They eventually got out of the jungle and deep into the mountains. Lost as fuck. Depending on treacherous local guides. They’d come across villages that must have seen as alien as Martians. Temples steaming with blood and piles of torsos and limbs. Sodomy everywhere. Weird animals. Hallucinogenic mushrooms. Cannibals.

These Spaniards were probably the last humans to encounter true aliens, beyond any comprehension. No GPS. No comms. No way home. No common tongue. No rationality. Just lost on another planet.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43801098)

Can you imagine Indians trying to understand the idea of a legal necessity to warn in the presence of a notary before legal justification to attack

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43801125)

Some holy days they’d sacrifice a thousand people

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43801166)

Cortez, Cortez

What a killer

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43801254)

the first spaniards must have truly thought they were dealing with satan

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43801783)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Aztec_gods_and_supernatural_beings

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43804318)

-Cortes’s first letter to Charles V

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43806896)

Once in Mex, he wrote a new charter making himself bossman, but he still lacked royal backing. No doubt he was desperate to get the king's approval, because he faced the gallows back in Havana.

This letter would pass through a hundred scribes and would make it really hard for the King to NOT approve Cortes's mission. Great chess move really

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43809406)

They voted for sodomy and sacrifices to Satan.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claudia_Sheinbaum

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43808425)

A gold necklace composed of seven pieces, with 185 small emeralds set in it, and 232 gens, like rubies, from which hung 27 small bells of gold, and some pearls.

Another necklace of four pieces of gold, with 102 red gems, like rubies, 172 emeralds, 10 fine pearls, set in it, and 26 little golden bells pendant.

Two wheels, one of gold representing the sun, the other of silver bearing the image of the moon, 28 hands in circumference, and bearing various figures of animals, and other devices, beautifully worked in relief.

A head-dress of wood, decorated with gold and gems, with 25 golden bells pendant; instead of a plume it had a green bird, whose eyes, beak, and feet, were of gold.

A gold bracelet; a small sceptre with two rings of gold, set with pearls at the ends.

Four tridents, tied with feathers of different colours, and pearl points tied with gold thread.

Several deerskin shoes, sewn with gold thread, and having soles of brilliant blue and white stones.

A shield of wood and leather, decorated with hanging bells of gold, and having gold plates in the centre, carved with the figure of the god of war, surrounded by four heads of a lion, a tiger, an eagle, and an owl, represented with their hair and feathers.

Several skins, tanned with the hair and feathers on them.

Twenty-four curious and beautiful golden shields, decorated with feathers and small pearls, four others of feathers and silver.

Four fish, two ducks, and other birds, made of gold.

Two sea-shells, imitated in gold, and a large crocodile, girt with golden threads.

A large mirror, and several small ones, of gold.

Several head-dresses, and crowns of feathers and gold, ornamented with pearls and gems. Several large plumes of beautiful feathers, of various colours, spangled with gold and small pearls.

Several fans; some of gold and feathers, others of feathers alone, but all very rich.

A variety of cotton robes; some all white, others chequered white and black, or red, green, yellow, and blue, the outside being shaggy, and the inside smooth, without colour.

A number of coats, handkerchiefs, bedcovers, tapestries, and carpets of cotton stuffs.

There were several Mexican books, written in hieroglyphics, on their paper, which was about the consistency of light pasteboard. Peter Martyr describes them as folding tablets, and says of the writing, "Sunt characteres a nostris valde dissimilis, Egypteas fere formas æmulantur" (De Insults nuper inventis).

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43806917)

The men who ended up in Mexico in 1519 were also mostly escaping hopelessness in Europe.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43808455)

By this point they are being led in surrounded by thousands of Indian "guides", badly outnumbered. They are deep into the heart of Montezuma's territory, weeks from any area they could reasonably defend.

They come into the valley and see a massive city -- bigger than any European city. Maybe 300,000 people. And its built on man-made islands in a giant expanse of lakes. To get downtown, you had to cross strange bridges into the heart of the lake, so narrow that Cortes's army would have to walk no more than five abreast, and the horses would be useless, not to mention cannon, etc. All around you in the lakes are canoes full of Indians.

At points the bridges are terminated and only connected by removable logs. At any stretch, the Indians could remove connections and lock your entire army on a tiny bridge.

The houses you see ahead are stone and lime-washed white, brilliant in the sun. There are dozens of pyramids and temples, some twenty stories tall. Some mansions are so grand that within their interior courtyards there were pools with floating gardens over an acre. There was a royal zoo full of creatures youd never seen before, like rattle snakes.

All of your interpretation had to go through two translators before getting to its audience.

The king himself is carried by litter to greet you. Cortes moves to give him a spanish abrazo, and hundreds of men with blow darts appear on rooftops.

Ten children are presented to you to be sacrificed in honor of your arrival, and a hundred slave girls.

