take notes, TT:

"Musings of a currycel/Muslimcel

Note: I understand this is slightly religiously charged, but I don't really have anywhere else to vent. Please do overlook it if you dislike religion.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

"Verily, ahead of you are days of patience, wherein patience will be like grasping hot coals, and the one who does good deeds will have the reward of fifty men who do likewise"

​ Times have indeed changed from that of the early Muslims. Forever gone are the simple days when the evening sun cast long shadows of gently swaying palm trees upon the fields of Medina, while the Companions of Muhammad made their way through the narrow, winding alleyways to the Prophet’s Mosque. In their place has emerged an era of widespread confusion and tribulations, which has infected the very core of society.

Every man has their own tests. And perhaps one of the more severe ones decreed for me is isolation and loneliness. I know I have always been somewhat of an outcast from even my formative years, always being mocked and considered as lacking intelligence. Females, in particular, have always been revolted by me - even Muslimahs. This isn't because I approach, stare or even talk to them - I do not. I can simply tell from their behaviour when they are in close proximity to me; seeing faces of utter revulsion and disgust. The look on their eyes as they desperately attempt to ignore and unregister my presence.

I grew up knowing a few girls who were the children of family friends, and around the same age as me. I am simply ignored by them now. Not because they are religious - if anything, they are some of the most liberal girls I know in real life - but because of my appearance.

So even my childhood friends have abandoned me. Now I am only a source of repugnance to them.

But surely a kind religious girl will be able to see beyond my looks? No. Even the hijabis are going out with chads, even gangsters and drug dealers), obviously for sexual or romantic purposes. So much for personality, lol. It's dislayed everywhere on social media such as "Muslim Twitter" and even in public. Islamic identity has been completely destroyed in the West. All that's left is a false dichotomy of either Salafism or strange reformist/feminist modernists promoted by stacies. Great.

I know God did not choose to bless with me good looks. Perhaps that is a blessing in disguise - somehow? But for how much longer will I have to contend with this? Will I even get married? I highly doubt it; I believe I will have to live out the rest of my life on this corrupt world alone. So far every single attempt has been a total disaster. Every single potential has outright rejected me and at times were visibly revolted by my appearance - in front of our families. It's humiliating.

And even if somehow, breaking through colossal barriers, I get married, how do I know my wife wouldn't be one of those sisters I described earlier - drinking, doing drugs, going out with guys while pretending to be religious, and settling down with a 'religious man' (i.e. the beta provider) after having their 'fun'? And if not, amongst other important issues, who will help take care of my mentally disabled sibling after my parents die? How can I ever possibly hope to provide for him alone? How can he survive when I'm constantly going out to wagecuck for my corporate slavemasters?

And if this will be the case, then so be it. I will endure the rage of this world alone. I will be forced to STEM-max, wagecuck and live in isolation with my brother, whilst the normies, chads and stacies rest in their cradle of indulgence and settle down quietly towards the end of their lives.

Then I will die.

Lonely. Rejected. Companionless.

​I will die alone, having never known how it felt to be truly loved. I will die alone, having never known how it felt to engage in intimacy with someone who deeply cares about you, a person with whom you share an intertwined destiny. I will die alone, knowing that I will be the last of my father's line who could have effectively reproduced. My severely mentalcel brother will die in the same manner; the only person who will love him for who he is will be me.

I'm not a creep or some Daeshi extremist. I'm not racist. I'm not a rape fantasier. I'm not a predator.

I am a normal Muslim, Hanafī in maddhab, Maturidī in 'aqīdah. I am a human being. And I'm involuntarily incelibate."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4328970&forum_id=2#38734366)