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Worst part about a parent dying....
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:22 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; Is seeing the other one alone. You want to spend your every waking moment with them but you have you own life. And you feel guilty bc they raised you and you feel like you’re just leaving them there alone waiting to die.
There’s no light at the end of the tunnel here for the first time in your life. You’re constantly looking for one but there isn’t one. In 30 short years you or your spouse or whatever will be in the same boat.
Life is a fucking horror show. |
Date: July 5th, 2020 10:24 PM Author: ;;;;...;,;,;,;.;.;;.;,;.;.;.;.;;;;...,,,..,;;.;,.; cr. ljl at people who pretend life is anything but a total horror show. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552910) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:24 PM Author: '"' You holding up alright man? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552913) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:27 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; Nah, not at all. It’s been since November and I’m losing it more and more. I think it’s bc my moms birthday is this month but I’m just not doing good. Nothing I need to talk to anyone professionally about but my alone time I reflect a lot. Having my first child a few weeks after she died helps and hurts at the same time. Helps bc he’s my little guy and I love him. Hurts bc I didn’t have a lot of time to mourn and I lose it once in a while. On a bright side I’m at my peak weight and strength. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552934) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:30 PM Author: '"' I hear ya man that's really tough. You're a good dude and if you need anything I've got your back. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552954) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:33 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; Thanks brother! Just getting me to type that out helped me out bro. I appreciate it pal. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552970) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:34 PM Author: '"' (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552977) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:30 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Not flame, even if you're not drinking, a lot of the online AA meetings are good to find a bunch of people to just talk to. That's honestly the biggest thing, especially while we're all mostly stuck inside. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552955) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:34 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; Thanks for that advice bro. I haven’t had a drink in a long time bc I’m trying to focus on fitness. Surprisingly I found that XO is a great place to vent, you guys are great and have made me laugh and feel better for 12 years. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552979) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:36 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Fair enough. That's how I feel about my AA group -- I haven't been drinking for a while now but just having people to talk to is life-changing. Check the AA intergroup site if you want (https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/?formats=Video), there are meetings pretty much 24/7, and being able to chat with a group is huge, whether it's for drinking or anything else. I strongly recommend it if you're open to it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553000) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:39 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; 180 thanks man. I’ll definitely give it a shot.My social circle has been through hell recently with parent deaths and friends dying. I’ll definitely pass that advice on man, it’s awesome to hear it worked. Seems like being down is down. Doesn’t matter why your down, so someone who is in AA might be able to relate to someone grieving. Thanks for that information man. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553016) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:40 PM Author: borders I have 7 years sober brother... keep my desire chip etc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553393) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 4:21 AM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Awesome. I'm only at about 3 months (have had a couple very, very minor slips, but not getting blackout anymore). (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554236) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 1:04 AM Author: Industrial Society and Its Future will they get mad if you're drinking on these? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553891) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 4:19 AM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) I candidly would not drink on Zoom during the meeting itself. As someone in recovery myself, I'd consider that kind of a dick move. But there are people who have like 6 hours of sobriety. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554234) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:37 PM Author: ..,.,.,.,,.;;;,;...;:;:;..;..;,,,,;:,...;.;,;.;:.. Fuckin' A. Good thread, man. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553005) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:25 PM Author: .,,.,,.,.,,,.....,,,.,.,.,...,.,. I guess that’s a silver line of having divorced parents
Anyway, you should have your living parent come live with you . Stop sucking the teet of atomized globohomo |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:25 PM Author: .........,,.,.,.,.,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,. Depends on who died. My dad moved on shockingly fast. It destroyed our immediate family tho. If my dad had died everything would have been much better. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552923) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:26 PM Author: ;;;;...;,;,;,;.;.;;.;,;.;.;.;.;;;;...,,,..,;;.;,.; what exactly destroyed your family (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552927) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:30 PM Author: .........,,.,.,.,.,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,. During her brief fight with cancer he was unsupported and selfish. Then he throw a huge tantrum and took down my moms pictures after he found out she left her little bit of insurance money to me. Then it weeks after her death he was dating another woman and looking for wedding rings. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552958) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:32 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Fuck man, I'm sorry.
