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OK - pissed off. Wife frigid.
Poast new message in this thread
Date: November 14th, 2013 10:29 AM Author: pearl territorial corner I'm pissed. Married six months ago, wife has no interest in sex or fooling around. I know before the wedding that she had some sexual issues, but we still fooled around a decent amount. Now, I'm lucky to have sex once a month - that's on a good month. Blowjobs are non-existent. Handjobs, when they occur (very rarely), are done so un-enthusiastically that they're not worth the effort.
Consider divorce? Kill self? Wait it out? Cheat? |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:38 AM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I remember you, you're an old timer. I also recall you asked the board this before marriage and EVERYONE told you not to marry because this exact thing would happen. You cannot "wait it out." It is only getting worse, not better. Divorce now. Try to push for annulment if possible, though that's a hard game to play. But it might scare her enough to sign a favorable settlement. Good luck. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436857) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:41 AM Author: pearl territorial corner thx - you're probably right. This is where I'm leaning.
I don't remember making that thread but I may have done that - |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:46 AM Author: pearl territorial corner 6 month marriage - divorce wouldn't be too bad at this point legally. Sucks though. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436890) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:53 AM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Which is why you shouldn't wait. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436924) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:11 PM Author: low-t wonderful business firm love of her life (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437689) |
Date: November 14th, 2013 10:38 AM Author: Concupiscible maize hunting ground whorehouse WHAT'S HIS NAME? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436859) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:50 AM Author: Charcoal cumskin codepig DOES HE POST HERE TOO? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436906) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:56 AM Author: Concupiscible maize hunting ground whorehouse AND WHERE AM I GOING TO GET A MILLION DOLLARS (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436940) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:07 AM Author: Pungent outnumbered bbw forum lol (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436996) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:28 AM Author: Charcoal cumskin codepig (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437119) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:32 PM Author: Burgundy heaven (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437478) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:32 PM Author: Heady buff round eye pit (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437832) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:47 PM Author: walnut hell jew (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437935) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:48 PM Author: wine senate cuck (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439109) |
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Date: November 15th, 2013 11:03 PM Author: Disgusting headpube (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24447303) |
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Date: January 31st, 2016 4:54 AM Author: filthy public bath fortuitous meteor (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#29719370) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:39 AM Author: Lascivious Friendly Grandma People Who Are Hurt now that you're married she knows that if you find out about Darnell the worst thing that will happen is she gets 50% of your shit (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436865) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:42 AM Author: pearl territorial corner That would suck. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436875) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:40 AM Author: Heady buff round eye pit Talk about it. Tell her that if she's feeling like any of HER needs are being unmet, she should let you know and you'll work on it -- and that you expect the same of her. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436870) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:56 PM Author: odious black laser beams (guy who thinks women are rational) (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439470) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:41 AM Author: Glassy Exciting Station Main People u have 3 options
cheat
divorce
or live life without sex |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:42 AM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead First thing you need to do is talk to her and let you know this is how you're feeling and that you'd like more sex. You owe it to her to let her know how you feel. Also, try to work on things that she appreciates.
If, however, you have (a) put her on notice and (b) made a good faith effort to do more for her, and nothing changes, you should either separate or outsource the work occasionally. Try to take care of this before kids. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:43 AM Author: pearl territorial corner She knows - and she knows that this could end the marriage. She just can't bring herself to change. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436879) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:50 AM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead Are there things you're doing (or not doing) that are making her this way?
If not, like I said, either get out or outsource the work. Life is far to short not to enjoy it. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:54 AM Author: pearl territorial corner I've thought about that - but this is the first real relationship I've ever had where the girl went cold fish. Usually, even if it starts slow, girls come around. Not so with wife.
And yea, I got serious about being back in shape, I'm making a conscious effort to not be beta-husband-man. My practice is killing it - these are good times for me and I'm happy and confident with the other aspects of my life. I don't think it's me. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:57 AM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead Then get out or fuck other girls. Seriously.
I'm all for mutual respect in a marriage. But women can't take something like sex, which is important to a man, limit it only to within the marriage, and then basically deny it to you.
It would be like telling a woman she could no longer go out with her friends for fun but only with you, and then you deciding you don't want to do anything fun. THAT's the real disrespect IMO. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:39 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I agree with this. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437507) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:54 AM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen In other words, she doesn't care that much. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436928) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:55 AM Author: pearl territorial corner Not enough to do something about it. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436937) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:02 AM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Then divorce ASAP. The longer you let this drag the more you'll line her pockets with ill gotten gain. Get the documents today, fill it in, try to get her to sign tonight. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436972) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:05 AM Author: pearl territorial corner My main practice is divorce - when I'm ready, I know exactly what I'm in for. And at this point, it wouldn't be too much. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436987) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:07 AM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen So do it now. There's zero reason to wait. Show up with documents at dinner. If she is like "nooooo, I'll change" then you can give her another chance. And push her on it if she does. Sex 3-4x a week. Anything short of that and proceed with the divorce. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436997) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:50 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen By the way, your main practice is divorce yet you married THIS woman? JFC. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437559) |
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Date: January 31st, 2016 4:54 AM Author: violent sweet tailpipe (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#29719371) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:46 AM Author: stirring set Definitely see if she's willing to work on it first, esp if you love most other aspects of the marriage. She should definitely see a doctor. Lots of things can affect libido in women. I've had issues with Vitamin D deficiency, and ESPECIALLY long-term pill use. Doctors and the literature don't talk about it much, but if she's been on the pill for several years she just won't be in the mood. I was on it for 8 years. As soon as I went off it to start having kids it was a HUGE difference.
You'd want to do condoms for a while though. Don't let yourself get BABBY-PWNED until you know you can work this out. And if she isn't willing to work on any of it, ATD. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:51 AM Author: pearl territorial corner I've suspected this. She uses a neavo-ring (sp) and keeps that sucker up there for months at a time. I've brought this up to her, but she's still on that thing because she doesn't think she can remember to take the pill.
She says that she's super worried about getting pregnant because we're kind of fucked health insurance wise right now and she doesn't have maternity coverage - so getting pregos will cost us about 15k. Sure - I get that, but she still has no interest to fool around in any other way. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:54 AM Author: stirring set She could still see her doctor and get bloodwork and explore options. For the pill, have her keep it on her nightstand and either always take it when she goes to bed or always when she gets up. Better to be off by an hour once in a while than to forget altogether.
