It's confusing, because if you ask people what qualities they like in friends, they'll say stuff like they love people who are kind, dependable, loyal, genuine, authentic, etc. But I've noticed that these people either lie when they say that, or that's not the full truth. Judge by their actions, not words, as they say.

In my M7 MBA, I have seen that those who have successfully been able to make friends and be socially popular and well liked are those who took the time and effort to "add value" in their relationships.

"Adding value" from my observations can take multiple forms. First way is to be conventionally very attractive - people like others who are beautiful, hot, cute, etc. Being an 8/10 or higher physically is good. If you're not naturally good looking, then doing everything possible in your power to be your most conventionally attractive best self is valued, such as working out regularly, eating a good diet, conforming to fashion trends, having good styles, etc. Women are especially adept at knowing skincare and makeup techniques.

The second is being famous. We have someone in our class who is famous on social media, with several hundred thousand social media followers. They are automatically elevated in social situations with people wanting to be their friend. This person has on multiple occasions been an asshole to others and isn't the most conventionally attractive, but our classmates give them a pass. The rules aren't fair or the same for everyone.

Third, if you're neither famous or conventionally good looking, there is a premium on being funny. People like those who give them a good laugh. Having good humor, conversational timing, ability to make jokes on the fly and have wit are very valued.

These three qualities completely supersede others, including being kind, genuine, authentic, loyal, etc. In terms of males, the top of the pecking order are tall, white men. White women are also on top socially, with some East Asians.

Outside of these, I'e seen you really have to put in effort to add value. You need to do things like be a good cook and host events where you cook for your classmates. You need to do something "cool" like be a foodie and have a food blog for spots near campus. Another way to "add value" is be a good DJ and offer to DJ at parties that people host. You need to say, take the initiative to host themed house parties or organize a domestic or international trek or a ski trip. If you're the organizer of an in-demand social event, people gravitate to you and want to be friends.

Not all hobbies are created equal. Those that people value are ones that add value to their personal lives, such as being a food or travel blogger, or DJing at a party. Social hobbies like biking or organizing workout classes are praised. Something relatable to people. One person is a amazing classical pianist, but classical music is seen as a solitary, niche, boring hobby that doesn't generate much praise or interest, despite how talented the classmate is.

It seems the social scene here runs on a "social currency" system where the people who take the effort to cook for others, organize events and trips, do cool and interesting things, etc., are the ones rewarded with the most invites to birthdays, parties, trips, etc. And outside of that, if you're really good looking, funny, or famous, you have a ton of social leeway and need to put in way less effort.

Looks DO matter. People DO judge based on appearances. I've noticed very few in the "cool" group are overweight - and the few who ware are EXCEPTIONALLY funny. And looking physically good takes a lot of effort in and of itself, including knowing how to work out, eat right, apply makeup if you're a girl etc. Most people in the cool groups are 7/10 or higher in terms of looks.

On top of this, you need to be lacking in negative traits. People who are overly eager, try to hard, or seen as needy have quickly been excommunicated from the social scene. They often do it without realizing it: in Indian culture, being very forward is often the norm but it's too intense for American culture. People like those who are seen as cool, chill, and interesting, and fun. People base friendships in reality on those who are "fun and chill" to be around. You can't be someone who is overly quiet and doesn't say anything, and sucks at conversational timing in group settings and be awkward, nor can you be overly gregarious and too loud and annoying.

You cannot only talk about non-mainstream, overly nerdy, or niche interests, UNLESS you are exceptionally conventionally attractive or famous. Catan game nights seem to be OK though. Many social events are at house parties, bars, clubs, etc., and are based on drinking. The non drinkers who are popular ADD VALUE by taking the initiative to offer to be designated drivers. But if you don't offer that as a non drinker, you may get penalized socially.

There are plenty of pro-DEI, heavy liberal (at least on social issues) on campus, and they will say things like they want to be friends with like minded socially progressive folks. But even among that crowd, physical appearance, your level of fame, and funniness TRUMP ALL and you have to add value. One person in class is a very physically attractive open Republican, and even the liberals in class like him. The Republicans who are ostracized are conservative ON TOP of not being funny, not attractive, not having unique hobbies, etc. And the most vocal liberal activist in class is disliked for not being attractive, funny, interesting, etc.

People will outwardly say they support mental health destigmatization, and may genuinely believe it, but don't want to actually befriend someone going through symptoms of anxiety or depression. You're allowed to be mildly vulnerable about every day common relatable issues, like struggling with recruiting, but can never reveal very serious personal issues like having an eating disorder. That'll weird people out. You have to be mostly positive and happy.

Again, this may all be common sense. But a lot of these rules aren't explicitly taught, especially if you're from a different culture. It may seem transactional on the outside, but this is what I've seen to be reality at my M7.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5529469&forum_id=2#47669218)

you just gotta go back, dude, for your own good. but they never will, ever, because all they want is to fuck white women. that's all that matters to any of these guys. they literally do not care about anything else in the world other than fucking white women, which they will never be able to do, so they will live out their lives in frustrated anger

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5529469&forum_id=2#47669378)

You just described the average XO'er

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5529469&forum_id=2#47670572)