
CharlesXII
  05/06/19
holy shit Wade is MPA
gravelgang
  05/06/19
...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/06/19
...
anal sex
  05/06/19
lmao
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  05/07/19
...
Wilbur Mercer, the supreme gentleman
  05/10/19
...
The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest
  05/14/19
lol at this excruciating goonspeak working on any human fema...
Sporting Events
  05/06/19
https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673...
Such anathema to us!
  05/11/19
Chapter 13
CharlesXII
  05/06/19
"“Parzival-approved” haptic rigs, gloves, a...
animeboi
  05/06/19
...
CharlesXII
  05/06/19
to be fair people living in trailers crammed next to each ot...
anal sex
  05/06/19
"until my brain began to feel like Aquafresh toothpaste...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/06/19
...
anal sex
  05/06/19
Yeah what the fuck is this, what’s he trying to convey...
Sporting Events
  05/06/19
Shit yeah I got that Cap’n Crunch phreaking whistle re...
parzival
  05/09/19
Chapter 14
CharlesXII
  05/06/19
PWN PWN PWN
gravelgang
  05/07/19
This is incredible. we need a final solution to the YA novel...
anal sex
  05/07/19
I don't think RP1 is considered YA. It's 'adult'.
animeboi
  05/07/19
I’m disappointed he didn’t yell out “PYSCH...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/07/19
It's actually spelled "sike", as us real 80s kids ...
animeboi
  05/07/19
I can just imagine the movie theater jumping up and cheering...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/07/19
holy shit what a BIG WILLY reversal there
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/07/19
Nice try Charles, but there’s no way this is real
Sporting Events
  05/07/19
TWIST: IOI fired up the engines to the plane to pick him up ...
Royall Jenkins
  05/07/19
even the synopsis is too cringe-inducing for me to finish. t...
Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success
  05/07/19
...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/07/19
this is incredible thank you for doing this
.....................:......:::.......;...........
  05/07/19
Chapter 14 Part 2
CharlesXII
  05/07/19
seems like it would have been easier and a little more "...
Sporting Events
  05/07/19
Or have him quietly killed, which police will blame on the l...
CharlesXII
  05/07/19
no, no, waterboarding this fat unathletic neckbeard would su...
Sotomayor McCheese
  05/07/19
...
Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success
  05/07/19
...
gravelgang
  05/07/19
rule #1 in the dog eat dog profit worshiping corporate world...
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  05/07/19
Chapter 15
CharlesXII
  05/08/19
Lmao at filthy casuals who don't memorize the layouts of fam...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/08/19
...
Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success
  05/08/19
...
CharlesXII
  05/08/19
Chapter 16
CharlesXII
  05/08/19
Apparently, the Sixers have planted evidence to make it look...
anal sex
  05/08/19
This sounds almost like a normal novel for a chapter. I foun...
Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success
  05/09/19
There definitely wasn’t as much to make fun of this ch...
CharlesXII
  05/09/19
this makes it sound like some bizarro version of Canticle fo...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/09/19
Your posts ITT are now the highlight of my day. JFC
Royall Jenkins
  05/09/19
Thank
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
...
parzival
  05/10/19
...
Royall Jenkins
  05/10/19
Shower thought: In a time of severe energy crisis and widesp...
CharlesXII
  05/09/19
if you want to give him far more credit than he deserves, it...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/09/19
Personally I like Snow Crash's solution to the cyberpunk hou...
animeboi
  05/09/19
Chapter 17
CharlesXII
  05/09/19
No way I'm reading that.
animeboi
  05/10/19
You made the right decision
wait till biggus dickus hears of this
  05/10/19
This is not TCR
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
...
Sporting Events
  05/10/19
This is a verbatim transcript of an AOL chat between clines ...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/10/19
the 300 lb comment had to be appropriated from IRL
anal sex
  05/10/19
"Parzival: This is the OASIS. We exist as nothing but r...
biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm
  05/10/19
She likes baldmos, your should go for her charles
gravelgang
  05/10/19
Chapter 17 Part 2
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
Cline has a real commitment to consuming large quantities of...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/10/19
Yeah I've had the same thought. All of his "research&qu...
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
TBF, if we want to give Cline credit, we could assume that t...
Royall Jenkins
  05/10/19
It's all perfectly coherent plot-wise; as you say, I can see...
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
"The problem is that this is played as something cool o...
Royall Jenkins
  05/10/19
cr
Sporting Events
  05/10/19
Chapter 18
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
"The gray-bearded wizard was hunched over an elaborate ...
animeboi
  05/10/19
What? No. DJ culture wasn't as big hear as it was in Euro...
Royall Jenkins
  05/10/19
There were also deth metal and shoegaze aficionados in the U...
animeboi
  05/10/19
No. Turntablism was big in the 80s.
Sotomayor McCheese
  05/11/19
(zoomer)
animeboi
  05/12/19
so it sounds like the real importance of this book is that i...
deus vult
  05/10/19
...
NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed
  05/10/19
Seems like a lot of time wasted punching down. In the time i...
LathamTouchedMe
  05/10/19
I'd love to hear you elaborate on how you consider this to b...
NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed
  05/10/19
fuck off
Sporting Events
  05/10/19
https://f4.bcbits.com/img/a2681126142_10.jpg
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
I was complimenting you. You're very well-read. I saw your p...
LathamTouchedMe
  05/10/19
Oh what a moderate take
gravelgang
  05/10/19
...
Wilbur Mercer, the supreme gentleman
  05/10/19
like, punching down would be making fun of this one high sch...
NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed
  05/10/19
Would you rather assign the children something they won't bo...
LathamTouchedMe
  05/10/19
CR. we should assign them twilight erotic fanfic so that the...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/10/19
this absolutely needs 2 be next
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/11/19
I genuinely don't understand why a child would read this. I...
Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes
  05/10/19
If by "this" you mean Charles' thread, it should b...
Royall Jenkins
  05/10/19
...
Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes
  05/10/19
...
Sporting Events
  05/11/19
...
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  05/11/19
...
Such anathema to us!
  05/12/19
lol at choosing this hill to die on
Sporting Events
  05/10/19
I think they should assign Let's Play videos and nothing els...
NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed
  05/10/19
gb2reddit
animeboi
  05/10/19
Charles should Pick on someone his own size, like a four-yea...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/10/19
I didn't pick on that little kid. The whole point of that ex...
LathamTouchedMe
  05/10/19
jfc, you're a joyless faggot.
Sotomayor McCheese
  05/11/19
Great thread but Penguin already has a teaching guide, click...
NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed
  05/10/19
"On page 25, Wade Watts explains how he creates a mecha...
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
Q: Describe the extent and impact of global climate change i...
Sporting Events
  05/10/19
A: "I'm not exactly sure, but given the author's demons...
Royall Jenkins
  05/10/19
"support your answer with data" uh
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  05/11/19
Hilarious moniker
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/10/19
lmao incredible
anal sex
  05/10/19
This novel is a masterwork of dystopian satire and Charles c...
Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes
  05/10/19
Describe
CharlesXII
  05/10/19
Chapter 18 Part 2
CharlesXII
  05/11/19
Look at this guy who thinks "cosine waves" is a cu...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/11/19
(guy who never rode on tangent waves)
animeboi
  05/11/19
...
vice writer
  05/12/19
Chapter 19
CharlesXII
  05/12/19
seems like the real Heroes are his Corporate Sponsors
King Stannis
  05/12/19
oh my god
Whitechapel Fatberg
  05/12/19
This thread has made me respect the movie a lot more
biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm
  05/12/19
...
Royall Jenkins
  05/12/19
Yeah Adapting something like Naked Lunch must have been ...
The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest
  05/13/19
It's true. Newton, Einstein and Galileo were notorious chron...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/12/19
When did people start conflating nerds (smart kids who pursu...
animeboi
  05/12/19
This guy is a GenX boomer who feels its important to put &qu...
animeboi
  05/12/19
...
CharlesXII
  05/12/19
...
.,.,.,.,.,.,...,..,..,...,...,..,..,.,..
  05/12/19
...
Krampusnacht
  05/12/19
...
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  05/12/19
"knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"...
acoustic thugicide
  05/12/19
lol cr And women masturbate bigot, deal with it
Sporting Events
  05/12/19
lol
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/12/19
...
CharlesXII
  05/12/19
...
don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker
  05/12/19
Chapter 19 Part 2
CharlesXII
  05/12/19
Chapter 20
CharlesXII
  05/12/19
lol that 'POV' concept is so forced you have to wonder how l...
anal sex
  05/12/19
If no one can get onto his astroid unless he grants them acc...
EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!
  05/13/19
chaz, how familiar are you with cicada 3301? theres an e...
deus vult
  05/12/19
Only know what's on Wikipedia. I'm not big into super-puzzle...
CharlesXII
  05/12/19
yeah, its a good counterpoint. sure there are nerd refe...
deus vult
  05/12/19
dude literally cant comprehend the question raised itt: ...
deus vult
  05/12/19
"Why would you make an unpopular culture reference, unl...
anal sex
  05/12/19
Tbf, I think he definitely understood the question.
EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!
  05/13/19
i have to say that, although the storyline is utterly retard...
Sotomayor McCheese
  05/12/19
It’s a bad book, but the popularity is sadly comprehen...
CharlesXII
  05/12/19
It's a solid concept but with incredibly poor execution. Sim...
Royall Jenkins
  05/13/19
...
Such anathema to us!
  05/13/19
Its not a solid concept because the idea of following a fict...
animeboi
  05/13/19
...
The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest
  05/14/19
Chapter 21
CharlesXII
  05/13/19
If he was bombarding the cargo ship with lasers and torpedos...
EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!
  05/13/19
Chapter 22
CharlesXII
  05/13/19
That was awfully nice of ex-BFF Aech.
Royall Jenkins
  05/13/19
I imagine it's repayment for the Jousting clue. Not a terrib...
CharlesXII
  05/13/19
he just sits down and runs a perfect PacMan score, through 2...
A Jurisprudence is Performed
  05/13/19
In fairness it does take him 8 attempts, but that's still pr...
CharlesXII
  05/13/19
Perfect Pac-Man: May 22, 2013 - 3hrs 28min 49sec (1 of 2) ...
animeboi
  05/13/19
lmao at that bro listening to a course on the muslim brother...
Big stuff. Deep State.
  05/13/19
yeah, he's a GAMER: Guys Against Muslim Expropriation ...
animeboi
  05/13/19
...
anal sex
  05/14/19
Chapter 23
CharlesXII
  05/13/19
it's also Honeycomb (singular). If you already know how t...
hung stud
  05/13/19
It does seem like a decent investment of time/money to get a...
CharlesXII
  05/13/19
lol enemies. Zork has none, it's the primitive text-only an...
animeboi
  05/13/19
Are there at least monsters in the context of the adventure?...
CharlesXII
  05/13/19
There are monsters but its not like an rpg where they have H...
animeboi
  05/13/19
filfre.net has good articles on Infocom games for anyone who...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/13/19
I played a few of these on an old PC in the late 80's / earl...
Don Kihote
  05/14/19
You are doing yeoman's work slogging through this for us.
Such anathema to us!
  05/14/19
Chapter 24
CharlesXII
  05/14/19
Chapter 25
CharlesXII
  05/14/19
hikikomori typically live at home and are enabled by their p...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/14/19
Cline does mention that hikikomori "rely on their famil...
CharlesXII
  05/14/19
I feel like with some minor retconning you could have Christ...
N904PD
  05/15/19
...
Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success
  05/16/19
Chapter 26
CharlesXII
  05/15/19
FUCK
Naked in his Chinkle Chankle
  05/15/19
""Black Tiger had first been released in Japan und...
animeboi
  05/15/19
I wouldn't sweat it too much. The "seppuku" fuckup...
CharlesXII
  05/15/19
Hate to admit it, but Black Tiger was one of my favourite ar...
animeboi
  05/16/19
Chapter 27
CharlesXII
  05/15/19
...
King Stannis
  05/15/19
...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/15/19
...
Such anathema to us!
  05/15/19
...
anal sex
  05/15/19
With their 1976 concept album 2112, Canadian band Rush achie...
animeboi
  05/16/19
Doing God's work here. No interest in actually reading the b...
Diamond Dallas Chad
  05/15/19
...
Naked in his Chinkle Chankle
  05/16/19
im assuming that xoxo is part of a similar multiyear scavang...
King Stannis
  05/15/19
...
Star Wars Diversity Alliance
  05/16/19
it's not unsolved, it's a hash cipher that details how to ha...
Sotomayor McCheese
  05/16/19
That's why we're here all day endlessly studying xo content
biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm
  05/16/19
I’ve watched “Hate Crime (2012)” 53 times....
N904PD
  05/16/19
...
Sporting Events
  05/16/19
...
Such anathema to us!
  05/16/19
Chapter 28
CharlesXII
  05/16/19
Where is chapter 28 you motherfucker? Btw, I'm eagerly aw...
Diamond Dallas Chad
  05/16/19
Whoops, the above was Ch 28. The book uses a weird font for ...
CharlesXII
  05/16/19
I feel like you could have savaged this chapter a lot more, ...
Diamond Dallas Chad
  05/16/19
You're right. I was lulled a bit by how the last few chapter...
CharlesXII
  05/16/19
Also I think your earlier estimate of how much time all that...
wait till biggus dickus hears of this
  05/17/19
"OF COURSE, I'd taken the precaution of reinforcing my ...
Diamond Dallas Chad
  05/17/19
Had the same thought, glad Charles returned to SAVAGE that p...
Such anathema to us!
  05/18/19
?
Royall Jenkins
  05/19/19


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 7:18 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

For four years, I have been searching for a book sufficiently terrible to justify being the follow-up to the Christian Nation book review thread (http://autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2901174&mc=3&forum_id=2 ).

I think Ready Player One is that book.

Ready Player One is one of the most stupendously popular books of the past decade. It has 19,000 Amazon reviews (almost as many as A Game of Thrones), and they are overwhelmingly 4 or 5 stars. In 2018, its film adaptation grossed more than half a billion dollars. A sequel is in the works right now.

The author, Ernest Cline, is a slam poet who lives in Austin: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/14/Ernest_Cline_by_Gage_Skidmore.jpg/220px-Ernest_Cline_by_Gage_Skidmore.jpg

Here are what some professional writers and critics said about the book:

"Completely fricking awesome...This book pleased every geeky bone in my geeky body. I felt like it was written just for me." -Patrick Rothfuss

"A treasure for anyone already nostalgic for the late 20th century. . . But it’s also a great read for anyone who likes a good book." —Wired.com

"Ridiculously fun and large-hearted, and you don't have to remember the Reagan administration to love it…[Cline] takes a far-out premise and engages the reader instantly…You'll wish you could make it go on and on." —NPR

"Nerdgasm ... there can be no better one-word description of this ardent fantasy artifact about fantasy culture ... But Mr. Cline is able to incorporate his favorite toys and games into a perfectly accessible narrative.” —Janet Maslin, The New York Times

"A rollicking, surprise-laden, potboiling, thrilling adventure story ... I loved every sentence of this book." -BoingBoing

All of these people are full of shit. Ready Player One isn't just bad. It may encapsulate every negative trend in modern fiction. But don't take my word for it. We'll start going through the book in the next post.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142823)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 7:19 PM
Author: Maori woman performing defiant haka

subscribed

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142829)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 7:28 PM
Author: Driving back in silence from retirement home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142865)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 11:51 PM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker

aw hell yeah

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144351)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 6:22 AM
Author: a den of proles



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144984)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 7:30 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145062)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:05 AM
Author: Tratyush Abhimanyu Darshkarthik



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145124)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 10:13 AM
Author: I blank bump 100% of kenny threads (donny)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145460)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 11:29 AM
Author: GOY



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145982)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 2:17 PM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146941)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 12:12 AM
Author: owl dood



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149524)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:07 AM
Author: The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174506)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 5th, 2019 5:12 PM
Author: '''''''"'"



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38191095)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 9th, 2019 10:27 AM
Author: ,..,;,,..,.,.,.,;.,;.,,..,,..,,;,,....,,;.;..,.;,.




(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209803)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 7:27 PM
Author: N904PD

The obvious next level in JJC threading:

http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3942325&mc=9&forum_id=2

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142862)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 7:54 PM
Author: faggy retard (uspo)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142976)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:51 PM
Author: Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?

Ready Player One:JJC::Jason Mraz:TSINAH

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143300)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 1:08 AM
Author: Taylor Swift is not a hobby she is a lifestyle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144578)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 7:50 PM
Author: Cock McStuffins

I thought this book was fun but ridiculous and well worth a takedown.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142961)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 7:54 PM
Author: rear naked choke

Fully erect in anticipation of this thread.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38142977)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:03 PM
Author: animeboi

>professional writers and critics said about the book:

>"Completely fricking awesome"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143003)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:12 PM
Author: TRUMPdog Billionaire (Dr. Thunder)

Charles has a writing style similar to my own. Perhaps not in our normal xo conversational languages, but when he sets out a premise it is very similar to my own style. I’m biased, but I think he is an excellent writer.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143051)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 6:15 AM
Author: anal sex

I really do think that if you're shooting for clarity the best writers would all be indistinguishable from one another

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144976)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 10:12 AM
Author: TRUMPdog Billionaire (Dr. Thunder)

I largely agree.

But very few people seem to have the knack for writing with clarity.

Most, IMO, write self-indulgently using many words while saying nothing.

And, if they make a point, it’s hidden in the jumble.

Caveats:

The best English professor I ever had, who helped my writing immensely, suggested I attend law school because “few have the innate knack for logical structure & clarity of argument.” Only bad advice he ever gave me.

I also had a prominent NY attorney, who judged a mock trial in LS, tell me that it would be an “utter shame” if I did not become a trial lawyer because I had “an extremely rare knack for questioning witnesses.”

Sometimes what you’re good at doesn’t make you happy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145459)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 7:48 PM
Author: '''''''''''"'

also no evidence you are actually "good"at any of those things. You took offhand comments from boomer idiots and based your life around them. Pretty LOW IQ move.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148504)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 9:17 PM
Author: TRUMPdog Billionaire (Dr. Thunder)

I think having experts in a particular field tell you that they believe you have rare talents in their fields of expertise qualifies as evidence that you are probably good at those skills. Following their career advice, which was genuine, well-intentioned, & not “offhand,” may be low IQ, though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148812)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:15 PM
Author: """"''


My review:

Premise was good and 80's nostalgia was entertaining but book was way too childish and faggy

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143069)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:34 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: PROLOGUE

Chapter 00

-The prologue chapter begins five years before the main narrative, describing how we got here. Billionaire James Halliday, inventor of the mega-popular VR online world OASIS, dies without an heir.

-In the third paragraph, we get our first cringeworthy 80s pop culture reference:

"At first, I couldn’t understand why the media was making such a big deal of the billionaire’s death. After all, the people of Planet Earth had other concerns. The ongoing energy crisis. Catastrophic climate change. Widespread famine, poverty, and disease. Half a dozen wars. You know: 'dogs and cats living together … mass hysteria!'"

-The narrator describes other horrors that plague the modern world, like killer viruses and the destruction of major cities with nuclear weapons. It sounds like the world is completely collapsing. Remember that, now.

-After his death, Halliday releases a five-minute video explaining how his heir will be chosen. The video, in the narrator's memorable words, has "everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their cornflakes," so we can deduce that 1. Toronto and Tokyo haven't been nuked, and 2. Despite nuclear war ravaging the planet, cereal companies are still making corn flakes. The narrator says that Halliday's 5-minute video becomes the most-analyzed film in history, memorized by every single member of his generation.

-Halliday's video, Anorak's Invitation (Anorak is his avatar), is basically just a neverending blizzard of 80s references: The people in the background are all extras from John Hughes movies, the setting is a room from the film Heathers, a bunch of old game consoles make an appearance, etc. Halliday explains how the first video game "easter egg" was in the Atari game Adventure. Whoever finds his own "Easter egg," hidden in the OASIS, will be given Halliday's entire fortune, plus control of the OASIS itself. To reach the egg, OASIS users must first recover three hidden keys. To help people find the keys, Halliday leaves behind a few cryptic clues, as well as a thousand-page book, "Anorak's Almanac," a collection of undated diary entries discussing Halliday's interests and life philosophy. In the narrator's words, it's mostly "his stream-of-consciousness observations on various classic videogames, science-fiction and fantasy novels, movies, comic books, and '80s pop culture, mixed with humorous diatribes denouncing everything from organized religion to diet soda." HAHA MEGA LULZ HE HATES DIET COKE GUYS.

-Halliday's contest rapidly changes global popular culture by sparking a huge 80s revival: "Fifty years after the decade had ended, the movies, music, games, and fashions of the 1980s were all the rage once again. By 2041, spiked hair and acid-washed jeans were back in style, and covers of hit ’80s pop songs by contemporary bands dominated the music charts. People who had actually been teenagers in the 1980s, all now approaching old age, had the strange experience of seeing the fads and fashions of their youth embraced and studied by their grandchildren." Apparently, despite global famine and nuclear war, there are still acid-washed jeans and music charts.

-Millions of people join the hunt for Halliday's Egg. Those who pursue it full-time are "egg-hunters," which is eventually hilariously shortened to "gunters." For a moment, almost everybody is hunting for the egg, but after five years nobody has found a single key. Interest in the hunt dwindles down to the most hardcore (though apparently the 80s fad continues untouched). Many assume the entire Easter Egg is a hoax, a final prank by a deranged, secluded billionare.

-BUT THEN: "On the evening of February 11, 2045, an avatar’s name appeared at the top of the Scoreboard, for the whole world to see. After five long years, the Copper Key had finally been found, by an eighteen-year-old kid living in a trailer park on the outskirts of Oklahoma City.

That kid was me.

Dozens of books, cartoons, movies, and miniseries [wait, the future will have TV miniseries again?] have attempted to tell the story of everything that happened next, but every single one of them got it wrong. So I want to set

the record straight, once and for all."

-Not a gruesomely bad chapter overall. Only one brutally forced reference, and the basic concept could be pulpy fun. But we're just getting started.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143176)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 11:58 PM
Author: fri3nd

has "everyone from Toronto to Tokyo crapping in their cornflakes,"

so people instantly forget a city's name if it gets nuked?



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144377)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 6:20 AM
Author: parzival

I think they stop living there because of the cockroaches

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144981)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 2:26 PM
Author: fri3nd



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146992)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 2:58 PM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147162)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:36 PM
Author: anal sex

subscribed

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143186)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:40 PM
Author: King Stannis



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143223)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:48 PM
Author: Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?

can't wait

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143282)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 8:51 PM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38143302)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 25th, 2019 11:49 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: CHAPTER 1 Part 1

-The main narrative opens with this amazing quote from Anorak's Almanac: "Being human totally sucks most of the time. Videogames are the only thing that make life bearable."

Now, granted, this is the view of a CHARACTER in the book, not the author. But I've read about half of this book already, and nothing so far has suggested anything except that life really DOES suck and video games are the one bright spot. Also, this book's entire plot revolves around the idea that by playing video games for half a decade you could suddenly be rewarded by becoming the richest man in the world. So... it really does seem to be the author's opinion.

Also, another quibble: Does that quote really sound like the opinion of the richest man in the world? Becoming a self-made megabillionaire requires a huge amount of drive, ambition, energy, and single-minded commitment. Do you really think a guy who thinks everything except playing video games sucks would do that? Seems unlikely.

-The narrator is woken by gunfire, which is common in "the stacks," where he lives. Unable to go back to sleep, he decides to kill a few hours by practicing some old coin-op games: Galaga, Asteroids, Defender. They may be old, but the narrator doesn't care: "I was a gunter, so I didn’t think of them as quaint low-res antiques. To me, they were hallowed artifacts. Pillars of the pantheon. When I played the classics, I did so with a determined sort of reverence." I don't know how reverence can be "determined," but whatever.

-The narrator lives in a double-wide trailer with fifteen other people. He prefers to sleep in the laundry room, which smells like fabric softener, instead of "cat piss and abject poverty."

-"I pulled out my laptop and powered it on. It was a bulky, heavy beast, almost ten years old. I’d found it in a trash bin behind the abandoned strip mall across the highway. "

Cline seems to be evoking the ancient laptops of the 90s, which of course were all bulky and heavy. But this is the 2040s. Even by 2010, when the book was written, the typical laptop had become very lightweight. Why would even an "old" laptop in the future suddenly be hefty again? Also, if the world is falling apart and everyone is poor, wouldn't people keep using old computers rather than just abandoning them in dumpsters?

-"I’d been able to coax it back to life by replacing its system memory and reloading the stone-age operating system. The processor was slower than a sloth by current standards, but it was fine for my needs."

According to the narrator, the real world is falling apart from war, famine, and an energy crisis. Is there still such dramatic computer innovation that a decade-old laptop is hopelessly obsolete? Who is putting out new operating systems? How did Moore's Law get reignited in such a terrible economic climate?

-The narrator offers his endorsement of the Anorak quote above: "I booted up my emulator and selected Robotron: 2084, one of my all-time favorite games ... Playing old videogames never failed to clear my mind and set me at ease. If I was feeling depressed or frustrated about my lot in life, all I had to do was tap the Player One button, and my worries would instantly slip away as my mind focused itself on the relentless pixelated onslaught on the screen in front of me."

-The narrator plays the game for "a few hours." That's a lot of Robotron. But he's not done yet. After getting a game over, he opens his video library: "Over the past five years, I’d downloaded every single movie, TV show, and cartoon mentioned in Anorak’s Almanac."

-Instead of watching something new, though, he decides to rewatch one of Halliday's favorite sitcoms, Family Ties: "I’d become addicted to the show immediately, and had now watched all 180 episodes, multiple times." FWIW, that's a minimum of 120 hours just spent watching Family Ties.

-As he watches what turns out to be four straight episodes of Family Ties, the narrator finally gives his name and starts explaining his own situation: "I was the only child of two teenagers, both refugees [from where?] who’d met in the stacks where I’d grown up. I don’t remember my father. When I was just a few months old, he was shot dead while looting a grocery store during a power blackout. The only thing I really knew about him was that he loved comic books. I’d found several old flash drives in a box of his things, containing complete runs of The Amazing Spider-Man, The X-Men, and Green Lantern. My mom once told me that my dad had given me an alliterative name, Wade Watts, because he thought it sounded like the secret identity of a superhero. Like Peter Parker or Clark Kent. Knowing that made me think he must have been a cool guy, despite how he’d died."

-Wade's mother worked inside OASIS as a telemarketer and as an escort at an online brothel: "She used to make me wear earplugs at night so I wouldn’t hear her in the next room, talking dirty to tricks in other time zones." Maybe I'm not up to date on my lingo, but aren't tricks the actual sex acts that hookers perform, while the clients are "johns"?

-Wade then takes a moment to explain how the world itself is shit. He says that when he was a kid, everybody "lied" to him about what was going on, and he only figured out the truth by reading books in the Oasis library. But he never actually explains what the lies were, so I guess we just have to take his word for it.

Anyway, Wade then says what he WISHES he'd been told by the adults in his life. It's a literal r/atheism-style screed about how there's no God and everything sucks. Reading this was when I knew I had to do an XO readthrough of the book, so fuck it, I'm posting it in full:

“Here’s the deal, Wade. You’re something called a ‘human being.’ That’s a really smart kind of animal. Like every other animal on this planet, we’re descended from a single-celled organism that lived millions of years ago. This happened by a process called evolution, and you’ll learn more about it later. But trust me, that’s really how we all got here. There’s proof of it everywhere, buried in the rocks. That story you heard? About how we were all created by a super-powerful dude named God who lives up in the sky? Total bullshit. The whole God thing is actually an ancient fairy tale that people have been telling one another for thousands of years. We made it all up. Like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

“Oh, and by the way … there’s no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. Also bullshit. Sorry, kid.

Deal with it.

“You’re probably wondering what happened before you got here. An awful lot of stuff, actually. Once we evolved into humans, things got pretty interesting. We figured out how to grow food and domesticate animals so we didn’t have to spend all of our time hunting. Our tribes got much bigger, and we spread across the entire planet like an unstoppable virus. Then, after fighting a bunch of wars with each other over land, resources, and our made-up gods, we eventually got all of our tribes organized into a ‘global civilization.’ But, honestly, it wasn’t all that organized, or civilized, and we continued to fight a lot of wars with each other. But we also figured out how to do science, which helped us develop technology. For a bunch of hairless apes, we’ve actually managed to invent some pretty incredible things.

Computers. Medicine. Lasers. Microwave ovens. Artificial hearts. Atomic bombs. We even sent a few guys to the moon and brought them back. We also created a global communications network that lets us all talk to each other, all around the world, all the time. Pretty impressive, right?

“But that’s where the bad news comes in. Our global civilization came at a huge cost. We needed a whole bunch of energy to build it, and we got that energy by burning fossil fuels, which came from dead plants and animals buried deep in the ground. We used up most of this fuel before you got here, and now it’s pretty much all gone. This means that we no

longer have enough energy to keep our civilization running like it was before. So we’ve had to cut back. Big-time. We call this the Global Energy Crisis, and it’s been going on for a

while now.

“Also, it turns out that burning all of those fossil fuels had some nasty side effects, like raising the temperature of our planet and screwing up the environment. So now the polar ice caps are melting, sea levels are rising, and the weather is all messed up. Plants and

animals are dying off in record numbers, and lots of people are starving and homeless. And we’re still fighting wars with each other, mostly over the few resources we have left.

“Basically, kid, what this all means is that life is a lot tougher than it used to be, in the Good Old Days, back before you were born. Things used to be awesome, but now they’re kinda terrifying. To be honest, the future doesn’t look too bright. You were born at a pretty

crappy time in history. And it looks like things are only gonna get worse from here on out.

Human civilization is in ‘decline.’ Some people even say it’s ‘collapsing.’

“You’re probably wondering what’s going to happen to you. That’s easy. The same thing is going to happen to you that has happened to every other human being who has ever lived. You’re going to die. We all die. That’s just how it is.

“What happens when you die? Well, we’re not completely sure. But the evidence seems to suggest that nothing happens. You’re just dead, your brain stops working, and then you’re not around to ask annoying questions anymore. Those stories you heard? About going to a wonderful place called ‘heaven’ where there is no more pain or death and you live forever in a state of perpetual happiness? Also total bullshit. Just like all that God stuff. There’s no evidence of a heaven and there never was. We made that up too. Wishful thinking. So now you have to live the rest of your life knowing you’re going to die someday and disappear forever.

“Sorry.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144348)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 11:28 AM
Author: EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!

Technically you are right about tricks/johns but Ive heard dumb women refer to the guys as tricks. I think it makes them feel empowered as sex workers saying it this way or some bullsbit like that. Also, they cut that part out of the movie.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145971)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 11:28 AM
Author: animeboi

Did they cut out all the r/EuphoricAtheist crap?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145977)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 11:39 AM
Author: EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!

I watched it on an airplane so memory isn't great.. but I think they toned it down a bunch. May have mentioned evolution and when you die you die...but they definitely didn't go as far as to say God doesn't exist.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146051)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 12:00 AM
Author: Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success

subscribed

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144387)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 12:02 AM
Author: ESL TM..,..;;. (🦈)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144395)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 12:05 AM
Author: Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144410)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 12:11 AM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

Subbed. Would probably be inappropriate to squee, but...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144428)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 1:02 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: CHAPTER 1 Part 2

-Wade says the shittyness of the world made him consider suicide, but luckily, he had the magical outlet of video games:

"I had access to the OASIS, which was like having an escape hatch into a better reality. The OASIS kept me sane. It was my playground and my preschool, a magical place where anything was possible. The OASIS is the setting of all my happiest childhood memories."

It's getting pretty clear that the Anorak quote at the start is 100% unironic.

-When Wade is 11, his mom dies after shooting up some bad drugs. He moves in with his aunt Alice, who only takes him for the extra food vouchers. Despite this, Wade says he mostly has to find his own food, which he pays for by performing freelance computer repairs: "I earned enough to keep from going hungry, which was more than a lot of my neighbors could say." This is the only justification offered for how, in a time of widespread famine, Wade is still a fat guy. Wade says that, despite living in a trailer and scrambling for food, he's better off than most kids in the world, including most of those in North America.

-Other than hustling for food, Wade says his only passion, and the only thing bringing him happiness, is the hunt for Halliday's egg.

-Anyway, that's all of Wade's worldbuilding for now, and we finally return to the present. Wade's two-hour Family Ties marathon is halted when his aunt Alice walks in, looking like "a malnourished harpy in a housecoat." Apparently she is starving while Wade is fat, even though she is also stealing his food vouchers.

-Alice tries to seize Wade's laptop to sell for money. When he resists, she returns with her boyfriend Rick, who is "perpetually shirtless, because he liked to show off his impressive collection of prison tattoos." Rick briefly menaces Wade and easily gets the laptop from him, because Wade is a pussy.

-Wade decides to leave the trailer, and finally reveals his living arrangement: To cope with overcrowding, trailer parks have been converted into "stacks," with mobiles homes, shipping containers, and even VW minibuses all stacked in metal frames rising 15-25 stories into the air. The overcrowding occurred when the energy crisis began, and people from rural and suburban areas clustered into large cities, "desperate for work, food, electricity, and reliable OASIS access." Wade's stack still has functional electricity, water, and sewage though, which is very convenient, because it means he can claim everything sucks without Wade's basic lifestyle being any different from a modern poor.

-"Our trailer was near the northern edge of the stacks, which ran up to a crumbling highway overpass.From my vantage point at the laundry room window, I could see a thin stream of electric vehicles crawling along the cracked asphalt, carrying goods and workers into the city."

"Carrying goods and workers" is a pretty fun turn of phrase. BTW, what do the workers do? If there really is an extremely severe energy crisis that makes travel difficult, I imagine widespread work from home, or live on-site, would be an obvious way to economize. Having workers live really far from their place of work is a luxury for high-energy times.

-Then, Wade has another moment of Reddit goonthink: "As I stared out at the grim skyline, a bright sliver of the sun peeked over the horizon. Watching it rise, I performed a mental ritual: Whenever I saw the sun, I reminded myself that I was looking at a star. One of over a hundred billion stars in our galaxy. A galaxy that was just one of billions of other galaxies in the observable universe. This helped me keep things in perspective. I’d started doing it after watching a science program from the early ’80s called Cosmos."

See, he watched Cosmos! That's probably so cool if you also watched Cosmos and understood that reference.

-Wade descends to the bottom of the stacks, but he has to be careful:

"In the stacks, it was best to avoid being heard or seen, whenever possible. There were often dangerous and desperate people about—the sort who would rob you, rape you, and then sell your organs on the black market.

"Descending the network of metal girders had always reminded me of old platform videogames like Donkey Kong or BurgerTime. I’d seized upon this idea a few years earlier when I coded my first Atari 2600 game (a gunter rite of passage, like a Jedi building his first lightsaber) [Why would that be a rite of passage? Learning to code an Atari is a time-consuming niche skill very unlikely to help one find the key.] It was a Pitfall rip-off called The Stacks where you had to navigate through a vertical maze of trailers, collecting junk computers, snagging food-voucher power-ups, and avoiding meth addicts and pedophiles [Man are random pedophile attacks really a problem in the future?] on your way to school. My game was a lot more fun than the real thing." [Thanks for the clarification]

-As he descends his stack, Wade passes the trailer of his neighbor Mrs. Gilmore. She's a friendly woman who apparently has no problem living on the 19th floor of a stack (accessibly only by staircase) despite being in her mid-70s. She's nice and offers Wade breakfast (a far more meaningful gesture in these famished times), but he declines. Gilmore is apparently a great woman, with one problem: She's so DUMB cuz she believes in GOD:

"Mrs. Gilmore was a total sweetheart. She let me crash on her couch when I needed to, although it was hard for me to sleep there because of all her cats. Mrs. G was super-religious and spent most of her time in the OASIS, sitting in the congregation of one of those big online mega-churches, singing hymns, listening to sermons, and taking virtual tours of the Holy Land. I fixed her ancient OASIS console whenever it went on the fritz, and in return, she answered my endless questions about what it had been like for her to grow up during the 1980s. She knew the coolest bits of ’80s trivia—stuff you couldn’t learn from books or movies. She was always praying for me too. Trying her hardest to save my soul. I never had the heart to tell her that I thought organized religion was a total crock. It was a pleasant fantasy that gave her hope and kept her going—which was exactly what the Hunt was for me. To quote the Almanac: 'People who live in glass houses should shut the fuck up.'"

-Wade says most people in the area who have jobs at all work in "factory farms" surrounding Oklahoma City. If it's true that the energy crisis is pushing people back into agriculture, why are they all clustered into big cities? Ag, by its nature, is rather rural.

-Wade walks to his hideout ("My Batcave. My Fortress of Solitude."), a van that sits in a pile of vehicles abandoned by owners who couldn't afford gas for them anymore. In his hideout, he has a bunch of old car batteries that he recharges using an exercise bike, and then uses to generate heat and electricity. My layman's guess is that it would take a VERY long time for pedal power to generate a useful amount of electricity, but whatever, it's the future I guess.

-The hideout also stores Wade's Oasis console. It's basically a VR headset with haptic gloves. Wade logs in using his password: “You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan Armada.” That's a quote from The Last Starfighter. I'm sure knowing Wade's password is so incredibly exciting if you have watched that movie.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144567)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 6:02 AM
Author: Whitechapel Fatberg



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144961)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 6:14 AM
Author: anal sex

lol, is the narrator really a FAT? that's some serious manifest destiny shit right there

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38144975)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 6:38 AM
Author: animeboi

Yes, even though "he has a bunch of old car batteries that he recharges using an exercise bike, and then uses to generate heat and electricity." For reference, a pro cyclist can generate 300-400 W.