Nuvo-ring I believe is 3 weeks at a time so if she's really not changing it for months that is not only gross but also risking pregnancy anyway. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:56 AM Author: pearl territorial corner Yea, I thought it is kind of gross too. I like what you're saying here and this is not a bad idea. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436939) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:57 AM Author: stirring set The most important thing here is being willing to change. Esp if you've expressed what a problem it is. I couldn't believe what a difference it made once I got off the hormones. I'll never go back on it. I hate using condoms as much as my husband, but it's better than no sex. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436948) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:59 AM Author: pearl territorial corner I desipse condoms but better than no sex. We've talked about this before and I think this is the way to go. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436956) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:00 AM Author: stirring set Yeah I mean if insurance is an issue just buy some ultra-thin trojans and tell her to take out the ring. You'd see improvement probably in a week or so if that's the issue. If after a month or so she still doesn't seem into it, do bloodwork. She could have a deficiency, thyroid issue, etc. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436961) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:04 AM Author: pearl territorial corner She may.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:48 AM Author: trip faggot firefighter telephone sounds perfect. what's the problem? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436894) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:51 AM Author: slap-happy rigor keepsake machete Just go here and see how well it works out for others in your situation:
http://www.reddit.com/r/deadbedrooms |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:51 AM Author: Charcoal cumskin codepig could it be a hormonal issue? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436913) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:53 AM Author: submissive piazza twinkling uncleanness You need to command her respect. Start lifting nude. When you walk in the door wearing nothing but timerlands and a du rag, muscles and cock still swollen from a good session, you just tell her to get that pussy out and start pounding. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436926) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:55 AM Author: pearl territorial corner a solid idea (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436933) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:57 AM Author: lurid anal narrative "good session lifting nude" and "timberlands and a du rag" are contradictory (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436946) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:58 AM Author: pearl territorial corner You need solid arch support if you're going to do heavy squats. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436952) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:02 AM Author: submissive piazza twinkling uncleanness You don't want to catch a cold walking back from Pounder's, so you throw on a du rag to keep your head warm and slip into your tims for the walk. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436971) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:55 PM Author: rebellious site having good ankle support is important for both bodybuilding and stimming activities (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437591) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:58 AM Author: impressive thriller stage (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436953) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:09 AM Author: yapping internal respiration police squad (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437007) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:32 AM Author: Khaki misunderstood indirect expression depressive (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437139) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:10 PM Author: Red diverse roast beef field OP, could you please pass this along to D'Angelo? don't think he has Wi-Fi on his UPS route. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437683) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:15 PM Author: pearl territorial corner I laughed. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437711) |
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Date: January 31st, 2016 4:51 AM Author: Soul-stirring swollen azn (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#29719357) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 10:55 AM Author: lurid anal narrative lol heterosexual marriage is dun here (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436938) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:00 AM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen It isn't. This guy knew what he was getting into and did it anyway hoping she would change after they got married. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24436959) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:01 AM Author: pearl territorial corner Yup. Dead on.
EDIT: and because of that I'll give it more effort. It's a good marriage except for the lack of sex - of course, which is the same as saying I have a good law practice that just doesn't make much money. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:39 AM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Yeah, it is like that. You're a really successful lawyer but no money. That means not so much. She isn't going to change. I'm sorry, but you need to accept that. You didn't before marriage (hoping that a legal document would do it). Now you're hoping for what, exactly? If she gave a shit she would change. When I was in a LTR there were times when I wanted to sleep and my gf wanted to fuck and I was like "whatever" and dicked her. If she really cared she would do the same. She doesn't. Move on. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437178) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:23 PM Author: Awkward marketing idea (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437438) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:59 PM Author: slap-happy rigor keepsake machete (Rapist) (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438005) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:10 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Per the feminist view I guess I've been raped many times as well. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438064) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:32 AM Author: Khaki misunderstood indirect expression depressive 80% chance she's taking it in the anus from darnell
20% she's doing him right now |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:33 AM Author: Ruddy Exhilarant Travel Guidebook Place Of Business Serious Q: Do you eat dat pussy? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437147) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:50 AM Author: pearl territorial corner Every opportunity I can - and I make her cum like a freight train when I do. I'm the damn vag-commander and know what I'm doing. I love doing it.
Getting her to let me do it is not easy - she usually says no. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:57 AM Author: Glassy Exciting Station Main People why on earth did you marry her? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437295) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:57 PM Author: Ruddy Exhilarant Travel Guidebook Place Of Business I didn't expect that answer, friend. If she's a cool wife otherwise, the next step is to propose open marriage. It's pretty awesome. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437606) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:00 PM Author: pearl territorial corner In an early argument, she skirted at the idea that if that was what I wanted, she would consider it.
Problem is that she doesn't want that and that would end the marriage very quickly. Also, I just want to fuck my wife - I don't want to get caught up in crazy love triangle bullshit. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:01 PM Author: Ruddy Exhilarant Travel Guidebook Place Of Business You only get a crazy love triangle if you make it romantic. There are tons of hot wives in your area who just want a FB.
(those internet ads are true, actually) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:03 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Don't get me wrong, I would love to go fuck someones brains out. And cheating sex is always so hot, especially drunk, random strange from the bar sex. This is an available option if I wanted it.
But fuck if I go this route I might as well leave my wife. She would never - and I mean never - be able to deal with the shit that would come with an open marriage. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:08 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead Do you otherwise like your wife and marriage, or are there other issues? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437668) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:15 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Nope - for the most part, I enjoy being with my wife and our marriage is pretty sound outside of this issue. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437717) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:21 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead Then why not just fuck other chicks occasionally? You both get the benefit of a marriage that is working otherwise, and she doesn't have to put out all the time, nor will she feel pressured to put out all the time. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437751) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:35 PM Author: pearl territorial corner This will happen eventually if things don't change whether I decide to do this or not. I'm out a lot being social, drinking, being around women who have been drinking, for work often and there are other options. I know that's a cop out but I love sex and boobies and nice big asses and there's only so many times I can pass up ass (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437852) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:39 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead >>I know that's a cop out but I love sex and boobies and nice big asses and there's only so many times I can pass up ass<<
That's not a cop out. That's called being a man with needs that aren't being met.
Look at it this way. If your wife needed emotional support and you weren't providing it at all, even after she made it clear that she needed it, how long do you think it would take her to run to some third party for that support? |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:45 PM Author: pearl territorial corner I hear you, but if I'm building my case for being justified in cheating, I should just leave. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437925) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:49 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead Why? You just said the only issue is sex. You want it and she doesn't. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437949) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:46 PM Author: drab doobsian library dopamine No, dude. This won't solve the problem, it will just incubate the problem and let it grow bigger. He needs to figure this shit out one way or another before they have kids. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438717) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:16 PM Author: Ruddy Exhilarant Travel Guidebook Place Of Business Do a DADT arrangement then. It's easy. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437720) |
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Date: July 22nd, 2015 6:12 AM Author: vibrant hateful parlor haunted graveyard Hidden gem ITT (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#28387922) |
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Date: November 15th, 2013 12:13 AM Author: pale flatulent trailer park yarmulke Protip she's faking it (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24441924) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 11:55 AM Author: electric trump supporter death wish Not sure what to tell you but if I knew you IRL, I would arrange for our wives to meet:
My wife has become an evangelist for frequent sex in marriage. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:04 PM Author: Aphrodisiac Hyperventilating Home Sad but I suspect is more common that thought. I think fems might be hard wired to shut down this way. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437350) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:04 PM Author: erotic nubile weed whacker A lot of women just use sex to get a man. Now that she has you she has no use for it. You're done here. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437351) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:17 PM Author: pearl territorial corner I think the problem is that she's cold - not that she's manipulative. Though, she is manipulative, and I wouldn't put it past her.
