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Clifford Chance associate steals 2006 XO shtick, ATL prints.
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Date: November 8th, 2012 12:53 PM Author: Mildly autistic adventurous chapel http://abovethelaw.com/2012/11/departure-memo-of-the-day-parenting-gets-the-best-of-one-biglaw-associate/ Original from 2006 archived here: http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1167064&forum_id=2#13574347 |
Date: November 8th, 2012 1:07 PM Author: Mildly autistic adventurous chapel (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000380) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:13 PM Author: Sienna temple 2nd link doesn't work. Is describing daily routine a shtick? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000406) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:13 PM Author: Mildly autistic adventurous chapel Date: July 1st, 2006 7:42 PM
Author: i wish i wasnt born
7:00 - wake up, jack off, shower, jack off again
7:50 - Buy bagel and coffee from cafe; dream of fucking the somewhat cute cashier girl who must wonder why I look so sad and depressed every morning
8:00 - Go into office, try not to look at old, fat, ugly, bitchy associate whose office I have to pass. God she is dumb too. Wonder what I have done in my life to deserve to work with such a stupid bitch.
8:01 - Log onto system. Check nytimes.com and stock market. Check two dozen useless e-mails, most of them from dumb ass junior female associates on the other coast who are stupid enough to send out email questions to the entire fucking firm rather than research it themselves. Wonder why it is that female associates send 90% of the dumbass e-mail questions.
8:20 - Start dreaming about fucking a hot bitch; will continue for most of morning. Wish I could close my office door and jack off.
8:30 - Start working on actual billable stuff even though I've been billing the client for my dreaming and surfing. Close door to keep out sounds of annoying fat ass secretaries. Wonder why anyone would want to waste their life being a legal secretary.
Until noon - Continue working on whatever, hoping not to be called by any other attorneys asking for help. If busy actually try to finish shit. If not busy try to waste time so I can bill more on the project and fuck over the client.
Noon - go out of office, walk down street hoping to see some hot bitches since all I see are ugly fat bitches in the office. Buy a sandwich, come back to office and eat it alone checking nytimes and billing client for the time
Afternoon - fat ass stupid bitch secretary comes into office for third time. Asks stupid ass question; wastes my time; I pretend to be nice even though I wish she were dead. Wonder why secretary can't write a cover letter without having to ask me a question. Wonder why I can't have a 22 year old hot secretary instead of a 60 year old haggy fat bitch.
4:00 - asshole senior partner calls me with "emergency" assigment that must be completed by tomorrow morning. I know fucking ass partner will come into my office tomorrow morning so I actually feel like I have to work on it. Wonder why this partner always calls me after 4 and always needs an answer within 18 hours. Dream of shooting him.
8:00 - somewhat finish assignment. E-mail partner with answer and hope he won't ask follow up questions even though I know he will. Input my hours into the firm's billing system. Try to double bill as much as I can. Try to "estimate" my time, being fair to myself of course.
8:15 - leave office, take taxi home that firm pays for. Buy some Indian or Thai food. Get home, surf net for porn. Jack off two or three times. Take hot bath. Jack off. Go to sleep dreaming of fucking hot bitch.
Repeat next day.
(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=446186&forum_id=2#6119411) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:32 PM Author: Sienna temple Describing a daily routine doesn't seem like a shtick. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000537) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 2:11 PM Author: up-to-no-good state incredible (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000767) |
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Date: May 4th, 2021 9:39 AM Author: lemon beta ratface really great post no matter how often you read it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#42397961) |
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Date: May 4th, 2021 1:03 PM Author: Canary useless brakes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#42399210) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:15 PM Author: Fiercely-loyal Degenerate even Tommy Turdskin gets his 15 minutes of fame (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000422) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:25 PM Author: ocher mental disorder lol tommy turdskin (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000491) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:34 PM Author: Thirsty Gaming Laptop Water Buffalo stupid female thinks she can have it all. realizes she cant and pens self important screed announcing her departure that nobody really cares about. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000552) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:39 PM Author: Cordovan bateful dopamine queen of the night Kind of sucks though that women need to pick one or the other right? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000570) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:43 PM Author: Thirsty Gaming Laptop Water Buffalo the choice is not what she think it is. she can have a career, but it can't be BIGLAW. this is true for men who want families as well. that's why like 90% of the partners in my former BIGLAW firm were divorced. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000594) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:46 PM Author: Provocative Indecent Stage titcr (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000611) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:48 PM Author: Cordovan bateful dopamine queen of the night It's obviously significantly harder for a mom to juggle biglaw/parenting than for a dad. Silly to argue otherwise. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000619) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:53 PM Author: Thirsty Gaming Laptop Water Buffalo my point is that nobody can have it all, not just women. except women are the only ones up in arms about this fact. |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 2:07 PM Author: Cordovan bateful dopamine queen of the night men certainly don't get a whole lot of sympathy for getting their asses kicked at soul crushing corporate jobs in order to provide the kind of money needed to support a family. