It is sheer perfection in it's simplicity and simultaneous complexity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_ekugPKqFw

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299712)

It's like 2002 or something. First wave of viral videos.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299847)

The basketball hoop in the background as well as the girl clapping at the end FULLY SEND THIS for me.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299875)

not like i'm gonna poast corn or yoga girls for you guys

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46300062)

i.e. besides being a sniveling, hottentot fag

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46302282)

33.33 repeating

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLyOj_QD4a4

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299732)

say it ain't so.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46301984)

https://www.ladbible.com/technology/gaming-interesting-technology-the-answer-is-finally-here-the-leeroy-jenkins-video-was-staged-20171227

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46302926)

2:43 for the goat gif source material

As far as my own choice, not sure, but that reporter stomping the grapes and falling off the platform killed me. As did the infomercial where the guy falls off the collapsing ladder.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299735)

Also, never saw your link here before. CRAZY GOOD.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299745)

Grape Lady.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299774)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE-nfzcUiPk

When the baldmo in front falls over with arms at sides always gets me.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299781)

F.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46301741)

QVC Sword

https://youtu.be/2kFgeZtkAb8

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299790)

"Now it's locked in place"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299820)

This is the one I was referring to above: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isYF5E0WxGU

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46301754)

https://youtu.be/K1ljOcl39PQ

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46299896)

Why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything–I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock. Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too–big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is. Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock." I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, then I've got a real problem. Then there was the time I was hiking through the woods and came across a rugged-looking, blond-haired man in his early 30s. He seemed straight enough to me while we were bathing in that mountain stream, but, before you know it, he's sucking my cock. What is it with these homos? Can't they control their sexual urges? Aren't there enough gay cocks out there for them to suck on without them having to target normal people like me? Believe me, I have no interest in getting my cock sucked by some queer. But try telling that to the guy at the beach club. Or the one at the video store. Or the one who catered my wedding. Or any of the countless other homos who've come on to me recently. All of them sucked my cock, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I tell you, when a homosexual is sucking your cock, a lot of strange thoughts go through your head: How the hell did this happen? Where did this fairy ever get the idea that I was gay? And where did he get those fantastic boots? It screws with your head at other times, too. Every time a man passes me on the street, I'm afraid he's going to grab me and drag me off to some bathroom to suck my cock. I've even started to visualize these repulsive cock-sucking episodes during the healthy, heterosexual marital relations I enjoy with my wife–even some that haven't actually happened, like the sweaty, post-game locker-room tryst with Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier that I can't seem to stop thinking about. Things could be worse, I suppose. It could be women trying to suck my cock, which would be adultery and would make me feel tremendously guilty. As it is, I'm just angry and sickened. But believe me, that's enough. I don't know what makes these homosexuals mistake me for a guy who wants his cock sucked, and, frankly, I don't want to know. I just wish there were some way to get them to stop. I've tried all sorts of things to get them to stop, but it has all been to no avail. A few months back, I started wearing an intimidating-looking black leather thong with menacing metal studs in the hopes that it would frighten those faggots off, but it didn't work. In fact, it only seemed to encourage them. Then, I really started getting rough, slapping them around whenever they were sucking my cock, but that failed, too. Even pulling out of their mouths just before ejaculation and shooting sperm all over their face, neck, chest and hair seemed to have no effect. What do I have to do to get the message across to these swishes? I swear, if these homosexuals don't take a hint and quit sucking my cock all the time, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures–like maybe pinning them down to the cement floor of the loading dock with my powerful forearms and working my cock all the way up their butt so they understand loud and clear just how much I disapprove of their unwelcome advances. I mean, you can't get much more direct than that.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46300000)

Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

PublishedFebruary 18, 2004

James M. Kilts

CEO and President,

The Gillette Company

James M. Kilts

CEO and President,

The Gillette Company

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades.

Watch

This Week's Most Viral News: Teacher Appreciation Week

This Week's Most Viral News: Teacher Appreciation Week

High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job

Wednesday 11:51AM

Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Tuesday 11:12AM

Sure, we could go to four blades next, like the competition. That seems like the logical thing to do. After all, three worked out pretty well, and four is the next number after three. So let's play it safe. Let's make a thicker aloe strip and call it the Mach3SuperTurbo. Why innovate when we can follow? Oh, I know why: Because we're a business, that's why!

You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get.

What part of this don't you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all.

Here's the report from Engineering. Someone put it in the bathroom: I want to wipe my ass with it. They don't tell me what to invent—I tell them. And I'm telling them to stick two more blades in there. I don't care how. Make the blades so thin they're invisible. Put some on the handle. I don't care if they have to cram the fifth blade in perpendicular to the other four, just do it!

You're taking the "safety" part of "safety razor" too literally, grandma. Cut the strings and soar. Let's hit it. Let's roll. This is our chance to make razor history. Let's dream big. All you have to do is say that five blades can happen, and it will happen. If you aren't on board, then fuck you. And if you're on the board, then fuck you and your father. Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A.

People said we couldn't go to three. It'll cost a fortune to manufacture, they said. Well, we did it. Now some egghead in a lab is screaming "Five's crazy?" Well, perhaps he'd be more comfortable in the labs at Norelco, working on fucking electrics. Rotary blades, my white ass!

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we should just ride in Bic's wake and make pens. Ha! Not on your fucking life! The day I shadow a penny-ante outfit like Bic is the day I leave the razor game for good, and that won't happen until the day I die!

The market? Listen, we make the market. All we have to do is put her out there with a little jingle. It's as easy as, "Hey, shaving with anything less than five blades is like scraping your beard off with a dull hatchet." Or "You'll be so smooth, I could snort lines off of your chin." Try "Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it."

I know what you're thinking now: What'll people say? Mew mew mew. Oh, no, what will people say?! Grow the fuck up. When you're on top, people talk. That's the price you pay for being on top. Which Gillette is, always has been, and forever shall be, Amen, five blades, sweet Jesus in heaven.

Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That's right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather. You heard me—the second strip lathers. It's a whole new way to think about shaving. Don't question it. Don't say a word. Just key the music, and call the chorus girls, because we're on the edge—the razor's edge—and I feel like dancing.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46302446)

https://www.theonion.com/president-bill-climpton-1819563797

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46303633)

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2uzo0d

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46301768)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zdU635esPpQ

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46301791)

https://www.theonion.com/this-here-is-probably-our-bestselling-love-seat-says-1819580016

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46304630)

trigger warning: fatphobia

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46305240)

https://youtube.com/shorts/liiUuOhW3uY?feature=share

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5338833&forum_id=2#46484044)