My mom and my aunt (moms younger sister) used to be best friends but have gotten into a series of petty fights that have gotten progressively worse over the past year. My uncle got laid off at the beginning of the pandemic and mom and my aunt got into a particularly nasty fight earlier this year and apparently nasty things were said on each side and they are no longer speaking. My mom has called my aunt, and texted her, a number of times since then but my aunt won’t respond.

I hosted a large 4th of July BBQ and invited my aunt, uncle and cousins (aunt has three kids, age 23, 20 and 16). My mom wasn’t happy about that but they came and everyone was cordial although my aunt didn’t respond to my mom’s text after that weekend to reconcile.

I live about 30 minutes from my aunt (about a 2 hour flight/10 hour drive to my parents) and they’ve invited us to a BBQ (along with my grandparents who are verrry up there in age) that Saturday. I immediately accepted (along with my wife and toddler child). Aunt told me my cousin was hone for the weekend (who wasn’t around 4th of July) and I hadn’t seen her since before the pandemic.

I told my mom that I was heading over there for the BBQ and she blew up on me. Said she couldn’t believe I’d upset her like this and going over there would validate my aunts treatment of her and that she’d consider this a serious betrayal and that she really hopes I reconsider.

Do I need to cancel? My family isn’t the largest and I’d hate to put half of it to the torch because my aunt and mom can’t get along. My aunt is crazy (so is my mom) but I can deal with her just to see my cousins and it’ll make my grandparents happy to see their great grandchild (they are too frail and won’t make the 30 minute drive to my house). I could just bring the toddler to my grandparents (which I do about once a month) but it seems so stupid to drive all the way over there and not go to the BBQ.

FWIW, Aunt/uncle are also the godparents of my child.

This was typed on mobile so will try and edit any glaring errors.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663596)

tell your mom that it's important for your kid and wife to get to know the entire family and that she shouldn't be trying to create a rift in the entire family because of her petty squabble.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663616)

Complete lunacy

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663632)

Bottom line is you are doing nothing wrong. It is your mom's beef, not yours. In fact, you could use it as an opportunity to try and work a detente between mom and aunt by gently pressuring aunt to reconnect.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663636)

That said, seems like your aunt is being unreasonable if she can't respond to multiple attempts to reconcile. Tough spot, but can you serve as the intermediary to at least open up a dialogue between them? Seems like the best way to maintain good relations with your aunt while also making your mom feel like you're doing so on 'her behalf'.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663723)

anyway, by you showing up, you're undermining your mother, it's as if you're like, 'ohhh man, get a load of that lady, she's sooooooooooooooooo crazy imho, amirite folks?'

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663805)

If my aunt (or anyone else there) badmouthed my mom at the BBQ, I’d call them on it and maybe leave. I really doubt anyone would do that.

But yea, the whole thing is really awkward and even if I’m not doing anything “wrong” I’m feeling like I can really go to this.

Women are crazy. Especially older ones.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663824)

cr. responding to your mom with anything more than "lol don't bring me into your craziness and petty squabbles" is giving them too much credit. they're sisters, they'll resolve in in time.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663834)

if you don't care then just resume not caring, go to the bbq, nbd. you asked "AITA"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42663990)

So told my aunt/uncle/cousins that we weren’t going to be able to make it this weekend. The pressure from my mom and siblings was too much.

Got a text from my cousin this morning asking me if my development’s pool allowed guests, that she wanted to see us and my child, and whether my mom would be mad if we hung out with her.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=4861866&forum_id=2#42668610)