She knows her marriage could fail for lack of sex, she just can't (or more likely won't) do anything about it. And she really doesn't want this divorce - I do well and she doesn't.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:32 PM Author: erotic nubile weed whacker It's not that they are being consciously manipulative. It's biological. Many women are hardwired to use sex to get a man, but once they have them just lose that desire. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437482) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:34 PM Author: pearl territorial corner I agree with that (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437492) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:49 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen This is why when you realize that you fell into that trap you need to undo it ASAP. You don't "work on it" in this situation because you cannot fix it. It is how these women are hardwired. You just flat out show up with documents. If she says "noooo, I will change" you give her exactly 1 chance. It is either a complete reversal that sticks or you move ahead with the divorce. Zero compromise on this. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437550) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:52 PM Author: pearl territorial corner This would be effective on 0% of women. I'm not going to scare her pussy into getting wet. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437572) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:55 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Not true, this would work on many women. You're looking at this stupidly. Women don't have to want sex to have sex. This is a fucking lie that modern society is selling. Wives have, since the beginning of time, fucked their husbands when they didn't feel like it because their husbands wanted to. Divorce can absolutely scare her legs open, if not getting her pussy wet. If it doesn't then fuck it, she doesn't care enough about the marriage. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437588) |
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Date: January 31st, 2016 5:01 AM Author: violent sweet tailpipe Next|Level|Poast (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#29719393) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:04 PM Author: supple institution YOU | ARE | FUCKED (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437352) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:06 PM Author: Talented orchid shrine ceo Just jerk off in front of her. Constantly. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437360) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:14 PM Author: iridescent spectacular nursing home liquid oxygen This sucks. You can't pressure her or you might cause her to shut down even more, but you need to make it clear that this might cost both of you your marriage (which otherwise sounds like you're happy with).
You're not alone -- so many people deal with this.
I'd have a serious sit-down with her, express how much this means to you, that you look forward to spending the rest of your life with her, but that you need this part of your relationship to be healthy. Encourage her to go see a doctor to talk about this.
Also, could it be psychological? Was she ever raped or abused? |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:20 PM Author: pearl territorial corner "This sucks. You can't pressure her or you might cause her to shut down even more, but you need to make it clear that this might cost both of you your marriage (which otherwise sounds like you're happy with)."
Exactly
"Also, could it be psychological? Was she ever raped or abused?"
Her first time - and only time prior to me - was in high school and was less than consensual, and was a fiasco. So, yes. That was almost 15 years ago and it's true that she probably has not dealt with it. But she chooses not to deal with it and it's another excuse just like too tired, work tomorrow, stressed out, TV show on, etc. etc.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:30 PM Author: iridescent spectacular nursing home liquid oxygen This is eerily similar to a LTR that I had that nearly ended up in marriage, but didn't, primarily for this reason (frigid, in large part because of long-past abuse).
You need to be patient if you want this to work, but I'd definitely get her to go to the doctor to see if it's as simple as the BC. If nothing else, it at least eliminates one possibility.
Also, the TV show / iPad shit is so easy to do in marriage -- it's so much easier to sit there and do nothing than to go through the same foreplay that you've done 50-1,000 times. At 9 p.m., ask her if she wants to go to bed early. Or maybe even make a "sex date," as lame as that sounds, that way it's penciled-in that when you get home from dinner on Friday at 10, you're heading straight to the bedroom and not to the couch so that you manage her expectations for the night (i.e. so that she's not disappointed that she's not catching up on some Bravo show).
Anyway, as others have said, first thing to do is to get her to the doc to see what's up and to take her off the BC or see if it's some other issue.
Good luck. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:34 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Thanks dude and you get exactly what I'm dealing with. Your ideas are solid and I'm going to try that. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437490) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:40 PM Author: razzle tanning salon You married a 30-year old woman who had sex one time before you, and apparently more than a decade in the past?
Brother... I like you, but wtf were you thinking?! |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:46 PM Author: pearl territorial corner haha yea I've thought about that. I only found out about her lack of prior sex thing after a few months of being with her. Which - oddly enough - was after she was banging me and we had sex on our first date. She later told me that I was her first since HS well after we had been dating for a while - she's in her late 20's. Which is even stranger considering wife is hot - very hot - and regularly hooked up with guys prior to us going out. As I learned all this, I thought I was just being lied to (no big deal, to be expected when talking to woman about past sexual experiences). At this point, I realize this that most likely all this is true and my girl is just really fucked up regarding sex. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437536) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:47 PM Author: supple institution could be lezzie in denial
or past abuse/trauma
either way she's primed to take half your shit! THANKS OBAMA |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:50 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Whatever it is, it's fucking crazy. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437555) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:51 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Half his shit acquired since marriage, which is 6 months. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437560) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:53 PM Author: pearl territorial corner I'm a divorce lawyer - don't worry I'll be fine most of my money is tied up in the firm. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437575) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:10 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish This can and should be overcome. Therapy or something. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437684) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:13 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen No, no it cannot. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437701) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:16 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish lol of course it can (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437723) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:19 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen lol if you believe this. I have a bridge I'd love to sell you. Very commonly used. You have no idea how many people commute from Brooklyn to NYC and back using this bridge EVERY DAY. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437741) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:32 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish Not saying it will happen, but obviously this woman could overcome this with effort. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437824) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:50 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen The bridge is in great condition. Any additional maintenance can easily be covered by the tolls you'll bring in. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439116) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:16 PM Author: useless temple There is a very, very good chance that it is birth control. Get her off that shit, and if her libido returns, she can try a different type of BC and hope she fares better with that, or she can start pumping out kids. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437406) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:21 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Girl above says the same thing and I will be trying this. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437427) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:26 PM Author: useless temple I have a vague recollection of telling you this in your preemarriage thread on this topic. Be forewarned, she will fight you on this issue like a cornered Wolverine. At this point, present it to her that it is really important to you and the marriage that she starts to do something about it and try to minimize the actual sex part. You can play it off as concern that her lack of libido may be a symptom of an underlying medical issue. Women eat that shit up. But whatever you do, don't let it devolve into a confrontation about her being a cold prude (even though that is precisely what it is about). (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437456) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:31 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Yup - I'm bending over backwards to not let this get to an argument about her chilly vag. That will get me (us) nowhere I want to be. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437473) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:52 PM Author: Floppy Buck-toothed Stock Car Locale you might as well have the argument out in the open. she knows what's she's doing to you. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437571) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:55 PM Author: useless temple Having the argument out in the open will not help resolve the issue. So why the fuck should he have the argument? Just for the sake of arguing? Fuck that. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437586) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:55 PM Author: Floppy Buck-toothed Stock Car Locale you are weak and no woman will ever respect u (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437595) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:03 PM Author: useless temple lol, because there's nothing more alpha than engaging in pointless, counterproductive arguments with women. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437647) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:58 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen It will get clarity on whether it is worth continuing to work on it rather than having him guess what his situation really is and post about it on this bort full of aspie losers. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437620) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:04 PM Author: useless temple No, it won't. It will cause her to become even more defensive on this issue than she already is. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437654) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:12 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish It needs to be discussed and the root of the problem needs to be exposed. No way around it. Just do it with a kind, loving, and gentle heart. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437697) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:40 PM Author: Floppy Buck-toothed Stock Car Locale What sort of birth control do you use? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437511) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:53 PM Author: pontificating double fault crotch This may sound dumb, but have you tried to plan some sort of weekend getaway? Like to a B&B or somewhere where you can get away from your house/apt., away from the tv, away from your computers and ipads, etc, and just be together? Remove the distractions, get out of your bedroom which has become some sort of sexual mental block for her, and see if that spices things up. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437581) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:56 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Yes. This is a good way to get passive, I-know-I-should-be-doing-this sex once. Problem is that she doesn't want sexual contact, and if you strip all the excuses away, problem is still there.