One of my big problems with sci-fi is the often unrealistic economies, but this one takes the cake.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145008)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 6:40 AM
Author: anal sex

this is why science fiction books shouldn't be published without being signed off by a dietician and an M.D.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145011)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 3:21 PM
Author: Taylor Swift is not a hobby she is a lifestyle

That's what made Michae Crichton such a great author: He was a literal MD writing sci-fi stuff.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147275)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 4:56 PM
Author: anal sex

Exactly. Crichton and Peter Watts wrote some of the only great hard sci-fi for this reason. The only other great sci-fi is the allegorically religious stuff, like Dick, Simmons, Stephenson, Wolfe, etc

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147800)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:09 AM
Author: The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174513)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:52 PM
Author: faggy retard (βœ…)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38183574)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 9:39 AM
Author: animeboi

[Why would that be a rite of passage? Learning to code an Atari is a time-consuming niche skill very unlikely to help one find the key.]

Because the author has zero technical knowledge and assumed an old system would be easy to program because its old and simple. He didn't know that Ataris were programmed in assembly and programmers had to work directly with the underlying hardware architecture and this is a million times more difficult to learn than writing a simple game in a high-level language on a more advanced computer. Also, he did this in his spare time between generating power on his exercise bike and playing his MMO 12 hours a day.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145362)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 3:01 PM
Author: Don Kihote



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147176)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 2:47 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

just to expand on this, the atari 2600 is definitely the hardest console to program because of its punishing technical limitations. atari programmers routinely used hacks like calculating the contents of the upcoming scan line while the CRT's electron gun was returning to the ready position. there's no reason for even the most abject nerd to master the requisite minutiae, and i say this as someone who knows 6502 assembly language and has written demoscene warez. man, fuck this guy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38160547)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 5:55 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38161516)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 7:37 AM
Author: prince

i saw that shitty movie, but didnt realize just how truly vile the book was. ty charles.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145067)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 8:41 AM
Author: black, queer, poz-writer/artist/nigga (literal autist)

Jfc if the prose Charles quotes from the book is any indication on how the rest goes this book is utter SPS

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38145193)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 1:49 PM
Author: Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?

The book is terribly written, but a fun ride.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146749)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 2:01 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

People like you make bad things happen.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38146840)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 2:45 PM
Author: Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?

The movie sucked.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147094)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 2:59 PM
Author: faggy retard (uspo)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147165)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 3:00 PM
Author: fri3nd

glad you're finally coming around.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147171)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 3:09 PM
Author: black, queer, poz-writer/artist/nigga (literal autist)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147213)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 3:10 PM
Author: GOY



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147218)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 4:33 PM
Author: prince



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147646)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 5:00 PM
Author: exeunt (0x6c542c3a976e324ccb84d594cbc084bd57597849)

enjoy life mang

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147821)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 5:08 PM
Author: Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?

(Well-known arbiter of culture visiting from the year 1682)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147871)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 9:33 AM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker

that’s y we love him

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158983)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:48 PM
Author: zarathustra



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162268)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:09 AM
Author: The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174516)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 8:18 PM
Author: SomeOtherGhost



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148595)



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Date: April 26th, 2019 4:46 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 2 Part 1

Chapter 2

-Wade's avatar enters the OASIS where he left it the night before, "in front of my locker on the second floor of my high school." Why does he even have a locker in a virtual reality school? Apparently they hold the textbooks that he adds to his "inventory," but why can't they just start in his inventory? Maybe they want it to look like a real school, but that still wouldn't require actually assigning lockers to students. Oh wait, it's obviously because Cline only has the creativity to put a paper-thin VR gloss over ordinary high school.

-Wade describes his locker interior: "A picture of Princess Leia posing with a blaster pistol. A group photo of the members of Monty Python in their Holy Grail costumes. James Halliday’s Time magazine cover."

-Wade's avatar has extremely meager items: A plain iron sword, a flashlight, a bronze shield, etc. Items are apparently hard to get, and in contrast to EVERY other MMO ever made, OASIS money is "one of the world’s most stable currencies, valued higher than the dollar, pound, euro, or yen."

-Wade's avatar is named Parzival, a variant spelling of one of King Arthur's knights who sought the Holy Grail. Avatar names must be unique to the user, so it's rather surprising that name was completely unclaimed 20+ years into the OASIS's existence. I'll give it a pass, though.

-Wade mentions that most OASIS users are anonymous and it's one of the major perks of the service. This book came out in 2011, when it was still okay for liberals to support online anonymity.

-Wade reflects on his future: "I wasn’t looking forward to leaving school. I didn’t have the money to attend college, not even one in the OASIS, and my grades weren’t good enough for a scholarship. My only plan after graduation was to become a full-time gunter. I didn’t have much choice. Winning the contest was my one chance of escaping the stacks. Unless I wanted to sign a five-year indenturement contract with some corporation, and that was about as appealing to me as rolling around in broken glass in my birthday suit."

-Wade has a run-in with bullies, but he pwns them with his incisive wit:

"'Hey, hey! If it isn’t Wade Three!' I heard a voice shout. I turned and saw Todd13, an obnoxious avatar I recognized from my Algebra II class. He was standing with several of his friends. “Great outfit, slick,” he said. “Where did you snag the sweet threads?” My avatar was wearing a black T-shirt and blue jeans, one of the free default skins you

could select when you created your account. Like his Cro-Magnon friends, Todd13 wore an expensive designer skin, probably purchased in some offworld mall.

'Your mom bought them for me,' I retorted without breaking my stride. 'Tell her I said thanks, the next time you stop at home to breast-feed and pick up your allowance.' ... At this school, the only real weapons were words, so I’d become skilled at wielding them."

-How does it make sense to even HAVE bullies at virtual school, anyway? He explicitly says there is no PVP, so physical bullying/griefing is out, and you ALSO have the ability to mute anybody you're talking to. Any annoying bully could just be muted right away. How the Hell does Wade have bullies to deal with?

-Wade talks about how OASIS school is way better than real school:

"I’d attended school in the real world up until the sixth grade. It hadn’t been a very pleasant experience. I was a painfully shy, awkward kid, with low self-esteem and almost no social skills—a side effect of spending most of my childhood inside the OASIS. Online, I didn’t have a problem talking to people or making friends. But in the real world, interacting with other people—especially kids my own age—made me a nervous wreck. I never knew how to act or what to say, and when I did work up the courage to speak, I always seemed to say the wrong thing."

A few things. First, if the OASIS closely mirrors IRL interactions by being in VR, wouldn't it be less divorced from IRL interactions today? It's not like he's just typing in a chatroom. Second, if the OASIS is as popular as he says, wouldn't a ton of kids be in the exact same boat? How could he be that much of a misfit?

Wade continues:

"My appearance was part of the problem. I was overweight, and had been for as long as I could remember. My bankrupt diet of government-subsidized sugar-and-starch-laden food was a contributing factor, but I was also an OASIS addict, so the only exercise I usually got back then was running away from bullies before and after school. To make matters worse, my limited wardrobe consisted entirely of ill-fitting clothes from thrift stores and donation bins—the social equivalent of having a bull’s-eye painted on my forehead."

Once again, this seems to clash with Cline's own worldbuilding. The entire world is falling apart and tons of people are poor. Wade, by his own admission, is LUCKY to have so much to eat that he's a fatass. Would he really "have a bull's-eye" on his forehead for dressing in shitty clothes and using the OASIS? Wouldn't MOST of the kids be OASIS addicts with crummy clothes? FFS, it's a public school; presumably the handful of wealthy people have retreated entirely to private schooling. But nope, apparently post-apocalyptic high school is EXACTLY like being a bullied dork in attending public school in the 80s.

-"Even so, I tried my best to fit in. Year after year, my eyes would scan the lunchroom like a T-1000, searching for a clique that might accept me. But even the other outcasts wanted nothing to do with me. I was too weird, even for the weirdos. And girls? Talking to girls was out of the question. To me, they were like some exotic alien species, both beautiful and terrifying. Whenever I got near one of them, I invariably broke out in a cold sweat and lost the ability to speak in complete sentences."

More weirdness. Wade switched out of public school after fifth grade. Had he even hit puberty at that point? Is he seriously a bubbling retard around "beautiful" girls in elementary school?

-Anyway, Wade eventually quits public school to attend a virtual public school on the OASIS, which the government actively encourages to relieve its overcrowded, underfunded real schools. The schools are all on the same OASIS planet, Ludus, with identical floor plans. Wade mentions the schools have "zero-g gymnasiums."

-OASIS school is heaven because it frees Wade from ever having to actually interact with real people:

"On my first day at OPS #1873, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. Now, instead of running a gauntlet of bullies and drug addicts on my walk to school each morning, I went straight to my hideout and stayed there all day. Best of all, in the OASIS, no one could tell that I was fat, that I had acne, or that I wore the same shabby clothes every week. Bullies couldn’t pelt me with spitballs, give me atomic wedgies, or pummel me by the bike rack after school [Post-apocalyptic school really is an 80s sitcom]. No one could even touch me. In here, I was safe."

-As he waits for a history class to start, Wade logs in to a gunter message board. The board is deliberately archaic, as well as "mired in bravado, bullshit, and pointless infighting." Just like XO!

-Wade's favorite gunter threads are those bashing the "Sixers," the main villains in this book. Sixers are employees of Innovative Online Industries, the world's largest ISP. IOI's goal is to take over OASIS by deploying its employees to win the Easter Egg hunt. If they win, their plan is to charge a monthly fee for OASIS access, eliminate user anonymity and privacy, and flood the platform with ads. That...sounds pretty plausible, though "evil megacorporation" is a little jarring in a world otherwise defined by starvation and nuclear war. It's interesting that bog-standard global capitalism has survived all this tumult without a revolution.

-Why the name Sixers? Wade explains:

"IOI required its egg hunters, which it referred to as “oologists,” to use their employee numbers as their OASIS avatar names. These numbers were all six digits in length, and they also began with the numeral “6,” so everyone began calling them the Sixers. These days, most gunters referred to them as “the Sux0rz.” (Because they sucked.) [LMAO at both the slang and the explanation.]"



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147728)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 5:25 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

"my eyes would scan the lunchroom like a T-1000"

Now this, folks, is writing

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38147931)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:37 PM
Author: anal sex



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148661)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 7:46 PM
Author: faggy retard (uspo)

This is fucking awful

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148493)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 7:55 PM
Author: prince

a lot to unpack here.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148522)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:28 PM
Author: Sporting Events

This is amazing, I can’t wait for more

How many chapters of this preposterous bullshit can I look forward to?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148619)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:32 PM
Author: animeboi

Not sure but i know chapter 32 is a exegesis on how the syndicated TV series Small Wonder was an allegory for Global Warming.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148640)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:39 PM
Author: Sporting Events

Flame?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148669)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 11:44 PM
Author: King Stannis

something tells me ur not flaming

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149451)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:42 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

39 chapters. We're about 10% through.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148685)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 7:44 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: CHAPTER 2 Part 2

-Joining the Sixers is like joining the military, Wade explains. In return for signing an ironclad to hand over the OASIS to your employer, Sixers get a paycheck, food, housing, health care, and a retirement plan. You also get a ton of sick gear in-game. IOI doesn't sound that bad, really.

-Sixers are humorous in their commitment to being corporate drones. Their avatars all have identical body types, hairstyles, and uniforms. They are hated by all other gunters, and their avatars are always attacked if they venture into PVP zones (there are also "Eighty-Six the Sux0rz" contests where gunter clans compete to raise their body count).

-After a few minutes on the forums, Wade visits his favorite blog, Arty's Missives, written by a user named Art3mis (which he helpfully notes is "pronounced 'Artemis'"):

"I’d discovered it about three years ago and had been a loyal reader ever since. She posted these great rambling essays about her search for Halliday’s egg, which she called a 'maddening MacGuffin hunt.' [The egg actually isn't a MacGuffin. MacGuffins are irrelevant objects that simply justify a plot, like 'secret intelligence' in a spy movie or the briefcase in Pulp Fiction. But the Egg and its nature actually are central to the entire quest.] She wrote with an endearing, intelligent voice, and her

entries were filled with self-deprecating humor and witty, sardonic asides [Cline gives no examples of this intelligent voice or witty self-deprecating humor]. In addition to posting her (often hysterical) interpretations of passages in the Almanac, she also linked to the books, movies, TV shows, and music she was currently studying as part of her Halliday research. I assumed that all of these posts were filled with misdirection and misinformation, but they were still highly entertaining [show, don't tell!]. It probably goes without saying that I had a massive cyber-crush on Art3mis."

-Wade un-subtly states that he downloads Art3mis's pics to jerk off to them: "She occasionally posted screenshots of her raven-haired avatar, and I sometimes (always) saved them to a folder on my hard drive."

-Interestingly, Wade finds her super-hot even though her avatar doesn't sound conventionally attractive. Actually, if you try to imagine her based on the description, she sounds fat and weird-looking:

"In the OASIS, you got used to seeing freakishly beautiful faces on everyone. But Art3mis’s features didn’t look as though they’d been selected from a beauty drop-down menu on some avatar creation template. Her face had the distinctive look of a real person’s, as if her true features had been scanned in and mapped onto her avatar. Big hazel eyes, rounded cheekbones, a pointy chin, and a perpetual smirk [what, does she have Dreamworks face?]. I found her unbearably attractive.

"Art3mis’s body was also somewhat unusual. In the OASIS, you usually saw one of two body shapes on female avatars: the absurdly thin yet wildly popular supermodel frame, or the top-heavy, wasp-waisted porn starlet physique (which looked even less natural in the OASIS than it did in the real world). But Art3mis’s frame was short and Rubenesque. All curves."

Two thoughts: Wade basically sounds like a "nice guy" on the Internet explaining how HE isn't shallow and can appreciate MORE than just the UNREALISTICALLY hot avatars. Also, I decided to look up Cline's wife, and you can probably guess her appearance: https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673cf/9ab833a4/warner-bros-pictures-world-premiere-of-ready-player-one-at-the-dolby-theatre-los-angeles-ca-usa-shutterstock-editorial-9478673cf.jpg

-"A lot of gunters even questioned whether she was really female, but I wasn’t one of them. Probably because I couldn’t bear the idea that the girl with whom I was virtually smitten might actually be some middle-aged dude named Chuck, with back hair and male-pattern baldness." FMA

-Somehow, Art3mis's personal blog is one of the most popular blogs on the planet, getting millions of hits every single day. Wade still doesn't supply any evidence of her humor, intelligence, or basic writing ability. He does hint at what the content is: Lists of things that she likes.

"Art3mis was now something of a celebrity, at least in gunter circles. But fame hadn’t gone to her head. Her writing was still as funny and self-deprecating as ever. Her newest blog post was titled 'The John Hughes Blues,' and it was an in-depth treatise on her six favorite John Hughes teen movies, which she divided into two separate trilogies: The 'Dorky Girl Fantasies' trilogy (Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, and Some Kind of Wonderful) and the 'Dorky Boy Fantasies' trilogy (The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)."

-Just as Wade finishes this thrilling article about John Hughes movies (he doesn't share any of the text), his friend "Aech" summons him to a chat room and the chapter ends.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148477)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:11 PM
Author: prince

lol @ that photo. grotesque human beings.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148570)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:53 PM
Author: anal sex

Savage takedown of bald Chucks, but holy shit @ that dude's white whale wife

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148714)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 9:31 PM
Author: Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?

So your review is ad hominems against chubby balding nerds?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148875)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 11:42 PM
Author: Fammi vedere quello che Chad t'ha fatto (C'est jamais trop grand s’il appartient à Chad!)

(Cline)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149437)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 29th, 2019 9:42 AM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker

she is reubensandwichesque

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159025)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 8:40 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: CHAPTER 3 Part 1

Chapter 3

-Wade enters a chat room, which in OASIS is literally a room, a standalone simulated environment distinct from the larger OASIS world (and thus free to enter without teleporting there). This room is called the Basement, and is hosted by Wade's best online friend, Aech (pronounce 'H'). The Basement, like everything else in this book, is straight from the 80s:

"He’d programmed it to look like a large suburban rec room, circa the late 1980s. Old movie and comic book posters covered the wood-paneled walls. A vintage RCA television stood in the center of the room, hooked up to a Betamax VCR, a LaserDisc player, and several vintage videogame consoles. Bookshelves lined the far wall, filled with role-playing game supplements and back issues of Dragon magazine ... I saw a few dozen other gunters milling around, with avatars that varied wildly in appearance. There were humans, cyborgs, demons, dark elves, Vulcans, and vampires. Most of them were gathered around the row of old arcade games against the wall. A few others stood by the ancient stereo (currently blasting “The Wild Boys” by Duran Duran), browsing through Aech’s giant rack of vintage cassette tapes."

-Hosting a huge chat room isn't free, but Aech can afford it since he's made a ton of money fighting in online PvP leagues. He is even more famous than Art3mis (who, recall, gets millions of hits PER DAY to her blog), and his chat room is an ELITE chat room open only to the best gunters.

-By his own admission, Wade has no money, a piss-weak avatar with no gear, and he doesn't even post much on the gunter forums. But somehow, Wade has access to Aech's elite chat room, and in fact is Aech's best friend:

"I’d known Aech for a little over three years. He was also a student on Ludus, a senior at OPS #1172, which was on the opposite side of the planet from my school. We’d met one weekend in a public gunter chat room and hit it off immediately, because we shared all of the same interests. Which is to say one interest: a total, all-consuming obsession with Halliday and his Easter egg. A few minutes into our first conversation, I knew Aech was the real deal, an elite gunter with some serious mental kung fu. He had his '80s trivia down cold, and not just the canon stuff, either. He was a true Halliday scholar. And he’d apparently seen the same qualities in me, because he’d given me his contact card and invited me to hang out in the Basement whenever I liked. He’d been my closest friend ever since."

This story would be kinda plausible in real life, but it's stranger in this book's universe. The egg hunt is a big deal. Literally MILLIONS of people are trying to find the egg and obsessively consume 80s culture as part of the hunt. Being really into the 80s isn't some exceptional shared interest to have. This feels like a random NFL fan being friends with Tom Brady because they both like football.

-Aech and Wade compete the same way real-life dorks do: By having lame conversations where they try to one-up each other on obscure trivia. They also conduct "research" together, which of course is actually just playing video games against each other, watching tons of old movies, and memorizing trivia, not organized "research" in any coherent sense. Aech is, according to Wade, the best all-around video gamer he's ever seen.

-Aech is far richer than Wade (at least in-OASIS), but doesn't loan him money or lord it over him: "It was an unspoken rule among gunters: If you were a solo, you didn’t want or need help, from anyone. Gunters who wanted help joined a clan, and Aech and I both agreed that clans were for suck-asses and poseurs."

-Aech and Wade have an excruciating nerdfight that really needs to be posted in its entirety:

"Starlog, eh?" I said, nodding my approval.

"Yep. Downloaded every single issue from the Hatchery’s archive. Still working my way through ’em. I was just reading this great piece on Ewoks: The Battle for Endor."

"Made for TV. Released in 1985," I recited. Star Wars trivia was one of my specialties [Oh, what a specialty!].

"Total garbage. A real low point in the history of the Wars."

"Says you, assface. It has some great moments."

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It doesn’t. It’s even worse than that first Ewok flick, Caravan of Courage. They shoulda called it Caravan of Suck. [Ohhhhhhhh!]"

Aech rolled his eyes and went back to reading. He wasn’t going to take the bait. I eyed the magazine’s cover. “Hey, can I have a look at that when you’re done?”

He grinned. “Why? So you can read the article on Ladyhawke?”

“Maybe.”

“Man, you just love that crapburger, don’t you?”

“Blow me, Aech.”

“How many times have you seen that sapfest? I know you’ve made me sit through it at least twice.” He was baiting me now. He knew Ladyhawke was one of my guilty pleasures, and that I’d seen it over two dozen times [That's more than 48 hours spent JUST watching Ladyhawke].

“I was doing you a favor by making you watch it, noob,” I said [Why does an 80s-obsessed era use 2004 slang?]. I shoved a new cartridge into the Intellivision console and started up a single-player game of Astrosmash. “You’ll thank me one day. Wait and see. Ladyhawke is canon.”

“Canon” was the term we used to classify any movie, book, game, song, or TV show of which Halliday was known to have been a fan.

“Surely, you must be joking,” Aech said.

“No, I am not joking. And don’t call me Shirley." [OMG totally AMAZEBALLS reference!]

He lowered the magazine and leaned forward. “There is no way Halliday was a fan of Ladyhawke. I guarantee it.”

“Where’s your proof, dipshit?” I asked.

“The man had taste. That’s all the proof I need.”

“Then please explain to me why he owned Ladyhawke on both VHS and LaserDisc?” A list of all the films in Halliday’s collection at the time of his death was included in the appendices of Anorak’s Almanac. We both had the list memorized [Why not just create a searchable index? FFS you're in a computer].

“The guy was a billionaire! He owned millions of movies, most of which he probably never even watched! He had DVDs of Howard the Duck and Krull, too. That doesn’t mean he liked them, asshat. And it sure as hell doesn’t make them canon.”

“It’s not really up for debate, Homer,” I said. “Ladyhawke is an eighties classic.”

“It’s fucking lame, is what it is! The swords look like they were made out of tinfoil. And that soundtrack is epically lame. Full of synthesizers and shit. By the motherfucking Alan Parsons Project! Lame-o-rama! Beyond lame. Highlander II lame.”

“Hey!” I feigned hurling my Intellivision controller at him. “Now you’re just being insulting! Ladyhawke’s cast alone makes the film canon! Roy Batty! Ferris Bueller! And the dude who played Professor Falken in WarGames!” I searched my memory for the actor’s name. “John Wood! Reunited with Matthew Broderick!”

“A real low point in both of their careers,” he said, laughing. He loved arguing about old movies, even more than I did. The other gunters in the chat room were now starting to form a small crowd around us to listen in. Our arguments were often high in entertainment value. [Yeah, people love to watch other people have retarded nerdfights]

“You must be stoned!” I shouted. “Ladyhawke was directed by Richard fucking Donner! The Goonies? Superman: The Movie? You’re saying that guy sucks?”

“I don’t care if Spielberg directed it. It’s a chick flick disguised as a sword-and-sorcery picture. The only genre film with less balls is probably … freakin’ Legend. Anyone who actually enjoys Ladyhawke is a bona fide USDA-choice pussy!” [Ohhhhhhhh!]

Laughter from the peanut gallery. I was actually getting a little pissed off now. I was a big fan of Legend too, and Aech knew it.

“Oh, so I’m a pussy? You’re the one with the Ewok fetish!” I snatched the Starlog out of his hands and threw it against a Revenge of the Jedi poster on the wall. “I suppose you think your extensive knowledge of Ewok culture is gonna help you find the egg?”



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38148680)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 10:47 PM
Author: anal sex

That nerdfight gave me an aneurysm

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149198)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 11:34 PM
Author: Sporting Events

Holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149409)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 11:35 PM
Author: Sporting Events

[double poast]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149416)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 12:34 AM
Author: chill im a nice person! i just hate everybody

[Yeah, people love to watch other people have retarded nerdfights]

10+ year xoer here, can confirm

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149567)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 2:24 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151200)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 29th, 2019 4:32 AM
Author: anal sex



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158309)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 29th, 2019 9:55 AM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159079)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 12:19 PM
Author: animeboi

literally could not finish reading this poast.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38150720)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 11:57 PM
Author: Hungry, forkless and losing patience.

At what point in the future are people going to start calling each other "asshats" again?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168266)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 10:52 PM
Author: Guy Debord

Didn't Mike Nelson from MST3K do a whole podcast about this (i.e., reading the book and making fun of it)?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149211)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 26th, 2019 11:42 PM
Author: SomeOtherGhost

That’s probs how he’s developing his material

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38149435)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 2:43 PM
Author: Well dressed WOC asking how much is a cup?

Very sad to see Charles devolve like this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151293)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 3:05 PM
Author: Sporting Events

kys tyia

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151408)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 3:49 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

No idea. I don’t listen to many podcasts and I don’t watch MST3K.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151588)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 4:25 PM
Author: .....................:......:::.......;...........


For some reason I liked this book but I wonder if it’s cuz I listened to it on audiobook. Seeing you type all this out makes me ashamed

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151737)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 4:41 PM
Author: vice writer (--->)

great thread chaz

not flame, actual 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151795)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 27th, 2019 4:56 PM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38151877)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 28th, 2019 12:36 PM
Author: Fammi vedere quello che Chad t'ha fatto (C'est jamais trop grand s’il appartient à Chad!)

Moar pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155008)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 28th, 2019 3:50 PM
Author: Sporting Events

*bangs dog food bowl on table*

MOAR MOAR MOAR

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155695)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 28th, 2019 5:48 PM
Author: anal sex



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38156181)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 28th, 2019 3:52 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Been volunteering this whole weekend. I can get back at it tomorrow.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155698)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 28th, 2019 3:57 PM
Author: Wilbur Mercer, the supreme gentleman (Crypto Musk Ox)

Unfuck your priorities

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38155707)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 28th, 2019 5:19 PM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38156084)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 29th, 2019 1:06 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 3 Part 2

-Wade and Aech's theatrical nerdfight is finally interrupted by an even more pathetic dork. He's pathetic, you see, because unlike REAL nerds, he can't rattle off tons of trivia on demand:

"Just then, a new arrival materialized on the staircase. A total lamer by the name of I-r0k. I let out a groan. I-r0k and Aech attended the same school and had a few classes together, but I still couldn’t figure out why Aech had granted him access to the Basement. I-r0k fancied himself an elite gunter, but he was nothing but an obnoxious poseur [yes that's the word he uses]. Sure, he did a lot of teleporting around the OASIS, completing quests and leveling up his avatar, but he didn’t actually know anything. And he was always brandishing an oversize plasma rifle the size of a snowmobile. Even in chat rooms, where it was totally pointless. The guy had no sense of decorum."

-I-r0k mocks Wade by calling him "Penisville" over and over, apparently as a riff on his avatar name of Parzival. He also mocks him as "Captain No-Credits" because Wade has to panhandle for change just to travel off-planet and perform a few basic quests. Wade hits back by calling I-r0k an "ignorant know-nothing twink." Sick burn! There's only one way to resolve the fight, by having an EVEN DUMBER nerdfight than the last one:

I-r0k glared at us a moment. “OK. Let’s see who the real poseur is,” he said. “Check this out, girls.” Grinning, he produced an item from his inventory and held it up. It was an old Atari 2600 game, still in the box. He purposefully covered the game’s title with his hand, but I recognized the cover artwork anyway. It was a painting of a young man and woman in ancient Greek attire, both brandishing swords. Lurking behind them were a minotaur and a bearded guy with an eye patch. “Know what this is, hotshot?” I-r0k said, challenging me. “I’ll even give you a clue.… It’s an Atari game, released as part of a contest. It contained

several puzzles, and if you solved them, you could win a prize. Sound familiar?”

I-r0k was always trying to impress us with some clue or piece of Halliday lore he foolishly believed he’d been the first to uncover. Gunters loved to play the game of one-upmanship and were constantly trying to prove they had acquired more obscure knowledge than everyone else. But I-r0k totally sucked at it.

“You’re joking, right?” I said. “You just now discovered the Swordquest series?”

I-r0k deflated.

“You’re holding Swordquest: Earthworld,” I continued. “The first game in the Swordquest series. Released in 1982.” I smiled wide. “Can you name the next three games in the series?”

His eyes narrowed. He was, of course, stumped. Like I said, he was a total poseur [Cline is using this word a painfully high number of times]. “Anyone else?” I said, opening the question up to the floor. The gunters in the crowd eyed each other, but no one spoke up.

“Fireworld, Waterworld, and Airworld,” Aech answered.

“Bingo!” I said, and we bumped fists again. “Although Airworld was never actually finished, because Atari fell on hard times and canceled the contest before it was completed.”

I-r0k quietly put the game box back in his inventory.

“You should join up with the Sux0rz, I-r0k,” Aech said, laughing. “They could really use someone with your vast stores of knowledge.”

I-r0k flipped him the bird. “If you two fags already knew about the Swordquest contest, how come I’ve never once heard you mention it?”

“Come on, I-r0k,” Aech said, shaking his head. “Swordquest: Earthworld was Atari’s unofficial sequel to Adventure. Every gunter worth their salt knows about that contest. How much more obvious can you get?”

I-r0k tried to save some face. “OK, if you’re both such experts, who programmed all of the Swordquest games?”

“Dan Hitchens and Tod Frye,” I recited. “Try asking me something difficult.”

“I got one for you,” Aech interjected. “What were the prizes Atari gave out to the winner of each contest?”

“Ah,” I said. “Good one. Let’s see.… The prize for the Earthworld contest was the Talisman of Penultimate Truth. It was solid gold and encrusted with diamonds. The kid who won it melted it down to pay for college, as I recall.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aech prodded. “Quit stalling. What about the other two?”

“I’m not stalling. The Fireworld prize was the Chalice of Light, and the Waterworld prize was supposed to be the Crown of Life, but it was never awarded, due to the cancellation of the contest. Same goes for the Airworld prize, which was supposed to be a Philosopher’s Stone.”

Aech grinned and gave me a double high five, then added, “And if the contest hadn’t been canceled, the winners of the first four rounds would have competed for the grand prize, the Sword of Ultimate Sorcery.”

I nodded. “The prizes were all mentioned in the Swordquest comic books that came with the games. Comic books which happen to be visible in the treasure room in the final scene of Anorak’s Invitation, by the way.”

The crowd burst into applause. I-r0k lowered his head in shame." [And that gunter's name was Albert Einstein]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158035)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 1:17 AM
Author: King Stannis



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158068)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 1:40 AM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

LMAO this book sounds horrible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158110)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:53 PM
Author: les paul



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216613)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 2:10 AM
Author: anal sex

Started legit lol'ing at 'The crowd burst into applause'

these 'writers' need to be culled

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158171)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 4:31 AM
Author: vice writer (πŸ‘)

good god

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158307)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:28 AM
Author: Sporting Events

lol hooly shit this is bad

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158672)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:34 AM
Author: Cock McStuffins

This is worse than I remembered

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158696)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:48 AM
Author: animeboi

Again literally could not get through the nerdfight.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38158774)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 10:01 AM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker

this guy is a monster

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159113)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 10:23 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

lmao he sure pwned that poseur

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38159197)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 2:38 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

it sounds like in this book, you become a hero by reading "list of atari 2600" games on wikipedia until all the links are purple. also, it was positively reviewed by NPR.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38160503)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 29th, 2019 2:54 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

-Actually, we still have a tiny sliver of Chapter 3 left. After getting humiliated for not knowing enough about Atari games, I-r0k walks off in a huff after boasting that unlike Wade and Aech, he spends more time offline getting laid. Some things never change.

-Wade asks Aech why he allows such a huge loser into his otherwise-elite gunter chat room; Aech says he figures I-r0k is typical for gunters, and knowing the typical gunter is so pathetic allows him to sustain the dream that solos like him and Wade can someday win the contest. Oh, and also "because he’s fun to beat at videogames.

-Chapter 4 now begins for real, with Wade heading back to his virtual school for World History class. Wade's teacher has a classic professor look, being a portly bearded man in a tweed jacket, but Wade doesn't know if that's his real look or simply the one he uses to make the kids pay attention: "For all we knew, he could have been a small Inuit woman living in Anchorage, Alaska."

-Wade mentions that OASIS teachers seem to enjoy teaching far more than IRL teachers, since they don't have to spend half their time as "babysitters and disciplinarians." This seems fair, though he doesn't engage with the STRUCTURAL RACISM that causes students to act out in real life. Shameful!

-Wade describes how OASIS school is also better because lessons can be more exciting. The world history class, for instance, can show a detailed simulation of Ancient Egypt. Biology includes a trip through the human heart, "just like in that old movie Fantastic Voyage" (HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THAT MOVIE?). Astronomy visits Jupiter's moons. Art class features a virtual tour of the Louvre "while all of our avatars wore silly berets."

-Having describe virtual school, Wade spends the rest of the chapter info-dumping about OASIS itself. First, he describes travel: The main way OASIS makes money is by charging you for travel. You can teleport for a fee, or else you can get your own vehicle (which in turn will require fuel). In permanent 80s goonworld, many students have vehicles and of course they are all references to movies and shows that Cline likes:

"A lot of kids owned their own interplanetary vehicles. School parking lots all over Ludus were filled with UFOs, TIE fighters, old NASA space shuttles, Vipers from Battlestar Galactica, and other spacecraft designs lifted from every sci-fi movie and TV show you can think of. Every afternoon I would stand on the school’s front lawn and watch with envy as these ships filled the sky, zooming off to explore the simulation’s endless possibilities. The kids who didn’t own ships would either hitch a ride with a friend or stampede to the nearest transport terminal, headed for some offworld dance club, gaming arena, or rock concert. But not me. I wasn’t going anywhere. I was stranded on Ludus, the most boring planet in the entire OASIS."

Once again, this seems to clash with the worldbuilding. In the real world, Wade's lot in life is terrible but also typical. He has enough food to get fat, which apparently makes him rather fortunate, and North America is still better off than shitholes in Asia or Africa. But then, in school, he's still the poorest loser of them all, enviously watching while cool jocks fly around in TIE Fighters. How does this make sense? Shouldn't loads of students be similarly poor?

-After describing transportation, Wade describes the scale of OASIS. When it launched, it contained several hundred planets, all made by GSS designers but since then it has grown to many thousands. Some planets are D&D fantasy realms, some are sci-fi, some are postapocalyptic. Some worlds are PvP, and some are pacifist with no combat allowed. Some worlds allow magic, others allow super-advanced technology, some allow both, and some neither. Most worlds contain hundreds or thousands of NPCs, from humans to monsters to wild animals. And of course, there are a gazillions licensed locations, a good opportunity for Cline to rattle off another list of things that he likes: "GSS had also licensed preexisting virtual worlds from their competitors, so content that had already been created for games like Everquest and World of Warcraft was ported over to the OASIS, and copies of Norrath and Azeroth were added to the growing catalog of OASIS planets. Other virtual worlds soon followed suit, from the Metaverse to the Matrix. The Firefly universe was anchored in a sector adjacent to the Star Wars galaxy, with a detailed re-creation of the Star Trek universe in the sector adjacent to that. Users could now teleport back and forth between their favorite fictional worlds. Middle Earth. Vulcan. Pern. Arrakis. Magrathea. Discworld, Mid-World, Riverworld, Ringworld. Worlds upon worlds."

-Overall, there are 27 "sectors" of worlds, each holding hundreds of planets: "The three-dimensional map of all twenty-seven sectors distinctly resembled an '80s puzzle toy called a Rubik’s Cube. Like most gunters, I knew this was no coincidence."

-All of this worldbuilding is just for our edification, though. Wade, despite his great access to food, is the poorest user in OASIS, stuck on Ludus and unable to leave. Ludus, as a place of learning, has no quest portals, no NPCs, and no enemies to level up against. You can't even kill animals for experience. In five years, Wade has only managed to get his avatar to level 3, by occasionally bumming a ride to a low-level planet where he can kill super-easy enemies for experience.

-We get even more worldbuilding that simultaneously muddles the worldbuilding between OASIS and reality:

"Having a third-level avatar was a colossal embarrassment. None of the other gunters took you seriously unless you were at least tenth level. Even though I’d been a gunter since day one, everyone still considered me a noob [more unironic leet-speak!]. It was beyond frustrating.

"In desperation, I’d tried to find a part-time after-school job, just to earn some walking-around money. I applied for dozens of tech support and programming jobs (mostly grunt construction work, coding parts of OASIS malls and office buildings [is this literally like doing construction work inside a game? It definitely sounds like it]), but it was completely hopeless. Millions of college-educated adults couldn’t get one of those jobs. The Great Recession was now entering its third decade, and unemployment was still at a record high. Even the fast-food joints in my neighborhood had a two-year waiting list for job applicants."

Once again, this raises more questions than it answers. How is Wade so exceptionally poor inside the OASIS, if in the real world everybody is struggling and it's incredibly difficult even for college graduates to get jobs? How would a fast-food restaurant have a "waiting list" for job applicants? Wouldn't they just hire the best candidate no matter what? How often do those fast-food joints have vacancies anyway; if jobs are as precious as Wade describes, wouldn't turnover be extremely low everywhere? And in a world with chronic food shortages and literal ration vouchers, would there really be "fast-food joints" at all, let alone in the high-crime shithole Wade lives in?

Also, assuming that in RPO's world the 2008 recession became a permanent one, it would now be in its FOURTH decade, not its third. Wade (or Cline) is getting his math off.

-However valid the explanation, Wade is stuck: "I felt like a kid standing in the world’s greatest video arcade without any quarters, unable to do anything but walk around and watch the other kids play."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38160574)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 5:58 PM
Author: anal sex

ty for ur service

I'm mostly loling here at the attempts to handwave a complex economy into existence without first studying any of the ludicrously complex mmo economies that are out there on free mmos. inexcusably lazy writing

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38161526)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:09 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 5

Chapter 5

-After his lunch break (which still happens in virtual school) Wade goes to his favorite class, a senior elective named "Advanced OASIS Studies." You might think that, with the importance of OASIS to the world's economy, this would be a technical class about how the OASIS works and how to program for it. But nope, it's just a class about the history of the OASIS and its creators, like if your high school offered a class about the life of Steve Jobs. You know what that means: More info-dumping.