Boomers are assholes for many more reasons than just politics. |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:36 PM Author: .........,,.,.,.,.,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,. It was a shitty time. Enjoy your loved ones. It can change in an instant. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552990) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:38 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) True, but my "loved ones" hated me. And yet I was expected to be the supportive one. I won't get into a ton of detail, but my father was insanely abusive. You should enjoy your loved ones, but not feel obligated if they don't act that way. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean they're good people. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553006) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:27 PM Author: Rand Om Why such a difference btw ur dads? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552937) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:29 PM Author: Jaggers (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553329) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:28 PM Author: xocommunity100 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552941) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:26 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Sorry man.
I have restraining orders against my father and don't talk to my mother because of her enabling him, but I'm sympathetic to those who have healthy relationships and have to go through this shit. |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:28 PM Author: xocommunity100 thanks (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552944) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:29 PM Author: No Country for Young Men (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552951) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:34 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552983) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:36 PM Author: .........,,.,.,.,.,,,,,,.,.,.,.,.,. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552995) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 12:15 AM Author: .,.,..,,..,.,.,:,,:,.,.,:::,.,..,:,.,.:.:.,:.::,. (🦈) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553622) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:39 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels restraining order for what? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553014) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:40 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Just little stuff like threatening to kill me, telling me he wished I was dead, etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553030) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:43 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels are you actually scared of him or just being a bitchass? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553053) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:45 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) I'm probably not "scared" of him at this point because I'm on the other side of the country, but also don't want him contacting me. I've never seen anyone look at me the way he did a couple years ago. I had to block him from going for a knife. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553064) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:54 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels i'm sure if i'd kill my own dad in that situation. do your kids know him? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553123) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:03 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) I was back in NYC and did not have my gun on me to pull on him, but I absolutely would have pulled it (probably would not have actually done anything because I'm a pussy, but he's a pussy too that just thinks screaming is enough, and I have no doubt he would have run).
No kids, but he would not be permitted around them. That is, as you can probably understand, not shit I can abide by. |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:06 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels damn. i cut off a sister but not really. she married a douchebag and moved to california and haven't seen her in 8 years or her kids. he doesn't let her talk to anyone but our mom like once a year or something. i told her she's a selfish cunt and leave him or leave us alone. and she has. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553187) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:07 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) I have a brother that I didn't really "cut off" but sort of backed away from, after his second serious DUI. We're okay now but not on the talking-every-day path. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553197) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:06 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) And honestly, having a weapon or not is one thing, but at the risk of sounding like a bitchass again, having a relative look at you like they really want to go after you is fucking something. I can't even describe it, but he looked like the only thing stopping him from jumping me was the fact that other family members were there. Weird as fuck. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553188) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:10 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels was their an argument where he snapped or did you like catch him creeping around the table like he was slick and going to slice you? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553217) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:18 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) The former. He'd threatened to kill me before and told me he wished I was dead before, but this particular incident was one where he marched into the kitchen and told me he was going to "take care of this" and headed for the kitchen knife block. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553270) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:20 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels what did everyone say watching that? were they like "oh dad stop it" or "holy fuck he's crazy" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553276) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:27 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Mostly "holy fuck he's crazy". I physically stopped him from getting into the kitchen, what was what led to the aforementioned look. I've gotten mad at people before, but absolutely never had that hatred in my eyes.
But what bothered me the most was that my mother was later like, "Oh, I know he said that, but he wasn't actually going to kill you." Which is not exactly what you'd be expecting from a parent. I left pretty much immediately.
