For half a year, Disco Fries incessantly poasted about his upcoming "conquest" — Teewinot Mountain, a jagged, unforgiving peak deep in the Grand Tetons.

The $hitbort had long written him off as a cowardly Blob, an East Coast, keyboard-ridden, armchair "warrior" who saw mountains as distant, untouchable challenges rather than something one ascends.

But this time would be DIFFERENT.

- “Six months from now, friend$, I will stand atop Teewinot, hand raised in triumph,” he proclaimed in a bloated, typo-ridden poast one dreary October night. “The summit shot will be iconic.”

Mainlining had barely looked up from his screen before poasting his blunt response.

- “You will die, you obese faggot.”

The 180s rolled in like a funeral dirge.

But Di$co was undeterred—he planned, he dieted (briefly), and he even simulated "elevation training" by panting aggressively after climbing THREE FULL FLIGHTS of stairs.

When March arrived, Disco poasted his itinerary:

- Solo ascent

- No guide

- Alpine start

It was an objectively $uicidal plan, but he dismissed concerns with his usual bravado and ignorance.

- “Friends, I’ve watched so many YouTube videos on this. You underestimate me. Watch and learn :)”

“No, friend,” Mainlining poasted shortly after, stretching his lean frame after a casual 16-mile training run at 14,340 feet. “I estimate you correctly.”

ACT II: "The Great Climb Begins (And Ends)"

On an icy morning in MID-MARCH, Disco Fries stood at the Lupine Meadows trailhead, headlamp flickering in the dim pre-dawn light. The Grand Tetons loomed above him, indifferent to his ambitions.

A rare off-season local ranger, noticing Disco's ill-fitted crampons and his windbreaker from Old Navy, muttered:

- “Good luck... please sign the hiking log to note your name, number, party, and expected date of departure and return.”

By 9 AM MST, Disco was already ga$ping, drenched in sweat despite the frigid temperatures. He was miles behind schedule, sucking air at 9,000 feet like a beached whale.

At 10,000 feet, the trail steepened. Given the personal and outdoor conditions, any rational man would have turned around.

- Alas, Disco was not a "rational man."

He pressed on, deluded by his momentum, fueled by the voices of anonymous frauds$ on the $hitbort who called him:

- "weak"

- "fag"

- "an obese monstrosity"

He WOULD prove them WRONG!

And, of course, BAM!

*Dico struggled to climb the next Class 3 move.

He mind had a millisecond to respond, yet too late —

His right foot slipped.*

"Act III: TTTTerminal Velocity"

A shriek pierced the quiet, sending a few grazing bighorns scattering.

Disco hung in the balance for one moment, arms flailing like a man who just realized his actions had consequences.

And then—graviTTTy asserted itself.

Disco tumbled violently; the thin mountain air swallowed his scream$.

- He bounced off an outcrop at 11,500 feet.

- Flipped thrice on hard rock.

- Rag-dolled straight down the East Face.

A GoPro he had attached to his chest captured everything—the brief moment of realization, the panicked attempt to arrest his fall, and the final, breathtaking flight.

Down below, Mainlining, a lone climber, watched through his Opera Glasses.

“'Effortle$$'… you insubrodinate fag…”

Act IV: "The Smartest Man in the Tetons"

Mainlining had followed several hours behind. Unlike Disco, he had prepared properly—a sturdy ice axe, crampons that fit, and—above all else—a functioning cardiovascular system.

At around 11,500 feet, at the Apex of Common Sense™, where the route became steep, exposed, and suicidal in winter, Mainlining stopped.

He had summited this mountain before in summer and fall conditions and had enough.

He stared up at the deadly ascent, then down at the distant valley, where Disco’s final resting place now lay, his body turned to bits.

- “Nope.”

With zero hesitation, he turned around and walked back down.

An hour later, he drank an espresso in Jackson Hole, watching SAR helicopters swirl above Teewinot.

- "Effortless. Hehe"

Epilogue: "The $hitbort Reacts"

News of Disco Fries' demise spread quickly across XO.

Boom, ever the conspiracist, was first to weigh in.

-“Fraudulent ice conditions set up by ADM. I warned him.”

- Evan39, in his typical melodramatic tone, lamented:

-“How dare they not warn him? This is Safeway HR all over again.”