"For the past five years, I’d devoted all of my free time to learning as much as I possibly could about James Halliday. I’d exhaustively studied his life, accomplishments, and interests. Over a dozen different Halliday biographies had been published in the years since his death, and I’d read them all. Several documentary films had also been made about him, and I’d studied those, too. I’d studied every word Halliday had ever written, and I’d played every videogame he’d ever made. I took notes, writing down every detail I thought might be related to the Hunt. I kept everything in a notebook (which I’d started to call my “grail diary” after watching the third Indiana Jones film) [Oh boy another reference!].

"The more I’d learned about Halliday’s life, the more I’d grown to idolize him [keep in mind, he's saying this about an autistic recluse with no friends]. He was a god among geeks, a nerd über-deity on the level of Gygax, Garriott, and Gates. He’d left home after high school with nothing but his wits and his imagination, and he’d used them to attain worldwide fame and amass a vast fortune. He’d created an entirely new reality that now provided an escape for most of humanity. And to top it all off, he’d turned his last will and testament into the greatest videogame contest of all time."

-Wade reveals that he's just as obnoxious in class as he is in chat rooms:

"I spent most of my time in Advanced OASIS Studies class annoying our teacher, Mr. Ciders, by pointing out errors in our textbook and raising my hand to interject some relevant bit of Halliday trivia that I (and I alone) thought was interesting. After the first few weeks of class, Mr. Ciders had stopped calling on me unless no one else knew the answer to his question.

"Today, he was reading excerpts from The Egg Man, a bestselling Halliday biography that I’d already read four times. During his lecture, I kept having to resist the urge to interrupt him and point out all of the really important details the book left out. Instead, I just made a mental note of each omission."

-The rest of the chapter is simply the history of Halliday and the OASIS. Basically, Halliday was your standard aspie dork, who had no friends and did badly in school because he was exclusively obsessed with video games, comics, sci-fi novels, D&D, etc. He finally made his first friends in middle school when he joined a D&D group that included his future business partner, Ogden Marrow. By high school, Halliday was a talented game designer. In the 90s, Halliday and Marrow open a successful game design company. Once again, there's a lot of telling rather than showing: "Gregarious Games set a new standard for immersive gaming, and every time they released a new title, it pushed the envelope of what seemed possible on the computer hardware available at the time."

-What was Halliday's secret? Apparently, it was that he was a poster:

"People employed by Gregarious Games during this period say that Halliday frequently locked himself in his office, where he programmed incessantly, often going without food, sleep, or human contact for days or even weeks.

"On the few occasions that Halliday agreed to do interviews, his behavior came off as bizarre, even by game-designer standards. He was hyperkinetic, aloof, and so socially inept that the interviewers often came away with the impression he was mentally ill. Halliday tended to speak so rapidly that his words were often unintelligible, and he had a disturbing high-pitched laugh, made even more so because he was usually the only one who knew what he was laughing about. When Halliday got bored during an interview (or conversation), he would usually get up and walk out without saying a word."

-Wade helpfully explains that Halliday maybe, just maybe, was on the spectrum: "(Several exhaustive psychological studies were done on Halliday following his death, and his obsessive adherence to routine and preoccupation with a few obscure areas of interest led many psychologists to conclude that Halliday had suffered from Asperger’s syndrome, or from some other form of high-functioning autism.)"

-Gregarious Games is a huge success. Marrow buys a Lamborghini and travels the world, but Halliday becomes a recluse, staying glued to a computer and amassing the world's largest collection of action figures, lunch boxes, comics, and so forth.

-Then, in the early 2000s, the company falls dormant for years, without any news. In 2012, with almost no prior warning, the OASIS VR system is launched. Wade takes a moment to explain the OASIS's gear. It basically amounts to "really good lightweight VR goggles" plus "haptic gloves," which provide force feedback to your hands, allowing you to feel the things you touch in the OASIS.

-You'd think the appeal of OASIS would be fairly obvious by now, but Wade still takes the time to explain it: " You could log in and instantly escape the drudgery of your day-to-day life. You could create an entirely new persona for yourself, with complete control over how you looked and sounded to others. In the OASIS, the fat could become thin, the ugly could become beautiful, and the shy, extroverted. Or vice versa. You could change your name, age, sex, race, height, weight, voice, hair color, and bone structure. Or you could cease being human altogether, and become an elf, ogre, alien, or any other creature from literature, movies, or mythology."

-OASIS isn't just popular. It rapidly helps remake society:

"At a time of drastic social and cultural upheaval, when most of the world’s population longed for an escape from reality, the OASIS provided it, in a form that was cheap, legal, safe, and not (medically proven to be) addictive [LOL, yeah fucking right]. The ongoing energy crisis contributed greatly to the OASIS’s runaway popularity. The skyrocketing cost of oil made airline and automobile travel too expensive for the average citizen, and the OASIS became the only getaway most people could afford. As the era of cheap, abundant energy drew to a close, poverty and unrest began to spread like a virus. Every day, more and more people had reason to seek solace inside Halliday and Morrow’s virtual utopia.

"Any business that wanted to set up shop inside the OASIS had to rent or purchase virtual real estate (which Morrow dubbed “surreal estate”) from GSS. Anticipating this, the company had set aside Sector One as the simulation’s designated business zone and began to sell and rent millions of blocks of surreal estate there. City-sized shopping malls were erected in the blink of an eye, and storefronts spread across planets like time-lapse footage of mold devouring an orange. Urban development had never been so easy.

"In addition to the billions of dollars that GSS raked in selling land that didn’t actually exist, they made a killing selling virtual objects and vehicles. The OASIS became such an integral part of people’s day-to-day social lives that users were more than willing to shell out real money to buy accessories for their avatars: clothing, furniture, houses, flying cars, magic swords and machine guns. These items were nothing but ones and zeros stored on the OASIS servers, but they were also status symbols. Most items only cost a few credits, but since they cost nothing for GSS to manufacture, it was all profit. Even in the throes of an ongoing economic recession, the OASIS allowed Americans to continue engaging in their favorite pastime: shopping.

"The OASIS quickly became the single most popular use for the Internet, so much so that the terms “OASIS” and “Internet” gradually became synonymous. And the incredibly easy-to-use three-dimensional OASIS OS, which GSS gave away for free, became the single most popular computer operating system in the world.

"Before long, billions of people around the world were working and playing in the OASIS every day. Some of them met, fell in love, and got married without ever setting foot on the same continent. The lines of distinction between a person’s real identity and that of their avatar began to blur.

"It was the dawn of new era, one where most of the human race now spent all of their free time inside a videogame."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162015)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 29th, 2019 8:18 PM
Author: EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!

Does he mention if they can fuck each other in the oasis or how that works?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162069)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 29th, 2019 9:32 PM
Author: 100%Diverse LiberalPoliceState

I've read this trash, and can tell you that this does come up. There's definitely a bit later on where he essentially fucks blow up dolls, but I don't think he gets laid online.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162507)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 9:47 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

With the standard equipment it seems like at best you’d get really immersive porn mixed with phone sex. Perhaps the wealthy can buy full-body haptic equipment to make the experience more realistic though.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162557)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:20 PM
Author: animeboi

"Halliday becomes a recluse, staying glued to a computer and amassing the world's largest collection of action figures, lunch boxes, comics, and so forth."

The thing is, actual technical people who are into programming and creating things don't go for this prole collecting shit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162081)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:48 PM
Author: N904PD

There’s a Hillbilly Elegy angle - JD Halliday is from Middletown...

“James Donovan Halliday was born on June 12, 1972, in Middletown, Ohio.”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162266)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 9:43 PM
Author: King Stannis

https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/decentraland/

"Any business that wanted to set up shop inside the OASIS had to rent or purchase virtual real estate (which Morrow dubbed “surreal estate”) from GSS. Anticipating this, the company had set aside Sector One as the simulation’s designated business zone and began to sell and rent millions of blocks of surreal estate there. City-sized shopping malls were erected in the blink of an eye, and storefronts spread across planets like time-lapse footage of mold devouring an orange. Urban development had never been so easy.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162542)



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Date: April 29th, 2019 8:30 PM
Author: acoustic thugicide (πŸ…)

2397846298374, i demand charles forego dating until we have eviscerated this awful dreck together

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38162142)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 8:28 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38164154)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 9:30 AM
Author: Fammi vedere quello che Chad t'ha fatto (C'est jamais trop grand s’il appartient à Chad!)

holy fuck this is amazing

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38164289)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 8:21 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 6 Part 1

Chapter 6

-This chapter probably has the most cringeworthy page in the entire book, so keep reading.

-Following his OASIS history class, Wade goes to his last class of the day, Latin. He takes that, instead of a more practical language like Spanish or Mandarin, because Halliday also took Latin and occasionally incorporated the language into his games.

-Wade finds today's class boring, so he uses a bug exploit to start browsing Anorak's Almanac rather than pay attention. Unlike most gunters, Wade actually has a real-life physical copy of the Almanac, printed using an old laser printer.

And then...Wade describes his commitment to learning the contents of the book. I'll post the whole thing here, and then have some commentary in the next post:

"The Almanac contained thousands of references to Halliday’s favorite books, TV shows, movies, songs, graphic novels, and videogames. Most of these items were over forty years old, and so free digital copies of them could be downloaded from the OASIS. If there was something I needed that wasn’t legally available for free, I could almost always get it by using Guntorrent, a file-sharing program used by gunters around the world. [Why do gunters need their own special file-sharing program? It's just books and movies and shit]

"When it came to my research, I never took any shortcuts. Over the past five years, I’d worked my way down the entire recommended gunter reading list. Douglas Adams. Kurt Vonnegut. Neal Stephenson. Richard K. Morgan. Stephen King. Orson Scott Card. Terry Pratchett. Terry Brooks. Bester, Bradbury, Haldeman, Heinlein, Tolkien, Vance, Gibson, Gaiman, Sterling, Moorcock, Scalzi, Zelazny. I read every novel by every single one of Halliday’s favorite authors.

"And I didn’t stop there.

"I also watched every single film he referenced in the Almanac. If it was one of Halliday’s favorites, like WarGames, Ghostbusters, Real Genius, Better Off Dead, or Revenge of the Nerds, I rewatched it until I knew every scene by heart.

"I devoured each of what Halliday referred to as “The Holy Trilogies”: Star Wars (original and prequel trilogies, in that order), Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, Mad Max, Back to the Future, and Indiana Jones. (Halliday once said that he preferred to pretend the other Indiana Jones films, from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull onward, didn’t exist. I tended to agree.) I also absorbed the complete filmographies of each of his favorite directors. Cameron, Gilliam, Jackson, Fincher, Kubrick, Lucas, Spielberg, Del Toro, Tarantino. And, of course, Kevin Smith.

"I spent three months studying every John Hughes teen movie and memorizing all the key lines of dialogue.

"Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.

"You could say I covered all the bases.

"I studied Monty Python. And not just Holy Grail, either. Every single one of their films, albums, and books, and every episode of the original BBC series. (Including those two “lost” episodes they did for German television.)

"I wasn’t going to cut any corners.

"I wasn’t going to miss something obvious.

"Somewhere along the way, I started to go overboard.

"I may, in fact, have started to go a little insane.

"I watched every episode of The Greatest American Hero, Airwolf, The A-Team, Knight Rider, Misfits of Science, and The Muppet Show.

"What about The Simpsons, you ask?

"I knew more about Springfield than I knew about my own city.

"Star Trek? Oh, I did my homework. TOS, TNG, DS9. Even Voyager and Enterprise. I watched them all in chronological order. The movies, too. Phasers locked on target.

"I gave myself a crash course in ’80s Saturday-morning cartoons.

"I learned the name of every last goddamn Gobot and Transformer.

"Land of the Lost, Thundarr the Barbarian, He-Man, Schoolhouse Rock!, G.I. Joe—I knew them all. Because knowing is half the battle.

"Who was my friend, when things got rough? H.R. Pufnstuf.

"Japan? Did I cover Japan?

"Yes. Yes indeed. Anime and live-action. Godzilla, Gamera, Star Blazers, The Space Giants, and G-Force. Go, Speed Racer, Go.

"I wasn’t some dilettante.

"I wasn’t screwing around.

"I memorized every last Bill Hicks stand-up routine.

"Music? Well, covering all the music wasn’t easy.

"It took some time.

"The ’80s was a long decade (ten whole years), and Halliday didn’t seem to have had very discerning taste. He listened to everything. So I did too. Pop, rock, new wave, punk, heavy metal. From the Police to Journey to R.E.M. to the Clash. I tackled it all.

"I burned through the entire They Might Be Giants discography in under two weeks. Devo took a little longer. [Devo only had 17 total albums, studio and live. Would it take that long?]

"I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing ’80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn’t part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend [Haha so random!].

"I memorized lyrics. Silly lyrics, by bands with names like Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, and Pink Floyd.

"I kept at it.

"I burned the midnight oil.

"Did you know that Midnight Oil was an Australian band, with a 1987 hit titled “Beds Are Burning”? [haha I like this line because I understand the reference!]

"I was obsessed. I wouldn’t quit. My grades suffered. I didn’t care.

"I read every issue of every comic book title Halliday had ever collected.

"I wasn’t going to have anyone questioning my commitment.

"Especially when it came to the videogames.

"Videogames were my area of expertise.

"My double-weapon specialization.

"My dream Jeopardy! category.

"I downloaded every game mentioned or referenced in the Almanac, from Akalabeth to Zaxxon. I played each title until I had mastered it, then moved on to the next one.

"You’d be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever. Twelve hours a day, seven days a week, is a lot of study time.

"I worked my way through every videogame genre and platform. Classic arcade coin-ops, home computer, console, and handheld. Text-based adventures, first-person shooters, thirdperson RPGs. Ancient 8-, 16-, and 32-bit classics written in the previous century. The harder a game was to beat, the more I enjoyed it. And as I played these ancient digital relics, night after night, year after year, I discovered I had a talent for them. I could master most action titles in a few hours, and there wasn’t an adventure or role-playing game I couldn’t solve. I never needed any walkthroughs or cheat codes. Everything just clicked. And I was even better at the old arcade games. When I was in the zone on a high-speed classic like Defender, I felt like a hawk in flight, or the way I thought a shark must feel as it cruises the ocean floor. For the first time, I knew what it was to be a natural at something. To have a gift.

"But it wasn’t my research into old movies, comics, or videogames that had yielded my first real clue. That had come while I was studying the history of old pen-and-paper roleplaying games."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167143)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 8:43 PM
Author: animeboi

To repeat my previous comment: technical people who actually create things don't have the time or inclination to follow all this prole shit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167237)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 9:07 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Okay, let's break this down. Wade, by his own admission, has no life. He's worked on Halliday's egg 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the past 5 years. If we take him at his word, that's 21,900 hours.

I decided to tally up all the things Wade mentioned in that screed plus what I can remember him alluding to earlier in the book.

-He mentions reading EVERY novel by Halliday's favorite authors. Assuming that means all the authors he named, that actually adds up to about 540(!) novels. Guys like Stephen King, Orson Scott Card, and Michael Moorcock have all written more than 50. Some of those books are extremely long, too; Neal Stephenson only has 16 novels but many of them are thousand-page monsters. Along with those 540 novels, Wade has read at least 8 Monty Python books (by my calculation) plus at least 13 Halliday biographies (one of which he's read multiple times). And, of course, he's virtually memorized the thousand-page Anorak's Almanac itself. That's 565 books! And that's assuming NOBODY outside of the listed authors. No Philip Dick, no Robert Jordan, no Glen Cook, no Isaac Asimov, no Arthur C. Clarke, etc.

-He explicitly mentions watching five movies so many times that he memorized all the dialogue. I'll be generous and assume ten watches is enough for Wade to permanently memorize them all. Combined with his at least two-dozen watches for Ladyhawke, and that's 74 film watches. He also mentions memorizing all of John Hughes' teen movies. He's mentioned six of them, so if I average ten watches for each of those, that goes up to 134. Add in the complete filmographies of the listed directors, plus the trilogies, 28 Godzilla films (as-of the book's writing), 12 Gamera films, 13 Star Treks, 5 Monty Pythons, and a few other referenced films, and we're up to 345 film viewings, by my calculation. Again, this assumes ZERO interlopers outside of what's been mentioned.

-For television, all the episodes of the shows listed add up to 3,724 "half hour" show segments (counting hour-long shows as 2). Let's assume, generously, that without advertisements you can watch 3 segments an hour. That comes out to 1,241 hours of television. Again, assuming he didn't watch ANY shows besides the ones named.

-Wade never alludes to reading a specific comic book, but he does mention earlier that Halliday had one of the world's largest comics collections, and that he read the complete run of EVERY comic he collected. That almost certainly means he's reading thousands of issues, maybe tens of thousands. Batman alone has generated more than 2000 comic issues, for instance.

-Wade doesn't really list that many bands, but he does say he listened to essentially every sort of genre. How much music does that add up to? Unclear, but Wikipedia lists 350 major albums coming out in 1980 alone. Multiply that by 10 years and it comes out to 3500 albums. Wade probably isn't listening to ALL of them, but the reference to memorizing Pink Floyd and listening to all of Devo and They Might Be Giants indicates he's probably listening to a few albums from outside the 80's too. As such, listening to 3,000 albums is probably a good ballpark number. Let's be VERY generous and say they're a half-hour each; that's 1,500 hours of listening to music, assuming he NEVER repeats anything (laughably unlikely).

-And then there's video games. Wade calls this his specialty and suggests he played basically everything of note from the 20th century, from Pong to the Playstation. He's world-class at them and can apparently master them extremely quickly, but that's still hundreds of games, and even arcade classics take "a few hours" to master. RPGs, presumably, will take far longer.

So, in five years, Wade read 550+ books, watched 350+ movies, watched at least a thousand hours of television, read thousands of comic books, mastered hundreds if not thousands of video games, listened to thousand of albums (and memorized many lyrics), all while attending school, doing side hustles for money and food, reading Art3mis's blog, became best friends with Aech, reading a ton of gunter forums, and leveling his Avatar up to level 3 by grinding the weakest enemies. And he did all of this while having to charge up his OASIS using car batteries powered by a stationary bike.

I find this a little implausible.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167311)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 9:52 PM
Author: animeboi

u forgot learning assembly 2 program his Atari game (rite of passage)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167545)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 9:53 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Fuck, you’re right.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167554)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 11:50 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

Just learn to write coherent functioning code in 6507 machine language to run in 4K of RAM on a system unusually beholden to strict physical specs (notably, Atari 2600, and some other contemporary systems eg Colecovision, had no timing interrupts other than the TV scan line one and thus could only run at 50 or 60 hz).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168225)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 11:33 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

More research was put into writing this post than into writing the first six chapters of the book, combined

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168131)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 11:45 PM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168203)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 12:30 AM
Author: sealclubber

if you give up xoxo, you'll be surprised at what you can accomplish

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168408)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 1:46 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Another thought: While this book is clearly supposed to be all about the 80s, it's clearly actually just things that Cline himself personally likes, and it shines through the most with that list. Lord of the Rings isn't really 80s at all, nor is Quentin Tarantino or The Matrix or quite a few other listed things. Not only that, but certain major aspects of the 80s are completely missing, presumably because Cline, erm, I mean, Halliday didn't like them. For example, this book has zero discussion of 80s horror films, even though that was a very distinctive period for the genre, with the apogee of slasher films and a lot of other hit franchises. There's also no teen sex comedies like Porky's (unless you count Revenge of the Nerds), when those were a big deal then. Now, true, not EVERYTHING from the 80s needs to be in this book, but removing things that aren't remembered quite as well would help strengthen the theme and make it feel less like simply a list of things the author likes shoved into a book.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170496)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 2:12 PM
Author: animeboi

Wade's memories are probably based on the author's who was born in 1972 hence the early-80s bias with the things he does mention. If his parents were strict with his movie watching he probably missed out on the slasher and teen sex comedies and these are not genres worth going back to if you missed them (maybe a few exceptions).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170676)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 1:48 PM
Author: Whitechapel Fatberg



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170510)



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Date: May 1st, 2019 2:02 PM
Author: .,.,.,.,.,.,...,..,..,...,...,..,..,.,..


Gee, I wonder what's more pathetic, a shittily written book or the Reddit nerd who DID THE MATH for the benefit of a racist chatboard full of lawyers, on which he's a mini celebrity due to his involuntary celibacy.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170595)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 2:03 PM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

The shittily written book is more pathetic, hth

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170599)



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Date: May 1st, 2019 2:12 PM
Author: animeboi

titicr. The criticism is more entertaining than the book.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170680)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 2:17 PM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170719)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 2:19 PM
Author: Sporting Events

you're literally JJC, so not sure you're the "final arbiter" on how pathetic someone is

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170732)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 9:38 PM
Author: anal sex

how does he have twelve hours a day if he goes to school full time?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167453)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 9:51 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Because Cline is a hack who fucking forgot about that detail, obviously.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167532)



Reply Favorite

Date: April 30th, 2019 10:03 PM
Author: anal sex

incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38167597)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 12:21 AM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38168376)



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Date: May 1st, 2019 1:56 PM
Author: Sporting Events

"I watched a lot of YouTube videos of cute geeky girls playing ’80s cover tunes on ukuleles. Technically, this wasn’t part of my research, but I had a serious cute-geeky-girls-playing-ukuleles fetish that I can neither explain nor defend"

This sentence raised my blood pressure who fucking writes like this and how was this novel a hit JFC

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170565)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 2:07 PM
Author: weather (1997)

this is Redditese

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170628)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:32 AM
Author: Don Kihote



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179049)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 2:33 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 6 Part 2

-So after that astonishing list of things Cline likes, we return to the narrative. Wade describes the initial clues that Halliday included in Anorak's Almanac to help people find the Easter Egg. Initially, only this poem is found:

Three hidden keys open three secret gates

Wherein the errant will be tested for worthy traits

And those with the skill to survive these straits

Will reach The End where the prize awaits

-But after a few days, intrepid gunters like Wade notice something. Inside Anorak's Almanac a few letters have barely-visible notches. Assembling all the notched letters reveals a new poem:

The Copper Key awaits explorers

In a tomb filled with horrors

But you have much to learn

If you hope to earn

A place among the high scorers

-Implausibly, Wade says this secret clue managed to remain secret for a whole six months (though he and several others had found it), until some dipshit MIT freshman reveals it. His name was Steven Pendergast, so since then going public with a clue has been called "pulling a Pendergast."

-Despite Pendergast's boner, though, the quest stagnates. For four years, no progress is made at all. Nobody can decipher the limerick, not even massive clans or the gigantic megacorporation spending billions on an oology division.

-Wade, thanks to his intense dedication, is one of the only people to make any progress. The key is the second line: "In a tomb filled with horrors." Wade sees that line, and after a long time, makes a brilliant deduction:

"Taken at face value, it seemed to say that the key was hidden in a tomb somewhere, one filled with horrifying stuff. But then, during the course of my research, I discovered an old Dungeons & Dragons supplement called Tomb of Horrors, which had been published in 1978. From the moment I saw the title, I was certain the second line of the Limerick was a reference to it. Halliday and Morrow had played Advanced Dungeons & Dragons all through high school, along with several other pen-and-paper role-playing games, like GURPS, Champions, Car Wars, and Rolemaster.

Tomb of Horrors was a thin booklet called a “module.” It contained detailed maps and room-by-room descriptions of an underground labyrinth infested with undead monsters. D&D players could explore the labyrinth with their characters as the dungeon master read from the module and guided them through the story it contained, describing everything they saw and encountered along the way.

As I learned more about how these early role-playing games worked, I realized that a D&D module was the primitive equivalent of a quest in the OASIS. And D&D characters were just like avatars. In a way, these old role-playing games had been the first virtual-reality simulations, created long before computers were powerful enough to do the job. In those days, if you wanted to escape to another world, you had to create it yourself, using your brain, some paper, pencils, dice, and a few rule books. This realization kind of blew my mind. It changed my whole perspective on the Hunt for Halliday’s Easter egg. From then on, I began to think of the Hunt as an elaborate D&D module. And Halliday was obviously the dungeon master, even if he was now controlling the game from beyond the grave.

I found a digital copy of the sixty-seven-year-old Tomb of Horrors module buried deep in an ancient FTP archive. As I studied it, I began to develop a theory: Somewhere in the OASIS, Halliday had re-created the Tomb of Horrors, and he’d hidden the Copper Key inside it."

-BTW, Tomb of Horrors is considered one of the most important and famous D&D modules of all time and isn't obscure in the slightest to RPG fans. Now, granted, by 2040 knowledge of tabletop RPGs may have faded, but on the other hand, meeting other D&D fans was one of the most important experiences in Halliday's life and, as Chapter 5 explained, this is well-known and written about in his biographies. But nope, deduction that "a tomb full of horrors" refers to Tomb of Horrors is a reflection of Wade's world-class problem-solving abilities. Nobody else ever even mentions it as a theory:

"If any other gunters out there shared my interpretation of the Limerick, so far they’d been smart enough to keep quiet about it. I’d never seen any posts about the Tomb of Horrors on any gunter message boards. I realized, of course, that this might be because my theory about the old D&D module was completely lame and totally off base."

-That said, even making the Tomb of Horrors connection isn't enough. There are thousands of planets in the OASIS and the Tomb of Horrors re-creation could be on any of them. Wade can't plausibly search them all, and for that matter with no money he can't reach them easily either.

-Unable to do any brute-force searching, Wade fixates on the rest of the poem: "But you have much to learn/If you hope to earn/A place among the high scorers." Much to learn? What could that mean? And then finally, the solution hits Wade while he sits there in Latin class, and Chapter 6 ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170801)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 2:55 PM
Author: animeboi

A. Magic Archway: When the party examines this arch give

them ILLUSTRATION #5. and inform them that the stones

glow in these colors whenever any person comes within 3'

of the portal: lower left, OLIVE; keystone, RUSSET; lower

right, CITRON. No matter which stones are pressed in what

order, the archway remains clouded and veiled with a haze

which nothing can enable the onlookers to see through. All

living matter which goes through the arch will be teleported

to 3, while non-living matter is teleported simultaneously to

33, i.e. characters stepping through will appear at the start

totally nude, while everything else with them will go to the

crypt of the demi-lich (Cruel but most entertaining for the

DM . . .)

http://the-eye.eu/public/Site-Dumps/adambibby.ca/download/dnd/Advanced%20D%26D%20%28unsorted%29/S1%20-%20Tomb%20of%20Horror.pdf



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38170891)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:34 AM
Author: acoustic thugicide (πŸ…)

Why wasn’t it a vagina? That’s the real tomb of horrors. Were they not big in the 80s

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174911)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 1st, 2019 8:39 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 7

Chapter 7

-Wade is sitting bored in Latin class, watching his teacher conjugate verbs. That's dull enough to justify a HIP REFERENCE: "Whenever we were doing tedious verb conjugation, I always got the lyrics to an old Schoolhouse Rock! song stuck in my head: 'To run, to go, to get, to give. Verb! You’re what’s happenin’!'"

-To demonstrate the Latin verb "discere," or "to learn," the teacher writes the Latin sentence "Petimus scholam ut litteras discamus." She translates this as "We go to school to learn." Google translate suggests that's not quite right, but it could be a valid loose translation I suppose.

-And that's when it hits Wade "Like an anvil falling out of the sky, directly onto my skull": Who has much to learn? Students, obviously! He's on an entire planet of students. Not only that, but while the word Ludus means "school," it can also mean "game." The Tomb of Horrors must be hidden somewhere on Ludus!

-"I fell out of my folding chair and landed with a thud on the floor of my hideout. My OASIS console tracked this movement and attempted to make my avatar drop to the floor of my Latin classroom, but the classroom conduct software prevented it from moving and a warning flashed on my display: PLEASE REMAIN SEATED DURING CLASS!"

-As he thinks further, Wade thinks of more ways that Ludus is the perfect location: The Ludus school system was funded directly by Halliday to promote education, and the whole planet was designed internally at GSS: "The realizations continued to detonate in my brain like atomic bombs going off, one after another."

-The entrance to the Tomb of Horrors is a small hill with stones arranged to look like a skull. Wade downloads some terrain-scanner app that allows him to quickly search the entire surface of Ludus until he finds that exact entrance. This is an irritating plot point, because it implies that Wade really is one of the first people to make the Tomb of Horrors deduction. Even if there are thousands of planets, and you have to be on a planet to use the terrain-scanner, presumably major clans or the Sixers could do a brute-force search for the cave entrance. It would almost be better for the plot if the entrance were hidden and Wade found it by accident.

-As-is, the Tomb is still on the other side of Ludus. Wade considers running there, which in-game will take about 3 days. He can also teleport, but Wade is so poor he can't even teleport from one side of a planet to another. Then, he realizes a solution:

"Not only had I figured out a way to teleport to the other side of Ludus, I knew how to get my school to pay for it.

Each OASIS public school had a bunch of different athletic teams, including wrestling, soccer, football, baseball, volleyball, and a few other sports that couldn’t be played in the real world, like Quidditch and zero-gravity Capture the Flag. Students went out for these teams just like they did at schools in the real world, and they played using elaborate sportscapable haptic rigs that required them to actually do all of their own running, jumping, kicking, tackling, and so on. The teams had nightly practice, held pep rallies, and traveled to other schools on Ludus to compete against them. Our school gave out free teleportation vouchers to any student who wanted to attend an away game, so we could sit up in the stands and root for old OPS #1873. I’d only taken advantage of this once, when our Capture the Flag team had played against Aech’s school in the OPS championships.

When I arrived in the school office, I scanned the activities schedule and found what I was looking for right away. That evening, our football team was playing an away game against OPS #0571, which was located roughly an hour’s run from the forest where the tomb was hidden."

-Wade heads to a teleportation booth ("Their shape and color always reminded me of Doctor Who’s TARDIS") and teleports to the other school. He briefly comments on how LAME it is to attend a sporting event:

"I spotted some students from my school, walking toward the nearby football stadium, on their way to watch the game and root for our team. I wasn’t sure why they bothered. They could just as easily have watched the game via vidfeed. And any empty seats in the stands would be filled with randomly generated NPC fans who would wolf down virtual sodas and hot dogs while cheering wildly. Occasionally, they would even do 'the wave.'"

-As he auto-runs toward the tomb, Wade reviews the Tomb of Horrors module from the 70s, and feels dread as he reads about the presence of a Demi-Lich at the end of the tomb: "That last bit worried me. A lich was an undead creature, usually an incredibly powerful wizard or king who had employed dark magic to bind his intellect to his own reanimated corpse, thus achieving a perverted form of immortality. I’d encountered liches in countless videogames and fantasy novels. They were to be avoided at all costs."

-Rather belatedly, Wade reveals what happens if your Avatar is "killed" in-game. The penalty is surprisingly severe for an MMO: You lose all your equipment and reset to level 1. Also, backup avatars are banned, and while some hackers run multiple accounts, if you're caught doing so you're banned from OASIS for life.

-After an hour of auto-running, Wade reaches the Tomb of Horrors. It's exactly as described in the 1978 module. He digs out a hole into the tomb's entrance using his shield, walks in, and chapter 7 ends.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38172528)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 1:48 AM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173849)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 1:50 AM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173851)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 1:56 AM
Author: ''"'""''"''




(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173857)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:00 AM
Author: anal sex

this terrible book is detonating my brain cells like atomic bombs going off, one after another

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38173859)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 6:40 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174047)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 8:45 AM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174215)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:00 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

An idle thought: Building full-body "haptic rigs" to allow kids to play high school sports sounds like a massive extravagance in a world marked by rampant poverty and warfare.

Then again broke cities spending a billion dollars on football stadiums is a gross extravagance and that hasn't stopped us.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175530)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 10:40 AM
Author: Naked in his Chinkle Chankle

Doing God's work here.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38174651)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:00 PM
Author: The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest

180 thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175535)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:25 PM
Author: Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success

this is what i look forward to everyday.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175778)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:32 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 8

Chapter 8

-Despite his low level, Wade is able to make is way safely though the Tomb of Horrors because, like so many other 80s things, he has its map and contents completely memorized. "My surroundings made me feel like I was in a low-budget sword-and-sorcery flick, like Hawk the Slayer or The Beastmaster."

-As he advances, Wade also collects items. 20,000 credits in gold coins, for starters. "As I continued deeper into the tomb, I obtained several magic items along the way. A +1 Flaming Sword. A Gem of Seeing. A +1 Ring of Protection. I even found a suit of +3 Full Plate armor. These were the first magic items my avatar had ever possessed, and they made me feel unstoppable. When I put on the suit of magical armor, it shrank to fit my avatar perfectly. Its gleaming chrome appearance reminded me of the bad-ass armor worn by the knights in Excalibur. "

-Everything goes exactly as the module says until Wade reaches the Pillared Throne Room. Here, he encounters the terrifying Demi-Lich Acererak, who isn't supposed to appear until much deeper in the dungeon. But Wade knows the Copper Key is likely here, so he has to take his chances: "My chances of surviving one-on-one combat with a demi-lich were nonexistent. My wimpy +1 Flaming Sword couldn’t even affect him, and the two magic rubies in his eye sockets had the power to suck out my avatar’s life force and kill me instantly. Even a party of six or seven high-level avatars would have had a difficult time defeating him. I silently wished (not for the last time) that the OASIS was like an old adventure game and that I could save my place. But it wasn’t, and I couldn’t. If my avatar died here, it would mean starting over with nothing."

-To his surprise, though, instead of attacking him upon approach, the Demi-Lich speaks. It asks what he seeks, and when he says the Copper Key, the Demi-Lich challenges him to...a game of Joust. Yeah, the old arcade game: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joust_(video_game)

"The lich let out a long, disturbing cackle that echoed off the chamber’s stone walls. 'Very well!' he said. 'You shall prove your worth by facing me in a joust!'

"I’d never heard of an undead lich king challenging someone to a joust. Especially not in a

subterranean burial chamber. 'All right,' I said uncertainly. 'But won’t we be needing horses for that?'

"'Not horses,' he replied, stepping away from his throne. 'Birds.'

"He waved a skeletal hand at his throne. There was a brief flash of light, accompanied by a transformation sound effect (which I was pretty sure had been lifted from the old Super Friends cartoon)[always a reference ready]. The throne melted and morphed into an old coin-operated videogame cabinet. Two joysticks protruded from its control panel, one yellow and one blue. I couldn’t help but grin as I read the name on the game’s backlit marquee: JOUST. Williams Electronics, 1982.

"'Best two out of three games,' Acererak rasped. 'If you win, I shall grant you what you seek.'

"'What if you win?' I asked, already knowing the answer.

"'If I am victorious,' the lich said, the rubies in his eye sockets blazing even brighter, 'then you shall die!' A ball of swirling orange flame appeared in his right hand. He raised it threateningly.

"'Of course,' I said. 'That was my first guess. Just wanted to double-check.'"

-Wade, fortunately, is prepared. Like Batman, he naturally just happens to have spent months mastering Joust, between his time spent reading 600 books, watching 400 movies and a thousand hours of television, and beating hundreds of others games:

"I hadn’t played Joust in over a year. It was one of Aech’s favorite games, and for a while he’d had a Joust cabinet in his chat room. He used to challenge me to a game whenever he wanted to settle an argument or some asinine pop-culture dispute. For a few months, we played almost every day. In the beginning, Aech was slightly better than I was, and he had a habit of gloating over his victories. This had really irked me, so I started practicing Joust on my own, playing a few games a night against an AI opponent. I honed my skills until I finally got good enough to beat Aech, repeatedly and consistently. Then I began to gloat over him, savoring my revenge. The last time we’d played, I’d rubbed his nose in defeat so mercilessly that he’d flipped out and vowed never to play me again. Since then, we’d used Street Fighter II to settle our disputes.

"My Joust skills were a lot rustier than I thought. I spent the first five minutes just trying to relax and to reacquaint myself with the controls and the rhythm of the game. During this time, Acererak managed to kill me twice, mercilessly slamming his winged mount into mine at the perfect trajectory. He handled the game’s controls with the calculated perfection of a machine. Which, of course, was exactly what he was—cutting-edge NPC artificial intelligence, programmed by Halliday himself."

-Wade loses the first game, and looks like he's toast. But then he makes a brilliant move: He asks to switch to playing on the left side instead of the right. As they switch, he can't help but make another fucking reference: "It suddenly occurred to me just how absurd this scene was: a guy wearing a suit of armor, standing next to an undead king, both hunched over the controls of a classic arcade game. It was the sort of surreal image you’d expect to see on the cover of an old issue of Heavy Metal or Dragon magazine."

-Cline struggles mightily to make a literary description of a 1982 arcade game exciting:

"The next game started out badly for me too. My opponent’s movements were relentless and precise, and I spent the first few waves just trying to evade him. I was also distracted by the incessant click of his skeletal index finger as he tapped his Flap button. I unclenched my jaw and cleared my mind, forcing myself not to think about where I was, who I was playing against, or what was at stake. I tried to imagine that I was back in the Basement, playing against Aech.

It worked. I slipped into the zone, and the tide began to turn in my favor. I began to find the flaws in the lich’s playing style, the holes in his programming. This was something I’d learned over the years, mastering hundreds of different videogames. There was always a trick to beating a computer-controlled opponent. At a game like this, a gifted human player could always triumph over the game’s AI, because software couldn’t improvise. It could either react randomly, or in a limited number of predetermined ways, based on a finite number of preprogrammed conditions. This was an axiom in videogames, and would be until humans invented true artificial intelligence.