I've mentioned elsewhere, but I've come to terms with it. It's not like he just sometimes yelled because I didn't clean my childhood bedroom and I'm being a baby. |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:29 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels i get that people value family because historically you banded together to not starve to death but with internet and careers based on similarities other than geography "family" is really just who you chose to hang out with most. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553327) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:31 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Agreed. And also, relatives can be pretty fucked up. If we were in feudal times that'd be one thing, but today, my family is the people I know who'd lay down in traffic for me. My emergency contact is a coworker who I once called because I was having health issues; his response was, "Give me ten minutes to clock out and then meet me down in the lobby". (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553345) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:34 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels yeah i got a friend who flew to vegas, brought cash to where i was, and got me a return ticket to college with him. that shit i never forgot and visit his family at least 2-3 times a year in buttfuck north carolina woods. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553354) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:36 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) 180. That's real family. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553369) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 10:48 AM Author: .,..,.,,.,.,..,.,.,.,..,..,..,.,..,,.,.,.,. (as The Americans) I read “in” as “to” initially and briefly thought this was some sort of Brokeback thing. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554859) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 11:11 AM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels 2-3 times a year could hardly sustain a buttfuckmo. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554979) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:33 PM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Oh, and I might add that the argument in question was one I wasn't even involved in. My siblings were bickering, and I was sitting in the other room watching TV. For some reason he decided I was the problem. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553350) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:31 PM Author: 1920 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40552960) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:40 PM Author: .........,,;,;,;,,,............,,;,;;,.;. This sounds brutal. Will probably have to deal with this eventually. I've thought about it before when my dad was fighting cancer. Luckily he beat it but he's 76. I live 400 miles away. Thought about getting my mom a dog or something. Not sure if that would help because she's not really a dog person and has said no every time I bring it up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553026) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:41 PM Author: I am thinking of aurochs and angels just ghost your mom. or move closer. half-ass shit won't be fun. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553036) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:41 PM Author: ;;;;...;,;,;,;.;.;;.;,;.;.;.;.;;;;...,,,..,;;.;,.; would she prefer a kitty (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553037) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 10:01 AM Author: .........,,;,;,;,,,............,,;,;;,.;. Maybe. We had a cat growing up and my mom was the least involved with it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554674) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:42 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; Lmao we got my dad a dog, it’s been a fucking disaster. Don’t do that. It’s made grieving 25% harder. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553048) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 10:01 AM Author: .........,,;,;,;,,,............,,;,;;,.;. Why a disaster? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554671) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 10:53 PM Author: Booger Lasagna cr horror show is life (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553116) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:22 PM Author: .,.,,.,..,.,.,:,,:,..,:::,...,:,.,.:...:.,:.::,. Not your problem. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553288) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:28 PM Author: ,,;;,,,;,,,:,;,,,,,,;:,,,;,,,,,:,,,;;,,,; (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553318) |
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Date: July 5th, 2020 11:28 PM Author: .,.,...,.,,.,.,:,,:,...,:::,.,..,:,.,.:..:.,:.::,. (🇲🇽 ) I’m sorry man....was it expected after a long battle or out of the blue? Both are difficult in their own way
Also I’ll stop making those “Johnsmeyer now poasting as...” poasts |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 12:38 AM Author: borders Sorry to hear that man, we're here for you brother if you want to talk.
Sometimes I feel this unbearable tension of flipping between thinking of stuff like this, looking life in the face and hopefully being at least marginally prepared for it, versus the daily persona we bring to work and all the trivial shit I spend my days doing / thinking about. It's a tragically comic contrast and difficult to know what the best balance is...
I'm at least grateful that I've become really close / best friends with my dad since he's retired....
Hang in there man - easier to say than do I know.
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Date: July 6th, 2020 3:47 AM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Ditto, we fuck around a lot on this chatblog but I have a feeling there are a lot of us who would be here for you and others on serious shit. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554202) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 12:56 AM Author: David Poaster Wallace Have not lost a parent, but after my grandparents died, there was a lot of my parents/aunts/uncles tossing away certain facades that seem to have only been their to make their parents happy. Divorces/drug arrests/physical violence/family schisms/etc. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553867) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 1:01 AM Author: ............. .................................... I wonder if all parents want to see grandkids before they die... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40553884) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 3:48 AM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) I also wonder if they "want to" because they actually want to, versus being conditioned for it. I know my mother says shit about wanting grandchildren that I honestly cannot imagine she really means, she just think she's supposed to. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554205) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 11:13 AM Author: .,.,..,,..,.,.,:,,:,.,.,:::,.,..,:,.,.:.:.,:.::,. (🦈) I think they don't want to deal with them but they want to see them, if that makes sense. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554994) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 4:09 AM Author: tats No, the ones that know they don't deserve any, will never ask for them. Self fulfilling prophecy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554226) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 4:15 AM Author: macguffin (an apparatus for trapping lions in the Scottish Highlands) Many of them don't "know" that, though. They just want it because they're selfish and think they're supposed to demand it. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4577396&forum_id=2,#40554228) |
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Date: July 6th, 2020 11:05 AM Author: ..........,.....,.,.....,........,.,,..... it's prob not as bad as you think.
even your poor old mom is just a person that came into this world alone, spends 100% of her time essentially alone mediating with the outside world and saw many people pass into and out of her life. including her kids, when they moved away.
it's probably a terrible shock but by that age you are probably able to deal. |