2 years into marriage, we starting trying for a baby. There were issues.

We were both screened for fertility due to miscarriages. I had somehow started blaming myself for these miscarriages and became quite depressed. I used drugs in the past and didn't take care of myself and truly believed that this was the issue. However, it was also at this time I found out my Wife had chlamydia in the past that had gone unchecked. She sat there and listened to me put myself through that misery, when in fact this STD could have been the issue all along. Even a Doctor said it. This had been kept secret from me all along. I honestly did not know what to do or say. I was shocked. I had disclosed the results of my STI checks early on in the relationship. I even told her at the time that i'd never had one. Even joked to her that I had been incredibly lucky. She said nothing at the time.

After this discovery, I asked her about her past etc. I know, shutting the gate after the horse had bolted and all that. I have always been pretty forthcoming about my past and often joked about things I had done or situations I found myself in throughout the relationship. She on the other hand never gave anything away the whole time. Until this instance.

She downplayed, but what she did tell me was colourful to say the least. Multiple partners (40+) some of whom I know, STIs, abortions etc.

I didn't give her a hard time over these disclosures but inside, my blood ran cold. She had kept all of these things from me from the start. Knowing fine well if I knew at the start, what I know now, we would probably would not have been married and I wouldn't have dreamed of having children with her.

That aside.

We finally had our baby 9 months after this mess. Who I love more than anything on this earth.

I thought I could see past everything and desperately tried to but, we began to struggle as a couple. We tried for 4 long years to hold this thing together but we became fundamentally incompatible. Everything we previously had on both sides as a couple, mine and hers, disappeared and what came to the forefront was miscommunication, arguements, resentment, contempt and anger.

She hated me for asking the questions I had and I hated her for concealing them. It was an endless cycle of shit.

I am no angel. I admit that but I have always been forthcoming and told my stories like some kind of war stories. The issue was not her past. It was the deceitful way in which she concealed it and lied and backtracked when I asked her about them.

And for it to manifest and be sprung upon me at a time when we were both going through serious problems was unforgivable in my opinion.

We have now split.

It was tough at first, but now I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I could not for the life of me have continued a marriage with this woman and she could not have continued a marriage with me.

We were at such a level of unhappiness it was making us ill.

I don't know why I posted this on here. I guess i've come on here for advice or open discussion alot lately and find it helpful.

What do you think about this all?

You can berate me or agree with me. Give me your opinion. Share your experiences. Whatever.

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5889795&forum_id=2#50047094)

All you can do is tell it one more time, patiently, adding and subtracting, making up a few things to get at the real truth. No Mitchell Sanders, you tell her. No Curt Lemon, no Rat Kiley. No baby buffalo. No trail junction. No baby buffalo. It's all made up. Beginning to end. Every goddamn detail - the mountains and the river and especially that poor dumb baby buffalo. None of it happened. None of it. And even if it did happen, it didn't happen in the mountains, it happened in this little village on the Batangan Peninsula, and it was raining like crazy, and one night a guy named Stink Harris woke up screaming with a leech on his tongue. You can tell a true war story if you just keep on telling it. And in the end, of course, a true war story is never about war. It's about sunlight. It's about the special way that dawn spreads out on a river when you know you must cross that river and march into the mountains and do things you are afraid to do. It's about love and memory. It's about sorrow.

It's about sisters who never write back and people who never listen.

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5889795&forum_id=2#50047755)

Hard to get past that one when everyone is in on it but him.

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5889795&forum_id=2#50047342)

this is the same girl who, when i asked her what she wanted to do the first time we were going to fuck because i didn't have a condom, said "i dunno, up to you. it's your body" and i made the wise decision of fucking her bareback.

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5889795&forum_id=2#50047699)

We were both screened for fertility due to miscarriages....Multiple partners (40+) some of whom I know, STIs, abortions etc.

We were both screened for fertility due to miscarriages....Multiple partners (40+) some of whom I know, STIs, abortions etc.

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5889795&forum_id=2#50047772)