Our second game came right down to the wire, but by the end of it, I’d spotted a pattern to the lich’s playing technique. By changing my ostrich’s direction at a certain moment, I could get him to slam his stork into one of the oncoming buzzards. By repeating this move, I was able to pick off his extra lives, one by one. I died several times myself in the process, but I finally took him down during the tenth wave, with no extra lives of my own to spare. I stepped back from the machine and sighed with relief. I could feel rivulets of sweat running down my forehead and around the edge of my visor. I wiped at my face with the sleeve of my shirt, and my avatar mimicked this motion.

'Good game,' Acererak said. Then, to my surprise, he offered me his withered claw of a hand. I shook it, chuckling nervously as I did so."

-The third game builds up to a thrilling climax:

"Our final tie-breaking game lasted longer than the first two combined. During the final wave, so many buzzards filled the screen that it was hard to move without getting dusted by one of them. The lich and I faced off one final time, at the very top of the playing field, both of us incessantly hitting our Flap buttons while slamming our joysticks left and right. Acererak made a final, desperate move to avoid my charge and dropped a micrometer toolow. His final mount died in a tiny pixelated explosion."



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38175852)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:51 PM
Author: weather (1997)

this book is obviously pulp shit. don't see the point of testing it for any social, economic, or technological realism

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176013)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 2nd, 2019 2:51 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Because it's funny?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176017)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:01 PM
Author: weather (1997)

also an enormous exercise, keep going

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176096)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:12 PM
Author: acoustic thugicide (πŸ…)

bro i "get" that literature is sacred to you and you'd feel defiled if you had to read this pulp shit

but charles is our bald incel xo jesus and he is willing to sacrifice his literary sanity for content creation which makes him >>>>>> you, me, and especially that too-cool/can't be seen being genuine or tryhard jaded judas jones

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176153)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:20 PM
Author: weather (1997)

i definitely don't pull my weight with respect to ~CONTENT~ so i respect the effort and ingenuity some posters put into their posting. doing a comprehensive "how dumb is this?" with an obvious piece of trash seems like a poor return on investment. no one pretends this is a wise book. we know fifty shades of grey is laughable, but why do a line by line exegesis. low comedy

just idly raising the question, he can keep putting his surplus incel energy into it, i don't really give a fuck. we do love <b>CONTENT</b>

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176233)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:24 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

That's where you're wrong, sadly. As the opening post shows, this book got tremendous positive reviews and is overwhelmingly popular. It is not acknowledged as low trash in nearly the same way 50 Shades is.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176269)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:40 PM
Author: weather (1997)

not much is worse than 50 shades so that's not the best comparison

i'd much prefer watching a consensus great book being taken apart for its false importance. we do like to run down franzen here

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176404)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 1:43 AM
Author: Lewis Powell

Let the man entertain us pls

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179207)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 1:53 AM
Author: anal sex

jesus christ man nobody wants charles to read franzen and complain about it. leave us to our pulp fiction

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179227)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:37 AM
Author: Sporting Events

(Cline)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179720)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 3:08 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 8 Part 2

-Wade celebrates in a rather cringeworthy manner:

"The lich let out a long bloodcurdling howl of rage. He smashed an angry fist into the side of the Joust cabinet, shattering it into a million tiny pixels that scattered and bounced across the floor. Then he turned to face me.

"'Congratulations, Parzival,' he said, bowing low. 'You played well.'

"'Thank you, noble Acererak,' I replied, resisting the urge to jump up and down and shake my ass victoriously in his general direction."

-Halliday's avatar Anorak appears and presents Wade with the Copper Key (along with 50k experience points, raising him to level 10). Of course, this comes with ANOTHER fucking reference that means nothing unless you've seen the film in question (multiple times, preferably):

"The chamber filled with the sound of a full orchestra. Triumphant horns were quickly joined by a stirring string section. I recognized the music. It was the last track from John Williams’s original Star Wars score, used in the scene where Princess Leia gives Luke and Han their medals (and Chewbacca, as you may recall, gets the shaft)."

-Anorak vanishes with another reference: "His avatar vanished in a flash of light, accompanied by a teleportation sound effect I knew was lifted from the old ’80s Dungeons & Dragons cartoon." Didn't watch that cartoon? Too bad, I guess.

-It took five years for people to figure out Halliday's first clue, but Wade takes just seconds to deduce the clue leading to the First Gate:

"I turned it over in my avatar’s hand, watching the torchlight play across the roman numeral, and that was when I spotted two small lines of text engraved into the metal. I tilted the key up to the light and read them aloud: 'What you seek lies hidden in the trash on the deepest level of Daggorath.'

"I didn’t even need to read it a second time. I instantly understood its meaning. I knew exactly where I needed to go and what I would have to do once I got there.

"'Hidden in the trash' was a reference to the ancient TRS-80 line of computers made by Tandy and Radio Shack in the ’70s and ’80s. Computer users of that era had given the TRS80 the derogatory nickname of 'Trash 80.'

"What you seek lies hidden in the trash.

"Halliday’s first computer had been a TRS-80, with a whopping 16K of RAM. And I knew exactly where to find a replica of that computer in the OASIS. Every gunter did.

"In the early days of the OASIS, Halliday had created a small planet named Middletown, named after his hometown in Ohio. The planet was the site of a meticulous re-creation of his hometown as it was in the late 1980s. That saying about how you can never go home again? Halliday had found a way. Middletown was one of his pet projects, and he’d spent years coding and refining it. And it was well known (to gunters, at least) that one of the most detailed and accurate parts of the Middletown simulation was the re-creation of Halliday’s boyhood home.

"I’d never been able to visit it, but I’d seen hundreds of screenshots and vidcaps of the place. Inside Halliday’s bedroom was a replica of his first computer, a TRS-80 Color Computer 2. I was positive that was where he’d hidden the First Gate. And the second line of text inscribed on the Copper Key told me how to reach it: On the deepest level of Daggorath.

"Dagorath was a word in Sindarin, the Elvish language J. R. R. Tolkien had created for The Lord of the Rings. The word dagorath meant “battle,” but Tolkien had spelled the word with just one “g,” not two. 'Daggorath' (with two “g”s) could refer only to one thing: an incredibly obscure computer game called Dungeons of Daggorath released in 1982. The game had been made for just one platform, the TRS-80 Color Computer. Halliday had written in Anorak’s Almanac that Dungeons of Daggorath was the game that made him decide he wanted to become a videogame designer. And Dungeons of Daggorath was one of the games sitting in the shoebox next to the TRS80 in the re-creation of Halliday’s childhood bedroom."

-It's getting late and Wade has school in the morning, but he's far too excited to stop now. He starts sprinting out of the cave, but as he's about to leave, he hears a voice, and the chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38176130)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:53 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

*extremely autistic voice*

the trash-80 is most properly used to refer to the 1977 trs-80 architecture. the color computer family used trs-80 as a marketing name but had a different processor family (motorola CPUs instead of z80s) and was not compatible with true trs-80s

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178955)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:57 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

(James Halliday)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178963)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:02 AM
Author: Don Kihote

I actually the played Dungeons of Daggorath cart on an old Color Computer 2 in the 80's

It was ahead of its time but also frustratingly difficult

for example iirc instead of reducing damage the shield actually does nothing and is just another weapon

never beat it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178982)



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Date: May 2nd, 2019 11:59 PM
Author: solace and wallace

science fiction is notorious for terrible writing. Even Dune is bad.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38178969)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:28 AM
Author: anal sex

to be fair dune was a thinly veiled WARS FOR OIL screed and it was still competently written and not total schlock

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179043)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:47 AM
Author: animeboi

Yes but there is a difference btw. flat or cliched writing and teen fanfiction tier (written by a man in his 40s)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179747)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 9:09 AM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179784)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 12:32 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 9

Chapter 9

-The mysterious newcomer to the Tomb of Horrors is none other than Art3mis, Wade's blogger crush:

"She wore a suit of scaled gunmetal-blue armor that looked more sci-fi than fantasy. Twin blaster pistols were slung low on her hips in quickdraw holsters, and there was a long, curved elvish sword in a scabbard across her back. She wore fingerless Road Warrior–style racing gloves and a pair of classic Ray-Ban shades. Overall, she seemed to be going for a sort of mid-’80s postapocalyptic cyberpunk girl-next-door look. And it was working for me, in a big way. In a word: hot.

For a moment I was too star-struck to speak. To break my paralysis, I reminded myself that the person operating the avatar in front of me might not be a woman at all. This “girl,” whom I’d been cyber-crushing on for the past three years, might very well be an obese, hairy-knuckled guy named Chuck. [Oof!]"

-Art3mis asks who Wade is, and not wanting to be honest, he of course decides to make a HAHA SO RANDOM reference:

"'Greetings,' I said, bowing slightly. 'I am Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez.'

"She smirked. 'Chief metallurgist to King Charles the Fifth of Spain?'

"'At your service,' I replied, grinning. She’d caught my obscure Highlander quote and thrown another right back at me. It was Art3mis, all right."

-Once the pointless reference is over, Art3mis once again asks how he did at Joust. Wade decides to lie and say he got pasted. Nevertheless, Art3mis attacks him, causing them both to discover that the Tomb is a no-PVP zone just like the rest of Ludus.

-Art3mis is quite the show-off:

"'Well, there you have it,' she said, grinning. 'This is a no-PvP zone after all.' She whipped her sword around in a figure-eight pattern, then smoothly replaced it in the scabbard on her back. Very slick.

-Wade and Art3mis trade some dumb barbs about who has a stronger character. Wade is about to sneak off to see the first gate when Art3mis finally straight-up begs him to stick around. She goes on a short rant about her frustrations, revealing that she's been coming to the tomb for weeks, but keeps losing at Joust. Naturally, Wade can only express his adoration for her with a fucking reference:

"She cut herself off again. 'Man, I’m such a motormouth! A jabberjaw. A flibbertigibbet.' She mimed zipping her lips, locking them, and tossing away the imaginary key. Without thinking, I mimed grabbing the key out of the air and unlocking her lips. This made her laugh—an honest, genuine laugh that involved a fair amount of snorting, which made me laugh too.

"She was so charming. Her geeky demeanor and hyperkinetic speech pattern reminded me of Jordan, my favorite character in Real Genius. I’d never felt such an instant connection with another person."

-Wade's crush only continues to grow as their flighty banter continues, and Art3mis explains the totally not-fucking-obvious origin of her moniker:

"'Parzival, eh?' She tilted her head slightly. 'Named after the knight of the Round Table

who found the grail, right? Very cool.'

I nodded, now even more smitten. I almost always had to explain my name to people.

"'And Artemis was the Greek goddess of the hunt, right?'

'Right! But the normal spelling was already taken, so I had to use a leet spelling, with a number three in place of the ‘e.’ ”

"'I know,' I said. 'You mentioned that once on your blog. Two years ago.' I almost cited the date of the actual blog entry before I realized it would make me sound like even more of a cyber-stalking super-creep. 'You said that you still run into noobs who prounounce it ‘Artthree-miss.’'

"'That’s right,' she said, grinning at me. 'I did.'"

-Art3mis hands Wade her contact card, which in-game is represented as "a vintage Kenner Star Wars action figure (still in the blister pack)," surely a fascinating reference to those who get it. "Not only was this the first time a girl had ever given me her card, it was also, by far, the coolest contact card I had ever seen."

-Wade gives her his own contact card, which is modeled after an Atari Adventure cartridge:

"'This is awesome!' she said, looking it over. 'What a wicked design!'

"'Thanks,' I said, blushing under my visor. I wanted to propose marriage."

-Wade attempts to leave, which makes Art3mis suspicious once again. She looks at the Scoreboard and realizes that Wade has the Copper Key. She then goes into a self-hating rage, angry that she has failed for more than a month at Joust. Wade tries to calm her down with an 80s reference.

"'Listen,' I said. 'It really was luck. I’ve got a knack for classic arcade games. That’s my specialty.' I shrugged. 'Stop hitting yourself like Rain Man, OK?'

-To slow Wade down from reaching the First Gate, Art3mis casts a Barrier Spell to keep him imprisoned until after midnight, when the dungeon status will reset, slowing him down:

"'You’re evil, you know that?' I said.

"She grinned and shook her head. 'Chaotic Neutral, sugar.'"

-They chat a bit more while Wade is stuck in the barrier. Art3mis points out something Wade hasn't though of: Now that he has become the first person to make progress in the contest, the entire world will become obsessed with the hunt again, and Parzival will be an international celebrity. He has to keep his identity secret, or he'll almost certainly be harassed and possibly even killed.

-Art3mis then switches gears and asks what Wade would do if he wins. He tells her his dream:

"'I’d have a nuclear-powered interstellar spacecraft constructed in Earth’s orbit,' I said. 'I’d stock it with a lifetime supply of food and water, a self-sustaining biosphere, and a supercomputer loaded with every movie, book, song, videogame, and piece of artwork that human civilization has ever created, along with a stand-alone copy of the OASIS. Then I’d invite a few of my closest friends to come aboard, along with a team of doctors and scientists, and we’d all get the hell out of Dodge. Leave the solar system and start looking for an extrasolar Earthlike planet.'"

-Art3mis points out that's rather selfish. If she wins, she will make sure everyone has food, then "figure out how to fix the environment and solve the energy crisis."

-Wade smugly dismisses that dream with, you guessed it, a reference: "'And after you pull off that miracle, you can genetically engineer a bunch of Smurfs and unicorns to frolic around this new perfect world you’ve created.'”

-Before leaving the tomb, Wade decides to be generous and tells Art3mis to try switching sides on the Joust machine. He watches her play for a moment, then leaves, and the chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179051)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 1:38 AM
Author: Lewis Powell

Enjoying this. Forgot how horrible book was

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179200)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 2:08 AM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

Wait wouldn't Art3mis be a lowly level 1 noob after losing the joust game every day and being killed by the monster? Why is she decked out in cool gear

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179291)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 2:09 AM
Author: King Stannis

cq

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179293)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:56 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

You actually just fight the monster, and she has been beating him (barely) each time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179765)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:58 AM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

wow thats dumb, should be certain death to make it more difficult!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179769)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 9:08 AM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179783)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:47 AM
Author: Sporting Events

lmao holy shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38179744)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 5:20 PM
Author: Hungry, forkless and losing patience.

If the narrator can more or less only experience reality through the lens of 80s pop culture, wouldn't he call himself "Percival", which is the name of the knight in the Excalibur movie he keeps mentioning? "Parzival" is the spelling of the character from a 13th century poem. Even Malory uses "Percival" by the 14th century.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239736)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 7:34 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Names can't be re-used and "Percival" was taken.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240455)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 10:58 AM
Author: Don Kihote

man I thought XO was being edgy cool bashing it but this is pretty bad

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38180274)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 11:10 AM
Author: animeboi

I don't see how it can be enjoyable even on an escapist fantasy level.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38180342)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 11:13 AM
Author: Sporting Events

cr I figured the book was a fun adventure romp with probably a few too many painfully forced 80s references

I did not expect the writing to be full reddit goon quality nor the plot to have peterman-tier gaping holes

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38180367)



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Date: May 3rd, 2019 3:19 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 10

Chapter 10

-It takes Wade an hour to re-navigate the Tomb of Horrors traps and reach the surface. When he gets there, he leaves a no-communications zone surrounding the tomb and is barraged with outside messages. As the first holder of the Copper Key, he's instantly a huge celebrity. For now, Wade ignores the messages and instead races to a transport terminal at the nearest school, which warps him to the Middletown, Ohio planet:

"When Halliday had created Middletown, he hadn’t placed just a single re-creation of his hometown there. He’d made 256 identical copies of it, spread out evenly across the planet’s surface. I didn’t think it would matter which copy of his hometown I went to, so I selected one at random, near the equator. Then I tapped CONFIRM to pay the fare, and my avatar vanished.

"A millisecond later, I was standing inside a vintage 1980s phone booth located inside an old Greyhound bus station. I opened the door and stepped out. It was like stepping out of a time machine. Several NPCs milled around, all dressed in mid-1980s attire. A woman with a giant ozone-depleting hairdo bobbed her head to an oversize Walkman. A kid in a gray Members Only jacket leaned against the wall, working on a Rubik’s Cube. A Mohawked punk rocker sat in a plastic chair, watching a Riptide rerun on a coin-operated television."

-Wade advances carefully, because bizarrely Middletown is a legit PvP zone.

-Of course, between reading hundreds of books and thousands of comics, and memorizing Tomb of Horrors, etc., Wade has also become an expert on Halliday's hometown: "Even though I’d never been to Middletown before, I’d done extensive research on it, so I knew Halliday had coded the planet so that no matter when you visited or where you were on the surface, it was always a perfect late-autumn afternoon, circa 1986."

-Visiting Middletown is so jarring that, naturally, Wade has a handy reference ready. Two, in fact: "The place reminded me a lot of the town in the movie Footloose. Small, rural, and sparsely populated. The houses all seemed incredibly big and were placed ridiculously far apart. It astounded me that fifty years ago, even lower-income families had an entire house to themselves [haha you and me both, man]. The NPC citizens all looked like extras from a John Cougar Mellencamp video."

-As he heads for Halliday's house, Wade sees that Art3mis has beaten the Joust Demi-Lich and secured the Copper Key. It's been a whole hour since they parted, so those must have been some pretty long Joust matches.

-Wade reaches the recreation of Halliday's childhood home and enters. There are no NPC's there; Halliday chose not to recreate his childhood self or any of his family members.

-As he walks in, Wade passes Halliday's childhood Atari and reflects on Gunter lore: "The simulated wood grain on the Atari’s plastic casing perfectly matched the simulated wood grain on the television cabinet and on the living room walls. Beside the Atari was a shoebox containing nine game cartridges: Combat, Space Invaders, Pitfall, Kaboom!, Star Raiders, The Empire Strikes Back, Starmaster, Yars’ Revenge, and E.T. Gunters had attached a large amount of significance to the absence of Adventure, the game Halliday was seen playing on this very same Atari at the end of Anorak’s Invitation. People had searched the entire Middletown simulation for a copy of it, but there didn’t appear to be one anywhere on the whole planet. Gunters had brought copies of Adventure here from other planets, but when they tried to play them on Halliday’s Atari, they never worked. So far, no one had been able to figure out why [GEE I WONDER IF THIS IS FORESHADOWING]."

-Wade enters Halliday's room. More references: "The carpet was a horrendous mustard color. So was the wallpaper. But the walls were almost entirely covered with movie and rock band posters: Real Genius, WarGames, Tron, Pink Floyd, Devo, Rush. A bookshelf stood just inside the door, overflowing with science fiction and fantasy paperbacks (all titles I’d read, of course). A second bookshelf by the bed was crammed to capacity with old computer magazines and Dungeons & Dragons rule books. Several long boxes of comic books were stacked against the wall, each carefully labeled. And there on the battered wooden desk in the corner was James Halliday’s first computer."

-Wade is, of course, also an expert on hard-to-use early 80s computers and games: "I knew from my research that the cassette recorder functioned as the TRS-80’s 'tape drive.' It stored data as analog sound on magnetic audiotapes. When Halliday had first started programming, the poor kid hadn’t even had access to a floppy disk drive. He’d had to store his code on cassette tapes. A shoebox sat beside the tape drive, filled with dozens of these cassettes. Most of them were text adventure games: Raaka-tu, Bedlam, Pyramid, and Madness and the Minotaur. There were also a few ROM cartridges, which fit into a slot on the side of the computer. I dug around in the box until I found a cartridge with DUNGEONS OF DAGGORATH printed in crooked yellow text on its worn red label. The game’s artwork depicted a first-person view of a long dungeon corridor blocked by a hulking blue giant with a large stone ax.

"When a list of the games found in Halliday’s bedroom had first appeared online, I’d made sure to download and master every single one of them, so I’d already solved Dungeons of Daggorath, about two years earlier. It had taken most of a weekend. The graphics were crude, but even so, the game was fun and incredibly addictive."

-Of course, other players have tried playing Halliday's games on his home computers, without success. But Wade is the first to have the Copper Key. A REFERENCE appears to show he's doing something right: "I laid my fingers on the keyboard and began to play. As soon as I did, a jambox sitting on top of Halliday’s dresser turned itself on, and familiar music began to blast out of it. It was Basil Poledouris’s score for Conan the Barbarian. That must be Anorak’s way of letting me know I’m on the right track, I thought."

-It takes a few hours, but Wade easily clears Dungeons of Daggorath, helped along by the ability to save and reload his game (though on an 80s computer, the process is cumbersome). As he continues to play, Wade gets in another reference: "While I was playing, the Conan the Barbarian score ended and the jambox clicked over and began to play the opposite side of the tape, treating me to the synthesizer-laden score for Ladyhawke. I couldn’t wait to rub Aech’s nose in that."

-When he beats the game, the Wargames poster on Halliday's wall is replaced by a wrought-iron gate. Wade opens it with the copper key and encounters another reference: "'My God, it’s full of stars,' I heard a disembodied voice say. I recognized it as a sound bite from the film 2010. Then I heard a low, ominous hum, followed by a piece of music from that film’s score: 'Also Sprach Zarathustra' by Richard Strauss." [Actually, I believe Zarathustra was only used in 2001, not 2010]

-Wade enters the gate, and the chapter ends.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38181924)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:03 PM
Author: Driving back in silence from retirement home

LJL at the author of Ready Player One not even getting his references to Kubrick right

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182318)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:11 PM
Author: animeboi

actually per imdb Also Sprach was in it:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086837/soundtrack?ref_=tt_trv_snd

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182362)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:13 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

FMA

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182378)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 4:22 PM
Author: anal sex

lol @ the entire score being one piece from kubrick and the ass to ass song from RFAD

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38182434)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 3rd, 2019 8:51 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 11

Chapter 11

-Wade tumbles through black space, and suddenly snaps back to (virtual) reality standing in front of a Galaga machine.

-After a moment of disorientation, Wade realizes where he is:

"Keeping one eye on the game, I tried to make sense of my surroundings. In my peripheral vision I was able to make out a Dig Dug game on my left and a Zaxxon machine to my right. Behind me, I could hear a cacophony of digital combat coming from dozens of other vintage arcade games. Then, as I finished clearing the wave on Galaga, I noticed my reflection in the game’s screen. It wasn’t my avatar’s face I saw there. It was Matthew Broderick’s face. A young pre–Ferris Bueller and pre-Ladyhawke Matthew Broderick.

"Then I knew where I was. And who I was.

"I was David Lightman, Matthew Broderick’s character in the movie WarGames. And this was his first scene in the film.

"I was in the movie."

-Yep, that's Chapter 11. To clear the First Gate, Wade has to recite, from memory, all of Matthew Broderick's lines from the movie WarGames. Haven't seen that movie? Don't like it? Don't find the idea of simply reciting lines from a movie terribly interesting? Too bad, this is RPO, where being able to live through the events of a movie is Badass and Amazeballs:

"I’d spent years wondering what challenges awaited me inside the First Gate. Never once had I imagined this. But I probably should have. WarGames had been one of Halliday’s alltime favorite movies. Which was why I had watched it over three dozen times. Well, that, and also because it was completely awesome, with an old-school teenage computer hacker as the protagonist. And it looked like all of that research was about to pay off."

-Wade quickly grasps what he's supposed to do, like a proper goon:

"It seemed that the only way I could get back would be to clear the gate by completing the quest. But if this was a videogame, how was I supposed to play it? If this was a quest, what was my goal? I continued to play Galaga while pondering these questions. A second later, a young boy walked into the arcade and came over to me.

"'Hi, David!' he said, his eyes on my game.

"I recognized this kid from the movie. His name was Howie. In the film, Matthew Broderick’s character hands his Galaga game off to Howie when he rushes off to school.

"'Hi, David!' the boy repeated, in the same exact tone. As he spoke this time, his words also appeared as text, superimposed across the bottom of my display, like subtitles. Below this, flashing red, were the words FINAL DIALOGUE WARNING!

"I began to understand. The simulation was warning me that this was my final chance to deliver the next line of dialogue from the movie. If I didn’t say the line, I could guess what would probably happen next. GAME OVER.

"But I didn’t panic, because I knew the next line. I’d seen WarGames so many times that I knew the entire film by heart."

-Apparently, doing a series of memory-based quicktime events is the funnest game ever:

"I started to feel giddy. This was incredible. I was totally inside the movie. Halliday had transformed a fifty-year-old film into a real-time interactive videogame. I wondered how long it had taken him to program this thing.

"Another warning flashed on my display: YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL, DAVID! HURRY!

"I stepped away from the Galaga machine. 'Hey, you wanna take this over?' I asked Howie.

"'Sure,' he replied, grabbing the controls. 'Thanks!'

"A green path appeared on the floor of the arcade, leading from where I stood to the exit. I started to follow it, then remembered to run back and grab my notebook off of the Dig Dug game, just like David had in the movie. As I did this, my score jumped another 100 points, and ACTION BONUS! appeared on my display.

"'Bye, David!' Howie shouted.

"'Bye!' I shouted back. Another 100 points. This was easy!"

-Somehow, even in a chapter that is literally nothing but "Hey, remember that move? Wasn't it AWESOME?," Cline sneaks in some references to other films: "I’d totally overprepared. I probably knew WarGames even better than I knew Real Genius and Better Off Dead."

-Wade basically skips to the end of the film. But despite that, and despite the fact this isn't even a real game people can play, Cline still gives a surprising level of detail about how the game works:

"Whenever I flubbed a line or didn’t perform an action at the right moment, my score decreased and a warning flashed on my display. When I made two mistakes in a row, a FINAL WARNING message appeared. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I got three strikes in a row, but my guess was that I’d either be expelled from the gate or that my avatar would simply be killed. I wasn’t eager to find out which it would be. Whenever I correctly performed seven actions or recited seven lines of dialogue in a row, the game would award me a “Cue Card Power-Up.” The next time I blanked on what to do or say, I could select the Cue Card icon and the correct action or line of dialogue would appear on my display, sort of like a teleprompter.

"During scenes that didn’t involve my character, the simulation cut to a passive thirdperson perspective, and all I had to do was sit back and watch things play out, sort of like watching a cut scene in an old videogame. During these scenes, I could relax until my character came on-screen again. During one of these breaks, I tried to access a copy of the movie from my OASIS console’s hard drive, with the intention of playing it in a window on my display so I could refer to it. But the system wouldn’t let me. In fact, I found that I couldn’t open any windows at all while inside the gate. When I tried, I got a warning: NO CHEATING. TRY TO CHEAT AGAIN AND IT’S GAME OVER!"

-In a rather pointless digression, Wade describes how these interactive movies will become the most awesomest games ever in the future:

"I didn’t know it at the time, but I’d just become the first person to play an entirely new type of videogame. When GSS got wind of the WarGames simulation inside the First Gate (and they did a short time later), the company quickly patented the idea and began to buy up the rights to old movies and TV shows and convert them into immersive interactive games that they dubbed Flicksyncs. Flicksyncs became wildly popular. There turned out to be a huge market for games that allowed people to play a leading role in one of their favorite old movies or TV series."

-After about two hours, Wade reaches the end: "The last action I had to perform was instructing the WOPR supercomputer to 'play itself' at tic-tac-toe." Technically, the last actions Broderick does are rubbing some guy on the head and then kissing the girl. Normally I wouldn't be picky, but Cline was rather explicit that he is supposed to autistically reenact EVERYTHING in this movie.

-After winning the game, Wade gets the second clue:

The captain conceals the Jade Key

in a dwelling long neglected

But you can only blow the whistle

once the trophies are all collected

-Wade gets so many experience points for clearing the First Gate that he rockets all the way up to level 20. He scrambles out of Middletown back to his school, where he dumps his digital gear in his locker and finally leaves the OASIS after more than 24 hours. It's almost time for school, but Wade decides to get some sleep instead, despite saying earlier in the book that he's on the brink of getting expelled and can't afford to miss additional days (since if he's expelled, his OASIS is confiscated).

-As he collapses into sleep, Wade has a dream with a reference in it:

"An army of Sixers stood in front of me, and several different gunter clans surrounded me on all other flanks, brandishing swords and guns and weapons of powerful magic.

"I looked down at my body. It wasn’t Parzival’s body; it was my own. And I was wearing armor made of paper. In my right hand was a toy plastic sword, and in my left was a large glass egg. It looked exactly like the glass egg that causes Tom Cruise’s character so much grief in Risky Business, but somehow I knew that, in the context of my dream, it was supposed to be Halliday’s Easter egg."



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38183569)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2019 10:26 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 12

Chapter 12

-Wade sleeps for 12 hours and misses school, which is no longer a problem for him I guess. While he sleeps, Art3mis also clears the First Gate.

-Wade turns on the news, which is wall-to-wall coverage of him and the Copper Key's discovery. Some "gunter expert" is on-screen, stating that with Wade and Art3mis completing the Copper Key so close together after years of no progress, they MUST be working together within a clan.

-Wade finds a TV channel that is interviewing Halliday's old business partner, Ogden Morrow. His appearance turns into a slightly-silly denunciation of the stoopid corporations, maaaaaaan:

"It had been almost six years since Morrow had last spoken to the media, but he didn’t seem to have aged a day. His wild gray hair and long beard made him look like a cross between Albert Einstein and Santa Claus [holy shit, a simile not taken from an 80s movie!]. That comparison was also a pretty good description of his personality.

...

"Then he looked straight into the camera, and I felt as if he was now speaking directly to me. 'Anyone smart enough to accomplish what they have should know better than to risk everything by talking to the vultures in the media.'

"The reporter chuckled uncomfortably. 'Ah, Mr. Morrow … I really don’t think that’s called for.'

"Morrow shrugged. 'Too bad. I do.'

"The reporter cleared his throat again. 'Well, moving on … Do you have any predictions

about what changes we might see on the Scoreboard in the weeks to come?'

“'I’m betting that those other eight empty slots will fill up pretty quickly.'"

“'What makes you think so?'”

“'One person can keep a secret, but not two,' he replied, staring directly into the camera again. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong. But I am sure of one thing. The Sixers are going to use every dirty trick at their disposal to learn the location of the Copper Key and the First Gate.'

“'You’re referring to the employees of Innovative Online Industries?'

“'Yes. IOI. The Sixers. Their sole purpose is to exploit loopholes in the contest rules and subvert the intention of Jim’s will. The very soul of the OASIS is at stake here. The last thing Jim would have wanted is for his creation to fall into the hands of a fascist multinational conglomerate like IOI.'

“'Mr. Morrow, IOI owns this network.…'

“'Of course they do!' Morrow shouted gleefully. 'They own practically everything! Including you, pretty boy! I mean, did they tattoo a UPC code on your ass when they hired you to sit there and spout their corporate propaganda?'

The reporter began to stutter, glancing nervously at something off camera.

“'Quick!' Morrow said. 'You better cut me off before I say anything else!' He broke up into gales of laughter just as the network cut his satellite feed.

"The reporter took a few seconds to regroup, then said, 'Thank you again for joining us today, Mr. Morrow. Unfortunately that’s all the time we have to speak with him.'"

-At this point, Wade starts dumping more background on Morrow. In contrast to Halliday, Morrow had a more normal, but also more tragic life. One member of Morrow and Halliday's D&D group was a British exchange student, Kira Underwood ("Her birth name was Karen, but she’d insisted on being called Kira ever since her first viewing of The Dark Crystal."). Kira is a "quintessential geek girl, unabashedly obsessed with Monty Python, comic books, fantasy novels, and videogames." Morrow falls in love with her and they become high school sweethearts. However, Halliday also crushes on her (oof!), though he's so nervous he'll only refer to her by her D&D character name, Leucosia.

-Morrow and Kira have a long-distance relationship after she returns to the UK, using the very earliest forms of the Internet to stay in touch. They move in together in the early 90s when she comes to work at GSS. They get engaged "a few years after the launch of the OASIS," and marry a year after that, so it sounds like they lived together for at least 20 years before getting married.

-Five years after getting married, in 2022, Morrow abruptly leaves GSS. He initially cites personal reasons, but it later comes out that he has become hostile to OASIS itself: "'It had become a self-imposed prison for humanity,' he wrote. 'A pleasant place for the world to hide from its problems while human civilization slowly collapses, primarily due to neglect.'" Morrow sells his GSS shares to Halliday (whom he hasn't spoken to directly in years) and retires with Kira.

-In their "retirement," Morrow and Kira found a company that makes adventure games for children. Wade has another lovely instance of telling rather than showing: "I’d grown up playing these games, all of which were set in the magical kingdom of Halcydonia. Morrow’s games had transported me out of my grim surroundings as a lonely kid growing up in the stacks. They’d also taught me how to do math and solve puzzles while building my self-esteem. In a way, the Morrows were among my very first teachers."

-Then, this odd paragraph drops: "For the next decade, Ogden and Kira enjoyed a peaceful, happy existence, living and working in relative seclusion. They tried to have children, but it wasn’t in the cards for them. They’d begun to consider adoption when, in the winter of 2034, Kira was killed in a car accident on an icy mountain road just a few miles from their home."

I'm sorry, but what? This makes no sense. Halliday was born in 1972. If he was classmates with Morrow and Kira, they must be about the same age. That means that when Morrow and Kira left GSS in 2022, they'd already be about 50 years old. "They tried to have children" doesn't make any sense. A woman at age 50 with zero kids is almost certainly too old, and she's DEFINITELY too old at 62, which is the age Kira died at when "they'd begun to consider adoption." JFC at this shitty plotting. This is way worse than delusional 39-yo shrews who "definitely want kids."

-Until the random TV appearance that Wade saw, Morrow's last TV appearance was shortly after Halliday's death. All he'd said is that he hadn't spoken to Halliday in years, had no idea where the egg was, and didn't know why Halliday had left him his entire collection of coin-operated arcade games (the only part of Halliday's fortune that went to anyone). He does give a hint that helps create gunter culture, though: "Jim always wanted everyone to share his obsessions, to love the same things he loved. I think this contest is his way of giving the entire world an incentive to do just that.”

Boy, did he ever.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185485)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2019 10:54 AM
Author: Sporting Events

God's work Charles

lol at this horseshit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185559)



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Date: May 4th, 2019 11:19 AM
Author: biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm (πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‘)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185620)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 7th, 2019 4:32 PM
Author: .,.,.,.,,.,.,,.,.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200893)



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Date: May 4th, 2019 11:06 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

this is unbelievably bad. It's like Cline is an alien who's never actually met a human being but learned about them from watching 80s TV reruns



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185592)



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Date: May 4th, 2019 11:39 AM
Author: animeboi

And Cline wrote this *in his 40's*. Its not just that he writes like a teenager, he writes like a 2010's basement goon teenage who's never read anything more sophisticated than a YA novel (while namechecking lot's of classic SF books he apparently didn't pick up anything from)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185675)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2019 12:55 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38185973)



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Date: May 4th, 2019 4:28 PM
Author: Sporting Events

Yeah that’s one of the worst things about this. It might be kind of cool if he deftly referenced 80s pop culture while adding something of his own to it, but this literally feels like some geek repeatedly saying “hey guys remember this show/movie/video game? That was awesome”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38186992)



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Date: May 4th, 2019 8:12 PM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38187667)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 5:31 PM
Author: Don Kihote



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195912)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2019 4:20 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38186955)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 4th, 2019 11:26 PM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)

This book doesn't appeal to me at all, but I like Charles' threads. So, here I am.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38188304)



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Date: May 5th, 2019 2:40 AM
Author: Sotomayor McCheese

this is 180 c12

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38188743)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 5th, 2019 7:54 AM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38189096)



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Date: May 5th, 2019 2:00 PM
Author: King Stannis



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38190238)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 5:01 PM
Author: Driving back in silence from retirement home



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195726)



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Date: May 5th, 2019 5:15 PM
Author: modeling stock prices as coin flips

moar please

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38191103)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 8:56 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 12 Part 2

-After finishing his Morrow infodump, Wade opens his email, which reveals he's received more than 2 million new messages. Only two of them are from his authorized contact list, though, one from Aech and one from Art3mis (Does he really have no other friends? Actually, don't answer that).

-Wade finally calls Aech, who congratulates him for a bit, and then reveals that he's also at the Tomb of Horrors, waiting for it to reset at midnight. Knowing that Wade was too poor to leave Ludus much, Aech deduced the Tomb must be there and then quickly made the same discovery Wade did.

-Because of their pride as solos, Aech doesn't want Wade to help him (or vice versa), but Wade still gives him the tip to practice Joust while he waits.

-While Wade has kept his avatar ID secret from everyone at school, Aech laments that several people in his private chatroom know that he and Wade are both students on Ludus. In particular, they groan that I-r0k will probably be telling everybody that he knows them and that they're students, which will cause the Copper Key's location to become more widely known.

-After talking to Aech, Wade read's Art3mis's email, which is an utterly bland "haha wasn't that First Gate crazy" message:

"Dear Parzival,

Congrats! See? You’re famous now, just like I said. Although it looks like we’ve both been thrust into the limelight. Kinda scary, eh? Thanks for the tip about playing on the left side. You were right. Somehow, that did the trick. But don’t go thinking I owe you any favors, mister. :-) The First Gate was pretty wild, wasn’t it? Not at all what I expected. It would have been cool if Halliday had given me the option to play Ally Sheedy instead, but what can you do? This new riddle is a real head-scratcher, isn’t it? I hope it doesn’t take us another five years to decipher it. Anyhow, I just wanted to say that it was an honor to meet you. I hope our paths cross again soon.

