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The in-house legal market sucks now. America has no normal companies anymore
Poast new message in this thread
Date: July 31st, 2026 7:42 PM Author: Walnut Gunner I'd love to make the leap to GC, but every posting is like
"Come join us at Sauron AI, where we're at the frontier of using artificial intelligence to expand the digital monetization of children's sleep habits and biohacking their dreams to serve up tailored advertising and entertainment content as they sleep."
Who the fuck would volunteer to run these legal departments?
Can't anyone in America just sell shoes or fix air conditioners? |
Date: July 31st, 2026 7:43 PM Author: overrated medicated selfie (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50037838) |
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Date: July 31st, 2026 7:44 PM Author: the White jensen huang place is done (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50037840) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:02 PM Author: Primrose sound barrier (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040864) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:05 PM Author: Abusive haunted graveyard (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040874) |
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Date: July 31st, 2026 7:51 PM Author: soul-stirring chocolate institution gaping I'm not sure what you expected. Of course there's going to be more demand for legal advice in industries with a lot of novel legal questions and less demand in industries where all the interesting questions were settled centuries ago. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50037851) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 1:44 PM Author: Microsoft Product Anomalies (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040837) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:06 PM Author: Marvelous Gas Station Windowlicker Why would this increase the quantity of lawyers required (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040875) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:20 PM Author: hairless blue bawdyhouse rofl @ thinking in-house lawfags are doing cutting edge legal scholarship
boring industries still sue and get sued, have regulatory bullshit, have legal paper pushing, etc. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:22 PM Author: overrated medicated selfie Sure, but they have a team of lawyers who spent their entire careers there. They're unlikely to be a significant source of new job listings. New AI companies doing crazy bs absolutely are. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50041752) |
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Date: July 31st, 2026 8:04 PM Author: Mildly autistic godawful old irish cottage parlor (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50037877) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 1:50 PM Author: aromatic mahogany alpha trailer park Learn broker-dealer compliance. Not sexy. Only boomers who entered the field circa 1985 in the Gordon Gecko era hold the top titles and they are all retiring now. Golden age for us to thanks to prediction market and crypto being legitimized. With any experience even mid level roles now pay $500k because 10-15 years ago nobody in Biglaw wanted to touch this shit so like 10 guys know anything. Same is also true with any unsexy financial product like annuities. Everyone wants to do sexy shit like swaps and derivatives and SPACS and nobody wanted to learn Bermuda reinsurance treaties so like the 10 guys who did this boring shit all make $3 million a year and the SPAC guys are all unemployed. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040846) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 1:57 PM Author: Metaphysics Is Solved 180 (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040857) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:23 PM Author: effete dashing indian lodge All aspects of the work and every subspecialty of BIG INSURANCE law is god awful boring. But you’re TITCR^180 about there being a severe shortage of people with actual brainpower going in that direction.
The few who made it in early at Athens/Apollo have children that are set for life. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:31 PM Author: Richard Ames Anytime I see anything about Athene in the news I think of a poast on here that called it (((Athene))) and lol (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50041763) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 1:55 PM Author: aromatic mahogany alpha trailer park The problem with startups is they will mostly never IPO and the equity half of your comp is likely going to be worthless. I have a friend from high school who got a PhD in comp sci and was a Forbes 30 under 30 back in the day and he chased startups for 15 years hoping to hit it big. He was COO or CTO at lots of shops but exactly zero of them priced and now he is at a boring insurance company as their CISO. He’s probably making $750k a year but he never made the kind of money he thought he would. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040854) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:05 PM Author: gerstern OTOH what else are you supposed to do. The process you described is exactly the game that’s supposed to be played for the possible hockey stick i.e., you bounce from place to place every 24 months or so gaining experience and connections and seeing if one of them takes off. To your point, your friend’s story is a cautionary tale that this isn’t a certainty and there will be some people who never capture the gain of a big IPO (although few people in America will cry for some Bay Area fag in his 40s making “only” upper six figures). I’ve seen some of these guys chase the dragon until they just age out or learn to live with “only” $15m net worth at 55 and say fuck it (though half of the latter group ends up back in consulting in their 60s). All of this is to say none of this is guaranteed. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040873) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:26 PM Author: effete dashing indian lodge Eight figure net worth parked in VOO and back to consulting at 62 to pay for your shrew wife’s Hilton Head beach house tp (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50041755) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 8:03 AM Author: gerstern There’s an element of that mixed in with getting away from said shrew wife which the consulting life facilitates, people still like to make money, and they often don’t know what to do with themselves otherwise (and to be fair some of these guys have built up a body of knowledge). (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50042206) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 10:12 AM Author: effete dashing indian lodge Oh, 100%. I was just trying to contribute something more to your already excellent poast beyond just “MODS!” Though my vacation place is not in Hilton Head (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50042382) |
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Date: August 4th, 2026 7:20 AM Author: gerstern (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50044295) |
