*opening sequence of supermarket parking lot*

*young man wearing an ill-fitting uniform looks menacingly into the camera*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3633979&forum_id=2#33453710)

*takes a dime from the register*

It'll be our little secret.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3633979&forum_id=2#33453764)

"Everyday I see this fucking sign."

*EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK*

"And everyday I do this."

*Flips the bird to the sign*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3633979&forum_id=2#33455923)

I noticed Chad and his lovely fiancee are shopping at our bakery this afternoon. And I just happened to be working in that department.

*places fresh chocolate cake on counter for Chad's fiancee*

Here you are, sweetheart, compliments of the store. And once again, congratulations!

*looks at camera*

Let's just say revenge is a dish best served cold.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3633979&forum_id=2#33456222)

"No matter how many times I keep telling them, these poasters just won't believe this really is my life."

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3633979&forum_id=2#33456385)

"this is what i call the box.you can see everything from...hey take a look at camera six...two things i learned in my 26 years on the job, first, black guys don't ever get shopping carts and two, holy shit it's june, why's he wearing a starter jacket..."

handheld cam shakes as evan runs from the box onto the grocery floor.

*like ricky henderson old evan slides into the black male, barely ripping his dickies, both collide against the frozen pizza glass. the black guys jacket is off, a catheter and colostomy bag are exposed."

"LOL sometimes what looks like shoplifting is just another federal lawsuit against the store."

phillip phillips "home" plays as the show goes to commercial.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3633979&forum_id=2#33456492)