Seriously, romantic trips pretty much fail cost/ benefit. Lots of moola for one crappy lay. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:58 PM Author: Multi-colored pistol theater it sounds a little bit like you dont want to work for it at all, which might be symptomatic. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437610) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:06 PM Author: pearl territorial corner That's not true. It's just really disheartening to plan a big trip, spend thousands with the expectations of hot sex, and get let down. I've done this a few times and in the past I have been left bitter and pissed off about it. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437659) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:18 PM Author: Multi-colored pistol theater you sound like a good dude. sorry (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437733) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:24 PM Author: pearl territorial corner This is the part I hate about being married. In the past, a GF would have fucked my brains out because she knew that I wasn't committed to her and she wanted me. Now that I'm committed, I am the nice guy.
Prior to marriage, if I took a girl to, say Atlanta, we went out to on the town, had a great time, spent 3 days in the city seeing the sites, then after the trip I didn't call her for 3 weeks - I wouldn't be a nice guy. Now I'm a nice guy and *amazingly* I'm not getting laid. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 12:58 PM Author: Floppy Buck-toothed Stock Car Locale I agree with this. She might feel obligated to fuck you if you take her to Vegas or whatever, but that's not going to help you reestablish a normal sexual relationship. If you aren't fucking at least twice a week 6 months in then something is wrong. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437616) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:00 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen She doesn't want to have sex. And now that she's married she believes she doesn't have to. That's the problem and NOTHING is going to change that. His move. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437627) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:01 PM Author: Floppy Buck-toothed Stock Car Locale That's why I asked what sort of birth control they are using. It can seriously affect libido. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437634) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:02 PM Author: pearl territorial corner neauva ring (sp). And I have suspicions that this may be part of the problem. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437641) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:02 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Listen, this is a woman that had sex once as a teenager and regretted it. She then didn't have sex until over a decade later (with him), and we know that even then it was a rare occasion. Much of that time she wasn't even on BC, she still was largely asexual. It isn't BC, it is her. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437646) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:09 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead fatality (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437673) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:14 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I'm being very clear because this guy has a serious case of selective hearing. I'm surprised one of his bros hasn't staged an IRL intervention. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437705) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:21 PM Author: pearl territorial corner This is true and it isn't. She dated lots of guys and hooked up with dudes pretty regularly prior to us dating. She once bragged that she went out 3 nights a week for 6 months and her girlfriends never one bought their own drink. So she has interest in men. Just not sex apparently.
But she was frigid then too. She's a kissy-huggy but no nookie girl and was then too - she doesn't admit it, but the stories I've heard, the lack of serious suitors during that time - this has been a running problem for her. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:23 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen She apparently has interest in male attention and in using men. That's even more damning.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:29 PM Author: pearl territorial corner Yes it is. And I have considered this. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437801) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:37 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I have to ask, do YOU have issues that you're not addressing? I mean, you're a divorce attorney and the facts you're describing are just damning. You seemed to have jumped right into a predictably awful situation and honestly, it seems irreparable. But you knew that. Why did you self-harm this way? Do you have self-hatred issues? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437867) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:44 PM Author: pearl territorial corner
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:08 PM Author: Glassy Exciting Station Main People cq (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438054) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:25 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead ugh i hate make-out sluts. i'd much rather a girl be a prude or a slut than a tease. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437780) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:31 PM Author: pearl territorial corner very frustrating (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437817) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:55 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse why does a low libido matter anyway.
even if you don't feel like having sex, you do it for the sake of your relationship.
there are tons of things people do not feel like doing but do so to make the other person happy. welcome to being in a relationship. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:57 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead bingo.
and, of all the things one can do for their partner in a relationship, the easiest might be the 5-10 minutes a day bent over or sucking dick. |
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Date: November 15th, 2013 11:10 PM Author: Disgusting headpube Lol (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24447333) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:04 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen JFC this. I've been trying to convey that several times in this thread but it is nice to have a female POV that supports this. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438037) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:01 PM Author: pearl territorial corner This is basically true. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437635) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:00 PM Author: Ruddy Exhilarant Travel Guidebook Place Of Business cr (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437632) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:03 PM Author: pontificating double fault crotch Fair point. I enjoy the occasional get away with my wife in order to recharge the batteries on oru sex life, but that's largely influenced by the fact that the shortcomings in our sex life is largely driven by having 3 kids under the age of 5. We are barely ever alone in the same bed together. Your problem seems to be more serious. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437649) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:02 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker It may be birth control, but given everything else you've said about her (lack of interest in sex prior to marriage, bad experience with sex first time), it's likely psychological and has very little, if anything, to do with birth control.
I think her current position, given her already low sex drive, results from two things: lack of positive reinforcement + lack of understanding how important it is to you. Try having a third party (can't be you because you are too interested) explain to her how important sex is to men and how much it improves the quality of relationships. This has to be done very carefully, and she cannot suspect that you had anything to do with this. If you have a married couple as friends, talk to the husband so that he talks to his wife, who may then talk to your wife, or something like this.