Cortes, with a few hundred men and balls bigger than I can comprehend, will within days demand that Montezuma turn himself over as the ward of the spaniards.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43815782)

To which Cortes answered, that we should never be able to repay him for all the kindnesses he had shown us. We indeed came from the rising of the sun, and were servants and subjects of a powerful monarch, called Don Carlos, who had numerous distinguished princes among his vassals. Our monarch had received intelligence of him, Motecusuma, and of his great power, and had expressly sent us to his country to beg of him and his subjects to become converts to the Christian faith, for the salvation of their souls; and that we only adored one true God, as he had previously, in some degree, explained on the downs to his ambassadors Teuthlille, Cuitalpitoc, and Quintalbor, all of which, however, would be more fully explained to him at some future period. When this discourse was ended, Motecusuma presented to our general various kinds of valuable gold trinkets, and a smaller portion of the same kind to each of our officers, with three packages of cotton stuffs, splendidly interwoven with feathers; and to every soldier two similar packages. All this he gave with every appearance of delight, and in all he did he showed his excellent breeding. He likewise inquired, after the presents had been distributed, whether we were all brothers, and subjects of our great emperor? To which Cortes replied in the affirmative, assuring him we were all united in love and friendship towards each other. In this way a pleasant discourse was kept up between Motecusuma and Cortes, though it was of short duration, as this was the monarch's first visit, and he was unwilling to be too troublesome thus early. He then ordered his house steward to provide us the necessary provisions, consisting in maise, fowls, and fruits, and also grass for our horses; to furnish women to grind our corn with stones, and bake the bread: after which the monarch took leave of us with great courtesy, Cortes and all of us conducting him to the door.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43822143)

In the new world, they all had wives somewhere in Cuba or DR and regularly smashed indians. Submissive chiefs would give them girls, hoping theyd just leave, and Cortes would divvy them up among his men according to merit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43823049)

"We had more trouble in preventing our allies from killing with such cruelty than we had in fighting the enemy. For no race, however savage, has ever practiced such fierce and unnatural cruelty as the natives of these parts. Our allies also took many spoils that day, which we were unable to prevent, as they numbered more than 150,000 and we Spaniards only some nine hundred. Neither our precautions nor our warnings could stop their looting, though we did all we could...I had posted Spaniards in every street, so that when the people began to come out [to surrender] they might prevent our allies from killing those wretched people, whose numbers was uncountable. I also told the captains of our allies that on no account should any of those people be slain; but there were so many that we could not prevent more than fifteen thousand being killed and sacrificed [by the Tlaxcalans] that day".[34]

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43826609)

His former patron, now-nemesis Velazquez back in Cuba finally got around to sending 18 ships to come arrest Cortes in Mexico.

Montezuma, after sitting on the news for a few days, let it slip, "Hey there's more whites back on the coast. They say youre a criminal and are here to kill you. Enjoy DLA Piper."

Cortes had maybe 900 guys in the capitol and now had to split forces and send some to fight Spaniards back on the coast, keep some in Tenochtitlan to keep Montazuma under guard and watch all the gold they'd obtained.

He gets to the coast and somehow defeats the new arrivals. Partly by attacking during a hurricane, partly by flaunting all the gold chains his men wore, causing the new guys to switch sides.

Meanwhile back in the city, the Aztecs saw their chance and attacked the men left behind, who were under siege and starving. 400 soldiers surrounded by 300,000 Aztecs.

Cortes made his way back and was shocked to be able to reach him men. But it was a trap! Now he was surrounded and one night the Aztecs began throwing tens of thousands of men at the walls, ready to sacrifice and eat the Spaniards.

Cortes forced Montezuma to stand on the wall, but the Aztecs stoned him to death. They had disconnected all the bridges out of town, so there was literally no way out.

Cortes told his men, "stuff whatever gold you can in your pockets, we're going to make a break for it tonight."

They burst out, thousands of stones and arrows falling on them from rooftops. Indians dropped boulders on horses. Drummers started pounding on drums big enough to wake the whole city. Half his men died or were captured, to be eaten. They got to a bridge and just sprinted like motherfuckers, hand to hand combat the whole way. When they'd come to a gap, they pole vaulted with spears, they swam, they jumped. Indians in canoes pwned them the whole way. Another half of the Spaniards were dead. There were eight gaps.

Maybe 100 spaniards made it. Cortes had a destroyed left hand and a cracked skull. It was still night and there were still a 500 miles back to the shore, Aztec controlled the whole way. At one point one of his men cut the fingers off Cortes's left hand and cauterized it in boiling oil, so he could fit a shield over his wrist.

Dude made it, regrouped and came back to conquer.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43844012)

Also was Montezuma killed by his own people?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43844136)

seems likely the aztecs were pissed at his capitulation and/or were just chimping out and ready to kill anyone in front of them. Cortes presented him hoping it might cool the attack, and the aztecs were like "fuck that" and took him down

yeah, i thought about how it must have felt to get captured alive. holy shit. dragged up those pyramid steps.... apparently theyd often skin you first, and cook that

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43844146)

Cortes gets his still vastly outnumbered men (couple thousand vs 300,000 Aztecs) to build 18 brigantine ships in the middle of the forest. Imagine the sight of that. Massive shipbuilding enterprise on dry land in the middle of Mexico. They didn’t have caulking to seal the boards so they end up using the fat from dead Indians.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5010060&forum_id=2#43877707)