Year long affair seems over and I am feeling pretty low

I'm feeling less devastated. I could just leave it alone. No one got hurt outside of me (maybe her too, who knows?).

I didn't stale the bitch out when she pulled her shit. TLDR was 1 year affair, we dated on and off over a decade ago before we were both married. She hit me up in 2018 right after birth of my son. I was cool with her but didn't engage. She hit me up again 1 year ago and I realized I really loved her. We talked/texted on Signal almost every day for a year. She lives 4.5 hours from me. We saw each other 5 or so times over the year, but only 1 of those times was sex because of logistics.

We said we loved each other every day, which at least on my part, was serious. 6 weeks ago, she came back from vacation with her husband telling me how much she missed me and how terrible it was not to speak to me for a week. This was like on a Tuesday. I mentioned I would be in her city that weekend for a little mini vacation with my family. I wanted to see her for a few minutes in a public place. She didn't address the issue, but talked to me all the next day (Wednesday). I finally said hey are we going to see each other or what? No reply. Nothing that Thursday. I left on the trip Fri and had to switch phones and with family so no contact. That Saturday, I texted her from my real phone and said hey what's up I'm here and don't have my other phone. Nothing.

That Monday when I got back, she texted like nothing had happened and asked how my weekend was. I told her I was pissed and what was up with her. She just said she was sorry but didn't explain. I reminded her of the time when I flew in last Dec when she visited brother in a different city and we fucked in my hotel and she was texting me all the next day and even when she knew my flight had arrived home and I was with my wife (this is before I got Signal, 2nd phone that I leave at work, etc.) I asked her what she would have felt like if I had blown her off after we fucked.

She didn't reply. No contact since.

I want to engage with her so bad. I want to give her a piece of my mind. I want to say I still love her. All that shit. But like I am just now getting to the point where I'm not as hurt. It's still the thing that I think about at night before I go to sleep and it hits me first thing when I wake.

I wish I knew how to quit this bitch.

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5903859&forum_id=2#50135553)

I just can't decide if I want the tone to be me calling her on her bullshit or just saying that I love her and that she made me happy for a year.

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5903859&forum_id=2#50135604)

It sounds like you have no idea what you actually still want from her. You're the man so she's expecting you to tell her what you want and she either follows you and gives you what you want or rejects you

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5903859&forum_id=2#50135629)

https://imgur.com/a/vO56wkV

(https://xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=5903859&forum_id=2#50135581)