Date: November 7th, 2019 10:33 PM
Trying to find the right sub to post this in, so if it's not here, I apologize.
Anonymous and vague for soon to be obvious reasons. I promised my SO I wouldn't tell anyone, but I need advice.
For context, i'm bisexual, into light BDSM, and have friends across the spectrum from vanilla to cuckolding Dom play. But, this...THIS I don't know what to do about.
My SO of a year and a half confessed that he enjoys watching porn of women getting fucked by dogs and wondered if I would be interested in such an act.
I felt like I was hit by a truck. I didn't want to shame him, I could tell he felt shame and was confessing to me because he felt like I wouldn't judge him for it. I am outright against it, but I had so. Many. Questions. To determine the what level of interest we had here.
First off, does he want to fuck dogs? No. Okay.
What exactly about the videos "excite" him? The primal nature of the act and where after it's done, the dog's knob pops out....okay. I can get that. I'm kinda into BDSM and sub/Dom play for similar reasons.
He is so adamant about not being okay with me sleeping with someone else, but he wants to watch a dog go at me? Wtf is that about? He doesn't view the dog as a threat to our relationship.
How did he get into it? 14 year old boy with the internet. Someone sent him a video as a joke. Turns out he was kinda into it.
I tried to stay focused on ensuring the fact that he does not want to personally engage in sex with animals. He just thinks that the dogs are willing participants and finds the above aspects sexually exciting.
We had a lot of conversations about this where I tried to, as non-judgementally as possible, tell him how very much not okay I was with this. That dogs can't give actually consent. (Tell every man that has been taken advantage of that an erect penis is consent). I've gone through dog training courses and pretty much view dogs to be akin to children. They are clever, smart, and can learn a lot, but at the end of the day they are just not cognitive adults that really understand how they are being used. If you want a dog to perform in a certain way, on command, it has to be trained. I've done a bunch of reading on the subject of bestiality since to be sure in , dogs basically have to be trained for sex with humans, it does not "come naturally" as a lot of people claim.
We eventually came to an understanding that he was to just never watch these videos with me around. But that's not enough for me anymore.
I managed to put it out of my head for awhile, but the other day we were joking around about sex and it came up that sometimes he masturbates twice a day. And....I know what he is watching when he does this. In our bed. With our (female) dogs in the other room. I've been growing increasingly unsettled and am feeling put off from sex with him.
He is not performing bestiality acts and he has no desire to have sex with an animal. Something being illegal is a shitty high ground (marijuana is illegal, people), and I'm not looking to break up with him. I like being tied up and called a slut while being face-fucked, and my fantasy is to be bound up and spit-roasted involving or with my SO watching. BUT my kink requires the consent of all parties.
We all have things and we otherwise have a healthy and loving relationship, that I'm not willing to juat throw out over what he happens to find erotic in porn.
But........I just kinda can't help equate it to pedophilia. Obviously not as bad, but...only a little not as bad.
I honestly don't know how to talk about it at this point. He has mentioned casually that I made some points which turned him off from the more violent videos, but he still is turned on by and watches it.
I can't even look at dogs or animals without feeling an intense need to protect them. I want him to stop watching these videos. I want him to stop thinking this dogs aren't being harmed.
Is this an okay thing to ask? Am I just being controlling?
Tl;dr My SO of 1.5 years is into watching porn where women get it on with dogs, I am 140% not okay with this and I want to ask him to stop. We've talked about it before, but I don't know how to broach it again or what else to say, and I want him to stop.
Edit: through my research I have learned that fantasizing and actually committing bestiality is way more common than the average person would think. If even the idea of it being a fetish is a deal breaker for you, you should have a serious conversation with your SO.
In the meantime, I appreciate all the inputs (both here and via pms) because it has helped me work through how to reapproach the issue and make it clear to him that there is no such thing as a dog consenting to have sex with a human woman, that it is animal abuse, and that is something he needs to come to terms with and put behind him because it is not reasonable or acce