Date: December 14th, 2024 7:44 PM
Author: salmon becky
[JOSH, TOBY, and C.J. CRAIG quickly walk down ZOZO hallway]
CRAIG: Status update on the latest poast counts?
JOSH: Roughly half current events, some nigger threads, and the rest worthless flame.
CRAIG: Okay, and Benzo?
JOSH: On parole.
CRAIG: Parole?
JOSH: Theft of a cookie display.
CRAIG: Fine. Evan and Boom?
JOSH: Same person.
CRAIG: Mainlining?
JOSH: Still working on the Mahchine.
CRAIG: Where does that leave us with regard to Tommy Turdskin?
TOBY: Uh, still in Asia, net worth holding steady, and still hates Amerikkka.
CRAIG: And NYUUG?
TOBY: Worthless chaebong hyung.
CRAIG: In English, Toby!
TOBY: Uh, he never completed his mandatory military service.
CRAIG: What?
TOBY: It's loosely translated as subhuman garbage.
JOSH: Korean women have been known to throw themselves into furnaces rather than marry a chaebong hyung.
CRAIG: I didn't need to know that.
JOSH: Right.
CRAIG: We're running late, but we have flame poasts to approve, spam to delete, crypto to purchase, and shrews to mock all within the hour.
TOBY: Can do.
CRAIG: Damn it Toby, I need absolute assurance, not a weak 'can do' or whatever. This is Zozo, not Reddit.
TOBY: Understood.
CRAIG: Rach is going to want updates every hour, on the hour.
TOBY: You have my word.
[POTUS BARTLET appears around hallway corner]
BARTLET: How are you, Toby?
TOBY: Fine sir, good to see you.
BARTLET: Are those flame threads coming along nicely?
TOBY: Yes, sir.
BARTLET: What about Luigi?
JOSH: Uh, Mangione? We have about a dozen poasts mocking his appearance, four insulting his Italian heritage, and three poking fun at women who are apparently in love with him.
BARTLET: C.J., I expect better from the bort, especially when you consider that there are at least three MPM champions still hanging around.
CRAIG: Yes sir, I agree.
BARTLET: I want creative thread titles, preferably by poasters who know what the hell they're doing.
CRAIG: Yes sir, can do.
BARTLET: C.J., you're going to have to do better than that. A weak 'can do' is simply not going to cut it. Remember, this is Zozo, not Reddit.
CRAIG: Of course, sir.
[ZOZO OPENING MONTAGE BEGINS SHOWING BALD FAGGOTS, WEIRD BROWN PEOPLE, AND RANDOM JEWISH LAWYERS]
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4951339&forum_id=2#48449167)