On your end, you have to incentivize her. Every time she does anything remotely sexual (I don't know where you want to draw the line, kissing, groping your butt, whatever) exaggerate (but don't overdo) your positive reaction. Can range from verbal to flowers to anything else. This will help establish the connection in her head that sex = good for her too, even if she is not in the mood. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:08 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen generally agree. However, I don't think training her like you would a puppy is going to work here. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437669) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:10 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker Positive reinforcement works on everyone not just puppies. If you got a bj every time you did something your woman liked, wouldn't you just keep doing it? Just gotta find something that works for her. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437686) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:15 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish Therapy and discussion is what's needed, not silly behavioral tricks. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437715) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:18 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker Therapy only works if she admits the problem and wants to take the necessary steps to fix it. Sounds like she is not there yet, and suggesting therapy will only make her defensive and diminish any hope of success. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437734) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:40 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish Sure, but it's the only way. If she's not into addressing and fixing the problem, then OP can either divorce or live with it as it will not get fixed. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437889) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:04 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I agree that positive reinforcement generally works. But human sexuality is something more hardcoded than most things. Also, men are simple creatures. Give me a BJ for doing something and I'm highly likely to do it 3x a day almost regardless of what it is. But then again, if I didn't feel like sex and you asked me to fuck, guess what I would do? That's right, I'd take my pants off and stand at attention. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438033) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:37 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker Right, and positive reinforcement is not meant to awaken her desire. It is meant to get her into the mindset of wanting to please her man, not doing it because she is has to. Once she gets to that point, it will be easier to take to the next step of developing her sexuality. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438199) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:39 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen She isn't 14, she is 28. You're not going to "develop her sexuality" at this point. Her views on pleasing her man are similarly set.
And I absolutely respect your POV here, I think it is the right way to go in many cases. for example, if his wife was cool with 2-3x/week and he wanted 4-5x/week. This isn't that. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:42 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker I sort of agree re her being 28, but it's not as set in stone as you imply. Speaking from personal experience here. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438236) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:43 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Did you go from "I really absolutely will not have sex except really rarely" to "I will have regular sex"? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438242) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:44 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker Close. But needed a huge wake up call to do that. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438250) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:44 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen What kind of wake up call? This seems pretty directly applicable to OP's situation. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438252) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:46 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438262) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:48 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I suspected this. So you are the wife in his situation. But surely he pushed this issue. Am I correct when I say that short of divorce it would have continued with the status quo? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if divorce has that effect on her as well. But I still think the marriage is fucked. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438275) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:55 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438321) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:00 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Ok, that sounds like a very different situation. Like, the 10,000 ft view of the problem may be somewhat similar and the cause of death might technically both be "lack of sex in the relationship" but the reasons for that seem totally different.
But be honest, do you think there was any way to save that marriage? |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:04 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker I think if we agreed to fuck other people on the side while staying married, yes. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438404) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:05 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Hahahaha, no man is seriously going to go with that. At that point the marriage is over anyway. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438407) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:08 PM Author: Ruddy Exhilarant Travel Guidebook Place Of Business Sup girl? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438844) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:09 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse it's a different situation but the root of the issue is the same -- both women are incapable of being in a good relationship b/c they're selfish.
it doesn't matter what the reason is for not wanting sex, whether hormonal, lack of interest, sexual abuse in the past, etc. you suck it up and let your husband pound away for 5-10 min b/c you know it makes him happy. it is a very small sacrifice to make, and definitely a much less sacrifice he made by giving up his freedom to marry you and going with you on your stupid apple picking outting when all he wants to do is watch football all day. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:21 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead 100% right (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438528) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:30 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker Your premise is not quite accurate. You assume that both I and OP's wife were/are aware of how important sex is to men and were/are withholding it because we're selfish. This is not true. My first point was that the OP needs to make sure his wife learns how important sex is. And I believe I mentioned somewhere above that learning this made a huge difference for me. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438606) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:47 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen How does a female NOT understand that males literally spend most of their time thinking about sex? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439105) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:57 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse OP has said he's made it clear how important it is to him, but realistically, it might not resonate w/ her either until they actually get divorced. i also do not believe for a second that you had no idea, just like i don't buy for a second that OP's wife doesn't think sex is important. OP's wife certainly uses the possibility of sex to entice men by hooking up and making out with them short of sex, so she definitely has a very strong awareness of how important sex is to men since i'm sure she's very familiar with how guys react to the possibility of sex.
this whole "somebody needs to make me aware of how important sex is" argument is a bs cop out designed to put the blame on the husband for not articulating it. no couple who lives together need to explicitly articulate things to see that one or both is unhappy and something needs to be fixed.
be honest w/ yourself. did you really think you had NO IDEA that sex was important to your ex-husband? he never once tried to initiate sex and be grumpy when you refused? does your husband need to tell you that football is important when he reacts negatively to the fact that you change the channel from football to house hunters? you can't deduce from that reaction that FOOTBALL IS IMPORTANT? he needs to scream in your ear "SEX IS IMPORTANT" for you to get it? it's your being willfully ignorant, at best. and a high level of willful ignorance is definitely selfish.
it's equally your job to figure out what he's unsatisfied with as it is his to articulate it. that is, if you actually care to fix the relationship. but it sounded like neither of you wanted to make the effort to fix your marriage. it sounds like you both just gave up. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:01 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen You are killing it ITT. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439172) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:10 PM Author: Ruddy Exhilarant Travel Guidebook Place Of Business mehh, presumably these women find their mates repugnant in one way or another. Is it really that easy to just let a repulsive person slip it in? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438860) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:46 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Sure. Very easy in fact. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439103) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:49 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen What don't you advocate? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438284) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:55 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker Divorce. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438324) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:58 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Well sure you don't. You were the wife in this position, lol. Out of curiosity, when your husband showed up with papers, did you try to work it out? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438341) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:59 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438351) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:00 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Explain. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438356) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:03 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438387) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:04 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Interesting, that's useful I think. So long story short, if you're incompatible you have to end it, right? If that's the case then why did you say divorce isn't the answer above? It absolutely seemed to be the answer. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438402) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:17 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438501) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:48 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen No offense, but 2 things in your story here are striking:
1. You say you didn't realize how much men value sex. Really? How is this possible?
2. You also suggested that an open relationship was a great idea. You think you having sex with other men and letting him have sex with other women was a solution?
It sounds to me like in these cases you women are just not that into the marriage. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:45 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439405) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:53 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen 1. I'm sorry, I cannot buy this. By 16 most women realize that men are horndogs.