Sincerely,

Art3mis

ps—Enjoy being #1 while you can, pal. It won’t last for long."

-Wade reads this message "grinning like a dopey schoolboy," then replies with his own bland message which he signs off with another fucking Star Wars reference:

"Dear Art3mis,

Congratulations to you, too. You weren’t kidding. Competition clearly brings out the best in you. You’re welcome for the tip about playing on the left. You totally owe me a favor now. ;-) The new riddle is a cinch. I think I’ve already got it figured out, actually. What’s the hold-up on your end? It was an honor to meet you, too. If you ever feel like hanging out in a chat room, let me know.

MTFBWYA, [May The Force Be With You, Always]

Parzival

ps—Are you challenging me? Bring the pain, woman."

-Wade notes that he re-wrote the above message "a few dozen times" before sending it. He tries to work on the Jade Key clue, but he can't focus because he's thinking constantly about Art3mis. The chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193381)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 8:59 AM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

holy shit Wade is MPA

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193387)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 6th, 2019 5:08 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195759)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 6th, 2019 5:42 PM
Author: anal sex



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195967)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 9:03 AM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker (remediation)

lmao

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198639)



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Date: May 10th, 2019 2:46 PM
Author: Wilbur Mercer, the supreme gentleman (Crypto Musk Ox)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216271)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 4:13 PM
Author: The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234333)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 11:07 AM
Author: Sporting Events

lol at this excruciating goonspeak working on any human female

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193847)



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Date: May 11th, 2019 9:26 AM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)

https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673cf/9ab833a4/warner-bros-pictures-world-premiere-of-ready-player-one-at-the-dolby-theatre-los-angeles-ca-usa-shutterstock-editorial-9478673cf.jpg

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38219429)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 10:30 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 13

Chapter 13

-Aech clears the First Gate early the next day, joining Art3mis and Wade at the top of the scoreboard.

-Wade goes to school that day, fearing that if he skips it will raise suspicions (didn't he say he's at risk of getting expelled if he misses more days?). It doesn't matter, though. Interest in the Hunt is so high that apparently half the students and many teachers don't bother showing up: "Since everyone at school knew my avatar by the name Wade3, no one paid any attention to me. Roaming the halls unnoticed, I decided that I enjoyed having a secret identity. It made me feel like Clark Kent or Peter Parker."

-I-r0k sends blackmail messages to Aech and Wade, warning that if they don't tell him how to find the Copper Key and FIrst Gate, he will reveal everything he knows about them publicly. They ignore him and he does precisely that. It takes a while for his posts to be noticed, though, as there are many FRAUDS claiming to know them and his claims get lost in the noise.

-At least two people see his posts and connect the dots, though, as two more users named "Daito" and "Shoto" obtain the Copper Key simultaneously and then clear the First Gate. Daito and shoto are the long and short swords used by Japanese samurai, so the names imply they are working together somehow. It seems a little unlikely that both those names would be available for two people to claim when the OASIS is 30 years old by now, but w/e that's a nitpick.

-Wade works a bit on the Jade Key clue, which is a good way to work in some references:

"The captain conceals the Jade Key

in a dwelling long neglected

But you can only blow the whistle

once the trophies are all collected

"According to my English Lit textbook, a poem with four lines of text and an alternate-line rhyme scheme was known as a quatrain, so that became my nickname for the riddle. Each night after school, I logged out of the OASIS and filled the blank pages of my grail diary with possible interpretations of the Quatrain.

"What “captain” was Anorak talking about? Captain Kangaroo? Captain America? Captain Buck Rogers in the twenty-fifth century? And where in the hell was this “dwelling long neglected”? That part of the clue seemed maddeningly nonspecific. Halliday’s boyhood home on Middletown couldn’t really be classified as “neglected,” but maybe he was talking about a different house in his hometown? That seemed too easy, and too close to the hiding place of the Copper Key.

"At first, I thought the neglected dwelling might be a reference to Revenge of the Nerds, one of Halliday’s favorite films. In that movie, the nerds of the title rent a dilapidated house and fix it up (during a classic ’80s music montage). I visited a re-creation of the Revenge of the Nerds house on the planet Skolnick and spent a day searching it, but it proved to be a dead end.

"The last two lines of the Quatrain were also a complete mystery. They seemed to say that once you found the neglected dwelling, you would have to collect a bunch of “trophies” and then blow some kind of whistle. Or did that line mean blow the whistle in the colloquial sense, as in “to reveal a secret or alert someone to a crime”? Either way, it didn’t make any sense to me. But I continued to go over each line, word by word, until my brain began to feel like Aquafresh toothpaste."

-One day after school, Wade goes through his many many emails. A lot are the standard congratulations, death threats, or insane rants, but he also receives offers to join major clans (deleted), to buy the rights to his life story (refused), and to commercially endorse products:

"An electronics retailer was interested in using my avatar to promote their line of OASIS immersion hardware so they could sell “Parzival-approved” haptic rigs, gloves, and visors. I also had offers from a pizza delivery chain, a shoe manufacturer, and an online store that sold custom avatar skins. There was even a toy company that wanted to manufacture a line of Parzival lunch boxes and action figures. These companies were offering to pay me in OASIS credits, which would be transferred directly to my avatar’s account.

"I couldn’t believe my luck. I replied to every single one of the endorsement inquires, saying that I would accept their offers under the following conditions: I wouldn’t have to reveal my true identity, and I would only do business through my OASIS avatar.

"I started receiving replies within the hour, with contracts attached. I couldn’t afford to have a lawyer look them over, but they all expired within a year’s time, so I just went ahead and signed them electronically [XO lawyers all have a stroke here] and e-mailed them back along with a three-dimensional model of my avatar, to be used for the commercials. I also received requests for an audio clip of my avatar’s voice, so I sent them a synthesized clip of a deep baritone that made me sound like one of those guys who did voice-overs for movie trailers."

-Wade has also received no fewer than five thousand emails (one every minute) from IOI, the villainous company behind the Sixers. The message is from IOI head of operations Nolan Sorrento, who offers a "highly lucrative business proposition." He says Wade gets the first chance to respond, but if he declines IOI will make the same offer to the other users on the scoreboard:

"My first impulse was to delete every single copy of the e-mail and pretend I’d never received it, but I changed my mind. I wanted to know exactly what IOI was going to offer. And I couldn’t pass up the chance to meet Nolan Sorrento, the Sixers’ infamous leader. There was no danger meeting with him via chatlink, as long as I was careful about what I said.

"I considered teleporting to Incipio before my “interview,” to buy a new skin for my avatar. Maybe a tailored suit. Something flashy and expensive. But then I thought better of it. I had nothing to prove to that corporate asshat. After all, I was famous now. I would roll into the meeting wearing my default skin and a fuck-off attitude. I would listen to their offer, then tell them to kiss my simulated ass. Maybe I’d record the whole thing and post it on YouTube."

-Before going to meet Sorrento, Wade gives his background: "He had a PhD in Computer Science. Prior to becoming head of operations at IOI, he’d been a high-profile game designer, overseeing the creation of several third-party RPGs that ran inside the OASIS. I’d played all of his games [between playing those hundreds of 80s and 90s games I guess], and they were actually pretty good. He’d been a decent coder, back before he sold his soul [Is being a top game designer in the 21st century really about coding? Isn't that basically grunt work?]. It was obvious why IOI had hired him to lead their lackeys. They figured a game designer would have the best chance of solving Halliday’s grand videogame puzzle. But Sorrento and the Sixers had been at it for over five years and still had nothing to show for their efforts. And now that gunter avatar names were appearing on the Scoreboard left and right, the IOI brass had to be freaking out. Sorrento was probably catching all kinds of heat from his superiors."

-Wade opens the chat icon and the chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193716)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 10:50 AM
Author: animeboi

"“Parzival-approved” haptic rigs, gloves, and visors. I also had offers from a pizza delivery chain, a shoe manufacturer, and an online store that sold custom avatar skins. There was even a toy company that wanted to manufacture a line of Parzival lunch boxes and action figures. These companies were offering to pay me in OASIS credits, which would be transferred directly to my avatar’s account."

Good thing to know that people living in trailers stacked on top of each other still have room and money for licensed consumer trash.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38193777)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 4:58 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195708)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 5:01 PM
Author: anal sex

to be fair people living in trailers crammed next to each other have time and money to lease cars and buy WWE merch right now

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195724)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 5:11 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

"until my brain began to feel like Aquafresh toothpaste."

I hope this one a Pulitzer

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195786)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 5:13 PM
Author: anal sex



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38195804)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 6:40 PM
Author: Sporting Events

Yeah what the fuck is this, what’s he trying to convey with this simile and why throw out a random brand name while he’s at it?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38196306)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 11:14 AM
Author: parzival

Shit yeah I got that Cap’n Crunch phreaking whistle reference right away!

*high fives*

*more high fives*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209964)



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Date: May 6th, 2019 10:46 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 14

Chapter 14

-As he connects to the chatlink, Wade materializes somewhere inside OASIS on either a space station or very large spaceship, overlooking a dozen OASIS planets.

-Chatlinks, Wade explains, are like chat rooms but far more expensive to operate. Instead of having a separate location outside the OASIS, chatlinks allow a person to project an in-game hologram of themselves into another OASIS location. Chatlinks are mostly used for business purposes, to allow a company to host a meetup at a specific OASIS location without having to transport people there.

-Sorrento walks in, "grinning like a jackal." As a perk of his position, his avatar looks like himself IRL rather than the standard Sixer look. He does wear the company uniform though: "a navy blue bodysuit with gold epaulettes at the shoulders."

-Wade tries to record the proceedings, but recording functions are blocked: "So much for my plan to post the interview on YouTube." So, is YouTube still a distinct website outside the OASIS? Or do you simply search for videos while inside the OASIS (when presumably OASIS itself could just host them)? Or is there a YouTube planet? It seems a little odd that YouTube is literally the ONLY major part of 21st century tech that still seems to be relevant in the 2040s.

-Wade shows his toughness by refusing to shake Sorrento's hand:

"He extended a gloved right hand. 'Nolan Sorrento, chief of operations. It’s an honor to meet you.'

"'Yeah,' I said, doing my best to sound aloof. 'Likewise, I guess.' Even as a chatlink projection, my avatar could still mime shaking his outstretched hand. Instead I just stared down at it as if he were offering me a dead rat. He dropped it after a few seconds, but his smile didn’t falter. It broadened."

-Sorrento leads Wade's hologram projection to a shuttle, which will carry them from IOI's space station to their home base planet, IOI-1: "It reminded me of the killer floating spheres in the Phantasm films." Haven't seen those movies and don't get the reference? Too bad I guess.

-To intimidate Wade, the shuttle orbits the planet, showing off IOI's vast armada of digital tanks, gunships, and spacecraft. Then, Sorrento has the shuttle go to three skyscrapers, replicas of their headquarters in Columbus, Ohio. Since GSS is also based in Columbus, the city has become a high-tech mecca, apparently spared the apocalyptic collapse that everywhere else has suffered: "Columbus was where an OASIS user could get the fastest, most reliable connection to the simulation. Most gunters dreamed of moving there someday, me included."

-To impress/intimidate Wade, Sorrento shows off IOI's oology department. Hundreds of OASIS users are strapped into advanced haptic rigs. Using some clever tech, IOI has worked around the OASIS one-person-per-avatar rule, and made it so one avatar can be controlled by a bunch of other people (who can themselves hop from avatar to avatar). Not only that, Sorrento says, "All of our oologists are voice-linked to a support team, composed of Halliday scholars, videogame experts, pop-culture historians, and cryptologists. They all work together to help each of our avatars overcome any challenge and solve every puzzle they encounter.” The message is clear: IOI has all the resources they need, and they're going to win.

-Wade isn't intimidated, so Sorrento moves on to his real offer: Wade can become his second-in-command, with a $2 million per year salary, plus a million dollar signing bonus and $25 million if he finds the Egg.

-Wade rejects IOI's offer in a pretty absurd scene where he seems to do some Reddit user's idea of tough guy rhetoric. It's worth posting in full:

"I leaned back and stared at the ceiling, pretending to consider the offer. Sorrento waited, watching me intently. I was about to give him my prepared answer when he raised a hand.

“'Just listen to me a moment before you answer,' Sorrento said. 'I know most gunters cling to the absurd notion that IOI is evil. And that the Sixers are ruthless corporate drones with no honor and no respect for the ‘true spirit’ of the contest. That we’re all sellouts. Right?'

"I nodded, barely resisting the urge to say 'That’s putting it mildly.'

"'Well, that’s ridiculous,' he said, flashing an avuncular grin that I suspected was generated by whatever diplomacy software he was running. 'The Sixers are really no different than a Gunter clan, albeit a well-funded one. We share all the same obsessions as gunters. And we have the same goal.'

What goal is that? I wanted to shout. To ruin the OASIS forever? To pervert and defile the only thing that has ever made our lives bearable? [I'm imagining a guy saying this during a screed bemoaning changes to World of Warcraft]

"Sorrento seemed to take my silence as a cue that he should continue. 'You know, contrary to popular belief, the OASIS really won’t change that drastically when IOI takes control of it. Sure, we’ll have to start charging everyone a monthly user fee. And increase the sim’s advertising revenue. But we also plan to make a lot of improvements. Avatar content filters. Stricter construction guidelines. We’re going to make the OASIS a better place.'

"No, I thought. You’re going to turn it into a fascist corporate theme park where the few people who can still afford the price of admission no longer have an ounce of freedom. I’d heard as much of this jerk’s sales pitch as I could stand.

"'OK,' I said. 'Count me in. Sign me up. Whatever you guys call it. I’m in.'

Sorrento looked surprised. This clearly wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. He smiled wide and was about to offer me his hand again when I cut him off.

"'But I have three minor conditions,' I said. 'First, I want a fifty-million-dollar bonus when I find the egg for you guys. Not twenty-five. Is that doable?'

"He didn’t even hesitate. 'Done. What are your other conditions?'

"'I don’t want to be second-in-command,' I said. 'I want your job, Sorrento. I want to be in charge of the whole shebang. Chief of operations. El Numero Uno. Oh, and I want everyone to have to call me El Numero Uno, too. Is that possible?'

"My mouth seemed to be operating independent of my brain. I couldn’t help myself.

"Sorrento’s smile had vanished. 'What else?'

"'I don’t want to work with you.' I leveled a finger at him. 'You give me the creeps. But if your superiors are willing to fire your ass and give me your position, I’m in. It’s a done deal.'

"Silence. Sorrento’s face was a stoic mask. He probably had certain emotions, like anger and rage, filtered out on his facial-recognition software.

"'Could you check with your bosses and let me know if they’ll agree to that?' I asked. 'Or are they monitoring us right now? I’m betting they are.' I waved to the invisible cameras. "'Hi, guys! What do you say?'

There was a long silence, during which Sorrento simply glared at me. 'Of course they’re monitoring us,' he said finally. 'And they’ve just informed me that they’re willing to agree to each of your demands.' He didn’t sound all that upset.

"'Really?' I said. 'Great! When can I start? And more importantly, when can you leave?'

“'Immediately,' he said. 'The company will prepare your contract and send it to your lawyer for approval. Then we—they will fly you here to Columbus to sign the paperwork and close the deal.' He stood. 'That should conclude—'

"'Actually—' I held up a hand, cutting him off again. 'I’ve spent the last few seconds thinking this over a bit more, and I’m gonna have to pass on your offer. I think I’d rather find the egg on my own, thanks.' I stood up. 'You and the other Sux0rz can all go fuck a duck.'”

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38197430)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 2:44 AM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

PWN PWN PWN

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198146)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 2:54 AM
Author: anal sex

This is incredible. we need a final solution to the YA novel problem

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198150)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 8:40 AM
Author: animeboi

I don't think RP1 is considered YA. It's 'adult'.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198582)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 11:37 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

I’m disappointed he didn’t yell out “PYSCHE” would’ve been very 80s

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199184)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 11:46 AM
Author: animeboi

It's actually spelled "sike", as us real 80s kids know.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199227)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 11:56 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

I can just imagine the movie theater jumping up and cheering at this dramatic pause when he reverses and tells him to fuck a duck

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199280)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 9:42 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

holy shit what a BIG WILLY reversal there



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198727)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 10:11 AM
Author: Sporting Events

Nice try Charles, but there’s no way this is real

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38198831)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 11:02 AM
Author: Royall Jenkins

TWIST: IOI fired up the engines to the plane to pick him up the second Sortoro said IOI accepts. A contract was formed and partial performance defeats statute of frauds. GAME OVER

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199044)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 11:07 AM
Author: Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success

even the synopsis is too cringe-inducing for me to finish. this is terrible, just terrible.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199074)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 12:31 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199393)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 1:54 PM
Author: .....................:......:::.......;...........


this is incredible thank you for doing this

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38199738)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 2:52 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 14 Part 2

-After Wade rudely rejects their first offer, Sorrento makes a second one, offering Wade $5 million right now for a step-by-step guide on clearing the Copper Key and First Gate. Wade briefly considers, but then refuses again: "Can’t you take a hint? You can’t buy me. So piss off. Adios. Good. Bye."

-After that, Sorrento makes his third offer: Help us, or we'll kill you:

'That’s right,' Sorrento barked [would he really bark this, like a shouted order?]. 'We know who you are. Wade Owen Watts. Born August twelfth, 2024. Both parents deceased. And we also know where you are. You reside with your aunt, in a trailer park located at 700 Portland Avenue in Oklahoma City. Unit 56-K, to be exact. According to our surveillance team, you were last seen entering your aunt’s trailer three days ago and you haven’t left since. Which means you’re still there right now.'

"A vidfeed window opened directly behind him, displaying a live video image of the stacks where I lived. It was an aerial view, maybe being shot from a plane or a satellite. From this angle, they could only monitor the trailer’s two main exits. So they hadn’t seen me leave through the laundry room window each morning, or return through it each night. They didn’t know I was actually in my hideout right now.

...

"'Your first instinct right now might be to log out and make a run for it,' Sorrento said. 'I urge you not to make that mistake. Your trailer is currently wired with a large quantity of high explosives.' He pulled something that looked like a remote control out of his pocket and held it up. “And my finger is on the detonator. If you log out of this chatlink session, you will die within a few seconds. Do you understand what I’m saying to you, Mr. Watts?'

-Sorrento reveals that finding Wade's identity was easy; they just bribed some scandalously underpaid OASIS school admins for his enrollment records. He shows a profile with all of Wade's personal information, including his Social Security number (apparently Social Security is still operating in the post-apocalyptic hellscape). Then, he makes his final offer:

"'So, that brings me to our final proposal.' Sorrento rubbed his hands together excitedly [really?], like a kid about to open a present. 'Tell us how to reach the First Gate. Right now. Or we will kill you. Right now.'"

-Wade suggests IOI is bluffing, and Sorrento assures him they are not, with a short screed that says a lot about Wade's world:

"'No, Wade. I’m not. Think about it. With everything else that’s going on in the world, do you think anyone will care about an explosion in some ghetto-trash rat warren in Oklahoma City? They’ll assume it was a drug-lab accident. Or maybe a domestic terrorist cell trying to build a homemade bomb. Either way, it will just mean there are a few hundred less human cockroaches out there collecting food vouchers and using up precious oxygen. No one will care. And the authorities won’t even blink.'"

-Sorrento says that if Wade helps them complete the First Gate, they'll still pay him the $5 million. But Wade decides that they must be bluffing, or planning to kill him no matter what, and he rejects their offer. He logs out, and IOI promptly blows up his stack and several adjacent ones, while others topple similar to dominoes. Hundreds are killed. As Wade leaves his hideout to observe the devastation, he sees people trying to fight the resulting fires with "garden hoses, buckets, empty Big Gulp cups, and whatever else they could find."

-Wade watches the situation briefly, and then flees back to his hideout, fearing that IOI may have agents lurking about to make sure he's dead. He also gives up surprisingly quickly on the idea of fingering IOI for the attack:

"Eventually, the shock began to wear off, and the reality of what had just happened started to sink in. My aunt Alice and her boyfriend Rick were dead, along with everyone who had lived in our trailer, and in the trailers below and around it. Including sweet old Mrs. Gilmore. And if I had been at home, I would be dead now too.

"I was jacked up on adrenaline, unsure of what to do next, overcome by a paralyzing mixture of fear and rage. I thought about logging into the OASIS to call the police, but then considered how they would react when I told them my story. They’d think I was a raving nut job. And if I called the media, they’d react the same way. There was no way anyone would believe my story. Not unless I revealed that I was Parzival, and maybe not even then. I didn’t have a shred of proof against Sorrento and the Sixers. All traces of the bomb they’d planted were probably melting into slag right now. Revealing my identity to the world so that I could accuse one of the world’s most powerful corporations of blackmail and murder didn’t seem like the smartest move. No one would believe me."

-A few thoughts there: First, I guess Mrs. Gilmore really was a one-off character who was only put in to add a tiny bit of emotional weight to all those people getting killed. Second, I feel that the death of literally HUNDREDS of people probably would get at least a cursory police investigation, and they'd be able to distinguish between a meth lab fire and a deliberate demolition, but hey, it's Cline's world, not mine. I do feel like this world has a very unstable level of shittiness throughout the narrative though. Early on, it was nuclear war and mass starvation, later on it was "rolling blackouts and not too many jobs," and now it's back to "things are so bad hundreds of people dying is nbd."

-The chapter ends with Wade resolving to speak to Aech as soon as possible, and then get the heck out of Oklahoma City before IOI realizes he's still alive.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200120)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 3:14 PM
Author: Sporting Events

seems like it would have been easier and a little more "low-profile" to just kidnap and interrogate the nerd if they knew his identity and location imo

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200271)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 3:17 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Or have him quietly killed, which police will blame on the local drug dealers and pedophiles who apparently stalk the stacks daily.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200311)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 4:28 PM
Author: Sotomayor McCheese

no, no, waterboarding this fat unathletic neckbeard would surely not have yielded any information. he is a rock.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200858)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 4:33 PM
Author: Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38200900)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 5:08 PM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38201191)



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Date: May 7th, 2019 8:25 PM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker (remediation)

rule #1 in the dog eat dog profit worshiping corporate world: when u have the opportunity to blow a postmodern highrise to smithereens u take the shot no matter whether doing so undermines ur core corporate strategy

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38202183)



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Date: May 8th, 2019 12:38 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 15

Chapter 15

-Wade logs back into the OASIS. He pops up on Ludus, where an army of Sixers are now scouring the planet. Wade comments that with so many ships flying about, "it looked like an alien invasion." I'm honestly shocked he didn't find a way to squeeze a reference in there. "It looked like Empire assaulting Hoth," maybe. Very sloppy, Cline.

-Wade calls Aech, who laments that I-r0k is clearly to blame for the Sixers arriving on Ludus. Wade tells him everything that has happened, but mercifully this simply happens without repeating all of it.

-Wade hasn't really shown too much sadness about everybody he knows being murdered, so Cline belatedly has Wade be very sad about Mrs. Gilmore:

"'What about your family?'

"'It was my aunt’s place. She’s dead, I think. We … we weren’t very close.' This was a huge understatement, of course. My aunt Alice had never shown me much kindness, but she still hadn’t deserved to die. But most of the wrenching guilt I now felt had to do with Mrs. Gilmore, and the knowledge that my actions had gotten her killed. She was one of the sweetest people I’d ever known. I realized that I was sobbing.I muted my audio so Aech wouldn’t hear, then took several deep breaths until I got myself under control again."

-Wade warns Aech that IOI will come after him too, but Aech registered for school under a fake name (so...can he even graduate?), and he says he has no fixed address, so he's fine. Aech then proposes a meetup of the five people to have cleared the First Gate, and Wade agrees.

-At midnight Art3mis, Daito, and Shoto all arrive at Aech's chatroom. Art3mis observes Aech's 80s decorations (which, given the global 80s obsession of this book, should be pretty common) and remarks that this is "by far, the coolest chat room I’ve ever seen." As a reminder, at the start of the book the room was described this way: "He’d programmed it to look like a large suburban rec room, circa the late 1980s. Old movie and comic book posters covered the wood-paneled walls. A vintage RCA television stood in the center of the room, hooked up to a Betamax VCR, a LaserDisc player, and several vintage videogame consoles. Bookshelves lined the far wall, filled with role-playing game supplements and back issues of Dragon magazine."

Oddly, though, Cline now retcons the room. While at the start it was just "a large suburban rec room" inspired by the 80s, Art3mis now comments that it's a perfect replica of Ogden Morrow's own basement, which I guess is the platonic basement ideal now. She comments that Aech got "every last detail" right, so along with memorizing entire movies like Wade, I guess she's also memorized the layout of a famous basement.

-Wade angsts: "They really seemed to be hitting it off, and it was making me crazy jealous. I didn’t want Art3mis to like Aech, or vice versa. I wanted her all to myself."

-Daito and Shoto arrive. As their names suggested, they both arrive with avatars that look Japanese, and are decked out in samurai armor. They also look like two brothers, with one about 18 and the other about 13. They took only three years to decipher Halliday's super-difficult clue and realize that the "tomb full of horrors" was the Tomb of Horrors. They'd spent two years searching for it on "dozens" of planets but only realized to look on Ludus when I-r0k made his dumb forum posts.

-Art3mis has apparently set up a virtual camera near the Copper Key, so she shows live footage of the Sixers surrounding the Tomb of Horrors. Since Ludus is a no-PVP zone, the Sixers can't kill avatars that approach the tomb, but instead they've put up two layers of forcefields to block access. Daito and Shoto reveal that if multiple people enter the Jousting room, multiple machines will appear, meaning IOI can quickly have dozens or even hundreds of their employees obtain the Key.

-BTW, Daito and Shoto behave like paper-thin Japanese stereotypes. The bow a bunch, and when Wade reveals that the Sixers can cheat the one-person-per-avatar system, Daito laments that "The Sixers have no honor."

-The conversation is going along in a very friendly, convivial manner when it suddenly collapses into a contrived fight because Aech suddenly becomes an asshole:

Aech kicked the coffee table in frustration. 'This isn’t even remotely fair,' he said. 'The Sixers have a huge advantage over all of us. They’ve got an endless supply of money, weapons, vehicles, and avatars. There are thousands of them, all working together.'

"'Right,' I said. 'And each of us is on our own. Well, except for you two.' I nodded at Daito and Shoto. 'But you know what I mean. They’ve got us outnumbered and outgunned, and that isn’t going to change anytime soon.'

"'What are you suggesting?' Daito asked. He suddenly sounded uneasy.

"''I’m not suggesting anything,' I said. 'I’m just stating the facts, as I see them.'

"'Good,' Daito replied. 'Because it sounded like you were about to propose some sort of alliance between the five of us.'

"Aech studied him carefully. 'So? Would that be such a terrible idea?'

'Yes, it would,' Daito said curtly. 'My brother and I hunt alone. We don’t want or need your help.'

"'Oh really?' Aech said. 'A second ago, you admitted needing Parzival’s help to find the Tomb of Horrors.'

Daito’s eyes narrowed. 'We would have found it on our own eventually.'

"'Right,' Aech said. 'It probably would have only taken you another five years.'

"'Come on, Aech,' I said, stepping between them. 'This isn’t helping.'

Aech and Daito glared at each other in silence, while Shoto stared up at his brother uncertainly. Art3mis just stood back and watched, looking somewhat amused.

"'We didn’t come here to be insulted,' Daito said finally. 'We’re leaving.'

"'Hold on, Daito,' I said. 'Just wait a second, will you? Let’s just talk this out. We shouldn’t part as enemies. We’re all on the same side here.'

'No,' Daito said. 'We’re not. You’re all strangers to us. For all we know, any one of you could be a Sixer spy.'"

-So anyway, Daito and Shoto storm off, but then abruptly Aech adopts the position they'd taken to keep fighting with Art3mis and Wade. In fact, on literally the same page where he asks "would [teaming up] be such a terrible idea?," Aech also says "there’s no point in discussing an alliance." Real coherent mindset, guys.

-Art3mis leaves as well, and then Aech starts ribbing Wade about his crush, while calling Art3mis "super cute." To change the subject, Wade trolls Aech about...vocabulary:

"'So, have you had any luck with the new riddle?' I said, deliberately changing the subject. 'That quatrain about the Jade Key?'

"'Quatrain?'

"'A poem or stanza with four lines and an alternating rhyme scheme,' I recited. 'It’s called a quatrain.'

Aech rolled his eyes. 'You’re too much, man.'

"'What? That’s the proper term for it, asshead!'

-As Wade is about to leave, a pile of comics in the corner of Aech's chatroom collapses. That's not normal for the OASIS. Is it some invisible spy? A glitch? Neither of them know, but I imagine it will be some Epic Twist later.

-As this boring chapter ends, Wade and Aech part ways with a reference. "We bumped fists again, like the Wonder Twins activating their powers."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38203443)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 8th, 2019 8:20 AM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

Lmao at filthy casuals who don't memorize the layouts of famous basements.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38204113)



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Date: May 8th, 2019 10:17 AM
Author: Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38204455)



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Date: May 8th, 2019 11:40 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38204901)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 8th, 2019 8:40 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 16

Chapter 16

-A few hours later, the scoreboard starts to fill up with IOI avatar names, beginning with Sorrento's avatar. Wade assumes he cheated his way through the challenges using IOI's avatar-sharing tech. Within a day, sixty more IOI avatars clear the First Gate.

-Meanwhile, word spreads and thousands of gunters begin teleporting to Ludus. They cause so much tumult that the OASIS public schools abandon the planet for a new identical one constructed next door, Ludus 2 (okay, I genuinely found this funny). Classes resume on Ludus 2 while gunters and IOI battle over the shell of the old planet.

-Ludus is a no-PVP zone, but the planet still becomes a war zone. Cline relishes in the details of the digital battle:

"All of the large gunter clans immediately banded together to launch a full-scale assault on the Sixers’ force field, trying everything they could think of to bring it down or circumvent it. The Sixers had installed teleportation disruptors, which prevented anyone from transporting inside the force field via technological means. They had also stationed a team of high-level wizards around the tomb. These magic users cast spells around the clock, keeping the entire area encased in a temporary null-magic zone. This prevented the force fields from being bypassed by any magical means.

"The clans began to bombard the outer force field with rockets, missiles, nukes, and harsh language. They laid siege to the tomb all night, but the following morning, both force fields remained intact.

"In desperation, the clans decided to break out the heavy artillery. They pooled their resources and purchased two very expensive, very powerful antimatter bombs on eBay [OASIS doesn't have its own shop for buying these things?]

"They detonated both of them in sequence, just a few seconds apart. The first bomb took down the outer shield, and the second bomb finished the job. The moment the second force field went down, thousands of gunters (all unharmed by the bomb blasts, due to the no-PvP zone) swarmed into the tomb and clogged the corridors of the dungeon below. Soon, thousands of gunters (and Sixers) had crammed into the burial chamber, all ready to challenge the lich king to a game of Joust. Multiple copies of the king appeared, one for every avatar who set foot on the dais. Ninety-five percent of the gunters who challenged him lost and were then killed. But a few gunters were successful, and at the bottom of the Scoreboard, listed after the High Five and the dozens of IOI employee numbers, new avatar names began to appear. Within a few days, the list of avatars on the Scoreboard was over a hundred names long."

-The following day, the murder of literally hundreds of people's in Wade's stack merits "a brief story about it on one of the local newsfeeds." Apparently, the Sixers have planted evidence to make it look like a meth lab exploded, and it works. The police almost immediately stop investigating.

-Wade ditches Oklahoma City for good. With his endorsement money, he buys a one-way bus ticket to Columbus. The bus sounds like...something else:

"It was a double-decker, with armor plating, bulletproof windows, and solar panels on the roof. A rolling fortress. I had a window seat, two rows behind the driver, who was encased in a bulletproof Plexiglas box. A team of six heavily armed guards rode on the bus’s upper deck, to protect the vehicle and its passengers in the event of a hijacking by road agents or scavengers—a distinct possibility once we ventured out into the lawless badlands that now existed outside of the safety of large cities."

If the rural areas of America are that dangerous, how is it even possible to sustain such heavily-populated urban areas? Wouldn't maintaining consistent food supplies be incredibly difficult?

-It takes Wade several days to reach Columbus, due to the decaying interstate highways. As he travels, he stays jacked into the OASIS (wireless Internet infrastructure hasn't suffered the damage everything else has, I guess) and buys a new identity on the black market:

"My new status as a world-famous gunter gave me all kinds of underworld credibility, which helped me get access to a highly exclusive illegal data-auction site known as the L33t Hax0rz Warezhaus [what], and for a shockingly small amount of money, I was able to purchase a series of access procedures and passwords for the USCR (United States Citizen Registry) database. Using these, I was able to log into the database and access my existing citizen profile, which had been created when I enrolled for school. I deleted my fingerprints and retinal patterns, then replaced them with those of someone deceased (my father) [I guess they were lying around?]. Then I copied my own fingerprints and retinal patterns into a completely new identity profile that I'd created, under the name Bryce Lynch. I made Bryce twenty-two years old and gave him a brand-new Social Security number, an immaculate credit rating, and a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. When I wanted to become my old self again, all I had to do was delete the Lynch identity and copy my prints and retinal patterns back over to my original file."

-Despite being in the single most-desirable city in the country, Wade is able to get a cheap efficiency apartment in downtown. It's basically paradise for him:

"Each unit had been modified to meet the very specific needs of a full-time gunter. It had everything I wanted. Low rent, a high-end security system, and steady, reliable access to as much electricity as I could afford. Most important, it offered a direct fiber-optic connection to the main OASIS server vault, which was located just a few miles away. This was the fastest and most secure type of Internet connection available, and since it wasn’t provided by IOI or one of its subsidiaries, I wouldn’t have to be paranoid about them monitoring my connection or trying to trace my location. I would be safe."

-Cline describes his arrival in Columbus with, shockingly, a non-80s reference: "Finally, after it felt like we’d been crawling along the highway for months, the Columbus skyline appeared on the horizon, glittering like Oz at the end of the yellow brick road. We arrived around sunset, and already there were more electric lights burning in the city than I’d ever seen at one time. I’d read that giant solar arrays were positioned throughout the city, along with two heliostat power plants on its outskirts. They drank in the sun’s power all day, stored it, and fed it back out each night."

-Upon arrival, Wade hails an "autocab," which has to navigate some busy streets full of traffic. Columbus is so prosperous that it's been spared the total collapse of car culture everywhere else.

-Wade arrives at his apartment, checks in, and makes a solemn vow: "There was no furniture in the cube-shaped room, and only one window. I stepped inside, closed the door, and locked it behind me. Then I made a silent vow not to go outside again until I had completed my quest. I would abandon the real world altogether until I found the egg."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38207585)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 8th, 2019 8:45 PM
Author: anal sex

Apparently, the Sixers have planted evidence to make it look like a meth lab exploded, and it works. The police almost immediately stop investigating.

https://www.invidio.us/watch?v=OY-9P_CnNZg

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38207608)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 10:23 AM
Author: Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success

This sounds almost like a normal novel for a chapter. I found your summary readable and somewhat interesting. Is the book starting to become more narrative focused and less reference-based?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209788)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 10:41 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

There definitely wasn’t as much to make fun of this chapter. Very few references, so the only cringe bits are his unsteady worldbuilding and the paradise of being a perpetual shut-in.

We just finished Part 1, though, and are about halfway through, so we’ll see how the book transitions in the second half.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209850)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 10:35 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

this makes it sound like some bizarro version of Canticle for Liebowitz. nuclear war, breakdown of society, team of devoted mystics seeking to find ancient knowledge lost to the ages

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209825)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 10:55 AM
Author: Royall Jenkins

Your posts ITT are now the highlight of my day. JFC

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209891)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 8:49 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Thank

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38214688)



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Date: May 10th, 2019 12:50 PM
Author: parzival



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215777)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 2:54 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216307)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 11:03 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Shower thought: In a time of severe energy crisis and widespread violence, how is a building with high-level security and unlimited electricity “low rent?” Also he says it’s catered to full-time gunters; if that’s the case why is the high-level security so important? It matters to Wade because IOI may try to murder him. But a full-time gunter presumably has very few real-world possessions of note, so would they need a ton of security?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209916)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 11:05 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed (AJiP)

if you want to give him far more credit than he deserves, it's a metacommentary on world-building in video games and movies, where the protagonist always happens to meet just the right person to move the plot along; an armory appears when he needs a sword; the wizard joins his party just at the moment the bad guys are getting more difficult, etc etc etc

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209923)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 11:16 AM
Author: animeboi

Personally I like Snow Crash's solution to the cyberpunk housing crisis where self-storage units were being openly rented out as residential units.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38209973)



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Date: May 9th, 2019 11:30 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 17

Chapter 17

-And we're into part 2! We have a small sign of hope for this book, as this part opens with this quote from Groucho Marx: "I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal."

-Aaaaaaand then the chapter opens with an online chat between Parzival and Art3mis. Fuck it, let's post the whole thing:

Art3mis: You there?

Parzival: Yes! Hey! I can’t believe you finally responded to one of my chat requests.

Art3mis: Only to ask you to cut it out. It’s a bad idea for us to start chatting.

Parzival: Why? I thought we were friends.

Art3mis: You seem like a great guy. But we’re competitors. Rival gunters. Sworn enemies. You know the drill.

Parzival: We don’t have to talk about anything related to the Hunt.…

Art3mis: Everything is related to the Hunt.

Parzival: Come on. At least give it at shot. Let’s start over. Hi, Art3mis! How have you been?

