‘I told her that, given that she achieved her dream of getting a master’s degree, now it is my turn to fulfill my dream of owning a home’

I am 31 years old and my wife is 30. We both live in New York. We have been married for four years. She makes a little more than me, but doesn’t really save.

Three years ago, she started her online entrepreneurship master’s degree, which cost $50,000. I was against it because I think it is a waste of money. It was her dream to get a master’s degree even if it is unrelated to her job in banking.

We have one joint checking account into which I deposit my entire paycheck. She, however, only put in the same amount as me and her extra pay into her own secret account. Her tuition and student-loan debt comes out of our joint account.

During the two years of her studies, our joint account never had more than $3,000. I was stressed constantly as we have no emergency money. It was a struggle trying to pay her student debt.

She traveled twice to Europe with during her school vacations. I was against that too, as we can’t afford it based on the joint account balance. She went anyway with her athletic trainer, and every year she buys luxury bags. I had to ask my parents to chip in to pay for her credit-card bills.

‘During the COVID-19 shutdown, her spending and travel was put on hiatus, so our joint account grew. For the first time, it broke the $7,000 mark.’

She told me she had no money in her secret account because she used that money to pay her other credit card. We argued about this a lot. In the end, she graduated and her leftover student-loan balance was $12,000 at the beginning of 2020.

During the COVID-19 shutdown, her spending and travel was put on hiatus, so our joint account grew. For the first time, it broke the $7,000 mark. She paid off her student loan in one go with her secret account money, about $10,000. That shocked me, because I always thought she had no money in that account.

I suggested that we start to save money for a down payment on a house and to put the breaks on any travel for two years. She got angry, mostly due to the stay-at-home order. She was bored. I told her that, given that she achieved her dream of getting a master’s degree, now it is my turn to fulfill my dream of owning a home.

She insisted on putting money aside for travel, and said if I won’t go, she will travel alone with the money. I finally blew a fuse and texted her parents that I want a divorce. She has been staying with her parents since then. After cooling down, I went over and apologized to her parents.

Her parents were so angry with me. Her mom said, “What is so wrong with traveling and buying a few bags?” I said, “We don’t have money for that right now.” My mother-in-law said, “You don’t understand. It is not about the money.”

Her mom said she regretted giving her daughter permission to marry me. She said my wife’s secret account money came from her bonus and it’s her right to spend however she wants with it. Her dad told me to be a man and treat my wife better, and so I went home alone.

I am frustrated. I saved my paychecks just so she could afford her tuition. We didn’t have a Health Savings Account/Roth IRA, or any investment account in order for her to fulfill her dream. I have no other accounts, and after four years of working I am left with a four-digit balance in our joint account.

I just wished she would have shared more of the financial burden given that she is such a big spender. We are both Italian-American, so there are a lot of “cultural” expectations for the husband to take care of his wife.

However, I felt that no matter what I do, I receive no appreciation for my hard work. I just hope she can come back and change, be more transparent, and have no more secret bank accounts. But in my heart, I know the ship has sailed.

Dedicated Husband

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4686464&forum_id=2#41344437)

Lmao just slips this in without any further mention or explanation

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4686464&forum_id=2#41344473)

I've heard the name and I'm sure this reference is over my head, but lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4686464&forum_id=2#41345534)