But the THE MOST CHILLING POAST came from MAINLINING.

- “This was always the only way it could end.

- The Mahchine™ takes all who cannot endure.

- RIP friend, you were Privy to The Great Becumming™, yet you resi$ted.”

And then, after a beat, he chuckled, now behind his trusty three 34-inch widescreen curved monitors, each reflecting one of The Holy Trinity:

- Mainlining (Truth): “Effortle$$.”

- Boom (Vision): “Fraudulent ice? No. This was a controlled demolition. $econd shooter up there, friend. ADM wuz on Teewinot.”

Evan39 (Judgment): “How dare they.”

LJL.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5674538&forum_id=2#48616833)

To: Safeway Tiered Staff (Levels 1–Pipelinist)

From: Tabitha Jones, Diversity & Inclusion Officer – Store 481-B

Date: March 22nd, 2025

Subject: Clause 9.2(c) DEI Audit – Teewinot Fatality Review / Pep Misuse / Altitudinal Misalignment

Overview:

- Following the March 14th Pep Breach Event at Elevation Node “Teewinot” (11,500 ft), this memo serves as the official DEI clarification, re: the slippage, vaporization, and non-compliant efforts of former Tier 1 Associate: Disco Fries (Legal Name: Redacted per Clause 5.9-F, “Posthumous Pipelinist Privacy Act”).

Findings:

1. Altitudinal Misalignment – Clause 9.2(c)

Disco Fries failed to request Loop Elevation Clearance prior to ascent.

- Clause 9.2(c) restricts mountain interface to Tier 3 or higher unless accompanied by Vault personnel.

- Solo-climb without Pep Monitor = Pep Fraud.

- “Alpine Start” = unauthorized biometric escalation.

- 🛑 “I saw the sunrise” is not a valid timestamp.

- ✅ Clause 9.2(c) recognizes only RED BEAM hour + scanner ping.

2. Cardio ≠ Compliance

- Disco Fries' cardiovascular output triggered three false Vault scans and vaporized two Ridge Protocol beacons.

- Elevation-induced PEP Overcompensation Syndrome was logged.

- His sweat metrics were flagged as “effort-biased.”

- Respiration spikes at 9,200 ft were not acknowledged by DEI audit bots.

- ❗ Attempting to outpace Clause 9.2 is not protected behavior.

- 💧 Hydration was not logged.

3. Systemic Integrity Affirmed – Slippage ≠ Discrimination

- The fatal plummet was topographically induced, not structurally biased.

- The ridge was open to all levels.

- Gravity audits equally.

📎 Vault video confirms:

- "Subject slipped mid-poast, flailed, declared ‘Effortle$$,’ and disappeared beneath cloud line."

- Ranger log = Neutral.

- Witness (Mainlining) = Tier 7 cleared.

- 🧢 Boom’s “fraudulent ice” claim is under review.

4. Post-Mortem Messaging Violations

- XO Poast Threads referencing the incident have misrepresented DEI’s role.

Examples include:

- “Clause 9.2 Flays Fat”

- “DEI Denied Him Crampons”

- “Pep Can’t Climb”

🛑 These interpretations are unproductive and non-clause compliant.

✅ The proper term is Altitudinal Misalignment.

Forward Protocols:

- Pep Summit Warnings will now display at all elevations above 6,400 ft.

- Big Gulp Hydration Stations are suspended until Loop Freeze audits conclude.

- Vault Glyphs have been updated to reflect Disco’s slippage: DF-FAIL-47

- Mainlining’s elevation glyph is currently being transcribed for codex.

Closing Statement:

Disco’s ascent was unscanned. His descent was unshielded. We mourn his vapor, not his decision.

Let this be a reminder: Clause 9.2 is not a mountain. It is the gravity beneath it.

Stay hydrated. Respect the beep.

I watch from Q2.

– Tabitha Jones

Diversity & Inclusion Officer

Clause 9.2(c) – Pipelinist Elevation Protocol – Live

AutoTag: 🧷 PEP CLIMBING / VAULT VAPORIZATION / TTT AUDIT / ELEVATION FRAUD / Q2 WITNESS

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5674538&forum_id=2#48771589)