Art3mis: Fine. Thanks for asking. You?

Parzival: Outstanding. Listen, why are we using this ancient text-only chat interface? I can host a virtual chat room for us.

Art3mis: I prefer this.

Parzival: Why?

Art3mis: As you may recall, I tend to ramble in real time. When I have to type out everything I want to say, I come off as less of a flibbertigibbet.

Parzival: I don’t think you’re a flibbertigibbet. You’re enchanting.

Art3mis: Did you just use the word “enchanting”?

Parzival: What I typed is right there in front of you, isn’t it?

Art3mis: That’s very sweet. But you’re full of crap.

Parzival: I am totally and completely serious.

Art3mis: So, how’s life at the top of the Scoreboard, hotshot? Sick of being famous yet?

Parzival: I don’t feel famous.

Art3mis: Are you kidding? The whole world is dying to find out who you really are. You’re a rock star, man.

Parzival: You’re just as famous as I am. And if I’m such a rock star, how come the media always portrays me as some unwashed geek who never goes outside?

Art3mis: I take it you saw that SNL skit they did about us?

Parzival: Yes. Why does everyone assume I’m an antisocial nut job?

Art3mis: You’re not antisocial?

Parzival: No! Maybe. OK, yes. But I have excellent personal hygiene. [FACT CHECK: ]

Art3mis: At least they got your gender correct. Everyone thinks I’m a man in real life.

Parzival: That’s because most gunters are male, and they can’t accept the idea that a woman has beaten and/or outsmarted them. [Oh ho! Wade isn't one of THOSE guys]

Art3mis: I know. Neanderthals.

Parzival: So you’re telling me, definitively, that you are a female? IRL?

Art3mis: You should have already figured that out on your own, Clouseau. [Wow these gunters had time to watch Pink Panther? That's a 60s movie]

Parzival: I did. I have.

Art3mis: Have you?

Parzival: Yes. After analyzing the available data, I’ve concluded that you must be a female.

Art3mis: Why must I?

Parzival: Because I don’t want to find out that I’ve got a crush on some 300 lb. dude named Chuck who lives in his mother’s basement in suburban Detroit. [Wait, at the start of the book he said the suburbs disintegrated from the energy crisis]

Art3mis: You’ve got a crush on me?

Parzival: You should have already figured that out on your own, Clouseau.

Art3mis: What if I were a 300 lb. gal named Charlene, who lives in her mom’s basement in suburban Detroit? Would you still have a crush on me then?

Parzival: I don’t know. Do you live in your mother’s basement?

Art3mis: No.

Parzival: Yeah. Then I probably still would. [Cline's wife: https://editorial01.shutterstock.com/wm-preview-1500/9478673cf/9ab833a4/warner-bros-pictures-world-premiere-of-ready-player-one-at-the-dolby-theatre-los-angeles-ca-usa-shutterstock-editorial-9478673cf.jpg ]

Art3mis: So I’m supposed to believe you’re one of those mythical guys who only cares about a woman’s personality, and not about the package it comes in?

Parzival: Why is it that you assume I’m a man?

Art3mis: Please. It’s obvious. I get nothing but boy-vibes coming from you.

Parzival: Boy-vibes? What, do I use masculine sentence structure or something?

Art3mis: Don’t change the subject. You were saying you have a crush on me?

Parzival: I’ve had a crush on you since before we even met. From reading your blog and watching your POV. I’ve been cyber-stalking you for years. [damn, what a CHAD]

Art3mis: But you still don’t really know anything about me. Or my real personality.

Parzival: This is the OASIS. We exist as nothing but raw personality in here.

Art3mis: I beg to differ. Everything about our online personas is filtered through our avatars, which allows us to control how we look and sound to others. The OASIS lets you be whoever you want to be. That’s why everyone is addicted to it.

Parzival: So, IRL, you’re nothing like the person I met that night in the tomb?

Art3mis: That was just one side of me. The side I chose to show you.

Parzival: Well, I liked that side. And if you showed me your other sides, I’m sure I’d like those, too.

Art3mis: You say that now. But I know how these things work. Sooner or later, you’ll demand to see a picture of the real me.

Parzival: I’m not the sort who makes demands. Besides, I’m definitely not going to show you a photo of me.

Art3mis: Why? Are you butt ugly?

Parzival: You’re such a hypocrite!

Art3mis: So? Answer the question, Claire. [I guess this is a Breakfast Club reference?] Are you ugly?

Parzival: I must be.

Art3mis: Why?

Parzival: The female of the species has always found me repellent. [Damn this guy is worse than me]

Art3mis: I don’t find you repellent.

Parzival: Of course not. That’s because you’re an obese man named Chuck who likes to chat up ugly young boys online.

Art3mis: So you’re a young man?

Parzival: Relatively young.

Art3mis: Relative to what?

Parzival: To a fifty-three-year-old guy like you, Chuck. Does your mom let you live in that basement rent-free or what?

Art3mis: Is that really what you’re picturing?

Parzival: If it were, I wouldn’t be chatting with you right now.

Art3mis: So what do you imagine I look like, then?

Parzival: Like your avatar, I suppose. Except, you know, without the armor, guns, or glowing sword.

Art3mis: You’re kidding, right? That’s the first rule of online romances, pal. No one ever looks anything like their avatar.

Parzival: Are we going to have an online romance? <crosses fingers>

Art3mis: No way, ace. Sorry.

Parzival: Why not?

Art3mis: No time for love, Dr. Jones. My cyber-porn addiction eats up most of my free time. [Finally some honesty] And searching for the Jade Key takes up the rest. That’s what I should be doing right now, in fact.

Parzival: Yeah. So should I. But talking to you is more fun.

Art3mis: How about you?

Parzival: How about me what?

Art3mis: Do you have time for an online romance?

Parzival: I’ve got time for you.

Art3mis: You’re too much.

Parzival: I’m not even laying it on thick yet.

Art3mis: Do you have a job? Or are you still in high school?

Parzival: High school. I graduate next week.

Art3mis: You shouldn’t reveal stuff like that! I could be a Sixer spy trying to profile you.

Parzival: The Sixers already profiled me, remember? They blew up my house. Well, it was a trailer. But they blew it up.

Art3mis: I know. I’m still freaked out about that. I can only imagine how you feel.

Parzival: Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Art3mis: Bon appetit. What do you do when you’re not hunting?

Parzival: I refuse to answer any more questions until you start reciprocating.

Art3mis: Fine. Quid pro quo, Dr. Lecter. We’ll take turns asking questions. Go ahead.

Parzival: Do you work, or go to school?

Art3mis: College.

Parzival: Studying what?

Art3mis: It’s my turn. What do you do when you’re not hunting?

Parzival: Nothing. Hunting is all I do. I’m hunting right now, in fact. Multitasking all over the goddamn place.

Art3mis: Same here.

Parzival: Really? I’ll keep an eye on the Scoreboard then. Just in case.

Art3mis: You do that, ace.

Parzival: What are you studying? In college?

Art3mis: Poetry and Creative Writing. [Very brave when the economy is tanked and a useful credential would be immensely valuable!]

Parzival: That makes sense. You’re a fantastic writer. [Citation needed]

Art3mis: Thanks for the compliment. How old are you?

Parzival: Just turned 18 last month. You?

Art3mis: Don’t you think we’re getting a little too personal now?

Parzival: Not even remotely.

Art3mis: 19.

Parzival: Ah. An older woman. Hot.

Art3mis: That is, if I am a woman …

Parzival: Are you a woman?

Art3mis: It’s not your turn.

Parzival: Fine.

Art3mis: How well do you know Aech?

Parzival: He’s been my best friend for five years. Now, spill it. Are you a woman? And by that I mean are you a human female who has never had a sex-change operation? [Whoah, that's NOT okay. Trans women ARE women, bigot]

Art3mis: That’s pretty specific.

Parzival: Answer the question, Claire.

Art3mis: I am, and always have been, a human female. Have you ever met Aech IRL?

Parzival: No. Do you have any siblings?

Art3mis: No. You?

Parzival: Nope. You got parents?

Art3mis: They died. The flu. So I was raised by my grandparents. You got parentage?

Parzival: No. Mine are dead too.

Art3mis: It kinda sucks, doesn’t it? Not having your parents around.

Parzival: Yeah. But a lot of people are worse off than me.

Art3mis: I tell myself that all the time. So … are you and Aech working as a duo?

Parzival: Oh, here we go.…

Art3mis: Well? Are you?

Parzival: No. He asked me the same thing about you and me, you know. Because you cleared the First Gate a few hours after I did.

Art3mis: Which reminds me—why did you give me that tip? About changing sides on the Joust game?

Parzival: I felt like helping you.

Art3mis: Well, you shouldn’t make that mistake again. Because I’m the one who’s going to win. You do realize that, right?

Parzival: Yeah, yeah. We’ll see.

Art3mis: You’re not holding up your end of our Q & A, goof. You’re, like, five questions behind.

Parzival: Fine. What color is your hair? IRL?

Art3mis: Brunette.

Parzival: Eyes?

Art3mis: Blue.

Parzival: Just like your avatar, eh? Do you have the same face and body, too?

Art3mis: As far as you know.

Parzival: OK. What’s your favorite movie? Of all time?

Art3mis: It changes. Right now? Probably Highlander.

Parzival: You’ve got great taste, lady.

Art3mis: I know. I have a thing for evil bald bad guys. The Kurgan is too sexy.

Parzival: I’m going to shave my head right now. And start wearing leather.

Art3mis: Send photos. Listen, I gotta go in a few minutes, Romeo. You can ask me one last question. Then I need to get some sleep.

Parzival: When can we chat again?

Art3mis: After one of us finds the egg.

Parzival: That could take years.

Art3mis: So be it.

Parzival: Can I at least keep e-mailing you?

Art3mis: Not a good idea.

Parzival: You can’t stop me from e-mailing you.

Art3mis: Actually, I can. I can block you on my contact list.

Parzival: You wouldn’t do that, though. Would you?

Art3mis: Not if you don’t force me to.

Parzival: Harsh. Unnecessarily harsh.

Art3mis: Good night, Parzival.

Parzival: Farewell, Art3mis. Sweet dreams.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38213626)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 9:06 AM
Author: animeboi

No way I'm reading that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38214710)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 11:20 AM
Author: wait till biggus dickus hears of this

You made the right decision

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215335)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 11:21 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

This is not TCR

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215340)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 11:26 AM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215353)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 9:14 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed

This is a verbatim transcript of an AOL chat between clines and his then-gf circa 2001

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38214733)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 1:44 PM
Author: anal sex

the 300 lb comment had to be appropriated from IRL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215984)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 11:04 AM
Author: biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm (πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‘)

"Parzival: This is the OASIS. We exist as nothing but raw personality in here."

Like XO?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215234)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:28 PM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

She likes baldmos, your should go for her charles

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216494)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 12:22 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 17 Part 2

-And from that boring chat session, a great romance is born. Weekly emails escalate to daily, deeply personal ones, followed by private chat-room meetups. Wade and Art3mis play board games, watch movies, listen to music. Their relationship blossoms. Mercifully, this time, Wade simply tells instead of shows:

"We talked for hours. Long, rambling conversations about everything under the sun. Spending time with her was intoxicating. We seemed to have everything in common. We shared the same interests. We were driven by the same goal. She got all of my jokes. She made me laugh. She made me think. She changed the way I saw the world. I’d never had such a powerful, immediate connection with another human being before."

-Wade graduates from high school in June, several months after finding the Key. He says he stopped going to class entirely the day he fled the stacks, and apparently this was completely fine, even though earlier Wade said that attendance matters and he was at risk of being expelled. Also, if Wade doesn't need to show up at all because "I already had more than enough credits to receive my diploma," and it's much better to focus on gunting, why the heck was he attending classes at all? Was it just because Cline needed him to be in Latin Class to justify the realization that led him to the key?

-Wade also decides to level up his avatar to level 99. Previously, it took him years to gain just two levels, but now with more money and time it's easy, and he gets to 99 in just a few weeks by completing quests and stuff.

"Art3mis and I even teamed up for a few quests. We visited the planet Goondocks and finished the entire Goonies quest in just one day. Arty played through it as Martha Plimpton’s character, Stef, while I played as Mikey, Sean Astin’s character. It was entirely too much fun."

-Wade keeps working hard at his...research:

"For a while, I thought that the whistle in the third line [of the Jade Key clue] might be a reference to a late-’60s Japanese TV show called The Space Giants, which had been dubbed in English and rebroadcast in the United States in the ’70s and ’80s. The Space Giants (called Maguma Taishi in Japan) featured a family of transforming robots who lived in a volcano and battled an evil alien villain named Rodak. Halliday referred to this show several times in Anorak’s Almanac, citing it as one of his childhood favorites. One of the show’s main characters was a boy named Miko, who would blow a special whistle to summon the robots to his aid. I watched all fifty-two ultra-cheesy episodes of The Space Giants, back-to-back, while wolfing down corn chips and taking notes. But when the viewing marathon was over, I still wasn’t any closer to understanding the Quatrain’s meaning. I’d hit another dead end. I decided that Halliday must be referring to some other whistle."

-Wade finally has a breakthrough on the clue, not by doing any real puzzle work, but by just getting another reference:

"I was watching a collection of vintage ’80s cereal commercials when I paused to wonder why cereal manufacturers no longer included toy prizes inside every box. It was a tragedy, in my opinion. Another sign that civilization was going straight down the tubes. I was still pondering this when an old Cap’n Crunch commercial came on, and that was when I made a connection between the first and third lines of the Quatrain:

"The captain conceals the Jade Key … But you can only blow the whistle …

"Halliday was alluding to a famous ’70s hacker named John Draper, better known by the alias Captain Crunch. Draper was one of the first phone phreaks, and he was famous for discovering that the toy plastic whistles found as prizes in boxes of Cap’n Crunch cereal could be used to make free long-distance phone calls, because they emitted a 2600-hertz tone that tricked the old analog phone system into giving you free access to the line.

"The captain conceals the Jade Key." That had to be it. “The captain” was Cap’n Crunch, and “the whistle” was the famous toy plastic whistle of phone phreak lore."

-Wade still struggles with the rest of the clue, though. Where is the "dwelling long neglected?" It's a hard search: "I visited every neglected dwelling I could think of. Re-creations of the Addams Family house, the abandoned shack in the Evil Dead trilogy, Tyler Durden’s flophouse in Fight Club, and the Lars Homestead on Tattooine."

-Wade slacks as the weeks go by. Nobody else seems to be making progress, and he'd rather just date Art3mis. He eventually tells her everything about himself, even his real name, while she shares almost nothing with him. All she'll say is that she lives in the Pacific Northwest. While Wade's relationship with Art3mis grows, his friendship with Aech falters and they spend less and less time together.

-Wade and Art3mis go on "dates" inside the OASIS, visiting "exotic locales and exclusive night spots," however that works in the OASIS. Normally their dates are discreet to avoid tabloid fodder, but there's one big exception:

"One night, she took me to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show in a huge stadium-sized movie theater on the planet Transsexual, where they held the most highly attended and longest-running weekly screening of the movie in the OASIS. Thousands of avatars came to every show, to sit in the stands and revel in the audience participation. Normally, only longstanding members of the Rocky Horror Fan Club were permitted to get up onstage and help act out the film in front of the giant movie screen, and only after they’d passed a grueling audition process. But Art3mis used her fame to pull a few strings, and she and I were both allowed to join the cast for that night’s show. The whole planet was in a no-PvP zone, so I wasn’t worried about getting ambushed by the Sixers. But I did have a serious case of stage fright when the show began.

"Art3mis played a note-perfect Columbia, and I had the honor of playing her undead love interest, Eddie. I altered my avatar’s appearance so that I looked exactly like Meat Loaf did in the role, but my performance and lip-synching still kinda sucked. Luckily, the audience cut me a lot of slack, because I was the famous gunter Parzival, and I was clearly having a blast."

-Art3mis kisses Wade after the date, virtually (and Cline only writes that this happened, he doesn't show the scene). Wade is in love with her...and then like an idiot he tells her that, but THAT scene is in the next chapter.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38213865)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 1:42 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

Cline has a real commitment to consuming large quantities of junk-food, both literal and intellectual, instead of doing any kind of systematic learning or research. This book clearly began with the fantasy, "what if all my low-effort goon knowledge could make me the most powerful hero in the world?", and he built the world and story to make that possible.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215973)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 1:44 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Yeah I've had the same thought. All of his "research" is just WATCHING all these shows a bunch of times until they're memorized. There is zero effort to systematically understand any of this.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38215986)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:29 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins

TBF, if we want to give Cline credit, we could assume that the OASIS founder designed the "game"so that it was winnable only by people who consumed pop-culture because they enjoyed it, rather than in furtherance of symptomatically understanding all of it, as a means to prevent the IOIs of the world from winning and taking over the OASIS.

The problem with this hot take is that these challenges wouldn't be all that difficult to solve by a group with substantial resources, such as IOI. For example, I imagine a well designed algorithm would identify the Cap'n Crunch whistle as a highly probability hit for being a possible part of the solution to the riddle. Hell, I don't consider myself particularly knowledgeable about pop or hacker cultures, but I immediately thought of Cap'n Crunch toy whistle when I first read the clue. I'm sure IOI would have picked up on the repeated hits of the association between Cap'n Crunch and whistle in hacker related media, such as 2600.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216502)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:36 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

It's all perfectly coherent plot-wise; as you say, I can see a reclusive billionaire 80s obsessive simply wanting other people to watch and play all the same shit he did.

The problem is that this is played as something cool or desirable instead of being excruciatingly pathetic. And, as you and others have pointed out, the puzzles simply aren't that obscure or hard ultimately.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216533)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:45 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins

"The problem is that this is played as something cool or desirable instead of being excruciatingly pathetic."

Yes, of course.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216580)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:09 PM
Author: Sporting Events

cr

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216392)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 2:03 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 18

Chapter 18

-Wade's fuckup with Art3mis begins on a typical Friday night for him: He's alone binge-watching a show for "research":

"[I was] working my way through every episode of Whiz Kids, an early-’80s TV show about a teenage hacker who uses his computer skills to solve mysteries. I’d just finished watching the episode “Deadly Access” (a crossover with Simon & Simon) when an e-mail arrived in my inbox. It was from Ogden Morrow. The subject line read 'We Can Dance If We Want To.'" [HEY DO YOU GET THAT EIGHTIES SONG REFERENCE HAHA]

-The Morrow email invites Wade to Morrow's annual birthday party in the OASIS, his only major public event of the year:

"The invitation featured a photo of Morrow’s world-famous avatar, the Great and Powerful Og. The gray-bearded wizard was hunched over an elaborate DJ mixing board, one headphone pressed to his ear, biting his lower lip in auditory ecstasy as his fingers scratched ancient vinyl on a set of silver turntables. His record crate bore a DON’T PANIC sticker [HEY HOW ABOUT THAT REFERENCE] and an anti-Sixer logo—a yellow number six with a red circle-and-slash over it."

-Art3mis is invited to the same party, so they both go. The party is held at the Distracted Globe, "a famous zero-gravity dance club" owned and personally coded by Morrow. Wade isn't THAT interested in going because, get this, the people there are TOO DORKY: "I wasn’t much for dancing, or for socializing with the twinked-out wannabe-gunter überdorks who were known to frequent the place." People in glass one-room efficiency apartments shouldn't throw Power Pellets, Wade. C'mon.

-Fortunately, Morrow's party means that the mega-dorks will be gone (except for Wade) and replaced by movie stars and musicians. Wade's costume for the party will, of course, have references: "I spent over an hour tweaking my avatar’s hair and trying on different skins to wear to the club. I finally settled on some classic ’80s-era attire: a light gray suit, exactly like the one Peter Weller wore in Buckaroo Banzai, complete with a red bow tie, along with a pair of vintage white Adidas high-tops."

-Ominously, the club is located in a PVP zone, making it dangerous to go there. Despite dedicating his entire life to the Egg Hunt, Wade decides to risk everything to attend this dance party.

-The Distracted Globe itself is located on the planet Neonoir, one of the oldest of OASIS's several hundred cyberpunk planets: "Seen from orbit, the planet was a shiny onyx marble covered in overlapping spider-webs of pulsating light. It was always night on Neonoir, the world over, and its surface was an uninterrupted grid of interconnected cities packed with impossibly large skyscrapers. Its skies were filled with a continuous stream of flying vehicles whirring through the vertical cityscapes, and the streets below teemed with leather-clad NPCs and mirror-shaded avatars, all sporting high-tech weaponry and subcutaneous implants as they spouted city-speak straight out of Neuromancer."

Okay, I get it, cyberpunk is popular, but would it be THAT popular in a world that itself has become a decaying blown-out dystopia full of suffering? What is the aesthetic appeal of cyberpunk when the real world sucks?

-No comment but this paragraph is amazing: "I made a big entrance when I arrived in my flying DeLorean, which I’d obtained by completing a Back to the Future quest on the planet Zemeckis. The DeLorean came outfitted with a (nonfunctioning) flux capacitor, but I’d made several additions to its equipment and appearance. First, I’d installed an artificially intelligent onboard computer named KITT (purchased in an online auction) into the dashboard, along with a matching red Knight Rider scanner just above the DeLorean’s grill. Then I’d outfitted the car with an oscillation overthruster, a device that allowed it to travel through solid matter. Finally, to complete my ’80s super-vehicle theme, I’d slapped a Ghostbusters logo on each of the DeLorean’s gullwing doors, then added personalized plates that read ECTO-88. I’d had it only a few weeks now, but my time-traveling, Ghost Busting, Knight Riding, matter-penetrating DeLorean had already become my avatar’s trademark."

-But wait! Couldn't his super car be stolen on this PVP planet if he leaves it lying around? No problem. Wade has several solutions: "The DeLorean had several antitheft systems installed, and the ignition system was booby-trapped Max Rockatansky–style so that if any other avatar tried to start the car, the plutonium chamber would detonate in a small thermonuclear explosion. But keeping my car safe wouldn’t be a problem here on Neonoir. As soon as I climbed out of the DeLorean I cast a Shrink spell on it, instantly reducing it to the size of a Matchbox car. Then I put the DeLorean in my pocket. Magic zones had their advantages."

-As Wade enters the club itself, he sees hundreds of avatars milling about, and also spots the current DJ: "R2-D2, hard at work, using his various robotic arms to work the turntables. I recognized the tune he was playing: the ’88 remix of New Order’s “Blue Monday,” with a lot of Star Wars droid sound samples mixed in."

-"When I reached the bar, I ordered a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster from the female Klingon bartender and downed half of it [would people really buy fake alcoholic drinks in OASIS? I mean...you can't drink them. What's the point?]. Then I grinned as R2 cued up another classic ’80s tune. 'Union of the Snake,' I recited, mostly out of habit. 'Duran Duran. Nineteen eightythree.'"

-All of this was just from three pages of the book, holy hell.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216087)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:39 PM
Author: animeboi

"The gray-bearded wizard was hunched over an elaborate DJ mixing board, one headphone pressed to his ear, biting his lower lip in auditory ecstasy as his fingers scratched ancient vinyl on a set of silver turntables."

It was at least until the mid 2000's that DJ culture became semi-popular in America.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216542)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:42 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins

What? No.

DJ culture wasn't as big hear as it was in Europe, but it was definitely a thing going back to at least the early 90s, which was exemplified by the rave scene back then.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216558)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:06 PM
Author: animeboi

There were also deth metal and shoegaze aficionados in the US during 80s, it doesn't mean you should include this is your very basic 80s geek culture masturbation fantasy. The idea of some twat with headphones in front of two turntables as something to emulate would have entered the mainstream consciousness when this character was in his 30s.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216678)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 11th, 2019 3:57 PM
Author: Sotomayor McCheese

No. Turntablism was big in the 80s.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220813)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 12th, 2019 2:55 PM
Author: animeboi

(zoomer)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224248)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 2:25 PM
Author: deus vult (from Contantinople to the stars)

so it sounds like the real importance of this book is that it opens our eyes to the need for a final solution to the redditor question.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216183)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:50 PM
Author: NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216601)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 2:49 PM
Author: LathamTouchedMe

Seems like a lot of time wasted punching down. In the time it took to do all this think of how many threads you could have posted that discussed good books that you've read recently. That would have been a lot more useful for everyone.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216286)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:22 PM
Author: NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed

I'd love to hear you elaborate on how you consider this to be "punching down." Should we define that term first? Did you know they teach this crap in schools now?



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216458)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:24 PM
Author: Sporting Events

fuck off

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216474)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:24 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

https://f4.bcbits.com/img/a2681126142_10.jpg

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216476)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:33 PM
Author: LathamTouchedMe

I was complimenting you. You're very well-read. I saw your posts about The Power and the Glory and The Quiet American and thought "wow, we have similar tastes; hope he keeps lit-posting." I like a good "prole" bash now and then, but this is too much.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216835)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:25 PM
Author: gravelgang (ggtp)

Oh what a moderate take

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216485)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:38 PM
Author: Wilbur Mercer, the supreme gentleman (Crypto Musk Ox)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216537)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:29 PM
Author: NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed

like, punching down would be making fun of this one high school's syllabus for studying it

https://pvhs.pvpusd.net/apps/pages/index.jsp?uREC_ID=648778&type=u&pREC_ID=1144333

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216499)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:26 PM
Author: LathamTouchedMe

Would you rather assign the children something they won't bother to read? It's pop-fiction. It's certainly not a work of art but there's plenty of examples of schlock topping the best-seller lists and making it on to school syllabi.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216785)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:29 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

CR. we should assign them twilight erotic fanfic so that they can understand their moms better

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216813)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 11th, 2019 7:44 AM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed

this absolutely needs 2 be next

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38219222)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:30 PM
Author: Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes

I genuinely don't understand why a child would read this. It's a meaningless salad of 80s references. Why would a zoomer care?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216817)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 5:26 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins

If by "this" you mean Charles' thread, it should be assigned reading for every child.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217128)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 5:59 PM
Author: Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217264)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 11th, 2019 8:59 AM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38219343)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 11th, 2019 8:29 PM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38221749)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 12th, 2019 1:21 AM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38222749)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:30 PM
Author: Sporting Events

lol at choosing this hill to die on

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216821)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 5:05 PM
Author: NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed

I think they should assign Let's Play videos and nothing else. Why bother assigning something they're not going to read?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217013)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:57 PM
Author: animeboi

gb2reddit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216631)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:23 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed

Charles should Pick on someone his own size, like a four-year-old

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216764)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 4:34 PM
Author: LathamTouchedMe

I didn't pick on that little kid. The whole point of that exercise was to embarrass the mom.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216840)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 11th, 2019 3:56 PM
Author: Sotomayor McCheese

jfc, you're a joyless faggot.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220810)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:25 PM
Author: NRO fanfic of Hitchens finding God on his deathbed

Great thread but Penguin already has a teaching guide, click here to get at the real deep issues and themes Cline raises

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/209887/ready-player-one-movie-tie-in-by-ernest-cline/9780804190138/teachers-guide/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216479)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:26 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

"On page 25, Wade Watts explains how he creates a mechanism for recharging his device using, “a rack of old car batteries and a modified exercise bike.” Based on principles of physics, explain how this mechanism could work. "

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216490)



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Date: May 10th, 2019 3:27 PM
Author: Sporting Events

Q: Describe the extent and impact of global climate change in the novel. What caused the global energy crisis? How has it impacted society? Do you think it is possible that we will see a global energy crisis of this magnitude by 2044? Support your answer with data.

A: lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216493)



Reply Favorite

Date: May 10th, 2019 3:41 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins

A: "I'm not exactly sure, but given the author's demonstrated technological aptitude, I'm certain the answers to all of those questions are real retarded."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216548)



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Date: May 11th, 2019 8:31 PM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker

"support your answer with data"

uh

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38221759)



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Date: May 10th, 2019 4:24 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed

Hilarious moniker

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38216770)



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Date: May 10th, 2019 5:16 PM
Author: anal sex

lmao incredible

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217084)



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Date: May 10th, 2019 7:25 PM
Author: Cass Sunstein's Faceful of Pubes

This novel is a masterwork of dystopian satire and Charles cannot prove me wrong (indeed each successive post proves me right)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38217596)



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Date: May 10th, 2019 11:14 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Describe

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38218553)



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Date: May 11th, 2019 1:40 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 18 Part 2

-Wade meets Art3mis at the club: "She was wearing evening attire: a gunmetal blue dress that looked like it was spray-painted on. Her avatar’s dark hair was styled in a pageboy cut, perfectly framing her gorgeous face. She looked devastating."

-Art3mis orders a Glenmorangie for herself: "Connor MacLeod’s favorite drink. Man, did I love this girl." So we're 2/2 for the fake drinks being ordered in the OASIS being some kind of reference.

-Art3mis asks Wade to dance as a song ends, and Cline dangerous mixes his Star Trek/Wars references: "All eyes turned upward, toward the DJ booth, where R2-D2 was currently dissolving in a shower of light, like someone “beaming out” in an original Star Trek episode. Then a huge cheer went up as a familiar gray-haired avatar beamed in, appearing behind the turntables. It was Og."

-Og (that is, Morrow) is dressed in a faded Star Trek TNG shirt, and starts playing one of Art3mis's favorite songs, Rebel Yell by Billy Idol. Wade and her start dancing, and Cline tries mightily to describe this badass zero-G dance...floor?:

"My avatar took flight, drifting upward and sliding alongside Art3mis. The avatars who were already on the dance floor moved aside to clear a path for us, a tunnel leading to the center of the dance floor. I could see Og hovering in his bubble, just a short distance above us. He was spinning around like a dervish, remixing the song on the fly while simultaneously adjusting the gravity vortex of the dance floor, so that he was actually spinning the club itself, like an ancient vinyl disc.

"Art3mis winked at me, and then her legs melted together to form a mermaid’s tail. She flapped her new tail fin once and shot ahead of me, her body undulating and thrusting in time with the machine-gun beat as she swam through the air [Rebel Yell is a fast song, but I'm not sure I'd call its beat a 'machine gun']. Then she spun back around to face me, suspended and floating, smiling and holding out her hand, beckoning me to join her. Her hair floated in a halo around her head, like she was underwater. When I reached her, she took my hand. As she did, her mermaid tail vanished and her legs reappeared, whirling and scissoring to the beat."

-Wade ofc can't dance, but he came prepared with a program called "Travoltra" which automates his dance movements: "all

four of my limbs were transformed into undulating cosine waves. Just like that, I became a

dancing fool."

-There's some more weird shapeshiting/body manipulation shit, which allows Wade to make a Plastic Man reference. Then, during a slower song ("Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper, because a reference is necessary), Wade blurts out that he's in love with Art3mis. Oops. Art3mis says Wade is a clueless dipshit, because he's never actually met her. If he did, she says, he would be repulsed. Wade wonders if it's something else:

"'Is it because I told you I’ve never had a real girlfriend? And that I’m a virgin? Because—'"

-But no, Art3mis says it's actually about the Egg Hunt. She's let their relationship go too far and they need to refocus on finding the Jade Key. She says she and Wade need to stop talking to each other until the Hunt is over. Wade throws a Reddit-tier miniature bitchfit:

“'So winning that money is more important to you than me?'

“'It’s not about the money. It’s about what I could do with it.'

“'Right. Saving the world. You’re so fucking noble.'"

-As this breakup chat is ongoing, Cline STILL has to take the time to note when the music changes: "The Cyndi Lauper song ended and Og queued up another dance track—'James Brown Is Dead' by L.A. Style. The club erupted in applause."

-Art3mis and Wade's conversation is interrupted when the Sixers assault the dance club en masse:

"The news that Art3mis and I were here must have already hit the newsfeeds. And when Sorrento had learned that the top two gunters on the Scoreboard were hanging out in an unshielded PvP zone, he must have decided that it was too juicy a target to pass up. This was the Sixers’ chance to take out their two biggest competitors in one shot. It was worth wasting a hundred or so of their highest-level avatars. I knew my own recklessness had brought them down on us. I cursed myself for being so foolish. Then I drew my blasters and began to unload them at the cluster of Sixers nearest to me while also doing my best to dodge their incoming fire. I glanced over at Art3mis just in time to see her incinerate a dozen Sixers in the space of five seconds, using balls of blue plasma that she hurled out of her palms, while ignoring the steady stream of laser bolts and magic missiles ricocheting off her transparent body shield."

-It's looking bad for Wade, and his Avatar is about to die when Morrow saves the day. He effortlessly shoots red lightning from his fingertips and obliterates all the Sixer avatars:

"'Nobody busts into my joint uninvited!' Og shouted, his voice echoing through the now-silent club. The remaining avatars (the ones who hadn’t fled the club in terror or been killed in the brief battle) let out a victorious cheer. Og flew back into the DJ booth, which closed up around him like a transparent cocoon. 'Let’s get this party going again, shall we?' he said, dropping a needle on a techno remix of 'Atomic' by Blondie. It took a moment for the shock to wear off, but then everyone started to dance again."

-Art3mis, however, is leaving. She stops to look at Wade one last time, and then departs through the massive gaping hole the Sixers created. The chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220250)



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Date: May 11th, 2019 2:23 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

Look at this guy who thinks "cosine waves" is a cultural ref

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38220458)



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Date: May 11th, 2019 8:31 PM
Author: animeboi

(guy who never rode on tangent waves)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38221760)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 8:05 AM
Author: vice writer (πŸ‘β˜€οΈπŸ‘)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223185)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 2:33 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 19

Chapter 19

-The narrative jumps several weeks ahead. Wade is totally devastated and struggles to even get up in the morning. To force himself to do so...there's a reference: "I’d disabled my alarm’s snooze feature and instructed the computer to blast “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham! I loathed that song with every fiber of my being, and getting up was the only way to silence it."

-Upon waking up, Wade's computer gradually turns up the lights, because...: "No outside light ever penetrated my apartment. The single window had once provided a view of the Columbus skyline, but I’d spray-painted it completely black a few days after I moved in. I’d decided that everything outside the window was a distraction from my quest, so I didn’t need to waste time staring at it."

-Wade has become a bit of a paranoid maniac, turning his apartment into a fortress: "First, I replaced the flimsy door with a new airtight armor-plated vacuum-sealed WarDoor. Whenever I needed something—food, toilet paper, new gear—I ordered it online, and someone brought it right to my door. Deliveries worked like this: First, the scanner mounted outside in the hallway would verify the delivery person’s identity and my computer would confirm they were delivering something I’d actually ordered. Then the outer door would unlock itself and slide open, revealing a steel-reinforced air lock about the size of a shower stall. The delivery person would place the parcel, pizza, or whatever inside the air lock and step back. The outer door would hiss shut and relock itself; then the package would be scanned, X-rayed, and analyzed eight ways from Wednesday. Its contents would be verified and delivery confirmation would be sent. Then I would unlock and open the inner door and receive my goods. Capitalism would inch forward, without my actually having to interact face-to-face with another human being. Which was exactly how I preferred it, thank you."

I'm surprised the apartment complex was willing to let him modify a small efficiency rental so dramatically. Also, this WarDoor sounds really expensive, and Wade said earlier his endorsements "wouldn’t be enough to make me rich, not by a long shot." I guess they were more lucrative than he let on.

"A modular shower and toilet unit were embedded in one wall, opposite the small ergonomic kitchen. I’d never actually used the kitchen to cook anything. My meals were all frozen or delivered. Microwave brownies were as close as I ever got to cooking."

Man, between NEVER going outside, never exercising (or even really moving), and eating only excessive amounts of junk food, Wade's appearance must be BRUTAL.

-And then, holy shit, Wade just dumps like two pages of fucking autism about his new expensive OASIS super-rig:

"Newer, faster, or more versatile components were always being released, so I was constantly spending large chunks of my meager income on upgrades." [Keep the "meager income" line in mind as you read the following paragraphs. Also remember this isn't a rich future, but a poor and shitty one where nice things are hard to buy]

"The crown jewel in my rig was, of course, my customized OASIS console. The computer that powered my world. I’d built it myself, piece by piece, inside a modded mirror-black Odinware sphere chassis. It had a new overclocked processor that was so fast its cycle-time bordered on pre-cognition. And the internal hard drive had enough storage space to hold three digitized copies of Everything in Existence [why?].

"I spent the majority of my time in my Shaptic Technologies HC5000 fully adjustable haptic chair. It was suspended by two jointed robotic arms anchored to my apartment’s walls and ceiling. These arms could rotate the chair on all four axes, so when I was strapped in to it, the unit could flip, spin, or shake my body to create the sensation that I was falling, flying, or sitting behind the wheel of a nuclear-powered rocket sled hurtling at Mach 2 through a canyon on the fourth moon of Altair VI.

"The chair worked in conjunction with my Shaptic Bootsuit, a full-body haptic feedback suit. It covered every inch of my body from the neck down and had discreet openings so I could relieve myself without removing the entire thing [thanks for the detail, Wade!]. The outside of the suit was covered with an elaborate exoskeleton, a network of artificial tendons and joints that could both sense and inhibit my movements. Built into the inside of the suit was a weblike network of miniature actuators that made contact with my skin every few centimeters. These could be activated in small or large groups for the purpose of tactile simulation—to make my skin feel things that weren’t really there. They could convincingly simulate the sensation of a tap on the shoulder, a kick to the shin, or a gunshot in the chest. (Built-in safety software prevented my rig from actually causing me any physical harm, so a simulated gunshot actually felt more like a weak punch.) I had an identical backup suit hanging in the MoshWash cleaning unit in the corner of the room. These two haptic suits made up my entire wardrobe. My old street clothes were buried somewhere in the closet, collecting dust.

