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Clifford Chance associate steals 2006 XO shtick, ATL prints.
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Date: November 8th, 2012 12:53 PM Author: balding anal stead telephone http://abovethelaw.com/2012/11/departure-memo-of-the-day-parenting-gets-the-best-of-one-biglaw-associate/ Original from 2006 archived here: http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1167064&forum_id=2#13574347 |
Date: November 8th, 2012 1:07 PM Author: balding anal stead telephone (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000380) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:13 PM Author: Trip Garrison 2nd link doesn't work. Is describing daily routine a shtick? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000406) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:13 PM Author: balding anal stead telephone Date: July 1st, 2006 7:42 PM
Author: i wish i wasnt born
7:00 - wake up, jack off, shower, jack off again
7:50 - Buy bagel and coffee from cafe; dream of fucking the somewhat cute cashier girl who must wonder why I look so sad and depressed every morning
8:00 - Go into office, try not to look at old, fat, ugly, bitchy associate whose office I have to pass. God she is dumb too. Wonder what I have done in my life to deserve to work with such a stupid bitch.
8:01 - Log onto system. Check nytimes.com and stock market. Check two dozen useless e-mails, most of them from dumb ass junior female associates on the other coast who are stupid enough to send out email questions to the entire fucking firm rather than research it themselves. Wonder why it is that female associates send 90% of the dumbass e-mail questions.
8:20 - Start dreaming about fucking a hot bitch; will continue for most of morning. Wish I could close my office door and jack off.
8:30 - Start working on actual billable stuff even though I've been billing the client for my dreaming and surfing. Close door to keep out sounds of annoying fat ass secretaries. Wonder why anyone would want to waste their life being a legal secretary.
Until noon - Continue working on whatever, hoping not to be called by any other attorneys asking for help. If busy actually try to finish shit. If not busy try to waste time so I can bill more on the project and fuck over the client.
Noon - go out of office, walk down street hoping to see some hot bitches since all I see are ugly fat bitches in the office. Buy a sandwich, come back to office and eat it alone checking nytimes and billing client for the time
Afternoon - fat ass stupid bitch secretary comes into office for third time. Asks stupid ass question; wastes my time; I pretend to be nice even though I wish she were dead. Wonder why secretary can't write a cover letter without having to ask me a question. Wonder why I can't have a 22 year old hot secretary instead of a 60 year old haggy fat bitch.
4:00 - asshole senior partner calls me with "emergency" assigment that must be completed by tomorrow morning. I know fucking ass partner will come into my office tomorrow morning so I actually feel like I have to work on it. Wonder why this partner always calls me after 4 and always needs an answer within 18 hours. Dream of shooting him.
8:00 - somewhat finish assignment. E-mail partner with answer and hope he won't ask follow up questions even though I know he will. Input my hours into the firm's billing system. Try to double bill as much as I can. Try to "estimate" my time, being fair to myself of course.
8:15 - leave office, take taxi home that firm pays for. Buy some Indian or Thai food. Get home, surf net for porn. Jack off two or three times. Take hot bath. Jack off. Go to sleep dreaming of fucking hot bitch.
