These mandatory sessions are the stuff of nightmares. Last week, she forced us into “trust falls” in the middle of the produce aisle. Jerry let me crash into a pyramid of avocados, muttering, “Thought you had it, my faggy friend.” Everyone laughed at me, including my very own HR "representative" Tabitha.

Today’s activity? “Vision boarding.” Tabitha, standing in front of a whiteboard with her signature Big Gulp in hand, barked, “Everyone grab a magazine and find pictures that represent your work goals!” Jerry pasted a Lamborghini on his board, Keisha glued on a picture of an entire cheesecake, and Jamal wrote “Ca$h Out” in giant block letters.

I tried to participate sincerely, but Tabitha wasn’t having it. “Evan, your board needs more… enthusiasm. Maybe a picture of a mop? Or some Windex?” Everyone laughed, and Jerry added, “Don’t forget a Rainbow, friend!”

After the session, the store was a disaster. Customers wandered the aisles, bewildered, while I scrambled to clean up the mess. Tabitha waddled by, sipping her soda and smirking: “See? Morale’s already up.”

Finished late, muttered, “Yes, friend. This is fine.”

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5630900&forum_id=2#48315059)