"On my hands, I wore a pair of state-of-the-art Okagami IdleHands haptic datagloves. Special tactile feedback pads covered both palms, allowing the gloves to create the illusion that I was touching objects and surfaces that didn’t actually exist.

"My visor was a brand-new pair of Dinatro RLR-7800 WreckSpex, featuring a top-of-the-line virtual retinal display. The visor drew the OASIS directly onto my retinas, at the highest frame rate and resolution perceptible to the human eye. The real world looked washed-out and blurry by comparison. The RLR-7800 was a not-yet-available-to-the-plebian-masses prototype, but I had an endorsement deal with Dinatro, so they sent me free gear (shipped to me through a series of remailing services, which I used to maintain my anonymity)."

"My AboundSound audio system consisted of an array of ultrathin speakers mounted on the apartment’s walls, floor, and ceiling, providing 360 degrees of perfect spatial pin-drop sound reproduction. And the Mjolnur subwoofer was powerful enough to make my back teeth vibrate."

"The Olfatrix smell tower in the corner was capable of generating over two thousand discernible odors. A rose garden, salty ocean wind, burning cordite—the tower could convincingly re-create them all. It also doubled as an industrial-strength air conditioner/purifier, which was primarily what I used it for. A lot of jokers liked to code really horrific smells into their simulations, just to mess with people who owned smell towers, so I usually left the odor generator disabled, unless I was in a part of the OASIS where I thought being able to smell my surroundings might prove useful.

"On the floor, directly underneath my suspended haptic chair, was my Okagami Runaround omnidirectional treadmill. (“No matter where you go, there you are” was the manufacturer’s slogan.) The treadmill was about two meters square and six centimeters thick. When it was activated, I could run at top speed in any direction and never reach the edge of the platform. If I changed direction, the treadmill would sense it, and its rolling surface would change direction to match me, always keeping my body near the center of its platform. This model was also equipped with built-in lifts and an amorphous surface, so that it could simulate walking up inclines and staircases."

-Wow! That's so realistic and detailed, about the only thing missing is the ability to fuck inside the OASIS! Oh, wait, Wade has that covered too:

"You could also purchase an ACHD (anatomically correct haptic doll), if you wanted to have more “intimate” encounters inside the OASIS. ACHDs came in male, female, and dualsex models, and were available with a wide array of options. Realistic latex skin. Servomotor-driven endoskeletons. Simulated musculature. And all of the attendant appendages and orifices one would imagine.

"Driven by loneliness, curiosity, and raging teen hormones, I’d purchased a midrange ACHD, the Shaptic ÜberBetty, a few weeks after Art3mis stopped speaking to me. After spending several highly unproductive days inside a stand-alone brothel simulation called the Pleasuredome, I’d gotten rid of the doll, out of a combination of shame and selfpreservation. I’d wasted thousands of credits, missed a whole week of work, and was on the verge of completely abandoning my quest for the egg when I confronted the grim realization that virtual sex, no matter how realistic, was really nothing but glorified, computer-assisted masturbation. At the end of the day, I was still a virgin, all alone in a dark room, humping a lubed-up robot. So I got rid of the ACHD and went back to spanking the monkey the old-fashioned way."

-Oh my, that's a tad personal there. Fortunately, we get back to the plo- haha nope, Wade goes on a page-long digression where he shares his PHILOSOPHY on masturbation:

"I felt no shame about masturbating. Thanks to Anorak’s Almanac, I now thought of it as a normal bodily function, as necessary and natural as sleeping or eating.

"Anorak's Almanak 241:87—I would argue that masturbation is the human animal’s most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right—including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it’s doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn’t first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or “knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom”). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe.

"It wasn’t one of Halliday’s more popular theories, but I liked it."

-JFC this chapter is unbelievable, I'm stopping here for the night.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38222923)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 4:57 AM
Author: King Stannis

seems like the real Heroes are his Corporate Sponsors

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223055)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 7:16 AM
Author: Whitechapel Fatberg

oh my god

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223152)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 8:01 AM
Author: biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm (πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‘)

This thread has made me respect the movie a lot more

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223178)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 2:42 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224188)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:42 PM
Author: The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest

Yeah

Adapting something like Naked Lunch must have been a spa day in comparison

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231071)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 8:07 AM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

It's true. Newton, Einstein and Galileo were notorious chronic masturbators and if you want to be like them by winning an 80s trivia contest, you have to jerk off, a lot, like pretty much all the time. People who like to watch 52 hours of TV while eating junk food and jerking off are most properly compared to the greatest geniuses in physics, who shared a similar mentality. Jerking off is a heroic act.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223187)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 9:52 AM
Author: animeboi

When did people start conflating nerds (smart kids who pursued some technical interests) with geeks (dim consumers of genre trash)?

Also, Newton died a virgin but Galileo had three bastard kids.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223355)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 9:54 AM
Author: animeboi

This guy is a GenX boomer who feels its important to put "there is no God" and "masturbation is OK" screeds in a book published in the 2010's.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223359)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 11:38 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223622)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 11:50 AM
Author: .,.,.,.,.,.,...,..,..,...,...,..,..,.,..




(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223653)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 12:38 PM
Author: Krampusnacht



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223790)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 9:07 PM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225625)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 3:12 PM
Author: acoustic thugicide (πŸ…)

"knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"

"knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"

"knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"

what in the motherfuck how many protons do you think hydrogen has you scientifically illiterate son of a bitch. hint the atomic number is 1

also marie curie did her best work after getting married

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224288)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 6:33 PM
Author: Sporting Events

lol cr

And women masturbate bigot, deal with it

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225022)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 7:12 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed

lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225136)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 8:35 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225511)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 9:07 PM
Author: don't run xo po process servers see ur moniker



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225627)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 12:37 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 19 Part 2

-As Wade "shuffles" to the toilet, he is greeted by his new AI personal assistant, Max: "I’d programmed mine to look, sound, and behave like Max Headroom, the (ostensibly) computer-generated star of a late-’80s talk show, a groundbreaking cyberpunk TV series, and a slew of Coke commercials ... Max was programmed to speak with a slight electronic stutter. In the mid-’80s, when the character of Max Headroom was created, computers weren’t actually powerful enough to generate a photorealistic human figure, so Max had been portrayed by an actor (the brilliant Matt Frewer) who wore a lot of rubber makeup to make him look computer-generated. But the version of Max now smiling at me on the monitor was pure software, with the best simulated AI and voice-recognition subroutines money could buy."

-Wade and Max have a conversation which is a good way to get in another couple references:

"As I stumbled into the bathroom module and emptied my bladder, Max continued to address me from a small monitor mounted above the mirror. 'Uh-oh! It appears you’ve spsp-sprung a leak!' he said.

"'Get a new joke,' I said. 'Any news I should know about?'

"'Just the usual. Wars, rioting, famine. Nothing that would interest you.'

"'Any messages?'

"He rolled his eyes. 'A few. But to answer your real question, no. Art3mis still hasn’t called or written you back, lover boy.'

"'I’ve warned you. Don’t call me that, Max. You’re begging to be deleted.'

"'Touchy, touchy. Honestly, Wade. When did you get so s-s-sensitive?'

"'I’ll erase you, Max. I mean it. Keep it up and I’ll switch back to Wilma Deering. Or I’ll try out the disembodied voice of Majel Barrett.'"

-Wade begins a VR exercise routine, which he had to take up due to his OASIS addiction: "I spent the vast majority of my time sitting in my haptic chair, getting almost no exercise at all. I also had a habit of overeating when I was depressed or frustrated, which was most of the time. As a result, I’d gradually started to put on some extra pounds. I wasn’t in the best shape to begin with, so I quickly reached a point where I could no longer fit comfortably in my haptic chair or squeeze in to my XL haptic suit. Soon, I would need to buy a new rig, with components from the Husky line."

"I knew that if I didn’t get my weight under control, I would probably die of sloth before I found the egg. I couldn’t let that happen. So I made a snap decision and enabled the voluntary OASIS fitness lockout software on my rig. I’d regretted it almost immediately. From then on, my computer monitored my vital signs and kept track of exactly how many calories I burned during the course of each day. If I didn’t meet my daily exercise requirements, the system prevented me from logging into my OASIS account."

-Wade also enables an OASIS program that tracks (and controls) everything he eats. This gets him into shape shockingly quickly: "The pounds began to melt off, and after a few months, I was in near-perfect health. For the first time in my life I had a flat stomach, and muscles. I also had twice the energy, and I got sick a lot less frequently. When the two months ended and I was finally given the option to disable the fitness lockout, I decided to keep it in place. Now, exercising was a part of my daily ritual."

-BTW, as a person who was fat and got in shape: It would probably take longer than two months to drop from "barely fitting into Extra-Large" to "near perfect health." I suspect Cline has never had to make that change himself and thus doesn't know.

-Wade starts running on some wacky VR running track that's set in space and shit. While he runs...reference time!: "As I began to run, Max fired up my ’80s music playlist. As the first song began, I quickly rattled off its title, artist, album, and year of release from memory: ‘A Million Miles Away,’ the Plimsouls, Everywhere at Once, 1983. Then I began to sing along, reciting the lyrics. Having the right ’80s song lyric memorized might save my avatar’s life someday."

-Wade then takes a shower, and...oh god he's made himself a TOTAL baldmo:

"As I jumped into the steam-filled stall, Max switched the music over to my shower tunes playlist. I recognized the opening riffs of 'Change,' by John Waite. From the Vision Quest soundtrack. Geffen Records, 1985.

"The shower worked a lot like an old car wash. I just stood there while it did most of the work, blasting me from all angles with jets of soapy water, then rinsing me off. I had no hair to wash, because the shower also dispensed a nontoxic hair-removing solution that I rubbed all over my face and body. This eliminated the need for me to shave or cut my hair, both hassles I didn’t need. Having smooth skin also helped make sure my haptic suit fit snugly. I looked a little freaky without any eyebrows, but I got used to it."

-Wade drinks a vitamin D-infused breakfast drink to counteract his total lack of sunlight. As he slips into his rig, Wade is admirably frank about what the reality is: "I’d come to see my rig for what it was: an elaborate contraption for deceiving my senses, to allow me to live in a world that didn’t exist. Each component of my rig was a bar in the cell where I had willingly imprisoned myself. Standing there, under the bleak fluorescents of my tiny one-room apartment, there was no escaping the truth. In real life, I was nothing but an antisocial hermit. A recluse. A paleskinned pop culture–obsessed geek. An agoraphobic shut-in, with no real friends, family, or genuine human contact. I was just another sad, lost, lonely soul, wasting his life on a glorified videogame."

-You know, if the book ended there, I'd respect it for going in a dark direction. But alas, even the chapter isn't over: "But not in the OASIS. In there, I was the great Parzival. World-famous gunter and international celebrity. People asked for my autograph. I had a fan club. Several, actually. I was recognized everywhere I went (but only when I wanted to be). I was paid to endorse products. People admired and looked up to me. I got invited to the most exclusive parties. I went to all the hippest clubs and never had to wait in line. I was a pop-culture icon, a VR rock star. And, in gunter circles, I was a legend. Nay, a god."

-Wade logs into his account with a NEW pass-phase ("Nobody ever gets what they want and that is beautiful" -They Might Be Giants), and the chapter ends.

-As embarrassing as this chapter sounds, I do appreciate that Cline is finally trying to engage without how pathetic Wade's life is. That said, I'm not sure how he'll really mesh that theme with the rest of the Egg Hunt (where knowing 80s goon knowledge is still the most important thing in the world). Also, there's definitely a note of relish in the chapter. As pathetic as being a hermit is, the description of his VR rig is so detailed that Cline clearly put some thought into how AWESOME it is. Oh, and while Wade does reflect on how lame being a recluse is, he enthusiastically endorses chronic masturbation. So...yeah.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223788)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 1:45 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 20

Chapter 20

-Wade materializes in the OASIS within his new FORTRESS PLANET, which he was apparently able to afford on his "meager" endorsement income.

"My command center was located under an armored dome embedded in the rocky surface of my own private asteroid. From here I had a sweeping 360-degree view of the surrounding cratered landscape, stretching to the horizon in all directions. The rest of my stronghold was belowground, in a vast subterranean complex that stretched all the way to the asteroid’s core. I’d coded the entire thing myself, shortly after moving to Columbus. My avatar needed a stronghold, and I didn’t want any neighbors, so I’d bought the cheapest planetoid I could find—this tiny barren asteroid in Sector Fourteen. Its designation was S14A316, but I’d renamed it Falco, after the Austrian rap star. (I wasn’t a huge Falco fan or anything. I just thought it sounded like a cool name.)

"Falco had only a few square kilometers of surface area, but it had still cost me a pretty penny. It had been worth it, though. When you owned your own world, you could build whatever you wanted there. And no one could visit it unless I granted them access, something I never gave to anyone. My stronghold was my home inside the OASIS. My avatar’s sanctuary. It was the one place in the entire simulation where I was truly safe."

-It turns out that Dec. 30th is OASIS elections day, so we get some of Wade's HOT TAKES on politics:

"Now that I was eighteen, I could vote, in both the OASIS elections and the elections for U.S. government officials. I didn’t bother with the latter, because I didn’t see the point. The once-great country into which I’d been born now resembled its former self in name only. It didn’t matter who was in charge. Those people were rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic and everyone knew it. Besides, now that everyone could vote from home, via the OASIS, the only people who could get elected were movie stars, reality TV personalities, or radical televangelists."

-Given this book was written in 2011 I guess predicting "reality TV personalities" winning office was prescient. On the other hand, whining about televangelists and the STOOPID MASSES who never leave home electing them sounds like a hilarious 90s lib trope. Also, are we seriously getting endless joke politicians in a hell-world marked by war and famine? Wouldn't we get, idk, revolutionaries and the like?

-Wade also comments on OASIS politics, which provides an opportunity for Cline to slurp on a few famous modern geeks he likes:

"I did take the time to vote in the OASIS elections, however, because their outcomes actually affected me. The voting process only took me a few minutes, because I was already familiar with all of the major issues GSS had put on the ballot. It was also time to elect the president and VP of the OASIS User Council, but that was a no-brainer. Like most gunters, I voted to reelect Cory Doctorow and Wil Wheaton (again). There were no term limits, and those two geezers had been doing a kick-ass job of protecting user rights for over a decade."

-Wade also discusses his personal TV channel that he set up, and goes on for a while about other people's private TV channels:

"Earlier that year, GSS had added a new feature to every OASIS user’s account: the POV (personal OASIS vidfeed) channel. It allowed anyone who paid a monthly fee to run their own streaming television network. Anyone logged into the simulation could tune in and watch your POV channel, from anywhere in the world. What you aired on your channel and who you allowed to view it were entirely up to you. Most users chose to run a “voyeur channel,” which was like being the star of your own twenty-four-hour reality show. Hovering virtual cameras would follow your avatar around the OASIS as you went about your day-to-day activities. You could limit access to your channel so that only your friends could watch, or you could charge viewers by the hour to access your POV. A lot of secondtier celebrities and pornographers did this, selling their virtual lives at a per-minute premium.

"Some people used their POV to broadcast live video of their real-world selves, or their dog, or their kids. Some people programmed nothing but old cartoons. The possibilities were endless, and the variety of stuff available seemed to grow more twisted every day.

"Nonstop foot fetish videos broadcast out of Eastern Europe. Amateur porn featuring deviant soccer moms in Minnesota. You name it. Every flavor of weirdness the human psyche could cook up was being filmed and broadcast online. The vast wasteland of television programming had finally reached its zenith, and the average person was no longer limited to fifteen minutes of fame. Now everyone could be on TV, every second of every day, whether or not anyone was watching.

"Parzival-TV wasn’t a voyeur channel. In fact, I never showed my avatar’s face on my vidfeed. Instead, I programmed a selection of classic ’80s TV shows, retro commercials, cartoons, music videos, and movies. Lots of movies. On the weekends, I showed old Japanese monster flicks, along with some vintage anime. Whatever struck my fancy. It didn’t really matter what I programmed. My avatar was still one of the High Five, so my vidfeed drew millions of viewers every day, regardless of what I aired, and this allowed me to sell commercial time to my various sponsors.

"Most of Parzival-TV’s regular viewers were gunters who monitored my vidfeed with the hope that I’d inadvertently reveal some key piece of information about the Jade Key or the egg itself. I never did, of course. At the moment, Parzival-TV was wrapping up a nonstop two-day Kikaider marathon. Kikaider was a late-’70s Japanese action show about a red-and-blue android who beat the crap out of rubber-suited monsters in each episode. I had a weakness for vintage kaiju and tokusatsu, shows like Spectreman, The Space Giants, and Supaidaman.

"I pulled up my programming grid and made a few changes to my evening lineup. I cleared away the episodes of Riptide and Misfits of Science I’d programmed and dropped in a few back-to-back flicks starring Gamera, my favorite giant flying turtle. I thought they should be real crowd pleasers. Then, to finish off the broadcast day, I added a few episodes of Silver Spoons."

-I'm somewhat skeptical that a hodgepodge of old 80s crap would get millions of viewers a day JUST because Parzival's name is on it, but at least this helps explain how Wade was able to afford all the shit he's buying. Though in a devastated economy defined by war, famine, and shortages, I'm surprised there's that much advertiser money to go around.

-Art3mis is also killing it in the digital economy with a...plus-size clothing brand?:

"Art3mis also ran her own vidfeed channel, Art3mivision, and I always kept one of my monitors tuned to it. Right now, she was airing her usual Monday evening fare: an episode of Square Pegs. After that would be ElectraWoman and DynaGirl, followed by back-to-back episodes of Isis and Wonder Woman. Her programming lineup hadn’t changed in ages. But it didn’t matter. She still got killer ratings. Recently, she’d also launched her own wildly successful clothing line for full-figured female avatars, under the label Art3Miss. She was doing really well for herself."

-Art3mis hasn't spoken to Wade since the nightclub disaster. She even rejected Wade when he traveled to her personal stronghold, the small moon Benatar.

-I dropped mix tapes and notes on her palace from the air, like lovesick bombs. Once, in a supreme act of desperation, I stood outside her palace gates for two solid hours, with a boom box over my head, blasting “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel at full volume. She didn’t come out. I don’t even know if she was home."

-Wade's friendship with Aech has collapsed as well, as he ignored him while obsessing over Art3mis and provoked arguments when they did meet:

"I flipped over to Aech’s channel, which he called the H-Feed. He was currently showing a WWF match from the late ’80s, featuring Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. I didn’t even bother checking Daito and Shoto’s channel, the Daishow, because I knew they’d be showing some old samurai movie. That’s all those guys ever aired."

-Wade actually HAS become friends with Daito and Shoto, and recounts beating some ultra high-level Japanese language quest with their assistance. The quest is, of course, a reference:

"The quest was a re-creation of all thirty-nine episodes of the original Ultraman TV series, which had aired on Japanese television from 1966 to 1967. The show’s storyline centered around a human named Hayata who was a member of the Science Patrol, an organization devoted to fighting the hordes of giant Godzilla-like monsters that were constantly attacking Earth and threatening human civilization. When the Science Patrol encountered a threat they couldn’t handle on their own, Hayata would use an alien device called a Beta Capsule to transform into an alien super-being known as Ultraman. Then he would proceed to kick the monster-of-the-week’s ass, using all sorts of kung-fu moves and energy attacks.

"If I’d entered the quest gate by myself, I would have automatically played through the entire series storyline as Hayata. But because Shoto, Daito, and I had all entered at once, we were each allowed to select a different Science Patrol team member to play. We could then change or swap characters at the start of the next level or “episode.” The three of us took turns playing Hayata and his Science Patrol teammates Hoshino and Arashi. As with most quests in the OASIS, playing as a team made it easier to defeat the various enemies and complete each of the levels.

"It took us an entire week, often playing over sixteen hours a day [sheesh], before we were finally able to clear all thirty-nine levels and complete the quest. As we stepped out of the quest gate, our avatars were each awarded a huge amount of experience points and several thousand credits. But the real prize for completing the quest was an incredibly rare artifact: Hayata’s Beta Capsule. The small metal cylinder allowed the avatar who possessed it to transform into Ultraman once a day, for up to three minutes."

-A debate then ensues about who should get to have the Beta Capsule, as there is only one (in the entire OASIS, it turns out). Wade decides to give it to Daito and Shojo because...they're Japanese:

"'You two should keep the Beta Capsule,' I said. 'Urutoraman is Japan’s greatest superhero. His powers belong in Japanese hands.'

They were both surprised and humbled by my generosity. Especially Daito. 'Thank you, Parzival-san,' he said, bowing low. 'You are a man of honor.'"

-Weirdness of that episode aside, this raises some other questions: There's a reference to Wade having to "find" the quest in the first place. Are they really all hidden like that? Also, since GSS had to make the quest, would they really make some 100-hour hyper-detailed quest and then have it be so secret and difficult that only a few top players in the world can even beat it? Wouldn't that take a ton of employee time to create? Could Wade and the rest have had their avatars killed during the quest? If so, wouldn't that be a gigantic hazard? Also, isn't it at least a little unlikely that they'd be the FIRST people to find and beat this quest out of billions of OASIS users? Especially since Wade found it, and he can't speak Japanese. Just seems odd.

-Wade then takes a moment to describe his economic situation. His endorsement money is mostly gone, spent on his super-rig and private asteroid. He also makes a modest income on his TV stream. But to pay for his rent, food, electricity, Internet, and then all his OASIS expenses (ammo, teleportation, etc), Wade actually just spends the money from his full-time job. Wait...he has a full-time job? While also doing entire weeks of 16-hour Ultraman quests? Okay:

"When I’d created my new Bryce Lynch identity, I’d given myself a college degree, along with multiple technical certifications and a long, sterling work record as an OASIS programmer and app developer. However, despite my sterling bogus résumé, the only job I’d been able to get was as a tier-one technical support representative at Helpful Helpdesk Inc., one of the contract firms GSS used to handle OASIS customer service and support. Now I worked forty hours a week, helping morons reboot their OASIS consoles and update the drivers for their haptic gloves. It was grueling work, but it paid the rent.

"I logged out of my own OASIS account and then used my rig to log into a separate OASIS account I’d been issued for work. The log-in process completed and I took control of a Happy Helpdesk avatar, a cookie-cutter Ken doll that I used to take tech-support calls. This avatar appeared inside a huge virtual call center, inside a virtual cubicle, sitting at a virtual desk, in front of a virtual computer, wearing a virtual phone headset. I thought of this place as my own private virtual hell."

-One gets the feeling that Cline could be channeling some real-world anger into this bit:

"Helpful Helpdesk Inc. took millions of calls a day, from all over the world. Twenty-four seven, three sixty-five. One angry, befuddled cretin after another. There was no downtime between calls, because there were always several hundred morons in the call queue, all of them willing to wait on hold for hours to have a tech rep hold their hand and fix their problem. Why bother looking up the solution online? Why try to figure the problem out on your own when you could have someone else do your thinking for you?"

-When Wade's work shift ends, he sees something he's been dreading: Art3mis has found the Jade Key. The chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223982)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 2:49 PM
Author: anal sex

lol that 'POV' concept is so forced you have to wonder how late in the writing process he stumbled across twitch

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224225)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:55 AM
Author: EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!

If no one can get onto his astroid unless he grants them access, why did he need to make it an underground "strong hold?"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227509)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 1:46 PM
Author: deus vult (from Contantinople to the stars)

chaz,

how familiar are you with cicada 3301? theres an example of an irl difficult puzzle that people managed to solve. lol @ "it took years for people to realize this d&d nut was referencing d&d"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223986)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 1:49 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Only know what's on Wikipedia. I'm not big into super-puzzles personally, since I'm not a 1337 hacker.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223999)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 1:58 PM
Author: deus vult (from Contantinople to the stars)

yeah, its a good counterpoint.

sure there are nerd references (like recognizing a reference to neuromancer--something real nerds like). but theres also actual technical work involved to solve shit

the idea that for billions of dollars nobody can spot a d&d reference which you say is not even obscure in d&d is truly galling.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224019)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 1:49 PM
Author: deus vult (from Contantinople to the stars)

dude literally cant comprehend the question raised itt:

"Cline - what do you say to critics that say geek culture has been reduced to route memorization and trivial knowledge, as opposed to a deeper understanding of a creative's work? Negative reviews of Armada have focused on the palpable usage of pop culture as not much more than a roll call of in-jokes and obscure references for their own sake, nothing deeper. I'd love to hear your reaction.

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iamernestcline

AMA Author

179 points

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3 years ago

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edited 3 years ago

I personally don't see any difference between culture and pop culture. Pop culture is the culture I grew up in - the only culture I've ever really known. And if something isn't considered a part of popular culture, then what is it? Unpopular culture? Why would you make an unpopular culture reference, unless you're trying to be obscure? I view pop culture references as just one of the many tools I have as a writer to tell my story and convey meaning to the reader. But I also do my best to make sure the story still works for readers who aren't familiar with any of the things I reference, just as I did with Ready Player One. In the end, you can't write to please critics - you have to write the kind of story you enjoy telling in the way you want to tell it, and trust that other people with a similar sensibility will enjoy reading it.

level 3

Mo0man

14 points

·

3 years ago

You didn't really answer the question. The question would have remained functionally the same if the asker had just crossed out the "pop" part; spending the majority of your answer addressing this minor bit is, at best, a distraction from the question actually being asked. There was also no negative statement on pop culture in general, only in your specific use of it."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38223995)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 6:37 PM
Author: anal sex

"Why would you make an unpopular culture reference, unless you're trying to be obscure?"

we need nuclear holocaust

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38225032)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:57 AM
Author: EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!

Tbf, I think he definitely understood the question.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227514)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 3:02 PM
Author: Sotomayor McCheese

i have to say that, although the storyline is utterly retarded, this whole exploration is entertaining enough that i understand why the book is successful

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224269)



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Date: May 12th, 2019 5:21 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

It’s a bad book, but the popularity is sadly comprehensible.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38224725)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 12:38 AM
Author: Royall Jenkins

It's a solid concept but with incredibly poor execution. Simple as that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38226656)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:18 AM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227428)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:29 AM
Author: animeboi

Its not a solid concept because the idea of following a fictional character playing a fictional game that simulates a fun adventure is fundamentally boring (why not just read a fun adventure story?). And it wasn't even an original idea when it was first published. There are dozens of animes with this theme.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227464)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 4:14 PM
Author: The Macho PE Alpha that Dripped Carried Interest



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234336)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 1:59 AM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 21

Chapter 21

-Wade briefly pauses the narrative (again) to discuss artifacts. Artifacts are unique items in the OASIS. They are extremely powerful and only one of each kind exists at any moment in the OASIS. For instance, an artifact called The Catalyst will, if used, instantly kill EVERY Avatar in an entire sector. Artifacts can be transferred, so they're occasionally put up for auction where they can sell for hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars. You can guess where this is going: IOI is believed to have hoarded most powerful artifacts, including one called Fyndaro's Tablet of Finding. This artifact lets the holder, once per day, see the location of an avatar wherever they are in the OASIS. Now that Art3mis has found the Jade Key, IOI will have a head start in catching up to her, since they'll know roughly where she was.

-Anyway, IOI uses the tablet after Art3mis gets the key, so soon everybody knows the Jade Key is in Sector 7. Wade mopes for a bit, but then gets a surge of motivation. He's done wasting time. He wants to win and PROVE himself to his fat crush.

-Since the Jade Key puzzle mentions collecting trophies, Wade decides to visit a small Sector 7 planet, "Archaide," that has digital replicas of Halliday's 5 Game Designer of the Year trophies, the only trophies Halliday himself ever collected (I guess Wade just never bothered to pursue this obvious lead until now!)

-Wade preps his ship, which is named the Vonnegut (reference!) but is modeled after the Serenity in Firefly (another reference!). To get there, he takes an elevator, "which I’d modeled after the turbolift on the original Star Trek series." Reference #3!

-How did Wade get his Firefly ship? Well, since you ask, Wade rather pointlessly describes, in detail, the long-ago fight that got him his ship.

"I’d looted the Vonnegut from a cadre of Oviraptor clansmen who had foolishly attempted to hijack my X-wing while I was cruising through a large group of worlds in Sector Eleven known as the Whedonverse. The Oviraptors were cocky bastards with no clue who it was

they were messing with. I was in a foul mood even before they’d opened fire on me. Otherwise, I probably would have just evaded them by jumping to light speed. But that day I decided to take their attack personally.

"Ships were like most other items in the OASIS. Each one had specific attributes, weapons, and speed capabilities. My X-wing was far more maneuverable than the Oviraptors’ large transport ship, so it was no trouble for me to avoid the barrage from their aftermarket guns, while I bombarded them with laser bolts and proton torpedoes. After I disabled their engines, I boarded the ship and proceeded to kill every avatar there. The captain tried to apologize when he saw who I was, but I wasn’t in a forgiving mood. After I’d dispatched the crew, I parked my X-wing in the cargo hold and then cruised home in my new ship."

-Wade is in enough of a hurry that he splurges on sending his ship through a stargate, basically an expensive teleporter for entire ships. This rather uneventful chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38226851)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 10:02 AM
Author: EXPLOSIVE diarrhea!!!

If he was bombarding the cargo ship with lasers and torpedos, wouldn't he have destroyed it? Howd he manage to kill the crew without fucking up the ship.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38227525)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 2:29 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 22

Chapter 22

-Wade approaches the planet Archaide, which stands out for how deliberately UN-realistic its graphics are: "[Archaide] was home to the OASIS’s largest classic videogame museum, and its appearance had been designed as a tribute to the vector-graphic games of the late ’70s and early ’80s. The planet’s only surface feature was a web of glowing green dots similar to the ground lights on an airport runway. They were spaced evenly across the globe in a perfect grid, so that, from orbit, Archaide resembled the vector-graphic Death Star from Atari’s 1983 Star Wars arcade game."

-Even though it seems anybody on OASIS can play any old games whenever they want, I still kinda get the appeal of a virtual reality classic arcade. What I don't get is why the entire planet is a PVP zone + a "chaos" zone, where both technology and magic function. Anybody who has played an MMO knows that PVP zones will be full of people eager to pulverize weak avatars. Why would anybody go to an arcade when there's a big risk of getting their avatar killed and losing everything?

-As Wade approaches the planet, he slips in another reference. From space it may look like one game, but up close, it looks like a DIFFERENT game!:

"Here on the surface, Archaide looked exactly like the environment of the 1981 game Battlezone, another vector-graphic classic from Atari. In the distance, a triangular volcano spewed green pixels of lava. You could run toward that volcano for days and never reach it. It always remained at the horizon. Just like in an old videogame, the scenery never changed on Archaide, even if you circumnavigated the globe."

-Oh, and we get a pointless music reference: "As I approached the nearest tunnel entrance, I heard loud music emanating from below. I recognized the song as 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' by Def Leppard, off their Hysteria album (Epic Records, 1987)." [Is the autistic record label reference supposed to be funny? I guess so.]

-When Wade goes beneath the planet surface it becomes normal again. Archaide's underground contains hundreds of different arcade set-ups, each a recreation of a real arcade that once existed, ranging from epic ones to local pizzeries and bowling alleys. Wade has been here before just to explore idly; "I’d been to the core and had played both Tennis for Two and Spacewar! until I’d mastered them."

-Wade's hypothesis about Halliday's Game Designer of the Year trophies is a bust, but then while wandering back to the surface he just LUCKS into a hidden clue:

"I wandered through the maze of empty streets, then down a winding back alley that dead-ended by the entrance of a small pizza shop.

"I froze in my tracks when I saw the name of the place.

"It was called Happytime Pizza, and it was a replica of a small family-run pizza joint that had existed in Halliday’s hometown in the mid-1980s. Halliday appeared to have copied the code for Happytime Pizza from his Middletown simulation and hidden a duplicate of it here in the Archaide museum. What the hell was it doing here? I’d never seen its existence mentioned on any of the gunter message boards or strategy guides. Was it possible no one had ever spotted it before now?"

-More musical references of no importance: "As I walked into the game room, I heard a Bryan Adams song blasting out of the speakers mounted on the carpeted walls. Bryan was singing about how, everywhere he went, the kids wanted to rock."

-Wade notices an unplugged Pac-Man machine, and when he plugs it in he discovers his next challenge:

"The high score at the top of the screen was 3,333,350 points. Several things were strange about this. In the real world, Pac-Man machines didn’t save their high score if they were unplugged. And the high-score counter was supposed to flip over at 1,000,000 points. But this machine displayed a high score of 3,333,350 points—just 10 points shy of the highest Pac-Man score possible. The only way to beat that score would be to play a perfect game.

"I felt my pulse quicken. I’d uncovered something here. Some sort of Easter egg, hidden inside this old coin-op videogame. It wasn’t the Easter egg. Just an Easter egg. Some sort of challenge or puzzle, one I was almost certain had been created and placed here by Halliday.

"I didn’t know if it had anything to do with the Jade Key. It might not be related to the egg at all. But there was only one way to find out. I would have to play a perfect game of Pac-Man."

-Wade explains just how difficult a perfect Pac-Man game is: "You had to play all 256 levels perfectly, all the way up to the final split-screen. And you had to eat every single dot, energizer, fruit, and ghost possible along the way, without ever losing a single life. Less than twenty perfect games had been documented in the game’s sixty-year history. One of them, the fastest perfect game ever played, had been accomplished by James Halliday in just under four hours. He’d done it on an original Pac-Man machine located in the Gregarious Games break room. Because I knew Halliday loved the game, I’d already done a fair amount of research on Pac-Man. But I’d never managed to play a perfect game. Of course, I’d never really made a serious attempt. Up until now, I’d never had a reason to."

-Wade naturally has a huge trove of PacMan ghost patterns and expert footage and PacMan cartoon episodes and blah blah blah. He studies them briefly, and then starts playing the game. He has several false starts that consume basically an entire day. "I was now on my eighth attempt, and I’d been playing for six hours straight. I was rockin’ like Dokken."

-Then, as Wade begins literally the final screen, he's interrupted by a Scoreboard Alert. Aech has also obtained the Jade Key. But Wade keeps his focus, and clears the final screen, even nabbing the 9 invisible dots hidden in the glitched left half. He gets a perfect score, and for his efforts he gets to pick up a quarter that was previously fused to the surface of the machine. However, he doesn't get the Jade Key. For now, the purpose of the quarter is unclear.

-Instead, Parzival gets an email notice from Aech, saying that they are now "even." Attached to the email is a scan of the instruction manual for Zork:

"I’d played and solved Zork once, a long time ago, back during the first year of the Hunt. But I’d also played hundreds of other classic text adventure games that year [Really? Hundreds?], including all of Zork’s sequels, and so most of the details of the game had now faded in my memory."

-Wade's big mistake was never reading the manual for Zork ("Most old text adventure games were pretty self-explanatory."). The game's cover art features a house in the background with boarded up windows and doors. A dwelling long neglected, and the hiding place for the Jade Key. Wade retreats back to his ship and jets off for Frobozz, a planet with a detailed recreation of the game Zork. The chapter ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38228912)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 2:40 PM
Author: Royall Jenkins

That was awfully nice of ex-BFF Aech.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38228963)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 2:41 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

I imagine it's repayment for the Jousting clue. Not a terribly bad development in this otherwise stupid book.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38228967)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 2:54 PM
Author: A Jurisprudence is Performed

he just sits down and runs a perfect PacMan score, through 256 levels? this is like someone saying "yeah I used to bowl when I was a kid," then throwing three straight perfect games.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229018)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 2:56 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

In fairness it does take him 8 attempts, but that's still pretty nutty if a perfect Pac-Man is anywhere near as hard as it sounds.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229024)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 3:01 PM
Author: animeboi

Perfect Pac-Man: May 22, 2013 - 3hrs 28min 49sec (1 of 2)

Published on May 30, 2013

This is my 5th perfect game and first time anyone has achieved a time under 3hrs 30min. This took place on the 33rd anniversary of the Japanese release.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqDaagdVCmo

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229042)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 3:45 PM
Author: Big stuff. Deep State.

lmao at that bro listening to a course on the muslim brotherhood/sharia in the background. his youtube acct is all pacman vids and conservative red meat

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229322)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 4:12 PM
Author: animeboi

yeah, he's a GAMER:

Guys

Against

Muslim

Expropriation of

ameRica

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38229447)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 2:13 AM
Author: anal sex



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231962)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 7:58 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 23

Chapter 23

-Frobozz is one of many rarely-visited planets in the XYZZY Cluster, a collection of worlds that are all tributes to old text adventures or MUD games.

-Wade, a person who has had hyper-realistic virtual reality available for his entire life, is implausibly deeply impressed with primitive text adventure games:

"The first text adventure game I’d ever played was called Colossal Cave, and initially the text-only interface had seemed incredibly simple and crude to me. But after playing for a few minutes, I quickly became immersed in the reality created by the words on the screen. Somehow, the game’s simple two-sentence room descriptions were able to conjure up vivid images in my mind’s eye."

-Wade, and apparently everyone else in the world for about ten months, didn't notice that the Zork clue in the Jade Key puzzle was super obvious:

"According to my grail diary, I’d played the game through to the end just once, all in one day, over four years ago. Since then, in a shocking display of unforgivable ignorance, I’d somehow forgotten two very important details about the game:

1. Zork began with your character standing outside a shuttered white house.

2. Inside the living room of that white house there was a trophy case.

"To complete the game, every treasure you collected had to be returned to the living room

and placed inside the trophy case. Finally, the rest of the Quatrain made sense.