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000733) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 1:54 PM Author: Domesticated hairy legs bullshit. just that being a shitty father is more tolerated (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000655) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 2:04 PM Author: Cordovan bateful dopamine queen of the night Come on you can't seriously think that the difficulties are equal for the sexes here. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22000710) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 3:03 PM Author: Domesticated hairy legs after the maternity leave the difficulties are equal. why wouldn't they be? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22001171) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:04 AM Author: Rusted library what are you talking about? you just admitted above that the social pressures on women are greater. bad parenting is more tolerated when it's the dad. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007029) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:47 AM Author: Domesticated hairy legs Doesn't mean it has to be that way in your household. You can split parent) duties anyway you want. I know BIGAW women with stay at home husbands. These men do nothing but cook, clean and take care of the children. It is all about the relationship you cultivate. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007190) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 12:43 PM Author: Rusted library and, given the social pressures that you acknowledge exist, do you think it is easier to cultivate a relationship in which the man is expected to be the stay-at-home parent, or the woman? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007547) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 1:01 PM Author: Domesticated hairy legs We live in a hypergamous world bro (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007661) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:26 AM Author: Cordovan bateful dopamine queen of the night Well, for example, most maternity leave lasts 3 months at the max while women are encouraged to breast feed for a year. Pumping breast milk at the office and making sure you've stock piled enough just in case you end up having to work an 18 hour day is not something a man has to deal with. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007104) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:54 AM Author: iridescent contagious station Who the fuck actually breast feeds for a year? Insane. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007223) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 3:01 PM Author: dark electric furnace famous landscape painting The only way that schedule could work is if you were a single male and lived very close to the office. And had a bunch of bro friends who also worked terrible hours and could hang randomly at night. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22001162) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 9:45 PM Author: french flushed really tough guy brethren What a narcissistic shithead. It reads more like a full meltdown than a farewell email. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22003817) |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 9:48 PM Author: Federal step-uncle's house wtf, why can't she put her hours in on time? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22003844) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 8:35 AM Author: Laughsome pale pistol This. I never got why some people choose to send ridiculous, long-winded all-firm farewell emails. First of all, no one at the firm gives a shit and no one is going to lament this woman's life situation. Second, you're hurting your professional reputation with your last correspondence to hundreds of former colleagues. Farewell emails are not the appropriate forum for martyrdom.
PROTIP: When leaving a firm, don't send out all-firm emails. No one cares that you're leaving, it happens all the time. Send out a short email to the people you actually worked with and/or are friends with at the firm with your contact information, what your next step is and how you will miss working with these people. |
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Date: November 8th, 2012 9:58 PM Author: Gay business firm Wtf she worked an 8 hour day. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22003911) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 7:49 AM Author: light excitant kitty cat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22006601) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 2:31 AM Author: Fiercely-loyal Degenerate (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22006024) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 8:48 AM Author: Laughsome pale pistol There's something to be said for going out with a little class and style. All you need to do in a farewell email is thank your colleagues and give them a way to reach you in the future. Everyone she actually knew at the firm would understand why she was leaving without this whiny, self-important email that predictably would end up on ATL. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22006628) |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 10:05 AM Author: Onyx Fluffy Half-breed no way everyone writes the same boring shit and says they appreciated all the time together when everyone knows it sucks and they hated it.
speak truth to power |
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:50 AM Author: Laughsome pale pistol It's called "ring and run." No one is impressed by "speaking truth" when you're on your way out.
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Date: November 9th, 2012 11:27 AM Author: Cordovan bateful dopamine queen of the night (managing partner) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#22007110) |
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Date: May 4th, 2021 1:02 PM Author: Canary useless brakes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#42399198) |
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Date: May 4th, 2021 4:38 AM Author: Canary useless brakes (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#42397454) |
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Date: May 4th, 2021 5:29 AM Author: trip pea-brained corn cake hall 180 bump (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#42397477) |
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Date: May 4th, 2021 9:36 AM Author: Canary useless brakes TY (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#42397955) |
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Date: May 4th, 2021 9:37 AM Author: lemon beta ratface (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=2108378&forum_id=2#42397958) |