Repeat next day.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119411) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:32 PM Author: Trip Garrison Describing a daily routine doesn't seem like a shtick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000537) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:15 PM Author: Walnut Fragrant Abode Organic Girlfriend even Tommy Turdskin gets his 15 minutes of fame (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000422) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:25 PM Author: Twisted gunner address lol tommy turdskin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000491) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:34 PM Author: House-broken Dashing Chapel Puppy stupid female thinks she can have it all. realizes she cant and pens self important screed announcing her departure that nobody really cares about. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000552) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:39 PM Author: Stimulating Glassy Locus Kind of sucks though that women need to pick one or the other right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000570) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:43 PM Author: House-broken Dashing Chapel Puppy the choice is not what she think it is. she can have a career, but it can't be BIGLAW. this is true for men who want families as well. that's why like 90% of the partners in my former BIGLAW firm were divorced. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000594) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:46 PM Author: azure clown titcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000611) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:48 PM Author: Stimulating Glassy Locus It's obviously significantly harder for a mom to juggle biglaw/parenting than for a dad. Silly to argue otherwise. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000619) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:53 PM Author: House-broken Dashing Chapel Puppy my point is that nobody can have it all, not just women. except women are the only ones up in arms about this fact. |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 2:07 PM Author: Stimulating Glassy Locus men certainly don't get a whole lot of sympathy for getting their asses kicked at soul crushing corporate jobs in order to provide the kind of money needed to support a family. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000733) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:54 PM Author: Brilliant bisexual forum round eye bullshit. just that being a shitty father is more tolerated (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000655) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 2:04 PM Author: Stimulating Glassy Locus Come on you can't seriously think that the difficulties are equal for the sexes here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000710) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 3:03 PM Author: Brilliant bisexual forum round eye after the maternity leave the difficulties are equal. why wouldn't they be? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22001171) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:04 AM Author: Carnelian Nowag what are you talking about? you just admitted above that the social pressures on women are greater. bad parenting is more tolerated when it's the dad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007029) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:47 AM Author: Brilliant bisexual forum round eye Doesn't mean it has to be that way in your household. You can split parent) duties anyway you want. I know BIGAW women with stay at home husbands. These men do nothing but cook, clean and take care of the children. It is all about the relationship you cultivate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007190) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 12:43 PM Author: Carnelian Nowag and, given the social pressures that you acknowledge exist, do you think it is easier to cultivate a relationship in which the man is expected to be the stay-at-home parent, or the woman? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007547) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 1:01 PM Author: Brilliant bisexual forum round eye We live in a hypergamous world bro (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007661) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:26 AM Author: Stimulating Glassy Locus Well, for example, most maternity leave lasts 3 months at the max while women are encouraged to breast feed for a year. Pumping breast milk at the office and making sure you've stock piled enough just in case you end up having to work an 18 hour day is not something a man has to deal with. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007104) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:54 AM Author: Soggy box office Who the fuck actually breast feeds for a year? Insane. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007223) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 3:01 PM Author: thriller burgundy office mexican The only way that schedule could work is if you were a single male and lived very close to the office. And had a bunch of bro friends who also worked terrible hours and could hang randomly at night. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22001162) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 9:45 PM Author: pearly slap-happy crackhouse What a narcissistic shithead. It reads more like a full meltdown than a farewell email. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22003817) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 9:48 PM Author: razzle-dazzle principal's office wtf, why can't she put her hours in on time? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22003844) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 8:35 AM Author: slimy market This. I never got why some people choose to send ridiculous, long-winded all-firm farewell emails. First of all, no one at the firm gives a shit and no one is going to lament this woman's life situation. Second, you're hurting your professional reputation with your last correspondence to hundreds of former colleagues. Farewell emails are not the appropriate forum for martyrdom.
PROTIP: When leaving a firm, don't send out all-firm emails. No one cares that you're leaving, it happens all the time. Send out a short email to the people you actually worked with and/or are friends with at the firm with your contact information, what your next step is and how you will miss working with these people. |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 9:58 PM Author: canary 180 orchestra pit Wtf she worked an 8 hour day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22003911) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 8:48 AM Author: slimy market There's something to be said for going out with a little class and style. All you need to do in a farewell email is thank your colleagues and give them a way to reach you in the future. Everyone she actually knew at the firm would understand why she was leaving without this whiny, self-important email that predictably would end up on ATL. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22006628) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 10:05 AM Author: lemon hyperventilating temple jew no way everyone writes the same boring shit and says they appreciated all the time together when everyone knows it sucks and they hated it.
speak truth to power |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:50 AM Author: slimy market It's called "ring and run." No one is impressed by "speaking truth" when you're on your way out.
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