"The captain conceals the Jade Key

in a dwelling long neglected

But you can only blow the whistle

once the trophies are all collected"

-Wade teleports to Frobozz to save time, but he still has to hurry to get the Jade Key before the Sixers show up. As he begins progressing through the simulated version of the game, he notices some extra details not included in the original text:

"I opened the fridge. It was full of junk food. Fossilized pizza, snack puddings, lunch meat, and a wide array of condiment packets. I checked the cupboards. They were filled with canned and dry goods. Rice, pasta, soup.

"And cereal. One entire cupboard was crammed with boxes of vintage breakfast cereals, most of which had been discontinued before I’d been born. Fruit Loops [sic! It's Froot Loops], Honeycombs, Lucky Charms, Count Chocula, Quisp, Frosted Flakes. And hidden way at the back was a lone box of Cap’n Crunch. Printed clearly on the front of it were the words FREE TOY WHISTLE INSIDE! The captain conceals the Jade Key."

-Wade completes Zork in 22 minutes, mercifully sparing us a long description of the game's events. He pockets the Jade Key, gets a vague clue ("Continue your quest by taking the test") and then jets off the planet just as the Sixers arrive and try to shoot him down.

-Wade takes his ship in for repairs at an NPC-operated shop, and sends Aech an email thanking him plus apologizing for being "a colossally insensitive, self-centered asshole." As his ship is repaired, Wade watches news reports about the massive Sixer v. Gunter battle in Frobozz. Massive numbers of avatars are killed. As the chaos unfolds, Sorrento gets the Jade Key, but so does Shoto. Wade watches to see if Daito will also get the key, but instead his name disappears from the scoreboard entirely: His avatar has been killed.

-Other than the 2nd clue once again being WAY too easy to justify taking half a year to solve, this chapter wasn't horribly bad. There weren't a ton of gratuitous references and Wade didn't go overboard in describing Zork.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230574)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 8:26 PM
Author: hung stud

it's also Honeycomb (singular).

If you already know how to get the keys, is it THAT big a deal to get killed? Just restart, go cop the first key (which came with extra points or whatever), buy more shit, then go get second key

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230659)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 8:28 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

It does seem like a decent investment of time/money to get all the way to 99, but yeah, so far none of the actual challenges seem to have required being a high level (unless Zork's enemies needed it).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230665)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:23 PM
Author: animeboi

lol enemies. Zork has none, it's the primitive text-only ancestor to later graphical adventures like Monkey Island. Its a bad choice for a quest because any idiot with a walkthrough can beat it:

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/pc/564446-zork-i/faqs/65211

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230949)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:41 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Are there at least monsters in the context of the adventure? In the book Wade isn’t playing the text adventure; he’s literally re-enacting the adventure itself.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231061)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:45 PM
Author: animeboi

There are monsters but its not like an rpg where they have HP and you swing your sword at them to kill them. In general enemies are defeated via solving puzzles, e.g., using an item on them you found earlier.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231087)



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Date: May 13th, 2019 9:04 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

filfre.net has good articles on Infocom games for anyone who’s interested. My takeaway was that they were not really games as we think of them—more like weird puzzle boxes in text form.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38230821)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 12:33 AM
Author: Don Kihote

I played a few of these on an old PC in the late 80's / early 90's

Nord and Bert Can't Make Head or Tail of It was just descriptions of scenes you solved by typing in short puns to advance

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231779)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 12:16 AM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)

You are doing yeoman's work slogging through this for us.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38231748)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 2:00 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 24

Chapter 24

-The Battle of Frobozz is a giant clusterfuck. The Sixers initially try to blockade the whole planet, but fail. Instead, they settle for controlling a chunk of the planet so that their avatars can efficiently get the Jade Key, without denying it to the rest of the gunters. Hundreds of IOI employees and gunters get the Jade Key. Overall, more than 5,000 names are on the scoreboard for at least getting the Copper Key (surprised it's that low tbh).

-Wade is hopelessly puzzled by the Second Gate clue:

"'Continue your quest by taking the test.'

"Yes, but what test? What test was I supposed to take? The Kobayashi Maru? The Pepsi Challenge? Could the clue have been any more vague?"

-Wade doesn't have long to think though, as after just a few hours, the Scoreboard updates: The Sixers, led by Sorrento, have already figured out the Second Gate and taken the lead. Wade takes the news poorly:

"I suddenly felt ill, and I was also having a difficult time breathing. I realized I must be having some sort of panic attack. A total and complete freak-out. A massive mental meltdown. Whatever you want to call it. I went a little nuts. I tried calling Aech, but he didn’t pick up. Either he was still pissed off at me, or he had other, more pressing matters to attend to. I was about to call Shoto, but then I remembered that his brother’s avatar had just been killed. He probably wasn’t in a very receptive mood.

"I considered flying to Benatar to try to get Art3mis to talk to me, but then I came to my senses. She’d had the Jade Key in her possession for several days, and she still hadn’t been able to clear the Second Gate. Learning that the Sixers had done it in less than twenty-four hours had probably driven her into a psychotic rage. Or maybe a catatonic stupor. She probably didn’t feel like talking to anyone right now, least of all me. I tried calling her anyway. As usual, she didn’t answer."

-It gets worse, though. Two days later, Sorrento's score goes up even more: He's found the Crystal Key. IOI is now on the brink of winning the entire tournament. Wade's reaction sounds like a Reddit comment: "Up until now, the Sixers had only made progress by tracking Art3mis, Aech, or me. How had those same clueless asshats found the Second Gate on their own? Maybe they’d just gotten lucky. Or perhaps they’d discovered some new and innovative way to cheat. How else could they have solved the riddle so quickly, when Art3mis hadn’t been able to do it with several days’ head start? My brain felt like hammered Play-Doh. I couldn’t make any sense of the clue printed on the Jade Key. I was completely out of ideas."

-Wade decides on what he'll do once IOI wins the contest: "First, I would choose one of the kids in my official fan club, someone with no money and a first-level newbie avatar, and give her every item I owned. Then I would activate the self-destruct sequence on my stronghold and sit in my command center while the whole place went up in a massive thermonuclear explosion. My avatar would die and GAME OVER would appear in the center of my display. Then I would rip off my visor and leave my apartment for the first time in six months. I would ride the elevator up to the roof. Or maybe I would even take the stairs. Get a little exercise.

"There was an arboretum on the roof of my apartment building. I had never visited it, but I’d seen photos and admired the view via webcam. A transparent Plexiglas barrier had been installed around the ledge to keep people from jumping, but it was a joke. At least three determined individuals had managed to climb over it since I’d moved in. I would sit up there and breathe the unfiltered city air for a while, feeling the wind on my skin. Then I would scale the barrier and hurl myself over the side."

-As Wade wallows in misery, he gets a call from Shoto: Apparently Daito left him something in his digital "will," and wants to give it to him. Wade asks why Daito is leaving him an item rather than just having his brother hold it while he makes a new avatar. Shoto says his brother won't be making a new avatar, and he'll explain why when they meet in person (lol, the book says "in person" but it's actually in the OASIS). Another short chapter ends.



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38233719)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 2:41 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 25

Chapter 25

-Shoto arrives at Wade's asteroid base on his ship, which is a pair of references: "Shoto’s vessel was a large interplanetary trawler named the Kurosawa, modeled after a ship called the Bebop in the classic anime series Cowboy Bebop."

-As Shoto enters, his avatar is wearing black mourning robes. Another reference drops: "I led him up to one of my stronghold’s rarely used “sitting rooms,” a re-creation of the living room set from Family Ties. Shoto recognized the decor and nodded his silent approval."

-Shoto reveals that he is in deep mourning because his brother didn't simply lose his avatar: The Sixers actually murdered him in real life: "'They broke into his apartment, pulled him out of his haptic chair, and threw him off his balcony. He lived on the forty-third floor.'

"Shoto opened a browser window in the air beside us. It displayed a Japanese newsfeed article. I tapped it with my index finger, and the Mandarax software translated the text to English. The headline was ANOTHER OTAKU SUICIDE. The brief article below said that a young man, Toshiro Yoshiaki, age twenty-two, had jumped to his death from his apartment, located on the forty-third floor of a converted hotel in Shinjuku, Tokyo, where he lived alone. I saw a school photo of Toshiro beside the article. He was a young Japanese man with long, unkempt hair and bad skin. He didn’t look anything like his OASIS avatar."

-Wade asks if Daito may have genuinely committed suicide. Shoto replies "No, Daito did not commit seppuku. I’m sure of it." But "seppuku" isn't the Japanese word for suicide (that's "jisatsu"); it means "belly-cutting" and refers specifically to the samurai ritual of belly-cutting. This seems like a Cline fuck-up.

-Wade and Shoto reveal their real names to each other. Shoto then reveals that Daito wasn't actually his brother: "My relationship with Daito is difficult to explain. We were not brothers. Not in real life. Just in the OASIS. Do you understand? We only knew each other online. I never actually met him."

-It turns out Daito and Shoto were both hikikomori, some of the millions of Japanese men and women who have secluded themselves from society entirely to live in the OASIS. They became friends and partners when the Egg Hunt began: "They made a perfect team, because Toshiro was a prodigy at videogames, while the much younger Akihide was well versed in American pop culture."

-Wade then relates a quite long (3 or so pages) description of Daito's final fight, just...cuz, I suppose. Daito and Shoto arrive on Frobozz, and while Shoto gets the Jade Key, Daito uses their artifact to turn into Ultraman and kick ass. For some reason, Wade includes the tension that Daito has to revert from his Ultraman form within three minutes or his avatar will die, even though we already have learned that Daito was murdered IN REAL LIFE during this fight. Anyway, Daito kills a lot of Sixers and destroys a lot of gunships, but then they break into his apartment and kill him. Cline throws in an entire paragraph explaining the consequences of logging-out mid fight:

"Logging out of your OASIS account while you were engaged in combat was the same thing as committing suicide. During the log-out sequence, your avatar froze in place for sixty seconds, during which time you were totally defenseless and susceptible to attack. The log-out sequence was designed this way to prevent avatars from using it as an easy way to escape a fight. You had to stand your ground or retreat to a safe location before you could log out. Daito’s log-out sequence had been engaged at the worst possible moment. As soon as his avatar froze, he began to take heavy laser and gunfire from all directions. The red warning light on his chest began to flash faster and faster until it finally went solid red. When that happened, Daito’s giant form fell over and collapsed. As he fell, he barely missed crushing Shoto and the Kurosawa. As he hit the ground, his avatar’s body transformed and shrank back to its normal size and appearance. Then it began to disappear altogether, slowly fading out of existence. When Daito’s avatar vanished completely, it left behind a small pile of spinning items on the ground—everything he’d been carrying in his inventory, including the Beta Capsule. He was dead."

-Anyway, Daito is out, and he leaves Wade the Beta Capsule: "Its size and shape reminded me of the lightsabers I owned. But lightsabers were a dime a dozen. I had over fifty in my collection. There was only one Beta Capsule, and it was a far more powerful weapon."

-Shoto says his goal is no longer finding the egg, but getting revenge on IOI. In response, Wade gives Shoto a powerful SAMURAI SWORD:

"I walked over and took down one of the samurai swords mounted on the wall and presented it to Shoto. 'Please,' I said. 'Accept this gift. To aid you in your new quest.'

"Shoto took the sword and drew its ornate blade a few inches from the scabbard. 'A Masamune?' he asked, staring at the blade in wonder.

"I nodded. 'Yes. And it’s a plus-five Vorpal Blade, too.'

"Shoto bowed again to show his gratitude. 'Arigato.'

"We rode the elevator back down to my hangar in silence. Just before he boarded his ship,

"Shoto turned to me. 'How long do you think it will take the Sixers to clear the Third Gate?' he asked.

"'I don’t know,' I said. 'Hopefully, long enough for us to catch up with them.'

"'It’s not over until the fat lady is singing, right?'

"I nodded. 'It’s not over until it’s over. And it’s not over yet.'"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38233888)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 3:56 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)

hikikomori typically live at home and are enabled by their parents. that's kind of the point: if you don't have a job and you don't leave the house, you need people to provide for your basic needs. how does he even get weeabooing wrong

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234246)



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Date: May 14th, 2019 4:11 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Cline does mention that hikikomori "rely on their families to bring them food," so it's not quite that bad (it also makes them better than Wade himself, ljl).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38234320)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 12:37 PM
Author: N904PD

I feel like with some minor retconning you could have Christian Nation and Ready Player One exist in the same universe.

Christian nation finally overthrown in 2020s after massive civil war and county is still realing years later.

No pop culture created for a few decades which explains why people are obsessed with the 80s.

Halliday goes underground to maintain geek culture, and debuts OASIS when the war is over.

The former Purity Web people found IOI.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38238298)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 10:38 AM
Author: Andrew Jackson's record of tremendous success



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243081)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 2:44 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 26

Chapter 26

-A few hours after Shoto leaves, Wade figures out the Second Gate puzzle, by abruptly making a connection to Blade Runner:

"In my other hand, I held the silver foil wrapper. My eyes darted from the key to the wrapper and back to the key again as I tried desperately to make the connection between them. I’d been doing this for hours, and it wasn’t getting me anywhere.

"I sighed and put the key away, then laid the wrapper flat on the control panel in front of me. I carefully smoothed out all of its folds and wrinkles. The wrapper was square in shape, six inches long on each edge. Silver foil on one side, dull white paper on the other. I pulled up some image-analysis software and made a high-resolution scan of both sides of the wrapper. Then I magnified both images on my display and studied every micrometer. I couldn’t find any markings or writing anywhere, on either side of the wrapper’s surface. I was eating some corn chips at the time [Didn't he earlier say he adjusted his diet to be healthier? Guess not lol], so I was using voice commands to operate the image-analysis software. I instructed it to demagnify the scan of the wrapper and center the image on my display. As I did this, it reminded me of a scene in Blade Runner, where Harrison Ford’s character, Deckard, uses a similar voice-controlled scanner to analyze a photograph.

"I held up the wrapper and took another look at it. As the virtual light reflected off its foil surface, I thought about folding the wrapper into a paper airplane and sailing it across the room. That made me think of origami, which reminded me of another moment from Blade Runner. One of the final scenes in the film. And that was when it hit me.

"'The unicorn,' I whispered.

"The moment I said the word “unicorn” aloud, the wrapper began to fold on its own, there in the palm of my hand. The square piece of foil bent itself in half diagonally, creating a silver triangle. It continued to bend and fold itself into smaller triangles and even smaller diamond shapes until at last it formed a four-legged figure that then sprouted a tail, a head, and finally, a horn.

"The wrapper had folded itself into a silver origami unicorn. One of the most iconic images

from Blade Runner. I was already riding the elevator down to my hangar and shouting at Max to prep the Vonnegut for takeoff.

"'Continue your quest by taking the test.' Now I knew exactly what “test” that line referred to, and where I needed to go to take it. The origami unicorn had revealed everything to me."

-Even XOpos should realize by now that the "test" Wade has to take is the Voight-Kampff test from Blade Runner. It took Wade several days to think of it, even though it's easily one of the most famous "tests" in pop culture, and even though it's [naturally] yet another film Wade has watched over and over until he has it completely memorized:

"Blade Runner was referenced in the text of Anorak’s Almanac no less than fourteen times. It had been one of Halliday’s top ten all-time favorite films. And the film was based on a novel by Philip K. Dick, one of Halliday’s favorite authors. For these reasons, I’d seen Blade Runner over four dozen times and had memorized every frame of the film and every line of dialogue."

-Normally, Wade would have to worry about the Sixers barricading the Second Gate, but Cline has thought of a creative plot loophole around it: The Tyrell Building that holds the Voight-Kampff machine is actually a default template structure in the OASIS, used as generic background filler on hundreds of planets. Wade guesses that any copy of the building should have an entrance to the gate.

-Template or not, though, to reach the Voight-Kampff machine Wade has a short completely tension-free FIGHT SCENE:

"As I rode the elevator down to the 440th floor, I powered on my armor and drew my guns. Five security checkpoints stood between the elevator and the room I needed to reach. Unless the template had been altered, fifty NPC Tyrell security guard replicants would be standing between me and my destination.

"The shooting started as soon as the elevator doors slid open. I had to kill seven skin jobs before I could even make it out of the elevator car and into the hallway.

"The next ten minutes played out like the climax of a John Woo movie. One of the ones starring Chow Yun Fat, like Hard Boiled or The Killer. I switched both of my guns to autofire and held down the triggers as I moved from one room to the next, mowing down every NPC in my path. The guards returned fire, but their bullets pinged harmlessly off my armor. I never ran out of ammo, because each time I fired a round, a new round was teleported into the bottom of the clip.

"My bullet bill this month was going to be huge."

-Wade reaches the Voight-Kampff machine, but mercifully we don't have to read him reciting all the answers to the test. Instead, the machine simply opens up to insert the Jade Key. Wade enters the second gate. It teleports him to a recreation of Halliday's childhood bowling alley. An irresistible force sucks Wade into the alley's arcade, and from there into an arcade machine for Capcom's 1987 platformer Black Tiger. Wade is psyched, because, naturally, Black Tiger is another thing he memorized and mastered long ago:

"In one of the earliest journal entries in Anorak’s Almanac, Halliday wrote that whenever his parents would start screaming at each other, he would sneak out of the house and ride his bike to the local bowling alley to play Black Tiger, because it was a game he could beat on just one quarter. AA 23:234: 'For one quarter, Black Tiger lets me escape from my rotten existence for three glorious hours. Pretty good deal.'

"Black Tiger had first been released in Japan under its original title Burakku Doragon. Black Dragon. The game had been renamed for its American release. I’d deduced that the black dragon painting on the wall of Anorak’s study had been a subtle hint that Burakku Doragon would play a key role in the Hunt. So I’d studied the game until, like Halliday, I could reach the end on just one credit. After that, I continued to play it every few months, just to keep from getting rusty."

-But, sike! Wade doesn't have to play Black Tiger. He has to LIVE Black Tiger:

"I looked down at my avatar’s body. I now looked exactly like the hero of Black Tiger—a muscular, half-naked barbarian warrior dressed in an armored thong and a horned helmet. My right arm disappeared in a strange metal gauntlet, from which hung a long retractable chain with a spiked metal ball on the end. My right hand deftly held three throwing daggers. When I hurled them off in the black void at my right, three more identical daggers instantly appeared in my hand. When I tried jumping, I discovered that I could leap thirty feet straight up and land back on my feet with catlike grace.

"Now I understood. I was about to play Black Tiger, all right. But not the fifty-year-old, 2-D, side-scrolling platform game that I had mastered. I was now standing inside a new, immersive, three-dimensional version of the game that Halliday had created. My knowledge of the original game’s mechanics, levels, and enemies would definitely come in handy, but the game play was going to be completely different, and it would require an entirely different set of skills.

"The First Gate had placed me inside one of Halliday’s favorite movies, and now the Second Gate had put me inside one of his favorite videogames. While I was pondering the implication of this pattern, a message began to flash on my display: GO!

"I looked around. An arrow etched into the stone wall on my left pointed the way forward. I stretched my arms and legs, cracked my knuckles, and took a deep breath. Then, readying my weapons, I ran forward, leaping from platform to platform, to confront the first of my adversaries."

-Admittedly, this is a much more interesting setup than Cline describing Wade re-enacting Wargames or playing Pac-Man. So, naturally, he doesn't actually describe Wade playing through Black Tiger. Instead, he just jumps straight to him beating the gate:

"I managed to clear all eight levels of the game in just under three hours [YouTube playthroughs suggest the game only takes 50 minutes to beat, but w/e]. The closest I came to death was during my battle with the final boss, the Black Dragon, who, of course, looked exactly like the beast depicted in the painting in Anorak’s study. I’d used up all of my extra lives, and my vitality bar was almost at zero, but I managed to keep moving and stay clear of the dragon’s fiery breath while I slowly knocked down his life meter with a steady barrage of throwing daggers. When I struck the final killing blow, the dragon crumbled into digital dust in front of me. I let out a long, exhausted sigh of relief."

-Once Wade clears the gate, a wizard appears on the arcade screen and gives him the chance to choose a giant robot. Despite supposedly competing to win the contest, Wade chooses his favorite bot instead of the strongest possible one:

"A long row of robot icons appeared below the wise man, stretching across the screen horizontally. By moving the joystick left or right, I found that I was able to scroll through a selection of over a hundred different “giant robots.” When one of these robots was highlighted, a detailed list of its stats and weaponry appeared on the screen beside it. There were several robots I didn’t recognize, but most were familiar. I spotted Gigantor, Tranzor Z, the Iron Giant, Jet Jaguar, the sphinx-headed Giant Robo from Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot, the entire Shogun Warriors toy line, and many of the mechs featured in both the Macross and Gundam anime series. Eleven of these icons were grayed out and had a red “X” over them, and these robots could not be identified or selected. I knew they must be the ones taken by Sorrento and the other Sixers who had cleared this gate before me.

"It seemed possible that I was about to be awarded a real, working recreation of whichever robot I selected, so I studied my options carefully, searching for the one I thought would be the most powerful and well armed. But I stopped cold when I saw Leopardon, the giant transforming robot used by Supaidaman, the incarnation of Spider-Man who appeared on Japanese TV in the late 1970s. I’d discovered Supaidaman during the course of my research and had become somewhat obsessed with the show. So I didn’t care if Leopardon was the most powerful robot available. I had to have him, regardless."

-Wade gets a foot-tall replica of Leapardon, and then gets his next clue: A Crystal Key spinning inside a red circle with a glowing star inside it. Wade immediately knows where he needs to go, but we have to wait for the next chapter to start.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38238985)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 2:53 PM
Author: Naked in his Chinkle Chankle

FUCK

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239038)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 3:05 PM
Author: animeboi

""Black Tiger had first been released in Japan under its original title Burakku Doragon. Black Dragon. The game had been renamed for its American release."

Does Cline not actually know that "Burakku Doragon" is just the closest Japanese phonetic approximation to the English words "Black Dragon"?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239126)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 3:25 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

I wouldn't sweat it too much. The "seppuku" fuckup last chapter is far more glaring.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38239219)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 10:47 AM
Author: animeboi

Hate to admit it, but Black Tiger was one of my favourite arcade games from that time and unusually for RP1 from the late 80s. It was never hugely popular.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243133)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 8:10 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 27

Chapter 27

-Wade knows exactly where to go because the hint he saw was, naturally, the cover of Rush's album 2112:

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Ck2KgCJBX1Q/maxresdefault.jpg

-It turns out Rush was Clin-, I mean, Halliday's favorite band, so of course Wade has a mountain of information memorized about them:

"Rush had been Halliday’s favorite band, from his teens onward. He’d once revealed in an interview that he’d coded every single one of his videogames (including the OASIS) while listening exclusively to Rush albums. He often referred to Rush’s three members—Neil Peart, Alex Lifeson, and Geddy Lee—as “the Holy Trinity” or 'the Gods of the North.' In my grail diary, I had every single Rush song, album, bootleg, and music video ever made. I had high-res scans of all their liner notes and album artwork. Every frame of Rush concert footage in existence. Every radio and television interview the band had ever done. Unabridged biographies on each band member, along with copies of their side projects and solo work. I pulled up the band’s discography and selected the album I was looking for: 2112, Rush’s classic sci-fi–themed concept album."

-Memorized knowledge of Rush's lyrics tells Wade where the Key is hidden:

"2112’s title track is an epic seven-part song, over twenty minutes in length. The song tells the story of an anonymous rebel living in the year 2112, a time when creativity and self-expression have been outlawed. The red star on the album’s cover was the symbol of the Solar Federation, the oppressive interstellar society in the story. The Solar Federation was controlled by a group of 'priests,' who are described in Part II of the song, titled 'The Temples of Syrinx.' Its lyrics told me exactly where the Crystal Key was hidden:

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx

Our great computers fill the hallowed halls.

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx

All the gifts of life are held within our walls."

-It turns out there is an entire planet called Syrinx, so Wade heads straight there. It's a desolate rock planet with no NPCs, so ordinarily there is no reason to visit it at all. Despite that, it still has more than a thousand copies of Megadon, the city named in Rush's 2112 liner notes. Wade says this means he can easily land on the planet and find the key without Sixer interference. He seems to have totally forgotten that the Sixers have an artifact that can pinpoint his exact location once a day. Presumably, they could simply camp somewhere on Syrinx and press it once a day, with okay odds of catching him and then overwhelming him with troops. But I guess that plot device only mattered for the Jade Key, because Wade doesn't mention it at all.

-Wade uses the 2112 liner notes to find a guitar hidden in a cave. He knows the exact model, and another reference tells him what to do next: "I recognized its design from the 2112 concert footage I’d watched during the trip here. It was a 1974 Gibson Les Paul, the exact guitar used by Alex Lifeson during the 2112 tour. I grinned at the absurd Arthurian image of the guitar in the stone. Like every gunter, I’d seen John Boorman’s film Excalibur many times, so it seemed obvious what I should do next. I reached out with my right hand, grasped the neck of the guitar, and pulled. The guitar came free of the stone with a prolonged metallic shhingggg!"

-At this moment, Wade reveals a previously-unmentioned talent. Even though he's only ever played in the Oasis, and had nothing but haptic gloves to play with until six months ago, he's a guitar prodigy. And those prodigious skills give him a SECRET CLUE:

"But then an idea occurred to me and I froze. James Halliday had taken guitar lessons for a few years in high school. That was what had first inspired me to learn to play. I’d never held an actual guitar, but on a virtual axe, I could totally shred. I searched my inventory and found a guitar pick. Then I opened my grail diary and pulled up the sheet music for 2112, along with the guitar tablature for the song 'Discovery,' which describes the hero’s discovery of the guitar in a room hidden behind a waterfall. As I began to play the song, the sound of the guitar blasted off the chamber walls and back out through the cave, despite the absence of any electricity or amplifiers. When I finished playing the first measure of “Discovery,” a message briefly appeared, carved into the stone from which I’d pulled the guitar.

The first was ringed in red metal

The second, in green stone

The third is clearest crystal

and cannot be unlocked alone"

-Wade deduces that the arrogant Sixers probably didn't think to play the song on the guitar, so they don't have this special clue for unlocking the Third Gate.

-Wade returns the guitar to the Temple of Syrinx and is rewarded with the Crystal Key. The only clue on it is a stylized letter A, the symbol of Anorak, Halliday's avatar. The symbol sits on the front of Castle Anorak, which sits on the planet Cthonia, a precise recreation of Halliday's high school D&D campaign. Nobody has ever successfully entered Castle Anorak, so Wade concludes that the Third Gate must be there.

-Wade travels to Cthonia, but it has already been transformed into a fortress, with the entire Sixer army surrounding it. Penetrating their perimeter around Castle Anorak turns out to be literally impossible, due to an OP artifact they have:

"Later that night, several high-level gunter wizards finished casting a series of divination spells on the castle and announced on the message boards that the shield around the castle was generated by a powerful artifact called the Orb of Osuvox, which could only be operated by a wizard who was ninety-ninth level. According to the artifact’s item description, it could create a spherical shield around itself, with a circumference of up to half a kilometer. This shield was impenetrable and indestructible and could vaporize just about anything that touched it. It could also be kept up indefinitely, as long as the wizard operating the orb remained immobile and kept both hands on the artifact. In the days that followed, gunters tried everything they could think of to penetrate the shield. Magic. Technology. Teleportation. Counterspells. Other artifacts. Nothing worked. There was no way to get inside."

Things seem hopeless, but against all odds, Wade has a plan. He messages Aech, Art3mis, and Shoto and tells them how to clear the Second Gate and get the Crystal Key. Then, he launches the more dangerous part, and Part 2 ends: "I was going to reach the Third Gate, or die trying."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240616)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 8:34 PM
Author: King Stannis



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240771)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 9:02 PM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38240917)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 9:28 PM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241042)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 10:18 PM
Author: anal sex



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241314)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 10:36 AM
Author: animeboi

With their 1976 concept album 2112, Canadian band Rush achieved the pinnacle of 80's pop culture.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243072)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 9:56 PM
Author: Diamond Dallas Chad (πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž)

Doing God's work here. No interest in actually reading the book, but I want to see how this ends.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241211)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 10:44 AM
Author: Naked in his Chinkle Chankle



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243117)



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Date: May 15th, 2019 11:39 PM
Author: King Stannis

im assuming that xoxo is part of a similar multiyear scavanger hunt, and that the Load Bearing Slash is the first easter egg that remains unsolved

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38241734)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 10:31 AM
Author: Star Wars Diversity Alliance (ratfacedman@gmail.com)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243041)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 11:11 AM
Author: Sotomayor McCheese

it's not unsolved, it's a hash cipher that details how to have sex with men for money when unencrypted

luis has been on the top of the leaderboard for years

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243279)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 11:11 AM
Author: biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm (πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸ‘)

That's why we're here all day endlessly studying xo content

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243281)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 11:14 AM
Author: N904PD

I’ve watched “Hate Crime (2012)” 53 times.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38243298)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 7:55 PM
Author: Sporting Events



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38245844)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 10:09 PM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246610)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 8:56 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)
Subject: Chapter 28

Chapter 28

-And we're into Part 3! The opening quote is from Anorak's Almanac again: "Going outside is highly overrated. —Anorak’s Almanac, Chapter 17, Verse 32."

-Wade's secret plan begins while he's watching yet another film that he has apparently watched dozens of times:

"When the IOI corporate police came to arrest me, I was right in the middle of the movie Explorers (1985, directed by Joe Dante). It’s about three kids who build a spaceship in their backyard and then fly off to meet aliens. Easily one of the greatest kid flicks ever made. I’d gotten into the habit of watching it at least once a month. It kept me centered."

-Wait, corporate police? Yeah, Cline is about to drop another bit of worldbuilding. Modern America has debt slavery. The "IOI Indentured Servant Retrieval Transport" arrives and unloads "four jackbooted, riot-helmeted dropcops." Really? They're wearing jackboots? Shin or even knee-length leather boots used for marching? Would those really be practical for militarized police? Modern SWAT teams don't seem to wear them: https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/58ce98581400008b060704e1.jpg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale

Hm.

-The dropcops and some suit come up to take Wade into debt slavery:

"'My name is Michael Wilson, and I’m with the Credit and Collections division of Innovative Online Industries.' He consulted his clipboard. 'I’m here because you have failed to make the last three payments on your IOI Visa card, which has an outstanding balance in excess of twenty thousand dollars. Our records also show that you are currently unemployed and have therefore been classified as impecunious. Under current federal law, you are now eligible for mandatory indenturement. You will remain indentured until you have paid your debt to our company in full, along with all applicable interest, processing and late fees, and any other charges or penalties that you incur henceforth.” Wilson motioned toward the dropcops. 'These gentlemen are here to assist me in apprehending you and escorting you to your new place of employment. We request that you open your door and grant us access to your residence. Please be aware that we are authorized to seize any personal belongings you have inside. The sale value of these items will, of course, be deducted from your outstanding credit balance.'"

-It takes them a while to get in, because Wade has used his meager income to turn his OASIS cave into an implausibly-secure fortress:

"The other welder moved a few feet farther down and began to cut a hole right through the wall of my apartment. These guys had access to the building’s security specs, so they knew the walls of each apartment were lined with steel plating and a layer of concrete, which they could cut through much more quickly than the titanium WarDoor.

"Of course, I’d taken the precaution of reinforcing my apartment’s walls, floor, and ceiling, with a titanium alloy SageCage, which I’d assembled piece by piece. Once they cut through my wall, they would have to cut through the cage, too. But this would buy me only five or six extra minutes, at the most. Then they would be inside.

"I’d heard that dropcops had a nickname for this procedure—cutting an indent out of a fortified residence so they could arrest him. They called it doing a C-section. I dry-swallowed two of the antianxiety pills I’d ordered in preparation for this day. I’d already taken two earlier that morning, but they didn’t seem to be working."

-As they bust in, Wade initiates a self-destruct sequence on his OASIS rig by typing in "Shitstorm." The hard-drive deletes itself, and in incendiary device melts the machine. As a dropcop enters, "It occurred to me then that this cop was the first visitor I’d ever had in my apartment in all the time I’d lived there." [I guess the guys who installed all the steel and concrete security don't count]

-"When the dropcop finished strapping on the ball gag, he grabbed me by the exoskeleton of my haptic suit, yanked me out of my haptic chair like a rag doll, and threw me on the floor. The other dropcop hit the kill switch that opened my WarDoor, and the last two dropcops rushed in, followed by Wilson the suit. I curled into a ball on the floor and closed my eyes. I started to shake involuntarily. I tried to prepare myself for what I knew was about to happen next.

"They were going to take me outside.

"'Mr. Lynch,' Wilson said, smiling. 'I hereby place you under corporate arrest.'"

-Wade is taken down to the police van and hast some...interesting co-prisoners:

"The indent on my right was a tall, thin guy, probably a few years older than me. He looked like he might be suffering from malnutrition. The other indent was morbidly obese, and I couldn’t be sure of the person’s gender. I decided to think of him as male. His face was obscured by a mop of dirty blond hair, and something that looked like a gas mask covered his nose and mouth. A thick black tube ran from the mask down to a nozzle on the floor. I wasn’t sure of its purpose until he lurched forward, drawing his restraints tight, and vomited into the mask. I heard a vacuum activate, sucking the indent’s regurgitated Oreos down the tube and into the floor. I wondered if they stored it in an external tank or just dumped it on the street. Probably a tank. IOI would probably have his vomit analyzed and put the results in his file."

-IOI's highly-efficient operation immediately begins seizing all of Wade's stuff: "A repair crew would patch the outer wall and replace the door. IOI would be billed, and the cost of the repairs would be added to my outstanding debt to the company. By midafternoon, the lucky gunter who was next on the apartment building’s waiting list would get a message informing him that a unit had opened up, and by this evening, the new tenant would probably already be moved in. By the time the sun went down, all evidence that I’d ever lived there would be totally erased."

-To keep Wade calm, the guards slap a visor on his face that has a rudimentary simulation of a pleasant beach. Wade takes it off, because "I hadn’t been out here in the real world for a long time, and I wanted to see how it had changed."



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246144)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 9:37 PM
Author: Diamond Dallas Chad (πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž)

Where is chapter 28 you motherfucker?

Btw, I'm eagerly awaiting the conclusion. Pls also post a lengthy analysis of the book as a whole when you finish.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246375)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 9:41 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

Whoops, the above was Ch 28. The book uses a weird font for the chapter numbers that is hard to read.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246401)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 9:49 PM
Author: Diamond Dallas Chad (πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž)

I feel like you could have savaged this chapter a lot more, although merely copying and pasting some of these passages is devastating in its own right.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246486)



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Date: May 16th, 2019 10:23 PM
Author: CharlesXII (CharlesXII)

You're right. I was lulled a bit by how the last few chapters have been low on specific things to mock. A few more thoughts:

-Wade describes this process of extracting people from hyper-secure apartments as a routine thing that police (or corporate cops) do all the time. Are THAT many people really turning their apartments into steel fortresses? Wouldn't that be hugely expensive, and isn't this a time of tremendous energy shortages and poverty? Besides the cost of installation, in an energy-scarce future steel and concrete would be more expensive, as would transporting it. At the least, it seems like the people making armored cocoons would be more well-off and unlikely to have the police come and seize them. How often are shitty ghetto houses in the hood hard for police to penetrate today?

-That hyper-obese person of unclear gender that Wade sees is, disturbingly, by far the most memorable image he's provided in this whole book. But this circles back to something we saw at the start: Wade says food is so scarce that many people are starving. Is there really a shut-in debtor eating so much junk food that he became morbidly obese? Does the concept of jhunk food even make much sense in a world of food scarcity?

-Wade makes a big deal out of delaying the debt police as long as possible with his super-security, but it's actually totally irrelevant. He just logs out and initiates the self-destruct as soon as they arrive at the building, and surrenders as soon as they walk in. The whole sequence seems included just to make the arrest feel more "epic."

-How many movies are we at that Wade has watched ten-plus times? At least six John Hughes movies, Ladyhawke, Blade Runner, Wargames, Explorers, Ghostbusters, Real Genius, Better Off Dead, and Revenge of the Nerds. FFS, when did he watch the hundreds of OTHER movies he claimed to watch. He's always RE-watching things. Gah. And the most absurd one is actually yet to come.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38246676)



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Date: May 17th, 2019 6:02 AM
Author: wait till biggus dickus hears of this

Also I think your earlier estimate of how much time all that stuff would have taken was based on a single viewing, when in reality he describes being an *expert* in a shitload of TV shows (in addition to all the movies you mentioned). Speaking from experience with the Simpsons, it takes years of repeat viewings to really memorize that stuff. Would be interesting how different things would have been if it were written with a team approach where you had to assemble teams of specialists. But whatever, I don't think it detracts from the story, it's just lol. Good thread

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38247700)



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Date: May 17th, 2019 6:17 PM
Author: Diamond Dallas Chad (πŸ’ŽπŸ™ŒπŸ’Ž)

"OF COURSE, I'd taken the precaution of reinforcing my apartment . . ."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38250777)



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Date: May 18th, 2019 1:56 AM
Author: Such anathema to us! (as The Americans)

Had the same thought, glad Charles returned to SAVAGE that part. What was the point??

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38252186)



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Date: May 19th, 2019 1:19 AM
Author: Royall Jenkins

?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4248817&forum_id=2#38255535)