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Twas the Night Before Christmas (Peterman version)

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the J ...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/03/18
...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/03/18
TLDR but clearly you spent a lot of time on this, plz enjoy ...
Plum costumed library
  12/03/18
ty!
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/03/18
jfc, this was 180. This is why I continue to visit this d...
brass station
  12/03/18
...
vivacious mint travel guidebook chad
  12/24/21
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  12/24/18
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  12/24/18
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  12/24/18
To be fair, What—a Jew lampooning Christmas in a vu...
Gold stock car
  12/24/18
120
drunken heady forum
  12/24/18
...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/18
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Erotic Locale
  12/24/18
...
galvanic obsidian affirmative action
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this was pretty good, nice work
Flirting clown electric furnace
  12/24/18
~*Christmas in July bump*~
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  07/01/19
...
free-loading mewling stage puppy
  07/01/19
...
free-loading mewling stage puppy
  07/01/19
Early December Bump
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/10/19
getting close...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/20/19
ding ding ding
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/19
...
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  12/24/19
...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/19
...
talented anal space halford
  12/24/19
This deserves more bumps.
Fragrant stag film gaming laptop
  12/24/19
...
Dark giraffe address
  12/24/19
lost it at 8 tiny trans queers. still unmitigated 180
Stimulating Cuck Menage
  12/24/19
lol
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/19
This
vivacious mint travel guidebook chad
  12/24/21
Missed this the first time. Great work dude. 180
Lemon Meetinghouse Potus
  12/24/19
ty, labor of love
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/19
...
Honey-headed nowag
  12/24/19
...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/19
lube up your chimneys!
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/19
pure gold 180
vivacious mint travel guidebook chad
  12/24/19
...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
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Spectacular ape yarmulke
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Spectacular ape yarmulke
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Azure maniacal dilemma wagecucks
  12/24/20
It's time.
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/24/20
...
cream lay striped hyena
  12/24/20
...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/16/21
...
rusted beady-eyed newt
  12/16/21
...
Azure maniacal dilemma wagecucks
  12/16/21
Chri$tmas $pirit
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/20/21
Lmao
titillating unholy mental disorder
  12/20/21
...
Spectacular ape yarmulke
  12/22/21
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titillating unholy mental disorder
  12/22/21
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  12/24/21
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vivacious mint travel guidebook chad
  12/25/23
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Spectacular ape yarmulke
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  12/25/25
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Burgundy Turdskin Selfie
  12/25/25


Poast new message in this thread



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 12:45 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the J

Lots of truckers were hungry, much like any old day;

The rig pigs were hung, taking dick pics with care,

In hopes that St. Peterman soon would be there;

The truckers were horny, dicks throbbing and red ,

While visions of Peter’s plums danced in their heads;

And Earl in his 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down longing for Peterman’s gap,

When out on the lot there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the truck to see what was the matter.

Away to the lot I flew like a flash,

Tore open my zipper in hope of fresh gash.

The moon on the breast of the softly lit J

Made the lot lizards glow, all looking to play,

When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,

But a beady-eyed Peterman, and eight tiny trans-queers,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment this night would be sick.

More rapid than eagles out their trousers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, FLASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!

On, ROCKET ! on CUPID! on, BONER and SHITZEN!

To the back of the truck! to the top of the wall!

Now suck away! suck away! fuck away all!"

As lubed holes that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with a cock, were mounted to the sky,

So up to the truck-stops the trans-queers they flew,

With the sleigh full of boys, and St. Peterman too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little poof.

As he jerked with his hand, and was turning around,

“Stuff my chimney!” said St. Peterman on the ground.

He was dressed all in latex, from his head to his foot,

His knees were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of dildos he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just lifting his sac.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his boihole like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin had cum white as snow;

The stump of my pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And his lips did encircle its head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

His broad backside shook like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

We filled all their “stockings” and had circle jerks,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

A huge snort of cocaine billowed up and rose;

Then he sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all pranced like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, CASH AND CHECKS ARE ALL-RIGHT!"

Happy December, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

Upset Jew, 12-03-2018



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37342568)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:00 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343357)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:04 PM
Author: Plum costumed library

TLDR but clearly you spent a lot of time on this, plz enjoy this pity bump as my Chanukah present to you

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343380)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:10 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

ty!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343413)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:16 PM
Author: brass station

jfc, this was 180.

