will endeavor to link a few in this thread tyia

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#25590639)

Author: Hemidemisemipumo

i can only presume that gestating inside of a lardbeast completely fucks up the foetus's epigenetics. that'd be such a shitty fate in life. to be whelped by a prediabetic are country narwhal and immediately put on a diet of half-curdled titty milk that the body has struggled mightily to cobble together out of sacks of sam's club ranch ruffle chips dipped in neon-yellow "cheeze" floating in an endless stream of dr. thunder.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1818727&forum_id=2#19464092)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#25590645)

there was like 2 guys in there giving perfect advice, the rest of the advice was PURE SHIT, not sure if they were fucking trolling him or what

180 read though

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#29200688)

this is CRUCIAL

second, either asked her why the fuck she keeps going to the bathroom after the 3rd time or left then

then after she stayed in, went home

or AFTER all the fucking psycho shit he did just never contact her

ive been shit on like that before, literally just went home or to another bar and never acknowledged the girl again, in person or on the phone, sometimes it has led to sex but more often then not they didnt respect you and knew you were a faggot so they never talk again, big deal

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#29200775)

"he doesn't understand why you drove him to this point man" is one of the greatest posts of all time

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#30290592)

Author: biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm

i interned with a genie the summer after 1L

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1584220&forum_id=2#17473767)

Reply

Date: March 10th, 2011 11:36 AM

Author: slackfist cumduster

did he have a dick, or just a wispy taper for a lower half?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1584220&forum_id=2#17473807)

Reply

Date: March 10th, 2011 11:40 AM

Author: biglaw associate asking if link is worksafe @ 11pm

he had a wispy taper, but i saw him floating in front of the urinal in the bathroom a couple times.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1584220&forum_id=2#17473836)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#25686969)

Author: Control

When I was 6, this bitch brought cookies for my entire class on my birthday. Even then I had an instinctual revulsion to socialism. I ate all the cookies and refused to share. Bitch had the nerve to slap me for it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1705444&forum_id=2:#18520372)

Date: July 16th, 2011 5:45 AM

Author: ..,,,...........,,.,,.,,,,,,,.....

180, post more of this shit

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1705444&forum_id=2:#18520424)

Reply

Date: July 16th, 2011 5:56 AM

Author: Control

I was a defenseless bright young boy being assaulted by an adult woman. This is the thing about weak people, they love to exercise power. Notice that liberals always talk about peace and love, but they're the first to get tight with people like Robert Mugabe and Fidel Castro. As a child, I was weak, so I plotted revenge (I have since learned to master my craving for revenge by exercising power and dominance with such overwhelming initial force that my enemies despair and capitulate at once; if I had been strong then, I would have done as my father did and knocked the bitch out cold the instant she told me to share those fucking cookies with the undeserving parasites in my first grade class, as a lesson to all that they should know my name and fear me). My stomach rumbled from the weight of delicious chocolate chip cookies digesting in my stomach. When we got home, I needed to take a massive shit, so I sat in the bathtub and forced out five large coiling turds. I took the biggest one, mashed it in my hands and smeared it all over the floor and walls. Then I wiped my ass and washed my hands, went to my room and locked the door to do some push-ups. Minutes later, her cry of despair rang through the house. She tried breaking down my door, but the lock held. An hour later, I tiptoed out to find her hunched over the tub, crying as she scrubbed. "Use more Pinesol," I shouted, before running back to my room.

That evening, my dad got pissed about dinner not being ready and forced her to sleep in the yard. I opened the window to play my recorder, a final taunting melody as the dew gathered over her huddled body.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1705444&forum_id=2:#18520454)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#25686974)

http://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=1524771&mc=99&am..

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#26129529)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#29200731)

Date: November 16th, 2011 9:54 PM

Author: AUDACITY OF HOPE

I thought Nutella and OTR were the same person for the longest time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#30296567)

This was halford's transition to prime time

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#29200940)

Nothing wrong with straight as fukkk, clean cut alpha studs conducting interracial outreach programs.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#29202600)

Author: .,.,.,.,.,,,,..,,.....,.,.,.,...,.,.,.,,

My cousin's little son said that when he was in class one of the other kid's dads came in for career day, and he was an astronaut, and he talked about what it felt like to be shot up in a rocket and then float in space, and he also had astronaut ice cream for everyone, and all the kids booed him and called him a faggot and asked him what cock tasted like on Mars, and apparently the guy got pretty upset and was seen sitting in his moon buggy in the school parking lot crying to himself, and when the principal went up to ask if everything was ok the guy put down his visor lid and said it was just allergies.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1803799&forum_id=2#19334095)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#30290586)

Author: .,.,....,.,.,.,:,,:,...,:::,...,:,,,.:...,:.::,.