2. Sounds like you're not the marrying type. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:56 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439471) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:59 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen 1. Which is also really abnormal. Just like OP's woman is.
2. I think this describes OP's wife as well. Some women are just destined to be alone forever. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 6:06 PM Author: dun generalized bond What are those "other factors"? That you were cheating? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439538) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:54 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse you're dead wrong on this. positive reinforcement doesn't get her in the mindset of pleasing her man. you think prostitutes fuck to please the man? she fucks b/c she gets money. if you treat your wife like that, it gets her in the mindset of thinking of everything she wants BUT her man (flowers, a nice dinner, etc). it makes it into entirely an economic transaction. and honestly, if it works, and she does fuck you for flowers, then basically she's ok being a prostitute. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438310) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:57 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen But prostitutes do fuck well. Very well in fact, often better than women that love you and want to please you. Even after they already have your money. They will throw their legs fucking far back and wince as you pound them deep, then let you fuck their asses as they grab the bedsheets. You know why? Because they want more money, a good review, etc. Everyone is a whore to some degree, and I include males in this and I expand this beyond sex. Bringing it back to sex, this may well be a way to approach this issue, assuming they don't hate sex the way OP's wife seems to. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438339) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:01 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse sure, it may be the way to approach it if his goal is to get sex out of it, but not fix the problems in his marriage.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:03 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Ah, but sex IS the problem. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438392) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:13 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse sex is the superficial problem. he can go cheat on her and get sex too. or hire a prostitute.
the underlying problem is that she doesn't give a shit about his happiness. if she started giving him sex and he knew she's only doing it to get flowers or at the threat of divorce or whatever else, long term, he still won't be satisfied or happy.
it's clear that the girl he married isn't cut out for marriage b/c she is too selfish and it also sounds like OP was mature enough to assess the situation objectively before jumping in.
they should divorce ASAP. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:24 PM Author: Heady buff round eye pit I get what you're saying, but think about it this way: She truly doesn't understand how important sex is to him, because it's so unimportant to her. So she doesn't know how shitty she's being to him by not giving it to him.
Yes, it's selfish behavior; she knows he wants it but isn't willing to give it. But it's not INCREDIBLY selfish, because to her it's not a huge deal. I'm sure you don't bend over backwards to please your husband (fiance?) in every single way. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:27 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead any chick who doesn't know that sex is important to a man, particularly a man who has made it clear that it is important, is brain dead.
she knows and chooses not to do anything. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:29 PM Author: Heady buff round eye pit She really can't understand HOW important, though. People in general are horrible at that kind of thing. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438596) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:32 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker It's important, but some of us (though maybe I am brain dead who knows) don't get the extent of it until later in life.
Because this girl, at 28, has only had 1 sex partner before the OP, it's not that shocking that she just may not understand it. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:36 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead Maybe I think people are smarter than they actually are, but if he's saying "I need to have more sex -- this is critically important to me", she should get it. It's not like he's putting out vague clues.
And also, we're not talking about something all-encompassing about a person. It'd be a different story if he was saying "don't be neurotic". That's hard to change, and it's hard to notice improvement. OP would have a much, much better marriage, if, 2x a week for a total of 20-30 mins, his wife begged him for some hot sex. That's not hard to do. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:00 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen According to him, he has said "I like everything about this relationship yet if I don't get more sex I am going to get a divorce" and that STILL has not prompted her to have sex. I'm not going to buy, given this fact pattern, that she doesn't realize that this is a big deal. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439163) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:38 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse no person bends over backwards to please their SOs on every single thing. but there are fundamental things like sex.
i don't buy for a second that she cannot fathom that it's important to him because, unless she has been under a rock, it is just common knowledge that men like sex. i'm sorry, but no woman, however clueless, goes into a marriage thinking that her husband is ok with being celibate. it just doesn't fucking happen.
but let's say that she is just that clueless and has NO IDEA that men like sex. well, as op has said above, he has made it clear to him that it's important to him, enough that he's even expressed that it could be grounds for divorce.
so she knows. she just doesn't care enough to change it. they need to divorce. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:40 PM Author: Heady buff round eye pit I usually like you as a poaster but your poasts ITT are pretty harsh, like you have something to prove about what an eager, willing GF you are. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438684) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:00 PM Author: useless temple TBF, there is no better example of female narcissism running amok than a female who is unwilling to engage in sexual activity with their boyfriend or spouse. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438782) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:51 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen No, she is dead fucking on. It isn't harsh, it is basic fact. There is no point in tiptoeing around the basic facts here at all, as I suspect the OP is doing with his soon to be ex-wife. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439121) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:03 PM Author: Maniacal sandwich "Date: November 14th, 2013 3:40 PM Author: _(._.)_ (The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid To Heh)
I usually like you as a poaster but your poasts ITT are pretty harsh, like you have something to prove about what an eager, willing GF you are."
She does. As usual, she has to prove that she is better and more astute than any other chick that has something to say on here. Nutella has it all figured, the rest are uncool shrews. She must drill this fact any time another female weighs in. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:05 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen This is so basic I doubt she is doing this for credit. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439195) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:07 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse no, i'm not trying to make myself look good at all.
it just irritates me when people try to make excuses for behavior and blame it on hormones, blame it on past trauma, your parents, the economy, etc. etc. and then comes up with a solution that involves a lot of coddling and hand-holding. there is no accountability at all. millenial mentality, lol. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:16 PM Author: Maniacal sandwich more like "non-asian super striver and more like typical chick" mentality, but you're still credited here. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439259) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:14 PM Author: pearl territorial corner The third party thing is a good idea and I have thought about enlisting her best friend to help. She's a mutual friend and would be happy to get involved - the problem is that my wife doesn't really socialize all that much with her anymore so best friend would have to bend over backwards to get involved. It's an idea though. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437707) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:16 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish Therapist. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437719) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:21 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Therapists are a waste of time and money and their goal in life is to avoid judging fault. And what he needs is for someone to say "no, that's not fucking reasonable, cut it out." A mutual friend can do it and a therapists can't. That said, I think it is all hopeless as this is someone who a) believes that she should only have sex when she wants to, and b) never wants to. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437755) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:38 PM Author: electric trump supporter death wish Some are better than others. It's not a cure all but might be a good place to start. This might sound weird, but some therapists counsel from a point of view for example Christian therapy. They don't like divorce and will counsel against it in all but extreme cases. The point being simply that some therapists aren't afraid to insert their viewpoints and tell you what they think. They aren't all shitlibs validating everything. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437871) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:41 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Honestly, listening to him talk, I'm starting to suspect this bro has serious self-hatred issues that have caused him to get into this awful situation. He may need counseling not for his marriage but for his own issues.