This is why I continue to visit this demented chatbort.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343471)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2021 4:53 PM
Author: vivacious mint travel guidebook chad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43670143)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:17 PM
Author: free-loading mewling stage puppy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343477)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:18 PM
Author: gay well-lubricated kitchen reading party



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343484)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:22 PM
Author: aromatic out-of-control institution rigpig



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343509)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:22 PM
Author: contagious church legend



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343515)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 3rd, 2018 3:26 PM
Author: brass station



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37343539)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 7th, 2018 11:35 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37367063)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 7th, 2018 11:39 AM
Author: Silver native



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37367091)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 7th, 2018 11:50 AM
Author: cream lay striped hyena



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37367151)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 7th, 2018 11:52 AM
Author: pale passionate senate roast beef



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37367159)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 7th, 2018 11:55 AM
Author: Comical boltzmann stain



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37367178)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 14th, 2018 12:12 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37407273)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 14th, 2018 12:15 PM
Author: Chestnut psychic



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37407292)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:40 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462610)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:40 AM
Author: free-loading mewling stage puppy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462612)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:41 AM
Author: Multi-colored juggernaut box office



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462615)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:44 AM
Author: Gold stock car

To be fair,

What—a Jew lampooning Christmas in a vulgar and sexually explicit manner for “laughs”? Why I’ve never

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462619)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:52 AM
Author: drunken heady forum

120

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462646)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 7:44 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37465688)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:47 AM
Author: drunken heady forum



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462629)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:54 AM
Author: rusted beady-eyed newt



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462649)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 9:46 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37462815)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 8:02 PM
Author: bronze internal respiration



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37465757)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 9:27 PM
Author: Stimulating Cuck Menage

Artistic gold tyvmft

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37466002)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 16th, 2021 12:45 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43619656)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 9:30 PM
Author: Erotic Locale



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37466012)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 9:35 PM
Author: galvanic obsidian affirmative action



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37466032)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2018 9:38 PM
Author: Flirting clown electric furnace

this was pretty good, nice work

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#37466049)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 1st, 2019 5:53 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

~*Christmas in July bump*~

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#38469719)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 1st, 2019 5:53 PM
Author: free-loading mewling stage puppy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#38469721)



Reply Favorite

Date: July 1st, 2019 5:53 PM
Author: free-loading mewling stage puppy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#38469720)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 10th, 2019 9:37 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

Early December Bump

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39241607)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 20th, 2019 12:21 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

getting close...

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39297740)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 12:18 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

ding ding ding

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39316620)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 12:38 AM
Author: Cordovan dysfunction



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39316668)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 8:42 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39317383)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 8:49 AM
Author: talented anal space halford



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39317409)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 8:52 AM
Author: Fragrant stag film gaming laptop

This deserves more bumps.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39317415)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 9:07 AM
Author: Dark giraffe address



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39317493)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 9:14 AM
Author: Stimulating Cuck Menage

lost it at 8 tiny trans queers. still unmitigated 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39317523)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 10:57 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

lol

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39318060)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2021 4:54 PM
Author: vivacious mint travel guidebook chad

This

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43670148)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 9:30 AM
Author: Lemon Meetinghouse Potus

Missed this the first time. Great work dude.

180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39317610)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 10:58 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

ty, labor of love

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39318062)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 11:02 AM
Author: Honey-headed nowag



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39318085)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 11:51 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39318318)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 1:48 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

lube up your chimneys!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39318901)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 4:19 PM
Author: vivacious mint travel guidebook chad

pure gold 180

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39319682)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 5:57 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39320155)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2019 4:29 PM
Author: lime area really tough guy



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#39319749)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 15th, 2020 2:54 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#41553760)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 23rd, 2020 1:37 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#41603653)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2020 8:07 AM
Author: Azure maniacal dilemma wagecucks



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#41608882)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2020 1:14 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

It's time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#41610330)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2020 1:19 PM
Author: cream lay striped hyena



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#41610375)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 16th, 2021 10:44 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43618689)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 16th, 2021 11:32 AM
Author: rusted beady-eyed newt



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43619119)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 16th, 2021 11:34 AM
Author: Azure maniacal dilemma wagecucks



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43619130)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 20th, 2021 12:21 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke

Chri$tmas $pirit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43643241)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 20th, 2021 12:27 PM
Author: titillating unholy mental disorder

Lmao

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43643299)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 22nd, 2021 5:59 PM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43658914)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 22nd, 2021 6:53 PM
Author: titillating unholy mental disorder



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43659259)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 24th, 2021 4:49 PM
Author: opaque church building



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#43670127)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 25th, 2023 11:04 AM
Author: vivacious mint travel guidebook chad



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#47211358)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 25th, 2025 2:14 AM
Author: Spectacular ape yarmulke



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#49538706)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 25th, 2025 8:10 AM
Author: nudist temple



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#49538932)



Reply Favorite

Date: December 25th, 2025 8:14 AM
Author: Burgundy Turdskin Selfie



(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4147937&forum_id=2#49538935)