"Gypsy! Do not stand in front of me at the convenience store. I a lawyer and must return to my office soon!"

"For your impatience, may you wait forever to return to your office!", the gypsy said, making a pentagram with her finger.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1550927&forum_id=#17186590)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#30718644)

Author: ebony french church building

{ ';') DID YOU BUY THE CODE RED?

:D I'll answer the question. You want a receipt?

{ ';') I think I'm entitled.

:D YOU WANT A RECEIPT?!

{ ';') I WANT MY CHANGE!

:D YOU CAN'T HAVE BACK YOUR CHANGE!

Mom, we live in a house that has doors, and those doors have to be locked when I'm downstairs. Who's gonna bring me snacks? You? That faggot Brian Leiter?

I have a greater responsibility than can possibly fathom. You weep for Brittan Heller and you curse the megaposters. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not being an MFE. And Heller's pwning, while tragic, probably got lulz. And my posting, while grotesque, and incomprehensible to you, gets lulz. You don't want your change because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you WANT me on that board. You NEED me on that board. We use words like "faggot," "bitchasss," "raep tunnel." We use these words as the backbone of a life spent commenting on others. You know them as a lawsuit. I have neither the time, nor the inclination to give back the change to a woman who rises and sleeps under the sleeping bag of the expertise that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I unzip it. I would rather you just "180," and go on your way. Otherwise I suggest you create a moniker, and start to post. EITHER WAY, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE ENTITLED TO.

{ ';') Did you buy the Code Red?

:D I posted the job stats that--

{ ';') DID YOU BUY THE CODE RED?!

:D YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1370156&forum_id=2#17819290)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#42441095)

You see, personal injury "clients" are mostly dirt poor, uneducated folks- in fact, many are homeless. That said, it's pointless to piss away $$$ on nice offices and such since anywhere with chairs and running water is likely to be a huge upgrade from what they're used to.

So when I first started at the firm I finished cutting/pasting a boilerplate motion together, and asked the boss where the exhibit tabs were kept. He looked at me like I'd asked him when my new Ferrari would be ready to pick up from the dealership.

"I don't waste money on that shit," he said. Then he tells me to go next door and ask X (the other partner) where to get them from.

So I roll in and X is screaming on the phone at some angry crackhead about her trip n' slip case and why she hasn't "got paid yet" and the typical ranting & shit. When he's done I ask him if he has any exhibit tabs. I forgot to mention that his office looked like the inside of a recycling depot, with about 10,000 old newspapers thrown all over, motions stacked up the ceiling, garbage pretty much everywhere.

He grunts and then fishes a Defendant's motion from a pile of shit next to his desk, then pulls a bent flathead screwdriver from the desk drawer and proceeds to pry the Velotext binding apart. The he tosses me the loose exhibit tabs and says "I'll leave this screwdriver on the desk so you can use it whenever."

That's how they rolled. Prying apart incoming motions to plunder their office supply content. Another funny thing was that they bought those knockoff printer toners from a dood on Canal Street who sold them off the back of a station wagon. They were terrible and all our papers looked like a charcoal briquette had been rubbed across them. One time a judge in Queens asked me if I moonlighted as a chimney sweep and was cracking up at how illegible the shit was.

Another funny habit of my boss was bringing dead batteries back to Duane Reade. The office had one of those electric combination locks on it, since turnover there was so high that he'd have to change keys about 6 times a month if it had a regular lock. Easier just to re-program the combination when someone quit/got fired/committed suicide etc.

So about every month or so the lock needed 4 new "AA" size batteries. The cheap ass would keep the battery package and have the secretary bring the dead ones back to Duane Reade scotch-taped into the pack and tell the clerk that they were dead when we bought them, etc. It worked every fucking time and was one of his big claims to fame. He said he learned that trick growing up in East New York, where he had a bunch of toy robots in the 1950s or whatever and always got free batteries by using that "trick."

He was very popular because his robots always ran full steam on fresh batteries, which were apparently very expensive back then. He was the talk of the town.