His marriage needs a divorce.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:47 PM Author: pearl territorial corner I don't think that's it - I've never really thought about self hatred, but that's not it. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437936) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:58 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I would seriously consider what is going on if I were you. I know guys like you. Every one of them has some issue that causes them to throw in with women who are the most likely to fuck up their shit despite the fact that it is self-evident that this is how it will go. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438001) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:01 PM Author: pearl territorial corner I laughed. Yea, I know dudes like that too. Guess I didn't expect to one day wake up and realize I did that (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438013) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:07 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen If you were some 19 year old starry eyed kid who figured it was love at first sight then I wouldn't be saying this. But you're not some naive fool. You're an almost middle aged man that is a divorce attorney to boot, meaning you actually deal with this shit all day. So I wouldn't look at divorce or counseling as an either or. You should get a divorce AND enroll in counseling. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438050) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:58 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse didn't realize he married a dog. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438003) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:22 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker So getting what you wanted every time you gave your fiancee/husband a bj, even if you were not that into it, wouldn't make you any more likely to give him bjs? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438133) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:27 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen This assumes someone doesn't have a major hatred of sex. You're right - many women will fuck easily for all sorts of things. Many will fuck because they want to go hiking when their bfs/husbands want to sit at home and watch TV. Many fuck for a fucking living. For anyone in that category, small incentives will work well. That's obviously not this girl. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438161) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:41 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker It's not so obvious to me that this girl hates sex and isn't just indifferent to it. So, maybe this is something worth trying before concluding that it won't work. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438227) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:42 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I conclude that based on the fact that he has tried to press her on this with no results. Also based on the fact that this has apparently been an issue for her for her entire life. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438237) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:49 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse i understand the idea of incentivizing the other party. but that is not the basis of a healthy and mature human relationship based on mutual love and respect. it works w/ dogs b/c they are incapable of higher functioning the way humans are. he's behaving well b/c he's just thinking "treat treat treat!" and not b/c he knows it makes you happy. a dog's thinking is entirely self serving in that respect.
if you want to treat your wife like a dog, then you're not in a real relationship. if you need to resort to incentivizing them to behave a certain way, it does not address the underlying issue. you have sex w/ your partner b/c you know it makes them happy, NOT b/c you think you're going to get a purse out of it. actually giving them a purse in exchange encourages them to continue being selfish, which only makes the problem worse at the end of the day. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:52 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Yeah but I'm not sure you can fix selfish. Also I do realize this would work for men in a variety of areas. My issue here is that I just think she hates sex too much for this to be effective. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24438297) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 3:20 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse no, i agree, i don't think selfish can be fixed externally and she can only become unselfish on her own.
that's why i don't think anything would really work to fix the problem and they should get divorced. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:07 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I think we're actually in agreement ITT. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439217) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:09 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king "you have sex w/ your partner b/c you know it makes them happy"
no you don't, you have sex because you love each other and are attracted to each other because of that love. obligation sex is TTT as hell. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:11 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen In any relationship long enough there WILL be obligation sex or there will be sex refusal. I would much rather have an understanding that obligation sex is required than to wonder whether you're at the point where you show up with divorce papers. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439237) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:20 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king i've been married 9 years and i can count on one hand the number of times we've had obligation sex. it's always shitty and neither of us enjoys it. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439282) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:24 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse speaking as a female, we try to be enthusiastic ALL the time since the man's ego needs to be stroked, even when it is obligation sex. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439314) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:28 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king my wife is really, really bad at faking enthusiasm. not just with sex, but for anything. there's no way for me to prove it to you, but i am telling the truth.
i will also say that we don't have sex as often as i'd like though, only 3-4 times per month. that said, i'd rather have good sex less frequently than more sex but have it be obligation sex. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:31 PM Author: Sooty Personal Credit Line Meetinghouse fair enough. if you can't fake enthusiasm, then it just means there is refusal when one person's not in the mood.
but in the case of the OP where the woman just doesn't want to have sex AT ALL, then obligation sex is the best he's going to get. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:34 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king yeah, i get refusal fairly regularly. that's ok though.
OP's wife needs to go to a shrink. and to her obgyn. it's probably mental though, because of her first bad sex experience.
obligation sex sucks and if that's the only sex they have they're going to resent each other and he's very likely to cheat. women think men just want sex, and when men talk about sex they make it sound like they really are just into the physical, but within a long term relationship meaningful sex is crucial. men need it emotionally. all men, even the ones that pretend like they don't. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:37 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen "yeah, i get refusal fairly regularly. that's ok though."
Is it really? But wheeere do you draaaaw the liiiine? |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:46 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king we regularly talk about our sex life, same way we talk about other parts of our relationship. we're good. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439415) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:56 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen So you say "I'm not happy because I don't get enough sex."
She now has two choices. Option 1. obligation sex. Option 2. tell you that she feels sorry for your lots. I don't understand how talking is a resolution here. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:34 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen I mean, this seems like a dangerous setup. Very easy to end up where one person doesn't want to have sex and the other is really pissed off about it. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439343) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 4:56 PM Author: Maniacal sandwich if you are actually a chick, then you are a really weird aspie. not too uncommon for law shrews i suppose, but jesus, this read like a response from a seventeen year old boy who was instructed to answer from a 'female perspective.' (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439149) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:51 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker I am doobs. The dots connect. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439440) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:49 PM Author: Umber Really Tough Guy Son Of Senegal What do you mean she "can't" do anything about it? Do you not arouse her? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437947) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:55 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker OP, how old is she? [edit] And does she otherwise feel sexy? Is she happy with her body/looks? Does she make an effort to look nice? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437988) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:56 PM Author: pearl territorial corner 28 (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24437991) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 1:58 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker Hm, that's not great for you. At this age, she should be aware of her mental issues re sex and actively trying to work with them.
Please see my edit. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 2:03 PM Author: Vivacious tan toilet seat for birth control, get a non-hormonal IUD in her. they really are magical; they can stay up there nearly forever and are extremely effective.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:02 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king relevant article, you may want to have her read it, maybe buy the book that is mentioned:
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424127887324874204578438713861797052
i second the comments about birth control. is she on any antidepressants? those things kill libido. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:08 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen lol, that article reads to me like "if this is you then you need a divorce." (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439219) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:10 PM Author: Comical zombie-like church volcanic crater What you guys says here is more or less consistent with my own experience and confirms what I think most men realize quite early on: most women, especially in committed relationships, tend to set 'the price of sex' too high for most men. It's their right to do so, of course, that is to say, to want what they want, but this is often incompatible with what most men want or will accept. Unlike (most) women, men do not use sex to get what they want because what men want is sex, and as long as there are women available to a man who is not getting the sex he wants from his woman (no doubt, as fullcat points out, because she's not getting what she wants -- e.g using sex to get whatever it is she wants isn't working for her anymore) he'll always be tempted and often will "cheat". I agree, it's better to end the relationship than to cheat on one's partner, but it's often not that simple in relationships where (e.g.) children, community property, good relationships with one another's extended family, strong religious traditions, etc are also at stake.
