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OldHLSDude what do you do to sustain long-term relationships
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Date: October 16th, 2020 6:08 PM Author: passionate regret I've lost too many friends recently (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41127250) |
Date: October 16th, 2020 6:11 PM Author: Dashing Parlor Yea I lose friends constantly though my own failure to keep in touch due to general life stress. I admire your ability to have so many relationships that extend so many decades. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41127266) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 11:17 AM Author: canary scourge upon the earth It takes some work. Emails, phone calls, personal visits, and letters in days of old. It also requires putting up with crap sometimes and being willing to listen sympathetically and offer advice (but only when requested - nobody likes officious advice givers).
I have lost a ton of friends and family to death. It's shocking how many really close and good friends have died. The newest thing, which I never imagined could happen, is that some people have cut off all contact because of political differences. Several won't communicate at all and others have cooled noticeably. I actually thought some of these people were friends vs acquaintances. I have noticed that as people age their quirks seem to magnify (mine included). Maybe that's part of it.
It takes so much work to maintain relationships, even local ones, that many folks just slide away over time. But even then old friends sometimes appear out of nowhere. I just got a note this week from an old friend I haven't seen or heard from since 1989. He contacted me through Linkedin. We exchanged a few emails then went back into hibernation. I know a lot of people like that, whom I remember fondly but hardly ever contact. I guess that is a form of relationship. Sometimes I will start thinking about someone from long ago and try to find them and reach out. Sometimes it works, but sometimes not.
I have accumulated a not of mentees in my life and many of them contact me from time to time about career or personal issues. I always try to help if I can. Feeling useful, even if only slightly, is good.
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Date: October 17th, 2020 12:49 PM Author: stirring frum organic girlfriend telephone Any thoughts on this video? cliffs notes is that the quality of our personal relationships is what matters most for happiness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KkKuTCFvzI&ab_channel=TED
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Date: October 17th, 2020 2:40 PM Author: canary scourge upon the earth Thanks. Watched the entire video. Seems reasonable. I note there were no women in the studies- a bit surprised he didn't get booed and hissed at, LOL!
I suppose it's a subset of having relationships, but in my life I enjoy not just relating, but feeling useful. Maybe that's something that comes on after retirement.
I note that at my 50th college reunion, only 10% of the class were known to be dead. If you assume all the missing are also dead, it raises the death count to less than 20%, still well below what you would expect statistically. The vast majority of surviving classmates were married. Anecdotally, it looked like most of the early deaths were among people who were loners in college. |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 3:05 PM Author: marvelous erotic potus corner Thank you for this post. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41131739) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 4:25 PM Author: passionate regret how do you deal with close friends dying? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132112) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 4:27 PM Author: Racy carnelian university he takes a bite of their corpses, jeez he's not your fuckin mentor dude (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132122) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 4:59 PM Author: canary scourge upon the earth Just suck it up and vow to make younger friends. It's why I hang out on xo. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132243) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 7:03 PM Author: passionate regret Jfc (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132821) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 11:19 AM Author: harsh metal feces friendly grandma In my 40s at a crossroads. Would you recommend having kids or just continuing to trudge ahead and try to live comfortably if in my position (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41130658) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 11:26 AM Author: canary scourge upon the earth Wow. That is a big question. Parenthood, once you start it, never ends. My kids will be 50 soon and I am still parenting and supporting; however, I think it makes you a better person, even when you are busy being bitter about all the crap they have done that has landed in your lap. You might be a better parent in your 40s than you have been in your 20s.
On the whole I support having kids. My childless friends seem unhappy to me (maybe I am compensating by hoping they are unhappy). My situation is an outlier and you are unlikely to be afflicted in such a way, but there are many difficulties even without frank mental illness.
I assume you are male, so I think it depends a lot upon what your wife thinks about it. Having kids is a major life style change and everybody has to be on board. We just assumed we were going to have kids (my wife has 9 siblings). If she had not been a SAHM all the time I'm not sure what it would have been like.
In spite of all the difficulties I would not want to be childless. |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 2:54 PM Author: Azure Wrinkle What if you’re with a bipolar girl and have a drug habit? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41131710) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 3:08 PM Author: bateful pearl police squad (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41131754) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 4:28 PM Author: canary scourge upon the earth I dated a bi-polar girl once. A drug habit might have helped me stand her, so perhaps you will be ok. She died recently in a nursing home specializing in the violently insane. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132130) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 4:34 PM Author: Mentally Impaired Nibblets Dilemma lmao (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132151) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 7:07 PM Author: Azure Wrinkle Goddamit you’re probably right (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132836) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 7:10 PM Author: Judgmental school cafeteria cuck was hers a violent death or one from years of drugs and institutional food/lack of exercise? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132844) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 7:14 PM Author: canary scourge upon the earth I don’t know. Might have been dementia. Just happened upon the obit. and looked up the place where she died. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132863) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 7:18 PM Author: Judgmental school cafeteria cuck do you recall what her conviction was for? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41132876) |
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Date: October 17th, 2020 7:48 PM Author: canary scourge upon the earth Don’t know whether she was there as the result of a crime or just being unable to care for herself. I supposed the latter but have no way of knowing. Hadn’t heard anything about her in 50 years. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4653160&forum_id=2#41133054) |