Here's another story: In NYC, when you settle an injury case for a minor under 18, the judge has to approve the settlement and review it's terms, etc. If the judge thinks its a shit deal, they can void the settlement and force you to trial. It's called an "Infant Compromise Order" and these appearances are very dicey, since so many PI firms are sleazy and try to inflate phantom "expenses" and other stuff to grab a few extra $$$ from the kiddies.

The judge sets up the bank account for the child directly, and NO ONE can touch a dime of the loot without court order once deposited. Esp. not the parents, who would of course piss it away in 5 minutes if given the chance.

So I roll into this Infant Comp hearing in the Bronx one day and find the clients ( a 9 year old kid) and his dad sitting on the bench outside the courtroom. Dad is a real gang-banger- gold tooth, gang tatts, scars, etc. He greeted me by saying "Where the fuck is Mister X?" (my boss).

I told him I worked for Mr. X and was there to cover the appearance and explain the settlement terms to him. This was a "heavy" case (in PI lingo anything worth north of 100 K is called a "heavy case" fyi.) The kid had lead poisoning from eating the flakes & stuff like potato chips in whatever housing project they called home. Anything over a 10 is a high lead reading, this kid had a 64 and had suffered permanent brain damage and learning disabilities, etc. The settlement was around 450 K, so the kid would take home 300 K after our fee.

So the dad says "Did you bring my check" and I told him "that's not how it works, the judge puts the money in a bank account until the kid turns 18."

Oh boy was this guy pissed. I forgot to mention he had an Escalade brochure in his hand and apparently planned a visit to the Cadilliac dealership right after court. He said he needed a car to drive the kid to day care, and how he was going to explain all of that to the judge. I told him it was highly unlikely that the judge would let him buy a luxury SUV with his kid's brain damage money, but this guy wanted no part of listening. He already had put his headphones back on.

There was no way I could let this settlement get voided. You see, in Shitlaw every single thing that ever goes wrong is all YOUR fault. There is also absolutely no training whatsoever, it is "sink or swim" from day one. Questions are not encouraged, since these guys have to spend every working minute scrounging for and signing up new cases, and settling old ones. Asking questions is a quick way to get canned, I saw it happen to about a dozen guys in the year and a half I worked there.

Thank God it turned out this guy wasn't even the kid's real father or guardian. The judge's clerk asked for his ID before the hearing and, seeing a different last name, asked a few questions. Turns out he was the mom's current boyfriend and she sent him over there to pick up the check. He started getting loud and all, so the bailiff came over and they bounced outta there real quick. I told the clerk to re-calendar the thing and we'd try to track down the mother for the next appearance.

So back at the office I get screamed at for not "following up" and getting the mom into court. I told him that I only learned of the appearance yesterday and was in deposition until 5 pm and had left a message on their machine, etc. He said next time to use "Sherlock." That's another funny story.

You see, it's very hard to keep tabs on injury clients, since many are in gangs, homeless, moving around public housing etc. When you finally get a fucking settlement, the work has only just begun because you then have to track these losers down and have them sign the release. So we used this shady "private eye" named Sherlock who was a former NY cop who I think did some jail time in the 80s. Sherlock's trick was to put word out "on the street" that the client had won millions in cash and had to show up at the courthouse at 9 am to have the claim form notarized. It was a great trick to get them in there, but not much fun when you have to explain that in fact they're getting 9 K for a herniated disc from their fender-bender.

Oh, those were the days. BTW don't go getting all excited about signing up lead paint cases. That horse long ago limped off to the glue factory. You see, almost ALL the NYC lead cases were against an insurance carrier named Firemen's Fund, who insured all the public housing in NYC and a lot of ghetto private properties. Some genius left the lead paint policy exclusion out of almost every policy written in 2000-2001, so it started a shitlaw feeding frenzy once word got out. My boss scored millions on this shit by having doorknob-hanger ads made up and hung from every crackhouse & hovel in NYC. Some lawyers were even having runners scrape lead paint off abandoned buildings and dumping it in people's apartments so they could cash out if the kid's lead levels were marginal (even marginal cases could get you 25 K or so nusiance value).

Those cases are now mostly all gone/settled. ALL the new policies have lead paint exclusions, so even if the kid is pouring skim milk on a bowl of lead paint flakes each morning, you ain't getting a dime.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1695190&forum_id=2#18430209)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2571353&forum_id=2#43387005)