Isn't it ironic (or hypocritical), however, how often women (or men for that matter) who, for whatever reason, stop giving their partners the sex they want nonetheless feel that the sex (desperately) gotten elsewhere by their partners is significant enough to be a betrayal (i.e. "cheating"); this amounts to "well, I'm not giving you satisfying sex because you don't deserve it, so you can't have it or get it from anyone else". She uses sex in order to get him to monogamously commit to her, then expects the commitment to remain in tact after she's, so to speak, moved the goal-posts (c'mon, you know I had to drop at least one sport's metaphor in here if only out of male solidarity) by denying sex in order to get something more from him. Negotiate, re-negotiate? I suspect for most men, satisfying sex is non-negotiable; in fact, truth be told, satisfying sex is the raison d'etre for monogamous long-term commitment to a woman. Women, and even many men, live in denial of this fact, thus suffering this fundamentally male-female incommensurability in "quiet desperation" until driven, often, to humiliate themselves by begging in the streets for what they no longer can (or have forgotten how to) get at home. The fault for "cheating" does lie with the cheater (there's no question in my mind of that!); but the incommensurable motives/expectations of men & women more often than not -- or in many quarters 'more likely than it's polite to admit' -- make "cheating" the perverbial lesser evil. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:11 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king holy wall of text batman. tl;dr (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439239) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:12 PM Author: Comical zombie-like church volcanic crater wtf bro. it's 2 paragraphs (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439243) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:13 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Look breh, if he had kids that were like 12, I'd say cheat like crazy until they're 18 and then divorce and never talk to her again. Or if there wasn't quite enough sex I'd say an occasional escort will balance the books. But at this stage there's nothing to do except divorce. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439247) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:16 PM Author: Comical zombie-like church volcanic crater ok... damn, I thought for sure id get some 180s for this post. literally worked on it for the past 30 min |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:24 PM Author: useless temple There are a lot of brows who still have strong feelings concerning the sanctity of marriage and all that shit. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439315) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:36 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen lol @ the sanctity of marriage. No-fault divorce + generally social acceptance that the woman can do whatever she wants in marriage with no consequences means that marriage is a joke. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439351) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:18 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king scholarship (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439270) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:22 PM Author: useless temple You right to point out he inherently flawed logic of someone who is unwilling to have sex with their spouse bu then feels it is a fundamental betrayal when the spouse steps out. But you miss the mark with your comments about using sex. OP's wife is not using sex. If she was, she would either be having sex with him somewhat more often, or she would be constantly nagging him about shit. This is a simple case of female with a low libido who is unable or unwilling to bring herself to do something she doesn't necessarily want to do for the benefit of her husband. One last point that needs to be made, I think a lot of people up thread are somewhat oversimplifying the challenge faced by OP's wife. She can't just lay there like a cold fish and take it. First, the physical act is almost impossible if the female is not at least somewhat turned on. Second, emotionless sex would only temporarily scratch OP's itch. Sooner or later, his desire for lust and affection from another female would become every bit as strong as his desire for the physical act. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:24 PM Author: lex you forgot to edit out the username from the original thread ("fullcat") (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439312) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:26 PM Author: mahogany windowlicker stead >> Isn't it ironic (or hypocritical), however, how often women (or men for that matter) who, for whatever reason, stop giving their partners the sex they want nonetheless feel that the sex (desperately) gotten elsewhere by their partners is significant enough to be a betrayal (i.e. "cheating"); this amounts to "well, I'm not giving you satisfying sex because you don't deserve it, so you can't have it or get it from anyone else". <<
Brother, I agree 100%, and have said the same thing multiple times on here.
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:15 PM Author: Galvanic lodge philosopher-king you may get some dumb answers, but the people here often give good advice:
you might also ask about your situation here:
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen
consider the demographic of xoxo. you may not be getting the best advice. so far, the only women you have commenting are pumette (who is probably doobs) and nutella. |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:38 PM Author: dun generalized bond Pumette sounds like Lonely Hunter. Sounds just like her, actually. She conveniently left out the part where she cheated on her ex, so her advice on the matter is not to be trusted. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439362) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:42 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen Would explain why she is being deliberately secretive and why her preferred solution involved an open relationship. Also comports with the whole "I married young" and the whole "I divorced him." (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439382) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:43 PM Author: useless temple Yeah she does. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439388) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 5:48 PM Author: learning disabled laughsome goyim candlestick maker This has been brought up before, and I am not. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439423) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 6:03 PM Author: odious black laser beams (Ashley Madison viral marketer) (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439517) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 6:07 PM Author: marvelous harsh kitchen (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439546) |
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Date: November 14th, 2013 6:09 PM Author: Blue school Its not BC, a woman who doesn't have sex for a decade doesn't take BC "just in case." (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24439562) |
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Date: November 15th, 2013 1:23 AM Author: frisky indecent feces This thread has me back to thinking that Pumette is doobs. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24442361) |
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Date: November 15th, 2013 4:22 AM Author: pale flatulent trailer park yarmulke You say that she is able to have orgasms in this thread. So, she is not frigid. She either does not want to have sex with you personally or with anyone at all. Could be physical (drugs, depression, not attracted to you) or psychological (the trauma and rape you mention). I would be willing to be that it's a combination of the two. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24442893) |
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Date: November 15th, 2013 11:18 PM Author: Disgusting headpube Jesus Christ. She is obviously damaged goods and has some sort of abuse or trauma in her past. See if a therapist can fix her. If not, either divorce her or enjoy life as a nullo. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24447378) |
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Date: November 15th, 2013 11:21 PM Author: curious principal's office Don't have time to read 300 posts, but given the volume I can only assume the board solved this dudes problem. Good job, xo. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#24447397) |
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Date: July 22nd, 2015 6:13 AM Author: Cracking Alpha Is she BBW? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#28387923) |
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Date: July 22nd, 2015 6:15 AM Author: pearl territorial corner Nooooooo not even close. Smoke show, 0/00 dress size, c/d tits, redhead - natural beauty, the kind that you can't reach unless you're born with it. Her excessive hotness was one reason I put in the effort to change things instead of bailing. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#28387927) |
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Date: July 22nd, 2015 6:18 AM Author: vibrant hateful parlor haunted graveyard Quit trying to make smoke show happen (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#28387931) |
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Date: February 1st, 2016 10:18 AM Author: Razzmatazz sienna gunner (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2413755&forum_id=2#29726858) |