Evan39: "Mainlining, I can’t do this anymore! The Mahchine’s taken over everything—$afeway’s turning into Perkins Coie LLP, and I’m getting billed for hours I didn’t even work!"

Boom: "[Smirking from his wheelchair] It’s true, he’s lo$ing his mind. Keeps muttering about hummu$ and billable$. I tell him it’s all part of the game, but he won’t listen."

Evan39: "I’m serious! I thought it was just crackers and organic produce, with some XO flame poasting, but now I’m getting LinkedIn notifications congratulating me for reaching 2,500 billable hours! I didn’t sign up for this!"

*Mainlining stands there, silently watching Evan39 panic. His patience is running thin.*

Evan39: "You’ve got to help me, Mainlining. This has gone too far! They’re going to make me a "biglawyer," and I just want to sell hummu$!"

Mainlining: "[Voice eerily calm] You think you’re in control, Evan? You think you have a choice? You don’t understand what’s happening here, do you?"

*Evan39 glances at Boom, who just shrugs and takes another sip of his mysterious drink.*

*Mainlining steps forward, his eyes locked on Evan, yet then quickly, albeit briefly, advances upon Boom, grabbing Boom's so-called drink, swallowing half of it*

Mainlining: "Boom, As a Scientist and a Conniseur I have no

idea the contents of this remarkable potion, what's in it?"

Boom: "$ecrets."

Mainlining, turning back to Evan39 without realizing the "potion" was Xanax extract quickly taking hold upon him: "You think BigLaw is coming for you? You think the Mahchine is after you. Do you want to $ee what it's like for ME to KUM after YOU?"

*Evan39 starts to speak, but Mainlining cuts him off, his voice growing louder and more intense, the almost certainly illegal Xanax designer-benzo kicking in*

Mainlining: "No, Evan. I am the one who knock$!"

*Boom nearly chokes on his drink, laughing hysterically from his wheelchair, spitting his portion out between chuckles.*

Boom:"Classic, Evan. You walked right into that one."

Evan39: "What the hell are you talking about, Mainlining? You can’t be seriou$! Boom, what is in that nasty drink?"

*Mainlining doesn’t flinch, the Xanax-like "potion" oddly giving him strength and euphoria, his stare piercing through Evan’s frantic energy.*

Mainlining: "Do you really think you can run from the Mahchine? You think you can escape your true nature? The Mahchine isn’t after you, Evan. You’ve always been part of it. You just didn’t know it."

Evan39: "[Shaking his head] No! I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask to be part of any Mahchine or these "drugs" you and Boom apparently love! I’m just a guy trying to live in $eattle, sell some hummu$, and complain about the homeless problem!"

Mainlining: "[Voice low, controlled] The Mahchine doesn’t care what you want, Evan. It already knows everything about you. It knows you’re capable of billing 2,500 hours. It knows you’re more than just a grocery store manager. You’ve been running from it your whole life, but it’s time to stop."

*Evan39 collapses onto the couch, his face pale as the reality of his situation sinks in.*

Boom: "[Grinning, bald head gleaming under the dim light] You know, Evan, I always thought you had it in you. Maybe you’re not just a $afeway lifer after all."

Evan39: "[Muttering] I didn’t want this. I never wanted this."

Mainlining: "[Leaning in close, eyes glazed from the "potion"] It’s too late for that now. The Mahchine ha$ already chosen you."

Evan39 glances at his phone, which buzzes with another LinkedIn notification: “Congratulations, Evan39! You’ve been promoted to Senior Counsel at $afeway LLP.”

Evan39: "NO! I just want my hummu$!"

*Mainlining, despite being barred out, stands tall, watching Evan with a smirk.*

Mainlining:"You’re not a prole anymore, Evan. You’ve always been part of something bigger. And now you know who really knock$."

*Boom takes another sip of his "potion," shaking his bald head with amusement.*

Boom: "You’ll be billing 2,500 hours in no time, buddy. Might as well embrace it."

*Evan39’s face is a mix of disbelief, fear, and… maybe a tiny bit of pride?*

Evan39: "[Quietly] I just wanted to sell hummu$."

*Suddenly, Mainlining sways, his vision going blurry as Boom cackles. Without warning, Mainlining stumbles, collapsing onto the floor, completely barred out from the "potion." Boom, watching him go down, suddenly slumps over in his wheelchair, a goofy grin plastered on his face as the "potion" finally takes hold.*

Evan39: "[Standing slowly, looking down at both of them] You guys seriously need help…"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5604020&forum_id=2#48147833)