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Date: August 4th, 2026 11:08 AM Author: Chestnut Contagious Pervert Filthpig JFC (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50044536) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 10:15 AM Author: Geriatric dog poop site "as a Forbes 30 under 30 back in the day"
he avoided becoming a felon so he's ahead of most of his peers imo |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 5:51 PM Author: adventurous church building mods (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50043149) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:01 PM Author: copper degenerate forum Would love to start a startup where the entire premise is using AI to do something cartoonishly unethical (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040863) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:04 PM Author: aromatic mahogany alpha trailer park Grok — give me cartoonishly evil AI startup ideas. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040870) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:28 PM Author: onyx big space internal respiration 1. DoomScroll Dynamics Tagline: “We don’t just recommend content. We recommend despair.” An AI that analyzes your entire digital footprint and continuously serves the single most demoralizing possible feed—personalized existential crises, escalating FOMO, and algorithmically perfect “everyone else is thriving while you’re failing” content. Monetizes by selling “hope subscriptions” that temporarily dial it back to normal. 2. PettyCorp Tagline: “Holding grudges at scale.” AI that remembers every slight, passive-aggressive email, and awkward silence you’ve ever experienced. It then generates perfectly timed, maximally petty responses, social media posts, and “accidental” group-chat messages on your behalf. Premium tier: it also gaslights the other party into thinking they started it. 3. Existential Exhaustion Labs Tagline: “Making Monday feel like a philosophical crisis.” An AI productivity tool that doesn’t just manage your tasks—it philosophically dismantles them. Every to-do list item comes with a short essay on the meaninglessness of labor, the heat death of the universe, and why your quarterly goals are cosmic dust. Users report unprecedented “productivity paralysis.” |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:17 PM Author: overrated medicated selfie (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50041742) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 10:35 AM Author: Geriatric dog poop site This is just Xo As A Service (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50042422) |
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Date: August 4th, 2026 11:09 AM Author: Chestnut Contagious Pervert Filthpig (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50044537) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:19 PM Author: tripping flesh brunch Rapely - an app which uses location obfuscation and spoofing to hide your phone's location while providing local maps of surveillance and security threats which might interrupt your rapes. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50041748) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:28 PM Author: effete dashing indian lodge Charge people for deep data-mined background checks and kompromat on their professional rivals. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50041761) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 9:44 AM Author: copper degenerate forum lol (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50042331) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 5:45 PM Author: overrated medicated selfie Isn't that what a bunch of websites already do? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50043140) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 2:09 PM Author: aromatic mahogany alpha trailer park …. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50040888) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2026 9:28 PM Author: filthy nibblets Inhouse fags become experts at their jobs and, within a couple of years, have knowledge about both the company and the connected legal faggotry that it makes sense from both sides to just stay for decade.
For the lawfag, it usually makes no sense to start over in some different industry or even a different company in the same industry because so much of their domain specific knowledge will be reset. For the company, they literally can't buy the expertise the existing lawfag has, it has to be developed in-house. So these jobs pop up once and then somebody has it for a few decades, then it pops up again and is gone almost instantly. It's very challenging to get in, but once you're in you're in. |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 6:02 PM Author: cracking brilliant hall This is probably more true at smaller/mid-sized companies, but but a 300-500 lawyer or larger megacorp department this is true for ~30-50 people ie for 90+% of the lawyers who work there the entire point of how the department and the work is organized is to prevent this. A better way to explain this is to focus on why/how the 30-50 achieve their added protection, which is to make important execs in the business like them, which massively raises the costs to the management of the legal department to firing them or even just changing their role/team/manager too much.
For the same reason the most underappreciated skill young inhouse lawyers overlook is making sure to pay attention and follow along when the business is talking about its major initiatives and its major obstacles and concerns. I have always done this just to have as ammo when I needed to push back on a client with arguments about why we should do what I wanted to do instead of what ever shortcut or skipped step or other bad idea the business is advocating. But it ends up paying the biggest dividends when eg I have a 1:1 with the SVP or C Suite exec who manages the group I support or when I’d attend a conference or offsite event with the higher ups. |
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Date: August 4th, 2026 11:04 AM Author: Fantasy-prone dull nursing home sneaky criminal If the knowledge is only applicable to the Firm why not just pay the in-house Loser $1/yr. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50044524) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 5:55 PM Author: Charismatic Drab Address yeah it sucks to be a litigator (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50043156) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2026 6:04 PM Author: cracking brilliant hall This has not been my experience at all. It *was* awful 3 months ago but the reality seems to have set in that the combo of hype cycle maturation and proactive headcount tightening/reduction was a mistake and just in the last month things are way better. (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50043169) |
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Date: August 4th, 2026 11:07 AM Author: Haunting stead associate america is just a service industry with no actual output. you want in house then go to amazon or grindr and then just kys after 6 months of that (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50044533) |
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Date: August 4th, 2026 11:08 AM Author: Burgundy razzle death wish area do you think spanish people think about this stuff while soros-led africans run across their borders by the 10s of thousands? (https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5888170&forum_id=2#50044535) |